My weekend was a hit! I was in the company of five amazing women, and from our discussions, I learnt many things. Two of them are:
- There are nuances in feminism, but the core idea is that our choices, as humans, should be respected on the grounds no one is getting hurt.
- As a woman who subscribes to feminism, you are expected to live the Baby Girl Life.
The Baby Girl Life means living to the fullest, as long as you are not harming anyone. There are several threats to the Baby Girl Life, and one of them is a patriarch, a.k.a. sexist. Every wise feminist knows he/she has to avoid these men and women that peddle every form of sexism.
As we have patriarchs, we also have “closet patriarchs”. This term was coined by Esiri.
You see, there are men out there who claim to be feminists, but deep down in their souls, they cling to toxic anti-feminist ideas. They will pretend to be feminists, get married to you, ruin your Baby Gal Destiny, and move on to the next peng thing. Sister, pull an Orubebe on this man and scream, “I wee not take eet!” I made a Facebook post, a poem, about that. Here goes:
Beware that ONLINE pseudo-feminist man!
He’ll stitch together the right words that would enthrall you to falling into the depths of his ‘profound, feminist mind’.
His saccharine posts will assault your sense, and you will let down your defence.
Before you can catch yourself, you’re insanely in love with him, and you tell yourself, “He’s the one.”
The one man you can have marriage equality with.
The one man that will treat you as an equal, not a subordinate.
The plot takes a twist after your wedding night.
Reality would smack you hard in the face when you refuse to make him breakfast at 3 AM.
Reality would smack you some more when he expects you not to make up because “You’re beautiful enough, you don’t need it”.
Insidiously, you begin to fade into a phantom.
You can’t use weave-ons, wigs, and extensions.
Already you have become a silent, insignificant extension of him.
“But he is a feminist,” you whisper to the walls of your bedroom at night, when his snores dance around the room.
What you didn’t know about your “Online Feminist Man” is that he was actually a feminist.
Yes. He is a feminist.
He wants his daughters to be treated equally, with respect.
But you are not his daughter.
You are his wife.
Remember when they said wife means helper? A subordinate?
Wife, you are.
Beware that faux feminist fella.
As stated earlier, this poem is dedicated to those men who literally snatch away the “baby” from your “baby girl”. They marry you, only to turn you into a shadow of who you once were. These toxic men blow out the life in your life. And no one would believe he is a monster, because he is saintly in the eyes of the world. They be like, “But he is a humanist, na. How can you say he is trying to destroy your destiny?”
Esiri made a witty Facebook post to warn gals-dem about these closet patriarchs. She wrote:
“If you were lucky enough to be born into the Baby Girl Life, or you have worked your butt off into upgrading your status in life into a Baby Girlicous one, you have to be very careful about the company you keep.
“And when I say “Company” in this context, I mean your choice of a partner, because SOME Men have the innate ability to snuff out the “Baby” in your ” Baby Girl” and by the time they are done with you, you shall become nothing but a “Geh!”.
“If you are a baby girl like yours truly over here, please take this post seriously because ees a seriouz sturv, and I am giving you this advice ‘based on who I be’ – a single mum unworthy of giving marital/relationship advice according to Nigerian Standards.
“Every threat to your Baby Girl-Ness should be met with stiff resistance. As a matter of fact it should Fall and Do Whaaat??? Die!! Die! Die!! Die!! Die!! Die!! Die!! Die!! (Shakes head from side to side for the matter).
“Sister in Baby Girlitude, before you met Mr.Adegboroja, you were taking flight from Lagos to Benin, a 30-45mins journey. He now said it’s a waste of money. Now it takes you four days to go from Lagos to Benin due to his recommended trekking option.
“Before you met Mr. Daddy Monsor, you were using Mac powder for a smooth and perfect finish. The day Oga saw the price, he exclaimed, “Holy Jehoshaphat! All this money for ordinary powder?!!” In exchange, he asked you to go and use dust, after all dust is free. Dust is brown and powdery.
“You’ll tell him, “I’m saving to get myself a Cartier bracelet/ channel bag for my birthday.”
“His response: “Why all these expensive sturv? There’s nothing fantastic about all these designers..you are just buying name. There are good sturv out there..must it be designer. You are too materialistic. Who are you forming for?”
“Little by little, just like a thief in the night, HARDSHIP shall fall on you, and your baby girl nature shall be extinguished for life.
“My Dear Baby Girls, dating Uncle Suffer-Head is a threat to your life. Life as you know it shall change drastically. Men like that will never help promote your baby girl life style with their money, neither will they let you spend your own money in advancement of Baby Girlitude in peace
“Don’t let anyone Guilt Trip you with nonsense talk. Bask in your Baby Girl-Ness and relish every moment. Life is way too short for long suffering.
“In the institution of Baby Girlism, there certainly are grades, some baby girl levels are higher than others, all fingers are not equal, we know! But why must yours be the shortest finger? Don’t let any man demote you at your own level abeg. For what? He should either Step Up or Step Aside. We should all aspire to Be Better & Live Life Better.
“Mr. Suffer-Head, why are you like this? Are you a principality? You left all those beautiful hardworking women hawking bread, and groundnut on your street, and you say it’s a baby girl’s destiny that you want to change. You will not succeed.”
Moral Lesson: Life is meant to be lived to the fullest. You should not stop being a baby gal because of marriage. Marriage does not mean your life has ended. Do not be fooled by faux feminist fellas that would sell you dreams of post-wedding Baby Girl Life, only to be relegated to a supporting character in your own story. Shine ya eyes! Marry a feminist, and continue the Baby Girl Life!
P.S. We live in a material world; it is okay to be materialistic. It is okay to want the best things in life on the grounds you are not hurting anyone. Let no one shame you for wanting what you want.
Photo Credit: Dreamstime| Rohappy