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Busola Adedire: Bad Boys, Reformed Bad Boys & the Women who Love them

Busola Adedire

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The other day, a guy confronted me with a question about women. “What exactly do women want?”, he asked. Being the real woman I am, I didn’t bother lying to the young man. I simply told him that women are complex. We say we want one thing, yet we fall the exact opposite. We want husband material, but we go for the bad boys.

I am sure you have heard several myths about bad boys a.k.a Alpha male or Yoruba demons, and why women love them. What is it about them that attracts so many ladies? For those who don’t know who a bad boy is, I’ll explain.

Bad boys are:

Rule-breakers
Bad boys do not conform, and I must say this is the number one quality that attracts many women (especially those that get a lot of attention) to them. What makes you stand out is having a mind of your own. But ladies, having a mind of your own is a double edged sword. You don’t want spineless, but neither should you want the extremely bull headed, can’t-tell-me-nothing type of guy. Pick your poison wisely.

Independent
The more independent a man is, the more attention he would command from women. Bad boys can be go-getters, independent, and extremely ambitious. Perhaps another word that explains this is unavailable. There is something about neediness that repels love but unavailability attracts. It is all fun and games sha, till you develop high B.P because he hasn’t called you in three days. Once again, pick your poison wisely.

Smooth Talkers
You know that saying about perfect things being unreal? Believe it. When he spits 10 bars on the first day you meet or keeps going on about how you look, calls you beautiful every 10 seconds, you better recognise that you are not dealing with an average Joe. Nine out of ten times, he will tell you exactly what you want to hear.

Straight-forward
I speak for majority when I say women like straight-forward men. You have more chances of success with them by coming as you are, and saying what’s on your mind. A bad boy has lived life, he is not ashamed of his story and who he is. In a culture where women are not encouraged to live like a bad boy, a bad boy’s experiences serve as the easiest means of bringing their fantasies to life. Opposites attract!

Mysterious
Mystery is a very potent weapon of attraction. Anything or anyone that cannot be easily defined, is unpredictable or cannot be confined in a box is mysterious. Women particularly, are attracted to mysterious guys because they can appear anywhere. In books and even movies, mysterious men are portrayed as those with a dark personality that can be redeemed only by certain women. Of course, every woman wants to be heroine.

A bad boy is not a husband. If you doubt me, ask the women who married their bad boy boyfriends. Getting married to you does not mean he will stop club hopping, neither does it mean that you will be able to save him from himself except he is willing to change. And yes, they do change… if they decide to. For others, hanging their boots comes at age 30, 40 or even 50s (cue George Clooney). We refer to these ones as Reformed Bad Boys or the ‘Z’ guy.

If bad boys are really your type, who you really should be with is a reformed bad boy. A reformed bad boy is one that has lived life, and decided he has had enough of his old ways. To be honest, no one really goes around looking for a reformed bad boy to settle with. It usually happens by a sheer stroke of luck, i.e you are available when they decide on a 360 degree life change, and bingo! Magic happens.

Just the other day, someone I follow on Instagram asked for people’s opinion of ‘a good bad guy’. I figured the subject was about reformed bad boys or bad boys that can be good to one woman (which rarely happens). From the responses, it seems like women are generally more alike than different. We like the directness and excitement of dating bad boys, however, we detest the baggage they come with. Perhaps, there are women out there who found their happily ever after with bad boys… I can’t say. I do know though, that there aren’t a lot of such women. At some point, emotional roller coasters and unending tears become torturous and a bad nightmare you want to awaken from. This has led to a breed of women with new ideologies, yet one thing remains unchanged – the attraction to bad boys.

In recent times, we have seen the exponential growth of the “men are scum” movement. I dare say that even though new evidence to back the theory keeps arising, these guys are really not our problem. Truth be told, our habit of repeating history with a different end in mind is what keeps getting us in trouble.

So BellaNaijarians, do you have any bad boy stories? Ever dated or married a bad boy, or perhaps found love with its other archetype, ‘a reformed bad boy’? Share your stories with us!

Photo Credit: Dreamstime

15 Comments

  1. Cocolette

    August 12, 2017 at 4:33 am

    I also think the idea of being the one to change the bad boy is very romantic to a lot of women. We want to be ‘reformer’ and ‘saviour’, ‘the one who was so good, she changed a bad boy. Unfortunately, most of the time, bad boys cannot be changed by anyone but themselves when they feel they have done enough

  2. Mz_Danielz

    August 12, 2017 at 5:46 am

    Women do not love bad boys, girls do.

    The real reason girls are attracted to bad boys is the thought that they could be the one to make him settle down. The different girl with that thing that makes a guy fall and it makes them feel special and different but a woman is grounded and sure of who she is so she doesn’t even try to prove a point to herself or anyone.

    Sometimes too, these bad boys are nice at the beginning till they start acting up and then the girls don’t believe this change early enough thus opening themselves up to pain.

    Insecurity and an incomplete self awareness also follows; I always wondered how girls could fall for guys who were sooo reckless. A guy once told me that if you speak to a girl you like rudely, you gain power over her immediately especially if you offer a compliment later. So these guys keep you looking to them for approval.

    I don’t agree that what one needs is a reformed bad boy (some of this boys have done bad stuff with consequences like date and gang raping, etc) what one needs is a correct guy. The type that’s liked and respected, serious about his life, parties and is cool but treats people with respect. The type with one girlfriend at a time, the confident boy. We had them in school and they still exist today.

    Ladies, love yourself fiercely that your energy attracts only those willing to cross the oceans for you.

    • Busola Adedire

      Busola Adedire

      August 12, 2017 at 10:24 am

      I like the sound of correct guy ?. There aren’t many of them though ?

  3. bodunade

    August 12, 2017 at 7:51 am

    Some men will read this and start being douchebags to be hot. As for me and my homies, all we care about are ourselves and getting money.

    Bad boys this, bad boys that. It mattered when we were in SS2 and sagging our pants.

    • Tosin

      August 12, 2017 at 8:23 am

      ellloooo Bae!

  4. m

    August 12, 2017 at 8:02 am

    I guess am a bad boy then. Cos I dnt care.well shit happens

  5. Tosin

    August 12, 2017 at 8:24 am

    When women discover how to be bad, na that time all of una boys go know how far 😀

  6. I

    August 12, 2017 at 9:10 am

    Well don’t generalise. I’m a woman and badboyism is a turn off for me. In fact, be sharing the word and inspirational quotes any day, every day, and I’m game. Who bad boy help? For someone who hates the quote “marriage is hard work”, I’m not ready for all that drama. Easy life mehn. I so hate self-induced problems.

    • Hey

      August 12, 2017 at 10:56 am

      ??????

  7. combust

    August 12, 2017 at 9:13 am

    I speak for myself when I say bad boy is a put off for me. Never dated one, never will. My sanity is much too important. I’m no saint but. I’m no bad girl so I dont need a bad boy. However I want a grounded guy who is street smart and principled and that’s what I got. Women are complex #given but my complexity no joke reach that side!!!!

    • Hey

      August 12, 2017 at 10:57 am

      ??????

  8. the queen

    August 12, 2017 at 11:30 am

    how do I break up with this bad boy boyfriend and move on ?

    • Poesy

      August 12, 2017 at 2:22 pm

      Love yourself and refuse to settle for disrespect. Also check out Natalie Lue’s blog ‘Baggage Reclaim’ – very helpful advice. Also, seek out older women who are married to bonafide good men and befriend them. They will share their experiences with you and the way they carry themselves will rub off on you. Hope this helps.

  9. Rubby

    August 12, 2017 at 11:37 am

    I wish I could love that statement a thousand times…. ” choose your poison wisely ” …very wise words.

  10. Anon

    August 12, 2017 at 1:09 pm

    I believe women love bad boys is a stupid phrase that deflects blame from men (as usual.) Women don’t love bad boys. They fall in love with a guy who portrays himself one way, then when she’s in too deep, he starts showing true colours and manipulating her so she thinks she’s crazy, can’t find someone else, or she’s simply too in love to go anywhere . There are of course the girls that know a man has been bad to his past partners but choose to try their luck because they think they’re different or special

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