BN Hot Topic: The Thing About Dating Your Friend’s Ex

“Love knows no bounds,” people say. People also say that we do not choose (or have control) over who we fall in love with. They say if love “catches” you, forgerrit, you’re hooked.

So if love truly knows no bounds and we do not have ultimate control when it comes to matters of the heart, is there anything wrong with being in a romantic relationship with that man or woman who makes your heart go tininitanana, even if he/she is your friend’s ex?

Many friendships have been ruined because one party decided to be with the other’s ex-partner. In fact, many people will explicitly tell you not to date their ex-boyfriends or girlfriends. Some claim it is an act of disrespect, there’s the “we had issues we couldn’t resolve so we broke up, and here you are dating him/her.” There’s also the one where you loved your ex so much and he/she did not really feel the same way and so you broke up just to discover, months or years later, that your friend is dating him/her.

Some also say that it means your friend has either been ‘eyeing’ your ex since and praying for your breakup or they’ve been dating behind your back and that contributed to the breakup. Some also claim the timing matters; your friend dating your ex a few weeks after your breakup is different from them meeting years after and deciding to date.

But others are saying “come off it.” That your friend and your ex being together is less about you and more about how they feel about each other. Love is the most important factor here and if they are both in love, what’s the big deal? They also claim that it doesn’t necessarily mean they have been dating before you broke up.

Some people believe that once you have decided not to be in a relationship with someone anymore, then it doesn’t really matter who the person decides to date next.

But come to think about it. If your friend is truly in love with your ex, do you believe he/she should be deprived of that love just because you had a thing with your ex? Or does it depend on circumstances – like the kind of relationship you have/had with your friend and ex? Will you not be pouring sand into their garri by telling them not to date because of you?

On the flip side, if your friend is not cool with you dating his/her ex, won’t it be awkward if y’all find yourselves in the same room? Will you feel guilty about it? Are you prepared to sacrifice your friendship because you have ‘found love’?

So what do you think? Would you date your friend’s ex if you’re in love with each other and you believe he/she is perfect for you? Or would you, for the sake of friendship (if your friend isn’t cool with it), let go of love?

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