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Nkem Says: Let’s be Honest, Dating after 30 Sucks

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30. When you’re 16 and you hear that someone is turning 30, you regard them as some ancient fossil because…let’s face it, 30 is still so far away for you. Heck, even when you are 25 and someone says to you: “I’m 30” and you also find that they are still single…hah! Your heart skips a bit. You count five fingers and you secretly say to yourself: “God, please, I don’t want to be 30 and still be single like this sad person. Biko.” Not that the person is sad or anything, people just tend to have that impression.
You are 30+ and single, so you have to be depressed, lonely, self-centered or damaged. Basically, there must be something wrong with you. Because, how could you possibly be a full, complete, joyful person leading a meaningful life when you are not married at a certain age?

Somehow ‘30’ has been marked the year of ‘oldness’. Not just for women, but for men as well. Unsurprisingly, women have it worse than men. While for women the dating pool shrinks at that age, the dating pool grows wider for men. Single women from as young as 18 to as old as 45 show interest in the men, while the 30-year-old female has to sift through a small mix of widowed men, divorced mean and scheming sugar boys.

This is the situation because men, in general, value traits that indicate fertility in women (and women who are 30 and above, even though their sexual desire stay strong, are not exactly bursting with fertility)
Women, on the other hand, value such traits as high social standing, ability to provide and confidence (which is where most men at 30 and above shine).
Thanks to good food and vitamins, expensive body creams and of course, cosmetic surgery, however, a number of women who are 30 or more look a lot younger than their real age, thus they do not go through the regular hassle others their age may face with dating.

I strongly believe that advantage these women have is the reason some of them are able to lie about their age and get away with it. Most will stick to being “26” for years…but then, as my very good friend Toyin would always say: “Nkem, look at their feet. The feet never lie”.

Till today, I still don’t get it, but apparently, somehow the feet tells the truth about how old someone truly is.

Dating at 30 sucks and here is why: At 30, you are wiser, you are smarter, you have finally realized you are awesome, you have learned what you want and what you do not want, you are ready to find someone worthy of you and you really do not have the patience to put up with crap from anyone anymore.
For some reason, however, you still have a lot of immature, unserious and just psychotic people coming at you. In their minds, you are desperate and will accept them anyway and this is utterly frustrating. Forget the story that people who are 30 and above are desperate.

I personally believe that the desperation cycle starts at 25 and ends at 29. It is in that age bracket that you start to wonder whether you might be single forever and parental queries about your relationship status start to become quite panicked. At 30, however, your Nigerian parents have subconsciously given up, and you, most likely have learned to deal with the social stigma of being alone.

I had a discussion with someone a few days ago on Instagram, and he asked my opinion on a dilemma he was facing. He is 34. His parents, because they think he is already too old, are trying to hook him up with a family friend’s daughter who is 28, but is yet to find a job.
His argument was that he was not ready to be with someone who was unsuccessful professionally, as ‘work ethics’ is important to him. He assured me that it was not that he needs a wife who would contribute financially to the marriage.

He had a successful business already, and money was not an issue. In his opinion, if at 28 a woman is still not sure or has not made any moves towards carving a professional/career path for herself, she is not marriage material. Hard work and willingness to pursue goals than physical beauty were worth more to him than ‘Ajeborism’ or Queen’s English. In his words: “A middle-class or even low-class lady who has put herself through university and landed a full-time job – even if it pays very little and she has no car, would earn more respect from me than a girl whose wealthy father bought her a car, despite the fact that she has not held one single job in the 5 years she graduated”.
There really was nothing left for me to say, as it was apparent his mind was made up. He was unwilling to settle for less than he wanted.

This is not to say that only those who are 30 and above are mature enough to make the best decisions when it comes to relationships; I am also not saying that people who are younger are not capable of being intelligent and independent under 30. That being said, I have heard people make such comments as “Ah, Abeg, he is more than 30. He is too set in his ways. He will be too domineering. He won’t be romantic jor. I can’t”, and “she is 30?! Waaawu, I wonder what happened. Please, I don’t want to enter 1 chance ”.

The way I see it, at 30 and above, the man or woman is likely to have their own interests, friends, hobbies, and are not likely to rely on you for their own social life as someone younger would.

This should be refreshing for anyone who is mature and ready to be in a serious relationship. How is it that these attributes still do not present them as the “hot cakes” that they are?
Why is it that the dating field remains such a hard place for them to navigate?

Nkem Ndem is an energetic and highly accomplished Media Consultant who loves to help small businesses, especially women-led, grow their online presence using the right digital strategy or transition from traditional organizational boundaries. With years of experience in Copywriting and Editing, Content Branding and Strategy, Social media, and Digital Marketing, she is clearly obsessed with Digital Communications. She is the Head of Content and Lead Consultant at Black Ink Media - an Ideation and Content Agency that excels in providing fresh, creative digital services to content-centric businesses. Find out more about her at www.blackinkm.com or send her an e-mail at [email protected] Also follow her on IG: @nkemndemv, Twitter: @ndemv.

79 Comments

  1. tosin

    April 20, 2017 at 5:18 pm

    Yes o, d 30s , Its well.

    • osa

      April 20, 2017 at 8:56 pm

      Once i saw the post. I knew it’d be a pool of comments. We dey like relationship matter gaann.

      Jokes aside. The first 9 paragraphs couldnt be a better encapsulation of the truth. Women have it worse. Its like an inverse thing. The older a man gets, the more his dating/marriage prospects. For women the opposite

    • LemmeRant

      April 20, 2017 at 10:24 pm

      The babe knows how to pull her crowd though

      *Thumbs up.

  2. Mary

    April 20, 2017 at 5:22 pm

    I really don’t know what message this write is trying to communicate.
    But the bottom line is we have single ladies that are above 30 and are still very much happy with their lives.
    If you think marriage is a bed of roses rush in and see. *smiles*

    • Yes I said it!

      April 20, 2017 at 5:39 pm

      How will you know? Yet you have made a comment. OlOdo.

    • Mary

      April 21, 2017 at 6:25 am

      Talk is free, so you are entitled to your opinion. *smiles* lolzzzzz

    • Smalz

      April 21, 2017 at 11:05 am

      You don’t have to insult her. Post your comment and leave

    • ND Babe

      April 20, 2017 at 6:38 pm

      Essatamente! I do not get the gist. Was interesting and weird to me though. Suitors from mars started coming for my hand in marriage when I was 17. I was shocked. Dismayed. I thought they were all predators trying to deny me the opportunity to be that hot single high power executive with a high dose of major sass mbok. Marriage never made it to my radar so I never got prompted by any inner clock. Did not help my parents were from pIuto. Neither ever asked me if I was interested in suitors. Neither ever asked me about marriage. l did get married . At 30. Marriage is overrated. myhubby does not womanize, drink, kill people, steaI, or engage in Other common vices. His only vice is an entitled poverty-ridden family. I lost interest. No one wants to fish but they want to eat Halibut, Sake and Prawns in one dish. No one wants to work but they need $ for food. They want to have sex and babies but no one can afford maternity ward fees or baby milk. So he lives to feed these tapeworms at the expense of his family. We too, we diagnosed the disease early and we aint waiting. I Kuku started assuming I am unmarried with kids so that I will not assume I have a husband. Now I am not interested in sex. No need cos he does not look like a man to me. he he he. I ain’t angry. He chose to be the blood meal for large saprophytic organisms. I refuse to be slowed down. Dying to marry? spend your time making money until you bump into the person you think is the right person. That way if they disappoint, no wahala.

  3. Tyarow

    April 20, 2017 at 5:26 pm

    At 30? ‪Nkem has been dating the wrong guys.? She’s been holding the wrong end of the sticks.? Don’t ask me which sticks.?‬

  4. Sisi

    April 20, 2017 at 5:28 pm

    Haha this is so true, sadly in some ways the pressure well and truly is on once you hit 25 as a female. Whenever you find real love it should be celebrated – waiting for that to happen can get tiring but surely is worth it. You said ‘The way I see it, at 30 and above, the man or woman is likely to have their own interests, friends, hobbies, and are not likely to rely on you for their own social life as someone younger would. This should be refreshing for anyone who is mature and ready to be in a serious relationship’ the fact that some one is not going to make you their demi god and rely on you for pretty much everything is actually unconsciously terrifying for some people – the mature part is very crucial.

  5. Ezinne

    April 20, 2017 at 5:28 pm

    Excellent write up Nkem.

  6. yummymummycumchick

    April 20, 2017 at 5:38 pm

    HMMMMMMMMMM. WORD. THE SOCIETY MAKES BEING 30 SO DREADFUL…… I DONT KNOW Y ….. MAY GOD HAVE MERCY……… my only fear now that m so close to 30 is that i want to be an achiever by then , it is really freaking me out. i want to be very comfortable, live a very good life and something worthwhile going on for me. marriage is not like my core point …….. i feel 30 ,is like an chapter of life.

    • DIY Partygirl

      April 20, 2017 at 6:32 pm

      You just said my mind!

  7. Ako Martha

    April 20, 2017 at 5:38 pm

    Well written Nkem…. 30 and above, no time for nonsense, jokers, players and time wasters… True, men love financially independent women, no matter how small the amount they bring to the table.

    • Engoz

      April 20, 2017 at 7:16 pm

      Just trying to get into you people’s logic o. So prior to 30 you had time for nonsense, jokers and players, then at 30 you people now have sense to not date nonsense, jokers and players? Hehehe, then in the same breath still wonder why you are not married at 30? For people who put their marriage cut off mark at 30 (which absolutely does not make any sense to me), one would expect that you date sensible men in your 20s. But no o, it’s at that same 30 you realize you want to date sensible men? Hehehe…see logic

    • osa

      April 20, 2017 at 9:04 pm

      Engoz the point in the logic which you obviously dont get is that at 30 the scales would have fallen off the eyes . The moment a guy is going somewhere with an attitude you know where he is headed. Its like foresight you learnt in hindsight.

      Because you most likely have seen some things before, you are ready to call it quits. And take no shit. You at that age, realize what every action, inaction, statement, silence, emotion, delay, will lead to.

    • CalmDown

      April 20, 2017 at 11:53 pm

      @Engoz, your comment is rather condescending and missed the point of the initial commenter. (This is coming from a 25 y/o). It was never a condemnation of younger women but a mere statement about older women – basically saying with age comes clarity and wisdom.

      If we are honest, It is true that when some (not all) of us were younger, we were more naïve, trusting and hopeful of relationships which may lead us to be deceived or unknowingly enter into the wrong relationship. I think wisdom comes with experiences and age for many. No woman at any age has time for losers, players and time wasters but not everybody’s journey is the same.
      Some women luck out and find a good man early while others have to kiss 1000 frogs to get a good one. Nothing is guaranteed in life. Some good women end up single at 30+ while some bad women end up married early in life in their 20s. That is just the way life goes. Let us not even get into the topic of those that rush into wrong marriages in their 20s out of desperation only to rush out. Marrying well is more valuable than marrying “early”.

  8. iyke

    April 20, 2017 at 5:44 pm

    I may be wrong !!!!!!!
    Maybe for women over 30, dating MAY suck as they may be in danger of losing the attention, affection, and respect of men as they age. Why??Because men tend to (Keyword – TEND TO) look for youth and beauty while women above 30 tend to look for financial success and status in a very limited dating pool of men.
    For men above 30, NO, dating doesn’t suck – Dating from 30 and above has taught me more about myself and also to be myself. Now, I can do more of the things that I am passionate about; that not only makes me attractive and feels rewarding, it puts me in a position to encounter women with similar interests, making initial conversation much easier.

  9. Weezy

    April 20, 2017 at 5:44 pm

    Wow. Epic fail.

    The first 3/4 of this piece is filled with stereotypes and veiled insults to women over 30 (including the author apparently). Its one thing to say dating sucks (which, frankly is the case at any age – you think every 25 year old is gorgeous with perfect skin and perfect man-attracting confidence?), but reading this piece it is clear the author has completely internalized the sexism of Nigerian culture which says something is wrong with a woman if she is single past the age of 30. Its one thing for you to accept toxic messages about women, and another thing for you to spread them about under the ill-conceived guise of humor.

    • Peter

      April 20, 2017 at 6:04 pm

      Never look through the eye of a needle when reading but with open mind ,otherwise, you may never see what is in the book .

    • A Real Nigerian

      April 20, 2017 at 6:06 pm

      Well said,

    • Sakura

      April 20, 2017 at 6:09 pm

      Wish I could like your comment a million times.

    • Engoz

      April 20, 2017 at 6:53 pm

      “But reading this piece it is clear the author has completely INTERNALIZED the sexism of Nigerian culture which says something is wrong with a woman if she is single past the age of 30.”

      “Its one thing for you to accept toxic messages about women, and another thing for you to SPREAD THEM about under the ill-conceived guise of humor.”

      O ti tan! Weezy for President!

    • Mary

      April 21, 2017 at 6:30 am

      Well said there.

  10. Naba

    April 20, 2017 at 5:55 pm

    Aunty gwegs oshi dey form feminist upandan

  11. Peter

    April 20, 2017 at 6:05 pm

    @Weezy,Never look through the eye of a needle when reading but with open mind ,otherwise, you may never see what is in the book .

    • A Real Nigerian

      April 20, 2017 at 6:25 pm

      You are not making any sense with that quote or whatever it is. Just so you know.

    • whocares

      April 21, 2017 at 12:31 pm

      LLMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I havent even read the article cos- nah i just wont, but i just had to comment my lols on this. lmaoooooooooooooooo.

  12. A Real Nigerian

    April 20, 2017 at 6:06 pm

    This article is pathetic, is neither here nor there, and has not succeeded in passing across any meaningful message.
    The author is trying too hard to cover her archaic, insecure, flawed ideologies with fauxgressive nonsense.

    We are beginning to see right through you and I am happy other people are calling you out on this thread.

    • Mysn

      April 20, 2017 at 6:45 pm

      A real Nigerian lets agree to disagree. I don’t read that many of her articles, only those pertaining to my sphere of interest or applicable to me. I haven’t however, not in this one and in the others, seen any idea so flawed as to elicit your response. Though they might be generalisations, they still hold true for some people (and I believe she qualifies it effectively). This one in particular was very apt and I wrote a more detailed comment about it how it related to me. I am curious, what parts do you think are flawed and perpetuating an archaic ideology?

    • joysie

      April 20, 2017 at 7:39 pm

      I think you have issues with comprehension. The writer wasn’t necessarily saying the assumptions or feelings described are rational but just expressing how it often happens. Everything she wrote is relatable, people think and act that way. That doesn’t mean it’s your own experience. The way your comment sounds even proves the bitter 30 theory that she didn’t mention here but is widely attached with depressed ladies over 30 who are frustrated over getting married. If you have any personal issue with the writer, address it outside of this. Touche.

    • Nakoms

      April 20, 2017 at 8:35 pm

      Well said my dear, well said!
      Damn! What is happening to me? Why am I liking your comment! ????

    • Deola

      April 21, 2017 at 2:27 am

      I agree, this article is neither here nor there. Dating in the 21st century sucks! Whether you are 21, 17, 25,29,45 whatever. Just go on Joros Instagram page then you understand what I’m saying. Dating sucks period.

  13. mirabel

    April 20, 2017 at 6:09 pm

    The Nigerian society sees being single as a fail and expects any girl above 30 to be miserable..true. But the ‘society’ that actually wants you to be miserable are usually your friends, colleagues, married friends. I don’t understand why Nigerians are usually happy to know that someone else (this someone else is a supposed friend o) is sad or depressed over something. Just so we can dish out pity. Married girl calls her single friend who is above 30
    Married: When are you getting married naa? Any bae? Anyy show?
    Single: Nooo, I’ve been looking for and praying for. I’m so sad and miserable. Woe is me. Nobody wants me. No chykers. Pls pray for me. I’ve been fasting etc
    Married: Ah, don’t worry. God will do it for you. Take your time pls. I will pray for you.
    Then proceeds to dish advice on dating/relationship from her experience.. yawns. This is genuine care/pity, but it flourishes from knowing that she is ‘happier’ than the single girl

    But if it goes this way
    Married: When are you getting married naa? Any bae? Any show?
    Single: I’m having the best time of my life. My career is kicking. Will be a guest on CNN next week. Won an award from UN last week. Not bothered about that right now, taking my time…
    Married: Ah, you don’t have time oh, you are 34.. you should be thinking of marriage. My husband completes me. There is no joy like motherhood. It surpasses the joy of career blabla
    Married girl then tries to force miserability and anxiety upon her friend…
    Gives unsolicited advice on relationships/marriage ….yawns
    Goes on to gossip with other friends that ‘she is just pretending not to care. Career ko career ni. She secretly dying inside and wishing she was married like me’
    Rushes on Social Media to post ‘my marriage is perfect’ pictures

    Hahahaha we are the most interesting society in the world. Hands down. Everyone is somehow obsessed with the lives of everyone else. Everyone wants to show ‘happiness’. We must be a sad people. How can ‘friends’ be happier when the friend is sad? Makes no sense.

  14. Mysn

    April 20, 2017 at 6:17 pm

    Nkem I have to say I agree with you wholeheartedly. I turned 30 late last year and when I was in my 20s I felt the range of emotions you described, the same goes for when I hit the 25-29 mark. Now that I am 30 I thank God for my good genes (that was my only point of disagreement, i do not rely on any enhancements. However, you did qualify it with ‘a number of women’) as I do not look my age and although I hated looking younger in my 20s now I love it. In my 30th year I am much more confident, aware of what I want in life and in a partner and I am determined to get it. I know what I bring to the table, positive traits, warts and all so not ready to settle for less. I do admit to sometimes being fearful, wanting my parents to enjoy the ‘wedding day’ and the attendant health issues the later marriage and children are delayed. Despite all of this, it’s a long term commitment, I don’t want to be another statistic, contributor to a failed society and downright miserable person just because I wanted to get married when I wasn’t ready for it.

    I wasn’t insulted by your writeup. I like to think it was an expose on the realities the 30s face in the Nigerian ‘existence’ . As a matter of fact I found it funny and so apt!

  15. Noms

    April 20, 2017 at 7:06 pm

    …the part of hearing someone is 30 and you silently pray not to be single at 30 is so me…now I’m 32 but not depressed or angry but I want to be married soon jor

    • Engoz

      April 20, 2017 at 7:58 pm

      Wow, Nigerian women are a disgrace!

    • Oyinade

      April 21, 2017 at 3:08 pm

      Why would you call her a disgrace for wanting to get married soon? I got married at 26. I’m 30 now with two kids, but I don’t look down or up at anyone, who desires to be married or not married. If she desires marriage, let her be, just the same way, you would also want everyone to let you be, if you do not want to get married.

    • Nne

      April 20, 2017 at 9:20 pm

      Same here. Would be 33 this month. Getting the jitters the

  16. joysie

    April 20, 2017 at 7:34 pm

    I wonder whoever came up with that 30 agemark as being too old. I recently turned 30 and I was more depressed about not having reached my academic and career goals than not being married. I’m actually happy I didn’t marry in my mid 20s because I would have likely made a wrong choice with my level of understanding at that time of my life. With all the miserable marriages around me, being married is not my ultimate goal but finding true happiness whether married or not. I would love to have kids in a marriage to give them the chance to have double parenting. Society needs to take off the stress and stop frustrating people into loveless marriages that can even be their death.

  17. Fictionaddictbooks.blogspot.com.ng

    April 20, 2017 at 7:35 pm

    I totally agree with Nkem when she says the age of desperation to settle down starts at 25 and ends at 29. Immediately a lady clocks 30 unmarried, she tends to see that it’s not the end of the world after all. She’ll find that in spite of how badly she wanted to be married at before 30, it did not happen. So God must have bigger plans for her which do not include being married at 30. Some ladies accept this easily, but our society can be a thorn in the flesh with all the unnecessary sublte and unsubtle reminders.of her unmarried status.

  18. Anne

    April 20, 2017 at 7:40 pm

    Article or no article, just be honest and true to yourself. The society will not hand you confidence. You need to know who actually controls your life and inner feelings. What do you really want. Let’s assume God is asking you that question and there is no one there with you. These days, young people are under so much pressure that they listen to almost everyone. Ask yourself this question and be true to yourself. Don’t say it out. Would you prefer your relationship before 30 or after 30. Then answer for yourself in your mind with no social media presence. I can’t answer that question for you. So is it a NO or YES? That is your true answer.

    • Debbie

      April 20, 2017 at 8:35 pm

      Love this Anne, “The society will not hand anybody confidence”

    • Oyinade

      April 21, 2017 at 3:10 pm

      Thank you my sister.

  19. Observer

    April 20, 2017 at 7:58 pm

    I hate this article because it’s just so wrong. Sounds like it is true, but it is not true. Too many assumptions, presumptions and ‘tales’. Plenty women nowadays are getting married in their early 30’s and it’s almost becoming the norm and not all of them marry, divorced, useless or old men. This is your worse article to date Atoke and if you carry on thinking like this it will become a self fulfilling prophecy and you will end up ont eh shelf.

    • Observer

      April 20, 2017 at 7:59 pm

      *on the*

    • Debbie

      April 20, 2017 at 8:34 pm

      Exactly!! As a man thinks in his heart so is he, If someone believes they belong on the shelf, that’s where they’ll find themselves.

    • mo

      April 20, 2017 at 8:47 pm

      That part of women in their 30s marrying divorcee or widows is totally wrong. You can say women in their 40s but not 30s.
      I got married in my early 30s and husband was in his mid 30s.
      My cousin married in her mid 30s and her husband was 40. No kids and never been married. We do have single men in their 30s doing well and never been married and they don’t always go for 20yr olds believe me.

    • Puzzles

      April 20, 2017 at 8:56 pm

      Nkem Ndem wrote the article, not Atoke

    • Atoke

      April 21, 2017 at 12:13 pm

      LOL I’m so confused right now!

      LOLLLL

      P.s
      Please clarify what shelf we’re talking about sha… that bit is interesting.

    • whocares

      April 21, 2017 at 12:37 pm

      LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Apoti eri? That one too is shelf na abi? Book shelf? That’s where we gorgeous queens perch on to judge unintelligent plebs like “the observer” so that’s always a comfy place to be anyways; clothes shelf? pls lemme die in that closet, a lady can’t have too many clothes! Ingredient shelf or cumbord? That’s ok too, we are full of spice like that, no blandness in our future yo..

    • Observer

      April 21, 2017 at 5:25 pm

      Lol! Sorry I dont know how I mixed you up with Nkem.

    • Observer

      April 21, 2017 at 8:11 pm

      @whocares….. eyah! You sound bitter and single. Pele! Dont worry your prince will come along very soon and take you out of your closet of material clothes and shoes that will never give you fulfilment, kiss you or love you back.

    • Anonymous

      February 18, 2019 at 12:02 am

      How do u know she is bitter

    • Anonymous

      February 18, 2019 at 12:04 am

      Marriage is not do or die.

  20. Martha

    April 20, 2017 at 8:09 pm

    This is just appalling! What is with you guys and marriage by 30? What makes 30 so special, why can’t it be 21? I was in Nigeria recently and every thing anybody talked about was marriage. What is this marriage? I always thought marriage was not mandatory, so when did the 30 or die thing begin? So wait, if marriage is that important to you women by 30, why don’t you go ahead and propose marriage to whoever before you get to 30? It really confuses me because I can’t pin point where this desperation emanates from. This article is akin to saying getting your PhD after 30 sucks or going back to school after 30 sucks or having children after 30 sucks or to go deeper getting a job or owning your business after 30 sucks!! What is so special about marriage that it has to be done by 30?? And what about marriage that can’t be done after 30? Why should age be a factor in anything you want to do in life if you are not a minor? Which rule book are you guys following? Now for those who have eyes, read; Nobody is giving you a trophy for marriage, marriage does NOT make you happy, marriage does NOT provide companionship, marriage does NOT give children! Marriage doesn’t give you anything really. To be honest, I am genuinely confused about the desperation you guys speak of.

    • Mama

      April 21, 2017 at 1:38 am

      Kudos to you. You voiced out my thoughts. Honestly, I have concluded that it has to do with the family and environment one grew up in. I only started to realize there’s a 30 years marriage benchmark from some particular Facebook groups. As in the kind of prayer requests ladies send in just asking to be married to the ‘bone of their bone’ (very corny) is amusing. I’m not saying the request is not legit, but the urgency and desperation attached is worrisome.

      In my family, no one puts pressure on you, so I never knew that society had a time limit per se. Please people, before 30 or after 30 just make sure you marry for the right reasons. Many in a bid to marry ‘young’ have landed themselves in deep shit.

    • Olsan

      April 21, 2017 at 2:02 pm

      Take it or leave it, there is a societal expectation that comes with clocking 30. Not that it should define who you are, but its a stage in your life where you want to believe you are on track. Now the being on track list might have different options for different people, but for most Nigerians, marriage is definitely top of the list. If you do a comparative analysis of the number of people who yearn for a phd at 30 and those other things you mentioned to being married at 30, you’ll find out that the later takes the highest share.

      Personally I believe being married to the right person is one of the most important steps you can take. I lost my dad at a young age and when my mum remarried, i was so angry and irritated. But now, i believe it was one of the best decisions she made, seeing that i am not with her and she has someone to keep her company and make her happy in her grey years.
      So chill out, that yearn to be happy with someone at 30 isnt a bad thing, even though its been overly dramatized. You are old enough, you probably have been around plenty toads long enough and now you want something structured and well defined. 30 just seems perfect for that …

    • Nkechi

      April 21, 2017 at 7:42 pm

      I am also genuinely confused. How can marriage not give you anything. It is only if you got married to an ‘ efulefu’

  21. Bowl

    April 20, 2017 at 8:15 pm

    Honestly, I wish I never dated any of the men I dated before now. But dating now , contrary to this write up, does not suck.My perspective on life is clearer now than ever before.

  22. Debbie

    April 20, 2017 at 8:32 pm

    I’m sorry but this write up is so short sighted. Society has placed a lot of labels on ladies who are past 30 and not married. labels that God who created one in his image and likeness hasn’t placed on a person. ladies under 30 scamper and rush into marriage because of the fear of the “BIG 30”. I am shaking my head as I type this. 30 and single doesn’t have to mean desperate, lonely and sad. 30 is a number and I repeat a number!!! I see ladies who married in their 20s and are still praying for children. others got married at 35 and have 2 kids already. All in a jiffy!!
    Please let us not accept society’s label. If you are 30 and single, as a lady, you need to redefine yourself and raise your head up. Confidence is key
    Whoever wrote this article needs to work on her self esteem issues. Please and please stop passing this wrong message!!

    • Bodeprime

      April 20, 2017 at 10:49 pm

      I don’t think u understand the write up or what the writer is saying. Seems like u just want to criticize.

    • Oyinade

      April 21, 2017 at 3:18 pm

      But trying to make yourself feel better by saying, “ladies under 30 scamper and rush into marriage because of the fear of the “BIG 30” is also wrong. Not all ladies, under or above 30 are desperate.

  23. Ah

    April 20, 2017 at 9:25 pm

    Very sub par writing skills. What exactly is the point? She lost me half the time with her simple minded drivel to no end.

  24. Keeky

    April 20, 2017 at 10:04 pm

    Maturity doesn’t begin at age 30. Alot of folks within that age bracket (30+), are still immature and need a lot of mental growing up to do. I dislike it when people attribute ”maturity aka having your sh*t together” with a given age.

  25. Bodeprime

    April 20, 2017 at 10:49 pm

    Nice write up.

    • Tito

      April 21, 2017 at 1:32 pm

      Is the writer right or wrong? Tell yourself the truth.

  26. Charm

    April 21, 2017 at 12:56 am

    Did people actually understand the writer’s message? Or are they just trying to seem extra knowledgeable? Kudos to the writer from a soon to be 30 woman…

  27. Tru

    April 21, 2017 at 9:02 am

    “At 30, however, your Nigerian parents have subconsciously given up, and you, most likely have learned to deal with the social stigma of being alone.” This right here is my reality.

  28. Hian

    April 21, 2017 at 10:38 am

    Wow. Nkem. Some of your readers are just pathetic. They read something twist it and say that’s what you said. They are accusing you of being stereotyped and sad meanwhile you are calling out the society for being stereotyped and question why the advantages that come with being 30 isn’t seen as a plus. Where do they keep their brains when reading? Open mindedness is scarce sha.

  29. Ever Green

    April 21, 2017 at 10:57 am

    Before, I use to be nervous about the big 30 but come September I will be 33 but when I realise that when you know the truth, it shall set you free.

    Whenever I reflect I thank God that I did not get married in my 20’s because I know myself I am not that patient but now I am more patient and a work in progress and learning from the mistakes of the people around me and whenever I think I have seen the worst, another person experience will even show you what people go through in marriage when they get married to wrong person or family is just like drinking sniper or acid, marriage can make or mar someone for life.

    The bitter sweet experience especially when you stare at death few times and God decided to keep you, trust me I am alive and grateful, as for the things I don’t have I trust God is still in the business of miracles.

    I believe when God gives me my marital breakthrough, it is going to worth the wait although as human you may be worried when the blessing will come but it is better to wait on God because it is only God that sees the beginning, middle and the end no matter how smart we think we are, it is a risk but when we involve God from the beginning even if there are storms we will be assured that we will overcome.

  30. Eni

    April 21, 2017 at 12:01 pm

    I will be 30 on May 29 but I don’t feel any pressure. Just last December, my mum tried to brush the subject, I told her my objective is to be married and be happy and not just to be married for the sake of being married. I think the so-called pressure the women claim they have, they put it on themselves because no one can force you (a full grown adult) to do what you don’t want to.
    I can’t even get married now, because I have goals to achieve and a man will just stand in the way of things. Most of my friends find that incredible. In most of our arguments, my friends say society will judge me and I ask them who ‘society’ is? Are they those people whom I don’t know, who do not contribute to my life and well-being in anyway? I am not a people pleaser, never have been and never will be. As long as I’m not committing a crime, I do me.
    I’m so looking forward to my 30s, I’ve done things but there’s so much still waiting to be done. Marriage will come one day but at this time, it is not my priority and no one except myself can change my scale of preference.

  31. Ola

    April 21, 2017 at 1:59 pm

    This is perhaps one of the most apt relationship article I have read in recent times. You might not fully appreciate it, except if you are living some of the script in this article. The maturity one gains in their 30s make it harder to get into relationships. You go on ‘one’ date with several people, and you write them off right away, due to one reason or the other. The same people, if you had gone on a date with them in your mid twenties, a relationship might have started, and it would have led to a happy marriage. The naivety and innocence of your twenties is needed sometimes, when your are getting to know someone.

  32. Jide

    April 21, 2017 at 2:03 pm

    This is perhaps one of the most apt relationship article I have read in recent times. You might not fully appreciate it, except if you are living some of the script in this article. The maturity one gains in their 30s make it harder to get into relationships. You go on ‘one’ date with several people, and you write them off right away, due to one reason or the other. The same people, if you had gone on a date with them in your mid twenties, a relationship might have started, and it would have led to a happy marriage. The naivety and innocence of your twenties is needed sometimes, when your are getting to know someone.

  33. olo

    April 21, 2017 at 2:19 pm

    I will advise men to get a woman in her 20s, and if you get a woman in her 30s, make sure she is a woman that is happily single. My Marriage lasted just 3yrs, I was 30, just got back from UK after over ten years, and married a Naija born and breed lady, who is also 30. Her desperation to get married made her marry someone (me) that I don’t think she really assessed our compatibility, Her desperation even made her lie about her genotype, as she knew me being AS will make me less likely to marry her an ‘AS’. So her and her sister lied to me that she was ‘AA’. The desperation cloud their assessment of you. When a girl in her twenties says she loves you, it is more bankable than a lady in her 30s. The ‘I love you’ from some ladies in their 30s is not pure, as it is mixed with desperation to get married.

    • me me me

      April 21, 2017 at 11:29 pm

      Totally disagree, just like saying one black person mugged me so all black person are criminals. Generalisation!!!! That’s your experience but it’s personal to you

  34. Christian J

    April 21, 2017 at 5:39 pm

    Here, everybody is right.

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