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Pastor Ifeanyi & Girls’ Dressing, FFK Vs. Church of Satan, Peruzzi Slapsgiving & a Gorilla Swallowing ₦7m | Here’s What Went Down this Week

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This past week has been … something. We’ve had a lot of our celebrities simply … is misbehaving the word? We woke up on Monday to hear that one of them physically assaulted someone who made an unkind comment about them. Then, while that was scarcely over, we saw another emissarial individual being simply ridiculous. And all that was only Monday morning.

Let’s take you through the week.

***

The Slap We Woke Up To
Even more annoying than the slap itself was that lame apology. But let’s start from the beginning.

We woke up Monday morning to find Twitter buzzing with news about a slap. Or perhaps it was the artist’s name we saw first, and we scrolled and scrolled, asking: what did he do this time?

Well, what had happened was Peruzzi had his bodyguards hold down this influencer – Pamilerin – while he slapped him. (I can’t get the image of big grown men holding down some scrawny guy so their boss can slap his face out of my mind. Talk about your job being degrading.)

This is getting too long. Okay. So Peruzzi came on Twitter to give some half-a** apology, adding “Nobody holy.” (It’s since been deleted.) The same thing was said by his label boss Davido when people were condemning online fraud (puts things in perspective). Davido, too, came with some apology about how artists are human too, as if to be human is to go around assaulting people who don’t like your art.

See, let’s just move on.

Our Former Minister Casting out Satan

??‍♂️

That’s the only emoji good enough to express the disappointment. See for yourself what happened between former minister Femi Fani-Kayode and the Twitter account for the Church of Satan.

(While most of FFK’s tweets have been deleted, perhaps out of a deep deep embarrassment, screenshots exist for a reason, and we are grateful.)

Maybe FFK doesn’t know this, but the Church of Satan, which is atheistic, actually has nothing to do with the biblical Satan. They have a FAQ up on their Twitter, which, frankly, is more informational than those pamphlets written in red ink that is shared around about them in Nigerian traffic.

Another Money-Swallowing Animal in Naija

E no dey do dis people?

This time, it’s ₦7 million. They say a gorilla in a zoo swallowed the money. Frankly, one is tired of hearing these … things.

Apparently, the money was realised during the Sallah holiday, and a gorilla reportedly snuck into the finance office, snatched the money, ran away and swallowed it.

Sighhhhhhhhhhh.

What will the son of man not hear in this country Nigeria?

Pastor Ifeanyi and Indecent Dressing

Well, it’s not unreasonable that a pastor, female or not, is calling out “indecent dressing” in church. It is the church, after all. But, you know, when the calling out takes the form of misogyny and slut shaming, and the men in the church are asked if they’ll use women like “the toy that you are” and “fling you when he’s done,” and the men (again, in the church) answer yes, then you know there’s a problem.

So, get this: it’s not right that women are “indecently dressed,” but, if they are, then it’s an excuse for the men in church to use them “as the toy that you are” and “fling you when he’s done.”

Oh, all right. Ride on, pastor!

Tithe Not Enough, Ekiti Pastor Comes up with Alternative Plan

See, how much is the minimum wage in Ekiti State, because it seems the tithe congregants pay in this methodist church in Ado-Ekiti isn’t enough for the pastor.

Adewuyi Adegoke, a pastor, arranged with some Oluwadare Sunday to fake his own kidnap and demand ₦3 million ransom from his congregation.

Unfortunately for Adegoke, his ploy was uncovered, and he’s been arrested by the police.

Anyway, this is why you should pay your tithes, guys. Pastor must chop. And if you don’t pay, you’ll just have to pay ransom.

What do the people have to say?

Botswana Repealed their Anti-Gay Law – #Repeal164

It’s been a decent pride month, hasn’t it? It definitely is for the folks in Botswana. Their High Court agreed that “it is not the business of the law to regulate private consensual sexual encounters” between adults.

The High Court heard the case after a man identified as LM, in his early 20s, took the case before the court.

Going Blue for Sudan

There’s an ongoing military crackdown in Sudan, with hundreds murdered in cold blood, some of them dumped in the River Nile. Both women and men have been raped, and thousands are in dire need of medical aid.

Why, you ask?

Because they’re protesting a dictatorship. People are being murdered because they want a fair leadership. The people of a country are being killed and raped and shot at because they want to be led by people who have their interests at heart. There’s no way to make sense of it. It’s bizarre.

What the rest of us are trying to do now is make sure that those in need of medical care get it. We’re trying to get the word out there, too, so that the powers that be can do something about the killings. Until both are achieved, until peace is back in Sudan, we won’t stop.

You may also change your profile photos to blue, on WhatsApp, Facebook, Instagram and Twitter, just so that whenever anyone sees it, Sudan comes to mind.

And that’s all for this week, folks! If we forgot anything, share in the comment section. Let’s see what next week brings.

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