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Ibidunni Damilola: The Emotionally Unavailable

Ibidunni Damilola

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It is intriguing how some people can enjoy and appreciate the solace of their own company without craving the attention of another who holds the promise of love in a relationship.

”Are they sad?”
“Are they broken?”
“Are they hopeless?”

These are the questions one would ponder over, as they encounter people of this nature. It becomes a sad situation when you find yourself deeply in love with such a person who unfortunately can’t reciprocate your affections.

These individuals seem not to understand the idea of a relationship, or rather, they avoid the idea of a relationship associated with others emotionally.

Having drinks with the guys, hanging out with the girls, making out with strangers without the slightest idea of seeing them again, amongst others, are their ideas of what constitute ideal relationships. It is sometimes their life experiences that have molded their somewhat difficult selves. They would, justifiably, rather be alone.

You are caught up in the confusion of falling in love with such a person and it is almost driving you insane that they do not crave your attention or reciprocate your affection. You are entirely lost because you simply cannot comprehend how someone could be so empty and cruel to you, when all you want is to love them.

“Why doesn’t he ever text me back?”
“Why wouldn’t she even give me a chance?”

You try so hard to convince them to give you a chance but they just never yield to your pleas. You become emotionally frustrated, when all you mean to them is a “Friend with Benefits” and nothing more. They desist from putting any label on what you share – disallowing emotional attachment.

Some of the most popular reasons why some people become emotionally unavailable are:

Commitment issues
These set of people find it difficult staying in a long-term relationship. People with commitment issue experience love like every other person, but the idea of love, marriage or raising a family builds up their anxiety, making them constantly averse to love. Relationships can be suffocating for them as they find it hard to commit. This might degenerate into commitment phobia or relationship anxiety. They want to just be left alone to do what they want to do, when they want to do it and with whom they want to do it with.

Previous Heartbreaks
Getting your heart broken by that person you care about is a lesson that hurts very deeply. For them that is the definition of relationships – heartbreak. They believe the promise of love is a lie and will eventually end up in heartbreak. They are not ready to go down that lane and get their heart shattered once more on the basis of some invented force the human race calls love.

The Fear of Intimacy
They see being close and open to someone else as a sign of weakness. They fear allowing another into their world or bringing down their walls will signify vulnerability because in a situation where love thrives between both parties, the evolvement of their world around this person who they love might be unbearable. They fear being weak, dependable or vulnerable because of another.

Narcissism
Some individuals are just egotistic. They rather care for themselves than others. They find it hard to utter statements in “third person” using words like “us” or “we.” It’s always going to be about them. They are really not bothered about any other person. They care less about what people think about them, whether good or bad. They are unbothered about the beauty of love or relationships. For them it’s another activity people engage in to use up time.

Sacrifices
They think about all the efforts and sacrifices they are going to put into a relationship on the long run and already feel suffocated by the thought. They don’t see the worth of putting their all in someone who might eventually hurt them or make them feel unwanted or needy. They prefer these sacrificial efforts be channeled into something they are sure won’t disappoint or cause them pain.

Friends-with-Benefits
It’s all about sex and no emotions for them. They want to just have sex with you without emotions getting involved in the equation. This usually involves two good friends who have casual sex without a monogamous relationship or any form of commitment. That’s all that interests them. Such persons prefer being in a friend-with-benefit relationship than actual intimate relationship. If feelings develop along the way; they will dissolve the union before anything transpires.

Self-Development
Work, career, dreams fulfillments amongst others are priority for some individuals. They will allow nothing come between them and their goals or dreams. They are less interested in distractions such as relationships. They are focused on their work and not ready to compromise it for any reason. This is usually temporal.

High Expectations
These sets of people have their world revolved around fairytales. They want the “perfect” man or woman. They crave someone with the right morphological feature, outstanding career, flawless character, etc. Their reality is based upon concocted fantasies. They raise their bar so high they rather remain forever single than settle for anything below their expectation. They have out-sized expectations of what their “soul mate” should be.

Religious and Cultural Orientations
We are surrounded by different religious and cultural orientations which sometimes cloud our mind consciously and unconsciously and as such, emotionally unavailability could be necessitated by these perceptions. These emotionally unavailable people cancel every notion of emotions, waiting for the right time to have anything emotional, mental or physical with the opposite sex.

Sexual commitments
This is somewhat related to “religious and cultural orientations” only that it is more direct and precise. Some individuals just don’t buy the idea of sex in a casual boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. They will decline every proposal of anything sexual, even when they are deeply in love with the person, with the possibility of losing that person. This sometimes causes their emotional unavailability, because to some individuals love-making is a form of true love and thus, get turned off when their partner doesn’t intend to satisfy this need.

These are some of the reasons why some individuals appear emotionally unavailable despite the continuous effort to attract their attention. It doesn’t necessarily signify any bad intention. It is sometimes a situation of some life experiences, not being interested in a relationship or they are simply not interested in a relationship with that person.

If you find yourself in such a situation with someone who you deeply care about but seem to be emotionally unavailable, you need to take time and study their personality or possibly ask that person some questions to understand the reason for their judgments. Sometimes, it is of best interest to let them be, maybe, they’ll come around.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Flair Images

Ibidunni Damilola views the world as a stage and everyday an adventure through which he explores his vast interests. He is intrigued by the cores of humanity and its complexity, which he reflects in his crafts. Follow him on IG @ibidunnidamilola and on Twitter @iamibidunni.

30 Comments

  1. Lisa

    July 18, 2017 at 8:34 am

    Story of my life. I think I’m in love with someone who’s emotionally unavailable. As in I can’t even understand him. One minute he’s acting interested and all, next minute I’m just lost. Will take me out on fancy dates but won’t say anything. The one time he managed to tell me he loves me it was just weird, still no idea what we are doing.
    We aren’t even physical, as in no holding hands, no even kissing. My sisters have told me to leave him but I’m in love.
    I started becoming distant, he asked what’s wrong, we’ve decided to talk when we see but still………
    I just don’t know.

    • RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

      July 18, 2017 at 11:12 am

      Lisa darling, please runnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn very far away from him. The signs are all over. If you keep stringing along and u eventually date this person, the emotional torture u will endure might destroy u. Please for your own sanity, run. I know it’s hard ‘cuz I’ve been there but it the end I realized I should have let go even two+ years before.
      Will you love again? Oh yes and by God your own will find you. E-Hugs and cheers to the race.
      Don’t forget, run o. Run like your life depends on it dear.

    • Nate

      July 18, 2017 at 11:13 am

      He’s an inconsistent man and will keep going HOT AND COLD with you. Happened to me for 1 month, guess what? I left him, forgot him and focused on my life and guess what he did? Came back behaving like a human being but by then, I’ve loss interest and moved on. He’s still trying to win me back but I’ve move on with a serious person.

      You’ve to cut all means of communication, he will keep you thinking something is wrong with you when he’s the inconsistent one. You don’t have to block him, no. stop calling or sending him sms. If he calls, allow it ring and don’t pick it. If a man truly wants you, he will show you. also stop being available for him, if he calls you up for a date, tell him you’re busy.

      focus on you and believe me, someone serious will come.

      Your talk should be: If he wants to stay with you then he should be consistent or leave you alone. table out your emotional needs, if he can’t give you that, girl, let him walk. You deserve better

    • meah

      July 18, 2017 at 4:31 pm

      My word!! I cannot explain how loud i exclaimed (at work o) when i saw this topic. Ladies and gentlemen, I am in a ‘situationship’ with an emotionally unavailable guy. Unlike the causes/reasons given above however, my ‘boo’ s situation was caused by the circumstances of his birth and his upbringing. His parents never got married and he grew up with his grandparents feeling, according to him, unwanted by his parents and smothered by his granps which in turn helped mold him to a brilliant but distant chap. He’s very reclusive and bails when he feels he’s getting too attached to anyone. In his sunshine moments, he’s a perfect male; calls me at 5 hour intervals every single day at the same time to check on me, drives from his office on the other side of town to mine just to to pick up my car to help get it washed and polished, gets his out of town cousin to call and wish me a happy birthday…you get the drift. Then one day you wake up and he doesnt call or return your call. for the next 6 months.
      First time that happened I nearly went crazy wondering what was wrong. I actually told my boss who encouraged me to call his office and when i did, he told me casually that he was fine, just needed some alone time. This was after 4 months of being AWOL. And just the same way he went into hibernation without notice, out of the blues, he showed up at my door 6 months later and asked if i wanted to go have dinner. I ranted and raved but all he did was hold my hands, looked me in the eyes to say sorry and then he said “I cant help myself but i’m working on me”. Its been 4 years, yep 4. The öff” times have happened for at least 3 months in each of those years, where he just unplugs from the world and holes up. My friends even joke about it now and i tell them i’m waiting for him to come up for air. I wish I could just chin him because i”m exclusive with someone who is emotionally unavailable but i really do care about him. He has no friends other than a handful of people, including his boss who has taken him on as a special project. I had to come to the realization and accept that we will not end up together but I wont stop caring about him, and this has helped me deal better with the times he goes into hibernation. I think God brings some people our way so that we can help them and i firmly believe my friend falls squarely in this category, even when it hurts to know we will never be together the way i would have loved.

    • Lisa

      July 18, 2017 at 6:14 pm

      Thanks guys. Your comments have given me some strength. Need to get out asap! xx

    • Kay

      July 19, 2017 at 5:49 pm

      Girl, you better run as fast as you can!! Found myself in the same situation for about 4 years. I thought he was my soul mate. No one could understand me the way he did. We would talk for hours in a day. All I got from the situationship was conversations lol

      2 years later, I’m getting married to my best friend. I don’t even miss my “ex” lol. Can’t even call him ex with peace of mind sef since whatever we had was not defined.

  2. VivaMaria

    July 18, 2017 at 9:14 am

    how do you convert a “Friends with Benefits” relationship into a committed one?

    • Nate

      July 18, 2017 at 11:15 am

      Might never work but then, give them space and stop giving and receiving. If they want commitment, they will ask for it but if not……..let it go.

  3. Apple Pie

    July 18, 2017 at 10:18 am

    Hello, Ibidunni
    hmm… God bless you for this article. To think I found myself in this same position. I fell madly in love with this one guy i thought was the right person after a long break i took from dating/relationship. But he hit me with the I’m not “emotionally available” right now. speech.. I begged him to allow us see how it goes, one step at a time; but I was just pushing things so I let go. I still love him, but what’s most important is my happiness and sanity. (sigh)

    Am I hurt and back to square one? Yes.

    … Often times, we (ladies) get carried away and live based on assumptions. DO NOT assume just because you’re getting the same vibe from a guy, you’re already in a relationship or he’d agree to being in one. ALWAYS set the record straight from the beginning; forget the fact that it might seem you’re being too forward. FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR SANITY.

    On the other hand, GUYS please don’t lead a lady on if you are not “emotionally available”.

    (sigh)

  4. Ecstasy

    July 18, 2017 at 10:23 am

    This is me, i’m unavailable without intending to be. The idea of showing emotions is a sign of weakness for me, and it’s starting to affect my relationship with this wonderful guy. Although chances of us ending up together is quite slim, given that we’re both of the aame genotype AS. I’ve tried ending our relationship but he keeps on holding unto us, and I really don’t want to hurt him but the odds are just not in our favour.

  5. Chic

    July 18, 2017 at 11:00 am

    Mine has to do with fear of commitment to the wrong person. This is as a result of my upbringing and previous heartbreaks. I want stability and hate to jump from one relationship to another so I’ll rather take my time till I’m ready to give it all up, and be indifferent to whatever outcome it presents.

    • Baby gurl

      July 18, 2017 at 2:36 pm

      Oh my God. You are me! I’m in my mid twenties. No relationship ever. Never agreed to anyone. My parents marriage is a failure though they are still together of course just to “save face”. Their marriage has changed my life and outlook on love and marriage. More like a scar. I would never settle. I’m afraid I’ll never find the love of my life but as painful as it sounds, I’ll rather be alone forever than commit to a soulless man till death. My emotional unavailability is definitely the bane of my current singleness. I’ll add psychological unavailability to that too.

    • Ijeoma

      July 18, 2017 at 5:15 pm

      you can never be indifferent to an outcome. You might like to think that way but it is not possible. Listen ladies and gentleman fear in life is not a good reason to avoid doing anything in life. Yes, don’t settle but don’t stop yourself from building and forming meaningful relationship because of f ear or because of your parents or whatever else. At the end of the day you punish yourself the most not anybody else. For those who are in love with people that fall in any of these categories, listen to yourself and know that you deserve more. Do not sulk and sulk and mourn about it. Move on and give other people around you love so you can be loved back. Take your time but build meaningful relationships. This does not only apply to relationships, it applies to friendships too and just life in general. Write your own stories, do not map out your life based on somebody else’s lived experiences. Life is a gamble, it would work for others, it won’t work for others but you would never know unless you try. Heartbreaks, disappointments, tears, joys and laughter are all part of life. They all make us.Be an adult, live, learn and love. Life would not treat you differently because you are afraid or don’t want that experience certain things, it would only pass you by!

  6. Brizola

    July 18, 2017 at 11:25 am

    I am that person. It’s all the above except heart break because I have never been heartbroken. I am so scared of commitment and long term relationships. I think my parent’s marriage played a part in making me this way. I love the single life, I love my job and I am extremely king but my heart is just not open. I need to speak to therapist someday.

    • Sisi

      July 18, 2017 at 12:30 pm

      Omg this is so me. I just pity mysefl at times because boy do I crave the companionship and time is ticking away however I have never met anyone that I would even consider letting the walls down for – I want to be friends with everyone but I am even incapable of that most times. Every glimmer of hope becomes a distant memory quickly because I don’t want to be a hearbreaker either I run fast. Sigh. Maybe one day

    • omolabake

      July 18, 2017 at 12:52 pm

      @Sisi, your mum was not just a prayer warrior for the show, find a church like hers around you and change church.

      warning there are so many fake one of that type, so be careful

  7. My story

    July 18, 2017 at 11:43 am

    So young yet I’ve suffered heartbreak so bad that I gave up on relationship.
    I don’t fancy the idea of giving my all to someone esp due to past experiences.
    I’m so cut up in hustle that I hardly give space for friendship and relationship & too think I used to be the social guy in my past life.
    I need something deeper from people but you hardly see someone willing to go so deep. The world is so noisy these days.

    My past experience in life esp at a young age shaped my mentality so bad. I’m usullay the fun happy guy who never dates anyone and people are like this dude is gay.

    Well when I was young my male cousins did that thing we are always trying to keep our kids away from.

    Bad thought
    Bad experience

    abstained from sex/relationship for 10-11 years of my life.

    Nw I’m just a bi guy who wants kids only so I can protect them and show them love with all my heart.

    As for sex and dating: i just want to cum
    With no long emotions. I have been so opportuned to be loved by a lady and been shown interest from guys.

    But the heart wants what it wants

    Which is nothing
    ………….
    I just want my future babies to be happy and protected. If you ask me what sex if at all would I love to settle down with,il say without thinking the females cuz obviously I want kids.

    But if I must be with a lady she needs to understand my past and my pain.

    ……..wish I could explain more,but my past Keeps hunting me.

    Ps: till nw I haven’t still had penetrative sex with a guy and made out with the first guy in my life this year. Not bad but that’s not what I want.
    “I’ll be a genius if I didn’t think with my penis”

    Don’t be harsh on me Bella Naija comentors rather give me and advice

  8. Aloof

    July 18, 2017 at 1:19 pm

    Okay, is this emotional unavailability or just aloofness.

    I’m someone who genuinely enjoys her own company, I detest unnecessary intrusion, I mind my business and expect you to mind yours.

    I remember birthdays, anniversaries, etc and I am there but that’s all, I spend my birthday alone, tbh, I love to travel on my birthday, wake up early in the morning as the sunrises and say a thank you prayer to God.

    I’m careful how I make friends or who I open up to, I will talk to you, treat you fine, etc but if I don’t feel we vibe or I can trust you, I don’t bring you too close and if you try to come too close, I erect the boundaries immediately. People have said I’m someone who can commit murder and get away with it because I’m friendly, personable, etc but extremely secretive.

    Personally, I kind of believe people need to have emotional and mental strength to be bold enough to allow only those they approve of into their personal space – if I don’t like your energy, you aren’t getting into my world. I’ll joke with you, smile, be polite but that’s about it. I’m keeping you at arms length. Some people will be hanging out with people and turn around to gossip and complain about certain things they are doing to them; why not just leave the circle. I have friends and I’m loyal to them but I’m careful who I let in.

    When it comes to men, I have more than my fair share of toasters and some of them say things like ‘you don’t act like you like me, you’re a tough person and I’m thinking,, you behave stupidly to me, I call you out very politely and you’re surprised I stopped speaking with you? Maybe cos I didn’t scream at you.

    My emotional and mental health is very important to me, no emotional vampires allowed.

    E.g, I just resumed in an office, there’s a girl trying to be a friend, I’ve seen through her, she’s a manipulative person and enjoys gossip (I have excellent people reading skills). I say hi to her but I’ve subtly made her a colleague only.

    Please is this emotional unavailability or what.

    • Miss sunshine

      July 19, 2017 at 11:22 am

      lol @ aloof. You just described me perfectly here. I don’t think it’s emotional unavailability per se, it’s more like you don’t allow any and everybody to get too close. I’m the exact same way, I’m so picky and i enjoy my own company so much that people sometimes call me a snob.

    • Dee

      July 20, 2017 at 3:07 am

      Hello aloof it’s nice to meet you. The whole time I was reading this I thought I wrote this, my sister even sent me your comment asking if I wrote it. Nice to find someone so similar

  9. mr. x

    July 18, 2017 at 1:49 pm

    nice article!!! team #heartbroken and proudly emotionally unavailable… its safer this way. When i love, i think i do it too much, it turns me into a vulnerable baby. I have #suffered. initially i never believed a relationship could exist without emotions and wondered how my guys move from one lady to the next… just like that.. and there are ladies who do the same. in fact ladies are probably worst slave masters. If a lady doesn’t like you in that sense or stops liking you. its over. the more you try, the more irritated she gets. I am not hurting anyone or messing with peoples feelings… i don’t just carry my “heart” upandan like i use to. I can be nice and caring and trust worthy and unselfish…but i can’t make myself vulnerable.

  10. Babe

    July 18, 2017 at 4:20 pm

    My story….

    i fell heads over heels in love with this guy and guess what he shattered my heart because breaking is an understatement. we were together for three years. the annoying part is that i saw the signs and whenever i decided to break free, he changed and became very loving. so many things i can’t begin writting. eventually he cancelled our wedding plans, relocated to the US and i saw pictures of his new wife on Facebook.

    for some reason i can’t date or fall in love. i meet wonderful guys, go on dates but its like i am a third party at dates. like i am sitting on another table watching this girl (me) having a wonderful time with this guy and knowing that it won’t go anywhere. and it never goes anywhere. i even begin to hate any one i date. i can’t commit any longer and i have a secret longing to inflict some other guy with such pains but i am not ready yet. recently i met this guy i liked from school, but i don’t want to date him because i don’t want to hate him.

    i have been praying to God to make me emotionally available soon

    • Eyah

      July 19, 2017 at 12:19 am

      This made me sad. Your ex has moved on baby girl. It’s time to move on and stop punishing everyone for what your ex did to you. Take the time to truly reevaluate your failed relationship so you don’t make the same mistakes in the next one. Open your heart, date, and meet good men. Forget your ex and forgive yourself.

  11. Bowl

    July 18, 2017 at 5:34 pm

    I am very emotionally unavailable for the right reasons . I have a very effective mechanism for disengaging/detaching myself from people. How did I get here?
    I grew up with a maternal uncle after my father died. I was with them for 9 years. I was 5 when i went to stay with them.Although my uncle was kind to me , his wife was something else. Not like she was your typical cruel anty. But i was abused emotionally. I was beaten and not allowed to cry. I was denied my rights of being a child. I was shut off from evincing the gifts I cane to life with. I left them to begin another journey of emotional trauma with my mother.
    I have since learnt that tyranny is very bad weapon in the hand of a woman .My mother became a widow at 27 and my father ‘s people were not kind to her. Thus, she became a very bitter person. She also kept some relationships which I and my siblings helped destroy at one time. This landed us into very serious trouble as were separated from her for about 3 years . Before the separation she brought policemen to beat and lock us up in their cells but for the intervention of the local vigilante. She also brought the matter before the Igwe of my town. The Igwe ruled in our favour. Thus , after the separation my paternal relatives used us as they deemed fit .My maternal people naturally took side with my mother. I had completed secondary school at this time. I had rich uncles who could sponsor my university education but they all shied away from it . I also became born again at this time.(receiving a new lease of life from Jesus)
    I was 20 when we made up with mother . She was still living her life like before and for the very fact that I engineered our first separation, I became her sworn enemy. I couldn’t fight back.I experienced the worst form of emotional and physical abuse you can ever imagin. I attempted suicide several times. My mother on one occasion, taunted me for a failed suicide. I well remember her standing by my door one morning by 5 am cursing me . I had to quickly leave the house then.Was given the beating (not like this was the last) of my life a week later. when I came to collect the things she bought for me for my success in the 2nd MBBS. My mother abandoned me after fourth year med school exams.Thus I had to cater for myself.
    In med school, I made friends . Most were very selfish and very in love with themselves.They knew what I owed them but never the slightest thing they owed me. Some of them were born again Christians. One that I was particularly close to , called a week after I told her I passed surgery primary (entry requirement for surgery residency in Nigeria;was the first woman to qualify from my very competitive center) and whether I actually passed the exam. For these my friends , it was always about them. It seemed they preyed continually on my person, cashing in on my various weaknesses (sometimes inability to say no) and manipulating the very life out of me for their gain.
    I didn’t mention that I became sick a year before 2nd MBBS. and thus had to keep to myself most times. This sickness had a pattern and defied every form of medical and spiritual help.
    The pattern was three weeks of continuous health crisis and one week of remission before another crisis ensues, My friends still expected me to bear their burdens despite having a knowledge of my plight. I couldn’t keep up with the steep academic competition and failed 3 time before I graduated. Because of these failures and inability to keep up with the competition, my friends would often interpret my kindness and sacrifice for them to mean that I want their validation to keep up with them. My ill health brought me humiliations and almost dehumanization to me in med school and residency. Suicide ideations were rife.But
    Good news,
    There was this woman I used to escape into her world to ease off pain from my sickness and heartbreak from family and friends. She was a spectacular champion and had her face set as flint to conquer her world . When I was twenty nine I made peace with her and became her. I have never looked back since then. I know I owe nobody nothing.
    I still have relationships.I only treat people the way they want to be treated.
    Funny most of my friends who are multicolored reptiles , who hurt me several times keep expecting hundred percent loyalty from me when I had long detached myself from them. I have one or two sincere friends to whom I am emotionally involved but to the rest including family, they have my cocoon to deal with.

    • Eyah

      July 19, 2017 at 12:32 am

      Lots of abused people locked up in their pasts. Please forgive your abusers and forgive yourself. Otherwise you will carry this character to your children. I know because I am the child of an emotionally abused mother. She does things she doesn’t realize is abusive to her own kids. She’s distant and not as affectionate. She has never forgiven those who abused her and replays the scene perfectly for who ever can hear. It’s so uncomfortable and negative being around her. Carrying resentment and hurt does not make you desireabke and it hurts your loved ones. You empower your abusers over you by keeping the hurt. Drop those baggages and move on ! God will reward and bless you. This is where truly believing in a higher power and having faith that God will see you through and deliver you of your burdens is so important. Leave all your baggage at the altar of God, let him deal with it. Chase your own life ferociously and go after all the things you want and deserve. Be it love, marriage, children. Don’t ever make them suffer for your experiences. Open a new page and be a new person. This doesn’t mean you should not be wise. But create a healthy balance! I wish all of you love, peace and reconciliation.

  12. Licia

    July 18, 2017 at 8:18 pm

    Wow!!! This is so true.. I just had to drop a comment…. Thanks for the write up Ibidun!!
    I can relate with this article cause I have been there and still exhibit some of these traits, and it can be very faustrating when you’re at the receiving end of an emotionally unavailable relationship..Most often ,you just can’t help be this way ,even when you know it’s hurting the other person. it takes a very patience and understanding person who’s willing to stay ,support,love and help the person through it….

  13. Me

    July 19, 2017 at 12:28 am

    Nice article….. but I think we need more articles about how to avert emotional unavailability or how to help we that have this “condition”. Most of us don’t like it but it’s something I think we need help with.

    Me I don’t date anymore before somebody will beat me up, curse me or even worse kill me.

    I pray God helps me.

  14. artklub

    July 19, 2017 at 6:01 am

    Nice article.

  15. Unknown

    July 19, 2017 at 9:42 am

    Very nice article. This is so mee!! Mine is a chronic one, I have been emotionally unavailable since forever. I am 24 now and still unavailable.
    The only reason is because I am scared to commit, besides I dont have similar feelings for people like the way they claim they do for me. They eventually get frustrated when I don’t reciprocate their love.lol This has been on for a while now. Its just easier to be single and unattached really than to date a guy who might eventually break your heart.
    I think the emotionally unavailable need help. How can we be helped??

  16. Bella

    July 20, 2017 at 3:31 am

    This is me. I’m forever emotionally unavailable.
    I can wake up one morning and decide today is break up day giving you one or two reasons I think fits and that’s end. I honestly cannot stand people invading my private space half the time in my head I’m like will you Mooooooveee! I have never. been heart broken ever, I sense things from a mile away so before you say jack, I would have given eviction notice.

    Some of the above characteristics I fall within that but I do not have any past hurt making me emotionally unavailable this is just my personality.

    Yes, you may say how do i expect to get married with such traits I’ve got to change. Thank you! However I do not see marriage as a do or die.. I have little to no interest in it. So if it happens, the this said partner presence must top my solitude. If it doesn’t, no big deal. Still a happy content individual living life this way

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