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Making Your Relationship Work – Part I



black_couple-bella-naijaRelationships are hard! You don’t need Oprah, a rocket scientist or your pastor to fill you on this fact. There is no perfect formula for a successful romantic relationship. So many people who are extremely successful in other aspects of life find themselves disheartened because they feel they ‘fail’ at relationships. No one has all the answers but I’m hoping we can work together to help one another out with this on BN. Lets go there!

So many women lament that ‘it never seems to work’…’something always goes wrong’ etc…
Maybe you think you don’t know how to establish a good relationship with that special somebody. But you can! It’s a give and take thing.
OK, let’s try a few things. Some of these might seem simplistic but sometimes basic advice is best!

Can you claim to be in a relationship and not be totally committed? I think not. If you don’t chose to “commit” to the other person, then it’s time to get stepping. We live in a society where we constantly hear advice like ‘you better have a backup in case he messes up!’. If you feel you need a ‘backup’ then that relationship is not worth being in. Genuine commitment is always a number one priority. Make up your mind to give your all to that special one and everything else follows and begins to fall in place. Being in a relationship is a serious affair. Like, it’s no joke and it‘s heartbreaking when one person is not investing in the simple act of commitment. Total commitment is a sign of mutual respect and responsibility. If it’s not there, you may need to start re-evaluating your relationship.

Quit Fronting, Be You
What is a relationship without freedom? A solid and meaningful relationship is the ability to express yourself. Seriously, you just need to quit playing Ms or Mr. Perfect. What is that? BE YOU!!! I beg of you. Fart because you can. Be free because you can’t afford not to! I know one married couple that the wife swears that her husband has never seen her without makeup. Seriously! Fake partners who can’t express the freedom to be themselves should not be in a relationship. Folks, enter into a relationship with the right to be yourself. Think about it like this, how can you choose to confine yourself? Your relationship shouldn’t feel like prison now. C’mon peoples! Shake it off and do you. This stuff really does happen. You’ll be pleasantly surprised by how much people lack the freedom to express their true self.

Arghhh! Sounds cliché? I know but what is a relationship without trust? Let’s see, you don‘t trust your partner and you expect your relationship to work? Yea, sure. I think we underestimate the importance of trust in a relationship. It is vital and it’s creates peace. Women especially need to start letting go of the ‘men can’t be trusted’ mindset. It’s just draining. Don’t be a mugu, and don’t be super gullible either. Let yourself trust, and if you get burned, learn your lessons. Good news is trust and karma go hand in hand. You know what they say, karma is a b*t**. Did you trust your loved one and they let you down? You just relax and let karma handle it.

One last thing…

People’s Democratic Relationship
Gossip! People love to hear about other people’s relationship. If someone wants to dish to you about her relationship, then it’s cool. Just fine! But don’t let that someone be you! I know it’s super tempting to want to dish out to your home boys or talk to your girls but just don’t do it. I’m telling y’all. This is one thing that can actually save your relationship. It’s called the power of mute. Think about it like this, when ’wahala hits the fence. You want to know that it’s only you and him that contributed to the success or failure of your union. But what happens when you always seek a fifth and seventh opinion? What happens you call Titi and you vent, and Titi gives her two cents, and then Seyi comes over later at night and then you dish out to her again, tomorrow right after church, Tolu comes over to hang out and she starts talking about her man and dearest you added your own story too. Now that you have lamented, and Titi, Seyi, and Tolu have donated their opinion. Has it solved your problem with your man or your chic? I’m just saying…
Even if you don’t do “new year resolutions,” it’s 2009 and I urge you to do this one thing for yourself and your partner. If anything I think it’s sexy. There’s just something about y’all when nobody knows ‘jack’ about your relationship!


That’s it for now, I bet we’ve heard all this before but do we sincerely apply them? We’ll love to hear from you, feel free to share any of your own ‘home truths’ and any other practical advice.

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