Beyonce is my hero. Finally, someone creates a song, which allows single women to gyrate on the dance floor, while married women sit in silence. For years the plight of the single woman has been one of torment. God forbid you are in your late twenties and unmarried, worse still if you are above 30…yikes! If it isn’t the subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) hints from your parents or married friends driving you crazy, it’s the low life guys wanting to take advantage of your vulnerability that will be your Achilles heel. The pressure is indeed immense.
Unfortunately this has created what I would like to call marry or die syndrome. The signs are easy to spot; doing anything and everything to keep a man i.e. cutting off close friends and family, cooking and cleaning his house, putting up with his cheating ways and generally playing wife to a man who clearly shows no signs of settling down.
Case in point, a friend of mine recently closed her facebook account because it was causing problems in her new relationship. Thinking I was being a good friend, I said to her in the nicest tone I could muster, “Amina, if he is making you close your face book account after dating for 4weeks he will restrict you from many more things in future”. Her reply nearly killed me. “Glory, this is why you are not married, you better calm down before you find yourself unmarried at 40”. My answer was calm, “I’d rather be crying and begging God for my husband at 40, than be 40 and lying next to a man I despise”. This happened over three months ago and I haven’t spoken to Amina since. But I receive constant updates from mutual friends on how her boyfriend constantly cheats on her and how unhappy she really is. Everyone has advised her to move on but she believes her wedding ring is on the way and so clings on to her cheating excuse of a man, like her life depends on it, while cutting off friends who provide any form of good advice.
If I am honest, I feel for Amina and I really would like to mend our friendship but it would be difficult for me to stand by and watch my friend dwindling away and remain silent. It bothers me when women attach so much value to being married and forget who they are. Please don’t get me wrong, I am not an advocate for singleness, I agree that marriage is definitely a good thing and is a desire for most women, but what ever happened to self-esteem, valuing yourself and enjoying your life? Why do most women attach their life’s worth to being married, like its some currency you can exchange for great wealth on the black market? When will women wake up and realise that no man will ever complete you and neither will he ever value you above the value you place on your self? Its such a pity that most single women are selling out on their God given talent and potential because they choose to sit still while they wait for the one. Truth is we are all likely to get married at some point, kids and all the fulfilment that comes with marriage will come. But what happens before then is also important, the woman you are, the lessons you learn and the legacy you build are all helpful tools that help build strong marriages. And the sooner we realise that the better. Marriage itself is full of challenges and is no walk in the park, so marrying for the sake of it may not necessarily payout in the long run.
So my dear single ladies, the next time you hear “single ladies”, crank up the volume, shake your derriere and appreciate who you are, where you are and where you are going. Like every other blessing in life, marriage will come and when your Knight in shinning armour arrives it will definitely be worth the wait!