Aunty Bella is our agony aunt column on BellaNaija. We launched this column in the early days of BN and periodically feature issues sent in by BN readers.
We hope the BN family can offer insightful advice.
I’m a single mother of two kids – Age 7 and 9.
It all started when I was 16. I met and fall so deep in love with the father of my kids. I got pregnant at the age of 18. He was struggling to survive, but my parents were not rich either. I struggled as much as I could to make ends meet, so my family would not have reason to complain about him.
He never told his family he had a child because he was serving his uncle. He said once his uncle heard, he won’t settle him. He begged my parents that he will make things right as soon as he receives his settlement.
That same year, he had issues with his uncle; he refused to settle him and sent him to his village.
I teach and do different lessons just to make ends meet so my parents won’t have reason to complain. I lie that he gives me money, but I don’t receive 1 Naira from him. After he went back to the village, he comes twice a year or once. Along the line, I got pregnant.
I couldn’t imagine going for abortion. My parents were disappointed, but I never let any of their bad mouthing weigh me down. I resumed work the week I put to bed. I doubled my struggles because I have two kids and myself to feed. Their father keeps claiming he’s not working and don’t have money.
When he visits, he collects some of the little change I have. Till now, he hasn’t spent up to 10,000 on my kids. I call him every now and then. If I don’t call, he won’t call. The last time I saw him was when my 2nd child was 2 years old. She is 7 years old now.
There are days I call him, and he gives me the insult of my life – especially when I tell him to at least get a job. I heard it is possible he his married with kids.
I still keep hoping he will come back someday. During all my struggles, I tried going for an NCE programme…still no good job. I tried raising money for to start shoes, bags, makeup business.
I got duped by the woman who promised to bring market. Then, the issue of men who want to sleep with me because I begged for 3000.
I have been through a lot just to make ends meet for myself and kids. I have prayed and cried, things have not changed.
Despite my hard work from sweeping and cleaning people’s houses and compound, to washing clothes, assisting to cook for occasions, serving etc.Things have refused to get better.
Outstanding school bills, days of starvation or garri from morning till night with no help from anywhere. Is it worth still waiting for this man that has done nothing for me? He once told me to ask the men I open leg for, to give me money.
His mother never asked how I cope with my kids. All she could say is I should assist her son, at least I’m a girl. It got to a stage where I intend taking my life. Looking at my kids won’t just let me, because I don’t want them to suffer.
I don’t mind any job connection please.