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Get Married or Die Trying

Glory Edozien

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jilted-bride-thumb-200x320-94766Beyonce is my hero. Finally, someone creates a song, which allows single women to gyrate on the dance floor, while married women sit in silence. For years the plight of the single woman has been one of torment. God forbid you are in your late twenties and unmarried, worse still if you are above 30…yikes! If it isn’t the subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) hints from your parents or married friends driving you crazy, it’s the low life guys wanting to take advantage of your vulnerability that will be your Achilles heel. The pressure is indeed immense.

Unfortunately this has created what I would like to call marry or die syndrome. The signs are easy to spot; doing anything and everything to keep a man i.e. cutting off close friends and family, cooking and cleaning his house, putting up with his cheating ways and generally playing wife to a man who clearly shows no signs of settling down.

Case in point, a friend of mine recently closed her facebook account because it was causing problems in her new relationship. Thinking I was being a good friend, I said to her in the nicest tone I could muster, “Amina, if he is making you close your face book account after dating for 4weeks he will restrict you from many more things in future”. Her reply nearly killed me. “Glory, this is why you are not married, you better calm down before you find yourself unmarried at 40”. My answer was calm, “I’d rather be crying and begging God for my husband at 40, than be 40 and lying next to a man I despise”. This happened over three months ago and I haven’t spoken to Amina since. But I receive constant updates from mutual friends on how her boyfriend constantly cheats on her and how unhappy she really is. Everyone has advised her to move on but she believes her wedding ring is on the way and so clings on to her cheating excuse of a man, like her life depends on it, while cutting off friends who provide any form of good advice.

If I am honest, I feel for Amina and I really would like to mend our friendship but it would be difficult for me to stand by and watch my friend dwindling away and remain silent. It bothers me when women attach so much value to being married and forget who they are. Please don’t get me wrong, I am not an advocate for singleness, I agree that marriage is definitely a good thing and is a desire for most women, but what ever happened to self-esteem, valuing yourself and enjoying your life? Why do most women attach their life’s worth to being married, like its some currency you can exchange for great wealth on the black market? When will women wake up and realise that no man will ever complete you and neither will he ever value you above the value you place on your self? Its such a pity that most single women are selling out on their God given talent and potential because they choose to sit still while they wait for the one. Truth is we are all likely to get married at some point, kids and all the fulfilment that comes with marriage will come. But what happens before then is also important, the woman you are, the lessons you learn and the legacy you build are all helpful tools that help build strong marriages. And the sooner we realise that the better. Marriage itself is full of challenges and is no walk in the park, so marrying for the sake of it may not necessarily payout in the long run.

So my dear single ladies, the next time you hear “single ladies”, crank up the volume, shake your derriere and appreciate who you are, where you are and where you are going. Like every other blessing in life, marriage will come and when your Knight in shinning armour arrives it will definitely be worth the wait!

Glory is the host and executive producer of Inspire Series, the web talk show which uses the collective stories of everyday women to inspire others. She believes women are more than hand bags, hair, make-up and other externalities and is passionate about about pursuing purpose and living above societal conformities. She is also a day dreamer, and romantic at heart who loves TV, food and family. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram @inspiredbyglory and read more from her on www.inspiredbyglory.com

81 Comments

  1. Ibo Omoge

    October 9, 2009 at 8:16 pm

    Glory, you couldn’t have said it better. I can really relate to your situation. I’ve once had a friend scold me for leaving a guy, telling me that at a point in life we just have to “close eye and pick one” because we are not getting any younger…..HUH?!!!…Why do I have to be the one to “settle” for just anyone?

  2. Bintu

    October 9, 2009 at 8:46 pm

    Fool yourself!Mschewwwwwwwwwww!!!!

  3. oluwaseun

    October 9, 2009 at 9:29 pm

    i feel you,seriously why do ladies attach so much getting married.fine,its every woman’s dream to get married,if it happens fine,if it doesn’t happen its all good.we unique with or without marriage,that doesn’t mean we should lose our sense of value and uniqueness just because one is not married.

  4. nono

    October 9, 2009 at 11:05 pm

    Yay! I’m first…Nice article…altho I am married……But I do think women shouldnt be in a hurry to get married so much so that they make the wrong decision…Marriage is hard enough without the added wahala of marrying the wrong person

  5. biola

    October 9, 2009 at 11:38 pm

    brilliant write up, i really identfiy with this article, been there , seen it.
    I am even more encouraged now. thanx

  6. Sal

    October 9, 2009 at 11:40 pm

    I love this piece. Right on Point

  7. me

    October 10, 2009 at 1:01 am

    took the words right out of my mouth!

  8. Anon

    October 10, 2009 at 1:05 am

    Haha, i love the title of the article…very catch.You speak the truth!!! I know most females might show disdain but I totally agree with what you’re saying. Because you are not married at so so age doesn’t mean you should turn to a “Desperate Dan”. Carry yourself with dignity and keep your head up…..trust me men can smell desperation from a distance.

  9. Catwalq

    October 10, 2009 at 2:22 am

    Bintu, what do u mean?

  10. uloma

    October 10, 2009 at 2:34 am

    lets not forget that the artist who sang this song is married herself…..hint hint.

  11. MiaJadore

    October 10, 2009 at 4:17 am

    I hear you on this one.But remember also that Beyonce gave it to Jay Z for free for 7 years, and after she got her ring came “if you like it put a ring on it” I get your point, but I hate that dumb song.

  12. Zaine

    October 10, 2009 at 10:31 am

    hmmm….you are so right Gloria…i just don’t understand how some women feel they are worth nothing if they don’t have a ring on their finger…

  13. NNenna

    October 10, 2009 at 3:40 pm

    Hi “amina”…a.k.a BINTU….

    Glory has spoken the truth—-love it or hate it.

  14. olu

    October 10, 2009 at 9:22 pm

    hey oluwaseun, i feel u on dat statement but i must say as one gets older, then u get this pressure from family and peers. one thing i know for sure is that these people re not going be there in ur marriage, u in it for life no support from others when things dont go well. taking ones time is the best, as in wait for ur bone or ur bone .

  15. olu

    October 10, 2009 at 9:34 pm

    well said Anon.

  16. obinna

    October 10, 2009 at 11:09 pm

    Very interesting. I totally agree. Marriage is extremely hard work (as you can tell…i’m married) and with the wrong person, can turn really sour, really fast. It’s not some golden egg that yields a cash prize. It can be beautiful, but also ugly. Make sure your partner is the right guy and don’t compromise your soul just to answer Mrs.

  17. 2 gems (Dith)

    October 11, 2009 at 12:30 am

    PREACH!!!!! Marraige is not d beginning and the end.
    Some have gone through life comfortably without it and some have gone through life miserably with it.

    Beyonce may be married but like she was saying, if a man likes u just as u are, he’ll def put a ring on it and Not like how you think he wants u to be.
    D real you will definitely resurface one day, So ladies, STOP ALL THE FORMING!!
    Remember she (Beyonce) can’t even cook but she stl has her hubby wrapped around her finger.

    Just saying…

  18. toyosi

    October 11, 2009 at 1:09 am

    lol. Nnena, u’ve cracked me up. Nice write-up. It takes grace though to be able to withstand all the snide remarks and side comments as one gets older.

  19. mary

    October 11, 2009 at 1:35 am

    You made my day NNenna!!! rolling over with laughter

  20. GamGam

    October 11, 2009 at 8:13 am

    Beyonce’s song tals about making a real/true commitment to a relationship, aint just about getting married for goodness sakes.

    Anyway, i’d rather be 40, with 4 dogs and alone, than be 40, with a life i hate

  21. molly

    October 11, 2009 at 3:27 pm

    something needs 2 b said abt being single within d naija community, Beyonce’s song or no song – luv d song, dont no d words, wouldn’t take it 2 seriously even if I did.

    The point is Nigerians have a way of automatically assuming that if u r single u r unhappy n ur life is sad. True dat most of us do want someone but if u r like me it has 2 b d right one, willing 2 wait till I find him. In d words of a friend ‘I don’t want what u ve’ dat 2nd best is just sooo NOT me. If ur friend is getting married n u happen 2 b 2 busy witth ur on life’s bundle to be at her beck n call 2 run errands, they automatically assume u r jealous. If u laugh 2 much at a married man’s joke, they automatically assume u r interested….PUHLEEEEASE get over urself! Because of this a no of single women feel alienated, are slighted and made 2 feel like they r deficient in some ways. Because of this I ve come across so many single women who cut their married friends off cos they are tired of people thinking they are interested in their spouses! Cos of the way society reacts some single women given in to pressure and are willing 2 settle for less than the best.

  22. Tolu

    October 11, 2009 at 4:52 pm

    Another fantastic article. This topic seems to be popping up all the time these days. “God will never create your soul mate and not allow you to meet him” Steve Harvey! Ladies have to learn to be patient and I’m sure it will be worth the wait.

  23. olu

    October 12, 2009 at 12:06 am

    omo i feel u on that statement about friends that are married. and when these friends start having kids…. then thats something else again.
    this piece is becoming more interesting.

  24. kiki

    October 12, 2009 at 12:41 am

    i loved this article and even though i’m married…..it goes to show how desperate we women can be in order to hook up with the right guy…..marriage is fun but definitely not a bed of roses…..it requires a lot of commitment…..giving up a lot…….so to all the single ladies…put ur hands up…..and if he likes….he’ll surely put a ring on it…..

  25. Nicole

    October 12, 2009 at 4:59 am

    You have taken the words right from my thoughts. A woman could be accomplishing great things in her own life, Lord help us, she could be president of a nation and they would still feel like she is nothing and has really achieved nothing because she is unmarried and without children. As advanced as we are, many still measure our worth by our ability to keep house and reproduce. King Onoja is asking for fairer representation of men, I am asking for society to allow us women to live our lives in peace, husband or no husband, children or no children.

  26. bc george

    October 12, 2009 at 10:47 am

    women liberation to the fullest…will be right back on this.

  27. tele

    October 12, 2009 at 11:57 am

    lets get our priority right sisters,God has created every one of us for a life of purpose single or married,lets pray we fulfill his purpose either single or married,if he’s not gonna help me fulfill my purpose why then should i stick to him,wat i always pray for is a man that will complement me n help me be the best ,same for u all

  28. Rebecca Roberts

    October 12, 2009 at 1:14 pm

    @ miaJadore I completely agree with your comments. On a lighter and funny note, this song is causing so much trouble. At NYSC camp of batch B 2009, there was a fight between a single lady and a “proud” married woman; the problem was the single lady saying that a the married woman’s ringtone was this hit single, and she felt the married one was trying to spit her, my goodness wonders shall never end. all the single ladies was the cause of real women’s cat fight……………… If only Beyonce knew what this song is doing to some single ladies…………. me am single and happy till the one finds me lol

  29. jcsgrl

    October 12, 2009 at 4:03 pm

    Thank you oh…I meant to say the same thing. To me, the song makes a mockery of single women. I don’t understand why single women should celebrate that slap in a face song. She wan make una celebrate with her as in man don finally put ring for im finger after 7 yrs of banging ha yash for free…msheeewww.

  30. Natasha

    October 12, 2009 at 6:52 pm

    wow! totally luv this write up, I agree with everyone’s comment….omg! I can’t stand the assumptions of many Nigerians that a woman can’t be fulfilled without being married. I heard sayings like “she fit get all the money and degrees for this wolrd but if she never marry, she never start o” such archaic reasonings, how shameful! I’m in my late 20’s and friends are already bugging the heck out of me cos I’m not married yet, funniest thing is that my parents don’t put such pressure on me and hv never discussed the topic (my parents r a rare breed) I thank God for them. This topic is so on point, love it!

  31. yashi

    October 12, 2009 at 9:20 pm

    Mind u girls, Beyounce is married so think about it

  32. Married Women Looking For Affairs

    October 12, 2009 at 11:30 pm

    I only got married so I can experience the excitement of having an affair.

  33. ProudlyNaija

    October 13, 2009 at 12:24 am

    Guess she told Jay Z to ‘put a ring on it’ or ‘like a ghost she’ll be gone’!!!! Well, I think women should not settle just because they want to get married by hook or by crook. A man cheats on you and yet you choose to ignore it, he is violent yet you would rather cover it up with heavy foundation and marry him because you want to join the mrs club. This happens often when women become deseperate to get married. However, I must say that some things should not be a barrier e.g. Jay Z grew up in the ghetto while Beyonce grew up in what you can call a middle class home. So all the single ladies please don’t despise humble beginnings abeg o, ‘cos some of those guys have substance unlike some that come from rich homes. By the way Beyonce is just saying a man should be comitted and if he is not then like a ghost you should leave him alone-cos he is not that into you.

  34. Ncyluv

    October 13, 2009 at 12:03 pm

    to matters worse, the married ones or about to get married feel u need their help to meet ur own husband. imagine a friend of mine that recently got engaged now looks at me like i am too complicated or choosy. Na wah own. i remember some months back when we used to talk and pray together about meeting our spouses.

  35. Woman Scorned

    October 13, 2009 at 2:29 pm

    Glory Glory Glory! Another hit!! Bella pls who is this lady?! LMAO..love Nnena’s comment to Bintu..aka ‘Amina’. Bintu, u got told hon!
    I love this article! I keep saying its not a race to the alter. No one wants to be the talk of town for getting married n be the talk of town for being Mrs soon-to-be divorced! God forbid abeg!! Do it once n do it right! NO BE RACE O!!!!!!!

  36. curvy

    October 13, 2009 at 3:36 pm

    I am 27 and about 50% of my friends are married or engaged…..i think i put more pressure on my self than anyone else does though….

  37. Somewhere in the midwest

    October 13, 2009 at 3:54 pm

    Am I infected because I’m still single, everyone automatically assumes there must be something wrong with you if you are still single, of course I want to get married, but I’m not going to devalue myself because of a ring, I wanted 30-40 years of a happy married life, I don’t want the 3 month honeymoon and then my husband is in the club dancing with some other random chick and getting his freak on and I need to be understanding because I got a ring, as Whitney would say “Hell to the NO”

  38. rita

    October 13, 2009 at 4:41 pm

    very nice article

  39. olu

    October 13, 2009 at 6:54 pm

    no bi only u dis dey happen too. i get dat a lot from engaged/married friends.

  40. Elle Woods

    October 13, 2009 at 7:32 pm

    OMG ppl need to shut up already about this marriage thing. Marry if you want, don’t marry if you don’t want to…how many times are we gonna read about this? Leave Amina if all she wants is a ring and you sef do your own. Abi? Enough with the essays. Beyonce ko…beyonce wey don marry.

    http://www.creditcrunchwhat.blogspot.com

  41. fat is fit, me love myself.

    October 13, 2009 at 9:22 pm

    lol, am nt intimidated being single at 28. just when the right one comes,(whenever) i will still and always shout a thank u Lord.i know a friends sister who got married in her early 40’s and is living life and love,nw with 3kids. So there is no expiry date(why the haste?). Lets learn to know and love ourselves single g’s. Muahhhhh2y’all.

  42. NNena

    October 14, 2009 at 12:15 am

    WHO pulled your pigtail???
    THIS whether you acknowledge it or not is a SERIOUS issue amongst women–both single or married.It’s something we talk about,our friends talk about,our families talk about.
    Even if it’s in varying degrees of seriousness.
    And there is nothing the matter if it is raised as a topic to be discussed or reflected upon.
    ..CHILL WOMAN..it’s not that serious!!!

    AND
    So long as men and women roam this earth,THIS TOPIC WILL CONTINUE TO BE DISCUSSED–SO GET USED TO IT OR BLOCK YOUR EARS…

  43. FirstIWantToDanceWithYouPere

    October 14, 2009 at 6:21 am

    i totally feel you..I have a friend who is getting married real soon..Last year we were both talking about our singlehood and saying “God’s time is the best” all of a sudden this babe got a ring put on it and now she has made it her business to tell me that i am been picky,and i should be more open and that maybe its me that has the problem. Like what the fuck! Thank God my parents dont pressure me…

  44. Keyz

    October 14, 2009 at 8:27 am

    Women should’nt just listen to people like Beyonce and Oprah them,these people just push women to break their relationships.This Beyonce girl spent a whole 6yrs working on a relationship with Jay Z and when he finally married her,she starts urging young girls to put pressure on their partners to put a ring on it,women should be careful what they listen to…

  45. mj

    October 14, 2009 at 8:48 am

    thank u SO much for this article. you should have mentioned how in all the churches they make you feel even worse. STAND UP and pray for god to send you a spouse! and if u sit down they nudge you or pull u up. rubbish

  46. Elle Woods

    October 14, 2009 at 2:24 pm

    The reason why it continues to be an issue is because people (like you and the author)will not stop talking about it. HOW BOUT YOU JUST DO YOU? Once people start living their own lives regardless of what others might say or think, the sooner issues like this will stop being the norm.

  47. woman scorned

    October 14, 2009 at 6:08 pm

    if you have a problem with the article, people who write and talk about it…you dont have to comment!..haba..na by force???? You pple just like to bring people down. When u start writing your own we shall see…HISSSSS!!!!!

  48. Suzanna Efiok

    October 14, 2009 at 8:36 pm

    at least na una friend dey tell una sey una dey choosy, try my own now wey be my brother wey tell me sey make i come down my high standard if i wan find bobo. i ask am if na b/c him standard low wey im last wife no only wowoh but no get book? oh yes! make i hear word, jare. some of these married chicks are actually wearing those engagement rings and wedding bands around their necks, wrists and ankles inside the house and of course mystery loves company, no be so? if your marriage is so happy, you shouldn’t even have time to be poking your nose in another person’s singleness or na wetin!

    i had a few friends change up on me once they got married, they started acting like they were better able to find man, wanting to give me strategy and these are people we used to hang out together, pray for a good man together and the same people now tink sey i be bad luck. did i let it bother me? for a hot minute and then i shook them off like dead leaves because the God wey bless them, get my own and that’s what kept me from cursing them she-goats out! lol

    i am now in my mid 30’s, of course i want to get married but i had refused to settle for less than what i thought i deserved and i am glad i bidded my time because i have finally met my match. we are both the same age and determined to take our time though funnily, he is the one getting pressure from his family than i am from mine and him na oyingbo sef no be naija lmnao. even my dear father has told me, it is not a race, take your time!

    see, it is easy to get into marriage o but to commot am na anoda matta ehe!

  49. Purpliecious babe

    October 14, 2009 at 9:33 pm

    WOW, this is a nice article, I totally agree with you and the perception you are coming from.But we have to understand that some people do not understand the true meaning of marriage, hence most people end up with the wrong partner and end up breaking up. The most important thing is to love God and pray that you fulfill what you have been created on this earth for. In addition, God will invest more in you and make you a woman of virtue and will definatly bring your own ordained husband.

    Don’t be surprised this husband will be 20 times more of a man than your friends have got themselves, this is because God is preparing you a diamond, that has to be refined, cleaned, processed and finally ready to sparkle. Besides, most people do not understand the meaning of Love, and their own interpretation of Love could be anything from being a fool and a doormat to someone. May the Good Lord continue to help us and influence our thoughts and actions. In addition, read book of Corithians Ch 13, also one has to put into consideration a whole generation that will be coming forth and really the foundation start from the choices you make, whethere good or bad ones. SO marriage shouldn’t be taken likely it’s a serious institution. It is well.

  50. NNena

    October 15, 2009 at 1:48 am

    You don’t even make a lick of sense Ella woods or whatever you call yourself.
    I don’t even feel like digging into you any further–worthless venture.

  51. Ade

    October 15, 2009 at 3:45 am

    Only god knows which fantasy land you guys live in

  52. maya

    October 15, 2009 at 5:09 am

    Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside equally desperate to get out. – Michel de Montaigne

  53. Cici

    October 15, 2009 at 5:41 am

    I personally don’t like the “Single Ladies” song. Ok, Bey and Jay were together for 7yrs, and finally got married. I remember reading this interview, where Bey said she will not rush into anything, until she’s ready for it. So, I guess when she was ready, that’s when Jay put a ring on it. Someone said that Bey can’t even cook, but still has Jay wrapped around her fingers. Do people seriously think, if Bey wasn’t a celebrity, Jay will be putting up with all of that. It’s interesting how some women think it’s ok to not be able to use your hands to do anything, and expect the man to be ok with it, you are still in a fantasy world, come back to reality. I’m not saying that a woman should be a slave, but no matter what, women still have to play their role, just as men have to play their role.

    Is either people idolize marriage, or people don’t see the true meaning of marriage, so these are two extremes to me. My thing is, people should stop taking marriage as a joke, like get married just to have a wedding, and the next thing is divorce or a bitter marriage. If you know he or she is not the right person to spend the rest of your life with, then don’t commit to it. Also, I hear many single women say, forget marriage, i will be married to myself, which sometimes mean sleeping with all these different men, and even married men, and some women call that “women’s independence”, get out of here with that nonsense. All I know is it’s not meant to be that way. I mean, if you are not married, it’s not the end of the world, but marriage should be taken seriously too. I love been single, and no rush, but I also will like to be married one day definitely to the right person.

  54. clefticjayjay

    October 15, 2009 at 12:37 pm

    Looks like Miss Elle Woods is a single lady. lol

  55. Elle Woods

    October 15, 2009 at 2:18 pm

    lol…far from it. But i don’t feel the need to start writing stories about how awesome it is to have a partner. The constant write up only points out the fact that yes…some of you single ladies have issues with being single. So stop ridiculing Amina cos she wants to get married by force. Its her life not yours. Offering your opinion on her need to get a ring is the same as people coming up to you and asking you why you aint married. shio! Keep lying to yourselves.

  56. Beekay

    October 18, 2009 at 8:24 pm

    Nice piece but I argue if you know Beyounce well enough to refer to her as your hero or the inspiration behind this article. She often dosen’t practise what she sings. She makes single ladies comfortable with her songs but she’s happily married(maybe not, time will tell) and she’s so feminist in songs but worships Jaycee(a.k.a)Oluwabeyounce.

  57. Coca blosh

    October 19, 2009 at 10:40 am

    I LOVE Purpliecious babe and cici’s COMMENTS SO FAR. Women please INVEST IN YOURSELVES and realise your PURPOSE IN LIFE BEFORE EVEN contemplating getting into a next relationship…. if you dont- YOU’LL HAVE YOURSELF TO BLAME!!! point, blank, PERIOD!

  58. Anitha

    October 19, 2009 at 11:17 am

    Glory, this is the truth and please write more of things like this. Most Nigerian wives were like Amina before they got married.

    Over the years they cry alone in the bedrooms but the smart ones have affairs as a form of therapy.

    Methinks, it is best to marry non Nigerians that may treat you better after failing to find a suitable Naija man. That is what I intend to do…

  59. wallex

    October 19, 2009 at 11:51 am

    @Nnena: You really do not have to drag the writer of this piece down. She has absolute right to write whatever she deem fit. You equally have same right not to visit her blog too. Those of us who appreciate whatever she’s doing will continue to visit and appreciate her. There is no way a woman and even men would shy away from an issue as important as marriage. Not in our kind of African setting. Much as i don’t encourage anyone to marry one mad man in the name of wanting to be married,so also will i not pray a woman should remain single.

  60. Elle Woods

    October 19, 2009 at 6:19 pm

    what kind of comment is this? What if she doesn’t want to marry? Is her life suddenly less worthy? Some of y’all be killing me!!

  61. Alice

    October 20, 2009 at 1:03 am

    I have not laughed this hard in a long time. I just love the line…”it’s the low life guys wanting to take advantage of your vulnerability that will be your Achilles heel”.

    Yep, I have just gone thru this recently…

    I’m 33 living in the States. Unmarried, player with a passport, highly educated and highly paid. I recently got an email from an old Lagos high school friend. He tracked me down via Facebook and wanted to meet up and I said yes. We discussed meeting place and time…anyway, after he wrote emails all about him having a crush on me as teenager and do I still look hot blah blah blah. I thought he was being Charming. I am used to getting compliments. Anyway, he writes several emails with this tonality, my replies have always been to the point and not sexualised in any way.Anyway we meet up. He is still Ugly with brown teeth. With a phucked up accent. If it was a Lagos accent it would have been fine.
    He was happily telling me about his $1,500 salary but I have a watch that is $1,500. I just smiled.

    1st thing he said was wow, you are abit on the fat side(I am UK14 but wat ever) then proceeded to tell me that one time he came over and my Dad was making him feel uncomfortable and then he proceeded to make fun of my Dad…puting on a fake Igbo accent and say stuff like, ‘better not even think about dating my daughter’, even thu my Dad never said that..but again check the arrogance. My Dad has zero Nigerian Accent, he lost it while living in USA for 20 yrs btw …so u can image the arrogance of this guy. Then he is 40mins late. So, right of the bat I tell this old highschool friend that he is paying for dinner. I didnt even care to pretend, I was so offended but still acting with in the appropriate manner.I should have ordered the most expensive wine on the menu. He was just talking about himself and all the women he had slept with and proceeded to say that he was large. At this point, I laughed in his face and showed him my MASSIVE diamond ring and said I was engaged. That did not slow him down… he said sleeping around was what he had to do when he worked for the goverment and seal the deal with the female gate keepers.

    Well, clearly he was lying or shagging old grannies whatever. He then proceeded to tell me he has 2 girlfriends. So, I laughed and asked him what he told these women as he is not out with them on a Friday nite. He seems to think he got them trained/whipped. I just kept on laughing how this Sherk could possibly seduce a handicapp lady. He has zero personality. He is not my type but he really thinks that he could get me.

    I decided to have a great time, ignore his stupidity…spend his salary…he kept talking ISH then when it came to going home he confidently said. Let me get some money for the cash point and we can go to your place. I said, well I am engaged and my partner is not expecting u, thank you for a great nite.

    If I was Miss Desperate, I would have slept with this looser hoping that he would let me be his serious girlfriend and marry me. He has zero personality, probabily slept with 100s of women and a walking STD carrier and he plays mind games too. The diamond ring I wear is mine and its costs $2,000. My Baume and Mercier watch is a present from an ex. I live in a penthouse b/c I get a high salary. Now, I did not boast to this freak as I was told I chase men away. So, I just told him a little bit about myself and he did not get it. I am an Alpha Female and he was z-list. Oh, he was such a bad dancer and I have danced with white dude…and this Yoruba guy was horrendous.

    Ladies value yourself. Don’t sleep with anybody that buys u dinner or asks. Even if I was desperate I would have had to deep him in bleach just to kill or the STDs he had picked up.

  62. Eve

    October 20, 2009 at 1:22 am

    I am single, in my 30s and my parents and friend are telling me get married but I tell you one time. Most are not happy. Most of your Aunties are crying in their seperate bed rooms b/c their husbands and shagging someone else. My Father adore’s my Mum so thats the only couple I know that are still OK. Our family and friends are all faking their marriage. I went to Uni dated a few ppl but it did not work out. Then I started working and dated a few ppl but again it did not work out. The last guy was a long distance relationship, I was prepared to even change religion for this guy until I found out on Facebook pictures that he was dating and proposed to someone else. Since then I have not dated anyone. However, these real loser types are so bold to chat u up on the bus or on the street they cant even buy the shoe you wear. I have NO CLUE where are the nice guys but, if u find one, hold on tight.

    One thing, I have to say do not be desperate and marry whomever.

    Some men out there are DOGS.

    Find love do not search for marriage.

  63. nk

    October 20, 2009 at 11:53 am

    Marriage is not something pple should rush into. It is a “holy matrimony”. I don’t get couples that get divorced or seperated from their spouses. Pay close attention to the vows you make in church. There are reasons for them – “for better for worse, in sickness and in health….

    Yes, we are all humans but nobody has the right to leave their spouse for whatever reason(that’s the whole point of the vows). Ladies, before u commit urself permanently to a guy, please think it through irrespective of whether most of your friends are married or not; or whether you are under pressure from relatives.

    To the married(especially wives), ur husbands may not be perfect, may not make the best decisions BUT they are the head(THE GOD YOU SEE ON EARTH) and that is why God gave you to them to be HELP MATES. If you don’t please your husbands, there’s no way you can please God.

  64. diana

    October 22, 2009 at 9:47 pm

    What i can not understand is why people think its wrong for me to say i dont want to marry. im a young solicitor, only 24, i have a good job, nice house and i dont want to get married, i never have. Im stunning and guys flock around me. i come home whenever i like, i cook if it pleases me, club when i feel like it and i am so happy. i am currently researching on ivf treatment abroad and please don’t dare tell me a kid without a father is bad. i was raised by my mother and i turned out just fine and so did my sisters who are doctors and happily married and brother who is an engineer. i have also seen orphans turn out to be great. not every one is destined for the marriage path and i look forward to having my kids and teaching them what is right and wrong based on my standards. i encourage people to get married but personally i am happy without a man and licking a mans stinking ass just to get out of the singles club is the worst form of low self esteem. if you dont love yourself enough to want to be treated better then i guess you dont deserve to be treated better. you only get what you give and most times you get more. if you give yourself out to be a jerk, then expect to be treated like a moron.

  65. Tosin

    October 23, 2009 at 6:14 am

    I love this article and I’m digging the comments, wow, what a diversity of personally held beliefs about domestic life, and that is as should be.
    I may marry someday, but it’s so unimportant, because even after I marry I doubt I will aim for monogamy – forever is a long time and I think whoever I marry will probably love other people and occasionally shag them too. Same for me: I mean, life changes. So before I marry someone, it will be that I see a bond so tight that even if the person roams for a while or if I fall in love with someone else, we’ll still really want to stay together forever and will have fun doing it.
    Also, I came back to Nigeria and several months later started getting caught up in marriage hysteria, like started thinking of timelines when I meet a nice guy. One day it dawned on me that this is very dangerous, because that’s how women get stuck in subpar relationships, when they’re so desperate. So I renamed marriage/man/family/whatever my vision2020, so that I would lose all the pressure, knowing that I don’t HAVE TO get there, and I sure don’t have to rush there.
    Love you all, people.

    P.S. If I could speak for men (not all) I would say to our women that instead of being miserable and tied down and trying to tie happy-go-lucky boys down too, try a little happiness and a little adventure yourself. Life is short. P.S. I’m not saying be irresponsible and I’m not saying sleep around and please remember “protection” o. AIDS dey.

  66. ladi

    October 23, 2009 at 8:19 pm

    With all these comments, one will assume all married women are miserable. We need to think positively. MOst marriages in Nigeria work out we just focus on crappy men and shitty cultures instead of focusing on the good side of things.

  67. Nneka

    October 23, 2009 at 10:59 pm

    “Z-list”….lmfao! That’s a hit word girl!

  68. commy

    October 23, 2009 at 11:53 pm

    we’re in the same school of thought…….nice one

  69. BellaMay

    October 24, 2009 at 8:20 am

    Well written Glory, I am sharing this with all my single friends who I know are well aware of what not to do already but you never know .. We have had discussions in the past that involved our ability to ” see the problem ” and so not to go there which in itself could be a problem in us getting hitched early. But if the ultimate goal is happiness surely there is no way we can turn away a “good” man ( who loves us, makes us happy and who will support us and our future family) yes yes I know I said “support us” and yes I do as I am not a feminist. My father took care of his family and I do hope and pray that the man I will marry will do the same with me providing the supporting role and not the main. P.S quick one on Tosin’s comments, I agree on living life to the full as it is short .. but you do know it does not all center on sex ?

  70. estrella

    November 4, 2009 at 3:56 pm

    A wise woman once told me that if you dont place value on yourself,no man will place value on you.We live in a socitey where the staus of getting married is placed far above God and purpose itself! what women have to realize is that the issue is not just getting married..its why you are getting married….if youre getting married because your ‘biological clock’ is ticking,or because”other people are getting married’,or because youre afraid of ending up lonely or even because your family is pressurising you to,then get this through your head..YOU AINT READY YET!!! all women have to bring themselves to that point when they are fulfilled being themselves and confident of who they are,then they wont have Z-list men prodding thier achilles heel all the time…value yourselves women!!

  71. Leo

    November 6, 2009 at 3:56 pm

    Nneka, i, love your guts , please go ahead in advising the loose girls that sell themselves so cheaply. Meanwhile , hold you guts , it will pay off at the end.

  72. Patricia Ejim

    November 10, 2009 at 12:28 pm

    go girl! i think by the time we start thinking about the oda ethincities as beings then we are ready for face challenges.

  73. Meme

    December 16, 2009 at 3:16 am

    HEEEEY!!It seems ur me…im confused bcos THE EXACT same thing happened to me lol, turns out that the guy that I was going to change religion for cannot keep a relationship down now…karma hurts and single gals RULE!!

  74. Meme

    December 16, 2009 at 3:37 am

    iM 30 AND 100% OF MY FRIENDS ARE MARRIED….GET A GRIP

  75. Husna

    December 17, 2009 at 8:36 am

    I love this article.. I was just thinking the whole day that Gosh time is passing and Im 28 muslim african woman and not yet married..is a very bad condition, I believe anyone understand how I may feel right now. I see some of these comments are related to “independent african woman” – “never loose hope..better late but with the right guy”. I’d rather say that I’m the type of “I want to get married no matter what”..I just can’t see myself five years from now single, alone, nor a child nor a love affair and my family still looking at me. I believe in marriage, and I believe that all marriages (perfect or not) are not easy..we all come to a point of loving each other and loosing passion for each other after time. But when there’s will and plan..then all is possible.
    If God decides when, it’ll be (inshallah).. I’ll be the happiest woman.. I hope I’ll get married!!

  76. Cady Okon

    December 22, 2009 at 2:50 pm

    Kudos 2 u 4 writing dat article, wish ALL females could c it n stay cool insted of belittling demselves and riddin demselves of all dignity and self-esteem. Tanx

  77. Kems

    January 14, 2010 at 6:16 pm

    I’m loving this article. Earlier on today i was getting depressed about not being married…and my very good friend was giving me all the reasons to keep my head high. This really made me feel good!

  78. Leo

    January 15, 2010 at 4:06 pm

    Young lady , i dont know ur religious leaning but it should be noted that one major reason for marriage is to preserve moral purity ,raise godly children who in all their endeavours , live with eternity in view. Everything does not end here.You can not be single ,get along happily and still fulfil this god ordained purpose of marriage. In ur freestyle u may ignore this as well, But i assure you that the endpoint will be a very sad one on the day of reckoning

  79. Divalicious T-Baby

    August 8, 2010 at 1:31 pm

    @alice i cldnt stop laughing.LOL. Am a liberal feminist.Marriage is not a do or die affair.Most important thing invest in urself.As for me my priority goes this way GOD- CAREER-RELATIONSHIP.Shikena!

  80. Ziariz

    December 16, 2010 at 11:06 am

    lol at Ellen woods..i understand your anger about the whole “making a fuss” about marriage. Everyone is entitled to their opinions i guess. I am married but i remember when i was single it seemed marriage was the do or die affair also.I married my best friend and a deliciously gorgoeus one at that but many times i regret the days i spent while single moaning about being lonely that i was still single. I would have spent more days just enjoying my singleness. Both positions [single or married] have their perks..my own advice is just enjoy watever stage you are in. Life is about phases and stages..and to top it all up..not everyone will get married..period..even the bible said it that a time will come where 6 or is it 7 women will share a man and some women will say”let me just bear your name”….

  81. k

    February 1, 2011 at 3:57 pm

    lovely.what a truthful piece!

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