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Tips For Your Wedding Night

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There’s a general myth about wedding nights; supposedly, every bride and groom have the most intimate and wonderful sex of their lives on their wedding nights. In reality a lot of couples are often too tired to have sex, while your wedding night may be a little different, it is an intimate moment and an opportuntiy to enjoy yourselves. Here are some tips that can help make your wedding night one of the best evenings of your life.

-Take things slowly.Enjoy this moment. While you may be a little too tired to have the most technically excellent sex of your lives, this is likely to be among your most romantic and intimate sexual experiences.

-Expand your idea of the “wedding night”.If you’re too tired for foreplay, that sex isn’t going to be so great. Couldn’t it be better to wait until the morning?

-Flirt with each other during the wedding It can be easy to spend the whole wedding greeting your friends and families, cutting the cake, and attending to a thousand other details. Don’t forget to stop, stare into each other’s eyes and flirt with each other. It will definitely help build the excitement for your alone time later.

-Don’t have sex with each other for a couple of weeks before the wedding.Many couples try this to make the wedding night sex fresh and new again. Others go even further by giving up sex months before the wedding so that they may be virgin-like on the wedding night.

-Wear something special.Wedding night lingerie can really help the mood. It is also an opportunity to try out the sexy lingerie you got as gifts from your friends during the bridal shower. Make sure it is a little different from what you would usually wear to excite your partner.

-Set the stage.Help yourselves get into the mood by setting the stage. Light some candles, bring some CDs or do whatever helps you get in the mood. And don’t be afraid to get away from friends and family early. While they may tease you a little, they’ll certainly understand or at least I hope so!

It’s also a good idea to accept the fact that you may be too exhausted or tipsy to have sex. If one of you falls asleep, or isn’t in the mood, remember, it’s not a prediction of a doomed marriage. Try spending the time relaxing and remembering how wonderful your wedding day was.

102 Comments

  1. oyenike Alliyu

    June 4, 2009 at 3:33 pm

    Fantastic tips,am looking forward………………………….

  2. ....................

    June 4, 2009 at 4:08 pm

    firstttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt

  3. Anon

    June 4, 2009 at 4:18 pm

    If u want the real deal, don’t explore at all, keep it all till your wedding night…

    Now that would be quite some week, months ahead of yall…generally setting the tone for your marriage.

    It’s not an impossible feat…if u chose to work the spiritual bonding first and keep the physical for later. It can always wait, once u already attracted to each other, only gets hotter.

  4. Let me add

    June 4, 2009 at 4:35 pm

    I have to add, don’t forget to choose a wedding date when you are not going to be on time of the month! That’s what happened to me so no nookie till three days after in our beautiful hotel with champagne bottles and chocolate. I was quite upset…and he…well he was quite patient! Hehehe.

  5. anonymous

    June 4, 2009 at 4:46 pm

    All this wahala about S.E.X and its not even all that.

  6. Bebe

    June 4, 2009 at 7:24 pm

    Is this article for virgins or the already “experienced”? Because either way, it’s not useful and doesn’t help any of the two camps.

    Pick your target audience before you write on such a sensitive topic.

  7. Nma

    June 4, 2009 at 9:00 pm

    i agree…Celibacy all the way!
    I’m surprised the writer didn’t even include that as an option, abi does she/he think it’s now extinct for people to be virgins/celibate till marriage? which kin’ virgin-like? As if that’s all one can do.

  8. waffarian

    June 4, 2009 at 9:36 pm

    ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

  9. Bridget Oti

    June 5, 2009 at 12:53 am

    why is it such a sin for people nowadays to be virgins?

  10. AM

    June 5, 2009 at 2:15 am

    Abi oh! Tips for the plethora of virgins nko? I was almost excited to read until I couldn’t relate fully. Okay post though.

  11. ....................

    June 5, 2009 at 5:00 am

    lol..u pple no pity the writer at all o!

  12. GamGam

    June 5, 2009 at 10:22 am

    huh huh!

    i intend to play UT and WOW with the Hussy until we sleep off!

  13. Omoolorun

    June 5, 2009 at 10:41 am

    This a cheeky advice, i agree with nma. Dont u even no dt dere are Christians at all, hisss. Don’t encourage youth/people to think dt sex outside marriage is acceptable. I suggest that bella should remove this article asap

  14. Pinky

    June 5, 2009 at 1:26 pm

    Oh, please… Be real…
    How many girls are virgin’s now adays…. I wonder which universe pretentious twits like you live in…
    If you claim to be a virgin, congratulations to you… For the rest of us, great tips….

  15. Anon

    June 5, 2009 at 2:30 pm

    We all know celibacy and virginity are outdated concepts in today’s world. However some of us still believe in these very unpopular concepts, and we’re not trying to judge or be holier than anybody.

    What drew my initial comment was the writer’s tips on how to make the wedding night sex “fresh and new again”……lol……indeed. If e no be panadol, e no fit work like panadol.

    I say keep and build the excitement to a nuclear bomb right from time. Granted the first few days’ll be…somehow..but then the next couple of weeks. Kaboom.

    Oh and that checking out sexual compatibility thing, a farce, everybody learns on the job.

  16. Anon

    June 5, 2009 at 2:36 pm

    With the right person and conditions…it really really is.

  17. Kay

    June 5, 2009 at 3:57 pm

    the fact that we’re not up in arms celebrating our virginity every chance we get doesn’t mean virgins don’t exist. we may very well be the minority but don’t sit in your parallel universe being a “pretentious twit” who assumes there are only 10 of us on the planet.

    ==

    back to the article — yeah, it was curiously devoid of any tips for virgins. our way isn’t the superior way or the right way but for something we haven’t done before, we sure as hell need as much help as we can get.

  18. qwerty

    June 5, 2009 at 4:18 pm

    Thank you for the great way you replied the ‘twit’ ,pinky!!

    Home girl, things must be very sad when you justify premarital sex and think its impossible to others because it has been to you.

    i wasn’t going to comment on this silly article but statements like pinky’s are so uninformed,just because peeps ain’t flaunting their virginity doesn’t mean anyone has a right to call them twits.

    You have some nerve…i bet peeps will be like…yeah, virgins are born again,etc, but that ish isn’t reconcilable with any christian belief in any language,yeah, so either stop doing the ish or stop going to church…now that would be unpretentious…

    I wonder if all the heartaches and crap girls go thru isnt because they gave it up to the wrong guys,lots of baggage comes with having dropped ar*e.

    I’m 29, got married 2 yrs ago, and our wedding night was our first night…it was GGGGGrrreat! ( la tony the tiger)… we dated for 5 years before that and my husband is a happening guy but he knew my ideals and respected them. This is more common than you might think… we do the whole Lagos scene so this isn’t coming from any MFM place, just getting ur personal standards right…

    Back to anyone else, you learn on the job and it gets better and better…

    I find some of the wedding articles written on this blog are rather pedestrian though…but then again, woe be me if i’m reading any real advice from bellanaija’s blog on marriage 😉

    • Nutella

      October 27, 2010 at 8:41 pm

      SPOT ON!!

  19. Anon

    June 5, 2009 at 4:42 pm

    …..Good to know all the “virgins” are coming out….lol…..

    I’m not one tho, had my fair share of playa playa and heartbreaks, but I now know waiting is the real deal..currently waiting with my fiancee (22 months now)…

    @Qwerty now doesn’t that prove the “mfm” concepts and biblical principles were right afterall.

    Its difficult if you’ve been previously active…only spirituality can help you deal with this…i.e. If you want to.

  20. Angela

    June 5, 2009 at 6:12 pm

    I waited until my wedding night before I slept with my husband. If I was still a virgin, then these tips would not do anything for me.

    LMAO @ “virgin-like on the night”. For real???? Sweetie, once you’ve had sex steadily in the past, there’s no getting the innocence back.

    @ Pinky, there are still a great number of girls (and guys) who choose to wait until they are married before they do the “dirty”. Because you don’t know them, doesn’t mean they don’t exist. Perhaps you need to mix with a wider group of people.

    For my celibate sisters, if you need real tips for your first time sex, do better research that reading an incomplete Bella Naija article.

  21. sweetie

    June 5, 2009 at 6:50 pm

    qwerty, anon and ka, God bless una jaare, thanks for the tips!! i am more than resolved now to hold on till marriage and i seriously mean it. it is kinda difficult especially when everyone around u is doing it. lol @ anon´s kaboom and qwerty´s tony d tiger!!.

  22. JustThinking

    June 5, 2009 at 8:03 pm

    I don’t think the virgin-like statement is about innocence per say … more like the feeling/rush of it being your first time with someone. Maybe the word “virgin-like” isn’t quite right for what the writer was/is trying to convey.

    And yeah, why refer to sex as the Dirty? Is it a dirty act?

  23. JustThinking

    June 5, 2009 at 8:06 pm

    Thank you my sister!

  24. JustThinking

    June 5, 2009 at 8:09 pm

    And I am happy and thankful on your behalf too … as per you needed to read the responses to this article for you to be more than resolved in your decision to hold on till marriage and seriously mean it.

  25. Angela

    June 6, 2009 at 12:44 am

    Nope, I don’t think sex is a dirty act at all. In my experience, it is a fun and beautiful expression of love and intimacy… based on a SOLID commitment 🙂

    But for real though, how do you capture the “virgin-like” feeling after years of sleeping together while dating? That part just got me cracking up!

  26. Angela

    June 6, 2009 at 12:46 am

    Congrats jare, hold on till you are married, then you have the real pleasure of unwrapping the full package at the right time!

  27. Angela

    June 6, 2009 at 12:50 am

    Please educate me, what is that o?

  28. lol

    June 6, 2009 at 3:53 am

    Lol… it so appalling to see how ignorant and daft some peoples comments are. Just because u’ve decided to open your legs doesn’t mean everyone else is doing the same. Yes there are still virgins on earth ok and im one of them.. oh and not because i am “holy holy” as u non virgins will call it… im far from holy holy trust me.. im an happening babe lolol.. but not wanting to have sex nw is just my personal choice. I want to enjoy it very well on that night. 🙂 … Majority of the “non virgins” that think there aren’t virgins out there are just mad cuz they wish they had waited too… I believe Sex can wait.. & its definitely not running away. DAMN!

  29. Catwalq

    June 6, 2009 at 6:17 am

    Mssstssshw!

  30. N.zeit

    June 6, 2009 at 6:47 am

    LOL! True Story

  31. N.zeit

    June 6, 2009 at 6:58 am

    🙂 … I feel you on the ‘virgin-like” comment. Na the wahala with English language be that. If you no take time, the thing go just slay you as opposed to you slaying am:)

    I like how you describe sex. I too believe that ULTIMATELY it is meant to be a fun and beautiful expression of love and intimacy based on a SOLID commitment.

    I just happen to think that marriage is not the only form of solid commitment in the world … explaining this is story for another day:)

    The only thing I have a problem with (and I am sure others don’t agree with me) is this … why push your own agenda on others? I mean, sure state what you believe but in a very personal and unbiased way (as unbiased as you can manage to be).

    The whole divide between ‘virgins’ and ‘no-virgins’ is something that is used by society to divide and conquer sister-relationships and belittle women (and I am do not consider myself to be die-hard feminist oh!). Sometimes the language we use to describe our sexual beliefs (or any other belief for that mater) is just too … HIGH & MIGHTY.

    We just try to live and let live … life is too short and no one is without their flaws (and by this I don’t mean that the decision to wait til marriage to have sex or not makes one perfect or not … just that depending on which side of the divide you stand, the other side is always fundamentally wrong)

  32. ProudlyNaija

    June 6, 2009 at 4:33 pm

    Na wa for all this drama on top article, I just can’t stand all the beef on bella naija! Well, think I should drop my 2cents. For starters, one can be a virgin but then more experienced than those that aren’t. For instance some ‘virgins’ engage in oral sex, mastrubation, ponography, foreplay, heavy kissing/petting; but because the hymen is intact they consider themselves ‘virgins’. On the other hand a girl may be a non-virgin who has been raped, had one or more sexual partner(s), molested, abused by an older person e.t.c. Each person knows what obtains in their personal life and should keep it to themselves! If you have had sex prior to marriage you can still decide to be celibate with whom you choose to marry if you are a virgin keep up the good work but don’t disparage those who aren’t for one day either before or after marriage-you would not be one. What we should always consider is what would make ones marriage work. I’ve friends who were disvirgined by their husbands (on their wedding night or whatever) who ended up in bad homes and some who had abortions and yet have wonderful husbands—and kids! Life is funny, we just need to ask God that he would give us our own spouse who would love us as Christ loves us.
    I believe one should wait until being married as that is what our culture and religion (for those who are Christians) advocates but if you’ve made a mistake/mistakes not to worry, the past is past not your present or future!!! Nuff said.

  33. Sugabelly

    June 6, 2009 at 7:14 pm

    In a lot of Nigerian cultures, sex before marriage is VERY acceptable. But of course the current crop of Nigerians that inhabit Nigeria right now are all holier-than-thou hypocrites that condemn any woman that even so much stands within 50 feet of a boy before she’s married.

    And by the way, the whole virgin thing is overrated anyway. All these women that married their husbands as virgins and who feel high and mighty about it should think about it.

    Their husbands didn’t think THEY were special enough to save their virginity for. (I am still waiting for the Nigerian Man that will admit in front of a crowd of other Nigerian men that he is a virgin and say loud and clear that he has NEVER HAD SEX BEFORE)

    All these “Christian” and “Muslim” men in Nigeria have sex from morning to night but they are the first to scream that they want virgin wives.

    *Rolling my damn eyes*

  34. Sugabelly

    June 6, 2009 at 7:16 pm

    Because Men don’t save their virginity for their wives.

    Hence, women saving their virginity for their husbands (who are not virgins) = deceiving themselves.

  35. clairessence

    June 6, 2009 at 8:41 pm

    wow proudly naija your comment is so pure that it cant be judged thanks ..

  36. clairessence

    June 6, 2009 at 8:47 pm

    okay people …it seems to have turned into a virgin debate, experience …
    however … can i clearly state that the thruth cannot be overridden even when the abnormal becomes the norm ….SEX before marriage ain’t cool …

  37. uuuu

    June 6, 2009 at 9:14 pm

    IM really amazed @ some comments. Do not read too much meaning into these tips. The writer posted it as a resource, it’s either u accept or ignore it. And I believe what she met by “virgin-like” is simply couples starting a new begining as “man n wife” regardless of sexual history, For instance, if u n ur partner r intimate every other day, when u give a wk or 2wks break from intimate, u guys will be yarning for each other n cant wait for d “do” to happen. Enjoy d moment y’all n offer constructive criticism instead of fighting each other with words.

  38. Nneka

    June 6, 2009 at 9:50 pm

    You get a heavy pat on the back for that. True talk. I believe in waiting but if you’re already ‘in the know’ it’s never too late to reevaluate your decisions on intimacy before marriage.

    It’s just a hy-MEN people. Don’t sweat over loosing it once you decide to change course, or keeping it because it doesn’t guarantee you a good home.

  39. JustThinking

    June 6, 2009 at 10:40 pm

    Better Person .. 🙂

  40. JustThinking

    June 6, 2009 at 10:41 pm

    @ lol: I hope you realize you are one of the draft ones? It is not about virgins vs. non-virgins. PLEASE get over your intact hymen … that shit sells for less than the value of a single dollar in some markets.

    You Better than Thou attitude is what the hell I can’t stand in people. If it such a personal choice and you don’t need to be validated for it … why do you need to us and even add that you are not a happenign babe? So it is only non-happening babes that are virgins abi? should we give you a championship cup cos you know how to vibe without vibing all the way?

    Don’t worry, you too will open your legs one day … most likely before you realize that no matter how pure you were before your wedding day … You are still a woman and therefore no different from all the other women on earth … Virgin or Not 🙂

    SOCIETY DOES NOT VALUE US WOMEN … VIRGIN MARRY OR MARY THE SLUT! So we all need to stop tearing each other down.

    I am happy that you are still a virgin. Trust me those non-virgins know that there are virgins out there because (un)fortunately they are the ones whose boyfriends they end up happily married to … forever and ever too … 🙂

    So please keep waiting … you will definitely find your own virgin husband who has kept himself pure for you .. NOT!

  41. Zenna

    June 7, 2009 at 1:46 am

    dont get all these comment…any ho

    for my wedding night, i just want to get back to a romanic atmosphere (room) with our favourite love songs…have a nice bath and sleep.
    f****** is for the morning after…good stress relief

  42. 1st Anon

    June 7, 2009 at 6:30 pm

    The only way u can get people to really thoughtfully consider your opinion is by how unbiased, logical and considerate your post/write up is.

    Unfortunately I find that its so so easy for us to condemn and judge others, and people if I must say…especially on this site! Is it a nigerian thing? (am I judging?).

    You might say that u haven’t judged anybody..but check the context and “feel” of your write up..we can smell it from a thousand miles.

    Please let criticism be constructive. Please if you’re talking from a standpoint of faith (like I mostly do), you must know that the grace which saved you is also available to all and sundry, and that’s why we’re all alive…so please talk…well..Graciously.

    Ah ahn..It’s all about LOVE peeeooplee!

    Na pesin wey get liver dey post article and stuff for this site oh!…lol.

    I was a bit worried cos I dropped the first comments and then it all got heated up.

    My humble opinion still remains that “if e no be panadol, e no fit work like panadol”….

    and I’m trying to understand the other “paracetamol” the writer is recommending here…so if u can and have the chance, go for the real thing, but if its too late, there’s still grace…
    what the heck am I saying, nothin is ever too late once you’re still alive.

    Shalom.

  43. 1st Anon

    June 7, 2009 at 6:36 pm

    I see you…great thoughts.

  44. AnyaPosh

    June 7, 2009 at 9:20 pm

    You make too much sense, Sugabelly.

  45. Sugabelly

    June 8, 2009 at 12:06 am

    I have a question for QWERTY:

    Was your husband a virgin on your wedding night too?

  46. AM

    June 8, 2009 at 7:02 am

    See you’re tearing her for giving her two cents. I know ‘happening’ guys who are waiting including Lagos trustfund babies. And hopefully Lol can find one.

  47. Ladi

    June 8, 2009 at 7:14 am

    Virginity is rated high for mostly religious or cultural reasons depending of which is the norm/ preached. There are actually guys who are waiting, and good marriages (which were 100% celibacy by men beforehand). We cannot generalize about MOST men. Funny, I have a bunch of guy friends who have admitted to waiting despite their serial dating.

    Being a virgin won’t guarantee me a happy marriage (but a clean conscience if my religion preaches celibacy) but judging from the majority of happily married couples I know (and broken homes I’ve seen), I’ll stick to my moral and religious convictions.

  48. AM

    June 8, 2009 at 7:29 am

    2 wrongs don’t make a right. Being as ‘jerky’ as men doesn’t put us on the same level. Because guy’s egos don’t allow them to declare their virginity doesn’t mean they are not.

    I’m a die hard feminist and the fact that my boyfriend ain’t getting any gives me much power than if I was having sex with him. Plus he is a virgin, hot and waiting (I hope!)

  49. Sugabelly

    June 8, 2009 at 8:47 am

    I’d like to see those men please. I’d like to see those men admit to other Nigerian men that they are virgins. I’d like to see those men admit in front of EVERYONE (not just you) that they are virgins.

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with remaining a virgin for religious reasons or even for cultural reasons.

    The problem here is:

    Men are encouraged to be promiscuous
    Women are encouraged not to be ….. so that the men can have their cake and eat it too.

    Not cool.

    The point is, saying MOST men is correct because most men aren’t virgins by the time they get married. Only the minority of men are. And if only the minority of men are then your friends obviously fall into that minority. Which makes us both correct.

    And yes, virginity does not guarantee a happy marriage. Virginity ALSO does not guarantee respect. Respect has to be earned. It doesn’t come from a piece of skin inside your vagina that was always there anyway.

  50. Mobola

    June 8, 2009 at 11:39 am

    “There is absolutely nothing wrong with remaining a virgin for religious reasons or even for cultural reasons.”

    So, why didn’t you say this in the first place? SMH

    “Hence, women saving their virginity for their husbands (who are not virgins) = deceiving themselves.”

    Right. This is where I took offense.

    Virginity is overrated.”

    Maybe to you.

  51. Sugabelly

    June 8, 2009 at 6:12 pm

    I didn’t say it because I’ve ALREADY SAID IT BEFORE! And everyone here knows it. I said before that women should keep their virginity because of their RELIGION or their CULTURE, NOT because they are keeping it for their husbands because the said husbands aren’t even virgins themselves most of the time.

    So, for a woman to say she is keeping her virginity for her husband, and to try to flaunt it everyone’s faces that her husband will somehow respect her more because she was a virgin is bullshit.

    Men do not respect virgins more. Period, They just want to fuck you because they like the thrill of being FIRST. But they really don’t give a fuck besides.

    Hence, the overratedness of virginity. It doesn’t DO anything. It’s not as if just because you were a virgin on your wedding night, gen-gen! You will now have the most perfect marriage for the rest of your life!

    Or gen-gen! Your husband will NEVER cheat on you!

    The point is, being a virgin doesn’t do SHIT unless you are doing it for RELIGIOUS purposes. That is really the only case in which it has meaning, and I totally respect that.

    But all these people that are DECEIVING THEMSELVES claiming that their husband and their marriage is going to Perfect Prototype A because they were or are a virgin should go and sit down. They obviously don’t know shit about life.
    By the time you come home and find the man in bed with two very clearly non-virgin women your eye will open.

  52. Sugabelly

    June 9, 2009 at 7:25 am

    Yeah everyone learns on the job, but virgins tend to suck majorly at sex so the wedding night is probably going to be a flop anyway (the woman might think it was great, but the man’s probably mad as hell)

    Plus there’s no point building the excitement when the nuclear bomb (you think you have) is actually banga (the reality of virgin sex – which as I have said before, tends to be crap)

    Unless of course if you’re one of those “virgins” that has sucked, licked and done everything besides penetration.

    Luckily, either way you don’t stay a virgin long after marriage anyway. Let’s hope you virgins get your act together.

  53. Sugabelly

    June 9, 2009 at 7:29 am

    Oh yeah, and I forgot to add that some people really are more sexually compatible than others…

    There are people that can make your knees shake just by looking at you, and there are people that you could read a book while they’re fucking you.

    Sexual compatibility really exists and not everyone is compatible.

    Heaven forbid you marry a man that likes ….. ANAL.

    I would LOVE to see that one! Ha! Beautiful virgin wife finally gets to the Honeymoon suite with all her dreams of the perfect first time sex when he whips it out and sticks it up her ass instead. LMAO!!!!

    At least you’ll get your cherry popped, just not the one you were expecting. 😀

    Don’t mind me, I’m just being wicked.

  54. Sugabelly

    June 9, 2009 at 7:32 am

    Is that what he told you? That he’s a virgin too?

    ….
    ……..
    …………….
    ………………………….

    okay.

    …………………………
    …………………………
    …………………………

  55. Ogo

    June 9, 2009 at 8:15 am

    Sugabelly…for this comment, I HAIL YOU!!!You made a WHOLE lot of sense…Thank u,thank u and thank u again…

  56. Nancy

    June 9, 2009 at 8:36 am

    My advise to you all (virgin or non-virgin) wait! It is worth the wait (by God’s grace).

  57. Funmi

    June 9, 2009 at 1:56 pm

    LMAO!!! Sugabelly,u r hilarious! Popping the wrong cherry…lol

    I think u kinda get misunderstood for stating ur opinions (noticed u got into a debate on another post as well about some magazine cover)but ur opinionated points of view are quite refreshing…

    Totally agree with the idea of keeping yourself for your own reasons and not for some guy’s respect but we have to admit that this isn’t the point of the article- it was just a bit of fun. Not meant to provoke a philosophical debate…

  58. Sugabelly

    June 9, 2009 at 3:48 pm

    There are things that apply to people in general.. get over it. I get tired of typing (it’s not all men) as I am so often forced to do. Anyway. I did a post a while back on this very topic, titled On Virgins and Virginity.

    And the singular benefit of being a virgin for religious purposes is religious gratification (or being satisfied/happy that you are successfully following the rules of your religion)

    That’s it.

    And seriously, men don’t care as much as you’d think. Like I said before, the only reason men want to marry virgins is because they:

    a. Like the idea of being FIRST (plus it’s somehow a combination of the excitement of being the one to “corrupt innocence” – you know, back in the day when virgins were ACTUALLY innocent)

    b. Because virgins are more often than not likely to be disease-free so they can kick back and not worry about you later giving birth to a child with no nose due to your particularly virulent former STD

    c. A number of women tend to become emotionally attached to the man they lose their virginity to, so it works in favour of the husband. Of course since he didn’t lose his virginity to you, I can’t say as much for him.

    Either way, be a virgin for God or seriously take a chill pill yo.

  59. Bebe

    June 9, 2009 at 7:31 pm

    Sugabelly this your comment is totally out of order

  60. Bebe

    June 9, 2009 at 7:37 pm

    YES, sweetie, male virgins do exist. You might not know any because you don’t move in those circles, but I know at least four. In fact I had a crush on one sometime ago……

    Oh btw, they are not social outcasts either. They are well educated (Masters, Phds) , sincere, honest, hardworking decent guys with HOT bodies. They just chose not to spread their seed with any thing in skirt. I think that decision is to be admired.

    But let me ask you, have you ever considered why there is a physical aspect to virginity in the female as opposed to the male? 😉

  61. Tunde

    June 9, 2009 at 7:47 pm

    Virginity might be overrated to you, because you don’t value or treasure it. But please don’t generalise. State that this is YOUR opinion and leave it as that.

    I value any woman who reaches maturity and gets married with her virginity intact.

  62. Sugabelly

    June 9, 2009 at 8:23 pm

    um.. okay… I’m not sure what you’re gloating about but anyway. Of course I know male virgins exist. And I never for once mentioned that male virgins were social outcasts. I just pointed out that most male virgins don’t run around boasting about it to other men.

    Also, taking a man’s word about his virginity is very risky because the point is, whether a man tells you he is a virgin or not (for whatever reasons he might tell you) YOU WILL NEVER EVER KNOW.

    And because you will never ever know for sure I think it’s rather unwise to go around waving your friend’s virginity like some sort of world-domination flag. Nobody said men shouldn’t be virgins but women need to stop being smug about something that only allows men to further treat them like cattle.

    The only people you ever see running around telling anyone that will listen that they are virgins are women. And they do this because they think that their virginity somehow makes them better than every other woman around, and they get encouraged to do this by society because men run society, and men are possessive and like to be first.

    And women just lap it all up.

    Sure there are men that are virgins, but I ASSURE you they are not staying virgins because of YOU or any other woman for that matter.

    Most of them are virgins for religious reasons or philisophical reasons, that or they just want to avoid STDs.

    I’m also not sure why you are informing me that these virgins you know have masters and phds and hot bodies. The fact that you don’t stick your penis in a vagina regularly doesn’t mean that you can’t go to the gym does it?

    Hymen = Natural misfortune; like pregnancy. If women didn’t have hymens, we’d all be virgins too (just like all the men in this world are virgins, no?)

  63. Sugabelly

    June 9, 2009 at 8:27 pm

    only in SOME cultures. Lots of cultures embrace sex before marriage. Specifically, LOTS of African cultures embrace sex before marriage… at least we did until the Europeans came and told us that everything we did was from the Devil.

  64. vickky

    June 9, 2009 at 9:30 pm

    catwalq, you just made my day with your spot on spelling of a hiss………..mssstssshw…LOL.. ;-)).

  65. Tunde

    June 9, 2009 at 10:29 pm

    @ Sugabelly

    I had a quick glance through the comments feed for this post. I must say your comments are rude and patronising.

    Surely you can state your point without resorting to confrontational and insulting language? We are all adults here, we can sit on opposing sides of an argument but still find a way to maintain politeness.

    I am not so ignorant to think that being a virgin is all there is to being a WIFE. I never said that. I stated that virginity is something of worth to be valued. And that is my personal opinion. I am entitled to it.

    If I ever meet a girl that I love enough to marry, I will appreciate her whether she was a virgin on our wedding night or not.

    End of discusion.

  66. Tunde

    June 9, 2009 at 10:30 pm

    Damn! To be that husband forced to wait….

  67. Petra

    June 9, 2009 at 11:37 pm

    Not true – Sugabelly, you should at least try to present a balanced view. Your fantasy of everyone having indiscriminate sex before the missionaries came and spoilt the fun is just that… a fantasy. Many Nigerian cultures (not all, I am quick to acknowledge) are emphatic about sex being reserved for marriage, and always have been. Blaming ‘the Europeans’ is just not going to cut it. Sorry.

  68. Petra

    June 9, 2009 at 11:41 pm

    I totally agree. Don’t understand why Lol’s comment is biting this person so much. Na wa o.

  69. honey

    June 10, 2009 at 12:30 am

    good for you. i hope your would be husband will be a good lover because if he is not you are stuck in a rut, it skills from a man to be a very good lover, if your husband si good you can orgasm 3 to 4 times in just a round. can i teel you a secret? i was not a vrigin when a i married my husband, i have had 2 relationship with men but never orgasm before untill i met my husband and i had to tell him what i wnat because we are married. nija woemn have sex and lie they orgasm and they dont , large percentage of women both black and white do not experience orgasm you need a good lover to teach you that. i hope your would be husband will not disappoint you. youcna be a virgin or not men dont care all they want is a woman that knows her body and cann handle and surprise them in bed. why do men cheat is because the girl outside is experiencesd sexually. the man wife might be beautiful and he will be cheating with a ugly hippo outsid ethe mariage you have to be skilful to tame aman in the bed. believe nija men are not adventourous, its up to the women to create fun. good luck.

  70. Sugabelly

    June 10, 2009 at 1:41 am

    LOL. Just as you acknowledge that it is not all Nigerian cultures that disapprove of sex before marriage, I assert that some Nigerian cultures approve of it. And that is a balanced view.

    I did after all capitalize the word ‘SOME’ in my first comment didn’t I?

  71. Sugabelly

    June 10, 2009 at 1:43 am

    Okay, cool, but you still didn’t tell us whether or not you’re a virgin Tunde.

  72. tatafo!

    June 10, 2009 at 1:58 am

    “Unfortunately I find that its so so easy for us to condemn and judge others, and people if I must say…especially on this site! Is it a nigerian thing? (am I judging?).”

    It is not a Nigerian thing, every sub-culture does it, I’ve been on different websites that cater to specific groups and the comment wars are just as vicious.

  73. 1st Anon

    June 10, 2009 at 5:38 pm

    Thanks for pointin this out!

  74. Sugabelly

    June 10, 2009 at 8:03 pm

    So I am concluding that you are not a virgin Tunde…..

  75. tele

    June 11, 2009 at 12:44 pm

    i agree totally even if some of us fail to accept it,sex before marriage is not cool,no matter the point you r looking at it from,traditionally,culturally,religionally if there is any word like that,any one that truly and genuinely loves you should be able wait wether you have had sex before or not

  76. Funke

    June 11, 2009 at 3:52 pm

    These tips are okay, but the comments the article has generated are far more interesting…

    I definitely agree with Tip #3 – flirting with each other throughout the day. It’s easy to be so distracted by everything else going on – cameras in your face all the damn time, family and friends vying for your attention, fretting about something going wrong, etc… that you can easily forget the other person by your side. Even though I enjoyed my wedding day, looking back now, I wish hubby and I had focused just a tad more on ourselves throughout the ceremonies.

    But for the ‘virgin-like on the night’ bit, LOL, that one e get as e be.

  77. Suzanna Efiok

    June 12, 2009 at 7:58 pm

    People surely do get their panties in a bunch when the word sex comes into conversation LOL! Everybody becomes Dr. Ruth, Dr. Phil and Pastor T.D.Jakes all in one shot, abeg make una leave me o abeg! This is a free world, if you want to “try out the car” before signing the contract, that’s your perogative! If you want open your “christmas package” on “christmas day” and not one minute before, by all means go for it but PLEASE both sides should keep their judgements to themselves jare.

    In my humble opinion, I think it is best to hold out IF YOU CAN because

    1. the bible says so, yes believe it or not the bible says we should not engage in pre-marital sex and if the word of God says so then there must be good reason for it.

    2. Sex can cloud things especially on an emotional and mental level, it is better if you can’t wait until marriage but at least until you are pretty sure that this person is someone who is planning on sticking around…you want this person to stick around a while.

    3. Abstaining creates an intrigue, freshness, newness and excitement that is unbeatable during the honey moon.

    4. Believe it or not, a man respects a woman who can make a stand to hold off on sex AND will wait if he truly loves his woman because he knows that she is his bride for life and so he has all of time to enjoy his woman and her bounty.

    I have become Dr. Ruth, Phil and Pastor Jakes myself LOL. Do what is best for you, that’s all this culminates to be and be safe!

  78. Sharone

    June 15, 2009 at 1:11 am

    I like, I like very much and totally agree with you…

  79. Sharone

    June 15, 2009 at 1:16 am

    This sugabelly babe chill abeg…you seem to be rubbing off the wrong way on peeps…I think we get your point…enough already!

  80. nkem-J

    June 15, 2009 at 2:30 pm

    yh true that….wish more pipl wld undastnd al dese

  81. Mama Advice

    June 18, 2009 at 8:17 pm

    I have read this article and it is a shame that people who are not virgins are not hiding in shame. The end of days are truly approaching when a female like sugabelly flaunts her promiscuity and thinks that she should be applauded. That is pure BS. Sex is like a covenant and the more people you have it with the more entwined you are with them.My advice to virgins is that you should keep yourself, you get more respect from your husband and you also can get grace and blessing from God for waiting. Believe me, you need all the blessings and answered prayers you can get when you get married.For those who are not virgins, and would like to get right with God, try and abstain and ask God for forgiveness and all the blessings you will need as a wife. For the experience part, I advice virgins to read tantra and learn what to use and do to please your husband. Making love should be like worship and should be enjoyed with no guilty conscience. When you make love b4 marriage you have invited the devil into ur r/ship and he will surely revisit it when u are married. People that have different kinds of problems in marriage don’t know it is as a result of their disobedience to God in the first place. A man that can wait is a true man period…

  82. chickee

    June 18, 2009 at 8:40 pm

    No disrespect meant but please please please stop tell virgins and young women to save themselves for their husband!!! Your comment reeks of all the double standards present b/w men and women. In your entire rant you did not mention anything about men aside from your last token sentence about a “true man”. May I ask, why do virgins have to read tantra so they can please their husbands? Should men not do the same? Are wives not to be pleased? Both partners deserve to enjoy sex- you should not present sexual enjoyment as solely the job of the wife.
    I can agree with waiting so as to please God, but waiting to please a husband who most likely has already had numerous partners??? Um, hell no!
    What ever choice one makes regarding sex (virgin or not) be sure that it is for reasons you can be happy with.

  83. Gbo Gbo Bigz Girls

    June 19, 2009 at 7:34 am

    I can’t believe some of these comments. These same people castigating those who decided to test run the car before buying (as someone put it) are the same ones whose husbands were/are super star players, who are still chooking around with all the chicks in town. They are the ones who will say ‘as long as he comes back to me’ abi….please let’s not be fooled. These labels and restrictions were put in place to further keep women from ‘knowing’ the same pleasures that men get from sex. Why are men the ones entitled to multiple wives and women don’t get multiple husbands. Have you asked yourselves? All these Holy books were written by men who tell us they were inspired by God or that God gave it to them. If someone came to you today with that story would you accept it. Bottom line is sex is sex to men. Whether the coochie is brand new or tried and tested for durability. It is what lies in the HEART that counts. If you have not noticed BUSTED ASHEWOS too find LOVE and husbands who adore them and are devoted to them as ‘regular’ or ‘virgin’ girls. Good marriages are not restricted to women who were virgins, no matter how much you try to think it will. So please quit with the judgement. DO WHAT FLOATS YOUR BOAT as longs as you are happy with it, can live with your decision and have no regrets.

  84. GamGam

    June 19, 2009 at 7:39 pm

    LWIM!

    World of Warcraft and Unreal Tournament

  85. GamGam

    June 19, 2009 at 7:45 pm

    i have seen those men, have them as friends, these are dudes that got thinking by themselves. Sex is not something to play about with anyways.

  86. Kpakpando Nwanyi

    June 19, 2009 at 11:21 pm

    Kpom kwem.

  87. Sugabelly

    June 20, 2009 at 7:17 am

    “People that have different kinds of problems in marriage don’t know it is as a result of their disobedience to God in the first place.”

    Right, so a woman that remains a virgin till marriage and then discovers that her husband is gay/bisexual it is because she had premarital sex abi?

    Or what about the legions of Nigerian women who were virgins on their wedding night but whose husbands are happily screwing the housemaid – what did they do wrong?

    Oh, and unfortunately no amount of theory can make up for practicals. Sex is not the SAT. Just because you read a few books doesn’t mean you will magically be fantastic at it immediately. I wish it worked that way but it doesn’t. Go and read the post on Solomon Sydelle’s blog right now and you will see what I mean.

  88. Noor

    June 20, 2009 at 7:51 am

    “Believe it or not, a man respects a woman who can make a stand to hold off on sex AND will wait if he truly loves his woman because he knows that she is his bride for life and so he has all of time to enjoy his woman and her bounty.”

    Please forgive me if I sound confused but… are you suggesting that women should remain virgins in order to win the respect of men?

    Do you realise that if you made the same statement backwards and suggested it to a man he’d laugh in your face?

    Right, so, according to you, we should remain virgins so that we can marry husbands who:

    a. Are NOT virgins

    b. Will promptly fuck someone else at the very first opportunity.

    It’s all about stroking the male ego I see…

    Please. Telling a woman to remain a virgin in order to win the respect of a man is the WORST advice I have EVER heard. Men will still sleep with whomever they want to irrespective of what is between your legs.

    If what you say is true then why are so many very married Nigerian men whistling at young girls through the partially rolled down tinted windows of their Mercedes and Lexuses and Camrys and Bentleys and Ranges?

    If what you say is true why is Abuja such a hotbed of young single girls and married Senators, Governors, Politicians, etc etc? Aren’t all these Honorable Senators and so on MARRIED? At least of all them I am sure that there is a cross-section whose wives were virgins (or at least claimed to be) on their wedding night. This fact does not seem to deter them in the least from chasing every young woman that enters their line of sight.

    What is wrong with this picture?

    If you want to be a virgin, good for you. Go and be a virgin if your religion requires it and I will RESPECT you. But please, don’t even give me any nonsense about wanting a man to respect you. The man whose respect you are so dying for, is he staying a virgin to win your respect? After you’re married he still chases women if he thinks he can get away with it – is that what you call respect?

    Virginity does not equal Good Marriage or Faithful Husband.

    I would rather have a husband that loves me and respects me and is faithful to me and supports me than a husband that puts me on a fake pedestal and treats me like I’m a China doll because I was a virgin but fucks every other woman when he thinks I’m not looking.

    How many women have this story? Too. Many. Women. Too Many Nigerian Women. Too many Nigerian women are forced to look the other way while their husband whores because they believe their husband “respects” them.

    They say to themselves “I was a virgin so he respects me. Somehow underneath all this he respects me. He respects me more than that other woman he’s sleeping with. That’s why I’m the one that has the ring and the house and the car.” Uh-huh. If that’s respect then you can keep it.

    Wow. Really? Men just say all this crap so that we’ll do what they want without realising it.

    How many men out there are staying virgins for the specific purpose of being disvirgined by some obscure woman in the future? Even the ones that tell SOME girls they are virgins will deny it vigorously in the presence of other men so let’s get real here.

    With the strict exception of religion, virginity doesn’t really count just the same way with the strict exception of fucking appendicitis, the appendix in humans doesn’t really count. Anyone that thinks that respect is based on virginity needs to get their head examined. People don’t just dole out respect for hymen like you’re paying money for bread. Respect doesn’t come that easy so please.

  89. Sugabelly

    June 20, 2009 at 7:58 am

    Wow there are so many things fucking wrong with this statement I don’t know whether to laugh or to type.

    Do you honestly think that just because a woman waits to get married before she has sex she is suddenly impervious to divorce? Bride for Life – are you KIDDING me?

    Seriously, this is no longer funny. Some people need to look out their window at real life.

  90. Mobola

    June 20, 2009 at 6:44 pm

    You people still dey here?
    I commented on this article earlier on when I was quite heated because of the BIGOTRY that was displayed here. The agreement should be no one looks down on anyone because of their sexual choices, yes having sex before marriage or not does not guarantee happiness.
    What I find very distasteful is how certain people want to tear down virgins for the choice they made – I don’t get it. There are people tearing down the so-called “promiscuous” ones – but the vehemence of the arguments against virgins is quite ..hmmn. There is an undertone of bitterness – like some people are secretly hoping that the marriage of a virgin doesn’t work out – so they can gloat and say, “So what was the point of keeping it?” Na wa oh!

  91. Nneka

    June 21, 2009 at 12:58 pm

    I have to second that. I actually LOLed and responded to her ‘cherry’ comment but had a system error when i added the comment.

    I love the way Sugabelly steps up to any debate. Doesn’t mean I always agree with her position. But on this topic, SHE DOES! This talk of keeping yourself for A MAN has me seriously baffled!!! How? Why? It’s even more ridiculous when those ‘virginity=men’s respect’ theories are then laced with religious propaganda. Odiegwu o!

    So let me tell you why MOST religiously-aware folks engage in premarital sex. Because they desire to keep themselves JUST because that’s what their religion mandates, not because they have a personal motivation on staying virgins. If those laws changed in a second, gbam! You’ll see their once private griddings become public. They would probably call this obedience to the new law.

    Point is, stay a virgin for you and the pride you get from being something that’s truly uncommon, not for a MAN!
    Also for sexually active yet religious folks: find motivational UNIFORMITY between your religious beliefs and your personal beliefs. The two have to work together. Period.

    All the best to both groups.

  92. african queen

    June 21, 2009 at 11:14 pm

    wow…i have enjoyed both reading the article and the comments..you guys are truly amazing. i love being a Nigeria!! as for the matter of a virgin or non-virgin i will keep to myself. we all know what we believe in and what we stand for, hopefully is nothing that we will regret as time goes on. i luv u guys. stay blessed

  93. Suzanna Efiok

    June 22, 2009 at 2:16 pm

    May God truly bless you for this comment which was made with respect and without judgment of other’s opinion.

  94. Suzanna Efiok

    June 22, 2009 at 2:21 pm

    To Mama Advice: May God truly bless you for this comment which was made with respect and without judgment of other’s opinion.

  95. Silkywave

    June 23, 2009 at 11:31 pm

    Wow.. interesting conversations up there. Anyways, here is my two cents….
    Ladies, your only motivation to be a virgin not be to please your husband and be respected by him, cos if that is the case… you are closer to loosing it than you think. If you really need a good reason to remain a virgin… one good one is because God loved you so much to send his son for you.. and if the only think you can do for him is to obey his word ..pls lets strive for it as much as we can.

    Also lets axcts as if all ladies wake up each day and plan on loosing thier virginity before marriage.. things happen and sex happens too.. So if you fall in a situation where it happen.. all you require is genuine repentance and then follows abstains till the right time.

    I personally believe there is nothing to exciting about sex before marriage…. If you talk to alot of married couple they have sex maybe 2-3 times or even less… so ppl eventually get tired of it.. so why… ruin it all.

    I believe in having sth to look forward to and that is totally up to me.. All the same it is not by might neither is it by power.. but it is all by the spirit of God. So lets all ask Him for help.. cos i’m positive we all need it 🙂

  96. Miha

    June 24, 2009 at 1:59 am

    This pretty much sums it up

  97. 1st Anon

    June 24, 2009 at 3:08 pm

    Nowadays I just come to Bella Naija to check out new comments on this article.

    lol.

  98. Joanne Oji

    July 4, 2009 at 8:08 pm

    my God Noor…. u jst summed everything up. i totally agree wit u

  99. tomisin

    January 25, 2010 at 6:42 pm

    sex according to the bible is made for married couples only. if u decide to comply, it shuld be because u believe it it nd don’t want to sin nt to gain anyone’s respect.if u’ve had pre marital sex, that’s ur own destiny, mine(and for those hu havn’t) is different. As a true christian, u’ll understand that divorce is also a sin. what’s the point of waiting for your wedding night if u r just going to divorce and sleep with another man. before u get married, listen to God, pray for signs that show if he’s the one, visit pastors for counselling and prayer and ask them to talk to God on your behalf. he’ll tell u if u r making the right decision or not. It happened to an aunt of mine, she nd this guy were supposed to get married, bt every pastor they went to kept telling them they were not meant for each other. it was hard but they broke up nd less than 2 yrs later, they are both happily married to their chosen spouses. the bible makes sense, sex is for marriage and marriage is for life. The thing is that deep down we know premarital sex is wrong, according to God and those who went against it try to defend their actions. Like i said, our destinies r different. virginity isn’t for women only. why would i hold on to my virginty and then eventually marry someone who has been around? why would i marry someone who maybe made up his mind to enjoy himself nw and thereafter marry a virgin? marrry someone on the same spiritual level as you. capishe?

  100. kenora

    September 28, 2010 at 11:57 pm

    nice one ,but i dont think i we be tire bcuz that nite a baby must enter hahahhaha

  101. beauty805

    December 26, 2012 at 9:39 pm

    Lol! Interesting! Noor nd sugabelly are d only sincere comments I lyk.

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