Aunty Bella is our agony aunt column on BellaNaija. We launched this column in the early days of BN and periodically feature issues sent in by BN readers.
We hope the BN family can offer insightful advice.
A sister needs your advice. My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 years( with a few breakups and makeup here and there). We both genuinely love each other. So this is what seems to be the problem..
My boyfriend finished uni 5 years ago and hasn’t been able to get any good job since then(he did computer engineering). He will always finds something , which will seem to be going well and then suddenly they will stop paying him. We can all attest life is hard as it is and not having any sustainable income coming just magnifies the stress. Nevertheless, he will still go to work even without pay. He usually waits it out for a few months and if nothing happens he quits and the whole cycle of job hunt starts over again. It’s happened twice already, and again in his current job (he has not been paid for 3 months).
He is the most hardworking person I know, even when he is not being paid, he shows up to work and puts in extra hours, most of the time even do extra work at home. I sometimes get mad at him for putting in so much effort into something he’s not even being paid for.
This whole cycle of job struggles has really taken a toll of him. He has lost his confidence, and I will say even borderline depressed. He recently told me to find someone else since his situation isn’t getting any better. He can’t afford to take care of me and he doesn’t want to waste my time.
I also believe he feels pressured to marry me since we’ve been together for so long. I personally do not pressure him about marriage, I know we can’t afford it now and I believe whenever it’s supposed to happen it will. For the most part, I’m not bothered by his financial struggles. I make my own money and can take care of myself, but I’m human and sometimes when I compare myself to my friends relationship I get sad.
I do not believe in breaking with someone because of financial troubles. if it was character flaw, then that would have been a different discussion, but just because someone doesn’t have money now doesn’t mean they wont have money in the future. He is very hardworking and i believe if he keeps going at it, one day something will work out. We tried to start a business together but its not really working out well so far.
My question is this, I know sometimes when you are in love with someone you can’t think clearly. I think I’m a very objective person but I also don’t deny the fact that my judgement could be clouded because I love him. So if it were you, what would you do? Would you walk away or stay? Am I settling? Am I being dumb? I also want to add that I’m turning 28 soon.
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