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To Spank or Not To Spank – Is This Love? The Discipline Debate on Moments With Mo This Week

Children are adorable, aren’t they? But when these precious little angels go from cute and cuddly to mischievous and naughty, what do you do to instill discipline?

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Mo speaks with Charly boy on his upbringing & his views on raising kids

Children are adorable, aren’t they? But when these precious little angels go from cute and cuddly to mischievous and naughty, what do you do to instill discipline? And how far is too far? In this episode, Mo tackles one of the most sensitive issues in the world – disciplining children.

Mo & Radio Presenter -YAW- discuss his upbringing and how it shaped him

Listen as celebrities talk about  the way they raised, and share their fascinating views on raising kids. Then, we critically examine corporal punishment and attempt to answer the ultimate questions: Should children be raised with more love or more discipline? Should kids learn the hard way or the easy way? Does this make or mar them? How do we find a balance in raising our children?

If you are a parent, an aspiring parent, or you’ve ever had to baby-sit a child, this is one episode you can’t afford to miss!

This episode will air on Tuesday 7th of September 2010 on MNet West Africa by 9.30pm with repeat broadcasts on the same channel on Wednesdays by 2pm and Saturdays by 2.30pm.
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30 Comments

  1. fokasibe

    September 6, 2010 at 1:26 pm

    Spank!!! I am of the spare the rod and spoil the child generation. and spanking for me always gets my kids back on course….when done appropriately it serves as a deterrent to misbehaviour….so spank away!

  2. CC

    September 6, 2010 at 1:49 pm

    Spanking is alright, nothing like a sore bottom to make a child reconsider their bad behavior, but some Nigerian parents do more than spank, they brutalize and terrorize their children in the name of spare the rod & spoil the child.

  3. Chris-Vincent

    September 6, 2010 at 2:27 pm

    Kicking or spanking a child is a primitive way of teaching a child or any human being with little reasoning ability any sense. The most effective way of alerting a child of his or her behaviour is through effective and understandable communication, not spanking…

    Spanking says nothing to the child, you spank the child and follow it up with a talk right? So what is the purpose of the spank? it is just to punish… Any act which solely aims at punishing without any element of rebuilding or correction does not work with children…

    Spanking is less effective and should not be widely accepted as the proper way of picking children out of their bad behaviour…

    http://www.screwlife.com/

    • niyoo

      September 6, 2010 at 7:27 pm

      what kind of nonsense r u spewing ,,,, primitive, effective and understanding communication, rebuilding and correction …. pstcheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwww!! You are just yarning dist, train ur child this way, and trust me … you’ll eat dust!!

      Children should be spanked. as they grow older, graduate to belt or pankere [i draw the line at koboko ‘cat-o-nine tails’ and shoe heels … dats nasty!]

    • onthesubject

      September 7, 2010 at 1:31 pm

      you r proof that spanking doesnt work…why must you brand his opinion as nonsense? who died and made you Einstein?

      A parent that resorts to spanking a child to correct them, needs psychiatric help…a child is not a goat, ram, cow, etc and must be treated in a dignified, humane way…

      Children are more intelligent than we think and if you would not slap or flog one of your contemporaries when they step-out-of-line, why wud u do that to a child? Is it becos the child cannot fight back?

      I am totally against corporal punishment. My parents NEVER laid a finger on me or my 6 siblings…when we stepped out-of-line, we were punished in other ways and given a good talking to n trust me, if my dad sat u down to tell u a thing or two when uv done something wrong, u wud look for the highest cliff to jump off…caning wud hav been much more welcome than that talk

      Violence shud NEVER be condoned, let alone towards a child whom one shud be protecting!

      It is ppl like you that have caused n continue to cause wars in this world we live in cos u dont believe in dialogue or other methods of correction that do not have to do with inflicted physical pain on another….very disappointing!

  4. u dont lose what you never had

    September 6, 2010 at 4:52 pm

    @chris-vincent
    Ah, children ‘prefer’ being spanked o cos thats how they will learn not to repeat their wrong.

  5. Beediva

    September 6, 2010 at 6:14 pm

    My mum spanked me while growing up…gave the evil eye that made me retrace my steps..i wondered if she was my mum then…..but now, i know better and i love her so much for it…the degeneration of the western world is evidence of spare the rod spoil the child..we dont wanna get there..

  6. candey

    September 6, 2010 at 9:37 pm

    AFRICANS! Spank your kids before the turn like “Tolotolo”!. I’m just coming back from running errands and one thing I just witnessed is a kid saying shit to his parents in the middle of the parking lot!Abeg spank them before they turn like “Tolotolo”. My two cents.

    • lee

      September 6, 2010 at 10:38 pm

      My dear i agree with you about this tolotolo thing! I live in the US and i see this tolotolo dem everyday. I totally agree with spanking and also telling the child the reason why they were spanked (communication abi?). My cousin’s son was turning to a jaguda here infact he had the audacity to call olopa for his father just because his father slapped him for his traunt behavior and trust oyinbo olopa they cautioned the father and threathened to arrest him next time. my cousin quickly shipped the bagger to a nigerian boarding school were discipline was the order of the day and trust niger style, after three years he came back here so reformed i myself could not believe it. please lets stop adopting oyinbo culture, after all this was the way we were all raised (maybe not oga chris).

    • Sophlames

      September 10, 2010 at 12:04 am

      My sister chris said communicate well when u tell them why they were spanked, they will understant backed up by the flogging in moderation. My question to people like chris “what do u do when u have talked and talk and talked and the child refuses to hear or listen…….what then keep talking and hope they change…..

      The danger becomes…..the child grows up with zero fear of u and u know what really hard as a parent, spanking a 13 yr old u never spanked at 3. My parent stop spanking and caning me at about 13 u know why they could cos the flogging had arranged my brain to think right so now when they gave advice i learnt to think and take it on no matter how irritating it felt especially when they were right. U know what i have masters at 21 from a top world uni……..i think it paid off.

  7. sweetie

    September 6, 2010 at 11:02 pm

    “Any act which solely aims at punishing without any element of rebuilding or correction does not work with children” i quote from chris-vincent- are u serious???!!. Excuse me but spanking DOES have elements of rebuilding or correction. Spanking is a form of positive punishment and it aims at reducing unwanted behavior period! Whether u give talk or not, the unwanted bejavior is reduced or becomes obsolete and the child learns ”very quickly” not to repeat it. Plese we need to stop kidding ourselves here, have u seen the way the western kids talk to their parents? once u observe thta rubbish first hand , believe me, u wouldnt want anyone , talk less of ur kids to talk 2 u lik dat… Abeg spank away ( but with moderation sha like niyoo said)

  8. bookie

    September 6, 2010 at 11:11 pm

    i witnessed a secnario of a 4 yr old girl that was running around a shop in london, the mother was heavily pregnant and she couldn’t run after the energetic child,the mon kept shouting telling her girl to behave, when she realised that the shouts and pleas where entering one ear and coming out from the other, its adding salt to the injury she got hold of the girl and gave her (shiko)a kind of hard knock on the head and that resolved the whole issue, spank i beg.

  9. Ginika

    September 7, 2010 at 6:46 am

    Easy, peezy. Lets compare a typical western child with a typical Nigerian child (with a proper upbringing and I mean spanking when wrong). In my opinion, they are alot more messed up all in the name of freedom and with no respect in terms of how they speak to an adult. An adult to them is just another old hag, like what the…?

    Anyways, lets seperate wickedness and creulty from discipline. We had a system of I warned you once, I warned you twice and I warned you three times now your going to get spanked and also you get spanked straight away for lying no matter how small or big. You would not get spanked if told the truth and also explained why you did what you did, however if you repeat the same thing two more times you are sooo getting your ass whooped!

  10. Chris-Vincent

    September 7, 2010 at 7:28 am

    @Bookie, I am a bit amazed at your deduction with which you try to forcibly insert an element of correction and rebuilding into the act of spanking… When you spank a child, all you so is hurt his or her butt and maybe your hands too.. (Where is the element of correction or rebuilding, or a task to give him any reflection?)

    What is mostly done is after spanking the child-which is solely an act of PUNISHMENT, we proceed to communicate or talk to the child, trying to pin into his oer her minds what he did wrong among other things…(Seeking to correct or rebuild ..What most then the reason for the Spank? And I bet you, the reasoning ability of children are not that shallow, after a hard spank, whatever you say goes out of his head, if even listened to and put into use, it is done out of fear and not respect… He or she would be doing what you want to avoid another punishment without his subcons knowing why he is even doing that…

    @Ginika, Dont you think it is shallow to absolutely envisage that a child who’s behaviour or output changed after spending some time in Africa or the African children are well mannered solely because of the act of punishment of which spanking is your major?

    Most African children as well as children taking to Africa as you cited get off with good behaviour not because of punishments… Their conformity to rules and adoption of expected behaviour is due to inter alia, effective communication down there, proper social interaction out there, self realization….

    None of you can say you have not seen a child born n raised in Africa with countless spanking from mother to great grandmother becoming tolotolo….Same way you must have seen a child born and breed on western soil with no spanking doing well when it comes to behaviour…. Communication, Social interaction, Rebuilding, Self Realization, etc are the key….Spanking is not close to any of these ( I term that an easy way out)…Keep spanking and if the fear does not set in, the rebellious side of the subcons will jump in….
    http://www.screwlife.com/

  11. WaleAdeniji

    September 7, 2010 at 10:14 am

    I beg, let’s stop deceiving ourselves jare. We tend to embrace everything western irrespective of their disadvantages. Their ways of life and circumstances are far different from our’s. While on earth would an African parent spare the rod when the child misbehaves? We were brought up with spanking and God bless our parents for not sparing the rod. We are better persons today because of those disciplines instilled in us. I witness a situation whereby a man brought his son of about 12 years of age to Nigeria on vacation. You need to see the behaviour of this kid to the father. PHCN were at their worst and the kids went heywire asking the father why on earth did he bring him to this goddamn country-Nigeria? The father cautioned him to stop referring to his country that way, but he persisted to the point that the father was left with no choice but to give him a dirty slap. The poorly brought up son damaged everything in the house you can think of. The TV, the home theater etc and was even threatening the father that he will definitely deal with him when they get back to the US. The poor man was ashamed of himself because it happens in the presence of those who came to say hi to him. Is that the kind of life we want for our kids? I definitely don’t want that for mine. I will combine spanking and talking to them until i get the best out of them. You can spare the rod in your own case if you so choose to.

  12. nomad

    September 7, 2010 at 10:30 am

    as a child that was never habitually spanked, one of the few resentments I still hold towards my mother is her slapping me in public once. For me that did nothing to correct any wayward behavior but deeply hurt me to the core once the pain from the initial slap wore off. Now I’m older, and my mother is mellower and we are closer but I don’t confide in her.

    Spanking didn’t do shit for me. just made me more careful not to get ‘caught’. Didn’t do shit for my brother who got regular spankings from my dad. If I have children I don’t think I’d ever raise a hand to them, also because I don’t believe violence does anything productive but leave festering resentment. Most of my oyibo friends were not spanked and would never dream of insulting their parents (i would never be friends with people who do that anyways) and I also have spoiled nigerian ajebutter friends who would never do that either. Character is not beaten in but built-in

  13. fokasibe

    September 7, 2010 at 11:01 am

    I don’k know about all the grammer you guys are speaking here o! I have stated and will state again…”GOD BLESS MY PARENTS FOR SPANNKING ME INTO SHAPE”
    It’s not about beating the child black and blue in the name of spanking. I have a very fiesty 5 yo son and I bless God for him but ah!!! He can be so mischievous!!! There are certain things he can get away with at home that he will not get away with in public, like say, screaming at will. He just does it when he feels the need to and as soon as he starts, his sister joins in the ‘fun’ and you can imagine kids doing that in public, say at a wedding. I had to spank them about that and they know better than to try it next time, especially in public.
    I’m sorry if you feel ill towards your mum for slapping you in public nomad, but I’m pretty certain you deserved it. I cannot remember smackin any of my kids in public (and I don’t mean at their cousins or grannies) but I will if the need arises. Luckily, my hubby just gives them the evil eye and they behave when we are in public.
    I see no wrong in using spanking as a means of correcting your kids when not done too frequently. So for people who think its not good practise, I say, to each his own….afterall its your child…raise him/her anyway you deem fit.

  14. Concerned Individual

    September 7, 2010 at 12:15 pm

    I so love this topic. I thinks its very important that we discipline our children. I am a christian and even teh Bible says ‘spare the rod and spoil the child. it also says your child will not die from spanking etc. Infact there are a whole lot of verses that refer to disciplining children. @Chris- Vincent, i hope it will not be too late for you and your children before you realise that it is important to spank children. I personally believe that especially when children ar estill young its best to spank them, if you do all teh spankign when they are young by the time they are about 10 years old an dabove there wouldnt be any need to spank them because you will have already instilled discipline in them. But what you find out is that most parents dont spank thei rkids when they are young and when they get to age 10 or pre teen years and start behaving, they now think its teh best time to spank them but unfortunately its too late byu then. Children respond to spanking belive me, i have kids and i know what uim talkign about. The issue really is that its imporatant not to spank a child out of anger or when you are angry beacuse you can hurt the child as a result. What works for me and what i think most people shuld adopt is, when your child misbehaves if you are angry calm down. When you are in teh right frame of mind, spank teh child. when i spank my daughter, I tell her that mummy is spankign you because I lov you. I then ask her to tell me why i spanked her. Then i reaffirm my reason for spankign her and when i see that she is sober i give her a hug. Sometimes I sedn her to the thinking corner to think as well. If she does somethign worng and she lies that she didnt do it, i spank her and tell her that im spanking her beacuse she is lying and not even beacuse of the wrong she did because I think lyign is very dangerous and the root of all sins. Please spank on but in moderation. I believe and pray that by teh time my kids are 10 or ar ein thier teens i woudl have done all teh spankign necessary and will talk to them more because at that age they will be more reasonable, that is not to say that if they misbehave i wont hesistate to give them a slap or two. Ocasionally you still have the African child who turns out bad but i believe it is because the child was not disciplined at home. Most oyinbos turn out bad because teh culture does not allow disciplining. Spank on and make your childs lfe better. My mum used to tell me a story about a child that was sentenced to death fro armed robbery and on teh day of the execution atteh execution stand, his last request was to speak to his mum. when his mum came ner him he bit her ear off, tellign her that she was the cause of his problems that if she had disciplined him he woulndt be were he was.

    • fokasibe

      September 7, 2010 at 1:24 pm

      I KNOW THE STORY ABOUT THE CHILD WHO BIT HIS MUM’S EAR OFF!!! I agree with you, after spanking, you must give them time to reflect over what you did and why you did that. Then you must talk to them explaining in detail why you did what you had to. It must end with hugs so your kids know what you did was in their best interest. May God do the rest for us and make our kids children we would all be proud of…AMEN!

  15. jen

    September 7, 2010 at 2:11 pm

    Hahaha @ Chris vincent…You are saying absolutely nonsense…. Your argument is just too flawed mate…And i dont have time to type an essay… sowwi..

    BTW am all for spanking.. 🙂

  16. ade PEJU

    September 7, 2010 at 2:30 pm

    The Bible didn’t make a mistake wen It said ‘train a child d way he shuld grow,nd wen he grows,he will not depart from it’,I advice spanking bt wiv moderation cos kids ought 2 know dat 4 every bad behaviour dere r consequences nd also good behaviours shuld be rewarded nd pls let’s get real,we are africans,spanking is our thing nd let’s not allow westernisation rob us of dat.

  17. KOKOlet

    September 7, 2010 at 3:28 pm

    …puleez let the ‘shikoing’, spanking and shi-shi-ing continue jare…in as much as lots of folks abroad dont beat their children these kids grow up claiming to have a ‘verbally abused’ childhood, personality disorders, and wat not…@chrissy vinny..i think u came 2 d wrong place man! sawri
    All who r in support of the motion lets av a AIY!

  18. monysol

    September 7, 2010 at 3:29 pm

    i’m in on the spankin.Even the bible says spare the rod and spoil the child.

  19. Beediva

    September 7, 2010 at 4:19 pm

    Discipline is every body’s thing, the bible is every christians thing…and like we’ve pointed out and i’ll like to itterate..”Spare the rod and spoil the child” as its written in the bible should be every bodys’ thing also.
    All these people that are speaking grammer and talking about communicating with their kids rather than spank them, dont worry, its the day your child will tell you to ‘shut the f*** up” and in public for that matter, thats the day you’d realise the mistakes you’ve made. We are not talking about being cruel to your child and calling it discipline..it about making them realise the wrong in their acts and giving them something to remember when they think of repeating that act. The evil eye works a great deal too…was on a train and a couple of kids came on with their teachers(i assumed) and could not stop making noise..their chattering was so irritating that i even felt like spanking them..i noticed may others were irritated also but nobody could do or say anythign cos of this their freedom of speech/expression BS (it has its advantages too)…the teacher tried to get them to be quiet thru vocal communication but they didnt relent..i thought to myself, if these kids have been spanked before cos of that kind of behaviour and were asked to be quiet at that time..i bet you their noise would have seized….

    all this copy copy of the western world no go get us anywhere o..the good things wey we suppose copy, we no go copy..na the bad things…God help us..

  20. Mercy

    September 7, 2010 at 8:03 pm

    Ok i will start by saying i asked my American (White to be specific) boss if he was ok with spanking kids and his reply and i quote “Oh yea kids at a certain age understand pain because they are to young to be reasoned with.As long as you do it to make them understand where you are coming from and not just because you want to hurt them”
    When kids are little no matter how much you want to reason,talk do whatever with them apart from spanking,it sometimes never works and we all know that. so people saying spanking is barbaric and ish please with all due respect GTFOH! You guys are probably part of the problem for a deteriorating level of morality we have in the world right now. I live in the states,i see these ‘Non-spanked’ kids everyday and you can imagine the way they act!.Now spanking works up to a certain age though,when kids are becoming teens spanking tend not to work anymore because this is a crucial age and i am a testimony that communication works better with teens.Make sure you let them know you are there for them,talk to them,reason with them because this is the age they learn most things about life…..Ok i’m done writing all these words jo.I have enough essays to write for sch. I AM ALL FOR SPANKING and on this note i rest my case.

    P.S @ Chris Vincent I’m not sure you have any kids just yet when you have kids plss come back here to state that your well organized and impressive opinion let’s see if it changes or not cheers! 😀

  21. 4la

    September 9, 2010 at 4:25 pm

    Kids will 4ever be kids.Abeg spank ur kids with love,it has been workin nd it will continue to work.I dont want to write 2 much.Africans AWOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

  22. Bholar

    September 12, 2010 at 4:58 pm

    hmmmmmm,i was spanked by my folks n I BLESS THEM for it.i was heading 4 destruction n dey saved me.i dont av kids yet bt wld definitely spank mine if the need arises.

  23. TJO

    September 14, 2010 at 1:20 pm

    This topic is very good and a bit sensitive. Spanking a child is good but must be done in Love. There are some ages that communication alone may not work because the child has not reach the age of reasoning, like ages 1 – 6 at that age most children are very stuborn and the only language they can understand is spanking because they felt pain, but it is always very good to let them know why they are being beaten. From ages 7 – 12, spank, but reduce the rate at which you correct them by spanking, you can introduce other methods of punishment stood-down, raised hands up, pend down and put your finger in your mouth, wash the plates for a week and lots of them. But ages 13 and above sit them down and speak to them, at that age, they can reason with you. Do not spare the rod at early age and start using the rod on them when they are teenager, this act can make a child rebellious, and can also frustrate you as parent. Please, spanking a child teach them that every bad things done as consequence. Even the Almighty God spank His children (i.e. human being) when they sin. He who the father chatise He loves. Therefore not spanking a child is not Love because the child in future may hate his/her parent for not being corrected rightly at their early age.

    Whenever I spanked my 2 years old boy, he will cried and looked up to me to carry him because he knew that what he did was wrong.

  24. Omada

    September 15, 2010 at 1:20 am

    hmmm… all i can say is, we are not oyinbo people. we mustn’t copy everything from them.
    my parents, mum esp. flogged me when i was growing up and i can tell you it molded me.
    till today, no matter what, i can’t dream of disobeying my parents. that also taught me to respect authority and older people. the bible did not lie when it said ‘raise a child the way he should go & when he grows, he will not depart from it’.

    pls, let’s stop copying the negative aspects of oyinbo society. their children have no manners and no regard for authority, because it wasn’t instilled in them from their homes & we have enough problems already!

  25. Beautifull

    October 11, 2010 at 3:45 pm

    All dis one na serious grammar…Till today,i still don’t like bread.Why?I'”ll tell u.I once followed my mum to the salon,and had to wait for her while she was gettn her hair did.Suddenly,there’s toast from one’aunty’s’bag and everyone’s eating.i looked and thot my mum wasn’t seeing,but alas,as i stretched my hands to take the slice,she turned and shot me those..oh-no-u-didnt-take-food-from-a-stranger-look.At that point,i knew yawa had gassed buh i just figured i might as well eat the darned bread,i knew i was in for some major ass whopping..Needless to say,when we got home…..(i”ma let u do fill in d gaps)and to make matters worse,i developed a terrible cough dat lasted about a week the next day..
    To this day,my first reaction to free food,is NO,THANK you..My point?I’m sure u get the gist.P.S i love my mum!!!

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