Aunty Bella: Miss. Pregnant & Afraid He’ll Leave

dreamstime_s_32895907Aunty Bella is our  agony aunt column on BellaNaija. We launched this column in the early days of BN and periodically feature issues sent in by BN readers. We hope the BN family can offer insightful advice.

A BellaNaijarian left this on an article published today.

Please read on and share leave your comments and advice below.

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I am currently dating a Christian guy and we’ve been celibate for a year but last December we broke the rule one morning: we had sex, just once.

I took precautions but I just found out I am pregnant. I will be 24 in a few hours, out of a job for over a month and unable to cater for a child.

He is an orphan, jobless too and deep into church affairs hoping for a job. I feel telling him about our pregnancy will break us, it will test his faith and I have a weird feeling he might break up with me because it will seem like I am a distraction from his faith. we’ve been dating for about 4 years now. I am a confused mess.

BN please help me post, I don’t know if my situation qualifies for an Aunty Bella. Thank you.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime.com

82 Comments on Aunty Bella: Miss. Pregnant & Afraid He’ll Leave
  • d February 18, 2016 at 9:55 pm

    Hum

  • Olivia February 18, 2016 at 9:59 pm

    Tell him, then tell his Pastor/direct report at church.

    • Nonso February 19, 2016 at 12:16 pm

      Stupid comment… @tell his pastor. So that what happens? Didn’t u get wen she said they are both broke people. Mttchhweee….

      • Tosin February 19, 2016 at 1:55 pm

        I saw the sense in Olivia’s comment tho. If the pastor is the type that would fix everything: get them employment, give them good advice, … IF.

  • miss February 18, 2016 at 10:00 pm

    Some will tell u to keep it but remember training a child ain’t easy and u both are practically jobless. Oh, and abortion will haunt you for the rest of your life. Bitter truth. Suit yourself.

    Baba God, provide 4 me o. Almost running mad.

  • Ladi Michael February 18, 2016 at 10:02 pm

    This is a very complicated issue. Both of u are jobless and at the same u are pregnant. My dear God is in control

  • gifted February 18, 2016 at 10:02 pm

    Try and tell him first,b4 u take any decisio.

  • gifted February 18, 2016 at 10:04 pm

    Try and tell him first b4 u take any decision.

  • mgmmma February 18, 2016 at 10:08 pm

    Please which email do we send forward our auntie bella questions to? Thank you

  • AA February 18, 2016 at 10:13 pm

    Tell him the truth!…Distraction to his faith????…and he is not to your own faith?..You both made a mistake, Let him know you are pregnant!…, but be prepared for anything. I personally believe though there are unplanned children, but no child is a mistake………
    …..No one is perfect, don’t be hard on yourself, Pray to God for directions,, We can all come here and give all sorts of suggestions…., but the most important thing is what is God saying ?…Just let him led you on your next line of action….

  • The real D February 18, 2016 at 10:14 pm

    Your pregnancy is a distraction from his faith….the lies we tell ourselves… so it is not his shoki shoki that is the distraction but the consequences is now the one at fault. You are already making excuses for him, I.e so he his not allowed to face the consequences of his actions and we wonder what’s wrong with our men.
    He however has a right to know that both of your actions have resulted in what some may consider natural consequences. I don’t know what the adoption process is in Nigeria but you may want to consider giving your baby up for adoption if you feel you both at this time are unable to provide for the baby.
    Sometimes I can’t wait to see God and ask him some questions, you see married couples praying and fasting, timing the deed around the fertile period, that can comfortably give these babies the best and then some yet no baby. Yet the ones that are struggling that give in just that once na them go swallow one time.

    • Tosin February 19, 2016 at 8:34 am

      “you see married couples praying and fasting, timing the deed around the fertile period…”
      hahahahaha i want to die laughing because I remember this story my “big sis” told me about a couple that had been trying to get pregnant, everytime doctor, everytime test, doctor said “eeeh, but there is nothing wrong with you or you. sperm dey. woman young and healthy. Ha.”
      Until they found out,
      em,
      let’s just say,
      they’d been having outercourse all these years. Loooool. Not everytime prayer, sometimes aim. Shots, net, align, fire, got it? (Please this is potentially offensive to somebody I know, please don’t be offended. )
      #HappyWeekend y’all.

      • Ikido February 19, 2016 at 2:51 pm

        Maybe i am out of touch with modern lingo…but abeg, what is “outercourse”?

      • Mz Socially Awkward… February 19, 2016 at 6:04 pm

        @Ikido, I think Tosin means to imply that the couple didn’t figure out the mechanics of the “do”…

      • Tosin February 19, 2016 at 6:45 pm

        Ikido, i am coming to come and draw a picture for you 🙂 🙂 or you prefer practical Kim K film?
        kidding. let’s aks goggu: google.com/search?q=outercourse

    • Mz Socially Awkward… February 19, 2016 at 6:03 pm

      Hey hon… Just dey greet. xx

  • Ann February 18, 2016 at 10:14 pm

    Get an abortion. Everyone will tell you to be a good Christian and have the child but will not let their sons/brothers marry a single mother, they are also the ones who come here and insult Anna banner, also you’re just bringing a child into this world that you and your boyfriend can’t afford.
    You’re writing to a panel of Nigerians, you already know they’ll tell you to keep the baby and quote the bible so I don’t even know why you’re bothering.

    • Amy February 18, 2016 at 11:24 pm

      I undastan you dear bt I am #Disappointed….

      • kele March 17, 2016 at 2:24 pm

        You will be alright b.

    • Ifeyinwa Mic February 19, 2016 at 12:24 am

      Or no one will want to marry your child if they come from a “broken” home. I joke, i joke (somewhat). I think you should tell the guy and then have the baby and give him up for adoption if you really don’t think you can/want to raise him.

  • Ope February 18, 2016 at 10:15 pm

    Talk to him,leave the pastors and church out of it. Stay strong

  • FasholasLover February 18, 2016 at 10:18 pm

    What do youuuuuuuuuuuu mean by “I took precaution”? You deserve 20 lashes of koboko infused with Jamo pepper and Bonny Kaikai. You straffed without protection in this day and age????

    He is a Christian boi. So, congratulations you are both parents to be. Tell your parents and his that they are about to become grand parents. Lobatan!

  • nene February 18, 2016 at 10:21 pm

    if i was 24, and didn’t have a job with a jobless boyfriend, i would have an abortion. you already committed one sin. my 2 cents. i’m being real. if your boyfriend had a job, i would tell u to keep the child and if your family is well to do, i would keep the child.

  • Ghostmode February 18, 2016 at 10:30 pm

    Talk to him and have faith things will work out just fine. That child will be a blessing to you. Please do not have an abortion it will hunt you for the rest of your life.

  • Halima February 18, 2016 at 10:35 pm

    So he has faith and he – you. Distraction to his faith abi? Babe, what is wrong with you? So he has faith and you don’t. You want to carry the burden alone abi? Cuz you impregnated yourself. When will girls learn? You are 24! Not 14! Tell him. I’m just pissed right now. Faith my foot!

  • ElessarisElendil February 18, 2016 at 10:39 pm

    “I am currently dating a christian guy and we’ve been celibate for a year but last DEC we broke the rule one morning: we had sex, just once.”

    ???????????? The last person that told me this story was my Mother, long story short, she told him, he left, she thought about killing me, she didn’t(Thankfully…….obviously), we turned out fine(she remarkably better than me………….obviously). The problem here is you both being jobless. My two kobo, tell him, you never know, maybe he’s one of the good ones, endure your parent’s disappointment, you’ll need them and if my Mother is anything to go by, work very hard on your people skills, some of my earliest memories are being tossed around my Mother’s co-staff, she somehow managed to convince her bosses to let her occasionally smuggle me into work after school.

    Good luck! I’m hoping many years from now the tale of how you posted your dilemma for nosy strangers to advice you on is something you and your kid laugh about.

    • Mz Socially Awkward… February 19, 2016 at 6:20 pm

      That’s deep… there could have been no ElessarisElendil to josh us on BN. 🙂

      Seriously though, @ the writer – please take particular note of the above comment. It’s hard to be where you are right now, so young and without a job, worrying about whether this man in your life will stay. Who have you spoken to beside the strangers in blogosphere? I’m wondering if there’s any adult in your life that you can turn to, for advice? And my own honest counsel is not to abort that baby. Being pregnant is not akin to having cancer – in other words, it’s not the end of your world. We’ve all made mistakes in our own different ways and the life you carry might end up being your child to keep or to give away to someone else but please don’t allow fear lead you to terminate it.

      I truly wish I could physically do more for you right now, when you need so much help. Goodness, you sound so young… 🙁

  • Truth February 18, 2016 at 10:40 pm

    My dear people will act all holier than thou here. My advice get a “safe abortion”
    Are you and ur partner financially, emotionally and psychologically ready to have a child. The answer is probably no.
    Never bring a child into the world you can’t cater for. It’s an injustice to that child. Two jobless ppl can’t raise a child.

    • youarewickef February 18, 2016 at 11:36 pm

      You are wicked. Abortion? Supposing she dies? Supposing she looses her womb? Supposing she never gets pregnant again? Supposing, supposing???????

      • Krasavitsa February 19, 2016 at 1:22 am

        Did you read “safe abortion”? It’s called that for a reason. Miss aunty bella. This is YOUR decision. Tbh you have to take an honest look at you life and ask your self if you can keep the baby. Are you stable financially,do you have a good support system (family, friends), are you ready to have a baby? Because, a mother isn’t one that gives birth to a child – it’s one that provides for the child within her means and is completely dedicated to it. Is the guy ready for this? The least of your worries should be “will he stay?”. In the event he doesn’t, are you willing to raise it alone? Are you ready to be turned down by men for being a single mum? (This is Nigeria , most men don’t want to marry single mums. It’s sad but true). If your answer to all these is Yes! Then, by all means keep it, babies are God’s gifts. If no, consider giving it up for adoption or aborting it. I think the whole “it’ll haunt you for life” is bs. Gone are the days that D/C was the answer to any form of missed period. These days, there are very safe drugs (of course with some risks. ALL drugs come with risks). If abortion pills were that dangerous, the FDA, NAFDAC, etc would have banned them by now. You have to do what’s best for YOU.

      • Tosin February 19, 2016 at 8:09 am

        I am in support and would really love to help. The problem is I don’t know anything about where one can go for advice and support around here. If anybody has a trusted contact please share it here so that this young lady can go and safely get the health care she needs.

        So here goes my own story.
        Long time ago in a galaxy far far away, I went to bed with a guy. He was my first kiss, then first make-out, first dick I touched, first all that. We’d been making out for well over a year. I was a recovering spirikoko born-again Christian so it wasn’t going to be trivial for me to forget all the messages about how you should avoid boys because they’ll give you belleh and ruin your life.
        Anyway, the part of the gist you want to hear: we finally “went to bed,” I wasn’t really happy or comfortable with things, and I thought it was painful and I was too scared and tense to go along with it even though the poor boy kept singing “just the tip, just the tip” so I left and I was really sad and scared and aching sore and feeling like the lowest person ever.
        And I was sure I had HIV, gono(spelling?), and probably little twins growing in my belleh. All because I wouldn’t hear word. This was Friday night. In Yankee. So I get the numbers for planned parenthood the next day. I go all the way out to their offices – Closed. I contact the health adviser in my dorm. She failed to advice me. I found out later it’s because she was a Christian, she didn’t believe in giving me the useful health-based advice. (And when I found out – later – I called to tell her she shouldn’t have done that. She shouldn’t have been in that post if she couldn’t do the job right.) All weekend I’m listening to Yanni (Tribute), miserable, don’t know what to do. I don’t tell the guy anything because of course I didn’t think he was a betta person like that. He wasn’t someone I trusted to have my best interest at heart, just someone I made out with in the hallways.
        Come Monday morning I go to the Health Center on campus. Hisssss. Ashayyyy the whole campus was there to collect their morning-after pill from their own respective Friday night indiscretions. I got an HIV test (never went back to check), some counselling (standard pre-HIV testing procedure in the nineties I guess…e.g. what would I do if I learned I was dying? my answer was I would write. READ MY BOOKS… 🙂 ) and then they gave me the pill.
        I took the medicine. I hate medicine. I was at my on-campus job with this gross feeling like extra-extra PMS hormones. I told myself it would never happen again. It was almost two years later before another boy got in my pants. By this point I felt more in control. I was probably older than him. Condom first before any action. He finished and got up and FLED. I kid you not. Boys, eh, they have psychological problems loooool.

        So guess what? After I finally had a little sex in life, I thought about this whole thing and was like, but we didn’t have sex nah. I left before he could actually get the sex thing to work lol. Hmmm. O di egwu. All that grief over a shag that did not happen. We became online friends recently and I told him what I’d gone through. He was omg soooo sorry. He said we didn’t have sex. He was older, more experienced, thought I knew what it was, no I didn’t.

        Moral of the story: it is better to be knowledgable than to just not know anything. (I hate how we’re supposed to not know anything about sex. That is rubbish. Go and study anatomy. Get a mirror. Watch porn. Get a sexuality textbook. Read some sociology.)
        If you go into a sexy-time situation with a fair assessment of your likelihood of having sex, you will carry your condom with you. If you go into a sexy-time situation deceiving yourself that you won’t have sex, you’ll do just the tip, you’ll withdraw when it is sweeting the most, that’s when belleh will be your case.

        (I’m just going to be crass now and add this: sometimes when I need to hang out with a person, and we’re pretty attracted, but they’re married. I’ll make sure I chop before leaving home so that hunger will not be catching me outside. And it’s safer and easier to quickly feed myself than start looking for who will help me, they will now start doing shakara. Ben Bruce would say it’s just common sense. )

        Other moral of the story: There is a lot of bad advice out there. Sometimes your mother will just beat you, a random neighbour will just abuse you, why, because you had a shag? The same shag that they all have, that animals all have? What is their own? Then you’ll go and meet a pastor, they’ll add their own hypocrisy. Meet a healthworker, they’ll give you another superstition. Like some have said, please be rational here (whatever you choose to do) and may God bless your life.

        THIS WAS SOOO LONG, but you know it comes from my heart. I feel like she is my sister. Please somebody help her with a place where she can get safe expert healthcare.

  • Halima February 18, 2016 at 10:47 pm

    Tell the ‘faith’ boy. Think and think again. Abortion should be the last resort. Babies are lovely, if you keep the baby you may be glad you did.

  • fan February 18, 2016 at 10:56 pm

    Anybody suggesting abortion for you will never have peace,see how so easy it sound.you have made the mistake,tell him you are pregnant and also let your family know.don’t think of abortion dear,God will see you through.sin is sin

    • Chiclero February 18, 2016 at 11:48 pm

      So with this your cursing people about their own opinion you think you’re better off and more entitled to peace??????

    • ki lo fa curse February 19, 2016 at 7:00 am

      You need a mental check, so. People should be scared of airing their opinions now for the fear of being cursed out by a frustrated gtc like. U. We all. Know how. Things work in Nigeria and as much as I detest abortion and am a single mum myself @22 that’s not enough. Reason to start raining curses on whoever gets one. Fan abi ki loruko e u better chill out and next time you curse here the kain curses wey I go dash you u no go fit wash am fr red sea o. Don’t even try me #OmoIbadan Nimi mehn

  • The voice February 18, 2016 at 11:04 pm

    Don’t get an abortion. That is the easy way out. Even the so called safe ones. Ask people who are struggling today after just ONE abortion. Single motherhood is hard, let me tell you but you will survive. Some people will say why bring a child into a world where it will suffer. Have the baby and give it up for adoption then. You can tell people the baby died if you wish, but you have a blessing on your hands, that happened just the one time. Blessings that many have gone all over looking for. Give yourself 9 months to decide what to do. Abortion while not easy is really the easy way out. You see that christian boyfriend that you have, let me tell you now, if he says he is okay with the abortion, he is telling you that to not deal with the trouble involved or being forced to marry you, but best believe that you will have the abortion and he will NOT marry you. You will be seen in his eyes as a scarlet woman. I know their type. After committing the sin of abortion, then you won’t be good enough for him anymore as if you got pregnant by yourself. He will go ahead and marry one church “virgin” sister. Then you will be on the sidelines hating yourself even more. Just think about that, in case you want to do it for him, because the one you are already blaming yourself for distracting him from his faith, as if you are the one that gave him the erection. Girl, you have to think of yourself here and your future o. Sounds like you may not have the money for a procedure in a good hospital. So ask yourself, is the stigma of a single mother worse than that of a woman that can’t have children? How he reacts to this pregnancy will tell you everything that you need to know. Keep that baby, give it up if you can, give it to a relative in the village to take care of while you sort yourself out. Whatever you do, don’t mortgage your future for christian brother. they are not loyal half the time

  • Author Unknown February 18, 2016 at 11:11 pm

    Once is all it takes, sometimes. Just curious as to what type of precaution you took – prayer? Just kidding. I believe in the efficacy of prayer, just not as a form of sexual protection. Just remember that this is a pregnancy. The longer you wait…You have both made this baby, but the ultimate decision is yours. This is not your church or pastor’s problem. It’s yours.

    Does your situation qualify for an Aunty Bella? Heck yes.

  • My2cent February 18, 2016 at 11:21 pm

    Abortion is not a viable option dear girl. Tell the guy and inform your parents. Of course they will be disappointed but ideally should support you. I am an unmarried single mother of one and the pregnancy I chose not to abort will be a young lad of 10 in a few months. It will be tough but worth it in the end. So its time to be brave gal! By the way I am richer and better well placed now than the nit wit who insisted I had an abortion. Guess whose laughing now with a handsome son to boot. Choose life and choose right.

  • fish brain girls February 18, 2016 at 11:29 pm

    this thing tire me o.

    this one that suddenly ye all turn to aunty Bella for advice.

    tell me ehn, tell me

    1. when d guy was toasting u, did u ask aunty Bella?
    2. when u gree for d guy, did u ask mother Bella?
    3. when he was buying u food clothes shoes…did u ask father Bella?
    4. b4 having sex or during it, did you ask brother Bella?

    NOW u con get belle u dey ask bella to help you with your belle. IF you are matured enough to do all the above, you should be matured enough to go thru this as well.

    Tell me again, no condom for your village?

    assuming condom finish for your village, them no get pharmacy around wey they sell after sex pills?

    OK no condom no pharmacy, y d guy no pull out?

    OK d guy no pull out, y didn’t you wash up immediately and do d natural remedy?

    OK you didn’t do the natural remedy, what took you so long to know you are Preggy?

    you no know when your period miss or lost?

    I no believe u say na once. d head in my stomach no believe u kobo”

    abegi

    • Tosin February 19, 2016 at 9:08 am

      Please educate. i know condom, which one is natural remedy? I don’t think there is such a thing a wash-yansh o, Uncle Fish.
      The best contraception is abstinence (otherwise put ya raincoat.)

  • tee February 18, 2016 at 11:32 pm

    This is me dragging your ears ,eti e melo?

    Madame ,I am over 30,never had an abortion, trying for a child .I guess I have earned the right to talk on this matter .

    No body gave you a child, not him ,not you. Its God ,a man can sleep with you in every position possible and you would not hear pa let alone po if God doesn’t want you yet,babe have you raised your legs up after sex before ? I have ,imagine the guilt I would have felt if I had gotten pregnant without plan and had an abortion.

    Children bring blessings, look forget all the Englishwe are sspeaking and forming posh over. Life is very spiritual . Don’t ever live your life to impress anyone ,who cares if you are not to have sex,you have had it …lobatan . Babe if he the guy is a brokus and act up, let him go…God is still in the business of answering prayers. Hang it on his neck,you didn’t have an abortion, you sinned ,forgive me and make sure you don’t backslide because of this,if your eyes are pushing you in your church,go to another ,lagos is full of them ,choose as you like .

    My dear,God does not make a mistake oooo ,just in case you don’t know .Tell the father and let God be God for you . Good luck

    • A-nony February 19, 2016 at 12:30 pm

      Tee, for this thing that you wrote above, before the end of this year, your baby will be in your arms! Just start singing and dancing. And start exercising your back, cuz you back your baby this year!

  • Bae February 18, 2016 at 11:34 pm

    Lmao. He is deep into church affairs but you guys were staffing. I guess he isn’t deep enough if you’re worried about telling him

  • memebaby February 18, 2016 at 11:35 pm

    i do not get it… do you want a baby ? can you cater for yourself and a baby if he decides to leave you ? if your answer is yes keep it, if no, find the nearest clinic and speak to a doctor, I don’t know much about abortion in Nigeria ..Personally, one has to be very practical and also be CAUTIOUS ! if you are having sex and you don;t want babies.. get birth control and be very mindful … I do not care for a boyfriend or knack mate.. it’s all about me and how i feel and not if he is a church boy or not.

  • Amy February 18, 2016 at 11:43 pm

    Advice as a medical personnel in training…its easy for people to suggest abortion,apart from it being a grave sin, medically it’s illegal so a very qualifed doctor will be hard to get( nobody wants to lose license that they worked really hard for) and psychologically it is something that will stay with you for life….women who have had to go through abortion because of medical issues are having a tough time getting over it,let alone you who is perfectly okay to carry a child….I’ve been opportune to have a convo with a lady who had an abortion,and according to her,its the worst mistake she has ever made in her life, even though it seemed to be the best in the situation she found herself…So dear, tell your man and your family about God’s gift your womb, no matter what he or your family says or does, nne carry your baby to term and give birth …two wrongs won’t and can’t make a right….the Lord is in control

    • Ope February 19, 2016 at 1:22 am

      @Amy,well said. Having a baby is not a disease,bn a single mum isn’t too. In your own case,You’re yet to talk the bro pius. Babies are blessings,wonderful gifts. Please,go to the nearest clinic,register for antenatal. Birds don’t have pots nor stores.,yet they feed everyday. I wish you smooth nine months,no stillbirth,no complications. Safe delivery and divine transformation

    • ★chigo February 23, 2016 at 2:03 am

      I know u… Kc
      But then its well said wouldn’t have said it Berra… We share the same walls in the hospital….
      And we both are in editorial cmda

  • Enoh February 19, 2016 at 12:04 am

    Keep you child. He is a blessing! Just be ready to work hard, with faith you can make it.

  • Dr.N February 19, 2016 at 12:05 am

    I had a similar case once. She told ths man, he asked her to abort. She came to me for d abortion. I talked her out of it and asked her to convince him to marry her because
    a. She had an income
    b. He had an income
    c. She was 35 plus
    d. I knew her family would be excited about a suitor.
    He paid her brideprice. Unfortunately, she lost d pregnancy at home but he stuck by her.
    My advice: Let him know and then tell your parents. You can go into seclusion, have d baby n give him away. There will be rumors but people will never be sure.
    Do not make it your responsibility to nurture his faith. And don’t feel too bad that you got caught the 1st time. In a few years you will forget all the hardship. E hugs

    • hyo February 19, 2016 at 12:35 am

      when d marriage starts having issues, we ll hold u responsible. she should talk him into marrying her? hmm.

      probably he never wanted her as a wife. when he starts maltreating her at home na, u won’t be there and be screaming fire om the man

      they married cos of d pregnancy not their wish cos if they wanted it, they could have married b4 oregano came into d equation

    • kele March 17, 2016 at 2:35 pm

      You asked her to convince him to marry her? Wawuuuuu

  • Person February 19, 2016 at 12:23 am

    I live abroad, so if it were me, I would be getting an abortion. The abortion pill or in-clinic procedure depending on far along you are. But I would not do it without telling the dude. The decision is yours ultimately but you have to be ready for all consequences – guilt, breakup with the bf and if you are in Nigeria, a potentially unsafe process. Wish you all the best.

    • huh February 19, 2016 at 3:00 pm

      what does i live abroad have to do with the story on ground???

  • Luna February 19, 2016 at 12:34 am

    GO ahead love tell him. If he’s truly a Christian he wouldn’t deny you and hes child because you both tested the forbidden frui together. Don’t be worked out about this, it happens. Tell him and if he’s man enough he will step up, but if he’s not take him to God and let God deal with him while you take care of your child. Good luck baby girl.

  • Ope February 19, 2016 at 1:42 am

    @sub this is not for you. But I must commend all Single mums out there,for bringing those cute angels into this world,giving them the opportunity to live their own lives. Even after my ungrateful brothers denied their responsiblities,left you to go through all the stages alone. The Lord is your strength. None of you shall bury your kids.You all shall live long and live well to eat and enjoy the fruit of your labour. Keep staying strong,regard to your Angels

  • Honeycrown February 19, 2016 at 2:08 am

    My dear sister, your situation pass Aunty Bella matter o! First of all plenty e-hugs to you. I think you need to stop making excuses for him. You both did the deed together. As for the pregnancy, tell him. You never know, he may accept it. And if not, tell your parents or any adult you can confide in and go from there. As for abortion, I will say no …. Since you’re both Christians, you should also involve the church too. A true Christian church will still accept and love you in this situation.

  • PD Young Billionaire February 19, 2016 at 3:08 am

    My dear,go and marry.Do not abort that baby.You are both old enough to marry.

  • miini February 19, 2016 at 3:40 am

    1. Joblessness is not a permanent condition so I dbt understand why that should be the basis for an abortion.
    2. Your boyfriend seems to be more religious than spiritual, esp if he allows you to believe u are distracting him from his faith. Spiritual men take responsibility for their sins.
    3. A decision taken out of acute emotion is almost always a bad one. You are most likely more concerned abt d shame than the joblessness. That is one very potent device d devil employs, the twin sis is guilt
    4. God is a loving God. He is so loving he helps us even in our own hand made mess. If u think of that love, u will find strength.
    5. Has ur boyfriend ever hinted abt marrying u? If yes then d pregnancy sudnt hold so much gloom. It’s just that u guys put d cart b4 d horse. If he doesn’t wanna marry u, dnt force him; that never ends well.
    6 iv always known that if I get pregnant out of wedlock, d temptation to get an abortion will be real so what has happened to u ain’t uncommon to man, but I also prayed somewhere in my mind dt God will strengthen me to do d ryt thing.
    7. This week in my center an autopsy was carried out on a 20yr old girl who had an unsafe abortion done. She probably wasn’t ready to bear d shame but obviously now she can’t even bear anything.
    8. If u have a good support system I think u sud have ur baby and move on with life. If u don’t, find one. 24 aint a kid. Relocate if u have to, hibernate, change church, whatever it takes to make d process easier. Whatever doesn’t kill u in life only makes u stronger. I’m sure u wnt be d same woman after ds experience. Dnt use ur logic and calculation, just hang it on God and let Him see u thru coz he is just that kind of God…merciful and faithful.

    Cheers

  • this was me February 19, 2016 at 3:42 am

    i can’t imagine what you’re going through but you’ll be fine, trust me!
    don’t have an abortion. tell him and tell your parents and maybe the pastor. if at the end he doesn’t want anything to do with the baby, guess what difficult situation brings the strongest part of us. ask for wisdom… think about the future not just the moment! you might feel like you’re hopeless but trust me few years down the line you’d be happy that you kept the baby!! things change, and yours will change for the good. aborting a baby will haunt you and the guilt you carry cannot be compared to anything worse.
    honestly, God will give you the support you need… this is from someone who is a single mother and I’m just 26! it was rough at the beginning, i didn’t have a job and my mum was extremely disappointed. my baby girl is 3 and she has made me the young woman i am today. i grew up fast, her father abandoned us, when he heard he ran away and i was left to take up all the responsibilities. God has been faithful, very faithful…
    keep the baby cause you will survive through it all.
    take care!!

  • Miss Fine February 19, 2016 at 4:57 am

    My dear sister, please do not have an abortion. You have no idea what kind of blessing this child is coming to bring into your life. Yes it will not be easy, but you have to stay strong. Build up the courage and tell your boyfriend. If he is truly a devoted Christian he will stand by you. If he doesnt it isnt the end of the world, there are many single mothers (in Africa) who are successful. If he decides to leave you will not be the first single mother and definitely not be the last. Stay strong and keep your head up.

  • Tosin February 19, 2016 at 7:35 am

    Oh dear.
    You’re pregnant. Talk to a mature person that cares (parent, Dean, grandparent, that elderly neighbour) and talk to a doctor today. Not next week; baby’s growing. Not one anyhow person that will go and use you for sacrifice.

    If your Holy Bobo was such a good person you’d be talking to him and living happily ever after. But it seems like you feel he’s not that reliable, you feel that he’s a fake-ass crowd-pleasing motherfucker. (and yet you want to hold on to him for dear life, even when YOU are drowning. WHAT IS WRONG WITH AFRICAN WOMEN? Save yourself first.) You can decide afterwards what to do with him. OR ANOTHER WAY, if you really think he’s a good and caring man that loves you, talk to him and ask him to get a job and pay for your health care. HE gave you belleh, you did not give yourself, before he starts getting all righteous on you.

    Just once, lmaooo. Kids, just once? Just once? I can’t laugh.

  • zarah baby loke loke February 19, 2016 at 8:12 am

    1. D deed has already been done u can’t come nd die. U won’t b d first neither will u b d last
    2. Abortion v keeping d baby: worst thing that can happen in both scenarios
    Abortion: ull lose ur womb / die
    Keeping the baby
    1. ur life is goin to b on a standstill for atleast a year nd 3 months.
    2. People would definitely talk and all.
    .As regards how to handle that
    1. Focus on the big picture he could be our next president or a very influential person nd he’ll wipe away your tears
    2. change of environment.
    For the brother of faith I like that you’re making excuses to prepare yourself in case he denies it . Don’t worry with or without him you can be fine and you will in Jesus name. This is your own valley of the shadow of death, don’t b a coward and James 1:2 says count it all joy when trials and tribulations come for they are a test of your faith and you shall come out stronger and better. Look at this in the positive.
    E-hugs and prayers for u.
    You can like to reach me via zeeaboyade@gmail.com
    The Lord is your strength . I perfectly understand what you are going through. Worse when u never intended to go down low nd this is not your real person . It is well my darling
    P.S sorry for the typos

  • Cookie Lyon February 19, 2016 at 8:47 am

    my dear, just do whatever your conscience can carry. For me, if i’m to abort for any man, he must never know. i’ll do my thing “jejely” and move on. Especially this kind of broke-ass Holier- than-thou kinda dude. i would never bring a child to come suffer for my sins.. Some pple will come and start yarning but pls save the hypocrisy for your children.

    • Dede February 19, 2016 at 2:34 pm

      Which one is hypocrisy? That you choose to be aborting upandan makes you the honest one? Oloshi

    • jhennique February 20, 2016 at 7:58 pm

      Please if you are gonna be cookie, at least be smart

  • Aanuolutomiwa February 19, 2016 at 9:29 am

    I wont suggest an abortion, mum got preg of me and dad asked her to abort, she did abortion thrice but i didn’t flush, they got married after having me but there was ds struggle, when i was 5 they got divorced, mum remarried when i was 10 and we were living happily but she didn’t give birth until after 12years
    Moral of the story: The plan of God is entirely different from ours, imagine her thought abt the abortions she made when she couldn’t conceive, what if i had flushed and she couldn’t make it still or she died.
    Think twice and just know that some people had passed and faced that stage earlier, you can’t die from the shame of carrying the pregnancy or of being a single parent

  • eyejee February 19, 2016 at 9:52 am

    Dear Bella is there a way to reach out to the girl in question. I feel a need to help her through this having had a similar experience

    • Zee February 19, 2016 at 5:25 pm

      @eyejee how did you face it? I will love to know. Thanks Bella Naija for posting this. Thanks to everyone who gave in time to comment.

  • Lili February 19, 2016 at 9:54 am

    Situations like this just spur me on to open a charity for ladies in this situation, where the true, agape love of God would be experienced, not the hypocritical mess we Christians display regarding this issue.

    Sorry for my epistle, it’s coming from a loving heart who wants you to make the right decision for eternity:

    My dear, don’t believe the lies that nobody would marry you. I know someone who had a child out of wed-luck, and she’s invited me for her wedding. Your options might be slimmer in terms of men, yes, but you’re only going to marry one (hopefully) anyway 🙂 . I’m not sure what faith you are, but sounds like a Christian ‘sympathiser’. Get real and clean with God – i.e give your life to Christ and live your life out for Jesus. There’s a Ghanaian minister, this woman is FIRE as per leadership stuff, quite known in the UK but she had a child out of wed-luck and both are doing FABULOUS – IT’S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD HONEY!
    I’d say, tell him, and if he suggests an abortion, get on your knees and THANK GOD FOR DELIVERING YOU FROM A MAN WHO CAN’T TAKE RESPONSIBILITY! You don’t need such as a leader of your home. Pick the pieces of your life and have your child. If you have a relative that lives elsewhere that would be happy to take you in, move away and learn/start a trade. Sometimes, we’re blessed with great friends like family that have got our back. If you have such and you trust they’ll take you in, move in with them. Invest in your life to be the best Mama you can be to your child. Contact orphanages that can help you raise the child until your financial situation improves, but please don’t abandon him when it does. If you have a degree, go online and search for scholarship opportunities that could enable you further your study elsewhere in the future after you have your baby. Make contact with NGOs that run free skill acquisition sessions or at a discounted rate that you can afford and learn something e.g. makeup, hair styling, decoration, making small chops etc; let nothing be beneath you. Volunteer at first if they’ll agree without you paying and hopefully, a good boss could give you money tokens (pray that God’ll guide you to a good one) and might even take you on as a staff.

    Heard of the story of the bread seller who’s now as house owner + other bounties when she casually walked passed T.Y. Bello’s photo shoot? There’s dignity in labour. Would this have happened if she just sat begging and bewailing her circumstance? She got up to sell bread and bang, is a model now if i got the story right? There’s always a way out my dear, and my take is, ABORTION IS NOT AN OPTION.

    You know, sin has consequences and we all have sinned. Thing is, some consequences are more visible than others, like in your case but as long as you REPENT, GOD WILL NOT HOLD THIS SIN AGAINST YOU! It’s all been forgiven and your slate has been wiped clean. Humans would remind you of it, the unfortunate consequence of your situation, but my dear, console yourself in the truth that people would always talk; it shows their preoccupation with business that is not theirs – AMEBO!

    Please, please, please, this is not the end of the world! Keep that baby and move on with your life. The decision is ultimately yours. I pray for God’s guidance, wisdom and the courage to do the right thing for yourself in Jesus name, amen. Love you much dear, e-hugs xoxo.

  • Great Lady February 19, 2016 at 10:05 am

    My dear don’t commit an abortion. You’ve already committed fornication don’t add to your sin by having an abortion. It’s unfortunate that most people are encouragin you to have an abortion. We belong to a generation that want to live life without any responsibility. You should know that choices we make have consequences attached to them.
    So now, tell your bf. If he’s really a child of God, he won’t leave. If he leaves then you know your christian brother doesn’t truly live God or you.
    Truly repent from your sins and trust God to care for both you and the child.

  • Great Lady February 19, 2016 at 10:07 am

    Isn’t it funny that you feel the baby will bring shame to you, that means we all know that sleeping with the opposite sex outside marriage is wrong.

  • cupid February 19, 2016 at 10:33 am

    BNers, i raise my left yansh for most of you oh…
    Hypocrites!!!!!!
    Yes
    Bashing Anna Banner for being a babymama
    Then turn around and offer a shoulder to another dramaqueen in making……
    Bunch of Lai Mohammeds

  • miss N February 19, 2016 at 12:02 pm

    let me share my experience with you.
    i got pregnant a month to graduating from the uni. my boyfriend who was a year older and doing his national service would not hear about it.
    i took a bold decision to keep the baby….i was jobless waiting for national service posting…it was tough…ppl talked behind my back but i was determined to keep the baby. God saw me through it all…i basically depended on my national service allowance. God being so good i got employed with the firm i did national service with…..fast forward 6 years down the line…here i am… a career woman… with everything a woman could ask for and back in school to do my masters. God dey…put all your trust in him….u never know what plans He has for u

  • Fufuniski February 19, 2016 at 12:12 pm

    We have all been in situations where we were deathly frightened to tell someone something, because we feared for their reaction. Only for us to finally gather the courage, and spill the beans. Only, their reaction was not even close to what we expected.
    You many be pleasantly surprised by your BF, so the only thing I’ll advice you, is to tell him.

    ** As to those bringing up Anna Banner in relation to hypocrisy, I don’t think the issue lies with her being a baby mama in genaral, but rather her being Flavour’s BM. Anna and Sandra’s kids are less than a year apart (I believe 10 months), so Anna got pregnant almost immediately after Sandra. It calls into question how a lady can sleep with man whose girlfriend just had a baby!

  • Alternate February 19, 2016 at 12:54 pm

    When your fear wants to eat you up before the situation presents itself…
    You need to KNOW that you would get past all the phases of ‘him finding out’, ‘you and your child ‘ and that all these issues would become a thing of the past soon.
    Take the eye of the future you, say in ten years, and look back on yourself now. You can play out whatever variation of what future you could have. You’d realise that a freely and thoroughly-happy future you, could come from being a strong and brave person today. Everybody else would fall in line with how you decide to treat and present yourself!
    You’ve got bigger things to achieve! Don’t let fear distract you. People have had much worse case scenarios… Some choose out, some forget themselves in the pain and wallow.

  • Aleesha February 19, 2016 at 1:02 pm

    I’ve always wondered though. If abortion is an option in situations of financial hardship, what then is a couple to do if they lose their means of livelihood. Kill the children they already have?

  • hawt stuff February 19, 2016 at 3:51 pm

    My dear, I have a feeling that you already know that the guy would not be pleased with this pregnancy. You have 2 options (1) Have an abortion – you need a huge dose of mental courage to go through with that and it may work to your favour. I grew up in a rough neighborhood, I saw how some single mothers handled their kids, those kids grew up so fast. They didn’t have the luxury childhoods (2) Tell your boyfriend…it takes 2 to make a baby. Besides, don’t you have faith or do you believe you will both remain jobless forever. On he hand, if he messes up please don’t hesitate to tell your church pastor. Don’t be ashamed of being pregnant and go into hiding(unless you parents are like Margaret Thatcher)

  • Osaretin February 19, 2016 at 7:59 pm

    my dear. hugs overdose! please tell him. if he lives you that’s his loss. but please don’t consider abortion even for a second….sounds tough but honestly you are old enough to be a mother. Congrats and safe delivery. God is with you.

  • Sha sha sha February 20, 2016 at 2:33 am

    Babe…the decision you have to make is for YOU and you alone. You as a pregnant woman will bear any and all consequences of having or not having the child. Decide what you want for you before you do anything. Only when you have chosen what your heart wants should you factor in your bobo, parents, church etc.

    Me I had an abortion when I was 22. Same old story. Boyfriend of 2yrs, messed up my birth control and didn’t hesitate to have an abortion. I was in the middle of my Masters program and was not ready to jeopardise my impending future.

    That boyfriend has now been my husband for 8yrs and we have two children. Would I change what I did? No. Does it haunt me? No. I made a choice I could live with and so I did. I know many don’t want to hear it but there are millions of women who are grateful for their abortions. I am one of them. That is what worked for me. No idea what works for others.

    Going back to my original point. Make your decision for you and only you. You know what you can live with and what you cannot. This is the time to put yourself first. Good luck and take heart. Ultimately, whatever you decide it won’t be the end of the world.

  • Tosin April 4, 2016 at 1:47 pm

    Following up, I’m taking a health class and learned just now of :
    Misoprostol.
    Disclaimers:
    – Abstinence is the most effective protection.
    – If abstinence is not the way for you, condoms are effective protection against STDs and unwanted pregnancy. Be honest with yourself and if you’re going to do it, do it, and be safe about it. If I had a daughter I’d mostly be concerned about safety (including emotional safety, and less about morality, because too much concern with morality can lead to deceiving yourself sometimes. )
    – There are what used to be called ‘morning after’ pills for use in case of an oopsy-mistake within maximum 72 hours of intercourse. I think nowadays they sing about postinol or something like that (Olamide, I think it was).
    – In case that stage has been passed, and if the decision has been made to terminate a pregnancy within (ask google, something like a maximum of 12) weeks of pregnancy, you have several healthy options and misoprostol it appears is one of them.
    – It also appears that you (and every woman) have a right to sexual and reproductive health care…some of which I’m learning about in my health class. But even some health professionals may not be completely helpful so you can try and educate them 🙂
    Thank you for your attention. Be safe.

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