Don’t Manage Him, Manage You

Posted on Tuesday, October 8th, 2013 at 1:00 PM

By Ruby Suze

Bouncing on a high from our anniversary night away, I was recounting the delights our getaway to mum (x rated parts omitted), whilst trying on my outfit for the engagement we would be attending the following evening. I was tying my velvet wrapper, blissfully unaware of my husband’s acrobatics that was happening in the spare room behind me. Satisfied with my look, I returned to the spare room and I was in sheer shock. Stood before me was a tower of beautiful organisation; jackets hung wondrously and shirts hooked over the hangers. It was cinematic. The shiny mirrored doors could close freely for the first time in ages. Standing before me was the 8th wonder of the world; an arranged wardrobe. I literally did a happy dance across my living room floor.

I tell you why, this is so important. For the longest time I have wondered why on earth my beloved couldn’t arrange his wardrobe in a logical manner. I am not an isolated case – just this weekend I spoke to two friends lamenting about their husbands’ lack of organisation! There are thousands and dare I say millions of women around the world who are desperately seeking answers, as per why their husbands leave their shoes in the middle of the way, leave dishes unwashed waiting for their wives to come home or the classics – squeeze toothpaste from the wrong end or leave the toilet seat up. Although for me, the number one phenomenon is why the towel is entirely drenched following a shower (answers on a postcard please). It’s these little things that can cause ‘wahala’; constant nagging from one beloved to another resulting in explosive bombs of Baghdad arguments.

Throwing my verbal grenades recently, I began to question what the point of my incessant nagging was. I began to wonder if nagging is a form of control, an attempt to manage my beloved’s actions. The wish of most nags is that the naggie conforms to the nags rationale. It is the hope that by constantly repeating the need for the naggie to complete a particular action, the naggie will have an ‘ah ha’ moment and change. And thus, restoring life to a peaceful state. This rarely works. Usually one of two outcomes are achieved; the nag becomes exhausted with nagging and carries out the task themselves or the naggie becomes irritated with the entire situation and reacts negatively. Constant nagging leaves sour tastes in the mouths of the nagged. You reduce their importance, placing more weight on the task/attitude they are required to complete. The feelings of love are few and far between when nagging is a constant factor.

I question if nagging is just a ‘female thing’ and if it is, why do we do it? Considering the poor conversion rate from nagging to result, why don’t we wives just keep quiet? Discussing this with my beloved, I argued that nagging must be built into our DNA. The good book says that we are called to be the helpmates to our husbands. It is this ability to help that I believe makes us natural nags. We have the capability to notice the small things that our beloveds don’t. The husband buys the home but it usually takes a woman to remember to purchase curtains. My beloved argued that it’s more an inherent lack of contentment rather than inherent nagging; if a man squeezed the toothpaste correctly, put the toilet seat down and did all the things we wished they did, we’d complain that he was a ‘yes man’. And if our men become ‘yes men’, we wouldn’t want them.

Deep down inside each nag is the desire to control and manage. A nag will never admit this of course, but it’s the truth nevertheless. You want to quietly nudge him to pay a certain bill at a certain time and a certain place and a certain frustration kicks in when it’s not done. The nag will argue it’s because of the good of the family but, isn’t also a need to ensure the outcome is as required. We attempt to manage his habits, his emotions, his time – all in a bid to do things better or neater. Sometimes his small habits like misplacing things and expecting you to find them are representative of a deeper issue; a difference in attitude/approach to life. You may have married an extremely laid back person who places lower priority on the things that are more important to you. And if that’s the case – it may never change, even if you managed to synchronise your nagging with all the wives in the world

Ultimately we need to manage ourselves; our expectations, our time, our environment and our emotions. You can only change yourself. We can manage the home but we cannot manage the man. For many of us newlyweds, our beloveds have been the way they are with the habits they have for more years than we have been married. How then, is it realistic to expect a mans’ habits to change, simply because he fell in love with your ‘stepford wife wannabe’ self. So, you see that pair of socks thrown into the corner of the bedroom instead of being placed inside the laundry basket; you have some choices to make. You can breathe (and perhaps pray) and pick it up or you can work your blood pressure up by discussing the history and function of the laundry basket.

I fully understand that it can be highly frustrating and will leave you feeling exasperated. Five years into marriage, I am by no means claiming to be cured of this niggling habit. Believe me, I would probably have to conduct an entire prayer service before picking up that pair of socks particularly if I had just cleaned up. But, I have come to the conclusion that I am Mrs Ruby Suze and not Mrs Manager. I do not need to manage him, I need to manage me.

Photo Credit: madamenoire.com

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Ruby Suze is a yummy mummy who has been married for 5 years. She is passionate about using her life experiences to help others especially, youth. Follow her blog: Forever Newlywed and on Twitter@cr8tivrubysuze.

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  • 49 Comments on “Don’t Manage Him, Manage You”

    Comments
    • Koffie October 8, 2013 at 1:40 PM

      Its very hard to keep quiet about how disorganised a man is, I know that from having four brothers. I’m nto married though but I think the boo is neat although most guys keep their houses super clean when expecting a girl. Also, I know that from growing up with brothers; the only time they ever willingly cleaned was when they were expecting female guests.
      I find myself complaining about a host of other things in my relationship but I’m working on it as I know nagging is a turn off for men.

    • Gistyinka Blog October 8, 2013 at 2:09 PM

      Thanks for sharing with life part on BN, I too have this neglected attitude

    • jcsgrl October 8, 2013 at 2:13 PM

      I don’t try nagging…he will give it back to me in quantum. So I either beg or ignore you and just do it myself.

    • Iyke October 8, 2013 at 2:40 PM

      Brilliant!Manage yourself and the energy will be cause him/her to act in line with your expectations.You don’t go into relationship/marriage with the hope of changing the person…Being your best self is not an option…it’s a life style…a committed choice… More than passing by…you choose to show up…fill the moment with the fullness of your wholeness…live the breath and depth of the promise… This is what’s asked of us…let’s figure this thing out people!!!

    • Mimi October 8, 2013 at 2:49 PM

      I’m the laid back one and he’s the nagging one…….I’ve told him recently that he nags and he doesn’t agree, don’t sweat the small stuff, somethings are not that serious abeg.

      • Noni October 13, 2013 at 11:03 PM

        Exactly the same for me. He’s the one constantly nagging me to hang that up, put that back. I’m not a child abeg, I’ll do things when I want to and if you have a problem with that then do it your self.

    • Mercee October 8, 2013 at 2:52 PM

      Nice piece Mrs. Suze.

    • Mrs Yes Man October 8, 2013 at 3:09 PM

      Ruby in as much as you meant well with this article, ideologies like this belong in the last century. I am not in support of nagging, I don’t even have the energy to do it. Rather than manage only you, the woman doing the work as always. Why don’t we make our men more responsible and do due dilligence. Call a spade a spade. Many husbands are inconsiderate and insensitive. This attitude even from something as basic as being house trained, extends to how much accountability we give our men in marriages. Adultery is on the rise, Domestic violence is on the rise and threads of this can be traced back to non accountability and responsibility. The roles of husband and wife are no longer 100% traditional. If we both work and we both contribute to the family, why is it okay for a full grown man to get back from work and fling clothes about and not be considerate to you who also works and has to get back home to cook dinner, look over the kids homework, give them a bath, pack their school lunches, have sex if he wants and the 1 million things wives do. But a full grown adult male finds it impossible to tidy up after himself, pay the bills when it is due, take your car to the mechanic when it gets bad etc. Remember that women do all their myriad things almost like clockwork and they don’t even need to be told before they do them. House chores, getting the kids ready for school, packing school lunches etc. All these things cannot be done when it is convenient for you as the wife and mother. You have a duty to your home so you just do it. Tell me then why it is now okay for your husband to do some things that you ask at his earliest convenience or it is okay for him to forget or leave wet towels all over the place etc. You sure did not forget to cook his dinner, screw him the night before or couldn’t be bothered to pick up after him. Compassion for you the wife, accountability, responsibility, all that comes with truly loving and caring for your wife. Not turning her into the house slave because tradition dictates. Even if she is a house wife, she is not a maid. The husband buys the home. In which decade? My husband can’t even tell me to pack out of the house unless he is willing to divide it into bits and pieces. His sweat, my sweat went into the house that we live in. In the first few years of marriage, he wanted to display typical Nigerian man until I stopped my stepford wife duties and left the house in a state for two weeks and did what i liked, when i liked. Gave him a taste of his own medicaine. I let him see himself through my eyes. We had a good long talk and things changed. If being considerate to my feelings and loving me the way Christ loved the church makes him a yes man husband. I LOVE MY YES MAN HUSBAND.

      • Frida October 8, 2013 at 3:44 PM

        GBAAAAAAM!

        • Cynthia October 8, 2013 at 4:51 PM

          QUADRUPLE GBAAAAAM! Let’s get rid of this “woman as eternal slave to man” mentality. And yes, African men too can pick up after themselves and be considerate. I’m not the tidiest person. I am a female. Yet when I share a space with someone else, male or female, I do my best to consider the person’s feelings and keep any shared spaces as neat/clean as possible! Mothers, please raise your sons accordingly.

      • Nnenna October 8, 2013 at 4:54 PM

        Uhmmmm I LOVE YOU!!! So spot on! Men these days are too comfortable with doing the bare minimum in the home and we women need to give them a wake-up call! Times have changed and men need to adapt! What does it say of a man who is comfortable with allowing his 9-5 working wife come home and cook, bathe kids, help them with homework and other myriad of activities on her own without offering assistance! ? Is that love? Let’s not give excuses for bad behavior!!!

      • the mane captain (natural hair & skincare) October 8, 2013 at 5:29 PM

        You’ve taken the words out of my mouth! I don’t think it’s okay for a grown man to be behaving like a child. Even a child will eventually do as told after been told a few times. In this day and age, I see no reason why the woman has to do 90% of the duties at home while the man just comes home to rest, even if he makes more and contributes more financially to the home. I have learned to work around the things I don’t like and just ignore, until the point I can’t ignore anymore and I’ll nag. I believe its up to African women to properly train their sons and daughters in the right way, so that future generations will have a better married like than their parents did. Mothers should watch what they say to their kids (boy or girl), and around their kids. They should also be mindful of the movies their kids watch, I notice abuse is now a common thing in Nigerian movies. It’s now ok for the man to beat the wife anyhow, and this is presented as a common and normal thing to do. I’ll just end here for now

        themanecaptain.blogspot.ca

      • Ruby Suze October 8, 2013 at 10:24 PM

        Thank you for your comment Mrs ‘Yes Man’, it was quite an interesting read I must say. I think though, you may have missed my point. My point was not to say that a beloved husband/wife has no responsibility in terms of housework/chores/child rearing. My point is that we need to ensure that we are not killing ourselves by repeating and nagging and talking and demanding and shouting and repeating and repeating our expectations. It only causes stress and tension. If he/she has not heard the first time or second time, why will the 4th and 5th and 6th time make it any clearer? If they have behaved in that way for ‘x’ amount of years, it is going take a lot more than our presence in their lives for them to change. Me being silent isn’t me buying into a stone age mentality. If you read my previous article on BN (Till food does us part), you will see that I am not a subscriber to sticking to traditional roles. P.S. I find that we women are so quick to quote ‘love your wife as Christ loved the church’ but we are not so comfortable with the prefix about submission…just a thought.

        • banimo October 8, 2013 at 10:34 PM

          on the contrary it’s men that are always quick to quote “be submissive to your husband”

        • Omo October 8, 2013 at 10:55 PM

          O yes we got your point but you also did not state the most important part of the equation which @Mrs Yes Man pointed out. You will not need to state something 3, 4, or even 5 times if your husband put it upon himself to be responsible and show some compassion towards you. Behaviours that put you in a position to be stressed about mentioning a particular thing 10 times shouldn’t be acceptable and swept under the carpet of it takes x years to change from that habit. When is he going to change, when is he going to see the stress that he is putting you under, how can it be okay for him to simply continue his habits while you tolerate him and pick up his slack because you don’t want to nag. That attitude is the attitude of enablers. To nag or to not nag is equally as stressful because the offending party is given the get out of jail card. You nag you undergo stress, you don’t nag you still undergo stress because you are tolerating a man child and both of you have jobs but he is free to fling socks about. A grown ass man still flings his socks on the floor. Even a child after a certain age will know to no longer do that. You will not accept that from your son or daughter after some time, because you would have stressed and stressed to him or her the right thing to do till they listen. I am not a supporter of nagging although I do it but it was quite refreshing to read a fellow Nigerian woman take a stand and call out the men to buckle up and be more responsible. You wrote an article, be prepared to have it critiqued or simply go and sit down. Your mindset should not even be given the light of day because it keeps women down and lets them accept that is okay to act like a house slave while the man can act like a lord. It took him years to be that way, wives just tolerate it and wait for him to change. Until then resume duty of slave. Yes women can quote that last part because men and society can’t get enough of asking us to submit. It is high time we turned the tables and asked them to love us like Christ loved the Church. Dinosaur like you

        • Changing Faces October 8, 2013 at 10:56 PM

          Almost half of the comments are from Mrs Suze… you are the one who missed the point. What if it takes 5 or 6 times for him to understand how unhappy you are with his attitude? As you are soo happily married, you should know that people are different. So, thank God for your great husband, but don’t think that it means you know what every marriage needs.

        • A-z October 8, 2013 at 11:46 PM

          Mrs Ruby Suze, your comments are by far the most mature, well thought out, fair and objective comments I have come across and I’m glad I did, thank you for this piece. God bless you

      • banimo October 8, 2013 at 10:27 PM

        #GBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaM

      • Tiki October 9, 2013 at 5:28 PM

        CHOOOOOP KNUCCCKLLLLEEE!!!

      • Fresh Girl October 10, 2013 at 12:12 PM

        geez…there you go nagging on the blog! phew…

    • Excellence October 8, 2013 at 3:18 PM

      Hey, good piece. And by the way, do review your use of English:
      “…Satisfied with my look, I returned to the spare room and I was in sheer shock. *Stood* before me was a…”
      I could not get the gist of the story until I read it again.

      • Gorgeous October 8, 2013 at 3:46 PM

        Na real madam excellence. Madam perfect and madam nit picky. Mtscheew! These people that feel the need to correct everything they see. Yet cannot compose any story without setting up something similar to a nuclear bomb.

    • www.rootwoo.com October 8, 2013 at 4:06 PM

      those who nag are those that are cleaning up ur mess. i ‘m a guy nd i get angry whenever i visit home frm sch nd see dat d toilet hs nt bn washd for many weeks, cubwebs everywhr, d fans has nt bn cleaned, d kitchen is dirty etc. i think i ve d right to be angry bcos i ‘m d one cleaning up d mess. i ve grown up younger brothers who don’t care nd end up putting al d work on my mum.

    • johnspeaks October 8, 2013 at 4:12 PM

      it boils down to love and proper upbringing. it is believed in africa that the ladies shld take care of d cleaning y d boys play football. so alot of guys have carried that mentality nd hme training into their own marriage.

    • QueenofEverything October 8, 2013 at 4:37 PM

      there’s nagging and there are gentle reminders… sometimes it’s not so much what you’re “nagging” about but how you nag. I’m not married, but I know how to get my boo to get things done without having to repeat the request on numerous occasions ;-)

      • Kike October 8, 2013 at 4:45 PM

        Come back and tell us again in 5 years aftEr you are married. Mrs Yes Man you need to counsel my husband. I am just bone weary. We both face Island traffic every day and I still have wowork to do when I get home while he just rests. It is making me quite resentful and nag more. I have tried everything. Maybe I should just leave the house in a mess like you for one month. My inlaws live close by and come around a lot it won’t even work. Sighing

        • Chic October 8, 2013 at 5:20 PM

          I think one’s upbringing also has a lot to do with this. My friends husband grew up in a house where everyone did chores including his Dad it is not uncommon to find his parents now both well into their sixties in the kitchen cooking I had dinner with them my friends and his parents one time and the Dad was the one washing up after dinner. So her husband is hands on as in she cooks he cleans or he cooks she cleans all depends on who comes home first at the weekend they do it together it comes naturally to him she doesn’t have to remind him. He is not perfect he has habits that annoy her too but because he grew up seeing his dad in the kitchen this became normal for him.

    • mo October 8, 2013 at 4:47 PM

      i am married and its the other way round for us. My hubby is the one with “OCD” but he doesn’t nag. he’s forever picking up after everyone and he does it with little or no complaint. so i guess its just second nature for him…

      • Hmmm October 8, 2013 at 8:36 PM

        Gbam….my hubby’s OCD is driving me mad i just leave the room wen i cant take it. He does all, name it he does it including paying all bills. God bless my hubby.

    • That African Chic October 8, 2013 at 5:04 PM

      Another manual for women. For me, I find that nagging drains a lot of energy from me, so I stopped doing that. Rather I just give you a taste of your own medicine. Just do you have an idea how I felt. So far it seems to be doing a pretty good job

    • the mane captain (natural hair & skincare) October 8, 2013 at 5:31 PM

      You’ve taken the words out of my mouth! I don’t think it’s okay for a grown man to be behaving like a child. Even a child will eventually do as told after been told a few times. In this day and age, I see no reason why the woman has to do 90% of the duties at home while the man just comes home to rest, even if he makes more and contributes more financially to the home. I have learned to work around the things I don’t like and just ignore, until the point I can’t ignore anymore and I’ll nag. I believe its up to African women to properly train their sons and daughters in the right way, so that future generations will have a better married like than their parents did. Mothers should watch what they say to their kids (boy or girl), and around their kids. They should also be mindful of the movies their kids watch, I notice abuse is now a common thing in Nigerian movies. It’s now ok for the man to beat the wife anyhow, and this is presented as a common and normal thing to do. I’ll just end here for now

      themanecaptain.blogspot.ca

    • Smiley October 8, 2013 at 5:34 PM

      Mrs Suze is obviously still on that anniversary getaway high… yet another article reinforcing archaic stereotypes! A neat woman is now labeled stepford wife wannabe, because her husband can’t pick up after himself? When you get off that anniversary high, write another article.

      • Ruby Suze October 8, 2013 at 10:30 PM

        Thanks Smiley, I had an awesome anniversary. If suggesting that we spend less time nagging at our beloveds and use our energy elsewhere is archaic then, I am as old a dinosaur. Looking forward to reading your comments on my next article!

        • Smiley October 8, 2013 at 11:02 PM

          Anxiously waiting for your next article. Maybe you can educate us on how not to be stepford wives…

    • OmoMakun-www.ankarafestla.com October 8, 2013 at 5:49 PM

      The eternal battles of unions! Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. All i can say is pick your battles. Nagging is very draining at times. On the other hand when you now keep quiet, they’ll be asking whats wrong. One really has to take it one day at a time

      • Teekay October 9, 2013 at 1:12 PM

        I don’t know you but God bless you!All Mrs Suze is trying
        to say is ‘Pick your battles!..i have been married four years and
        one of my biggest issues with hubby is his level of disorganization
        around the house.It’s unreal,even after four years!But guess
        what,nagging has gotten me nowhere!I pick after him when I
        can,other times,I just push his stuff into a corner for him and
        expend my energy on other things.My life is a lot easier.I can
        totally relate to the article.Thank you Mrs Suze.

    • The "K" Queen October 8, 2013 at 6:36 PM

      K

    • frances October 8, 2013 at 7:13 PM

      My mum nags and nags abt things she wants my dad to do but it doesn’t solve anytin.he only retreats and gets defensive and ends up doing d opposite of what she wants.I am learning from her though,quiet words spoken with adequate carressing of head and other necessary parts shud do d trick better.e go hard 2do dis instead of nagging but it works faster.God help me o.

      imperfectlyperfect92.wordpress.com

    • Adeola October 8, 2013 at 8:47 PM

      Hmm really interesting. Nagging doesnt work sometimes. Gentle words really do work and men sef ah sometimes its common sense to just help out. I love men who always feel a need to help out

    • Deee October 8, 2013 at 10:28 PM

      I hate how people keep making excuses for men. A grown man should be able to clean up after himself! How do you expect the poor woman to go to work, take care of the kids, cooking and all and still be the one to pick up after a grown man and you think she won’t nag about it. Is she a super being? Later now they’ll say women are the weaker sex but somehow the same weaker sex is expected to shoulder most of the responsibilities that come with marriage!

    • Ruby Suze October 8, 2013 at 10:42 PM

      I didn’t mean to turn this into a battle of the sexes when I wrote this article but, some of interpreted it that way(sigh)…

      Q: if your husband constantly nagged you about/spoke to you about losing weight/your weave/your dress sense/your friends/your makeup/your attitude/your cooking/your lack of cooking/your paying bills/lack of paying bills…how would you feel?

      • Omo October 8, 2013 at 11:11 PM

        If he has valid reasons to nag about then I will examine myself. Find the sense in what he is saying and improve. He won’t have to nag me about it again. Common sense. If it is for my own good – I am a more attractive wife, or to improve my cooking skills, or to stop being fined for late or non payment of bills, or my friends are influencing me negatively and it is affecting my marriage………. Kudos to him for nagging. Same applies for the men. If they stopped acting like 3 year olds, carried their weight around the home or do the small tasks that we ask without reminding them 100 times, we would not need to nag. Nagging has a cause and effect. Dealing with the cause is also key for nagging to reduce or even stop. I am sure @Mrs Yes Man does not need to resolve to nagging. @Kike said above “we both face island traffic and when I get home I still have work to do”. Tell me how a woman that stressed will not nag. What advice do you have for her? I am not a supporter of nagging as it is not a good trait which is where we agree but your approach to stop nagging or solution is not it at all, as it still puts the responsibility on the woman. She has to look within herself, then develop the strength to not nag. Keep quiet, pray before you pick up the socks and all that you wrote. The husband that flung the socks there is probably sitting on the sofa watching Tv. Stone age Mentality. How about writing on Men manage yourselves, , so we don’t have to Manage you. Just a thought? It wouldn’t hurt to challenge the man you know. It doesn’t make you less a submissive wife. Last I checked, To slave till he finally gets with the program is not part of marital vows women take. Compassion lies within love. Men check yourselves.

      • kemzy October 9, 2013 at 1:47 PM

        you dont have to respond to everyone, stop being defensive everyone is entitled to take the message the way they like to.same as the men, that’s why i have different toilet, closet because i cant shout. that’s my choice.

    • Jojo October 8, 2013 at 11:46 PM

      Interesting article , even more interesting diverse opinions. Nagging is horrible that is for certain. However am going just pick a part of what “Mrs yes man” says and concur with her and that is we should truly teach and raise our sons properly to understand that going out and coming back and expecting your food hot and ready, bed laid out, undressing in the living room etc with out lending a hand when they can is ok cause it’s not. I have been married for 6 years now and Ma nagging didn’t help in the first 3 years of marriage. So now on to my son like stink from a skunk on how to keep his clothes in the laundry basket when he comes home from school, his toys back to the play pen. Times are changing and the idea of boys can play and girls should remain in the kitchen has to change. Ma hubby cooks very well, but when he is done its as if a volcano hit that section of the house and believe me its always delicious so I pardon him. I will admit am living with it cause nagging didn’t solve Ma prob it only made it worse. So mothers its up to us to make sure generations of men to come are a lot helpful to their wives.

    • Bess Obarotimi October 9, 2013 at 5:49 AM

      I also feel like such a control freak when I nag. But I mainly only nag my son. Unfortunately the phenomenon of organisation occurs the opposite way round in my house. Don’t get me wrong, I am ANAL clean. Like seriously. I have been dubbed the “Bleach” lady. But organisation just eludes me. I’m always amazed at how organised my hubbies cupboard is. Why does his look so much neater than mine grrrrgh. My fingers weren’t made for organising. The get muddled up easy. My mind can not get to grips with hard work, quick thinking, an abundance of ideas AND being organised at the same time lol. Others may just call this “Scatty”

    • Busayo October 9, 2013 at 10:40 AM

      It is articles like this that empower men to treat women the way they do and encourage women to keep raising their boy child to be the inconsiderate, insensitive men they grow up to become, and the horrid cycle continues.

      This is not to support nagging, but I believe the writer would have done better to present a more balanced view.

      I worry for our future.

    • Deep Soul October 9, 2013 at 11:39 AM

      Err, nagging isn’t built into every woman’s DNA. I am by no
      means a nag…I just think it’s too much of an emotional
      investment…My husband on the other hand, can nag for
      Africa…sometimes I ignore and other times, I just can’t take
      it…. Just like Ruby Suze, I think , “If they have behaved in that
      way for ‘x’ amount of years, it is going take a lot more than our
      presence in their lives for them to change”. I cant see myself
      getting seriously upset about a wet toilet or something similar.
      There are just too many other “realer” issues to deal with and
      devoting my energy to getting upset bcos of a disorganized shelf is
      not gonna happen. If it bothers me too much, I might as well just
      do it..kini big deal? On the other hand tho, I do agree with Mrs
      yesman…..there should be some sort of balance when it comes to
      these things. Leaving everything to the woman is plain
      wickedness…..If you cannot help her do some of it, at least make
      provision for some sort of help…..nanny,cook or something
      similar. Being a woman and running a home no be beans. At all at
      all!

    • paysangirl October 9, 2013 at 4:18 PM

      nagging is a no no. but the men have to step up. Women have been slaves/servants for so long and now when the women demand some accountability on the aprt of the men it becomes a story of ” in my mothers day..” well guess what? this is not your mothers era so brace up guys and be “a man”.
      I would suggest that these men have already been brought up in a certain way and to have certain beliefs. What we can do on our part should be to raise our boys differently so that this women = slaves/househelp nonsense stops with our generation.What say you all???

    • oya October 13, 2013 at 8:07 AM

      I have been married for 17 years so let me tell you that nagging will only work for a particular type of man and that is in the lower percentage of their kind. It amazes me how intolerant we are of other people’s views and resort to rudeness when people are different to us, Ruby Suze is only saying pick your battles, you are not going to change a tiger with large teeth, he has seen his mother and father fight and battle over this same issue and guess who won. And if he comes from a home that the mother was the stronger one , guess we will be the one to call him weak . There has to be a balance and it is not about how long one has been married, there will always be something else. I believe what you can change, work at and what you can’t leave . My house can be a tip most times as I have 3 boys including hubby that are football players but I have learnt to resort to my own sanctuary. My room.
      Sisters 3 things 1.train your children to be considerate , a battle I am working on 2. Pick your battles very carefully , post these comments on men’s sites for reading and maybe it will make some impact. You cant fight qn entire culture. 3. Ladies enjoy yourselves and support each other.
      Ruby suze thanks for the article always love reading from you, you have a lot of wisdom in you. God bless