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Tobore Majemite: F is For Feminism

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Why should I be seen as less because I have a vagina and not a penis? Why should I have to get an A to be on the same level as a guy who has C? Why should I be told to aspire to marriage, while my mate who is a boy, be told to aspire to get a great job? Why is a man called weak simply because he shows emotions? Why can’t a woman be assertive? Why are men expected to pay for everything?

These are really just just a few things feminism deals with. Feminism is the belief that men and women are equal and as such should have equal opportunities and rights. We, as Nigerians, live in a patriarchal society that believes women are less. This can be shown when a sister is left to hawk on the streets, whilst her younger brother goes to school; or when a woman is passed over for a promotion…simply because she is a woman and should have time for family. Other times, it is based on the presumption that women are better off being married, and do not need education or money.

Feminism gives people choices. Yes, I said people, there is the notion that feminism is restricted to just women; but in truth, feminism allows for everyone to be able to do what they want, without the next person giving them any hassle about it.
Feminism allows for a man to be a stay at home dad without ‘society’ caring, or it being something to actually talk about.
Feminism gives women the ability to have choices, to either have a child or an abortion, to work or to stay at home, to be live alone forever or to have a massive family. It’s all about choices.

The main difference between men and women is the hormones that go through them, and while said hormones could sometimes make people act a certain way, it’s really just biology. Hormones don’t make people nurturers or providers so just assuming that a man would not want to spend time with his children or a woman would even want to have children is wrong. If you think about it, you’ll realise how much easier the world would be if women who earned way more weren’t seen as threats and didn’t have to quit their jobs so their husbands wouldn’t be ‘emasculated’.

‘Dare to be different’

My principal probably never thought some of her students would take that literally and then strive to be different. I want a Nigeria where I can say I am an engineer without someone asking me why I didn’t study fashion designing (that actually happened to me.)

We should want a Nigeria where a man or boy can cry without being seen as weak; a Nigeria where ‘Boys will be boys’ is not something we believe in because everyone should take responsibility for their actions; a Nigeria where a girl who gets raped can report it without someone asking her what she wore; a Nigeria where girls aren’t skipped over for school, because they’ll end up in the husband’s houses regardless.

This list goes on but it’s something to think about and see how much better the country will be.

Someone once told me I was a walking paradox. I am currently working on my masters in engineering but I also consider myself a writer. I spend most of my time reading books, writing and plotting on how to topple the patriarchy in Nigeria and possibly the world. You should read my blog, it's pretty awesome ' https://toboresbants.wordpress.com/ '.

28 Comments

  1. Ify

    March 23, 2017 at 6:35 am

    Someone told you to be a fashion designer instead?? Lmao. That one has passed misogyny, it’s madness. Did the person ever see you with a sewing machine or what? Anyway, great article. I like how you included men in the narrative. Feminism is not anti-men, it’s just advocacy of equality of the sexes. Men do not need to feel intimidated by that. Imagine how amazing the world would be if women didn’t have to waste so much time fighting sexism.

  2. John

    March 23, 2017 at 7:24 am

    Another brainless programmmed feminist puppet repeating the same word. .adichie FC…Isn’t funny they all want to bring down men so as to elavate themselves. it is more of an exchange not equality. .men should behave as women and women should behave as men..thats it..the only reason they like to mention men in one of their dumb articles

    • Zeeebby

      March 23, 2017 at 9:26 am

      YOUR SOUL NEEDS HEALING…. THIS LEVEL OF ANGER IS VILE, FIND PEACE WITH YOURSELF AND YOU WILL START TO SEE LIFE DIFFERENTLY. NOBODY S HUNTING YOU DOWN OR TRYING TO BRING YOU DOWN!

    • Toba

      March 23, 2017 at 12:19 pm

      ???? @John and zeeebby I see you

    • Voom

      March 27, 2017 at 12:03 pm

      You are quite stupid for this comment. An article that clearly says everybody should be treated as equals, and that men should be allowed to embrace emotions that are clearly part of being human READS TO YOU as “bring men down”. You have obviously used your common sense to pack shit. kmt

    • Aeckae

      March 27, 2017 at 9:03 pm

      Mr John. This is a rather harsh, crass and classless response to a woman who is making demands. One of which is to be allowed to have an opinion. You are already fighting (rather dirty) her for having a view different from yours. The length you will (might) go to fight the other demands can only be imagined.
      Sometimes it shows great wisdom and responsibility if you ignore whatever might wrong out the demons in you.
      This one of them. Clearly femisnim talk makes you lose your cool… Among other things.

      Life is really easy when you look the other way.

    • Obose

      March 28, 2017 at 11:41 am

      I don’t understand how someone can be as ignorant as you have just shown yourself to be. The article clearly explains the meaning and purpose of feminism yet you have still decided to call the writer names and turn the whole thing into some conspiracy to take power from men. People like you are actually the problem with this country. At least you still played yourself by indirectly admitting that all these problems exist by saying that men are the ones on top.

  3. NCCH

    March 23, 2017 at 7:45 am

    All I am saying is that we should stop making feminism about pity. If you had a bad past, deal with it. Women are created a better version of men. Be matured enough to be know that humans are created to co-exist. Fashion designer ,they asked you to be, how about the guy they asked to be a Barrow-pusher.
    I am a female student engineer and trust me we all enjoy the benefits of womanhood;A man is expected to stand up while the woman sits and many more. Now I will hear #wifenotcook. If you had a bad past they’re many people out there to make things right. This isn’t FEMINISM IT’S SELF PITY.

    • Voom

      March 27, 2017 at 12:06 pm

      LOL i can’t even with this.

  4. Sibo

    March 23, 2017 at 8:38 am

    I’m a woman who celebrates the differences in the sexes. I celebrate the different but equal roles the sexes have to play. Personally I find physical, mentally strong men to be a turn on. I’m not attracted to men who are inclined to a Feminine side. That’s just me. But each to their own some women want partners (men/ women) who they can dominate in the same way some weak men find controlling their partners (women/men) ego boosting. A great relationship is one where the positives and strengths of each person is harness to its fullest potential. I can say for myself that pregnancy is a JOB so let’s not put it to one side and not count it as a JOB. The very fact that a person can carry on board another person is an absolutely great feat. I celebrate my womanhood and my husbands manhood Lool. Different but equal. Together we have a stable strong home. May I just mention. Marriage is not a MUST. Some people are happier and better off on their own than in a partnership.

  5. Muse

    March 23, 2017 at 9:03 am

    Uhhhmm, I didn’t expect this article to be different. Feminism is to advance rights for women and not for the male folk. When including the male folk, you’ve become an egalitarian or a liberal feminist (which is a huge mess) and not a feminist.

    We love re defining words to suit our narrative in this part of the world. Theres a word called egalitarian (equal rights for all) and there’s feminism (rights for womyn).

    • Voom

      March 27, 2017 at 12:14 pm

      While feminism is for women, men can however not be excluded from its narrative. I don’t believe however that the OP meant that feminism was inclusive to men, She was only seeking to explain what an ideal world where patriarchy, misogyny and gender stereotypes should or would be like..

    • Obose

      March 28, 2017 at 11:48 am

      @Muse no one is redefining words here. You have simply been misinformed about the meaning of feminism. Wanting men and women to be seen as equal is the whole point behind feminism.

  6. Chief

    March 23, 2017 at 9:29 am

    This article is horrible BS.While it’s evident to feminists on this blog,A Real Nigerian,Idoma Girl,Le coco to name a few that there are many positions occupied by men,in theory there’s nothing preventing women for striving for these positions and attaining them.There is no specific statue prohibiting female involvement in society and it would be obvious to state that Nigeria has not made progress in improving conditions and opportunities for women.You have to also note the biological standpoint,women are not the same as men.Women have privileges over men.

    There are many injustices in our society for men and it must be tackled before yous scream feminism.(1)Why are men the ones fighting and dying in sambisa forest? (2)Why should men kneel down to propose? (3)Why are women EXPECTING that they should be proposed to on a bended knee and what does it mean to them when it happens and is perception rightly justified?To me kneeling down is definitely a symbol of surrender and also a symbol of giving up your power as a man unto your woman.The social doctrine that men has to do the kneeling down is stupid and mainly for simps,manginas,wimps etc.Anyway another story for another day(4).Most women would reject a man if he said they should split the bill on a first date.(5)Why girls are taught from birth to expect preferential treatment from boys because they are females?Nature has coded men and women differently to fulfill distinct and somewhat mutually exclusive responsibilities,man being the provider and women being the nurturer.It annoys me when women scream equality one minute and then suddenly get traditional the next? Marriages,engagement,courtship etc are all areas where women tend to play the traditional female card.

    The patriarchy argument is a straw man argument invented by feminists with sole purpose of justifying the actions of modern so called feminism.The real issue is that feminists complain about things women deal with while men don’t complain because men internalize their problems.Feminism is about advancement of women at the expense of men.It is institutionalized misandry. but the problem is that misandry has been made politically correct by feminists.Feminism is a travesty used by prude and manster,ignorant spoilt women to degrade,bully,humiliate and emasculate men.Feminism main goal which is clearly evident to anyone with an inkling intelligence is the destruction of patriarchy and enslavement of of the entire male race.Any man that tolerate this nonsense is a wimp and mangina.

    • Voom

      March 27, 2017 at 1:08 pm

      As misogynistic and comical this read, I i have to admit some reasonable points were made.

      1) “in theory there’s nothing preventing women for striving for these positions and attaining them. There is no specific statue prohibiting female involvement in society” Lets us all pretend that sexual exploitation women in the workplace isn’t so common that it is now the norm. Let us all pretend that when a woman is put in charge or etc, the first question asked isnt “who is her husband? father? uncle?, who she sleep with”. Yep, let us assume that isn’t a reality,

      2) “You have to also note the biological standpoint,women are not the same as men. Women have privileges over men.”. The privilege been the wonderful wonderful ability to decide to be a housewife innit? How hilarious. Said privilege can only be enjoyed in my fathers or husbands house. Can you tell me one just one male privilege that is exclusive to his home? I bet not.

      3) “There are many injustices in our society for men and it must be tackled before yous scream feminism” Of course this should be tackled first because male issues. Definitely more important. KMT
      As i have said before (somewhere) the only reason alleged injustices to men by society hasn’t been shut down is because it works for them. If it didn’t they would have done away with them a long time ago. The truth is that these injustices fuel their sense of entitlement, they convince themselves that everything they enjoy as men is simply a reward for the hard rules society has set for them to live by.

      Nobody is seeking to bring men down. The reason you think so is because a lot of feminists are angry and understandably so. Centuries of being treated as less than a human, centuries of being traded and abused will do that to you. Anything with life and intelligence can only take so much. At one point it will defend itself. That’s what you are witnessing now. The struggle may be long and hard but we all know how this will end. You don’t have to accept it. but you may as well prepare yourself because it will happen 🙂

      Everything you spoke about concerning proposals and etc is plain consumerism and sensationalism. i have read stories of women getting beaten just after an on-bended knees proposal. About splitting bills, there are a lot of women who would love to split bills. but how many men because of pride would let them? “So she will now go and tell her friends she paid”. LOL PLEASE GUYS

  7. Lacey

    March 23, 2017 at 9:50 am

    This article is very shallow!!! I am a woman and I really do not care about feminism!!! I live my life according to the word of God and the Holy Bible!!! Which says and clearly shows a woman’s place and if you read the Bible very well , God never played down anybody, he created the Universe and from my reading of the Bible with Eve influencing Adam to eat apple ? and Sarah telling Abraham to sleep ? with her maid, which is the problem between Ismael’s descendants and Isacc!!! So my dears, women are still causing problems in the world till date, so let the word dwell in women richly, so they can learn to know their rightful place and soar!!!

    • Adunnie

      March 23, 2017 at 11:52 am

      Well good for you. Where exactly did the bible say a woman’s place is?

    • James

      March 24, 2017 at 10:01 pm

      Lacey, thanks for the clarity you gave in your response. While we don’t live in a perfect world, I don’t think men are out to stop young girls/women from achieving their dreams in today’s Nigeria. There are challenges in life for both young boys and girls who eventually grow up to become men and women. It’s how they navigate those challenges that matter. I have a mother and sisters, and like so many others in our society, I have never heard them complain of a man being the reason why they could not achieve their dreams.

      So when I hear all these Western educated women demanding for equality but yet want you to treat them special as women, marry them and take responsibility for them and their offspring, I wonder. In my dealings with women, I have met only very few who were comfortable marrying a man with equal or less economic status. If the man should cede his job to you or forced to share the same job responsibilities, what becomes of his future?

      Nigeria is not a bad place for women as some of these feminist would like everyone to believe. This is a place where women can go into any career, run for political office and run successful businesses.

      What these feminists are looking for is a law that sets aside a certain percentage of jobs in both the private and government sector for women while the men struggle among themselves for what is left. That would be the wrong thing to do. Merit should be the basis for every employment. There are some industries that attract more women and are dominated by women than others. I don’t see men complaining.

    • Voom

      March 27, 2017 at 1:19 pm

      Lol whenever I see people quote bible on top women issues, I almost crack up. Apart from the bible, God also gave you sense. You should use both.. Btw, the bible says to submit to my husband not submit to ALL MEN. And the bible that said to submit and respect my husband said also that he should love me. Because God in his infinite wisdom knows that that which you love, you will not abuse. Do you know what love is? Do you know what it means to have someone love you? Do you know it was love that made Jesus come die for our sins. I hope your husband can do same for you, if he can’t please keep kwayet because the same bible says your husband should love you the way Christ loves his Church. I can go on and about about how the bible says we should treat each other but i guess you already know. SOOOOOO in the absence of love and common human sympathy, we will find another way.

    • Kim

      March 30, 2017 at 9:34 pm

      @ lacey

      The same Holy Bible also records an occasion when God told Abraham to obey his wife Sarah in Genesis 21:12.

      Hannah’s husband complied with the vow that she made to the Lord (1 Sam 1:11, 21-23). An OT husband could lawfully cancel a vow made by his wife. However, Hannah’s husband didn’t do that; he didn’t pull rank. Instead, he listened to wisdom spoken to him by his wife.

      Xerxes listened to Esther’s plea about reversing Haman’s order to destroy the Jews (Es 8:5, 9:13). This is significant because after the king had signed and sealed a decree or given his permission for a decree to be signed and sealed , it was not to be repealed or revoked (Es1:19, Es 3:9-12). However, Xerxes listened to wisdom spoken to him by his wife and revoked the decree to kill the Jews.

      Women and men need to know that the Bible includes:

      – Examples of wives giving their husbands terrible advice.

      – Examples of wives speaking with wisdom and giving their husbands faithful instructions: Sarah in Genesis 21:12, Esther and Hannah.

      – Examples of men leading their families and communities well.

      – SEVERAL examples of husbands MISLEADING their families and/or communities:

      – Some husbands decided to make accusations against Daniel. After God delivered Daniel from the lion’s den, those husbands were thrown into the lion’s den along with their wives and kids. Their ungodly DECISIONS caused them and their families to be destroyed (Dan 6:24).

      – Some husbands (Korah, Dathan, Abiram) decided to rise up against Moses and show contempt for God. As a result of their poor decision-making, their wives, children and 250 of their followers were destroyed (Numbers 16).

      – 16 – 17 kings of Israel were evil. They mislead their families and the entire nation of Israel. That’s why the Israelites eventually lost their homeland and were forced into captivity.

      The Bible really isn’t one sided, although a lot of folks like to paint it that way.

  8. Beard gang

    March 23, 2017 at 9:51 am

    In as much as I support equality of the sexes in public and private aspects of life, some questions are still fighting for plausible explanations ;
    1

  9. OY

    March 23, 2017 at 10:19 am

    What I don’t get is women telling men to cry more or feel more. How does a man’S logical approach to things infringe on your rights as a woman? i dont cry, i process things to their logical conclusion and i move on. Men will raise man, women CANT raise men. The effeminate wimpy version of the male species that ur twisted mind has concocted is sad to even imagine. Obviously u aspire to the awesomeness of the male species, therefore watch learn and evolve. We love the way we are, we ain’t complaining, ‘who send u message?’

  10. king

    March 27, 2017 at 12:15 am

    Partially correct, partially BS. Feminists bringing their confusion to scatter everything. Why would a man aspire to be a stay at home dad, when nature has encoded women to be attracted to males who provide and defend? If he does stay at home, next thing is you meet another “alpha male” outside and start screwing him while totally disregarding the “stay at home dad”. Nonsense.
    I believe everyone should chase their dreams male or female, but these feminists want to eat their cake and have it. Do u understand the suffering men go through due to the matriarchy of the child support system in the west? Why don’t the feminists claim equal rights to go become miners, soldiers, sewage engineers and all that? Why is it that in any natural disaster, its the women and children first who are rescued? Where is the equality there? Any man that buys into this 3rd generation feminist crap will have a sorry life as a result. Me a stay at home dad? Tufia!!

  11. Rob

    March 27, 2017 at 8:17 am

    I am a man and I aprove this message. All of you anti-feminist should go google what the word and meaning is before coming on here and spewing your ignorance.

  12. Uche

    March 27, 2017 at 8:57 am

    I believe men and women should be given equal opportunities in this world, but the two sexes have different roles to play.

  13. Aeckae

    March 27, 2017 at 9:52 pm

    Well..
    First of all, I want to make it clear that life has wired me in away that I do not support anything at all. I also do not subscribe to any carefully orchestrated view. What I am is pro-choice.
    You cannot hit someone and still tell them how to feel the pain or better still, how to cry. That’s on them. You have played your god-given part in inflicting pain, try not to interrupt or control their reaction.
    If Miss Tobore (I believe that’s her name) feels marginalized by a world full of men and women simply because she was created with a vagina, then that is what it is. You really cannot with her.
    In Nigeria (where I am commenting from) I believe we mostly have selective/partial feminism – where a woman wants to be both a man and a woman.
    The same person that asked why you aren’t a fashion designer will also judge a man who is a hair stylist and tell him he would look better as a vulcanizer. This is a function of the society we live in.
    Like you people say “its a man’s world” and tbh women are better off with the privileges they get. There are a million and one ways women benefit from simply being women and they will continue to benefit.
    So instead of feminists putting up fights against men and the society at large, they should make it clear and actually fight to take away the privileges they get as women .
    When this is achieved, the world will automatically provide the imaginary level platform you desire and maybe we can talk about something else.

  14. Anthony

    March 28, 2017 at 10:26 pm

    Great post. I think the reason why Nigerian’s don’t agree with most of this things Feminists believe in is because you have to have a broad mind to really think this way. Most Nigerian’s have very obtuse thinking and this is where the problem starts. Hopefully we’d get to where we need to be someday.

  15. Kim

    March 31, 2017 at 10:39 am

    @ lacey

    The same Holy Bible also records an occasion when God told Abraham to obey his wife Sarah in Genesis 21:12.

    Hannah’s husband complied with the vow that she made to the Lord (1 Sam 1:11, 21-23). An OT husband could lawfully cancel a vow made by his wife. However, Hannah’s husband didn’t do that; he didn’t pull rank. Instead, he listened to wisdom spoken to him by his wife.

    Xerxes listened to Esther’s plea about reversing Haman’s order to destroy the Jews (Es 8:5, 9:13). This is significant because after the king had signed and sealed a decree or given his permission for a decree to be signed and sealed , it was not to be repealed or revoked (Es1:19, Es 3:9-12). However, Xerxes listened to wisdom spoken to him by his wife and revoked the decree to kill the Jews.

    Women and men need to know that the Bible includes:

    – Examples of wives giving their husbands terrible advice.

    – Examples of wives speaking with wisdom and giving their husbands faithful instructions: Sarah in Genesis 21:12, Esther and Hannah.

    – Examples of men leading their families and communities well.

    – SEVERAL examples of husbands MISLEADING their families and/or communities:

    – Some husbands decided to make accusations against Daniel. After God delivered Daniel from the lion’s den, those husbands were thrown into the lion’s den along with their wives and kids. Their ungodly DECISIONS caused them and their families to be destroyed (Dan 6:24).

    – Some husbands (Korah, Dathan, Abiram) decided to rise up against Moses and show contempt for God. As a result of their poor decision-making, their wives, children and 250 of their followers were destroyed (Numbers 16).

    – 16 – 17 kings of Israel were evil. They mislead their families and the entire nation of Israel. That’s why the Israelites eventually lost their homeland and were forced into captivity.

    The Bible really isn’t one sided, although a lot of folks like to paint it that way.

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