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The Daily Vulnerable: I’d like to Spend Today Crying



I received the most human message I ever got, yesterday, from a dear friend. I want to share it with you:

“Good morning Chude. I didn’t sleep much. Yesterday, I fought the hardest I’ve ever had to fight for my life. I wanted to kill myself and go and rest. I’m glad I didn’t do it. (But) I am hurting very much. Battling depression and anxiety and winning, but not as fast as I’d like. I’m not so strong. I’d like to spend today crying and praying and letting myself hurt. I don’t want to be a strong, fierce soldier today. I want to be what I am, a hurting child.”

I was walking to a meeting when I got this message. It stopped me right in my tracks. It said something deep, whole, and human to my spirit.

It also left me speechless with the power of its honesty.

All I could reply, transfixed in that moment of the most beautiful honesty was, “hugs”.

Hugs that said ‘I understand’, ‘I think I understand’, ‘I’m here’, ‘You have a right to be here’, ‘Everything you feel is valid’, ‘You are greatly loved’.

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Jideonwo is a storyteller, using the research and evidence on human flourishing to inspire new narratives about politics, markets, faith, identity and society in Africa.He is a co-founder of RED, which he ran for 13 years before stepping down in December 2017. One of its companies, StateCraft Inc. handled communication for the Muhammadu Buhari campaign in 2015 and has worked in elections in Ghana, Kenya, Liberia, and Sierra Leone.


  1. Mee

    May 17, 2018 at 9:42 pm

    I can totally relate. Days when I wake up and decide that I am not choosing happiness today. I feel miserable and I will go ahead and be miserable.

    It’s not everytime we form winning bravado. At times you give in to those tears. Those feelings. Just indulge. Embrace your weakness.

    Trust me, you will be fine.

    • E.b

      May 19, 2018 at 4:23 am

      Cast all your burdens upon the lord for he cares for you. We were never admonished to embrace our weaknesses but to cast them on the anxious for nothing.

  2. Been there

    May 17, 2018 at 10:26 pm

    I’ve been there. Some days, you just want to drown in your own sorrow, no energy to form macho. Depression is deadly…Africans need to start speaking up about mental health and stop covering it up with “pray about it o…infact go for deliverance”. It’s not always the aunty in the village doing you.

  3. GraceOfGOD

    May 18, 2018 at 1:37 am

    Good morning dear ALL,

    DEPRESSION is REAL… I have been THERE in the PAST and it is GOD WHO saved me… PLEASE if you are DEPRESSED and have SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, TALK TO GOD, HE can RESCUE YOU as HE did with me… PRAYERS are the KEYS. BE HONEST with GOD and CRY if you FEEL like crying and ALLOW GOD to HUG you, ALLOW GOD to HEAL you, ALLOW GOD to PROTECT you… YOU are SPECIAL, BEAUTIFUL , UNIQUE and you DESERVE to LIVE… The SUN always RISES again… NEVER lose HOPE… NEVER give UP on you and GOD… The ONLY CONSTANT in life is CHANGE… your CURRENT challenges will be OVER very SOON by the SPECIAL GRACE of GOD ???

    • Mz_Danielz

      May 18, 2018 at 5:06 am

      This is the truth.

      Talking to God is the real cure for depression. He is called the balm of Gilead and lover of your soul for a reason.

      Opening up with honest prayers like God I feel low, I know this is not how you want me to feel, allow me see myself through your eyes so I see the beauty you see that make you call me the apple of your eyes. Give me a sense of self rooted deeply in you that nothing can shake it and most of all may the fruits of the holyspirit be born in me and grant me the grace to choose life and more abundantly.

      Then read the Bible, the word of God is life. Read everywhere that talks about abundant life, joy. Love, wholeness and satisfaction. Read it day and night till you are filled with God’s word.

      Don’t ever use your mouth to say you’re depressed or anxious etc instead practice saying things like ‘I’m a very bold, confident and sure person but for some reason I’m feeling low today but I know I’ll overcome it’; ‘I’m lovable and charismatic but it seems I’m not in my element right now, in a short while my charisma and light will shine forth, I’m loved and accepted anyway’

      The same way we train our bodies is the way we train our minds and emotions.

      It is essential we face every life challenge with the mindset that we were winners before it began.

  4. Nubia

    May 18, 2018 at 11:55 am

    As with all things. there is a place for God’s divine healing and positive mantras in mental health but there is a huge part for MEDICAL INTERVENTION! Can us Africans embrace the fact that depression, anxiety, insomnia schizophrenia, panic attacks etc are all medical conditions just like malaria, diabetes, cancer etc. If you are depressed by all means pray but pleaseeeee see a doctor, a psychiatrist. Go to the psychiatrist hospital yaba or aro, get diagnosed, get medication, get help. It works!!! Many can testify. There is no shame in seeking help.

    • E.b

      May 19, 2018 at 4:26 am

      The word of God is medicine to our flesh. Medications can be of help but The word of God is LIFE.

    • tunmi

      May 20, 2018 at 5:30 pm

      (sigh) if only

  5. Phoebe

    May 18, 2018 at 12:21 pm

    Mz_danielz Depression is an illness of the brain, just like cancer or malaria or hypertension or any other illness. if you like don’t say it with your mouth you will continue to suffer until it eventually disables or kills you i.e. suicide.
    Depression and Anxiety require medical treatment and therapy as would any other illness and the first step to feeling better is acknowledging that there is a problem to begin with.
    I believe in the power of prayer as a form of therapy just as you would pray if you had cancer, to help you handle the situation and make the right treatment choices. However if you stay home and just pray, you will die. The illness won’t disappear.
    Even people who are filled with God’s word can have depression because they are not immune from the many problems with genetics or the environment.

    If you have 2 or more of these symptoms for more that a few weeks, please seek help

    Trouble concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions
    Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and helplessness
    Pessimism and hopelessness
    Insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or sleeping too much
    Loss of interest in things once pleasurable, including sex
    Overeating, or appetite loss
    Aches, pains, headaches, or cramps that won’t go away
    Digestive problems that don’t get better, even with treatment
    Persistent sad, anxious, or “empty” feelings
    Suicidal thoughts or attempts

    1 in 10 people with depression die from suicide, that’s besides broken marriages, failure at work and school, failed relationships and so on.
    If there is help, why suffer?

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