Chika Oduah: Where The “V” Counts
Posted on Wednesday, March 6th, 2013 at 9:50 AMBy Chika Oduah
Mothers lay their daughters on mattresses, spread their legs as wide as “Vs,” push their fingers inside their daughters’ vaginas and measure the depth of entry into the soft mounds of flesh.
If the fingers go in too deeply, the girl is not a virgin.
The daughter did not keep her vagina clean and fresh so she will no longer be perceived as clean and fresh. She will be described with adjectives like spoiled and used. Her vagina has been used. Throw it away. Throw her away.
In a society where a woman is worth the condition of her vagina, women and girls start to believe it—that their vagina counts. Boys and men believe it. Public officials and religious leaders believe it. The society begins to promote a sort of consecration of the vagina.
If a father finds out that his daughter’s vagina has been spoiled he could remove her from the homestead. Or perhaps, the father is “progressive” and will pretend he does not know that his daughter is spoiled until her belly begins to grow and her movements become lethargic. Then, he cannot ignore it. Then, his desire to kick her out, damn her, maim her, kill her or marry her to the town drunkard is justified.
In such societies, men write books with titles like “The Good Woman,” “The Holy Wife,” “A Woman of Destiny,” “A Woman Under The Covering of Her Husband,” “How To Be A Virtuous Woman,” “The Fulfillment of Womanhood.”
Girls and women read these books and they want others to know that they are reading those books.
An adolescent girl was raped by her two older brothers one day. When her parents found out, they agreed to kill their little daughter to cleanse the family of shame. They planned the assassination. The scheme was for the sons and father to leave the house. The mother would take care of everything.
Mother took her daughter to a bed in the house – perhaps rubbing the girl’s soft black hair along the way – and she laid her olive-skinned daughter down. She lifted two pillows into the air and then pressed them down over her daughter’s face. The girl kicked and jerked all over the place. Mother used her hands and the pillows to shove the life of her daughter out of her neck. The girl died by asphyxiation.
This true incident happened in Iran. A Persian university professor of mine chronicled the details to the class. The dead girl had been her neighbor in a country where “honor killings” are a part of life. A Google search of the phrase honor killings will yield more than 35 million results and the practice does exist in Nigeria.
Nigeria is a society where men jail vaginas. They control them with glee and tickle them until they become moist. Too moist means she is not a virgin because the excessive moisture is evidence of her enjoyment of the tickle. Moist enough means she is a good girl. You treat her carefully so you will not “mess her up.”
In fact, an entire community, or at least the designated decision makers, can have a stake in girls’ vaginas. That’s why elders can charge a higher bride price if the girl is “unspoiled.” The unspoken message conveyed is that the woman does not control her own body. It is for society to monitor and suppress, praise and scorn.
Pastors can refuse to wed a female church member who is having sex with a man she loves. Even the suspicion of sexual involvement can prevent a Christian woman from getting married in the church she attends. Let her stay outside and commit sin because that is what Jesus would have done, they suppose.
A prevailing rule mandating that only virgins can be married in the church really means that the lady must be a virgin. The man, who really cares? It’s the vagina that counts.
Some seldom call upon The Virgin Mary without including the word, “virgin” before “Mary.” Would she even be in the Bible if she were not believed to have been a virgin? The mother of God’s son should be “clean” so we have made her so by depicting her as an unspoiled woman, who had a baby. She would not have been worth anything as a childless wife. We do not talk much about Mary’s life after Jesus because it does not matter much. It was her virginity that captures approval. It’s the vagina that counts and the Virgin Mary once had a holy one.
There are Nigerian women who cringe at the suggestion of wearing a light gold wedding gown, or a champagne-tinted wedding gown because she wants to show the world that her vagina is “pure white,” wrapped in swaths of lace and satin, chained to God and to her future husband. She walks down the aisle in a pure white gown. At the reception, she dances the night away in pure white. Not ivory, pure white. The world must know that she is a fresh one to marvel at. The man beside her at the wedding altar whom she will call husband from then on, he is wearing the blackest of black suits. His bowtie is gray. His shoes are black. His socks are black, too.
In the Nigeria that I live in, men want fresh girls, just as they like fresh fish, but the girl must be fresher than what is in the soup. She has to be fresh as a baby. So children become brides, plucked from age 13, expected to spawn children at age 14, scorned if she dies in labor. Men want virgins on earth and virgins in heaven – or paradise – so they line up to bomb, kill and commit themselves to a god reckoned to enjoy the scent of spilled blood and the sound of an unfolding massacre as long as the dead are infidels. Some men want virgins in hell, but they will never find any there. All virgins go to heaven.
Nigerian men sit in stuffy airplanes for hours, coming from Belgium, London, Australia and New York, coming home to Nigeria. And in those planes, one imagines the freshness of the unspoiled village lady who will become his wife. He has never met her face-to-face, only in photographs did he see her and in fleeting phone conversations, he heard her homely voice. The Nigerian ladies abroad have all gone wild, so Nigerian men go to their home towns for a dewy-faced, high school graduate who cooks the best vegetable soup in town. Best of all, she is unspoiled. The joy of wedding an unspoiled woman can only be experienced. So the guy’s friends request vacation time from their jobs and venture to Nigeria to experience it, too.
The 2002 protest of Muslim youth who opposed the holding of the Miss World pageant in Nigeria did exactly what those youth likely wanted it to do: take those worldly girls out of Nigeria. Perhaps the presence of so many perceived spoiled women would have brought a curse on the land and everyone’s cows would have fallen over and died of an incurable plague. (In some instances, cows are more valuable than females.) That incident, which left more than 100 people dead according to the BBC, revealed a sick truth about Nigeria and the males who were offended over a ThisDay newspaper editorial that made reference to the Prophet Mohammed in regards to the Miss World contestants.
Violence against women has increased worldwide. The stories of 14-year-old Malala Yousufzai of Pakistan, Anene Booysen of South Africa, the 23-year-old woman who was raped on a bus in India are just a handful of the millions of women around the world with a similar experience. Women equality is a cause that Malawi President Joyce Banda and former U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton stand for.
“…Where violence and abuse keep women out of the workforce and drag down communities for generations, fostering women’s economic participation grows national GDPs and personal incomes,” Clinton commented.
Female circumcision, domestic violence, honor killings, acid burnings, dowry deaths…all the violence comes down to the vagina, and the control of it. Who knew that two plump lips of skin could wreck so much havoc and hysteria? No wonder historically, it was kept under a lock and key in the form of chastity belts in some societies.
The vagina has traits. It looks like flower petals, yet smells like a servant. In societies where the vagina counts, a female is a servant to the males around her. In the home, at the workplace, at events, the female is expected to serve people and to be aware of that expectation. At anytime, a guy can turn to a woman in a particular setting and ask for a drink. She is supposed to go fetch him a drink.
In societies where the vagina counts, no matter how well a female is packaged with luxurious clothing and jewelry, a sound education or a philanthropic spirit, the condition of the vagina is still considered. So let’s consult the Vagina Oracle to see what it will tell us. Which lady deserves to be wedded and which one may as well be left to fornicate in a den of sin? Which one can be killed? Beaten? Raped?
In societies where the vagina counts, the rise of a Condoleeza Rice, a Michelle Obama or a Margaret Thatcher seldom happens. In such societies, a wife is as good as her husband. That is why the relevance of the life of Benazir Bhutto, the first female prime minister of Pakistan, cannot be underestimated.
In societies where little boys eat before their little sisters, get a larger portion of meat and go to school when their little sisters go to the market, those little boys imagine vaginas and what they want to do with them. Control is in his hands. That little boy will cultivate an uncanny fascination with the thing between girls’ legs and then assert his position over it, knowing that the society has given him the right to do so. That little boy may become a pastor where he can stand on the pulpit and say, “I will not wed a spoiled woman.”
Or he may become a husband who forces his wife to do what he wants her to do at a time when she does not want to do it because he paid her bride price.
Vaginas count. That’s why some readers will count the number of times the word ‘vagina’ in used in this piece. And others will fortify their position that the condition of a woman’s vagina is a reliable assessment of her worth.
In elementary schools in the United States, many children are taught a song with lyrics that go like this:
My body’s nobody’s body but mine
You rule your own body,
let me rule mine
But in societies where the vagina counts, that song is a lie. Girls and women do not rule their bodies, especially not their vaginas.
And being called “spoiled” means she is as good as dead.
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Follow Chika Oduah on Twitter@chikaoduah
Tags: Chika Oduah
best article ever.
lemme see anyone blindly challenge the banal ideas Ms. Oduah has brilliantly highlighted for us all to see. long live d vagina!
“Who knew that two plump lips of skin could wreck so much havoc and hysteria?” —> wow! What a line.
I read the same line and thought: wait. aren’t those ‘two plump lips of skin’ the labia though? *scratches head* Yes they’re part of the genitalia and sometimes they’re removed in female genital mutilation, but I thought it was the parts underneath them that garnered the most ‘concern’ and attention. Other than for protection, I didn’t think the labia were regarded as important or essential in the determination of ‘pureness’ and the diagnosing/declaration of the spoiled. hmmm… Maybe I have some reading to do or perhaps I’m just over-thinking this…
Nevertheless, good article. Little girls should not have to feel that their vaginas and what they do with them are anybody’s business, save the few times the things pick up new habits and the girls choose, if they want, to seek out the help of more experienced vagina owners to help understand their’s. Sigh, they shouldn’t have to grow up thinking that the status of one hole in their bodies is essentially who they are..
You paint the picture as if it is the Vagina causing things like domestic violence when men experience domestic violence too (is that for control of the dicks?)
You take things that affect the both sexes and use it to make your vajina point, like churches refusing to marry @couples@ that are already sexually active with each other and then somehow paint that as though its the woman that suffers that?
You speak of things that happen only in small certain parts of nigeria (13 year olds getting married) asif its somehow the norm, rather than a tragedy that should be addressed.
You some how painted that we highlight that Jesus was conceived without the presence of a man, as something BAD to women?
And where did you grow up that the boys get bigger pieces of meat than the girls? My sisters always got more clothes and money than i did and food was all according to your size.. i was the youngest and i got the smallest piece. IM A GUY.
This is Journalistic bias, painting a once-sided story to make your point and with your experience and prestige as a writer, I expected more.
PS: Its not somehow @okay@ for men to fuck around with many women and start looking for a virgin (a point you did not make – granted – but you eluded to). But is the solution for women to start to do the same? Or to be more stern as a society to the men who do?
This men do this, so women should movement is getting old. As a society we should wisen up and start a smarter movement… Men stop this.
I’m a guy also, stop being a “one sided” misogynist prick. The article hits the point very well. I don’t know why some guys seldom think and feel anything challenging men should be attacked immediately as if it proves any more masculinity or pseudo machismo.
wow Chika that was possibly the best article I’ve read on Bellanaija
Me too!!!
This article bothers me…the writer has some valid points and while I appreciate that the intention of this article is not to berate women, to read in black and white that the order of the day is commoditising such an important part of the female body…my female body…to this degree has left me unsettled.
I believe that’s what it’s meant to do. It’s meant to unsettle you to the point where you begin to demand a different/higher standard for yourself & your vagina.
Errr…Madam Annie…I have insight and can understand what the writer’s intentions are. I was speaking my thoughts, not asking for an interpretation of the article. Thank you!
I actually read it the opposite way. I see the writer encouraging all of her sex (particularly the young, largely uninformed and very impressionable ones amongsts us) to seperate themselves from their vaginas. I’m very open to the message because if hear one more undeserving man open his wide mouth and proclaim his intention of marrying a “good girl” to the world, again …. Words fail me to describe how amazingly backwards the men in my generation seem to be in comparison with their own grandfathers. At least their grandfathers had the excuse of not seeing the light of day…
So, yeah, I quite welcome this message. I need to be free from my own vagina the same way my contemporary male is free from his own penis. There is one thought that always occurs to me when I consider the inequality of the sexes – how come Bill Gates fornicated and LIED ABOUT IT while he was a serving president of a country and yet that horny billy goat (yes, pun intended) is still being globally celebrated as an ex-US presido, peace ambassador, blah blah blah… while nobody can mention Monica Lewinsky’s name without sneering? Biko, the hypocrisy needs to stop in every sphere of civilization, both 1st world and 3rd world.
Lawd have mercy, I’ve gone and indicted another Bill in that comment above. I meant “Bill Clinton” biko.
Yh… d joy of being a woman or the curse….
Will it ever change??? or can it ever change? Time will tell.
lifeinstagesdoz.blogspot.co.uk/
You’re very welcome.
Anytime!
i dont think annie was undermining your insight… chillll
No dear aunty…YOU chiiiilll, as you can see Annie and I exchanged smiles and don’t need you to mediate on our matter. #CreatingDramaWhereThereIsNone
Annie how you dey jare
Loooool. Thanks Aunty, you’re like my guardian angel. Hehehe. Bleed blue, what’s popping?
I’ve never read anything more “straight to the point” about gender inequality. Not that I’m trying to be sentimental but I think this article has a somewhat “extreme-feminist” side to it. Still very insightful.
lovely article
Thanks so much for this article, Chika. It’s very honest and engaging. It’s now up to us to raise our sons right and teach them to respect women and their bodies. Well done.
OMG so true! unfortunately thats the society in which we live. Women mean next to nothing. That is why education is the greatest gift you can give the girl child, and encourage her to be independent in her thinking.
God help us in this world.
zannyzane.blogspot.com
wonderful article. @Bleech blu: for the sake of understanding and clarity it has to be commoditised as you put it so it can be understood.
lol @ long live the vagina. this article is quite indepth,i wish i could write like this! oh well, im unsettled too and begining to worry for my daughters yet unborn!
My Goodness! You are an eloquent and articulate writer. I loved this piece. It made me cringe in shame because it is the truth.
Well said!!!
Lovely article. This is definitely the best article on Bella Naija so far.
This is the best article I’ve read in a long time. Well written. Our society operates a double standard where men are allowed to do as they please and we women are taught from an early age to obey, please and live for them. While some women see nothing wrong in this and have this twisted view that they were created for the menfolk there are some of us who refuse to believe it’s a man’s world. As far as I know, it’s God’s world.
http://www.bexluvs2dress.blogspot.com
I don’t know maybe there are more sensible comments under yours but yours just summarized my thoughts exactly. Just because the woman was created after the man does not in any way mean that the man is superior to the woman and our society needs to grasp that.
It seems as though no matter how much we progress with our thoughts in society, no matter how much we claim 21st century mentality, #TheOtherWoman in society is still put down.
She is still living as though this were the stone ages, under the wiles and guiles of the men placed above her
a very thoughtful and truthful write that depicts how we African men see, believe and treat a woman. kudos to the writer and big ups to the publisher. i hope fellow men, society and world at large, through this piece that women are worth more than we value them
I totally agree with the writer. But now I think our society is becoming one where the vagina doesn’t count. But still men like to marry “fresh girls”.
A very nice article,ful of information.Feminism is on d increase as each day passes by.my fellow women,let stand and finish dis deadly phenomenon called “feminism”which has eaten deep into d nooks and crannies of our soceity.i believe we can do it,o!yes we can
“fem·i·nism
/ˈfeməˌnizəm/
Noun
The advocacy of women’s rights on the grounds of political, social, and economic equality to men.” You’re welcome.
do you even know what feminism means? stop being ignorant and pick up a book.
LMAO! Google is your friend my love; Use it!
THIS TAKES THE CAKE AS THE DUMBEST COMMENT ON BELLANAIJA EVER!!!
wozaaaaa!!!! lolll
@sweeney is either being funny or is very confused.
Wow………I wish everybody understand the part of this very article in humans life!! Infact you get the realy fact…….
This Article left me unsettled. In so many ways, it only says what I already knew. But reading it in black and white put a measue of fear in my heart. And the mother who killed her daughter who was raped by her brothers … Scary world we live in.
Very well and rightly written on this sensitive issue. Thanks for Sharing thoughtful and sensible issue.
Thanks!
This article is deep…the way men judge women based on if one is a virgin or not is alarming, meanwhile no one ever questions if a man is a virgin. In Nigeria, if you are a virgin=good, decent, righteous girl… non-virgin= bad, spoiled, and corrupt girl. Thumbs up to u Chika for this great article
OMG!
Somehow Vagina counts…..lolz
usaveone.blogspot.com
Very engaging and thought provoking. I particularly like how you started, with what the mothers do. I believe it shows how our mentalities, as women,are affected by our environment. It is therefore out duty as enlightened women to make sure we pass across to the girls and women around us a sense of worth and belief in change. it starts with us. Definitely the best article I’ve ever read here!!
The writer obviously did her research. I love this write up! On my first day of work, i noticed that my ‘supposed’ supervisor, stared intently at my crotch **Vagina syndrome** several times I have asked these questions. Why do men, even the poorest of the lot, feel they can abuse women, no matter their position, status or social strata? My good guess is; the fact that he feels he has control over the Vagina. Why is it that no matter whatever class or position a woman has, any man on the street feels, she’ll be thrilled to have him as a lover. Why do men constantly abuse their wives over and over again, calling them Prostitutes, whether he met her a virgin or not? Because, he feels the vagina belongs to him. Why are women raped? To put them in their place… i guess. This write-up is one of the best I’ve ever read in years, it comes straight from the heart.
Standing ovation for Chika. Well said. Gives me food for thought
wow. very interesting read
Good one.Please learn to respect women.Respect their body and decision,very important.
Profound! Thanks for touching this very sensitive issue. Brings back bad memories for me. I went to an all girls catholic secondary school where we were tested for virginity at the beginning of each term. I still cringe at the thought of it, we all fill into the school’s sick bay, wait for ur turn, go in, lie on the table,push ur knees up & voila! The Rev sis gloved fingers start working our Vs. Our privacies totally invaded. The worst part is, some mothers scarred their daughters all in the name of killing off the ‘urge’ by mutilating their Vs to preserve virginity.
Please, what school is this?
St. Maria Assumpta.
Good points but the writing style is jst wrong. Doesnt really come out well. Someone shld have proof-read this article b4 publishing.
I get an unsettling feeling after reading this but not bcos its about the vagina. Its about the delivery
Really don’t get your point about “writing or delivery” she was eloquent and articulate!! Your style of commenting is WRONG and your delivery is POOR. Take a seat!!
Lmao..nice one #SisiOge
(y)
I think @Doks has been seeing people use the term ‘writing style’ n has been dyin 2 do the same.
Its supposed to be unsettling and thought provoking. The writing style, delivery and content are top notch.
Different strokes for different folks, I guess
This is a biased article. I don’t see figures/statistics, I don’t see names of societies, no references. The writer made some points which made sense but Google has a lot of junk and old information (sadly, this article will also join Google’s search engine with its blind viewpoint).
I am not saying some of what she said don’t happen Nigeria but please tell me, where in Nigeria does marrying off an underage girl happens? Mostly in the north. Nigerians flying in from abroad to marry village girls, give illustrations. Nigerians wearing white for weddings to signifying purity, (so yr 2003)? White is the ‘norm’ in the world (Bella the wedding dresses you post on your wedding section, they are mostlywhite? Na black person make the dress?). she could have made reference to how the baby-boomers think and the younger generation’s point of view Some Nigerians go outside Nigeria and spread information, without making an effort to emphasize the rate at which such things happen in Nigeria, what society, occurrence between illiterates or literates, if there has been some improvement etc . I could also stand here and say most of my friends here marry well educated girls, enlighten city girls and most importantly not a VIRGIN (which is true). Hey let me report an article: Virgins are not Favored by Nigerians Living Abroad, or better still Nigerians are Fraudsters!
Dude. Take a chill pill…this article was not geared towards explaining the Nigerian experience only…it applies to pretty much every country. She mentioned Malala in Pakistan who by the way was shot at by al Qaeda for speaking out against lack of access to education for the girl child; she also talked about the woman who was raped in India, the honor killing in Iran, etc. Today is Int’l Women’s Day…no one is attacking your country unfairly, expand your horizon. The world is much larger than your little corner.
i dont agree with you @doks. beautiful well written as it hits the nail on the head especially on the pakistani women and honor killings as awell as virgin mary. oue society expects women to get married as virgins bt dont expect a man to. so who are men sleeping with, dogs????? what is good for the goose is good for the gander. a woman shouldnt be judged by d state of her vagina which bye d way is hers to control. iv experienced sexual abuse and made to feel like it was my fault. i have forgiven but not forgotten. it is time women stand up and take charge of their bodies and their futures.
Chika I loved it! You told it beautifully and how that could be manged with something so sordid is a wonder in itself.
This amazing article will then be followed by hundreds of self-opinionated comments on the vagina, men, women, marraige, grammatical errors, sex, God, heaven, hell, my mother said this, my inlaw said that, the Bible says, the Quran preaches, blah blah…Talk is cheap people, our society remains backward and until we actually have more than an opinion, it will remain so!
i put this on my bbm pm one evening, “i’m a beautiful,smart & intelligent lady who has a drive & ambition, if as a man, u feel threatened by that, i have no business with u” just as u would guess, a lot of guys ‘pinged’ me; “you are a feminist” blah blah blah. and i responded yes, thank u.
i’ve always hated the fact that women are considered to be ‘nothing’ in our society. if a woman cheats, she has to go but if a man cheats, hey! it’s normal. and a lot of women have accepted the whole “i’m a woman, i’m not supposed to complain” notion. this is a very nice article, i hope our women will learn how to stand up for themselves because truthfully, a man will treat you exactly the way you allow him to treat you!
Thank you for writing this, thank you BN for posting it.
beautifully written chika and thought-provoking………you have just written down the things that bother me about our society…….
for the longest time ever, women have protested against being left behind or relegated to the kitchen and you would think that at a time like this, we would have come so far and be a better people but that is not the case….things are getting worse and i don’t even know who to apportion the blame to, just commented on the Toni tones article and i was appalled how every picture was aimed at selling her sexuality to the world which would boil down to the vagina. parents and mothers especially need to sit up and give a proper education to their children, not any education but a moral education to their kids…..teach the boys to respect the woman as they respect themselves and to look past a woman’s sexuality and put some dignity in their girls…..because while i hate and it is totally wrong to blame a victim of rape or any sexual violence, i think to some extend we have to accept the truth in that we are in some ways the cause of it……these days, most celebrities in the news are either going naked or half naked and that has somehow become the standard for the average girl……what the hell is up with all the so called cleavage, short dresses and more? we need to seriously examine our consciences and our society and enact some changes …..and that change starts with each and every individual separately……….you have to have enough respect for yourself and exude that much confidence in yourself as a whole……bc when a girl feels the need to assert that she is better than her counterparts bc she is still a virgin, then that is an issue even if she doesn’t expose herself…….we cannot make our society to live with double standards bc if the Bible says we were created equally, then men should not get a pass on what women would not…..and if we do not judge men by their penises , then the same standard should apply to women…….we are gradually becoming a society of sick people and we all need to change our mindsets if we want to see a change…….bc all the women(M.O, H.C,B.B, etc) mentioned in this article are in one way or the other my role models and i certainly would not want to be deterred bc someone places value on my vagina…….yes the vagina is powerful, it is what makes me a woman, it is the core of my feminity but it is not all that there is to me…..i am so much more than my vagina, i am brains, intellect, inner beauty from my heart and kindness, and it is these that actually make me who i am as a person, not my vagina. my vagina only makes me a woman but before being a woman, i am a person……..and its about time every one started seeing women as persons beyond the vagina……..thank you chika
vikkyscreed.blogspot.com
Someone just had to spoil this with a horrid comment. The Bible is chock-full of patriarchy please stop bringing into every conversation. Holier than thou people. What does her dignity have to do with sex? Being a virgin makes you no less dignified than sleeping with 20 men. You are doing exactly what the article mocks. And stop with the assumption that rape is about lust. It is about power and control. Please stop with this horrid assumption and notion Judge Judy. Nobody asks to be raped. Please stop this and go and learn.
but did you really read the comment? why so angry?
Wow………u must be really angry dis afternoon Bc u totally misunderstood me……..what part of de Bible did I quote except for de part that it says we were all made in de image n likeness of God n therefore we r all equalls, I den used it to say if we r equals, den no one person shud b overlooked n de other underlooked…..chika wasn’t trying to alienate de Bible here my dear, she was asking us to look beyond Mother Mary’s virginity Bc certainly she was so much more Dan dat, didn’t u think of dat angle? N yes, If u think I am speaking from ignorance, my dear, I hv been a victim of rape actually if u wanted to know n u r right, it was simply Bc at de time, my boyfriend felt de need to excerpt his power over me n abuse me n I know first hand dat it is never a grape victims fault what happened to her, what I was implying is dat some girls n mind u amnnot judging anyone
Mind u am not judging anyone but if u can b honest with urself for once, what do u think girls who walk around half named r doing? Are dey not indirectly placing Deir value on de vagina whether consciously or unconsciously? N isn’t dat what in some cases provoke men who rape random women to feel denneed to abuse women or to excerpt useless power over them? Remember I have said, no victim should be blamed for rape and sometimes solving a problem means admitting dat de problem exist in the first place. So u sat n called me judge wen u were the one who was actually judging me n isn’t everyone entitled to their tot or opinions anymore? Have u read de varied comments here my dear?Bc while it was one article we have all read, we r all diff n interpreted it to hav various meaning to de many different us dat exist, so bf u ask me to go learn, I am someone very passionate about dis particular issue n its a cause I started championing few yrs ago abt de importance n value of de girl child esp in Africa, sonmy dear, am pretty verse with de topic at hand and I suggest u address whatever is hugging u so much n thank you,Bc I feel stronger after talking or responding to u…….people like u r those who go behind de Internet bringing others down…..In ur words n in my hollier Dan thou attitude as u put it, I will say a prayer for you @ Damie. God bless you
Vikkyscreed.blogspot.com
@dontmention
So women cause rape by dressing sexy?
If armed robbers steal from X n kill their children because they have ferraris n porsches then say the kids are too fine n win awards for being smart, is it justified?
If u don’t know, a rapist is sick. Go n teach ur son to not forcefully sleep with a woman EXCEPT she’s dressed sexy n he can’t help himself. See how retarded that sounds? thts how u sound.
I’ve never read anything more “straight to the point” about gender inequality. Not that I’m trying to be sentimental but I think this article has a somewhat “extreme-feminist” side to it. Still very insightful.
please how can i separate my vagina from my body now!!! i feel so so unsettled!…and thanks Chika
A well articulated piece, thought provoking and unsettling indeed.
Highlighting the ‘vjj’ domination in the context of the Nigerian man leaves one worried some more. Unfortunately,a lot of Nigerian women especially the younger women don’t help the situation; a good percentage of the Nigerian female populace have their self-esteem and validation directly tied to the male & societal acceptance of that which lies beneath their torso hence its overrating! There is more to a woman than two plump lips sandwiched between curvaceous hips! We really do need a drastic paradigm shift as concerning the vagina & all it encompasses.
Nice article, some parts were generalised….for instance it could have been better to say In the part of Nigeria that i live in, some men prefer fresh….so fresh they’ll wed a 13 year old. It was wrong to suggest all men prefer 13 year old girls.
ok, this writer had me at the beginning, then you lost me. you’re talking about separation from the vagina. beauty pageants are one of the things that reduces women to this same vagina, as i don’t get the point of the bikini/underwear part of the show, yet you condemn the hausas/muslims for not wanting the pageant in 2001. isn’t promiscuity and body flaunting a way to attach yourself to your vagina? and thereby make men and people in general only see you for what you have between your legs?
Well said Nene!
I disagree with you. Are there pointless beauty pageants? Yes…but I think beauty pageants go beyond body flaunting. When Miss America took out the bikini section, ratings took a dip and people said it was boring…in a way, they’re pandering to the public’s wants. The prizes for these things include academic scholarships and trips around the world to further a cause. Also, most of these contestants are women who are either getting degrees or already are educated; and for most pageants, you must have a cause you were already furthering like an anti-malarial or violence campaign. So to me, getting a platform to advance your life and improve others is tantamount to being tied to your vagina.
What Muslims did back then was to riot because of a statement made about how even the prophet would appreciate the women, it was sensationalization by the Nigerian media, and as annoying as it can be, it did not warrant all the hullabaloo created.
The point Nene is making is that their removing their clothes and wearing bikini has nothing to do with intellectual but everything to do with VAGINA! so its a double sword here, you advocate for seperation from vagina yet all you do is flaunt vagina. How confusing?
@sunshine, true talk…. Talk is cheap but who would act first and how will all dese ideologies b erased???it’s one tin to speak and give an opinion and it’s anoda for d ideas dat have been and still remains to b instilled in men to b changed radically!! **sighs long and hard***.. Anyways,, @chika, u make me have dis huuuuuge longing to open a twitter account!! In other words,, niiiiiice delivery!
@Nene, I agree with you. this doesn’t have anything to do people’s religions though it is obvious some people have the wrongest ideologies but you are in a way advocating for young girls to do as they wish with their bodies because it is theirs and they rule it. so….they can go on and defile themselves because men are not asked if they are virgins before they get married hence they don’t need to remain virgins for their future husbands. What happened to values our parents instilled in us and now we will raise a generation that believes in promiscuity because Chika said so. am sure the 2 religions don’t support fornication nor adultery. you should have streamlined your writing to the rape/ sexaul abuse issue.
i like this article … women around the world need to read this ..Following bella naija has been the best decision i have made on social media. This piece is wonderful .Good job @chika
This is great and thoughtfully written. …..
Lovely article! We must understand that the Nigerian society is still dominated by the status of the vagina…from the “Are you a virgin?”-men To “how many men have you slept with?”-men…The only way a difference can be made is for women to train their sons to focus on a woman’s head first and Vagina last. *sigh* Embrace the challenge ladies!
A very incisive and thought-provoking piece, Chika. Weldone! I just hope that my fellow men would heed to this and understand that Ms V is a ‘partner in progress’ (as our politicians would say) for Mr P, and not a lowly tool to be used and dumped, like condom. Personally, I feel Chika has pricked us where it matters most, though deploying her power of sophistry to paint rather hyperbolic grotesque pictures here and there.
Deep,Wonderful and brilliant article. Best I’ve read in as long as I can remember..
@ Adaeze and dont mention, I agree with you guys.
Thank you so much chika for shedding more light on this issue. GOD BLESS U….
Chika,
very well written!
fist bump jor!!
while it’s very easy to blame the males, i submit to you that the issues are deeply rooted in the females.
who is the primary caregiver? who has the power to mold society?
females need to stand up and take their responsibilities seriously, and not just go with the flow by accepting the status quo.
the role of a female is not just to pop babies and look good.
No body ever spoke my mind so eloquetly
Has anyone thought that it could also be the interpretations we have to religious beliefs in naija and its supposed perception to viewing women as having to be submissive and inferior to men is the fundamental cause of this horrible, horrible culture and approach?
My vagina rocks and I don’t let any one from the male specie take advantage or disrespect that….have been married 8 yrs now and ma hubby knows I expect the same level of commitment to the union like I give…..women the whole change needs to start with us, respect yourself, value yoursel and love yourselves then it defines how the other person treats you…this should reflect in the way you dress, talk to others and what u allow other do to you….that,s y am so annoyed at the way women just tolerate abuse from their spouses and how they have allowed men to use them as only sex objects in the entertainment industry…..it beats me how a guy is singing a song debasing women and u find women in that same video shaking their breast, buttocks simply clad while the guy is fully dressed? I really don’t care how poor u are or how u just wanna make ends meet, they will continue to see us as just vaginas while making nonsense of our intellect…..lastly for those who might be thinking am feminist or I no dey respect my hubby for house Ur wrong…..I submit to him and funny enough I in a very subtle way get all my wishes carried out…..lol…bottom line women please respect and value yourselfs only then will they begin to see u are just more than a vagina…
Very good article.,,,,,,but looking at it vagina counts and it doesn’t.,,,,as long as you weren’t sexuall abused i think your ability to make choices matter.the writer seemed to antagonise the men folk here but lookin at it i think it all boils down to a matter of choice. I dont think a mother will bring up her daughter to be wayward. I think its the influence of the environment. A girl might grow up with the intention of staying a virgin till marriage but so many tins can make her get disvirgined and it would be her choice. For me personally, i think the vagina shouldn’t be given much reverence. If i man have sex with so many girls and ends up marring a virgin and the girl whom she married knows fully well that he wasn’t a virgin before marriage.,,,,WHY MARRY HIM? Why marry some one who has spoiled himself and now wants to spoil you,,,it doesn’t make common sense.,,,,,being a virgin is a matter of choice.,,whether a virgin or not wat matters is being of good behaviour. A girl who is not a virgin might not necessarily be a bad girl,,,,one who is a virgin can be worse.,,,,The simple truth lies in religion.,,coz religion would let us say it counts but as individual i don’t think it does.,,,,but still one should not be sexually abused ooooo.if i catch you na to castrate you o,,,,,,once again nice article
This article basically summarizes everything I stand for! #Preach Chika Oduah preach! Women love yourselves, love your bodies, protect that body because it is YOURS and nobody should ever ever ever tell you otherwise! #LongLiveTheVagina
This article essentially encourages a girl or woman to be a slut or prostitute. What a society Chika Oduah wants to see > high pregnancy & STD rates. Girls & women can now go on using their Vagina to entice men for money or material things. Good good writer. Thanks
Sleek u really have no sense Walahi? U go school maybe but u be olodo……is Ur brain missing some nuts and screws? Lol…..how did the article encourage women to be sluts or prostitute when all she was doing was looking at societies perspective on the vagina? Sleex u no make the list at all…
You sound male Doks. Probably why you feel unsettled…
I have so much to say about this that I actually have a post on this in my blog
memoirsofagoodnaijagurl.blogspot.com
The part that pricks me most is the cheating part, the same men who want ‘fresh’ fish are the same ones using every trick in the book to get their girlfriends who they feel is only a girlfriend material and not a wife material to defile her vagina, and then still look for an unspoiled vagina to marry, wat if all vaginas are defiled.
Very brilliantly written, wonderful piece.
Hear this :Laolu adekanmbi March 6, 2013 at 5:33 PM
Nice article, some parts were generalised….for instance it could have been better to say In the part of Nigeria that i live in, some men prefer fresh….so fresh they’ll wed a 13 year old. It was wrong to suggest all men prefer 13 year old girls.
The generalizations killed the article. Im sorry, but I wont apologize for that.
is d writer living in the 1900s or what? In the Nigeria of today, all of those do not exist. Writing becomes BS when fiction is preaented as fact.
Boys go to school and girls to the market?
Boys eat meat and girls don’t
Adeola next time b4 u open Ur mouth ask questions……u thnk cos u have lived all Ur life in Lagos then all is well…..so while u live in that ignorant bubble of urs be aware that a lot of poverty still exist in the rural areas areas and some parents still give preferences to the male child..do u not read? Do u not talk to people? It’s people like u who have lived in the city allur lives and have no idea what goes on around them yet talk rubbish with Ur ignorant selves…..are u aware. Are u aware some men have divorced their wives cos they have only female children? Pls next time before u talk do a brain check….
I am Queen of Vagina and I have massive cameltoe. Nobody can deny Majela pussy is the best. – the haters
See this one. Are you well at all?
lol! walahi she is not well!
Never actually thought of the vjj issue like that but its so true. How did the world start thinking this way? Knockout article.
Chika, you deserve an award for this article! Totally well put together! may God help all the vaginas! Quite a deep one! We need liberation…it’s start with you…us all!
Articles like this are only to instill positive thoughts in the majority who are concerned, but it doesn’t always mean the truth. So, to those who are talking about generalisation, well I do not see all these as affecting me, so I wouldn’t say a thing to that, other that what business do I have with a thirteen or fifteen year old girl. Talking about vagina, well I do not see any dignity in your stupid vagina, but I see dignity in you. Like someone earlier commented that it is not only the vagina that makes you, but you make yourself. For example, my own girlfriend is a virgin, and her assistant too is a virgin, but I do not see any dignity in them if they are not intelligent. I have complained many atimes that the way girls dress nowadays quite exasperate me, because I do not see half nakedness as attractive, I see them as devil sent, and that’s what they are. I just know I am different, because a vagina is just a vagina and nothing more, so I don’t see the conventional way. So, it should be reitereated that being a virgin doesn’t make u anything, how about those who are raped? Or those who are not virgins and are godly? And what is it with all virgins will go to heaven? Is that for real?lol heaven ke…I know a virgin who still listens to tuface,dagrin, nicki minaj and so on, is that the justification for heaven?
@bleed blue, then why pray tell are you still unsettled? Could it be the upfront blatant unabiding attack on the validity of woman as it concerns what is directly between her thighs? Mmmmm?
Sorry, why are you using me to make your point?
If your personal summary of the article is “the upfront blatant unabiding attack on the validity of woman as it concerns what is directly between her thighs”, then just say so na…abi?
Wauw! Very strong article! Loved reading it. It is so to the point. As a girl in a free society (belgium) I am very lucky. I know that and try to help the world as much as I can…
I live here in Belgium with a Nigerian man… I have to believe that not all Nigerian men are like that, but when I was there, I did see the differences between men and women that no longer exist here. This article is important! Good of you to talk so directly!
wow. I’m totally in love with this article.
insightful.well done
After seriously reading through the article and almost half-laughing and half-gawking at some of the responses, here is my take on it:
@Chika Oduah: Thank you so much, deep perspective, sound reasoning , not a 100% on stereotyping but massively intelligent write up and u make a point with this contribution, (Judging by the feedback)… u said a lot and mostly provokingly true. Articulate and insanely well-put together…… and we thought Chimamanda Adichie had all the talent…..Well-done and thank you. Looking forward to your book, am already on queue….(wont be complete if i don’t do this:)
@sweeney: U make dumb look good, please stay away from smart people, you’ll cause massive allergy!
@Doks: Get a life , probably sprinkling cleaners and flushing toilets !
@garri: i’ll have to agree you do make quite some valid points, so yeah im aligned.
@dontmention: “before my vagina, i’m a person ” Spot on !
@nene: very articulate but here it is.. beauty is beauty and it is to be admired plus it does not automatically translate to a need to “knack it” , its just looseness and indiscipline on our part (men)
@myvaginarocks: Love the part about the Video divas being half-clad ,looking “ready” sex ‘objectyfying’ themselves, all the while expecting some form of respect… who are we kidding…abi…who be wood?, Regarding ur being submissive..Plz listen..I’m a man, do not stop ….it works !
@Queen of Vagina : really ? I’m a loss as how to term your comments.. too lacking….
@sleek: mehn you are slow !!!
From Me:
Dear Vagina,
we love you, we really honestly do, we always have and we almost always will ( i can guarantee), but we ain’t ready to trade our ways to make you king, why should we? when we can have our way with you, as we have always done. You don’t help make it any easier on urself either, nowadays you throw yourself at us with so so much abandon that we don’t anymore have to try, we just sit watch and wait. Someone asked recently “How do you respect someone who do not care for respect” ur answer is as good as my guess. we would like a little more basis to compete, but we aint complaining about the present status, it works for us just fine. But when u are ready dear Vjj , send us a memo, we’ll rewrite the “constitution”, hopefully it will be made intolaw before a couple of centuries is out.
Yours Sincerely,
‘Society’ (mostly Men)
I view the article as a parody of the self-serving misogyny that is rooted in the less rational aspects of our culture and the hypocrisy of the present. The prurient preoccupation with the presence of a hymen, as evidence of ‘purity’, ignores other types of sexual activity that do not involve vaginal penetration as well as hymen reconstruction, not to mention hymenal rupture by physical activity other than sex.
Male paternalism and chutzpah also conceals the worst kind of hypocrisy that ignores the other side of the equation- male sexual activity. If Church authorities require certification of female virginity before marriage, why does the same stipulation not apply to men? In the absence of physical proof of male chastity, why not require men to swear on the Bible that they are ‘virgins’ and invite the malediction of God for false witness?
It’s high time we stopped this nonsense and treat all human beings as equal. If female sexual activity is harmful to social mores, then so is male sexual activity, and the same strictures should apply to both sexes. And it is supremely arrogant to suppose that anyone, however long his beard or white his cassock, has the right to tell other rational adults how to live their lives. Both women and men ought to reject this ridiculous imposition by misguided prudes and self-appointed moral guardians.
The author made valid points. The Vagina is probably getting more attention than it deserves. But all these instances the author made are just perversion of the real objectives of vagina reverence. They are exceptions. Bandying them as the rule is mischievous and ultimately counter-productive for the very women the author claims to protect.
I ask this though: are women really ready to stomach the alternative of “less vagina reverence and attention from men”? Is this another case of the ‘women-are-impossible-to-please theorem’?
A popular cliche has it that ‘women don’t know what they want, but they want it NOW!
Please go and do further research on the life of The Blessed Virgin Mary and her married life…
The article is well written and provocative, however I believe the key issue is to the mothers that raise both daughters and sons. Something is off mentally when a mother values her sons above her daughters and orients her girls to building their self image on their vagina or virginity or perception of purity. Ultimately women are responsible as mothers, wives, sisters and aunties to raise BOTH young men and women to respect their bodies. A young man who values himself by the size of his penis is just as dysfunctional as the young woman who values herself by her vagina, breast, skintone, etc. It all starts in the mind and mothers (and fathers too) should help shape the next generation to respect their bodies and the God given purity spiritually that naturally translates to the physical and other areas of life. Anyway thank you for beaming a bright light on such a controversial and relevant topic.
Mmmh… the truth revealed. Hope the audience would listen and act. Chika welldone. Daalu
Thanks Chika,, it’s a wonderful one.
blablabla… blunt dou# huge amount of veracity cntained here… bt chika< ur nt promoting modesty… a gurl wuz protectin her vagina coz her mum told her u'll b valued wud likely wanna xploit n a gurl wuz sleepin arnd wiv wu she wnts n yet claims she deserves a gud man has got a -ve corroboration to get on wiv her promiscious spree.. my dear, weda u b man or woman, na u geht ur penis, as well as ur vagina.. a spoilt man wud definetely geht entangled wiv a spoilt woman n odawise… u own ur v which is a living sacrifice to God as encompassed as a member of ur body. women submit ur body to ur man n vivceversa…. u give ur v to anybody n u fink itz o yea itz my v.. sori my dear na ur type guys go stake money 4ur head mk profit… dey wud brag bout dere sexual escapades wen u pass by.. minyle he sed hi to u…gender inequality shd nt b a reason to promote rebellion coz after readin dz, sum gehs wud tell deir mums.. plz i own my body n dnt cntrol me as u used to
I soooo much love this…
Hmmmmmmmmm…… The best article I have ever read. Well done Chika!
[...] article before, take your anger out on Chika Oduah. Her seminal work, “Where the Vagina Counts”http://www.bellanaija.com/2013/03/06/chika-oduah-where-the-vagina-counts/ made me revisit the feminization of African men. Long before Nigeria had a First Lady who steps [...]
the truth is that God created the (wo)man for the man, and not the other around. the woman was created as an after thought, for the company (and pleasure) of the man. being a man affords certain privileges, just like being a king. just because we all have one head, two arms and two legs bound to one torso does not necessarily mean we are “equals”.
men and women will never be equal, so stop this Western brain washed mentality of female liberation. there is no such thing. men will be men, women will be women.
rather lets us focus on changing certain repressive attitudes towards women like rape, forced labour and prostitution etc.
no matter how masculine she dresses, ellen degeneres will always be a woman forever. she can never use her genitals to penetrate another woman, she can never impregnate another woman.
i wish African women would stop patronizing these misfits and their shows. a lot of women in their home country shun them like a plague, but then we Africans are the greatest wannabees. we only copy the vanities, not the honorables.
the truth is that God created the (wo)man for the man, and not the other around. the woman was created as an after thought, for the company (and pleasure) of the man. being a man affords certain privileges, just like being a king. just because we all have one head, two arms and two legs bound to one torso does not necessarily mean we are “equals”.
men and women will never be equal, so stop this Western brain washed mentality of female liberation. there is no such thing. men will be men, women will be women.
rather lets us focus on changing certain repressive attitudes towards women like rape, forced labour and prostitution etc.
no matter how masculine she dresses, ellen degeneres will always be a woman forever. she can never use her genitals to penetrate another woman, she can never impregnate another woman.
well written article, but it was rather reactionary. if Chika and most of the ladies here take this extreme position, then they have been moving with the wrong men. only bush men insist on things like ‘good women’, ‘virgin’ etc etc. the modern nigerian man has evolved – not ti the level of feminisation as Rudolf claims. i think a centrist approach is better. lets take this slowly. we men don’t have to be extremists or bush, but our women don’t also have to get into the habit of cudgeling is constantly about their rights etc – when in actual fact they have it all. browbeating us into total submission will create monsters, not better men, out of us. chika’s article paints men, especially those who don’t live in america, with a tar brush of barbarism. i reject that paint. she makes it look like the americans have claim to setting moral standards for the world. nothing could be farther from the truth. we may draw attention to the crazy practice of honor killing and the rest, but should not make it look like that is what men are all about. if anything, chika’s article chastises only a minority among men, and this needs to be clearly pointed out
Miss. Oduah,one doesnt need a Prophet 2 decipher dat u are a FEMINIST….This piece of work is feminist in all ramifications…and guess what?all u achieved is show us u are a feminist.expected better from you
Interesting read. One thing though, can’t fault men for desiring fresh girls. A fresh v is inherently more enjoyable than the v that has received multiple impressions, some upwards of 50,000 impressions! Do the maths: Per round, per session, per week, months and years.
Whereas multiple impressions seem to better the p, same can’t be said of the v.
I just read this on a friend’s facebook account. Quite an interesting piece but for entertainment purposes only. You are a good writer in the sense that you know the right catchy phrases to use and get some spirit moving and the right tenses to use but I think you need more coordination and of course, supporting facts for your argument.
At some point I was not sure whether I was reading about gender discrimination that is a common issue all over the world or I was reading about cultural practices that believe in proper and specialized home training for women (based on the gender discrimination still) or I was reading about religious practices, particularly Islamic practices pertaining to Women. You have got 3 different issues although all with a common baseline – Gender discrimination all jumbled up and you would be able to get your message out better if you focus more on what you want to talk about.
I was not too pleased with the Virgin Mary referral, I think you made some shallow comments on that and should please get some more information before you say anymore on that. I am not a Theologian but I have done a bit of theological studies and I can categorically tell you that you are wrong on that. If you need more information, I can help you.
Finally, the V does count. Oh yes it does, BUT for what it represents, not the piece of flesh, I dont know who takes that for dinner. I know Islamic religion has a beam light on that and that is the reason you have the issues like the Iran incident you presented above but also fundamentally, it was there in the Qur’an to encourage the spirit of chastity and holiness which every other religion and every culture that recognises morality as a fundamental requirement to societal harmony and unity preaches. Its a shame that some people are shallow enough to focus on symbols like having the hymen in place instead of deep rooted morals but that does not mean morality should be done away with. So what we have going on in our world is: If a woman is a virgin but she hangs out with all the bad boys in all the bad clubs and people see her and she wears skimpies and trash clothing, she would still get looked at like a prostitute and be treated with contempt. The society or her family even do not wait to write her off after they’ve stuck their fingers into her. Its not the Hymen my dear or the Vagina, or Labia that counts. Its the morals or the lack of morals that the society attacks. The men that come back to Nigeria to take a “Good wife” do not go sticking their fingers to see who’s hymen is still intact, that is gross. So focus on battling on why women should receive a specialized grooming for their husbands instead of writing about virginity because that is a very minor part of the big problem eh. My 2 cents…
Wonderful literary skill by the writer, thought provoking challenge to everyone not to see the women fold as a piece of article for gratification and use.
Nevertheless, why the HYMEN? If who does go in and when and how the house is entered is of no consequence and absolutely insignificant, why put the door to gate the treasure within in the first place?
Just asking, lest the flip side of the article kicks in and a reader thinks chastity is no more a virtue to be cherished and extolled.
In as much as male folks lack such anatomical landmark, I believe God allowed our precious women to have such in order to underscore what and who is worth bleeding for. The negative impacts of wrong coital activities is far reaching on a girl than her male conterpart; not excusing the boys by any means though.
Just adressing the lee way of imbalance for a possibly undiscerning reader who might want to throw all cautions to the wind. If it’s precious, then treasure it.
Yinka yours is the best analogy i have ever met. Why the Hymen? Why the Hymen? And you reply cos our creator wanted us to know who to bleed for and who not to? Imagine a world were all these women clamoring for their great vagina treated their vagina like they treat their bank accounts and life savings? Who will be calling who bad? who will be looking for fresh people? will all not be fresh? male and female? Imagine a situation were all these women taught their sons and brothers how to respect women? Who will be disrespecting who? thats why feminism shenanigan does not get to me. Because we women are our biggest problems. There is a saying ‘The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world’ but how can we rule the world when we are busy following another woman’s husband, teaching our sons and younger brothers that all they need is money to buy over any woman, teaching our daughters that their vagina is for sale at the highest bidder. Yet we scream men are our problem. please……
Wonderfl,God bless,i hope ds goes as far as it can 2 change d mind-set of most Nigerian men nd even some women
i think this is a brillant piece
Well…, I still believe that a woman’s greatest enemy is her fellow woman. Your true life story from Iran confirms that.
i dont get the gist of this article..are young girls still shy on their private organs in Nigeria? *confused face*