BN Prose: When Mom and Dad Say No by Temiloluwa Adebayo

Posted on Tuesday, November 20th, 2012 at 8:00 AM

By Temiloluwa

Niran and I met a year ago during one of those Nigerian Job forums in England. It was an exhibition featuring some of the best employers in Nigeria and it was a ‘strictly by invitation’ event. So we all pretty much felt honoured to be there and there was this look of respect you had for the next guy because you know immediately that he must be an academic G.

It was at the Peak Island Bank stand that I saw him. I was asking the lady at the stand if they would employ a Law Graduate with an MBA but no BL (Nigerian Law School degree) when he stood beside me eagerly waiting for their response.  I looked up at him and could not but smile. I’ve always had a problem with fine guys, they were my  Achilles Heel. He was no exception. Tall, slim built, yet muscular, fine facial structure. He was very clean looking. The lady had started responding but there I was, still admiring God’s work of art. Quickly, I slipped out of my reverie in time to catch the last few sentences. Then I promptly moved on to the next stand, embarrassed at myself.

‘You didn’t get what she said, did you?’, a deep voice said behind me. Lo and behold, it was Mr. Hotstuff again.

‘Erm, some of it’, I mumbled.

‘I noticed you were a bit distracted and given her open ended, non-specific response, I would have expected some sort of questions to follow from you’.

He then went on to explain the lady’s response to my question. To be honest, I really didn’t care for what he was saying as much as how he was saying it. He was really hot.

I found out he was doing his Masters at Jesus College, Cambridge after having finished with a First Class and also second best in his year in Ife. It took a while to become friends because I had to first of all get over my infatuation with him. That took a few weeks of totally ignoring his calls and refusing his self invite to Manchester to see me and also refusing to go to Cambridge to see him. I don’t know when exactly or how exactly it happened, but I stopped being so ‘star struck’ and started seeing him in a normal light.

The next time we saw was during the Festival of Life programme in London two months after we first met. He had come with his church bus and my friends and I had driven from Manchester because we could not make the timing of our church bus. We planned to meet up during the Testimony Time and we did. We strolled to the very back to get water and I realised I was nice and easy around him this time. We talked for a few minutes and went back to our different seats.

When he offered to come see me the following weekend. We went to see a movie and then had dinner at a lovely Asian restaurant. On Sunday, he met up with me and we went to church together, had lunch afterwards.

As I waited for a bus back to my house, I was reeling with excitement. I could not believe what great time I had had. You see, as someone who likes fine guys, I know very well that most of them are either cocky, stuck up, stupid, unintelligent, proud, taken or all of the above. So you can imagine my feeling of good fortune when I found out that Adeniran Ola-Baker possessed not one of those vices. He was so humble, respectful, kind, intelligent and fun to be with. I also found out he comes from a family of geniuses. His father is an alumnus of Oxford and currently a dean at Unilag. His mom has 2 Bachelors and 2 Masters degrees. His younger  sister was in the final year of her PhD programme at Nottingham at just 26! I felt a bit intimidated but he was quick to credit it all not to their hard work or natural gift but to God’s grace.

We carried on with our friendship for another 3 months till he asked me to be his girlfriend with the hope of one day becoming his wife. I was so excited. I said  a fast yes. I had prayed about him and felt so much peace in the relationship. It was as if God had come to wipe away my tears because I had kissed a few frogs in my 25 years on earth.

I was indeed in a very happy place.

Our Masters programmes ended and it was time to go home.  I had met his sister, ‘Lope. She was not the geek I expected her to be. In fact, she was exceptionally fashion conscious and an ‘it’ girl for a PhD student. I just assumed all PhDers were geek glasses wearing and braces wearing. We became good friends during the  period I was in the UK.

Niran and I were on the same flight back home. My mom and 2 sisters came to pick me up whilst his mom and dad both came to pick him. That was the first introduction of our families and it was short and sweet. Two weeks after arriving Nigeria, he invited me to his parents’ to meet them properly. It was such an ordeal deciding what to wear. My mom had said ‘no English outfit’ but my big sister was the other voice saying, ‘be yourself and wear what you’re comfortable in’. In the end, my mom won and I wore a really nice yet simple Ankara dress and kitten heeled pumps. I had my hair in a bun and wore my favourite earrings.

His mom was extremely welcoming. She apologised that her husband  was on a call upstairs and would be joining us shortly. It was a very relaxed meeting and it went well. If Niran’s mom is described as friendly. His dad would be described as funny. He told one joke after the other and had me in stitches all afternoon. It was also interesting to watch his mom laugh so hard at his jokes after 32 years of marriage. It was a good afternoon.

On our drive back as Niran dropped me off, I asked,

‘Niran, I saw another girl featuring a lot in your older family albums. I thought ‘Lope was your only sister’. He went quiet for a while and I felt bad thinking maybe she had died and I was scraping at healing wounds.

‘Yes I do. We are three kids. She’s older than I am. She’s 31 this year’.

‘Oh wow! What’s her name? Where does she live? Is she also a genius like you guys?’, I asked smiling, relieved she was alive.

‘Her name is is ‘Lade, Omolade. She lives here in Lagos. She has some problems’, he said dismissively.

‘Oh, what kind of problems’, I probed.

‘She was committed to the mental institution two weeks to her Bar Finals when she was just 20. Last year was her 10th year in the Psychiatric Home. She graduated with a First Class from Ife at 19 but never got called to the Bar’. He said this as a matter-of-factly with zero emotion. I was literally open-mouthed for 5 minutes or so.

‘I’m so sorry’, I gushed, not knowing the appropriate words to speak. He dismissed it and apologised for not telling me all along. We had already gotten to my house by then. He dropped me off and left.

As soon as I got home, my sisters and my mom were in the living room excitedly waiting for news of how the day went.

‘It went so well. His parents are so cool. I had a great time. I found out he has an older sister who’s not well’, I said of the meeting at Niran’s.

‘Eh yah, what’s wrong with her?’ Bisodun asked.

‘Erm, she’s ill’, I mumbled. How does one say it? I thought to myself.

‘What kind of illness?’ Impatient Lara quipped.

‘She’s insane. She went mad during her Bar Finals 11 years ago’, I blurted. To hell with the political correctness.

‘Oh my God’, ‘What?’, ‘Damn!’, the three of them said at the same time. We all bemoaned the poor girl’s fate for a while and then changed the topic.

At about 1:30am, my dad and mom strolled into my room, interrupting my Dexter.

My dad was fumbling with his fingers. My mom on the other hand, sat down on my bed and began,

‘My dear, your dad and I have discussed things long and hard and there’s no way we are going to sit back and watch insects crawl into our eyes. You are a young girl and you have your whole life ahead of you. You can’t marry into a family where madness runs. It is hereditary and I won’t have a mad man for a son-in-law nor have mad grandkids. You need to break it off with him and fast too.’ My mom was emotionless. She spoke as if she was a newscaster speaking about some remote girl’s fate and not like she had just shattered my very being.

I sat there mute, looking at my dad as if he should help me and save me from my mom’s unreasonableness. ‘Dad’, I began.

My dad cut me off saying, ‘We spoke with Aunty Biola whose husband is a psychiatrist at John Hopkins as you know. He told us unequivocally that madness induced by studying is hereditary. I’m sorry dear but I withdraw my blessings on your relationship’.

I was devastated as I watched my dad speak. My mom is known to make decrees and still change her mind. But my dad is soft and so hardly speaks BUT when he does, we all know no Jupiter can make him change his mind.

 ***

I confided in Lara about it. She’s a non-conformist and I chose her because I knew she would support me. She did but also blamed me for telling them, accusing me of never learning from my past experiences of how badly they handle sensitive information.

I eventually spoke with Bisodun. Bisodun has always been the family oracle, very intelligent and also extremely rational and pragmatic. She is also a lover of God so I knew I would hear the truth from her, even if painful. Here were her words,

‘Sis, this is indeed a toughie. Whilst I believe in the power of prayers regarding these issues of hereditary diseases, the truth is our parents’ faith is not on that level. And you must get parental consent. You absolutely must. I don’t support you going ahead not because of the disease of the mind of his sister but because of dad and mom’s resolve. Hold it off for now and begin to pray hard. I’ll join you and we can even start fasting from tomorrow. Now Sis, our prayer is not for mom and dad to change their minds, no. Instead, it is for God’s will to prevail.

I love Niran and you together and when I place him besides the losers you have been with, I am personally pained at the thought of you guys not being together. However, sometimes, the devil brings a counterfeit of God’s plan for our lives.  There still will be but guess what, God’s work cannot be hindered. So if it indeed is God’s plan for you, we need to call on God and tell Him, Oh God, you gave me this and the world wants to destroy your gift and take it from me.

You need to quit this starvation you’ve put yourself on and all this weeping.This is our period of inquiring. Let’s first of all seek God’s will, the rest will follow. The heart of the king is in the hands of the Lord and like a river of water, He can turn it as he so wishes. So babes, forget mom and dad for now, they are not the real matter at issue. When God says yes, they dare not say no so let us hear God say his yes first.

 ***

As great as Bisodun’s words were, I’m still torn. There’s no way God can say no to a love so true. Why give me someone that brings me so much joy only to snatch him away? Why should I leave Niran because of fear, not even mine, my unbelieving parents’? He is not mad and can never be mad and I know I can not have a mad child.

According to Bisodun, I’m to tell Niran I want to seek God’s face for something for a while and during that period, I’m not to communicate with him. She says I need a severance from him in order to hear God speak clearly. That is easy to say and I know myself, it is just impossible to pull it off. Plus, our relationship has never been that way. We discuss all our problems and pray for each other so this ‘problem’ I have that requires solitary confinement would definitely have him raising an eye brow.

So many questions running through my head: my parents are not such strong believers. Is it not praying parents you obey implicitly? Is his sister’s illness really hereditary? Why did I open my big mouth to tell my mom? Why did I not make my parents find out after the wedding? Should I go crazy and get married without their approval? Should I open up to Niran about my predicament? Would that not make him judge my family? Should I go ahead and have a clean break from him whilst I pray?

Photo credit: bobbeethehater.blogspot.com
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Temiloluwa Adebayo blogs at  http://temiville.wordpress.com/

Be Sociable, Share!

Tags: , ,

  • Custom Search
  • 68 Comments on “BN Prose: When Mom and Dad Say No by Temiloluwa Adebayo”

    Comments
    • Miss T November 20, 2012 at 8:37 AM

      You should be thankful you have a prayerful sis. I will give anything to have one like yours. Everything she said makes sense. If it is the will of God,everything will fall in place and you will be shocked. Instead of blaming yourself for speaking out about his sister’s case just see it that it may have been the will of Godfor you to have spoken. I have had this same parent issue about marriage(not mental reason sha). 3years after my break up with the guy, after seeking Gods face on the issue and the inevitable break up,my joy knows no bound eachtime I think of what my life would have been If I disobeyed.(sometimes our parents are wrong about issues like this )
      Prayer is the best way out of this. If it is Gods will for you to be together things will fall in place if it is not the will of God, you will see the signs.

      • Purpleicious Babe November 20, 2012 at 11:22 AM

        I concur…

        I could almost sense it would lead this way.. awwww sobs…cute story. I am not too sure if its real or fictional…. but well done temi. I agree with Bisodun, pray but honesty is also the best policy. So pray for wisdom too cos erm i like to think everyone we appreciate deserves to know the truth…esp if in a relationship as intimate and precious as urs.. i like to think sha. xx

        http://lifeinstagesdoz.blogspot.co.uk/

      • lulu November 20, 2012 at 9:07 PM

        I agree, please go with what your sister said, take time even months away from Niran and seek the face of God. Marriage is not a joking matter, it is something that requires months, even years of prayers and fasting. There is one thing I am certain of in all my years on this earth, and it is the fact that PRAYER still works. Only God has the best intentions for us, (I know the THOUGHTS that I have towards YOU saith the Lord, thoughts of prosperity and not of disaster to give you an expected end). Please put every other person’s opinion on mute and turn to Jesus. I will be praying for you. God bless. MayowaT

    • nana November 20, 2012 at 8:55 AM

      Listen to your sister and pary pray pray.

    • saphyah November 20, 2012 at 9:08 AM

      :-(

    • Tiki November 20, 2012 at 9:14 AM

      Your parents wanting the best for you, and KNOWING what is best for you, are two different and sometimes unrelated things. Imagine how you would feel if this boy rejected you because your sister was mad. How would you feel?
      I think Bisodun’s advice is the best – be sure that God wants this for you. If He confirms Niran as your man, I think you should choose him over your parents. Either way, I think Niran should be told about it. This is a test not only of your love for each other, but how understanding and united you can be as a couple in the face of external pressure from family.

      • yasmine November 20, 2012 at 8:16 PM

        my point exactly…….. exactly what i said. ones parents advice is wisdom but limited to their own experiences…which are limited to them alone.

    • shaday November 20, 2012 at 9:34 AM

      oro re o. oro re o. oro ree o repete…prayer is the key.

    • Ablawoman November 20, 2012 at 9:38 AM

      One question please, must all these couples always meet abroad or schooled abroad. Most of these stories location is usually on repeat. Me thinks we ought to demystify all these illusions and come down to mother earth. Temiloluwa, Gods wisdom is mans stupidity. Let D Holy Spirit lead you and remember that He’s also d comforter in whatever decisions you eventually make.

    • Omotoyosi November 20, 2012 at 9:43 AM

      Hmmmmmmmm…. I’ll advice you listen to what your sister suggested. Its not easy but it will be worth it if you take time to talk to God about it. I could have been the other way round. God has the final say, he’s the one that leads without misleading, so please and please, let God take the wheels of your battle. Its well

    • raffy November 20, 2012 at 9:47 AM

      Trust God,its the very best HE will give to you.. And if Niran is,yes surely everything will fall into place.

    • ruth November 20, 2012 at 10:19 AM

      the bible says “children obey ur parents IN the Lord”,nw hw do u knw if their decision is in d Lord?its wen u seek 4 a solution in christ. there’s smth i belive in “only tell ur problems 2 sm1 who cn do smth about it”.in this case its obviously God who knws&sees all tings so allow him 2 solve dis issue,give him time

    • efe November 20, 2012 at 10:21 AM

      If it is the will o f God,nothing on earth can change it.
      Prayers will make it happen,and never blame your self for letting them know.
      Something similar happened to a cousin of mine and it was like it would never happen,but l kept on saying to him,if it is the WILL Of God ,they would marry and today they are happily married with a baby BOY.
      Yours will not be hard or impossible for GOD as long as it is HIS WILL.
      Just keep calm and be positive,l know what it is like when one is in love genuinely,every other person(s) does not matter but parental consent is important in marriage.God bless your heart girl

    • Italian Princess November 20, 2012 at 10:49 AM

      We’re still on the same page that this is fiction right?

      • tosin o November 20, 2012 at 12:12 PM

        my thots exactly…is this real or fiction?

    • Nomy November 20, 2012 at 10:49 AM

      Lai Lai! I don marry Niran finish! Madness in the family ko, madness ni! Before asking Bisodun, you should have sought God’s face to know if its His will to marry Niran and after that no madness will stop you. Is it not perfectly normal people with no signs of madness in their family that still give birth to kids with down syndrome, autistic kids too? Everything hangs on God alone, you can never tell whats going to come, so since all na prayers, why not go right ahead!?

      • partyrider November 20, 2012 at 8:10 PM

        Lmao @ Lai Lai! I don marry Niran finish! Madness in the family ko, madness ni! :D

    • sunshyne November 20, 2012 at 10:53 AM

      Its a good thing that you spoke to your family about this, but your parents should understand that no one’s perfect. First of all, he was truthful about the situation, he opened up to you even when he was clearly uncomfortable talking about it, of which he could have easily lied about. They should cut him some slack. Parents shouldn’t stand in the way of their children’s happiness. As far as i am concerned. this is not enough reason to leave someone who you are happy with.

    • Omolola November 20, 2012 at 10:56 AM

      Something similar happenin to me( not madness oo), though my parents only advised me to leave the relationship buh this man is the most wonderful man I v ever met. Wud continue praying and I pray God’s will is done.

    • climax November 20, 2012 at 11:33 AM

      Hmm, I can relate so well, mine was on denominational differences, my hubby is anglican, and my family is staunch Catholic, my dad is a knight too, my dear, it was not easy but it was just meant to be,my father threatened hail and high water,but I did a spiritual journey with my mum, I guess the Lord had already sealed the union, it took 18months to finally convince daddy, and my joy knew no bounds when we knelt before him on our trad wedding and he blessed us from his heart, it was such a long blessing…..l0l. And that period proved something to my dad, this guy loved his daughter, cos hubby went through the rejection loving me and insisting that I would be his wife. Pray hard dear, if God says yes, every other thing will fall into place. We are expecting our first child now :D

    • Gbemmy November 20, 2012 at 11:41 AM

      But is this real or friction ….. It’s so difficult differentiating btw real and friction

    • Odior November 20, 2012 at 12:23 PM

      Maybe is a featured fiction tale,whichever,this has always be my opinion on issues of relationship that both parties involve should at all time tell each other anything and everything even the slightest fear or doubt.having said that I will emphatically say to the Lady to tell her to be husband her sudden fear and doubt brought by her parent. And note please the prayer shouldn’t be one sided,infact this issue is more about Niran than about your Parent….since you said Niran is equally a christian tell him

    • purplepearl November 20, 2012 at 12:45 PM

      If this is real, then i am not the only one going through similar situation, May Gods’ wisdom be made available to us

    • zayt November 20, 2012 at 12:51 PM

      loool @ friction
      ok ma bad!
      temiloluwa, i totally agree with your sis. pray, pray, pary!!! All will be well (big hug)

    • Zainab November 20, 2012 at 1:02 PM

      Is this a true story ? If yes…then pray for the will of God to be done. If not….why fantasize about some fake story.

    • madam November 20, 2012 at 1:21 PM

      This is the exact issue am facing now, my fiance is from a polygamus/broken home and my parents feesl my fiance will end up taking after his father.
      Am so confussed, have prayed, consulted so many people.
      I keep wondering why good people should be judged by their family setting or did he ever choose to come from such a family. Why is life so unfair.God I need your help hmmmmmmmm

    • Broach November 20, 2012 at 1:22 PM

      This brought tears to my eyes as I read it. I am in a similar situation. My boo is Yoruba and I did tell my mum that we are really serious and seeing where our relationship leads us. She objected cos of his tribe and I told her that is not a problem for me.

      Afterwards she now accepted and decided to pray about it. I myself have been praying too for God’s will. My boo isnt perfect, we get along very well, understand each other and communicate well. My mum came back and said she prayed with my aunt and a lady in her church and God told them my boo isnt for me, that things would not go well in our relationship in the future. I am broken about this report, but I am still praying to God. I am asking why will God let me cross paths with my boo twice, why allow me invest my time and emotion. I had not been in a relationship for a year and six months before he came along as I wanted to take my time. It wasnt love a first sight, but we grew to where we are today – friendship and now lovers. My boo loves me and I love him as well. We talk about the future and are praying, we really want to be together, but we first want to be sure while growing our relationship.

      The report my mum gave me has affected me, all I do is cry and ask God why this is happeneing to me. I have not told my boo, but he sences something is amiss.

      My problem is that, it was this same aunt and prayer partner that discouraged my sister to marry the man she really wanted too. She ended up marrying the man they said God confirmed and the marriage did not last for a year, sadly my sister is a single parent now. There was even a time a man in my past came and said he wanted to marry me, i said I will seek the face of God, I wasnt convinced about him and this same mum an aunt said he is God’s will..I felt it was cos he was igbo and from my mum’s place.

      I dont want to end up like that, I have not had any negative conviction about my boo. I do not know what to do again, I still pray but I am discouraged and hurting. Please can you advice me readers.

      • tbn November 20, 2012 at 2:21 PM

        My dear I will advice you to follow your heart in this case. This is after you have personally prayed to God about the relationship, and there’s peace in your heart to go ahead with it. Your mum and aunt are not God and besides are not reliable enough to make such a decision for you especially as they led your sister into marrying someone who she ended up breaking up with in just a year. Marriage is not an institution to enter into lightly.

      • Purpleicious Babe November 22, 2012 at 11:17 PM

        awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

        E-HUGS…..

        i dont know what to say this is not my department or area of specialty, you said you are praying. Pray for wisdom on how to tackle the situation I guess.
        Also get your sister to speak to your mum after all, she is evidence of the so called confirmation that has ruined alot of homes….

        Ndo.. pele.. xxxxxx I pray it works out well and God will be done.

        http://lifeinstagesdoz.blogspot.co.uk/

        xxxxxxxx

      • Concerned Sister November 26, 2012 at 2:12 PM

        My prayer partner that is also a catholic priest will always tell you to pray for yourself, he will however guide you. at the end of the prayers, you will see the truth yourself, in my case the serious one stayed on and others left for no reason. I dont believe in this pray n tell thing that people do o, i believe in praying maself and looking on God for confirmation, He doesn’t fail. In ur case, judging from what happened to your sis, biko tell them you all need to re-pray that if the guy isnt your’s, that he may leave for no reason. learn to pray urself, dont leave ur future in the hands of others.

      • DannyK December 13, 2012 at 6:24 PM

        Similar situation, broken relationship. ……All in all, I did not create my self and I know eventually what will be will be for me.

        Now my advice to you: I have a problem with opinions of people, self-centred people at that. To me, this is clearly just a mean thing for your mother to repeat. Seeing as the so called ”man for your sister” left her nowhere, I would expect she would have learnt from that.

        I understand she is your mother. However, remember she did not create you. She only brought you to this world, and really and truly is just as clueless on this earth as you are. The same God she is seeking is the same God you should seek. I am quite upset on your behalf.

        I’m not too sure if I even handled my own situation well, but all that keeps me going is ”WHAT WILL BE WILL EVENTUALLY BE”. and please, tell your boyfriend. there is power in unity. you two should pray to God…..it’s unfair to leave him out. put yourself in his shoes

    • fademi November 20, 2012 at 1:24 PM

      *In grandma dewilo’s voice* listen with your heart, you will understand :)

    • Emmanuel November 20, 2012 at 2:14 PM

      I had to let go a girl I really loved, because of this parents opposition to hereditary illness. Her parents pointedly told her that they will not give there blessings to our relationship, because am SS while she is AA. They really put fear into the girl.
      Please if this story is real, just let Niran know his fate in time. Your loss will certainly be someone else gains. By His Grace, I moved on and with a lady who is head over heels in Love with me.
      My dear, you can take a leap of Faith or allow Fear to make you question yourself in years to come “if you actually had taken the right decision”. It is your Choice, because even if you hear God clearly you will still doubt if it’s the will of God.

    • Olori November 20, 2012 at 2:33 PM

      The sister has spoken with the voice of the Holy Spirit. Seek the will of God and He will make all things work for the fulfillment of His will, no matter what the public opinion is on the issue. God help.
      http://sayolori.wordpress.com

    • mimi November 20, 2012 at 2:58 PM

      This reminds me of a Nollywood movie where the mum refused her daughter to marry her boyfriend who was recently crippled due to a road accident only for her to get in an accident a few weeks later and become crippled herself. No one knows tomorrow if you truly love this man and want to marry him then pray for God to touch the hearts of your parents not to block your destiny

    • Joan November 20, 2012 at 3:08 PM

      I’ve been there, the whole parental thing. Though mine had nothing to do with an illness, it was the difference in tribes that my people were against. That was kinda their main issue, besides other things they pointed out to me. There were fights and a whole lotta drama. Took me nearly a year to step back and pray. Funny thing is till today no one knows the real reason why I broke it off. My parents think I was obeying them, everyone else including the guy thinks the same too. But I wasn’t. I saw something no one else saw and I’m so so thankful.
      I’m single now, some days are tougher than others. It’s hard not to wonder what will happen next, considering the fact that this guy was ready to marry and all. But am I glad I took that decision? 100%.
      My point? Take time off, PRAY ON YOUR OWN, AND LET GOD SPEAK TO YOU DIRECTLY. Parental consent is important, don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. At the same time, be sure that the path you are going down is God’s will for you. Mental illness is not your portion or that of your children.
      The blessings of God make rich and adds no sorrow to it…literally. Whatever is God’s will for you will always bring peace to you and yours :)

      • Joan November 20, 2012 at 5:23 PM

        BN please approve my comment na lol. Thank you. :)

    • Partyrider November 20, 2012 at 4:16 PM

      This is not a prose again now…

    • Naveah November 20, 2012 at 4:19 PM

      I love how these mommies and aunties and church members will pray for a person and the answer always will align with their personal opinions, it is never different o PUHLEEEASSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! E consign the woman or man who doesn’t wait for God to whisper to them but choses to take the words of others. God dey speak to all of us o IF we open up the ears of our spirit. We all have intuition but we always seem to place more emphasis on the pious church sister as if God speaks to her more than the rest of the world. This is what happened to my cousin, her mother took two pictures of two different guys to some person in the church, the person prayed and said which one she was “told” is the right guy. One year, one child, many contentious meetings and several court visits later, she is divorced and PAYING HIM child support. He refuses to get a job, he says he will babysit the child and now she is one closed off, bitter, resentful, envious person. The thing is that I was older than she was, I didn’t get married until I was 35, I remember her mother calling me and telling me that I wasn’t married because I was not conservative enough, I wear short skirt, I show cleavage, I wear wigs, I dance with abandon at parties, nobody will marry me o so I need to change my life. I told her, I don’t believe in being a fraud. If a man see me how I am and doesn’t like it, he can keep trekking. Meanwhile, me and God already had our deal as to what I was looking for and He came through for me. Now, her daughter and she are dying with envy because unlike her daughter’s marriage, we no get wahala because of God’s grace, my inlaws adore me and my family adores my husband.

      Long tory to end, YOU HAVE ONE LIFE TO LIVE, LIVE IT FOR YOURSELF BECAUSE NO BODY WILL SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCE BUT YOU WHEN YOU CHOSE TO FOLLOW OTHER’S PATH FOR YOUR LIFE. LISTEN TO ADVICE, YES BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT IS RIGHT FOR YOU AND YOUR ALONE.

      • partyrider November 20, 2012 at 8:08 PM

        Let the church hold hands and say AMEN! preach sister!

    • Ajoke November 20, 2012 at 4:56 PM

      This was a nice one, good job

    • Ope November 20, 2012 at 5:48 PM

      Pray, pray and pray!

    • olori November 20, 2012 at 7:05 PM

      Whether or not the story is real or fictional, its beside the point, alot of people are going through these types of situations everyday. When you get to a point of dilemna, you should pray alot and God will answer in His time. Also pls tell Niran the situation on ground and you guys should pray together. God bless you.

    • TimiNY November 20, 2012 at 7:13 PM

      Its only in Nigeria that people pray and get instant answer from God and that leaves me wondering why we haven’t found answers to the problems in Nigeria…mschewww. I tire for the place sef

      • Purpleicious Babe November 22, 2012 at 11:26 PM

        Lool… interesting point….errrmm i think we have answers in Niaja oo I just think some of us are not ready to take the bold step and make sacrifices.. Besides, not everyone has the right mindset i.e. motives when it comes to prayer..

        http://lifeinstagesdoz.blogspot.co.uk/

      • vikky December 18, 2012 at 2:55 PM

        true my dear sis…ure soo right

    • iamfascinating November 20, 2012 at 8:02 PM

      sometimes, parents have a point, sometimes not. Pray!
      http://www.thestunninglady.blogspot.com

    • Na-U-biko November 21, 2012 at 4:58 AM

      Are you ready to love Niran for sanity or insanity? Yes, then you marry him. No, then you break it off. Do some research into his sister’s illness and come to your own conclusions. Then present your case to your parents in a very clear and factual manner. Forget all these random Johns Hopkins yarns. All of us go school. You don’t have to alienate your parents, you just have to appeal to the better angels of their nature. After all, nobody said that love was easy!

      • baanji olujomo November 23, 2012 at 10:03 PM

        simple and coinsiced

    • NNENNE November 21, 2012 at 5:22 AM

      Some mental illnesses do run in families.Your parents may be right or wrong.Marrying the guy would be gamble!

    • switlipz November 21, 2012 at 11:17 AM

      i think u shud just pray n b wiling to really listen n obey God no matter the outcome. the problem was dat u did not take time to ask God bout dis b4 the challenges came up, cos if u are suer dat he is God’s will for you, no insanity wud keep u guys apart.

    • Ayo November 21, 2012 at 1:47 PM

      well…i think u shouldnt ve blurted it out that way…there are milder ways of talking about mental illness…so many words to use instead of insane…see where ur blurting has gotten u too…My point do more research…pray…and take a risk cuz thats what life is all about

    • TEMILOLUWA November 22, 2012 at 1:47 PM

      I think this is some word to us as upcoming parents. The painful part of this story is how the mum said it with no tone of emotion whatsoever. There are ways to make your children understand your point and even though they might not be fully convinced, at that moment they should see a well of love in your eyes as you dice out whatever it is you have to say.
      Most comments have been well articulated, but most essentially whoever is in this dilemm should make sure that while praying you drop all emotional attachments, if not you would only hear what you want to hear. Its not enough to ask your partner to give you space. God help us and make us even better parents.

    • ktemi November 22, 2012 at 9:40 PM

      My hubby n I went through this as well…..though it was more to do with church/denomination. My normally friendly and loving christian parents will pretty much ignore him when he came to visit and all their church members made me so confused with their preachings of doom and that he wasn’t a christian. I knew what I saw and with the help of our pastors and some christian seminars, we learnt to pray and wait on the Lord and the Lord did it. They wanted to take over the wedding planning sef!!and now my husband is like a son to them….so if it is God’s will, He will make a way. If not, He will begin to open ur eyes to why it will not wor out but only TIME will tell

    • isoken November 24, 2012 at 2:47 PM

      Just pray and do your research before marriage.

    • segun November 24, 2012 at 8:16 PM

      considering the fact that this is usually a “girls/women cult” thing, and I don’t want to be the odd 1 out am spose to keep my opinion to myself. But I couldn’t help but remember one of my favorite phrase “the religiously influenced dogmatic optimism”, all nigerians do is pray. Maybe we should try sumtin different for a change, 30years from now it will be just you and ur decision. Your dad and mom won’t be there to do anytin again, so ma’am don’t make an induced decision. And pls don’t get me wrong….I don’t have anytin against prayers…..I only have sumtin against “too much of sumtin”. Pray but Think/Work more

    • mz_nerd November 26, 2012 at 5:32 PM

      how do people pray about their relationships when they r having sex with each??….just asking sha cos my mum said i shud pray to God about my present relationship before accepting his proposal.. but wen i kneel down and imagine all d stuff i ve done wit him *covers face*…..iWeak!

      • impervious November 27, 2012 at 11:33 AM

        lol
        It’s never too late to ‘stop’ and pray for the strength to wait, if you do decide that prayerfully he is the one. Pray for him too, oh…. men find it difficult to chill after they have already sampled some things. Good luck!

    • Mobolaji November 27, 2012 at 12:26 PM

      Hmmm….different stories. Mine is both denomination and tribe. i am yoruba and my bobo boo is from benue state. He is a Catholic and i attend a pentecostal church. My mom was like ‘Benue ke’ when i told her where he was from and later went with ‘Catholics are not serious Christians’ but after some time, she was like ‘i’ll pray about it’..that’s my mom for you o, Everything is spiritual. But i still pray for God’s will to be done. Love is not all that matters in a relationship, we are often blinded when we are in love…our parents could be wrong(sometimes) but turning deaf ears to them is not wise. I will strongly advice that you talk to God with an understanding and listen carefully..don’t be strong willed…His plans towards us are of good. Shalom!

    • lami November 28, 2012 at 3:44 PM

      I wil say what my mom tells every girl dat wants 2get married and that is inner peace,once u experience it whenever u see ur partner den trust me its d will of God.

    • jumy November 30, 2012 at 9:48 PM

      mental illness is a grand issue. i’ll advise you pray about your relationship with Niran if this story is really true. I have seen a woman crumble emotionally because she married a man who had a mental disorder. Her 17yr old son came home from school with the same disease, just the age it develops. Her husband showed signs way long into their marriage. If his sister is the only recorded mental case then it can happen to anybody due to academic stress or it could be a spiritual attack. We live in a society of meaningless spiritism to hurt one another.

    • nikky December 8, 2012 at 4:23 PM

      My dear I had the same issue but not madness but one that is more than madness,I cried ,refused to eat or go out but seeked the face of God n everything fell in place n now this our eight years in marriage with blessings from God,so I think ur sis is right seek answers from God n everything will fall in place.

    • Omotola December 25, 2012 at 12:14 PM

      Oh my God why do parent do this to their children, because his sister is mentally not ok now it means their child can’t be associated with him, let us all be realistic on sensitive issues, if you ask her again has any man treated her like he does, can you find all this package in another man in all your life. My dear wake up stop been a pain. ……Nigerian can be very sentimental but ah if I where you I will seek God approval not your parent because only God brought you guys together and why should anyone just take it away because of sentiment. Am disappointed.
      It’s hard to find love and God fearing Nigeria boy .my advice is follow your heart. Pray alot but am pained.

    • Stellamaris December 28, 2012 at 12:36 AM

      Hey dear,tnk God 4 ur sis’s advice,prayer is d key nd d master one at dt, nd so u av 2 fast nd pray well. Abt niran,u wld av 2 tek d pain nd tell him u nid 2 sort out some issues, sinc u lv him,u wnt fully concentrate havin 2 hear hs voice most of d tym. Wishin u God’s best

    • fisayo January 7, 2013 at 10:48 AM

      hmmmmm…… its just best to stick to God’s will. God’s will always prevails…no matter how situations may look. We have a more sure word of prophecy from God. I also feel we should know the difference between wanting a man for his looks and what he has and his status, and also that he is ‘safe’ as opposed to really being in love. is the writer sure the reason she is holding on is not because he’s a fine boy with the good shots and stuff. cheers.

    • Amina January 29, 2013 at 4:31 PM

      Personally, i would advise she goes ahead to marry Niran, that is after getting the consent of her parents. Things do not always work that way that is, because Niran’s sister has a psychiatric problem does not mean Niran may someday run mad or any of their children could. Pray to God for direction on your own and once you are convince d about marrying him then go ahead. We are mere mortals and should stop trying to predict the future.