Stephanie Inakoju: Being Kind is A Choice, A Good Choice

There was a lady in my street who was generous toward everyone. She knew everyone bickered about her, but she never cared. When people asked for her help, she still gave it. She kept a peaceful life with the neighbours. Later on, she married and moved to her husband’s home. Every time I remember her, I am always inspired by how she chose to live, unbothered by the bad things said about her, but decided to be kind.

She made me realise that kindness is a choice, and just because you are kind, it doesn’t guarantee that others won’t be hostile to you. About four years ago, when I was learning fashion design, a woman I worked with could be cruel and demeaning. She would send me on several gruelling and meaningless errands. As young as I was, it got to a point that she started sending me to her male friend’s place, alone. I became her unpaid helper, washing clothes under the hot sun and also washing her two daughters’ clothes as well. One daughter was younger than I am, and the other was a few years older. Whenever my father came around to drop off something for me to eat, she would sneer and give me cruel looks. I never knew why. I endured a lot and persevered regardless.

Not long after, I met a mentor who offered patience, guidance, and practical skills. Instead of reacting with anger to my fashion design teacher, I chose to be gentler. And I have chosen to be gentle and kind ever since. Meanwhile, I realised that people often mistake being kind with weakness. To me, kindness, practised regularly, tends to pay off in better ways. Did someone offend you? Be kind. Did someone take what belongs to you? Be kind. Being kind makes you reasonable and avoid unnecassy drama.

I got another opportunity to learn under a remarkable woman, who showed me how to be empathetic. It reminded me that being good can be a powerful and transformative approach to life. The moral is about choosing how you respond to actions. Your reactions to someone else’s actions. You can allow cruelty to shape your days and be bitter, or you can carry forward with integrity and generosity, letting all your actions teach others. Good values attract people. The world may present a vast number of challenges, but it also offers countless chances to build a peaceful world, be kind to each other, lead by example, and grow together. 

If you’re reading this, consider the everyday choices you make, the way you treat the janitor as you leave a building you’re in, the patience you show to a coworker who forgets a deadline, and the way you acknowledge someone’s effort, even if the outcome isn’t perfect. These little acts accumulate into something larger, an atmosphere in which decency can thrive amongst everyone. And in that atmosphere, even when you encounter people who test your patience and want to take you to that dark place, you’ll still find reasons to keep moving forward with hope and with a firm belief that goodness matters.

We often talk about our experiences with people who seem cruel or unfair, and I believe there’s hardly anyone who hasn’t crossed paths with someone harsh at least once in life. Whether on the way to work, at work, at school, or in the neighbourhood, we can all relate. We can change this cycle when we all choose to be kind.

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Featured Image by Mikhail Nilov for Pexels.