Connect with us


Lilian Ogbuefi: 5 Steps to Recognizing Your Self Worth

Lilian Ogbuefi



Self worth- ” The sense of one’s own value or worth as a person; self-esteem; self-respect.

Arguably, everyone has, at some point in their life, been through a moment where they acted, felt, or were treated LESS THAN they deserve. It’s worse off for us girls, given that, as emotional beings, we tend to follow through things with our hearts rather than our heads. We hold on to situations that should long be dead. Everyone deserves the best; a cliché, cheesy but true. Everyone should know that they deserve the best. Unfortunately, it’s not as easy for everyone to recognize this as fact. Sometimes even when we do, our fear forces us to persevere in the ugliest of situations because, “What if we don’t find something better?”, “What if this is our best?”

Possessing little self-regard can lead people to become depressed, to fall short of their potential, or to tolerate abusive situations and relationships.“- Psychology Today

Truth be told, recognizing one’s self-worth may not be the easiest thing to do. Some people can easily wake up and say “F**k this sh*t. I’m bigger and better than this, I’m stepping far away from this situation”. Others can’t; they do not possess as much emotional strength. So, even when they know what to do, they tend to make up excuses for why they should keep on keeping on. “One more, trial things would get better”. There is no hard and fast rule to this, just the truth: only when you believe that you deserve the best, do you begin to demand it. Otnly when you recognise and value yourself, do people begin to value you.

Get tired of the situation
If you’re in a position where you’re being treated less than you should, the first step to recognizing your self-worth and moving on from that situation is to get tired of it. It’s a psychological thing. If you’ve been tolerating something for a long while, and giving up countless opportunities for things to get better, it obvious you’re the more forgiving type, so, things would definitely continue in that direction. Something has to move you to say, “Okay, that’s it”. This is not a proposal for over-reaction. How long has the issue been going on? Does the same thing keep happening over and over and over again? Communicate the issue, and then, be practical, “This is how many more times I’m willing to deal with this sh*t and let it slide” If it ever gets past that number, you know fully well what you have to do. It’s time to be fed up, it’s time to move on.

Eliminate Anger
Before or after people step out of an unhappy situation, anger is, more often than not, the easiest emotional response. You begin to hear statements like “I can’t believe I had to deal with all that”, “I’m so pissed, look at what so so so put me through”, “I can’t believe I took all that bullsh*t, I’m so stupid”. You’re not stupid baby girl, you’re just human and oh we make a lot of mistakes, but the ability to recognize them is only what makes us stronger. The thing about getting angry at situations like this is what happens when your anger subsides. You become mellow and go back to making excuses, maybe even blame yourself and before you know it, you’re back at square one. It’s easy and okay to get upset at situations like these, but that should not be the reason or moment you make any decision. Work through your anger, allow it to naturally subside, breathe. Then, deal with the situation rationally.

Make a want-fair-pro-con list
Getting tired may be the first, most effective step for moving on, but how do we stay moved on? In the journey to recognizing our self-worth, we need to remind ourselves why we left the situation that we did, and why we should not make that mistake in the nearest future. A want-fair-pro-con list is one of the easiest way to achieve this.
Draw up a list including what you want and what is fair aka compromise, then another of the pro’s in your previous or current situation and the cons. If the good does not outweigh the bad, baby girl, don’t even think of going back. It’s okay to reevaluate situations time. Remember, things, as do people, change. Each time you do, the bad should never outweigh the good, or you’ll just be setting yourself up for the worst, not the best.

Find alternate things that make you happy
One of the reasons why people stay stuck in situations they deserve better than, is because they think they cannot find happiness elsewhere. But, if the one thing that is supposed to bring you happiness becomes your constant source of worry, honey, you have to find another source of happiness. Quite frankly, happiness should not come from one source…just in case that well happens to run dry.

I’ve been in situations where I was constantly worried about a particular thing and I believed that I could not be happy without that situation working out, and then my friends randomly, decided to take me someplace else. I ended up having so much fun that I forgot that I was worrying about something else earlier. For me, my alternate happy places have become, filmmaking, blogging and hanging out with family and friends. It prevents me from being overly dependent on certain situations. Find yours.

Be in control
The final and most crucial step is to be in control of anything and everything YOU. Have a this-is-what-I-want-this-is-what-I-will-get attitude. Choose to be happy and be in control of that happiness. No one has the power to control your temperament if you don’t let them.

Don’t think about it too much too much too much too much” – Drake

Drake could not have been more right. The only thing worry some thoughts do is weigh you down and we’ve already been through this, you deserve better than that duh, so, don’t put too much though into anything that is not worth your time. Tell yourself why you’re amazing, tell yourself what you deserve and don’t accept any less. You deserve the best baby girl, don’t let anyone tell you different.

Photo Credit:  Dennis Owusu-ansah | Dreamstime

I am a creative writer and filmmaker. I've worked with sites like,,, as well as with Nollywood producers as a Screenwriter and Director's Assistant, but I currently manage the product content creation team for an e-commerce site in New York. I like to identify as a storyteller. I believe that storytelling is a powerful tool that can influence the actions and decisions of people and so, If we told positive stories, we could make a better world. My short film, FRAMED, is an exemplification of this line of thought. my personal progress or reach out for collaborations on any of the following sites:Website: Email: [email protected] Fact: On June 25th 2012, I was the One Day Governor of Lagos State.


  1. Jane

    August 30, 2017 at 8:47 am

    All this tips make sense, I even tried a few myself, I used to be a very angry person, so I usually go online and google about preventive and control measures. Guess what?, even when it works, its results are temporal. That was before I discovered the one true way to get rid of low self esteem, anger,stubbornness,envy, lack of self control- GOD. Discover God. A personal encounter that changed my life forever. That’s the solution to any issues of self worth. Your worth is in God. An encounter with the Almighty God gives a man unlimited confidence and because he is eternal, your worth and happiness is forever too.
    When you encounter God, the Holy Spirit comes and cleanse you of all the lies you’ve been believing from the devil about yourself.

  2. holy molly

    August 30, 2017 at 9:09 am

    beautiful piece!


    August 30, 2017 at 11:08 am

    Lovely tips!Keep it coming!

  4. Kosi

    September 15, 2017 at 3:33 pm

    Great! I have only been a writer in my head, you, Lilian, and the first commenter, jane, have said it all…God is worth!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Star Features

Recent Posts

Get The Pan-Atlantic Advantage