I was having a conversation with a distant friend and I asked about her relationship status, since her last breakup months ago. She told me she was still single and I inquired the reason behind her decision to remain single for so long. In a flash, she replied, “I am not interested in a relationship yet, been there, done that.”
I suddenly had a premature heart contraction, i.e. my heart suddenly skipped a beat. These words hit me, not because they sounded ecstatic or nonchalant, but the magnitude of its profoundness struck a core.
Relationships are one of those life goals everyone wants to engage in at a point in their lives. To have someone embrace you in your dimmest without judging your unpleasant inadequacies. Especially a fond connection where one is free to be himself/herself, to laugh with, to cry with, to love with and never grow into a green heart. But like every force, perfection is fairly impossible and these disadvantages, sadly, most often than not, ruins all the good memories.
“Years of love have been forgotten, in the hatred of a minutes.” – Edgar Allan Poe.
Being in love, genuinely, isn’t an issue, staying in love is where the issue lies, and that all comes down to your mental maturity. If you can’t sincerely handle yourself and get your affairs in check, you can’t handle someone else; thus, you will keep finding yourself being unable to fulfil some basic responsibilities.
Being conflicted with one’s self is the inability to know what you want and what you need. These are inner conversations one must have with his/her mind. You need your personal time to mentally and emotionally break and heal.. if you want to grow. Loneliness might seem tormenting to the mind, but it is also an avenue to understand who you are and who you want to be. Your mind is a complement of your heart. When your mind is not settled, your heart is disorientated.
Some common signs of immaturity in a relationship are:
Mentally immature people put their needs first, without flinching for a second to consider the other person’s point of view. They lack the attentiveness and concern of others as opposed their narcissistic opinion.
This might seem rather general in relationships, but unlike a mature partner who listens before responding to a fault or opinion, an immature partner always blows an issues out of proportion, whether wrong or right. They get awfully defensive and sometimes get upset over the smallest issue, which gets worse when their partner is at fault.
• Pushing Buttons
An immature partner consciously makes you furious for something you obviously don’t condone. There is an obvious line between a joke and a serious conversation. They don’t understand this line. They intentionally annoy their partner and push this partner’s perception of an issue, causing him/her to react to their follies.
• Little or No Physical Chemistry
The physical chemistry is all they are interested in and the moment their advances are turned down, probably for a sensible reason, an unnecessary issue arises. It is sometimes a case of not being interested in the physical part of a relationship. They turn off that part of them and decline any attempt of a physical chemistry with their partner, giving ugly excuses to why they can’t have anything physical with them.
• Communication Issues
They have issues talking about their feeling despite the genuineness of their feeling which gets deeply frustrating to their partner. “Nothing is wrong”, “I don’t want to talk about it” are phrases they regularly use. They also entirely shut down when their partner needs an advice on a particular issue, because they are only bothered with things associated to them, thereby ignoring whatever issue their partner wants to discuss with them.
• Jealousy Tantrums
They always go out of their way to purposely make you consciously jealous, or throw tantrums when an opposite sex is involved with you, whether platonic or non-platonic. They flirt with the opposite sex to see the reaction of their partner, and if this partner doesn’t notice their dramatic stunt, they sometimes lose it and throw unnecessary outbursts.
Mentally immature people have no iota of respect for their partners.
• No Goals for The Future
They have no idea of where the relationship is headed and aren’t bothered by the thought. They don’t look forward to the future, but rather live in the moment.
This is usually called “Foot in Mouth” syndrome. They will almost certainly utter a statement or use words they immediately regret, after the damage has being done, of course. They put their partner down with their words in one moment and the next moment they are apologising.
If you want to love, be loved and be lovable, in body, soul and mind, you have to give your partner, if not your full attention, but most of it. It isn’t just a decision which could be temporary, it is a commitment. Be entirely honest with yourself, judge your mind and gauge your heart intimately.
Do you want this?
Do you need this?
Are you ready?
Breaking hearts or getting your heart broken on the basis of love isn’t healthy for anyone. Don’t be caught up in the dogma of “Getting hurt, over and over again to learn the tales of love because experience is the best teacher.”
No road is long without good company. You are your own company. You are your own teacher. You are your own experience. Understanding the cores of your mind and the expectancies of your heart is up to you, and not the responsibility of another. You need to learn how to fight your own battles, conquer your own obstacles and take on your own challenges.
It is selfish to get into a relationship because you feel incomplete with yourself or paralyzed by your own difficulties.
You don’t have to constantly look for love at every moment of your life, jumping from one relationship to one heartbreak. Don’t hurt a good person because you can’t get your affairs in check or get your heart broken because you can’t figure out what you exactly desire from a relationship.
Be the best you can be for the person who deserves the best of who you become.
Photo Credit: Dreamstime