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Aunty Bella: Miss. He Posted My Nudes on a Whatsapp Group

BellaNaija.com

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Aunty Bella is our  agony aunt column on BellaNaija. We launched this column in the early days of BN and periodically feature issues sent in by BN readers.

This situation was narrated by a BellaNaijarian within the comment of another post. We have extracted it, so that it does not take away from the import of the original story.

We hope the BN family can offer insightful advice.

***
I never thought I would be one to post something like this on BN but I need advice on what to do. I met a supposedly wonderful guy sometime ago. It was not love but it was nice being an item. Months into our relationship, I started feeling like something was amiss. I would tell him of my feelings and we would almost always get into an argument.

I woke up one night based on these feelings and went through his almost squeaky clean phone. I found out he belonged to a group on WhatsApp whose purpose was to be involved in different women while posting nudes taken secretly of the said women amongst themselves. I was in shock and confronted him about it.

He got angry I went through his phone all the while not even bothered about the fact he had shared naked pictures taken secretly of my body and shared it with this said group.

Fast forward a couple of months. I see him again based on the fact I had some of my belongings in his apartment and we get into this whole argument of what had happened. He said he was sorry and we should work things out. That feeling made me check his phone again and lo and behold he was still part of this group and boasting of his conquests between our break up and this present moment.

1. What do I do? I am angry and feel so stupid for actually being in the relationship

2. What kind of legal action can I take against this group seeing as I am not the only female they are doing this to.

3. I made it a point to note the full names of most of the group members.

4. Is legal to post their full names together with their pictures on a social platform to warn all unsuspecting ladies.

I’ve cried so much and don’t live in Nigeria .

Photo Credit: Dreamstime

22 Comments

  1. tolu4show

    January 12, 2018 at 1:48 pm

    oh Lawd!! I don’t have any advice but I will pray for you. You’d be alright

    • Anne

      January 13, 2018 at 2:01 pm

      Na only prayer. This is not to make you feel bad but you were stupid actually. When we tell women to keep themselves undefiled until marriage, they say we are conservative. Take your relationship with God seriously, they say we are too spiritual. No matter how much in love you are, set a guard on your feelings. My mum told me long ago how men cannot keep quiet.

  2. Temi Tope

    January 12, 2018 at 2:01 pm

    IF HE POSTED YOUR NUDE PICTURES ONLINE, I PRESUME YOU ALSO HAVE HIS NUDE PICTURES.. OH I HAVE FORGOTTEN. MANY WOMEN ARE SUCH FOOLS.. THEY LET THEIR MEN TAKE PICTURES OF THEM NUDE.. BUT THEY NEVER TAKE PICTURES OF THEIR NUDE ME.N…

    I GUESS IT IS HIGH TIME YOU USE YOUR BRAIN AND NOT YOUR HEART… NO MATTER HOW INTENSE IS THE LOVE RELATIONSHIP NEVER LET A MAN TAKE YOUR PICTURES.. UNLESS YOU ARE BOTH ON THOSE PICTURES.. RUBBISH…

    • Orange

      January 12, 2018 at 2:15 pm

      It’s 2018, please read and comprehend , pictures are taken in secret as written by the poster.

    • NaSo

      January 12, 2018 at 2:19 pm

      Read, Read, and read….can’t be that difficult. She clearly stated the pix were taken secretly. Ofcourse there are instances where gals send nudes or allow nudes to be taken. We can also say this isn’t based on her narrative. Read, read and try not to generally assume!

      Now back to the lady….ofcourse it is illegal to post pple’s nude pix or vids without their consent. Wanna knock him out? Easy…have you got proof? Verifiable proof? Just 1hour of legal advice is all you need, and his bum will be hanging out in the open…butt-naked

    • charlotte

      January 12, 2018 at 9:33 pm

      Hi Tope, it’s a new year, it’s not actually difficult to just be nice. Please read to understand, not to spew hurtful comments. She said the pictures were taken without her consent.

    • eagleeye

      January 12, 2018 at 10:49 pm

      TemiTope you are an actual fool. Did you read the story or are you so bereft of compassion to another human being? Moron

  3. Fizzy

    January 12, 2018 at 2:13 pm

    You people never learn.

  4. Orange

    January 12, 2018 at 2:18 pm

    Dear poster, please take legal actions, It’ll save you and a lot of women from being blackmailed and embarrassed.

  5. SoniaPaloma

    January 12, 2018 at 2:18 pm

    You don’t need to ask. Post the names and their pictures online to warn other women who are victims. Who knows the blackmailing that some of them might be doing with those pictures?
    You stated you don’t live in Nigeria, so I am guessing in the ‘Abroad’ where the law is even more effective. So girl, make sure you are the last woman they try such with. Report them all with the evidence you have to higher authorities. This is a violation of privacy and Trust.

    • Poster

      January 15, 2018 at 3:30 am

      Thank you so much for your words. I will be going to the police station .

  6. Sisi

    January 12, 2018 at 3:43 pm

    That’s is a violation. I am in shock. What a disgusting group of animals – is this a regular thing amongst some men? I am glad you don’t live in Nigeria – if you live in a country with progressive laws against such (revenge porn) and a robust judicial system then you need to go to the police. Please do – all those poor unsuspecting women! Those men need to face the consequences and personally I would like for you to teach your ‘guy’ a lesson.

    • Poster

      January 15, 2018 at 3:38 am

      Thank you so much . I will be going to the police station

  7. Peyton

    January 12, 2018 at 5:19 pm

    If you live outside Nigeria find out the laws. And then sue him and his friends. I suggest if you can get evidence from this group. That way you can strengthen your case. You can post the names of the guys and get other ladies involved with them to also bring actions against them.

    What happened to you is wrong and a violation of your privacy.

  8. Dr.N

    January 12, 2018 at 5:38 pm

    Get a lawyer.
    If you have the name of the group a hacker can assess it and pull up evidence.
    Don’t let him get away with it and go on to destroy other lives
    I hear there are many of such groups
    One I heard specializes in going after the married and then boasting of their conquests. People actually have a while alternate reality online and it needs to stop!

    • Poster

      January 15, 2018 at 3:39 am

      Thank you! I will be going to the police . God bless you.

  9. Omoh

    January 12, 2018 at 8:17 pm

    Hello Poster, I am so sorry you are going through this. If you do not live in Nigeria but live in a sane country, take this issue to the police. Sexual related offences top the rank of crimes in such countries. For instance, I am certain that in Scotland, sharing nude pictures of another without consent is a crime. Please, look into what law(s)/advisory bodies to complain to in the country of your residence online (its really easy. Just type sharing nude pictures in (type Country)) to be properly informed, then take all necessary actions. Bearhugs dear

    • Poster

      January 15, 2018 at 3:36 am

      Thank you so much! I will. God bless you

  10. Akara Pancake

    January 12, 2018 at 8:58 pm

    Seek legal advise. If he took the photos of you without your consent, and posted them on a Group, that has entered the territory of sexual assault with grave consequences.

    On another unrelated note, fellas/ladies – do not send nudes to your significant order unless you are an exhibitionist ready for the risk that the nudes will be shared to the general public. An anagram of nudes is “dunse” (pronounced “dunce”). Dont be one

  11. Loki

    January 12, 2018 at 11:45 pm

    If you live in a “First world” Nation, sue the bastard. Get a lawyer that will level 500 different counts against him. He’ll go down for 499. If you’re worried about your privacy, a motion to seal the evidence can be made and granted. Beware though, the photos can still go viral. If he releases them out of spite, that’s another count of revenge porn. Get a good lawyer that will ensure that the next 50 years of his life are spent in pain. After you’re done with legal redress, go self help. Get a couple of people to break his knee caps, ribs and open up his balls. It’s amazing what you can get on craigslist. But never be traced to the self help part. You will go to jail. That’s for your personal satisfaction. Those who say revenge is pointless have never had it work for them before.
    Or you could pray and trust God to deal with him. Your choice.

    • Poster

      January 15, 2018 at 3:34 am

      Thank you Loki . I’ve cried so much , your suggestion to go on Craigslist made me laugh. I will be going to the police . God bless .

  12. Poster

    January 15, 2018 at 3:31 am

    Thank you Bellanaija for posting it. I will be going to the police . Bless you.

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