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Lota Ofodile: Let’s Take a Moment to Appreciate F*ck Boys

Lota

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…Douche bags, Yoruba demons, Time wasters, or whatever else we call them. And before you flip…NO, I am not endorsing their actions. Neither am I trying to trivialize the amount of pain and heartache they constantly bring to women. Rather, I am coming from the perspective of gratitude for lessons learned from mistakes made.

Nobody likes bad experiences. We hate it when we make mistakes, particularly ones that involve matters of the heart. Apart from hurting so bad (and sometimes for so long), after such experiences, we tend to shut off and shut down. We get so angry with ourselves, we sometimes are pushed to make certain decisions that we otherwise wouldn’t be making – all in the name of “not caring anymore” or just in a bid to feel better in the moment—decisions that might make us feel even worse than we originally had. Often times, we push people away, friends and potential future baes alike.

The aftermath of a f*ck boy experience is never pleasant. It is a very low point for many women. If not properly handled or managed, it could lead to a variety of ills – ranging from low self-esteem issues to substance abuse or even suicide ideation. But as with every disappointment or “failure” we encounter in life, what matters is how you react to it, and whether you choose to dwell on it, or learn from it to come out wiser, better and stronger. This is where the gratitude I mentioned earlier comes in.

In many cases, post-f*ck boy encounters often leave women wanting better for themselves. The truth is that these f*ck boys set the bar so low, that we start aiming or looking for anything better. This too might be a problem if one just ends up settling for the next best thing, who in actuality might not even be good enough.

Once you’re able to get past the hurt, hopefully you’ll realise:

1. What you do and don’t like in a partner/relationship
2. What you can or cannot stand
3. The things that are important to you
4. Those things you can or cannot compromise on

Basically, these experiences teach you so much about yourself and relationships in general. You’re better able to spot certain traits that you don’t want to deal with.

Personally, I know that my dealings with a semi f*ck boy have left me certain that I am worth so much more. That I deserve better. That I have so much to give and so much to offer. This realization obviously came once I was done hurting and after I had moved past the “I hate him, he’s such a foolish boy” stage, and then I was able to see that he was the one with the problems, not me. Only then was I able to stop being so hard on myself, and blaming myself for how things went down.
It is not easy to get to this point. I was only able to by the grace of God, and with the help of friends and family who constantly remind me that I am worth so much more.

So, if you’ve ever dealt with a f*ck boy, I’m really sorry; but try not to dwell on the bad experience and all that negativity. Instead, embrace the lessons and use those to make better choices and decisions moving forward.

Photo Credit: Starsstudio | Dreamstime.com

Hi I'm Lota, and I believe that love is the greatest gift of all. I am Nigerian, and my family and friends mean the world to me. I enjoy having great conversations and listening to people's opinions. I am a Nollywood connoisseur of sorts, and a lover of God, food, and everything pink! Writing helps me relax and process my thoughts. Professionally, I am in pursuit of a career that merges my passion for healthcare and entertainment media. Visit my blog at Lota Relates. Watch my vlogs here.

6 Comments

  1. Anonymous T

    July 1, 2017 at 2:55 pm

    Life is all about experiences . I’ve dated some not so good guys . But like you’ve said all I’ve figured it out is what I don’t want. In fact I look back and say thank God it didn’t work out . I’m with someone who I know he’s the one ( I don’t know how ) . He’s different from what I usually date. He’s the ying to my yang. I’m not in love with him yet but I know it’ll happen. Maybe I’m thinking too rationally. Everything else with us is good. We’ve got same goals, they align well together . Our careers are both amazing . We’ve both made good investments and are expecting returns . He pushed me to become a better person.our jobs make us travel a lot and somehow we still make it work. He’s just a good guy. Not perfect cus I can type about that one too. Lol. Neither am I.
    Okay let me stop blabbing .
    But I finally found what I wanted after having been through some not so great guys .
    I’m not mad at those guys cus with all the experiences , I built character and learned who I was and what I wanted and really deserved .
    So yeah ….

  2. Ottawa Queen

    July 1, 2017 at 3:32 pm

    Still doesn’t make sense!! However you try to put it. Why must we go through all that in the first place? How about living a life where everyone acts humane and displays kindness and love towards others in ways they themselves wish to be treated? Because u came out of a bad relationship to learn from the lessons, doesn’t mean another person did or will do. How about those who their lives ain’t the same anymore psychologically, those who died, those who got struck with disabilities, those who are still traumatised from their relationship experiences etc? Sorry to say, my two cents anyways. I don’t believe we should in any ways “appreciate” such wicked people, from whatever perspective you look at it. And for the so-called “fuck boys” who will stumble upon this article, what message exactly are u passing across to them? To continue in their attitudes, afterall the ladies are now learning to get over it with time and be stronger as a much better person? I can treat a lady anyhow I feel, afterall every guy acts this way and our ladies will definitely move on from their experiences? C’mon. . .this can never apply to all. I’d rather address the issue to be curbed rather than nursing it.

    • Teeto

      June 20, 2018 at 5:59 am

      God bless you. The so called f**kboys will get their rewards someday.

  3. Somebody

    July 1, 2017 at 7:06 pm

    It’s important to note that some of these F**k Boys are Sociopaths moving from victim to victim and hurting people beyond repair.

    Before you get into a relationship, ask questions, not just to Him/Her but also people who know their pasts.

    These Sociopaths are the worst kinds. They are demons disguised as angels. They never change. They get into a relationship with you, sweep you off your feet, sell you a dream and suddenly change on you.

    Bellanaija please do a post on Sociopaths and how to identify them. It is by the grace of God, I am still standing.

    Given how much this person hurt me and changed suddenly on me, it is only because of God, I am standing.

  4. Ome

    July 1, 2017 at 10:32 pm

    I am thankful for f**kgirls too they taught me what to avoid in a woman.

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