Increasingly, the average Nigerian holds about 5 different professional careers, are directors at a gazillion companies, carry a briefcase littered with multiple business cards – it is safe to say, we are arguably the most skilled people in the world.
Have you noticed when you ask people about an issue that they might have a better understanding of; if it involves money they often respond with “I can do that for you” or my personal favourite “Let me send you an invoice”. In modern Lagos, a pharmacist can supply you building materials.
In offices, employees disappear or take 4-hour lunch breaks or “meetings”. My dear IT guy might just disappear for half a day and his phone would be conveniently unavailable, and when it is available, he picks up and puts on this “low voice” almost like he has his ass in some library when he is clearly in another office troubleshooting or whatever it is that they say they do.
My grandma’s chauffeur takes 8-hours to do an Ijebu-Ode to Sagamu errand – for those who don’t know – the trip cannot possibly take longer than 30 minutes so we all know there were a few drops in that trip. And it doesn’t stop there, in every bank there’s always the girl who does “corporate gifts” or advertising agency with “the part-time graphics designer”.
On the eve of my cousin’s engagement, a former colleague has registered, incorporated, got tax clearance for a faux security company just because I casually asked him, “where can I find bouncers?”
He went the 9-yards: created a company logo, company email address even a one-page company profile and invoice, only to give his wife’s mobile number as contact and when I called to ask for a hard copy invoice, a woman picks up responding “….ta lon soro jo, e ma pe number yi mo” – English translation – who is speaking? Please don’t call this number again.
After closer inspection at the invoice, the Manager’s name is made up of his two siblings’ first names.
The truth, it’s all very amusing, I would have probably preferred a simple upfront request “Let me do this for you”
This week’s Friday Track is Young Dro and the massive US-hit ‘I don’t know y’all’. This is a monster tune. Click to Listen
Until the next episode!