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The Right Time

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Walk with me through this piece I’m writing because I don’t have the answers but I want them. I would like to understand how it is- moving back and forth across the thin line of discovery in relationships. When I say ‘relationships’ I mean the wide canopy of the definition of the word: man and wife, parents and their child, boss and subordinate, religious leaders and congregants, political appointees and the electorate.

Trust is an important part of any relationship and most of the time, it is what oils the wheels of these relationships and makes them function smoothly. However, when that trust is broken, there is that urge to justify such actions, especially if the person who broke the trust is interested in mending fences.

A lie is one of the guilty tools in the breach of trust yard. It is sometimes called a slight discoloration of the truth or sometimes known as a withholding of information for the protection of the other party. There’s really no way of putting it nicely; a lie is a lie and a lie, no matter the intentions behind the telling of it hurts and stings like hell.
“There was never a right time to tell you.”

Tell me I am alone in this reaction to these words: fury. By the time someone tells me this, it only further fans the embers of my anger and the knowledge that this is probably the truthful reason behind why a fact was concealed from me. Which only makes it more painfully ironic. However, sometimes I stop to think about the person who has had cause to tell me an untruth or kept something from me. What was the reason behind it? Was it to hurt me? Or was he/she trying to protect me? So I want to get off my pedestal of self righteousness and ask the question- When IS the right time to rip off the band aid? When is the RIGHT time to tell someone you have not been completely truthful to them? And when is the perfect time to ever be told the truth?

I had a boyfriend once who was living in the UK illegally. I had no clue until one afternoon he left his passport lying around and you can imagine my astonishment as I thumbed through the pages and I realized that his UK visa was a visiting visa. After a scream fest he said to me in the calmest voice possible: “There was never a right time to tell you.” I was angry but I couldn’t do anything about it. At what point would he have told me- “Oh by the way, I live in the UK illegally..”

Sometimes we’re quick to pass judgment on people who hide the truth from us but then are you ready to listen to the truth? Will we feel a little better knowing that the government lied to us during the campaigns? When do you feel is the best time for your fiancée to tell you that he didn’t want to tell you his genotype is AC after knowing the horrific experiences you’d had before you and him got together? When is the perfect time to tell that child that he was adopted and although you love him more than life itself he isn’t your biological son?

We all have little secrets tucked away that we are unsure of how people we love would be affected should we suddenly unburden this truth on them. Sometimes you’re not hiding this truth as a result of wickedness but because you just don’t want to have to saddle the person you love with the guilt you are probably carrying around too.

So is there a perfect time to tell your best friend that you slept with his fiancée when you know he has boasted of her being the purest lily in the garden, as virginal as they come? How do you say to your best friend that his British passport didn’t go missing mysteriously but you and some other friends used it to organize ‘ori olori’ for another friend? When is the time ever right? Do you just go on in silence or do you just rip off the band aid and hope for the best? Walk with me, help me understand this because I’m very confused and I don’t want this to cloud my objectivity. Walk with me.

You probably wanna read a fancy bio? But first things first! Atoke published a book titled, +234 - An Awkward Guide to Being Nigerian. It's available on Amazon. ;)  Also available at Roving Heights bookstore. Okay, let's go on to the bio: With a Masters degree in Creative Writing from Swansea University, Atoke hopes to be known as more than just a retired foodie and a FitFam adherent. She can be reached for speechwriting, copywriting, letter writing, script writing, ghost writing  and book reviews by email – [email protected]. She tweets with the handle @atoke_ | Check out her Instagram page @atoke_ and visit her website atoke.com for more information.

46 Comments

  1. chelle

    February 29, 2012 at 9:41 am

    This is serious. I got to a point in my life when I decided not to lie again but I still found myself not telling the whole truth. I always end up being tormented with the guilt, was I protecting them or myself? Although I hate being lied to but lies I have realised hurts me more based on their motives.in trying to walk with you riping off the band or remaining silent depends on the importance of the truth.

  2. bee

    February 29, 2012 at 9:45 am

    i guess there is probably never a right time. and even if we tell ourselves some things are better left untold, the truth is, these things always find a way to come out. its just better to open the can of warms as soon as possible and hope for the best

  3. pynk

    February 29, 2012 at 10:17 am

    there is never a right time. I just try to live the best life i can live without intentionally hurting others.

  4. Nanatunde

    February 29, 2012 at 10:17 am

    Well i see like this;
    If you tell the me truth before i find out, i may be upset but it shows that one, i can trust you and gain courage to reveal my own skeletons and two, respect your honesty. its a big risk yes cos the other person may hate you but its one worth taking. Truths are never easy to swallow (especially for us ladies) but you can never build trust without truth, except you want build a lie not a relationship. Recently i asked a guy i liked about his past and however reluctant, he admitted to have dated a number of girls i know and to still have ties to an old girlfriend. My word, i was sad and disappointed but i appreciated his honesty and i knew what i was dealing with. What he said still rings in my head and i have decided to take it really slow with him until i see change (if there will be one) but if didn’t know what i know now, i would feel like such a fool and be setting myself up for some serious catastrophe (aka heartbreak).
    TAKE THE LEAP! Tell the truth, if they can stand it, it means they wouldn’t be able to even if they found out by themselves.

  5. kerie

    February 29, 2012 at 10:20 am

    For me, lies are the beginning of all evil. When someone lies to me, I feel like it was a deliberate attempt to hurt me. I feel like the person took me for a fool and had absolutely no respect/regard for me.

    Furthermore, lies seem to take on a life of their own. If one is not careful, a ‘little white lie’ multiplies itself. You tell a lie, and then in attempt to cover up that lie, you tell another one, and then it goes on.

    I too decided to stop telling lies a long time ago and I quite often say ‘what’s the person going to do to me, beat me?’. I mean really??

    The best advise I can give (and I try to practice what I preach) is to try not to hurt people, but if you do, be straight up with them as quickly as possible.

    No matter what anyone says, no matter the rationale behind concealing the truth, as time passes, the hurt increases.

    Just my ‘2 Kobos’ 🙂

  6. buky

    February 29, 2012 at 10:22 am

    the truth is that, no matter what you did its better you tell the truth yourself before someone else does, becos one way or the other, it always comes out

  7. Dasilva

    February 29, 2012 at 10:26 am

    Speechless

  8. hermosa

    February 29, 2012 at 10:37 am

    Omg!! i went through almost a similar experience but in this case my ex, who was 29/30 at the time we met, had always told me he didnt want to do NYSC cos he didnt want to work for the govt and i believed him, but appraently he didnt even graduate!! in fact he didnt even go to any university!! when i finally confronted his lying ass he told me that yes, he didnt have a Bachelors degree but he had two… TWO hd!! im like ‘what the eff is ur problem!!” the lies were too much!! i feel so stupid cos id even introduced him to my mum and some other family members…#NeverAgain!!

  9. Damilola

    February 29, 2012 at 10:54 am

    Well i feel the earlier one opens up d beta cos nothing is ever hidden forever, it usually has a way of revealing itself. Dont get me wrong its not a very easy step but to help release ourselves of the guilt its beta we open up fast and start working tins out immediately b4 it gets out of proportion. I was dating my bf and i was seeing sum1 else as well. I decided to open up to him and about my past. It wasnt easy for him and He didnt take it well at first but we were able to talk tins tru and make tins work. I have a clear conscience now and we r making tins work.

  10. Diva

    February 29, 2012 at 11:02 am

    There is never a right time to tell someone you’ve been lying to them, but you need to make time. Create time, simply by finding a moment when you go “there’s something i need to tell you”.
    lying to me is disrespectful and hurtful. it says a lot about what you think of me. This guy conveniently decided not to disclose he had a girlfriend in Nigeria, his reason? – “he was getting to know me and did not want to lose me”. We are still “friends” but his value to me has diminished. I certainly do not trust him anymore.
    If you value your friends and relationships, you must make time to be honest with them. You owe them that because otherwise you are making a fool of them, you will end up losing their respect and probably lose them too. The truth is bitter but still must be told, it will save the pain for both parties later!

  11. B!

    February 29, 2012 at 11:02 am

    Errrm I have a question could someone plesae tell me what ori olori means?

    • pretty

      February 29, 2012 at 2:05 pm

      LOL

  12. syb

    February 29, 2012 at 11:14 am

    there isn’t ever a right time,all you have to do is to make sure that you are transparent in your dealings and always keep an open heart,so when you find out about one lie or the other you are able to forgive the person so when someday the tables turn you are also forgiven.then again this is LIFE

  13. faith

    February 29, 2012 at 11:22 am

    I don’t mind how long it takes U̶̲̥̅̊ to tell d truth as long as U̶̲̥̅̊ don’t lie me…I always feel like a fool if I finally realise some1 lied τ̅☺ me. wen am in a situation where I av τ̅☺ lie,I don’t say anything.

  14. Personal Shopper

    February 29, 2012 at 11:48 am

  15. eazzie

    February 29, 2012 at 12:28 pm

    lying is dangerous especially to someone who means well… you may feel like you have the worst sins but it would turn really sour when you lead someone on and then along the way, they get to find out all you have hidden… when i met my bf, we agreed to talk about anything and everything… as in the good bad and ugly. i told him everything but denied sleeping with a guy i had seen briefly in the past cos i felt it was too shameful considering the circumstances at the time. as time went on, my bf was such a kind heart, gentleman to the core that i could see right through him at his good intentions. i died with guilt everytime he did something nice for me or confided in me in areas i never thought a man would and all this while, we were still friends. when i saw how serious he had become about me, i opened up to him and told him the truth cos i was not ready to be caught unawares sometime in the future either by ‘tatafo’ people or just life ‘generally catching up with you’. he was distraught cos we had grown to trust each other. we did not speak for a couple days and in the end, he pulled me close and we talked things over and we been going on strong more than ever. its always better to keep a clean slate especially if the person is totally worth it and to be worthy to make your case with God all the time . if someone really wants you, they will want all of you… the good the bad and the ugly

  16. ann_shinx!

    February 29, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    i had an xperience, i cheated on my ex bf while i was serving, he warned me about d guy but i neva listened cuz i tot nofin could happen. My bf didnt know about it n wen i finished service n our relatnship was soo blissful, i told him about d whole shit, thinhgs changed afta dat n we r no more 2geda. Sometimes i just wish i neva told him buh gues i’m just honest to a fault. Now i hav no bf n really lonely

  17. dewunmi

    February 29, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    Mine is worse,I slept with my best friend’s brother a couple of times and it almost got serious but I had to stop it and now I dont know how to tell her or when is the right time to let her know. That would end the friendship totally!!!!

  18. Temiloluwa

    February 29, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    Hmm. I have been in a similar situation in the past and all I can say is this: wisdom is the principal thing. Honesty IS always going to be the best policy but there is time for everything. Let wisdom dictate. There is no one size fits all approach, each situation has to be treated on its own merits. May God through His Holy Spirit lead us and order our steps.

    Going forward, may God help us do things we are proud of so lies have less appeal and also, may God place understanding people around us who would not feel the need to crucify us for our past misdeeds. These are the kind of people TD Jakes terms ‘confidantes’ in his message “3 Types of People”.

    Being honest about our past helps weed out those who won’t be there for the long haul so for instance, Ann_Shinx, please don’t feel telling the truth was a bad thing because you are now without a boyfriend. He would have left you anyway, the truth just made the process faster.

    Nice piece.

  19. missoyi

    February 29, 2012 at 1:53 pm

    Nice topic! Lies have become so common ,people consider that ‘what you do not know cannot hurt you’; however when they discover the truth eventually (what comes around goes around!) it discredits you for a while. My advice: no matter how hurtful and the consequences of telling the plain truth can be, it will cause less damage than hiding it and taking the risk of being caught. Just saying….

  20. Stellamaris

    February 29, 2012 at 2:08 pm

    The truth can be delayed bt can never be hidden 4eva,it’s nt easy lettin out d painful truth bt wat really shows ur interest and appreciation towards ur frnd is bein as transparent as possible,sometyms situations,seasons,moods and also maturity play important roles in this bt the ultimate tin is:whoever u hold in high esteem is expected 2 knw evry truth whether bitter or swt

  21. onyx

    February 29, 2012 at 2:42 pm

    Okay, since we’re all into telling the truth, lemme ask you ladies this – will you or did you (if you’re already hitched) honestly lay it out there and truthfully tell your boyfriend or fiancee how many men you’ve slept with?

    No judgement, I’m just curious.

  22. AMY

    February 29, 2012 at 3:01 pm

    The writer has said it all.a lie is a lie is a lie.there are no colourations to it,no grey areas.its either whit or black and ‎​I so hate it when people lie and then give you the excuse that they were trying to protect you.‎​I mean,WTGF???my ex and ‎​I dated for 2years.January last year,we agreed that we would do our introduction in December and the wedding proper in Easter.you need to see me na,‎​I couldn’t wait for December to come.‎​I told all my friends and family,went shopping for clothes and shoes(with the money he gave me oo).Two weeks to the D-day,‎​I went to his place so we could go through some of the stuffs.‎​I got there and he wasn’t home.the place was in a mess so ‎​I decided to put it in order.while doing that,‎​I saw this diary ‎​I never knew he had.curiosity got the better of me so ‎​I decided to read it,that was when ‎​I saw it.it was an entry he had made a week earlier.he wrote “‎​I love her but ‎​I don’t think ‎​I can do this.we do not mix well.we are like oil and water.God knows ‎​I truly love her”..‎​I was confused.since my name was not there,‎​I was tempted to believ that ‎​I wasn’t the one being referrf to but then,that would only mean he was cheating so ‎​I had to know.when he came back,‎​I confronted him and he said that ‎​I was the one he was referring to and he does not think we are compatible enough to get married,bla bla bla..‎​I couldn’t believe my ears.so why dint you tell me all this while?why do you keep giving me money to go shopping for the introduction when you knew you had no intention of getn introduced.he gave me the dumbest reason ever,that he din’t want to break my heart.,as if finding out my boyfriend does not want to marry me from his diary is not heartbreaking.was he waiting for the day of introduction so that he would embarass me in the presence of my friends and family..to cut long story short,‎​I ended the whole relationship there and the and the rest is history..always tell that person what they need to know.its always better for the person to know what they are up against as soon as possible.dnt prolong it.

  23. IVORY

    February 29, 2012 at 4:37 pm

    @Damilola: you sure are heading for the rocks!!! Why on earth would you tell a man who isn’t married to you and who has lots of others he can easily replace you with , your past? You don’t go about telling men about your past; it will only hurt them and they’ll feel disappointed in you. You should learn to mind your business in relationships. Even if he gives you a loaddown about himself and his escapades,that doesn’t indicate you spill your own beans!!!! Mind your business. Even if you think you should let him on into your affairs,it shouldn’t be while you are still dating. Save them all….there’s no point!!!

  24. Miracle

    February 29, 2012 at 7:12 pm

    My story is far horrible. Some years ago, i was so innocent and i met this wonderful young man who happens to be my first bf(who didnt have sex because he wanted to wait till our wedding night). Things went fine till i got admission into a University. I went from the innocent babe to something i am so ashamed of. I broke up with my first bf. After that, i lost my to virginity to an idiot i thought loved me and the relationship went down the drain. Due to my background (too strict, fearful and disciplined parent) and my extremely low self esteem, i went into series of relationships which involved sex, partied like there was no tomorrow, mixed with bad friends and even dated older men i could confide in just to build my confidence and find the happiness and closeness i couldnt get from my parent. 10yrs later, my first boyfriend came back to Nigeria hoping to meet his little angel but to his disappointment, he met a defiled woman and he asked about my past. I told him some of the horrible details of my life(some not all) and my bf went gaga. He abused me, called me all sort of dirty names etc but he stayed in the relationship. I now became scared of telling him the entire truth. Due to the fact that am a horrible liar and bad in communication and expressing myself, my bf asked the same stories yrs later and i told him a painted the story out of fear which made him conclude that i am a bad person. He even went ahead to call my mum and he told her all the bad atrocities i committed in my past (my secrets that i told him-abortion, slept with married man, rape and all the bad things you can think of ) which really broke my mum’s hrt.
    Now, he said he is not interested in any of the stories anymore but he still hoping that i open up and tell him the entire truth about my past. I am still in the relationship and we are planning our introduction. I am a good lady now but how can i fully open up to a man who bring my past up, make reference and say all sorts of bad words to me anytime i make mistakes? How can i tell the entire truth to someone who told my mum all the bad things i did in school?
    I gave him my yahoo and fb passwords for him to trust me but each day, he ask question like who is that guy u added on fb? How is he to u? Why did u add him? He called u baby on fb etc. I once asked him why he still stayed despite all and he replied that i have some good sides as well. He said i would never get the best out of him except i come clean about my past.
    I am so depressed about this and i put all my hope in God. I wish to tell him the entire truth but how can i?

    • theother

      February 29, 2012 at 9:10 pm

      First things first, IT IS NEVER UR FAULT IF YOU ARE RAPED

      Biko both of u shud jus say no! u’v done what u’v done and there’s nothing neither of u can do about it

      The only thing u can control is how the both of you behave going forward and from his actions he cannot move past it. You on the other hand are wallowing in self pity and will forever compensate for said “attrocities”

    • Temiloluwa

      March 1, 2012 at 8:12 am

      Think dear. Think hard. Think about, (a) your decision to get married to this guy, (b) your decision to keep the WHOLE truth from him, (c) your reason for being fearful of being totally open.

      We all wish we had done one thing or the other in life so I dare not judge you. I can understand why he feels the need to want to know but why he feels the need to keep referring to it is beyond me.

      I honestly think before you marry a man, you should come out clean and lay it all on the table. You ask, ‘how can I?’. It’s not simple but it is doable. Have a one to one/ face to face meeting with him but please pray aforehand that God give you utterance and that God prepare his heart and also that God lets the truth be unveiled (the truth of whether he is actually the one for you). Let him make an informed decision. It will be good for you too knowing that he loves you and wants you, warts and all, past misdeeds and all.

      Please do not think getting married is the ultimate goal, the ultimate, rather, is staying happy, staying married and helping each other fulfil destiny. You don’t want to be in a marriage where you get scared every time you run into someone from your past that you didn’t mention to your husband. Come clean and have enough confidence in God and in yourself that if this guy is your God ordained husband, he will go nowhere. He might be a bit hurt (even we girls feel a bit hurt when we hear of some past escapades of our partners and we kinda know men are rank higher on the jealousy scale) but he will get over it and you won’t be living a lie.

      I know in an earlier comment I mentioned the wisdom in knowing when to open up but I don’t think that time should come before the decision to marry.

      Please don’t feel condemned for there is therefore now no condemnation for those in Christ and whom the Son has set free is free indeed (I gather you have turned away from your past). No one can make you feel low if you do not accede and remember also, if it’s not this guy, then it’s someone else, someone better.

      All the best!

    • PD

      March 1, 2012 at 11:10 am

      you berra give yoursef brain….n leave such a relationship….he will never see beyond the betrayal!!!! God be with you.

  25. Miracle

    February 29, 2012 at 9:26 pm

    We are having our introduction/Engagement party on the 10th of March in East. Am so scared.

    • YouTee

      February 29, 2012 at 10:04 pm

      Miracle, you will definitely keep having problems until you trust him enough to bare it all. The reality is except you want to get divorced with no remorse from him, you should bare it all because lies/secrets always come back to hunt most unexpectedly. When you also bare it all, you may still have problems but he will outgrow the fears as long as he is a good Christian and he truly loves you. Keep praying!

  26. Cutie Toxie

    February 29, 2012 at 10:04 pm

    Miracle… hold your two ears, remove your slippers and do what??? RUN!!!!

    Shikena!

  27. Shamz

    February 29, 2012 at 10:24 pm

    miss miracle tell him all before ur intro like right now and God will bless your relationship, ask him if he has any as well after. u are making a great mistake not telling him all secrets.

  28. YouTee

    February 29, 2012 at 10:28 pm

    Thank God for your life Miracle! you will definitely keep having problems until you trust him enough to bare it all. The reality is except you want to get divorced with no remorse from him, you should bare it all because lies or secrets always come back to hunt most unexpectedly. when you also bare it all you may still have problems but he will outgrow the fears as long as he is a good christian and he truly loves you. Keep praying!

  29. itsekiri's finest

    March 1, 2012 at 4:32 am

    @miracle

    Wow I do not know you obviously, but from what you said, pause all plans towards marriage!! I did not say end everything if you still love him and you believe he loves you and you two can work towards something. But your introduction is in a few days and you are on Bella Naija proclaiming fear….girl this is already all kinds of scary! Speak to an adult in your family, your mum or an aunt… Marriage is difficult enough as is, you do not want to start with fear, regret and a weak foundation. Please if there is anything to take from what I have said, do not go through with your introduction…just yet! Because once you enter marriage, my sister na there you suppose say. I am a Christian and I believe in taking the marriage vows seriously. So do not enter marriage that you do not fully believe in your hearts of hearts. I don’t think God wants that for you.
    Slow down – there is no rush into marriage. Sort out all the current problems first, because trust and believe more will come during the course of your marriage.
    All the best and I will remember you in my prayers.

  30. spicee

    March 1, 2012 at 5:27 am

    @Miracle,keep ur lips sealed and your secrets inside of you.unless you think there’s a way he might find out later,dnt tell him anymore.you are still suffering for the ones you told him &you want to add more to it?what’s the point?it wnt undo all your past.insist that you don’t have any secrets left and get on with your life.

  31. rogotigi

    March 1, 2012 at 10:27 am

    Its safer and better (in the long run) to speak up asap… as hard as it may seem! Trust me, once you take d bold step, God’ll back u up!

  32. dammiedee

    March 1, 2012 at 11:14 am

    Honesty is indeed the best policy. We should seek the grace of God to help us. Good piece Ronke

  33. Chioma

    March 1, 2012 at 12:58 pm

    Bella, Y u no com post my comment?

  34. Seun

    March 1, 2012 at 2:30 pm

    Whao. This is a replica of what i am going through. Miracle, It easier for pple to tell you to tell him the entire truth but for pple like me who r going thru the exact of what you are going thru will understand better.I argue with my bf almost everyday because he doesnt trust me in some areas and its so painful.He also told me i have good charaters (in his words” just becos a room in a mansion is ugly doesnt exactly mean that the entire mansion is ugly) and that is what is keeping him in the relationship. Each day, i tell myself that i will tell him what i lied about but end up not havin the courage to tell him. I have made up my mind that i will tell him soon before the end of the first half. My advise for you is put God first, go to his house and explain all to him. If he cancels ur wedding, then he is not meant for u and move on. Its hard but u will get over it. I dont know what your age is but dont worry God will stand by u if he leaves the relationship. M 26yrs and sis it is not easy make up ones mind or live with that kind of burden with a man.

  35. Chioma

    March 1, 2012 at 2:30 pm

    Bella plss. Thx

  36. Chioma

    March 1, 2012 at 2:54 pm

    @Miracle. I got a call from D to read your comment on BN. Girl, we have talked about this. IT CAN NOT BE UNDONE. Your trad is coming up in some weeks time and you are still scared? You have a good heart and you should enjoy your marriage.Every woman has their story and it is too late to turn back now. Stay strong, call Him and open up to him the best way you can. I pray that Jehovah touches his heart to let your past go, see the good in you, trust you again and move on with your lives. You are an adult. 33years is not the time to be skeptical about important issues like this. Call you soon. Will keep praying for you.

  37. eazzie

    March 1, 2012 at 7:53 pm

    @miracle, there are a lot of right thinking girls on here who have given you the best advice. Marriage is not the ultimate. i understand that you are 33 and so you may also feel pressured to settle down. My dear, the blunt truth is that you may be jumping from frying pan to fire. First of all, you may have to continue proving your honesty with him for the rest of your life which means that you may uncounsciously adjust your way of life to please him and that is pure bondage. it will start with you cutting off from some of the friends he may think are responsible for your way of life in the past. I suffered same fate with you but not entirely as i struggled to keep a relationship where i was not trusted for 5+ years for reasons of insecurity with the guy and not even that i was cheating (although i constantly received attention from guys). i only had the phone numbers of family members on my cellphone and no guys, i cut off from great childhood friends cos he thought they were ‘bad influence’. i stopped wearing certain shades of lipsticks cos he thought they were ‘attention seeking’. when some guy commented on my picture on fb, i could not respond cos he would say ‘i was leading them on’. It was hell my dear sister. i became a shadow of myself. When i finally found the strength to leave, i was totally shattered both emotionally and mentally and my self esteem was zero but i thank God it is not thesame today.
    Please, i would not wish my enemy the emotional trauma i went through in a relationship not to talk about marriage. This is the time to stand up for yourself and face the truth. No matter your past, you deserve to be happy so long as you have made your peace with God. Dont pity yourself or consider him your last option… you are a special child of God and you must think well of yourself or no one else will. My prayers are with you. May God grant you the wisdom and support this time and always.
    With all due respect to your friend chioma’s advice… heaven will not help you do what you can do yourself. we should not sell our happiness for material things (friends travelling from afar for the occasion and asoebi and other expenses). Take charge now or run the risk of signing up for 50+ years of torture. Be well my dear.

  38. eazzie

    March 1, 2012 at 8:10 pm

    just to add… @miracle, you are already settling for emotional and verbal abuse as he freely calls you names and in your mind, you feel you deserve it cos of the past which means an even lower level of self esteem on your part. please think again beloved.. i accepted all the rules my ex gave me cos i was like you, ‘trying to prove my honesty and the fact that i was not interested in any other but him’. May God be with you.

  39. Touch

    March 2, 2012 at 9:25 am

    @ Miracle, i feel u. I pray God sees u thru ur present situation. Be strong……..

  40. cynthia

    March 2, 2012 at 4:02 pm

    don’t ask don’t tell. what she don’t know won’t hurt her

  41. K.O

    March 3, 2012 at 6:04 pm

    Perhaps the right time should be in early stages of any sort of relationships or soon after it happens… Although I still acknowledge that it can be extremely hard to be honest about everything. There’s no right or wrong answer.

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