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Hey Everyone!!!
Hope your week is going well…mine has been good so far.
Anyways, I was talking to a good friend of mine today and we got into this lonnnnnnng discussion (more like an argument really…)
So here is the question:

Ladies if your man was cheating on you, would you want your friends to tell you?

Think about this really carefully before you answer! Also, for the friends, if you knew your best friend’s man was cheating, would you tell her? what if it was at the beginning of their relationship and he hasn’t done anything since? what if she is married or engaged?

This is such a hot topic for me soooo please let us know…guys feel free to answer from your perspective as well!!!!

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  1. Anonymous

    November 15, 2007 at 12:09 am

    I’d like to if my hubby was cheating. however, if i knew my friend’s hubby is (which i know) i am not telling for fairly obvious reasons. mainly as a lady i know that unless i am ready to break off a relationship no matter what pple say i will still stay. and in most cases there are obvious signs when a man is cheating that we as ladies are willing to ignore. so why tell, when i know i will be turned into a “hater.”

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    November 15, 2007 at 12:30 am

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  3. Anonymous

    November 15, 2007 at 12:49 am

    Yeside your link aint working its going sumwhere else…ABout the topic infact its worse whne you find dat one of your parents is cheating and dont know whether to tell the other or not becos you dont want them to break up!! Now thats a dilemma!

  4. × it` is what is™

    November 15, 2007 at 1:12 am

    I can’t even answer this question its a very complicated issue..Thats all Imma say…

  5. CrouchingAngel

    November 15, 2007 at 1:37 am

    left to me,i would love to be told if my man is cheating,i have ALWAYS BEEN TOLD funny enough through one of my nearest and dearest.but i would never go back to the guys and say blah blah told me.oh no.

    but in the past when i had told girls that their men were creeping,even my own flesh and blood.see as i was turned into public enemy oh.

    now,i asses what stage the relationship is in,or better still send an anonymous email to her with details of what i know.its now left to her to choose to discuss it with her friends first?or attack him first?i dont know.
    this really depends on a lot.

  6. Anonymous

    November 15, 2007 at 1:38 am

    I would want to know if my SO was cheating, and it depends on what time of friend it is, if its a good friend, I would tell her, because if it comes out that I knew and didnt that would be much worse. What she does with the info is up to her.

  7. Arewa

    November 15, 2007 at 2:09 am

    Of course i would want my friend to tell me…the problem is will i be able to handle the truth….TRUTH HURTS.
    Of course i wold her my bestfriend if her man was cheating.. i think it would be easier to tell her if thier realationship is still fresh ..just so she has the opportunity to confront him and get it over and done with.. just in case it is a habit or becaomes a problem later on in thier relationship (i will feel bad knowing that i could have done something about it in the begining)

    If she is married or engaged ahhh now we r getting deeper….its tricky but i think its only fair that she is told of what her soon to be hubby or hubby is up to.
    I know thereare other factors that end to make such isssues complicated such as if the wife/ girlfriend (my friend) is pregnant, has a kids with this person or if she is soo blinded by love that se cant seee.

  8. dede

    November 15, 2007 at 2:41 am

    The reason I would want to know is because there is always a possiblity I can get an STD or HIV. She might have just saved my life. At least until I am absoutely sure he is cheating, I can take precautions.

  9. koshie

    November 15, 2007 at 2:42 am

    maybe, friends sometimes see things we do not see when in a relationship.

  10. bhookey

    November 15, 2007 at 4:42 am

    this is complicated mehn cause i actually have 2 friends who are married and i know their husband is cheating on them, now one has 2 kids and the other is pregnant right now, now why would i do that, im sure they kinda know but are just like whatever, im not going to spoil their relationship o…… nowwwwwww if it was my immediate best friend or someone im very very very close to , ill tell her osharpish , sorry for the long story jare and yea if my boyfriend is cheating, ill so want to know……..this issue is all bout following intuition tho, diff. cases, diff situations, diff relationships, diff ppl……

  11. Anonymous

    November 15, 2007 at 4:47 am

    If my friend’s wife or GF plays around and i know for sure, I’ll try to let my friend know about it… but i prefer the indirect approach… like setting the cheater up and stuff… i feel its better for ppl to kind of find stuff out for themselves… and i hope my friends will treat me the same way…

  12. eida

    November 15, 2007 at 4:51 am

    If they are married or the relationship is advanced i.e engaged or going steady for a long time, i won’t tell coz it won’t make a difference and i’ll end up being made a fool of.In marriage particularly, i think it’s wrong altogether.It’s sacred and no one should put asunder.Besides, chances are she already knows or suspects. Most women know when their man is cheating but pretend not to or ignore the signs.
    If it’s my man, same rules apply.
    If it’s my husband,I do not want to hear it coz it’s too late already. I don’t believe in divorce just because of infidelity because it is an epidemic already and i don’t want my kids to suffer.
    I’ll just pray that he burns out soon and doesn’t give me HIV b4 then.

  13. LittleGirlLost

    November 15, 2007 at 5:27 am

    I would want to know however the person telling had better be prepared to be quoted & probably stand by their word in any showdown.

    There’s no point confronting someone with no facts or backup e.g. ‘you are cheating…I know this because “someone” told me’ just doesn’t wash in such discussions.

  14. RJ

    November 15, 2007 at 5:29 am

    Hmm….yes I would like to know and depending on what kind of friend this friend is, I’d tell ’em.
    Like if I saw this person in a restaurant, out in public with another person, I’d just take a picture(what did we do without camera phones?) and send it, or walk up to them and be like “Hey u, how is it going, how is ur girl/boy doing? Hold up, lets see if he/she would like some food from here”….ring ring, “Hello, hey i just ran into X and friend and I’m wondering if u would like some burritos cos they are really good here”….hold up talk to X.

  15. Anonymous

    November 15, 2007 at 6:10 am

    I was told a friend and I was on her shit list. I personally would want to know so that I could cut my losses and avoid disease.

  16. NikkiSab

    November 15, 2007 at 7:14 am

    I would like to know Pronto!!!!!!! But i wonder how de wld go about telling me cos, i dont know how to go about telling a friend if her man was chasing oda ladies. Any suggestions on that?

  17. Abimars

    November 15, 2007 at 8:14 am

    Why is it that men always tell and it doesn’t affect their friendship but with women its usually a different story.
    For me, I’ve been told by a friend, I stopped seeing the cheat and I was so grateful to my friend, we became even closer but when I found out this same friends fella was seeing someone else and told her she couldn’t handle it and ended our friendship! Go figure what I’ll do next time.

  18. Chakams

    November 15, 2007 at 10:35 am

    From the perspective of the person being cheated on,of course you’ll want to know..from the other side i.e the person/friend who found out that his/her friend’s partner’s cheating,it’s tricky..that friend(i.e victim) could think you are hating ..& if the couple in question still stay together,they cld both hate him(at least,the cheater for


    November 15, 2007 at 10:48 am

    me, i operate a ‘see no evil hear no evil’ stance o, i once told a friend her man was cheating and he had in fact hit on me the night beofre at her birthday partym of course she went and blabbed to him and dued turned around and said actually i knew she was gonna say that cos she was d one who was all over me and begged me not to tell u, needless to say, we stopped been friends until d duded hit on her sister as well and she found out, she tried to get all friendly with me agan but abeg it was too late. when women r in love every sense they have goes out of the door. id like to know if my man was cheating though, and i take it differently, a friend once told me an di thanked her and went off to investigate, turns out d heffer was in afact cheating and i dumped his ass. think it just depends on d situation sha!!! Lol. long comment i know.

  20. Uzo

    November 15, 2007 at 11:04 am

    No. I have been in a situation where i saw a friend’s husband cheating on her and was so torn. My mom told me to keep my mouth shut…I didnt tell her….

  21. Hopeful B!

    November 15, 2007 at 11:18 am

    see no evil hear no evil and say no evil…..

    best i can do is hint, hint and hint.

  22. Anonymous

    November 15, 2007 at 11:54 am

    I told a freind and she really appreciated it and it made our freindship stronger. Dude who was dumped meanwhile thinks am public enemy No 1.

    Ladies, am dating a nigerian guy and I think he is cheating on me with a lady in Naija (am not nigerian). I found some texts, I asked, he admitted the text but denied he had cheated. I am so mad and know I need to leave his sorry ass but love mixes up even the clearest and most logical reasoning..pray for me…

  23. Anonymous

    November 15, 2007 at 12:12 pm

    Last anonymous – you think you have problems? I have a similar situation only when I confronted my guy about his activities whilst he was in Nigeria he caved and told me he cheated. To make things worse the girl was now pregnant. The girl aborted but I’m now stuck with this goat. If walking away was that easy I would have left.
    You pray for me and I will pray for you too.
    On the subject of this post I prefer to be told. The ones telling tho shouldn’t expect their friend to leave her man just because you told her this. Sometimes people need time to come out of a relationship when they are ready, but knowing what you are dealing with is never a bad thing and sometimes they even fix it.

  24. Anonymous

    November 15, 2007 at 12:19 pm

    Anonymous, thanks so much for your post. It seems we are many going through these problems. Why do men cheat is the milllion dollar question. I am sorry to hear that your man made the girl pregnant in Naija, I will pray for you and pray for me that we find the strength to go after the love we deserve and demand what is right from these men or have the strength to leave!

  25. Bella Naija

    November 15, 2007 at 12:46 pm

    I didnt want to share my opinion earlier because I didnt want to make the whole thing biased.
    Personally, if my boyfriend was cheating, I would want my friends to tell me. Mainly because I know I can HANDLE it….It has happened before and I didnt flip out on my friend, instead I investigated, verified, xed the dude and thanked my friend.

    On the other hand, if my friend’s boyfriend was cheating….I would NOT tell her. why? because most girls totally cannot HANDLE it…its a devastating thing to know your dude is stepping out and most girls just cant hack that info…Instead of shooting the culprit, they shoot the messanger.
    Infact, I know so many girls that their bfs (and husbands) are doing whatever and sorry I cant say a word. ok maybe if its my sister, I will tell but it will be really an exceptional case for me to tell anyone else. I will drop hints, maybe push her in the right direcetion but nothing more.

    Same thing goes for my male friends, that one is even worse because although the guy will not attack u for telling him, he WILL tell his gf and most girls will flip it around and insinuate that u probably fancy the dude or whatever and then make every attempt to ruin your reputation. So long story short, see no evil, hear no evil!

  26. Unbiased

    November 15, 2007 at 1:32 pm

    Personally i want to know.
    But i aint telling at all!!!
    Hopefully they will hear elsewhere and then i can confirm but i aint the one letting the cat out of the bag.
    I might let on to the guy that i know so he might confess out of fear that i will tell but that’s as far as i go.

  27. Anonymous

    November 15, 2007 at 1:35 pm


  28. Anonymous

    November 15, 2007 at 2:04 pm

    for all you people who want to know but are not telling how would you feel if your man was cheating and your best friend knew but never told you citing the same reasons that you site?

  29. Gbemi

    November 15, 2007 at 2:38 pm

    I will TELL!!! and i expect anyone who calls himself or herself my friend to TELL me!!!

  30. Anonymous

    November 15, 2007 at 2:46 pm

    I have a personal experience with this. I dated a guy for years and we were actually planning to get married and I found out later that he was cheating on me regularly and it hurt like crazy. It actually hurt more when I found that my friends knew and no one bothered to let me know because they didn’t want to spoil “a good thing” or be the ones who caused trouble.
    I wished they had told me because if the tables where turned I would have told them. Not so they would end the relationship but for them to know what they are dealing with and to make a decision on where to take their relationship.
    Yes u run the risk of being called a hater if you tell but if the person is ur good friend she would know in her heart that you were watching out for her. I am not sure I am in a place where I completely trust my friends after that whole incidence.

  31. Ngozi

    November 15, 2007 at 2:53 pm

    yes i would..but you better have all your details straight..and have seen it with ur own two eyes!

  32. Anonymous

    November 15, 2007 at 2:56 pm

    me o, i will want to be told. i would rather have the bitter truth, than be fooling myself in a relationship – and i will not hate the person that tells me the truth. i will only trust the person more and know that at least i have a friend that will be honest with me no matter what.

    and if i knew that my friend’s boyfriend was cheating, i will open my extra large mouth and tell her. if she likes she should hate me forever, if the guy likes he can hate me too. im not bothered about that at least i told her the bleeding truth …. shoot me!

    and on a different note, i think the link that yeside fashion stores wanted to put down was NOT .

  33. fedwill

    November 15, 2007 at 3:04 pm

    I agree with you bella .. I would not tell a girl if her boyfriend was cheating because I personally believe it is better if the girl found out on her own than her friends telling her . Most girl always know when their boyfriends are cheating on them some choose to ignore it and the rest wait till they have real proof .I have witnessed when a friend informed her friend of her boyfriend cheating and her boyfriend denied it when she confronted him ..The girl axed her friend ooo !!! Trust me the babe was definately not lying about him cheating .. If my boyfriend was cheating on me I would probably know because my instincts have never failed me but would I want my friends to tell me ? Probably because I can also handle it …..

  34. Waffarian

    November 15, 2007 at 4:04 pm

    I have told friends of cheating boyfriends and true, some have not handled it well, infact I lost one of my closest friends because of that. She is still with the guy, but, hey, who gives a fuck? really, i do not give a damn. Na my own peace of mind i dey after.

    Ehhhh, and e no concern me if pikin or mama or money dey involved, if the person is a true friend, i will say. Not random “friends” oh, like Titi in the office or Carol, a friend of a friend who you just happen to know. i am sure you all know what i mean. Those ones, their matter no concern me.

    The truth has to be told, thats just the way it is.

    Finally, considering the fact that I know that Nigerians dey carry religion for head pass anything, I am surprised that most people would rather be dishonest. But hey, na naija, land of hypocrisy!

  35. adaa

    November 15, 2007 at 4:14 pm

    Personally, i would like to be told if my dude was cheating on me, but i ain’t telling/ warning my friend, coz ve done it b4 and even blood can murder u for opening ur mouth and accusing u of not supporting their ‘realtionship!’.

  36. Anonymous

    November 15, 2007 at 4:40 pm

    i’ve been in a situation where i suspected that my friend’s boyfriend was cheating. Infact on more than one occasion i heard he made some clandestine trips to ibadan from Lagos to “party”. i thought about telling my friend, but it is not an easy thing to do o! now they are married. i bet you if i had told my friend, one day one day, my friend will tell his wife, and i will be the one to lose their friendship…relationship issues – code word, is mind your biz…things sort themselves out somehow…

  37. Sugabelly

    November 15, 2007 at 4:42 pm

    Okay… lemme see… my (EX) boyfriend… slept with both my cousins within eight hours of my introducing them to him; he also flew to Kano to have a threesome with to girls I don’t know.. oh, and he cheated with an undisclosed number of girls during the time we shared a relationship….

    Now the question is… would I have felt worse if

    a.) He had not told me

    b.) My cousin had not hinted at it

    c.) His best friend had not accidentally blurted it out

    d.) I was not dealing with the pain of all of the above occurring??

    Now that is something to ponder…

  38. Sugabelly

    November 15, 2007 at 4:51 pm

    To “Anonymous” (The one before EIDA)

    Why is it that if a WOMAN is cheating, her boyfriend or husband’s friends NEVER HESITATE to INFORM him.

    Meanwhile, here is a long line of 30 + comments from WOMEN who JUST WON’T SAY ANYTHING. I’ve never heard of a guy turning on his best friend because he squealed on his girlfriend. But we girls are always so ready to sacrifice our friends over our lovers.

    What’s that thing guys say? “Bros before Hos”

    Something for all of us to think about. Take a leaf of out the books of the men in your life. I admire men, because almost NOTHING breaks their brotherhood.

    “Sisters before Misters”…it should be that way..

  39. Belle

    November 15, 2007 at 4:59 pm

    mayneee… i would tell my best friends in a heart beat, and i would expect to be told too.
    if she/he decides to quit being friends with me, no qualms. at least my conscience is clear.
    if i found out my friends knew and didn’t tell me, that’s the end of that friendship. real talk.

  40. Anonymous

    November 15, 2007 at 5:13 pm

    Pure and simple.. I would not want to be the bearer of bad news… I will keep it moving and not meddle with plps private affairs. I once told my friend her boy was cheating but they stayed together and are getting married now!

  41. DIVA

    November 15, 2007 at 5:30 pm

    I’ve been reading all the responses and it’s interesting that I haven’t read that anyone would confront the cheater. I would let him/her know that I’m very aware of what’s taking place. With time, if I see that my friend is still being cheated on, I think I would have to hint/suggest to my friend that her SO isn’t being faithful. Now, I would only do this in a case where I have a very tight relationship with the individual being cheated on. As someone mentioned, STD’s is a reality. I would be devastated if I found out a friend caught HIV or Hepatitis when it could have possibly been prevented.

  42. Aijay

    November 15, 2007 at 5:40 pm

    Personally, if I knew for CERTAIN that my CLOSE friend’s man was cheating, I’d tell/give her a clear hint. It’d then be up to her to do with the info as she pleases. Whether or not she labels me a ‘hater’ is irrelevant. I’d feel better knowing I did my bit as a friend, instead of watching her live a lie (with her cheating boyfie) for fear of being called a ‘relationship wrecker’ or losing a friend.
    I’d also expect the same from her & I’d be so angry if she knew my boyfie was cheating & didn’t tell me. Now, that could ruin our friendship.
    I think we women need to learn to look out for each other.
    What happened to – do unto others as u’d want them to do unto u?

  43. Anonymous

    November 15, 2007 at 5:42 pm

    I would want to be told!!

  44. The friend in Question

    November 15, 2007 at 5:51 pm

    I expect my friends to tell me, you can’t sit on the fence when it comes to people you love. Bella, you’re right some people can’t handleit ut their track record will determine that. I have a rule that all my friends get once chance. I’ll tell my friend once, how she handles it will determine how I handle info concerning her man from then on. My loyalty is to my friend and not her man, men seem to understand that but we women don’t. If I tell my friend and she acts like a fool(has happened to me before) then I don’t want such a friend.

    I understand that telling a friend doesn’t mean she’ll leave the guy and I respect that, as long as she doesn’t make me the center of the drama she is welcome to use the info however she pleases. WOMEN GET OFF THE FENCE,don’t assume your friend knows what her man is doing. Oh and for those who said the will hint, give serious hints. Not just”be careful”. That is not a hint, that is common talk.

    Oh and Bella, you won’t tell abi? Seeeeeeeeeen 😉

  45. The friend in question

    November 15, 2007 at 5:59 pm

    Oh and I don’t agree that most women know when their man is cheating, but I do feel that once you get the info and confront him you’ll knmow the truth(If you have good investigative skills anyway). It’s not about the outcome, as long as she doesn’t drag you into the drama you’re ok.

    It’s important to tell your friends if you want to know or not, one of my bestfriend has made it clear she really doesn’t want to know if I ever find out anything but she knows I want to know so she tells me what she knows. It’s important to know your friends.

  46. Karune

    November 15, 2007 at 6:18 pm

    Diva, when my freind’s man was cheating on her, I confronted him and told him to tell her in a week or I would. After a week, he still had not said anything and was pleading with me for an extension…tatafo!!!! I told him he had his chance and had until that evening. When my freind rang me later that evening, she was upset and I told her.

    She was really grateful and it made our freindship stronger. The guy told me am a bitch I did not give him enough time…I told him he was the one who had cheated and I would be damned if I sat by and watched him hurt my freind. He still labels me a bitch to this day but rather him than my freind calling me a bitch.

  47. Anonymous

    November 15, 2007 at 6:32 pm

    i would tell the cheating husband that he had better tell or i waas going to. at least that way he can break it to her more gently. i would want to know also but you need to have proof. not just be guessing.unless you think i laready know then there would be no point hurting me further by stating the obvious. AIDS is real. you have to know to be able to protect yourself!

  48. Sherri

    November 15, 2007 at 6:47 pm

    I would def tell if i saw anything incriminating, not a suspicion tho, and i expect the same from my friends.anyone i can’t be honest with,is not my friend.

    i was put in that situation once,
    not only did i tell my girl, i also told the dude i was telling her.

  49. Anonymous

    November 15, 2007 at 7:21 pm

    This is a no-brainer for me. I would sooo tell and I want – no expect to be told by anyone calling me their friend.It would not matter to me whether the friend in question is married or not.
    Like some pple stated, what they do with the info is their business and i will respect them- but at least they are making an informed decision. I’ll be damned if I catch AIDS due to sum1 else’s stupidity!
    If the friend decides to turn on me as a result of me telling well, then, I don’t need to be friend s with such an idiot anyway. I understand though that sometimes, the friend might lash out at the messenger out of embarrassment than anger but afterwards, i expect the friend to come correct.
    I was in situation where a friend told me.I thanked her, called the guy over, confronted him, handed him his keys and bounced him.
    I have also been in a situation where I did the telling and the girl decided to start vexing with me and refused to believe it. Even though I miss aspects of our frinedship, I don’t regret telling and would do it again if given the chance. It also made me realize that we were never true friends to begin with.

  50. Anonymous

    November 15, 2007 at 7:22 pm

    @ sugabelly,
    since i know you personally, let me just say you are a wonderful person and abeg i hope you have fashied that ex person since long time ago and these your cousins get k leg sef ahn ahn

  51. Mona

    November 15, 2007 at 7:25 pm

    well guess what that has happened to me indirectly

    a friends man was cheating on her and then the cheatee – i.e. the babe he was cheating with decided one un-glorious day to come n confess to me and also told the guy that she had told me (friend of his babe).

    He rang me the next day and had a brief chat with me, telling me or rather, warning me not to tell his chic.

    I wasn’t going to tell her anyway (for my own reasons which may change now in hindsight – depending on the friend). Anyway 3 wks later, he goes n confesses to his chic and tells her oh btw mona knew all along – IMAGINE O (callous)

    The friend now calls me and says to me i cant believe u knew, i dont want to be your friend again sorry, and takes her man back.

    A few lessons learnt there – ah, well.

  52. Anonymous

    November 15, 2007 at 7:33 pm

    I will first confront the hubby about his indiscretion, if he continues, then i will tell my, friend and we can both discuss how to handle the situation. If you have a GREAT friend, this should not be a problem, u can both plan it out. Do we put sugar in the other womans gas tank, or his.

  53. Anonymous

    November 15, 2007 at 7:58 pm

    This actually happened to me.
    My boyfriend was cheating on me 4 years ago.
    There were 3 things that happened…

    Friend #1: One of my friends knew and never told me. I was very hurt when i found out and lets just say our friendship has never been the same. last time I talked to her was two years ago. That was the biggest betrayal I could have ever faced. She called me everyday to gist and laugh with me but she forgot that little detail.

    Friend #2 and #3: Both told me at the same time and I love them to death for it. They were awesome to be able to let me see what happened.

    Well I broke up with my boyfriend. After 6months of him begging me, and trying to talk to someone else, we got back together. I got back with him not because I was stupid, but because I knew he trully loved me and he made a mistake. Nobody is perfect.

    After we got back together…
    Friend #2 was pissed… she actually called me and told me I was stupid for giving him another chance. Lets jus say our friendship is not the same again, because she feels like I did not listen to her.

    Friend #3 accepts its my life and we had a long extensive talk. she told me she did not want me to get back with him, but she knows I know what i’m doing and i’m old enough to live up to my decision.

    Getting back with my boyfriend was the best thing I’ve ever done. he made a 180 degrees switch to a good boy it’s even scary and we are engaged now.

    I did not mean to write a story, but just wanted to make a point.

    What will I do?
    I will first talk to the boy, and if he doesn’t change, then I’ll tell him, he has to tell her or I will tell her. Whatever decision she makes is on her. All I know is I have done my own as her friend.

  54. Anonymous

    November 15, 2007 at 8:37 pm

    I have been in this same situation b4. I told my best friend her bobo was cheating and then wat happened. while i was telling her she put d phone on speaker so d dude practically heard all i said.
    needless 2 say he called me and insulted d hell out of me.apparently she knew he was cheating but was hoping she wuld come out tops in d matter. anyhow some months down d line he has dropped her ass and she has no friends cos all her peeps who were trying to warn her got dropped cos of d guy.

  55. Anonymous

    November 15, 2007 at 8:47 pm

    oh by d way women are really terrible in this situation. if a guy tells his guy friend his gf is cheating on him, gf gets dropped. if a girl tells her girl firnd that her boyfrind is cheating ………………….. roll d drums pple,……………………..wait for it………………………….. surprise d GIRL IS NO LONGER A FRIEND AND IS A HATER.this is one situation where i respect men, they are more sensible.

  56. Kpakpando

    November 15, 2007 at 9:21 pm

    It seems to simple to say, I’d want to know, tell me and if I knew I would tell; but that’s not true.
    No matter how much of a hard babe I think I am, if anyone comes and tells me that the dude is cheating, chances are she’s telling me something I already know or at the very least suspect. If I don’t consider the friend to be like a sibling to me, I’d seriously wonder about her motives in telling me; is she really telling me for my own good? or is she secretly delighting in seeing me in some sort of situation, how long has she known, has she been laughing behind my back? Is she just trying to start shit up? Sha that friendship with her is over.
    If it’s one of my close friends or siblings, they know that showing me is better than telling, and showing anonymously is better than feeling my misplaced anger, hurt and disappointment.

    It doesn’t seem rational, but that’s me being honest.

  57. Anonymous

    November 15, 2007 at 10:06 pm

    If my hubby is cheatin and it was something he never showed signs of doin.This was also way, way years down into our marriage? I really would not want to know.

    Come to think of it i would not want to know either way. For me wat i dont know would not hurt.PROVIDED the reasons why we fell in love are still there,Me for him and he for me, and we being there for our kids and other family members

    No thanks! I will bitch slap the friend that tries to tell me. Then again my friends already know that part of me.My nickname is,’FIRE’.

    Sometimes the heart of the man is desperate??? WOMEN u do not want to entertain stories, that will be the beginin of ur nightmares.


  58. Anonymous

    November 15, 2007 at 10:53 pm

    Most women on here would rather live in a lie than know the truth, do you guys think AIDS is a joke? Nah, seriously do you? It is a freaking pandemic! THis is no more “it’s the way of the African man”, when your health is on the line(and it is everytime you sleep with someone) all bets are off. We need to value ourselves more. Tell your friend, do your part. If she acts like a fool, good riddance.

  59. de'tente

    November 16, 2007 at 12:03 am

    ill love to know and rest assured my anger wont be directed at the informant!The sooner i know the better. What im not sure of though is if i could tell a friend….perhaps i could,indirectly.

  60. Sugabelly

    November 16, 2007 at 12:40 am

    To Anonymous: I axed his cheating ass. Doesn’t mean I don’t miss him everyday, but I’ll never say to his face again. Being in love is one thing, and being sensible is quite another. No one should have to put up with that crap. If you love me,I should be the only person that shares your bed.

  61. Waffarian

    November 16, 2007 at 1:38 am

    Meanwhile, so the whole blogville don turn to anonymous because na penis matter. Its a pity….

  62. Anonymous

    November 16, 2007 at 1:40 am

    This kind of situation require wisdom before responding. I would want my friend to tell me if my BF was cheating, however just not any friend and it depends on the way she tells me. Also it will take a very good genuine friend that i trust to tell me and for me to believe. I would do the same too because as good friends we r suppose to watch out for each other because we want the bets for one another. No one wants to marry a cheating husband, once a cheater, always a cheater. Anyways good friends will tell n tell in a sincere way because they have your interest in mind. Besides after you told then you start looking for signs of cheating and observe more carefully. A cheater will be caught somehow cos they cant hide it for long.

  63. Sugabelly

    November 16, 2007 at 1:53 am

    @Waffarian: Haha!!! But you’re right I think.

  64. Anonymous

    November 16, 2007 at 2:22 am

    mehn…make no body tell me jor..leave me in my bubble

  65. Free to be me...

    November 16, 2007 at 4:27 am

    ok, i’d love to knw and if my homegal knws she better tell me cos my ass is going to be telling if it was me…guys r so overrated thinking they can mess around with us chics…

  66. Anonymous

    November 16, 2007 at 5:07 am

    I honestly believe that some are serial cheaters and blatant cheaters because they know that the consequences of their actions are non-existent and judging by the number of responses on women saying they would not want to know who can blame them? i would do those things too if i knew that my wife did not care and there were no consequences. Women are their own worst enemies.

  67. Anonymous

    November 16, 2007 at 11:36 am

    @kpakpando: No offense, but you really insecure,sha

    @ Waffarian: ABEEEGG!!No one’s scared-at least, i’m not. It aint like you’re gonna beat us or anything


  68. FI

    November 16, 2007 at 11:53 am


  69. Kpakpando

    November 16, 2007 at 4:18 pm

    @sassycassie, it’s not insecurity, if anything it’s ego and pride. Just because someone calls themselves your friend doesn’t make it true o; with anything I’m told, I have to consider the source thoroughly, awon frenemies. Who is it telling me, why is she telling me, what else is missing from her yarns, how does she kukuma know and what makes her think I don’t already know and I’m not coming up with some way to deal with it?
    I know the people in my social circle jare, many of them
    (including me sometimes) are just fake and are there for their own reasons, it’s not every word that comes out of their mouths that should be taken as gospel, sometimes they intend to be hurtful.

    So like I said, my real friends kukuma know that it’s better for me to see it with my two korokoro eyes, so they’ll tell me and show me the proof to back it up.

    [email protected] I hope not o, it’s really not that serious.

  70. BeautyinBaltimore

    November 16, 2007 at 4:22 pm

    Hell Yea!!

    Aids is real and you know most men don’t want to wear condoms.

  71. Anonymous

    November 16, 2007 at 4:54 pm

    I really depends on the friend telling me. Some friends have your best interest at heart and will tell you lovingly and only after verifying it themselves. Others tell you in a “good for you” way.

    If I knew a friend’s husband was cheating I will send and anonymous email/letter with proof.

  72. shola pacheco

    November 16, 2007 at 9:04 pm

    cheating ha ,big issue,if its not my sis then i see nothing ,there is nothing like the person finding out for themselves.most chicks cant handle it so its better to keep shut abt it

  73. Simispeaks

    November 17, 2007 at 5:46 pm

    ummm.. Tough one.. It depends. If the relationship is very deep & serious, I would want to know. If not, ignorance CAN BE bliss.. On the flip side, for a marriage it’s a little different.. I would always want to know. period

  74. O.šeyï

    November 18, 2007 at 3:35 am

    I will definitely want to know.
    If its a reliable source i’ll confront him … chances are he’ll say no.
    But honest truth is… no matter what stage my relationship is at…
    I will never be with a man that cheats on me. I’ll rather alone…kids and all.

    Yeah i know, people don’t understand my reasoning but i’ve realized the whole staying together thing does not work for me… I’ll always want to know.

  75. O.šeyï

    November 18, 2007 at 3:41 am

    Oh… on the other hand if i know a girl’s man is cheating on her and we’re that close… i will certainly tell. Happened once, her man was trying to hit on me. I told her, and she called her man out and he came to meet me all upset. I said you’re an idiot to even try coming back here. Granted they stayed together a little longer but they broke up in the end…
    Today we’re still friends.
    Boys come and go but real friends stay friends. If the person turns against you, its not worth it! Y’all were never as tight as you thought then!

  76. truth

    November 19, 2007 at 3:52 am

    When I saw 70+ comments my 1st reaction was “do I really have the time to read all this funky ‘stuv'”…well i didn’t read all but there were a few insightful ones here.I themed this post ‘Women on Patrol’.lol

    my take is no different than some of y’allz. I dated a once great dude who bcame a chronic cheater. My closest friends knew and didn’t tell me. They said he threatened them seriously. I expected more from them but we are all still close friends. No beef at all.
    So guess who told me: his best friend’s girlfriend! whom I had barely known for a year!I totally appreciated her for that. She first confronted him and he threatened her yet she still set his sorry ass on Today, she’s one of my top 5 friends/confidants.

    It’s up to you at the end!Would I tell…really depends on who’s involved, the closer the more likely. Worst case, I’ll set up clues that’ll lead you to.Noone’ll ever know I was bhind the clues.You’ll have eternity to go

  77. misstoosoontobemarried

    November 19, 2007 at 10:23 pm

    Funny enough, I know if i cheated today on my man, he will still stick with me.
    Go figure.
    Relationships are not 1+1=2, they are much more complicated than that.

    just chirpin in.

  78. Olu

    November 20, 2007 at 9:02 am


  79. Anonymous

    November 20, 2007 at 6:35 pm

    @ misstoosoontobemarried

    that’s just ridiculous.

  80. Anonymous

    November 20, 2007 at 6:36 pm

    I would definitely tell if I knew a friend of mine was been cheated on, and I will want to be told if someone cheated on me. However, I will make a point to confront the cheater before I do my friend.

    Also, I am not that old, but from what I have seen, few cheaters change their ways. Even pastors and spiritual leaders who cheat have done so for many, many long years. Only God can truly rehabilitate a cheater. So if the person hasn’t found God truly it’s dumb to think they’ll wake up one day and just “change.”

    So, let’s get real here; if you know someone who cheats, do your research and once you are sure of the facts, do your moral duty and speak UP!

  81. misstoosoontobemarried

    November 20, 2007 at 10:12 pm

    @ anon 5:39

    it is what it is sweetie, he lurvs me.

  82. t

    November 26, 2007 at 2:55 am

    If dude’s cheating, the girl kinda knows. If she’s happy with the situation, that’s cool.
    If the guy is my in-law, maybe I might have a chat with him just to make sure my sister’s OK.

  83. Anonymous

    November 29, 2007 at 7:47 pm

    i really think every situation is different, With my friends i know the ones i would tell, the ones i would hint, the ones i wouldn’t say anything to and the ones i would say ” ha i was looking for a way to tell you” if they find out.
    Women are very funny say ur single and u tell ur friend who is engaged or married den go take am as jealousy as per u no get man. As for me i want my friend to tell me , inshort i have been told before, what i choose to do with what you have said is totally up to me, don’t tell me and then expect i will go along with everything you say AND THAT DOESN’T PUT A DENT IN OUR FRIENDSHIP.
    I will investigate and then decide on what i want to do. But abeg ohh no friend should think that just becos she tells me my husband is cheating i will divorce him,i will deal with his triffling self and his greedy mate. Yoruba people say the one they didn’t teach you at home someone else will teach you outside.

  84. mum

    January 30, 2008 at 8:16 pm

    If my husband is having an emotional affair, i would want to know from a friend who knows. If its just sex i dont care to know. If its emotional and i know, i would be able to take charge of the situation and reevaluate my marriage. For me its better instead of wasting my life with a man who loves another.

    As for telling a friend, hell no! Thats a no no. I have learnt the hard way.

  85. G

    March 19, 2009 at 8:38 am

    I would definitely want to know. What I do will depend on our relationship and exactly what he did, but I would want to know. And if it was my close friend I would let her know as well, but try to do it in as sensitive a way as possible.

  86. Anonymous

    March 4, 2011 at 9:40 pm

    Personally, I would want to know. On the other hand, I found out about a friend’s husband, did not tell her, she eventually found out I knew all along and cut me off completely. She said she cant trust me anymore. Meanwhile, she is still with the cheating husband. I guess she needed a scape goat and she found one in me.

  87. CHIKA

    August 22, 2012 at 4:02 pm

    ‘Course I would want to know. but i would definitely not be in a hurry about telling a friend.

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