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Nike Folagbade: Are You Searching For the Perfect Partner or Working on Becoming the Right Partner



It’s funny how we grow up having so many wishes and dreams that sometimes feel like they can only happen in movies.

I grew up watching a lot of Indian romantic movies and reading romantic novels. This quickly formed a deep opinion in my subconscious of what love should be about. I spent my days daydreaming about what a perfect man should look like, feel like, think like, love like and act like.

To my greatest surprise, I began to meet different kinds of men.

The first man I dated was simply all over my body. His idea of a relationship was one where we simply kissed and had great sex. But I never went beyond the kiss. We never shared meaningful conversations or even had a deep connection. What exactly were we even doing together?

He never spent his money on me. Oh, he was so stingy. He would even borrow from my salary and never had enough to pay back. I didn’t mind though, as long as he remained my Diego like we were fondly called at the office: Diego and Paloma from the show, “When You Were Mine.”

We were a great couple physically but that was all we had. No content, no meat and no stew. I tried so hard to make the relationship a dream come true but he never acted like my perfect match. Oh, how much I loved to communicate with him but he never had enough airtime to call.

What kind of guy was I dating, you might ask. Don’t blame me, I was just 15 and deeply in love like in the Cinderella story waiting for forever with my charming Prince.

I was trying to hustle to help my family, but beyond that, I fell in love because I needed safe arms. I simply wanted the perfect partner. I didn’t have anyone to be myself with so I went on a search for the perfect partner like I had read about, but this time, there were no horses, no music and no candles.

After trying to make the relationship work for a few years, I let it go and went with a new friend who gave me his whole heart and communicated in the sweetest voice ever. Anyway, that’s a juicy story for another day.

I need to tell you about my hidden agenda. I was looking for love in the wrong places. I felt that falling in love at that age would make me a matured woman, but I was only joking with my emotions. I spent years searching for the right partner. I did accept some men, but they were just wannabes. Some people cross your path just to teach you, strengthen you, build you up and make you see your worth. So, yes, I went through some series of heartbreaks before I received common sense, but here’s what I learned:

No one can ever make you feel happy. It’s your job to accept yourself and find purpose in your journey, no matter how crooked it may be.

The false stories and exaggerated movies create an unrealistic representation of what love should be like. So you begin to search and dine with the wrong one. If you are going to dabble into relationships, it’s better you do it from a place of understanding and not for seeking validation like I was doing.

Focus on the most important parts of your life before trying to believe promises you need to be patient enough to uncover. I am not saying that you should not date early enough, but take your time to discover yourself too. Do your best to become the right partner so that it can help you send out positive vibes that can bring the same kinds of people towards you. Find out your values, your deal breakers and makers, your journey and who you need in it.

There’s a difference between who you think you want and who you truly need. Don’t find love based on all you have read and watched, there’s a subtle untrue message in there that can distort your expectations and make you feel sad when you never meet it. Love is a beautiful experience, but there should be some caution.

The rate of divorce is on the high side, hence, you need to become more intentional about who you accept because it’s not about who you attract to yourself now, it’s about who you accept into your world.

If you want to create the right love experience for yourself, start from seeking self-discovery and finding meaning in your life’s journey. At the end of the day, it’s all about your journey to becoming the right partner.

When you upgrade your worth and knowledge, it will change the kinds of people you date regardless of the chemistry you feel.

So, did you also believe certain things about love that you read or watched or maybe learned from friends and family? How did it affect your dating life? Kindly share below and I’ll be excited to respond so we can learn together.

Nike Folagbade is a relationship coach who helps single ladies and men overcome heartbreaks, attract and keep their dream partner and build healthy relationships. She blogs at She enjoys cooking, reading and dancing. She can be reached via [email protected]


  1. Tamuno

    January 13, 2019 at 3:27 pm

    I’d definitely be working for both being the perfect partner and having the right partner

  2. deaf Architect

    January 13, 2019 at 11:09 pm

    There is no such thing as the perfect partner or you being the perfect partner. There is you an imperfect being with the good, bad and everything in between parts working to make yourself better and finding someone also imperfect working to make his/herself and you choosing to be with this person because you have decided that you can accept all the sides of this person.

  3. Ioannes

    January 30, 2019 at 8:01 am

    Marriage is good but overrated. The earlier we understand that not everyone is destined to be married the better for us. If you haven’t met that person that will make losing your freedom and personal space worth it, then don’t do it. If you aren’t the commitment kinda person, totally don’t do it. If you can’t stick to one individual for the rest of your life, don’t do it. If you get physically aggressive and violent whenever someone disagrees with you…lock yourself up in a monastery and do penance for the rest of your life.

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