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Eva Bozimo: Women are not Rehab Centres for Badly Behaved Men

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A few weeks ago, the Internet was buzzing over an interview by world heavyweight champion Anthony Joshua with British GQ magazine.

“Are you a good dad?” Joshua was asked in the interview.

He answered: “I don’t think I’m that strict with Joseph, I don’t know why, but with my niece I’m strict. I think it is because she is older, but also he’s a boy – he’s going to be a man’s man, he’ll want to spread his wings, be a jack-of-the-lad, build his character. But I’m sure there are things I will be strict about, but with my niece there is none of that jack-the-lad nonsense for her. My view is you have to be a good woman, respectful, one day you will be someone’s wife, you will have to learn family morals… what it is to be a good woman.”

There are so many things I find problematic with statements like this one. It’s tiring; we have to keep saying the same things over and over. “I’m not strict with my son because I expect him to spread his wings and be a man’s man.”
In other words, being a man requires no accountability or growth, only freedom. While he imposes respectability and wifely duties on his niece.

“…you have to be a good woman, respectful, one day you will be someone’s wife, you will have to learn family morals…what it is to be a good woman”.

The problem is not becoming a wife, it is setting the standard to become a wife rather than her own person first. It’s suppressive. Demeaning.

“…with my niece there will none of the jack-the-lad nonsense for her.” So he acknowledges it’s nonsense quite all right?

It is amazing how men perpetuate the infantilisation of other men and place women in a position to endure and tolerate.

We spend all this time on making sure our female kids are respectful, well behaved and domesticated, and we just ignore the boys. This makes women grow up to feel they have to cater to childish juvenile behavior in their marriages. Women are really not rehabilitation centers for badly behaved boys.

Society has spent centuries grooming women to be good wives, yet failing to produce the good husbands who deserve them, and it’s pathetic to watch.

In this patriarchal world we live in, there is a notion that, “girls are more mature than boys,” and that is one the biggest social constructs.

Girls aren’t more mature than boys their age mentally. One gender has simply been given the freedom to be careless, messy, disorganised. And the other: to conform to the calm acceptable behaviour expected of a good wife.

Too many men are raised to focus on themselves and their needs alone, while too many women are raised to be mindful of everyone’s needs, while putting themselves last. There needs to be a balance.

Some of the energy applied to teaching girls how to be “good wives” need to be directed toward boys. And some of the energy applied to teaching boys how to pave their own way should also be directed toward girls.

A lot of young men don’t know the first thing about being good husbands, and too many women think their self worth is dependent on their ability to cater to a man.

However, the world is evolving for the better; all we can do as the next generation of parents is to try not to make the same mistakes the previous generation made.

Raise al your children to be accountable, responsible and well behaved. No one should get a pass, no one should be given a special benefit of the doubt.

When people blame everything (divorces etc) on the 21st century woman or feminism, what they really mean is that the world cannot function properly because the modern woman refuses to suffer.

Love & Light xo

Photo Credit: Dreamstime

Eva Bozimo is the editor-in-chief of the life style site candid lips blog. She’s a freelance writer and can be reached for writing articles for magazines, blogs, script writing and reviews. She created her platform to raise the consciousness level of people and to spread positivity. Also to recognise the challenges we face everyday, especially in Africa.Find her on https://evabozimo.wixsite.com/candidlipsblog Instagram: @Eva.chanel/@candidlipsblog Twitter: @EvaChanel

21 Comments

  1. OLD_GAL

    March 14, 2018 at 8:07 pm

    ON_POINT

    • Marsala

      March 15, 2018 at 7:06 am

      EVa, as much as I support this article, please give kudos/acknowledge the young lady who coined the powerful statement you used as your caption “women are not rehabilitation centers for badly behaved men”.

  2. Funto

    March 14, 2018 at 8:26 pm

    Standing Ovation.

  3. John

    March 14, 2018 at 8:34 pm

    Here we go again!!!..yen yen yen yen …Why is it, that it is mostly single women dey carry this kind article for head like gala…all they are good at is sitting online, scanning and looking for people words to twist and manipulate (especially males) so they can find something to whine about for the day.. .fitting and proving their stereotype. We go know who go tire last last

    • Sakura

      March 15, 2018 at 9:29 am

      Hi John, how are you? It’s good to know your mindset hasn’t changed. Three cheers to you ?

    • Engoz

      March 15, 2018 at 8:06 pm

      Cry me a river, lmao. Take a hankie and clean ya baby tears. Imagine the contradiction – a Whining Buffoon that has penile erections on even posts that have nothing to do with women, is talking about ‘whining’. On politics o, comedy o, random articles, ‘it’ produces same ole regurgitated nonsense. No intellectual depth, nothing whatsoever. ‘It’ can never produce a convincing argument. All ‘it’ knows how to do is to spread ‘its’ butt cheeks and shit. This is a female DOMINATED blog and guess what female issues will be discussed from morning till night, everyday of the week, from January to December. And badly behaved, untrained animalistic, beastly, dirty men will be seriously dealt with on this blog and outside of it. You can continue to cry and shit in your pants and stench up the whole place everyday, but that fact still remains and is undebatable. It’s either you accept it or die. Rotflmao!

  4. Levit

    March 14, 2018 at 8:49 pm

    Men are not foster fathers for lazy and entitled long-throat Nigerian women.

  5. Lady!

    March 14, 2018 at 8:53 pm

    This was a good read and while I agree with everything said, I also want parents to raise their daughters to be independent. Especially Nigerian parents. I believe much of the crap women take from men comes from a lack of independence. Nigerian culture raises these good women hoard them till it’s time to marry them sends them off to be someone’s wife. Women need time to grow and become their own people. Dream big and actualize their dreams. They don’t need to believe they have to hide their smarts or dreams for some man not to feel less. Most Nigerian men are so used to women being raised this way that they know they have the upper hand. These men know that once the women leave daddy’s house they need a man who can do what daddy did or more. Or she’s looking for a savior hence the reason why so many of them throw money at their issues. Stand on your own, be your own person and then pick a partner not just a ‘husband’ not someone who marry’s Someone who fits and will take his BS but someone he is going to get through life with and lean on and vice versa. If more women were independent they will leave once these men show themselves and if that happens constantly, they will sit up. No one has time for crap so when women start giving them their sh*t right back, they will borrow sense. Women we are strong and capable of so much stop letting being a wife define you.

  6. Olori

    March 14, 2018 at 9:03 pm

    I get the message. O ti ye mi. However I cannot help but call the writer out. I know it’s just words but why was the source of your article’s title not cited. I read the article twice to see if I missed it. It was a viral tweet by a northern lady. You just claimed it as yours without any reference at all. Trying to seem ingenious when it’s the other way. I’m not bashing your message. Just saying. I just really cringe when people directly or indirectly lift from others. Very cunny something.

    • ozyy

      March 16, 2018 at 12:00 pm

      People should start taking plagiarism seriously. In this part of the world, the consequences are not huge unfortunately.

  7. Nahum

    March 14, 2018 at 10:00 pm

    Abeg can I kiss you???? As in… this is just a marvelous write up!! This is why there are so many divorces today, why should a young woman suffer and die because an over grown buffoon just refuses to accept that he is an adult and he has children?? Life is too short. All this boys will be boys crap needs to end and allow girls to be girls as well. I ensure that my boy takes care of his little sister, he wears her shoes, brushes her hair, gets her water. I am teaching him responsibility for another other than himself. There are just too many selfish and self centered men around. We need to change this narrative and shame on Anthony Joshua and a bigger shame on the mother of his niece for allowing him to teach her daughter nonsense.

    • Bia

      March 14, 2018 at 11:25 pm

      Hmmm. So your boy wears his sister shoes?.

      Does he also wear her dress and pant!!.

      Another bobrisky loading. Good for you. You think you are doing men but you are doing yourself. You sound like a divorcee sha

    • Bia (The Original Bia)

      March 15, 2018 at 11:18 am

      Who the fuck are you @Bia. People, this is not the original @Bia. This person up there is not representative of my views. Why can you thief not look for another blog name? Hian. No wonder people blame nonsense on me.

    • Mz Socially Awkward....

      March 15, 2018 at 11:24 am

      @Bia, if you read what she said in the context of the entire paragraph, you’ll clearly find that she meant her son helps get his sister dressed and ready in the morning.

      However, you didn’t and just jumped to latch on to that one single phrase.

      There is a continually revealed ignorance in our midst these days that is very, very, troubling.

    • Sakura

      March 15, 2018 at 5:39 pm

      Thank you @ My Socially Award. I was too exhausted to respond to @ Bia.

  8. yes oh!

    March 14, 2018 at 11:47 pm

    Please i hope Anthony Joshua reads this. Say No to “Jack the lad”.

  9. Joke

    March 15, 2018 at 2:03 am

    “Women are really not rehabilitation centers for badly behaved boys.” Since when? Is that a factual statement or an inspirational one? Sis, beg, no lie ya sef, even if person dey lie you. So many women are exactly that, particularly Nigerian women when that pressure to marry is on. They will do anything to become Mrs like their very existence depends on it. The boy that the father ignores and his mother pampers grows up to become spoilt, with a huge ego and a great sense of entitlement. The desperate girlfriend too adds to this mess. She does anything he wants so he can marry her and he does. But the kicker is after some years of marriage, a couple of kids and Mr wants to continue being spoilt like he’s used to, madam now wants out of the relationship. Some stay and some leave eventually, but either way, I’ve seen this scenario play out too many times to count…

    • Lady!

      March 15, 2018 at 3:42 pm

      Facts!!!!!

    • Ajala & Foodie

      March 15, 2018 at 7:02 pm

      @ Joke, I am not certain I get your point with your argument. When slave trade and segregation was practiced. The MLKs and unknown names who fought or spoke against these acts spoke nothing but the truth i.e all men are made equal (that is a fact), that some women now for whatever reason choose to be “rehabilitation centers” does not change the veracity of this article. So when you ask: is that a factual statement or inspirational? It is very much factual, no woman is created to be a rehab center that some women choose to be does not make it :”factual”. Articles like this are meant to educate on what the truth is, to let people (women) know they deserve better than being made into “rehab groups and centers”.

      N.B: I want to believe your use of the word “factual” here means truthful. This is not an article addressing wether it exists or not. It is written because like your argument the author is well aware that such exists. Hence, the need to write and educate. Just like the civil rights movement existed because racism and segregation existed, articles like this exists also because it exists in our society

  10. passingby

    March 16, 2018 at 8:39 am

    hum true dat. It goes without saying. Also men are not foster dads for girls damaged by their dads. If you are grown up enough to have sex you should be able to address whatever trauma you went through in the pass and not bring that baggage to a relationship.

  11. bolintin

    March 16, 2018 at 11:05 am

    That is how my “good girl” cousin was married off to one rich man’s kid who had been deported severally from UK in the days of before digital passport.. This boy was obviously on drugs and highly irresponsible.

    My cousin was married off to this obviously very bad guy by her parents to give her family the opportunity of making it in life while the boys’ family was hoping this well trained girl will inspire the boy to start living a good life.

    Off they were both sent to the UK. BY the boys parents. all expense for their settling down probably all covered as well but my cousin’s eyes saw wen!

    This was a girl who was learning a trade in Nigeria but immediately she got to UK she went to school and started working. But the broda will not work or go to school o yet he will abuse her in all forms possible. HE continued with his drugs and irresponsible living. until she got wiser and divorced him years later.

    That was many years ago, but today I wonder how her family thought to use her as a sacrificial lamb. Indeed their chances were very slim then but was it fair to give your child as a sacrifice for a better future? Although they got what they wanted, she became the financial sponsor of the entire family and helped some of them relocate abroad too but she remained single after that marriage crashed.

    On the groom’s side, I also wonder why a mother who could not train her own child will think it is one girl younger than her and her son that will help her train him. It such a painful thing.

    Irony is this is still happening even in this modern world.

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