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Aunty Bella: Miss Jealous of my Friend’s Growth

BellaNaija.com

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Aunty Bella is our  agony aunt column on BellaNaija. We launched this column in the early days of BN and periodically feature issues sent in by BN readers.

We hope the BN family can offer insightful advice.

***

Dear BNers, I need your help. I’m slowly becoming a hater and I don’t know what to do about it.
I have a friend (we’ve been friends for 5 years). At the beginning of our friendship, you would say she was a bimbo; I’m talking real life bimbo, eye lashes fluttering, long nails, etc and she slept around a bit too. I started talking to her because I was fascinated by her, I was coming in contact with a real life bimbo. I, on the other hand, you could describe as a Jennifer Aniston at that time: playful, sarcastic, down to earth. We both attracted masculine attention for different reasons: hers for just sex, mine for friendship/long term relationships.

Over time, we evolved; I into some kind of Olivia Pope and she into Kim Kardashian and the friendship was still good; she attracted her guys (the Kanye types), I attracted the men who were leaders. We were different and distinct.

The challenge now is that this girl started an affair and the man began to school her on the difference between trashy and classy and she became a fast learner. I was happy for her, because I thought, finally…. but alas, it was not to be.

I evolved too into some kind of Marilyn Munroe and she too is evolving into that and for once I can’t stand her. She now has goals, dreams, etc and she is no longer a bimbo. When people compliment her confidence and grace, I want to scream ‘she is a bimbo, a walking, real life bimbo’ but I don’t.

She, on the other hand, loves me to death, she celebrates all my achievements. There was a day someone commented on how we could pass for twins, because even though we don’t look alike, we had the same aura. I wanted to respond by saying ‘oh please, this bimbo and I?’ but she spoke 1st saying ‘We have come a long way, I have learnt so much from her and I love her. We complement each other positively’. BNers, I felt ashamed.

I have no reason to be jealous of her at all, I am extremely more successful than she is; I have an accelerated career, business on the side and I’m engaged to an alpha male yet she is happy for me. She has never been ambitious ( I mean, she was a runs girl) but she is always happy for me.

I didn’t tell her when I started my business but when she found out, she promoted it everywhere. I’m in a loving relationship, yet I’m happy when a date doesn’t go well for her. Her growth annoys me and I wish she had stayed the bimbo that she was.

I’ve blocked her on Instagram, cut her off my life, yet I hate her and secretly wish something bad happens to her. Please advise me on what to do, I’m a hater and I don’t want to be this person.

Photo Credit: Сергей Толмачев | Dreamstime

65 Comments

  1. Babe

    September 1, 2017 at 1:04 pm

    You need SERIOUS help. I mean SERIOUS professional help. Your lack of confidence is staggering. Get some help and tell your friend how you feel, so that she can stay very far away from you.

    • Iyke

      September 1, 2017 at 4:08 pm

      Yes she needs help…a professional help!
      She is functionally a good person no doubt…..successful and charming yet a SOCIOPATH with a blacker and colder heart…very ruthless and calculating.
      #seekprofessionalhelp

    • Californiabawlar

      September 1, 2017 at 4:44 pm

      @Iyke, what from her commentary makes her a good person? She wasn’t even the one that helped the girl change!
      Biko stop trying to sandwich the truth. She borderline sociopathic/pschotic – if not full on… and she and her shrink have a lot of unpacking to do… something went wrong in her childhood.

    • Iyke

      September 1, 2017 at 5:48 pm

      @CBawler
      Keyword ‘Functionally’ good!
      It wasn’t really about what she did or did not do to help her friend.
      Writer/patient presented an image/case of an accomplished being…Oliver Pope kinda being?independent,girl next door sort of,with great career….all functional good ? but of course a SOCIOPATH.
      Like you said,we need to revisit her childood to find out the underlying/root cause of her psychosis.We have a problem on our hand with this case.

    • Onyinyechukwu

      September 2, 2017 at 1:22 am

      Wow..this writer bukwa mbada hater o..Azzin,..Nke ójó ya o..okotorigba!!!
      Lekwa gi..lekwa serial killing o..
      ?
      You need help..this ain’t funny,it’s creepy AF.

  2. Miz

    September 1, 2017 at 1:15 pm

    Mehn! This is deep. It’s evident you only liked her around because she made you feel better about yourself in some twisted way. You have to pray for your mind because this is toxic and unhealthy and may make things go south for you eventually. Also try to practice being happy for other people and silence the negative voices in your head. Best of luck.

  3. Tutu

    September 1, 2017 at 1:21 pm

    OMG! Your heart is so black! I know your type and I run far away from you. I’m surprised this babe hasn’t seen through your black heartedness.

  4. Happy Soul

    September 1, 2017 at 1:28 pm

    My sister in law called me recently with the exact complaint you are making about how much she is jealous of me and finds herself wishing me evil. She was calling to apologize and to ask for forgiveness, saying that God has touched her heart. I have forgiven her but I will stay far from her. I think she got it from her mum, my mother in law. She doesn’t appreciate anyone or their efforts and she thinks that somehow, the world’s owes her and that her misfortunes are everyone’s fault but hers. Its sad because eventually, she will be a very lonely old woman who spread hate everywhere when she could spread love. My husband on the other hand is totally different. Sometimes I wonder how such a vile woman gave birth to someone with his type of character. Aunty, seek help or you will die in bitterness and even your boo will eventually find out the kind of bitter person you are. I just hope your friend is not naive enough to fall back into your arms because someone with your type of heart can kill. May God help you.

  5. Babym

    September 1, 2017 at 1:32 pm

    Yah so the dynamics of your friendship was all wrong to begin with. You always saw urself as better than her and the friendship was fine so long as she was beneath you. You probably were fine with this arrangement because of your deep insecurities and low self esteem. Now the dynamics of the friendship have changed she is no longer ur looser that you are better than hence ur predicament. Yah soo you have to try to figure out what caused you to be so insecure? Why are you threatened by your friends succes? Are you scared of becoming the looser? Do u feel if u don’t have a looser by ur side u won’t feel good about urself? These are some questions to ponder on as a first step. I think it is good to stay away from ur friend till u work on ur own self esteem. And kudos to you for owning ur shit. Most ppl like u are still in denial.

  6. Risi

    September 1, 2017 at 1:34 pm

    Hahaha you don’t mean this your Olivia Pope/Jennifer Aniston/Marilyn Monroe comparison. Rubbish. “Walking real life Bimbo”? The very definition of a bimbo already implies walking and real life so it seems someone doesn’t really know what a bimbo is.

    • Californiabawlar

      September 1, 2017 at 5:06 pm

      As in! I found the comparisons quite delusional. I’m glad I’m not the only one that picked up on that ?

  7. busola

    September 1, 2017 at 1:38 pm

    I am not usually judgemental but I will judge you!! The word ‘bimbo’ reeks of condescension, miss know it all. I don’t like you.

  8. You need JESUS

    September 1, 2017 at 1:40 pm

    The first step to solving a problem is identifying there is one. Well done!!…Now carry all that hatred/jealousy/envy/bitterness e.t.c to the LORD in prayers. Tell him exactly how you feel and ask for HIS help, Once you’ve done that, then start making a conscious effort to check yourself and oh sorry, just in case you haven’t given your life to CHRIST then that’s actually the first place to start. Ask JESUS to come into your life and your life will start overflowing with genuine love.

    • June

      September 2, 2017 at 9:34 am

      Thank you for the helpful comment. The majority is ready to skin her alive. Jesus is truly the answer.

  9. Tosin

    September 1, 2017 at 1:43 pm

    hahaha.
    i’ll be back to read, please make the comments fun.

  10. Canary

    September 1, 2017 at 1:46 pm

    Wow, just wow. I hope your friend realises how black your heart is towards her and RUNS far away from you; and as for you, you need HELP.

  11. Jo!

    September 1, 2017 at 1:47 pm

    I think you should speak with a therapist. Not your Pastor in church o, an actual licensed therapist

    • eagleeye

      September 1, 2017 at 4:37 pm

      Yesss!!! I 200% agree @Jo. Not a pastor, but a therapist. As in a licensed one. NOT Joro, a licensed legit one behind closed doors.

  12. Happy Soul

    September 1, 2017 at 1:52 pm

    Bella kindly post my comment.

  13. Happy Soul

    September 1, 2017 at 2:11 pm

    I wonder why you do not want to post my comment. Is it too sensitive? I just shared my experience because it is very similar to what this poster is going through and I am an avid BN reader. Do let me know why you’ll approve other comments but mine. Unless of course there are a special group of people whose comments you approve ?

    • Red

      September 1, 2017 at 3:15 pm

      Abeg relax and be patient. You people will just be taking anyhow and jumping to all sorts of conclusions if you do not see your comment within 5 minutes. It really is not that deep.

  14. Xala

    September 1, 2017 at 2:18 pm

    I agree with Jo, speak to a therapist. The issue is not really your friend. It is possible that your sense of self-worth came from being better than most, of being the exception and being admired. This friend appears to be stealing your shine, making you feel less than special. So, you might wish her bad, just to revalidate your self-worth. I will say the fact that you recognize that these emotions are wrong to mean you are not a bad person. You are just another person dealing with owning her uniqueness without comparison to another person. First, forgive yourself. Unblock her and actively shower her with love. You can learn kindness, and when you show her love despite how you feel, you will be surprised how much healing will come to you. Stay strong!

  15. Palesa

    September 1, 2017 at 2:20 pm

    You really are a terrible person, those friends we are warned to stay clear off. My God!? What sort of a person are you? Evil personified, that’s what you are. You are the type that would actually go after your friend’s man just to spite and hurt her. I feel for your friend, may God Almighty open her eyes to see the venomous snake that you truly are. Proper hater oshi!! God will elevate her very well so you can swell up and die with envy.

  16. Delta geh

    September 1, 2017 at 2:23 pm

    Don’t be a tool of the devil. Learn to be satisfied with your life. Stay in your lane. 1 Corinthians 10:12 read it. It says if you compare yourself with another you’re not wise. We are to lift our fellow humans up not seek their hurt or pull them down.
    Right now your friend is a much better person than you are character-wise. You need Jesus. She doesn’t see you or your black heart but God sees you. You need to repent of your sins you can’t call yourself a child of God if you hate your sister. I’m assuming you’re Christian but even if… you need to change your mindset.

  17. LL

    September 1, 2017 at 2:24 pm

    A lot of people actually suffer from this attitude and it’s good the writer has identified it and is seeking help. Truth is, a lot of people attribute their success to themselves (inwardly) and can’t stand it when the people they have deemed ‘unworthy ‘ get such success easily. Dear writer, we don’t have to tell you you’re wrong. You know it. It’s sad that you have someone who loves you this clearly and you can’t enjoy it. You need to consciously re-adjust your mind. Learn, truly condition your mind to love-love that doesn’t see bimbos or brains ( the best way you could describe your man was as an alpha male which means that you’re someone who tends to love by logic and applying sense). If you’re a believer, pray and be sincere with yourself in the ways you need to change. I wish you luck and suggest you work on yourself before even getting married.

    • LL

      September 1, 2017 at 2:26 pm

      Oh, I forgot! Please stay away from your friend. I had one like you and she destroyed things in my life. So stay away before you harm her.

  18. NG

    September 1, 2017 at 2:28 pm

    Pray to God for help my dear. Nothing is impossible. Try to apologise to your friend so you can find peace.

  19. mylady

    September 1, 2017 at 2:41 pm

    this is very deep. i commend you for seeking help about it. i think you should say a prayer everytime you feel like the feeling is overcoming you. atleast you are seeking advice some demonic friends have gone on to destroy their friends. please cut ties from her since you are of no addition to her life

  20. Ephi

    September 1, 2017 at 3:37 pm

    I think it’s a first step that you recognize this issue and are willing to change. I’m not sure this is a problem that can be tackled by simply determining to stop thinking that way, the root (which is your heart) needs to change and I believe this is where prayer comes in as others have said. God can cleanse your heart, give you joy and satisfaction with yourself such that you are not threatened by another’s life or what they do.

    I also strongly believe this is one of the reasons Africa as a continent hasn’t moved forward, there are too many people that simply do not want others to progress. I see it far more here than I do in the West. Even some of those forming saint here are guilty of this. When you see so many blog comments rejoicing when a marriage crashes and even anticipating it, it says a lot.

    For me, in my own personal life, I have always been very perceptive and able to identify people like these and simply keep them at arm’s length.

    All the best Poster, I pray you find peace.

    • Nahum

      September 2, 2017 at 3:36 am

      THANK YOU O!!! A good percentage of the people forming “I am angry” in the comment section are just like this lady, I even commend the girl for speaking out sef. Let me not lie, this is why I run from our Naija women. Abeg too many of una are like this, when I finally meet one who is not like this lady, I hold on tight to her.

    • Tosin

      September 2, 2017 at 8:12 am

      “I also strongly believe this is one of the reasons Africa as a continent hasn’t moved forward, there are too many people that simply do not want others to progress”

      this.
      we progress TOGETHER.
      our people have still not learned or been made to learn.

    • Wendy

      September 2, 2017 at 9:12 am

      Oh shut it Nahum! We all aren’t witches like you! This is an anonymous blog and yet your terrible personality bleeds through your comments. Please go find the OP and officially induct her into the coven of witches you and ‘most of the people you know’ roll in.
      Even the scriptures justifies righteous anger… if you’re comfortable with this bs up here, and chug it of as “we all do it..” “don’t judge…” and all other blah blah blahs Nigerians use to evade responsibility, then you are worse than this person – at least she’s seeking some type of depraved relief. You are just plain evil. Finito.

  21. Ruhamah

    September 1, 2017 at 4:15 pm

    After reading this, My initial response was to begin to state how wicked and vile your heart is but i think you know that already. The first step is sincerely acknowledging that there is a problem which you have done. Secondly, the best solution/help for you is JESUS Christ. Take it to him in prayers and watch as he changes you. Thirdly, believe me you that friend loves you so much because i know she has noticed these character of yours, she sees through you but is hoping you change because she loves you unconditionally

  22. Californiabawlar

    September 1, 2017 at 4:19 pm

    ? Yo! Girl, were you raised by a pack of wolves? I’m sure even wild animals share their spoils… You’re a terrible narcissistic person and you need Jesus! ASAP
    I hope some more spiritual BNer will come flesh this out and put it more eloquently. But this is all I have to offer. It’s one thing (and human for the most part) to have these thoughts cross your mind, it’s totally different to dwell on it. Girl check yourself before you wreck yourself.

    Thanks for letting us know how desperately wicked hearts still are out there though…. ish!!! ??

    p.s. I kept reading this post and hoped for a glimmer of light somewhere but nope… stayed dark af. Her language to her ‘friend’ till the end was consistently condescending and hurtful. I don’t know why she’s writing us o. It’s obvious she’s not ‘repentant’. Next thing people will be writing Aunty Bella that they killed someone. Taloni neice oshi? Before BNers will come and be accessories to murder.

  23. Ozone

    September 1, 2017 at 4:24 pm

    This is deep and a sincere expression of what we all go through each day whether we admit it or not. There is so much competition in every sphere of our lives.
    When we see people living better lives than us, we say that their source of income is not pure.
    When our colleagues get a promotion ahead of us, we say that it is not based on competence but probably sleeping with the boss or a ‘Yes-Man’.
    When our friends get married before us, we say that she is a ‘hoe’ and the marriage will crash in less than a year.
    This is the human nature and we all need love from above to kill this jealousy. Some of us can claim not to be this bitter because no one knows our heart since we can feign love. The devil is the reason we wish evil that we cannot explain on other people.
    Every time this feeling creeps-in, it is best to say a word of prayer and confess the love of God on those involved.
    I salute your courage. Please seek help and that can only start by embracing the love of Jesus. You also need to say positive things about people. They sky is big enough for all birds to fly without ‘hitting’ one another.
    I will appreciate a bigger forum to discuss this feeling that even exists among siblings, friends and even between couples.

    • Mawi

      September 1, 2017 at 4:36 pm

      @Ozone, are u resident in everyone’s hearts? How do u know we all go through this each day? You can only speak for yourself o. Believe it or not, some people can actually be happy for others, while hoping for theirs too. If u find yourself like this poster here, u need help. But please, don’t say everyone is like this. It’s a pure lie and some kind of defense mechanism. There is admiration, then there’s jealousy/hatred as described here. Not everyone is the latter.

    • Delta geh

      September 1, 2017 at 5:12 pm

      Please speak for yourself oo. I’m happy when other people are happy.

    • Delta geh

      September 1, 2017 at 5:15 pm

      Worst case scenario is if someone moves ahead of me which has happened, I may feel a bit bad for myself but I don’t even dwell on that cos I’ve learned to stop comparing my journey with others but as for the person’s success I’m always happy and always rejoice with them. Sometimes I’ll just even say a prayer for them when I’m praying that the good in their lives should last and continue.

  24. Me

    September 1, 2017 at 4:27 pm

    The funny thing is a lot of people are like this lady . Whether or not they admit it .

    While it’s okay to be a little bit jealous, envy is a different ball game and wishing evil on someone who loves you is another level of sick and I mean mental illness .

    Even people who hurt you ,you are not to wish evil upon yet people wish people they pretend to be close to evil.

    I am dealing with a wolf in sheep clothing of a friend who got lucky earlier than myself,only for her to get envious when mine came. I recall once when things were tight telling her I was hungry and didn’t have a dime to eat after her action cost me our means of livelihood, she replied “I am so looking for 70k to buy my hair ” …i don’t feel anyone owe me so I let it slide, her money her decision, if she helped me fine if she didn’t , fine .

    Fast forward two years later ,she came to work with me and someone overheard her telling an outsider who came to quarrel with my company over some payment disagreement “well done, you did the right thing ” “if you didn’t do that ,she will not pay”. She didn’t discuss the incident till tomorrow with me and resigned few days later .

    The person who needs advice is your friend ,she is the one who believes you have her back ,she is the delusional one . Like this so called friend of mine ,kindly leave her life because God doesn’t approve of a bad heart .

    I would have thought you were sorry but putting to writing your thoughts even calling her bimbo ,your tone and all is proof that somewhere in your heart you still think she doesn’t deserve her life .

    May God’s peace fine you though

  25. eagleeye

    September 1, 2017 at 4:35 pm

    Sister gurl…you are in competition with the wrong one and need internal healing. Focus on yourself and try mending your heart. Like you said, she was a bimbo and honestly, she probably was thick, so why do you hate her?

  26. John

    September 1, 2017 at 4:48 pm

    @ephi I would love to buy u a drink ..best comment here
    .isnt it funny that the people condemning her are also the people that rejoice or anticipate when a marriage crashes ..hypocrites…everyday u goto church ..u hear prayers like God punish my enemies bla bla ..have u ever sit down and ask yourself whether ure that very enemy….Do as I Say (Not as I Do) mentality..I can bet my half of my wealth that this writer has more chances at redemption than many of the hypocrites here.

  27. curious

    September 1, 2017 at 4:53 pm

    I think this problem is more common with many of us but maybe not as extreme as this. I have been thinking about this stuff lately. You go to our church and you hear things like receive grace to excel beyond “your equals”….Emm isn’t possible for all us to shine. Must success be defined relative to the people around us? Our parents and people and spouses sometimes use words like can’t you see ” your mates”. They have passed you! In Africa we grow up seeing success as something relative to what others have. So it doesn’t matter how much you have or how well you have done for yourself…as long as you are not as big or bigger than the people around you…then in the African context you are not successful. This is the same reason our leaders steal monies they can’t even spend.

    My dear it’s a very good thing you’ve recognised and acknowledged this deficiency in you. And you are seeking help. With prayers and deliberate effort you can overcome. I myself try to avoid social media sometimes…to avoid getting distracted with other peoples “happy life”. And when I do visit these platforms, I deliberately choose to be happy for them…like their pics and make comments sometimes congratulating them. Life is not a competition. You might also need to change you cycle and avoid being idle. Being idle doesn’t mean you are jobless but that you are in a situation were your mind has too much freedom to wander. I hope this helps. Stay strong!!!!

  28. busola

    September 1, 2017 at 5:28 pm

    I don’t understand the statements saying ‘this is how everyone is’ . You guys should speak for yourselves. Do you guys realise that evil thoughts like the poster’s is similar to witchcraft? I have had quite a number of tragic things happen to me in life, never for once have I wished people who crossed me evil…. not to talk of someone who had done nothing wrong. The poster has a distinct case of superiority complex ( which is a form of low self esteem). From time to time, I like to bask in my uniqueness which is not a bad thing… It becomes bad when you begin to think you are better than others because of it. Poster, change your mindset before life humbles you.

  29. LemmeRant

    September 1, 2017 at 5:45 pm

    As for me I’m more concerned for this “alpha male” you say you’re engaged to.

    • Mee

      September 2, 2017 at 3:54 am

      As in…

    • Mawi

      September 2, 2017 at 9:20 am

      Seriously! I wondered about that too. I think she is very delusional, with her illusions of grandeur. No real alpha male would put up with this personality. Notice her comparison to Olivia Pope, Jennifer Aniston, Marilyn Monroe? This one has serious issues o

    • Wendy

      September 2, 2017 at 9:09 pm

      Most so-called ‘alpha males’ are d-bags…. I say they deserve each other. How else do you attract this type of person?

    • "changing moniker"

      September 12, 2017 at 7:45 am

      Hahaha

  30. *****

    September 1, 2017 at 5:58 pm

    Hey Girl,

    I sincerely applaud you for identifying this attitude, telling yourself the truth and taking the pains to seek help, not everyone is bold enough to so well done.
    I am not here to tell you what the above write up makes you look like because its already stale but i am excited for what and who you can be after this.

    TWO THINGS STAND OUT TO ME
    1. You don’t even love yourself
    2. You think she is not deserving
    (and the second point is not restricted to her)

    Achievements can hide the need for love and confidence but only for so long. The need will always crop up and depending on the situation, it might not be pleasant at all. I can give definitions of love from the dictionary of love but they don’t do enough Justice. I know the love that can and that is Gods love for you. It’s better experienced than told. From this write up, what i felt ( i could be wrong) was the seemingly emptiness and worthlessness hidden beneath the “I am extremely more successful than she is; I have an accelerated career, business on the side and I’m engaged to an alpha male” and it makes me so sad but there’s hope for you.

    Romans 6:8 {AMP} While we were still helpless [powerless to provide for our salvation], at the right time Christ died [as a substitute] for the ungodly. 7 Now it is an extraordinary thing for one to willingly give his life even for an upright man, though perhaps for a good man [one who is noble and selfless and worthy] someone might even dare to die. 8 But God clearly shows and proves His own love for us, by the fact that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

    You may say, I already know Jesus and I have accepted him but I am still the same. Honey, you are still dealing with Jesus with your head, its time to know him with your spirit and make a decision to do exactly as his word says.

    For now, it seems its just this your friend that is the focus but my dear, the circle will soon expand, its just a matter of time.. A bitter heart flows, almost unstoppable in its rage but there is also a love that’s an unstoppable FORCE. People might call this a case of low self esteem. jealousy, hatred etc but whats the cure for all these? LOVE, the love from the one who is LOVE PERSONIFIED.

    Its time to meet him and if you already have, then its time to really meet him.

    Point 2.
    You don’t think she is deserving of the life she now lives because of how she lived before. Now, you probably lived a moral life to the best of your ability and you think because of your focus earlier in life, you definitely are deserving of the blessings coming your way but not her.

    Its not in your authority to decide whether she is deserving or not. She has turned her life around but you keep mentioning the past. it may make you feel better temporarily but after that, then what? you are still stuck there, she has moved on and if she asked for Gods forgiveness, God doesn’t even know what you are talking about

    Heard the story of Kathryn Kulhman? An evangelist of God, made several wrong decisions, committed adultery but she came back to God but understandably, she still felt guilt at times and so this happened.

    “At that of repentance and turning around, Kathryn was understandably grief-stricken and guilt- ridden. The Lord, at one point, asked her, “Kathryn, have I forgiven you?” She answered, “Yes,” Then God said, ” I have forgotten it, and in My book it never happened.”
    ( extract from The Anointing by Benny Hinn, Page 64)

    God is not as concerned about our sins as we make it. He is more interested in the why and to show you that he dealt with sin a long time ago and that you can too.
    She has turned her life around which you testified to so how about you do something about yours? You already are, Bravo.

    So Let it go.
    1 Corinthians 10:12{MSG}
    Don’t be so naive and self-confident. You’re not exempt. You could fall flat on your face as easily as anyone else. Forget about self-confidence; it’s useless. Cultivate God-confidence.

    Sorry for that long digression.

    I had a very beautiful friend and then, i didn’t think i was even fine at all so the jealousy kept growing but I came to understand Gods love for me and it changed my whole life. You see, i am back to his love because that’s the only thing I know and i am sure of.

    I took some steps towards my friend and you can do that too.
    -Call her and apologize for the break in transmission and tell her you value her friendship and that you’ll do better
    -Swallow that big lump behind your throat and give her sincere compliments on her looks, her achievements, applaud her for how far she has come. Yes, let it pain you, as you do it often, it will become something of ease.
    – Make a decision to pray for her. You don’t think evil of those you spend your precious time speaking words of success for. its what i do if someone has hurt me and i think i am about to hold on to it.

    I have become the best version of me today than ever before and I am not done with transforming my life through Gods spirit.

    Honestly, I already closed the tab but was instructed to come back and I am glad i did

    I LOVE YOU exceedingly and God does too.

    I’ll be sooo glad if you contact me:
    [email protected]
    Thank you.

  31. Mz_Danielz

    September 1, 2017 at 6:38 pm

    If I have a challenge I won’t bring it to BN rara. Someone said she has a problem, admitted she was a hater, has tried to limit her association with the said friend and we have all crucified her.

    Poster, are you happy with where your life is
    Are you really confident in your own skin.
    Do you somehow wish you had the carefree, bimbo attitude of your friend?

    Be honest with yourself and speak with a therapist but above all pray to God to let you see your own uniqueness. When you see your own uniqueness, there can be no jealousy.

    May God help you to go through this.

  32. Mz_Danielz

    September 1, 2017 at 6:56 pm

    Let me also give some arm chair psychology. Your write up shows you’re a very creative person as in you can write scenarios in your mind; real or unreal. I mean, Jennifer Aniston, Marilyn Monroe, Bimbo, Kim, attracting Kanye’s/Alpha males, you might also be perceptive; ‘I attracted men for long term friendships/ relationships, she for the sex. Even admitting you were a hater and stating why.
    People like you have a tendency to also blow things out of proportion. I’m confident you won’t do anything evil to your friend; at least not directly because it doesn’t fit with the image of the person that you are but you might undermine her subtly.

    Use your mind to create positive images and affirm yourself.

    You are a very honest person and logical person at the same time someone with a creative mind and that’s probably why you are as successful as you claim to be.

    I’m impressed and sad at the same time. You’ll get through this, I’m sure. Your post sounded like you were diagnosing the problem to yourself and somehow you will find a solution.

    • Tosin

      September 2, 2017 at 7:15 am

      not to mention abstract – the way she’s separate from her girlfriend, watching her companion like it’s a story in a novel. it’s fascinating. the more common stereotype is for women to be warm and emotional. ps the way they both got friendly ma sef, the friend is possibly just as fake-friendly as she is hehehe.
      she’s competitive. that’s normal for many humans, animals, whatever.

      and the story of her girlfriend is giving her, em, cognitive dissonance. and if she really thinks about it, it’s not that serious, and whether her friend is being fake or truly gained new skills there are still new kingdoms to conquer. i think this is a nice takeaway actually – there are new kingdoms out there ALWAYS. so you don’t want to share marilyn monroe status with the former kim kardashian ok there’s still angelina or meryl, there’s still mother theresa or miley cyrus. don’t come and kill yourself lol.

      like some pointed out tho, you may choose to stop being pointlessly competitive. ( definitely be competitive when it’s useful – if it motivates you positively and doesn’t harm society etc, and quit if it gets old or if it drains you or gets ridiculous. ) how to quit – lots of options: find Jesus lol (though again, Nigerian Jesus has k-leg and is really about ‘winning’ just like you) , think on ‘abundance’ as in develop a culture of abundance which may make you more giving, generous, kind, and less threatened by people getting stuff because you know there is more stuff , oprah is into that stuff. or just google it.

      if you’re not already a writer or something expressive like that, or if you fear that you may act out your worse urges, like people said really get help from someone really good with psych. although you’re so smart that you’ll probably dominate your shrink unless you can afford a top one. if you know some very old people, they can be good too.
      live in peace with people ehn. no fight. use your powers for good in the world.
      #SamuraiCode

      actually just write some chic-lit novels, please. “The Buenos Aires Broken Hearts Club” , M&B – throwaway type of stuff. i mean there may be other outlets than writing sha, i don’t know, Holly/Nollywood? any more suggestions, anyone?

  33. Grace

    September 1, 2017 at 7:33 pm

    I asked my sister who is a psychologist and her feedback was that you should end the friendship because the basis of the friendship was your need to be better than someone else. That need is also something you need to work on

  34. Poster

    September 1, 2017 at 9:10 pm

    Thanks everyone for your comments. I actually wrote this as a comment under a post. I’ve moved on though. I realized I was never her friend. I just liked being superior to her. Her coming close called up my insecurities and i felt if she could come close to me, then I’m probably not as successful as I thought.

    I’ve actually moved on and I roll with my kind only. Friendships are in seasons and our season of friendship is over.

    I’m working on becoming a better person and I’m open to seeing a good psychologist. Please provide details of anyone, I’ll prefer a Christian. I have issues I need to sort out, I’ve never really liked myself; how people close to me have never noticed this is a miracle. The only person who has sniffed this my fiancé, he once told me I did not like and trust myself.

    Thanks to everyone that commented. I know I have challenge I’ll definitely overcome.

    • Meee

      September 1, 2017 at 11:21 pm

      It’s great that you have admitted you had a problem and even better that you will actively seek a solution for this. Many people, even some that condemn you will not even admit to having any issue but at least you have conquered the most important part of getting final closure. Unfortunately I do not know any psychiatrists but I hope someone who knows one will respond.

    • Hilx

      September 2, 2017 at 12:43 am

      Look for iamdrmaymunah on instagram. She can help

    • Ephi

      September 2, 2017 at 9:10 am

      *I roll with my kind only*…..
      Hmm, my dear, rolling with your kind only is not the solution because you know what? life is very dynamic and those that are ‘your kind’ today could excel and rise above you (based on whatever yardstick you use to measure such) tomorrow and then those thoughts in your heart will rise to the surface again.

      Moving on without addressing this issue is like covering a festering wound without first dressing it, it makes it worse. You need to fix this, it won’t be easy but it’s the only way you can truly have peace within you.

    • Tosin

      September 2, 2017 at 11:09 am

      may i recommend: https://www.coursera.org/learn/positive-psychology
      free, feel-goody, a nice start.

  35. oluwadunsin

    September 1, 2017 at 9:12 pm

    Dear poster, I hope you read this. I can’t say I know how you feel cos I’ve never felt this way but let me just contribute according to my little knowledge. I believe you are feeling this way because you have low self esteem and your self validation is dependent on others. Other people have to be lesser than you for you to feel good about yourself and that isn’t good enough. You see, when you realise that God has created you uniquely and created your friend uniquely, you’ll realise that you both have your functions on planet earth, and no matter how ‘bimboish’ your friend can be, she is also created by God uniquely and you are both equal in the sight of God whether you think you’re better than her or not. The devil has ways of planting evil seeds in our heart and I’m happy that you’ve realised the way you feel is wrong.
    Now, I think you should pray and pray hard, there’s nothing prayer cannot do, talk to God, pour out your heart and your soul, tell Him how you feel and tell Him you don’t want to be a bitter person. I won’t advise you to tell your friend cos she might take it the wrong way, but never let her go, she’s a good person. Finally, work on these aspects of your life; your spiritual life, your self esteem, your pride- learn to be humble, your fear- that others might get better than you and your thoughts- they should never rule you. Finally,i want you to know that even when people get more successful than you are or get richer, prettier,more popular etc than you, it isn’t the end of the world, it only makes your world better cos we all want to be associated with successful people, right? I wish you inner peace and love.

  36. Bridget

    September 2, 2017 at 7:11 am

    Dear poster, you not the worst of all persons, its a good thing that you admitted to how you

  37. Bridget

    September 2, 2017 at 8:00 am

    Dear poster, you are not the worse person on earth for admitting to how you feel about your dear friend even though its a hate kinda feeling shows you can actually change if handled properly, you are not a bad person but its also not a good thing to want people to always be under you or trying to put people down. This things happen everyday its easy for us as humans to always want to judge others at every opportunity we get. What we fail to understand is it takes a strong and a person who really seek change to admit or openly accept what they did or have been doing. Most people think and execute things that they can not share in their lifetime here on earth. Get it am not saying coming to BN to share your story on how you feel about your friend is enough, you have to prepare to let her know how you once felt about her. I used the word once because you should have genuinely have a change of heart towards her before you begin to discuss this with her. I dont know your relationship with the Lord, you can be very successful but if you don’t have a personal relationship with the Lord then you have missed it all, you become venerable to the enemy. You also have to battle against internal enemies like anger, envy, back biting, jealousy etc. Take it to the Lord he will give you a change of heart and make you whole again. Its also OK to sometimes feel this way about people especially those very close to us but what matters is how long you keep feeling that way and how you try to let it out. Its not nice to be carried away by such feelings to the extent of not wanting to see the person again. When you feel this way try to let it out almost immediately it helps. Tell her I felt this way about your new job etc but am OK now and I hope you understand and forgive me. This is how we should learn to live life in general for our own peace of mind. Dear I am not judging you because I have a bestie too an at some point I feel this way but I don’t let it dwell in me I call my friend and share how I feel about her immediately and then I feel this relief. Try to appreciate people’s effort. Love genuinely and try to help people. You will be fine.

  38. Tosin

    September 2, 2017 at 8:06 am

    one more thing abeg:
    from what I can see, you both had a very productive friendship. doesn’t mean it has to continue, because from your standpoint there is nothing productive that you both will do together going forward, and in fact it may be very negative in future, so it’s ok to quit.
    but i will like you to appreciate that you both came together purposefully, and both got something important from the relationship.
    i’m this weird chic who doesn’t understand female relationships, but i suspect that this aspect of your friendship, friendship as purpose-driven, friendship as instrumental, friendship of using each other for mutual benefit, is more common among young men. i can see how her overfriending is now looking like an issue to you, like abeg five years is enough, go and enjoy your new life and leave me alone, marilyn monroe.

    that was just focusing on the positives sha. she taught you something. she taught you a lot. you owe her, ok? then again, you showed her something good too. just don’t be evil, chei. 😀

    i’m concerned about you and your guy cos y’all probably set up a similarly unstable game. who will win? will it hurt? how long will it take? sorry if in this paragraph i’m insensitive, forgive me. and i may be very wrong. what’re you using him for? what’s he using you for? y’all cool with the arrangement? will you have a kind divorce? so many novels gosh.

  39. Nana

    September 2, 2017 at 3:21 pm

    I found it really irritating too that you called an obviously positive relationship she was in, an “affair”
    You have rooted yourself and sense of worth In the wrongest things and that is why you can’t stand her. Her genuineness and good heart have always been there so you were never really better than her. You were just under the illusion that you were
    Fix yourself

  40. Elle

    September 2, 2017 at 4:08 pm

    Hi Poster,

    Really good advice you’ve got. I guess it’s all been analysed for you and I’m glad you are looking towards being a better you.

    That being said, I’ve realised that jealousy in friendships is real and it could stem from superiority or inferiority complex. I guess I now understand why some of my past friends chose to cut off from me for no reasons I knew. I guess it works out at the end for both parties because when one can literally kill another out of spite, then distance is the best way out.

    Yes friendships could be seasonal but your so called kind you roll with could also be endangered by your psyche. I suggest you learn to forgive yourself for whatever it is you hate yourself for and open up to your fiance completely otherwise he would be the next bimbo whom you will compete unhealthy with. Wishing you peace and love and may the light of God shine in your heart.
    Cheers!

  41. Boss lady

    September 12, 2017 at 9:56 am

    Dear Writer,

    PLEASE, go to your inner chamber, get your full length mirror, stand before it and imagine you are you and your reflection is the bimbo. Tell your reflection every single thing in your mind, don’t hold back anything. In the process, look at the face of the you speaking, that should be the face of evil, if you are doing it right. And when you are done, write out how hurt you felt, just hearing the hateful words from the person you hold dear. WRITE IT OUT and cry if you must. Wait for like two weeks, then read what you wrote, so that you can feel it again, before seeking forgiveness, from God and from your friend, because the circle would not be complete until you seek her forgiveness.

    You need to stare down the face of your utterly ignorant self-righteousness, and envy. Until you can stand in her shoes and feel that pain, of rejection from a dear friend, you cannot even start the repentance. Until you can face down that devil, you will continue to dwell in the darkness of your own thoughts. And if you are not willing to repent, let that beautiful soul go. Hate to judge, but you are not worthy of her friendship.

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