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Thinking of Sharing an Apartment With Your Bestie? Here Are 5 Things to Consider Before You Do

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Things are hard; cost-of-living is skyrocketing, and unless you are making some serious bucks, living on your own in Nigeria could cost you an arm and a leg. To be honest, it is easier to save yourself the extra financial burden by just remaining at home and living with your parents or maybe squatting with an aunty or uncle – in the case where your family home is in another state. However, where these options are not viable or you are just tired of being nagged around by your parents/aunty, and you want your own space, the next best option is usually to rent an apartment with someone else, preferably a friend. Even better, your best friend.

Getting an apartment with your best friend will certainly seem a great option, as you get to split most of the bills. Also, since you already know each other, it is easier to cope with your eccentricities and have fun while you’re at it. Unfortunately, while it appears to be a great move, moving in with your best friend may not be as good idea as you think it is.

It could end your friendship
Every friendship is unique; however, living with your best friend will not be the perpetual sleepover or long-term house party you imagine it would be. The late night drinking or movie-binge sessions that would usually end up with both of you hugging and falling asleep in the same bed may never even happen. Instead, you will find that she likes to leave her toenails clippings on the dining table. Sometimes, Bestie forgets to flush the toilet, or sings in the shower at the top of her lungs at 5 a.m while getting ready for work. It will irritate hell out of you.

Also, you are faced with certain realities like sharing bills, completing designated house chores e.t.c. It changes the dynamics of your relationship. Money is a very sensitive subject that could ruin even the best relationships. Your friend might skip out on the utility bills or pay her share of the bills late, and that alone could ruin your friendship. Basically, moving in together with your best friend puts a kind of strain on the relationship that makes it hard for it to survive unless you both are open-minded and determined.

You will both become co-detectives in the ongoing mystery that is your lives
Despite the fact that she/he is your best friend, there are certain things you want to keep away from them. For instance, you may not want them to know that you are cocaine addict, you have 6 nipples or you masturbate 4 times a day. You also may not want them to know that you have a crazy relationship with your mom that involves her coming to burn sage in your room every Saturday morning.
Unfortunately, living with your bestie entails that she/he finds out about all those things. She/he would certainly walk in on you at odd times, and will feel a certain kind of freedom with you that you may no longer understand.
Again, you find yourself becoming a detective, always snooping around your bestie’s things to find a clue that would possibly validate a suspicion or premonition. Your bestie in turn starts to keep tabs on you unnecessarily.
You could be out and get a call from her asking you where you are and when you tell her you could get a response like: “You are still at Ikoyi, but I am looking at your Instagram and it says you are at bay lounge, Lekki phase 1. Did you go out with Tobi again, is he bringing you home?” Basically you find yourselves being too involved in each other’s lives in ways that could be irritating and even nerve-racking.

You become stingy
For some reason, best friends always find a way to share things, even when they are of opposite sex or different in size, body built and height. Living with the bestie, especially if you both have similar styles and sizes, automatically means you each have earned an additional wardrobe. Once you move in, you find he/she recklessly making selections from you crop of accessories…and before long, cases of unreturned items, damaged clothing, or over-borrowing will force a chance in your nature.
You gradually become this vindictive and stingy person who will not share anything anymore rather than the generous and free-spirited person who didn’t mind sharing her stuff.

Clothing, accessories and possessions aside, you find yourself calculating everything to make sure you are not covering your friend’s responsibilities. When normally you would invite your friend for a sleepover at your parents and spent up to N10,000 coking up a storm, you know cannot even bring out N100 to buy a bag of pure water for the two of you. She has to bring her own N50 for you to have peace of mind.

You Will Become Co-Dependent On Each Other
The idea of moving out of your parents and living on your own usually is so that you can get a level of independence and figure out how to manage your life on your own. Living with a best friend most times defy that purpose. You are rarely alone. You spend too much time with them and as a result, you are unable to branch out, meet new people and have new experiences that would mold you and teach you the independence that you seek. Again, the two of you may unknowingly become too dependent on each other. You are unable to make decisions about your life without input from the other. You let the other handle your weaknesses and so you are unable to work on them or develop them into strength.
You may even lose your unique identity as you become too attached; start speaking and gesturing like each other. Unless you are maybe looking to practice co-habiting for marriage, this could be a set-back rather than upward movement for you.

You Will Realize You Are Actually In Love with Them
This usually is the case when two best friends of opposite sex co-habit. Living with a best friend means that you spend a lot of time together; you share almost everything including your thoughts and experiences. The friend seems to always be there to listen to you complain about your on-again-off-again relationship, and you do the same for him. In fact, you find yourself doing “coupley” things like accidentally stay up until 3 a.m. having a heart-to-heart about life in general or just Netflix and chilling. People assume you’re dating or married, since you go to parties together and do things with other people together. All of these tend to pull the strings of your heart and before long you start to fancy yourself in love with them. In fact, sometimes you actually do fall in love with them and believe it was “meant to be” when in reality it isn’t.

In summary, it is important to make proper consideration before taking the step to rent a place with a best friend. And if you feel that rooming with them could potentially damage your relationship, you are better off still staying home with your parents or co-habiting with a fresh person entirely.

Do you think rooming with a best friend is a smart move?

Photo Credit: Syda Productions | Dreamstime.com

Nkem Ndem is an energetic and highly accomplished Media Consultant who loves to help small businesses, especially women-led, grow their online presence using the right digital strategy or transition from traditional organizational boundaries. With years of experience in Copywriting and Editing, Content Branding and Strategy, Social media, and Digital Marketing, she is clearly obsessed with Digital Communications. She is the Head of Content and Lead Consultant at Black Ink Media - an Ideation and Content Agency that excels in providing fresh, creative digital services to content-centric businesses. Find out more about her at www.blackinkm.com or send her an e-mail at [email protected] Also follow her on IG: @nkemndemv, Twitter: @ndemv.

9 Comments

  1. Vee

    April 24, 2017 at 4:01 pm

    Personally,it’s not a good idea, for friendship sake,cos most times they turn enemies,and over trivia issues. Seen enough of such

  2. The Real Oma

    April 24, 2017 at 4:36 pm

    Not usually a good idea, except for charity sake sha.
    Same goes for getting your friend a job in your office, especially if its a small establishment and you answer to the same boss.
    Been there, done that.

  3. Ewa

    April 24, 2017 at 4:37 pm

    This article is so true. Happened to me. Living together ended the friendship….

  4. nunulicious

    April 24, 2017 at 7:12 pm

    I may be living with my cousin who is sometimes my best friend. this article is very timely. thanks a bunch!

  5. john

    April 24, 2017 at 9:28 pm

    Very nice article..this remind me when I came back to Nigeria after my studies 6 to 7 years ago ..I am from a very wealthy family ..so the house I live in was actually my house in ikeja ..a male childhood friend of mine was living with me and I made the biggest mistake of my life by letting a woman come between us ..I was the culprit..I did him wrong( no I didn’t sleep with his girlfriend nor did he did mine tp the best of my knowledge ) but my ex just didnt like him ( bcos he was the one that truly saw her true colour) and I let her manipulate me into chasing him out even though I know how difficult and expensive rents are in lagos..oh boy, I was weak and naive then and quite spoilt..I still regret it and has asked for forgiveness ..and I still do everything to make it up to him..there was a land I sold to him very cheap and my mother still make fun of me ,that I did it bcos of guilty conscience.. and come to think of it ..she maybe right

    • The Real Oma

      April 25, 2017 at 9:51 am

      Now we know from whence your issue with women stem, sorry.
      And you had to tell us you are from a VERY wealthy home???
      That tiny bit of information added nothing to your narration!

  6. Louis

    April 25, 2017 at 3:14 pm

    Our people say that friendship works best when you visit each other, and also that the sound of a bitter kola when a bite is taken is not how it tastes as you chew it. Living with a bestie is not a good idea. It might appear rosy initially but go sour along the line. Think twice before embarking on this.

  7. I said so

    April 25, 2017 at 3:28 pm

    This truth reminds me of lawschool, thank God its all over.Never again.

  8. Chinny

    April 25, 2017 at 11:29 pm

    So true! Back then in UK, bestie and I were even working in the same office so we got separate apartments (with the same landlord o). The English landlord didn’t understand why we couldn’t just share an apartment bcos we even kept taking turns in sleeping at each other’s place, we lived just 10 mins walk apart (lol). Thankfully we were both mature enough to understand the cons of living together as besties, and the friendship is very tight till date.
    So it’s a NO to living with your bestie if u value the friendship. If it’s for charity sake, it’s okay. But to live permanently, Pls don’t.

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