Lota Ofodile: Love Don’t Care… But If You Do, Then You Should

In recent times, I’ve been on a Simi high – following the release of that AMAZING duo EP “Chemistry” she made with Falz. If you pay attention to Nigerian music and have heard some of her work, then you know that Simi’s voice is so unique and beautiful. For me, being part of #SimiArmy was not even an option. Plus, her songs are primarily love songs, and you know anywhere you find love matter, I dey there.

One of my Simi favorites at the moment is one her recent singles, ‘Love Don’t Care’ (not on the Chemistry EP), which talks about loving someone not being dependent on who they are, where they’re from, what they have, etc. Apart from the humor she applied in the song and the wonderful visual that accompanied it, I really love the song because it is the kind of thing I like to hear. To a certain extent, I think that it is what it is—you can’t exactly control what you feel for someone, or even who you have feelings for. These things just happen; it’s almost as if your heart just does its own thing without even asking your permission.

But that’s where the whole “follow your head not just your heart” thing comes into play. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying “love is a decision”. My interpretation of that is, even though you don’t control when, how strongly, who or even why you love someone, the decision to pay attention to and act on those feelings is ultimately yours.

Yes, love is a beautiful thing, there’s no denying that. In fact, I think it is the greatest gift we have been given as humans, but it has to be applied wisely. So yes, love don’t care about religion, tribe, wealth, etc. BUT do you? And if you do, then take a step back and think about the situation carefully before deciding to love someone. I should say at this point that this particularly concerns the kind of love that is leading somewhere, you know, marriage.

A lot of times, I think it is easy for us to get lost in the moment, and focus only on the present when we’re in love;  we’re not thinking about what the future might look like if the relationship gets to that point. There might be certain things about the person we love that might concern us, and not even because said thing is inherently troublesome or problematic, but because of the circumstances and reality of that thing, and how it will factor into our lives as a couple.

Take for instance, religion (and I really hate to use this example, but it is a BIG one so there). Imagine that you are Christian and the person is Muslim; or that both of you are Christian, but of different denominations. Boy meets girl, everything is magical, and love happens. Of course, there is nothing wrong with anyone’s religion or denomination just because it is different from yours BUT what happens after you get married? Do you pray separately? Go to the Church/Mosque individually? Is one of you going to convert for the other? And then there are the kids (if you plan on having those). What do you teach them, and how are they raised? What prayers are they saying? Who do they follow on Fridays or Sundays? What Feasts and Holidays are important to them? And the list goes on.

I don’t think this applies to everyone, because I don’t expect that we all have the same values or priorities or concerns, which is why I said, IF you care about some of these things, then you need to consider them. Like I said earlier, love happens irrespective of a person’s tribe, religion, occupation, status, etc., hence the title “Love don’t care but if you do, then you should”. And it’s not that if some of these differences exist, then the relationship is automatically doomed, NO. It just means that both parties involved need to be aware of these differences and concerns, and then have serious conversations about them, compromise, and then decide what their lives post-marriage would look like together, before deciding to commit.

Like almost every decision that needs to be made when love is involved, it might be difficult, but it is so necessary. It is possible to figure these things out—I know of inter-faith and inter-denominational couples that have been married for years! And even though it almost always is the case that one person changes for the other, or one religion ends up being the one primarily practiced in the household, they seem happy and it is what works for them.

At the end of the day, it is entirely up to you, who decide to love and marry, but I can’t stress enough how important it is to know yourself and the things about yourself and your partner that are important to you and those that can or can’t be compromised on.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime