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The Masterpiece That You Are

Princess Simysola

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A lot of times I hear people make different sort of comments about my dark skin. I’ll hear them call me names such as “Blackky”, Charcoal”, “Dudu”, “Ebony”. e.t.c. and deep within my heart a spring of insecurity bubbles. “Should I see it as a compliment or am I being mocked?”

It makes me wonder why sometimes we feel comfortable accepting some people’s compliment, and actually believe it is true but with others we simply feel we are being mocked?

What is the determining factor for what is meant as a compliment and what is actually a slur? I mean if someone told you that you looked drop dead gorgeous, would you look at yourself twice in the mirror to be sure you were truly deserving of such compliment, or would you accept it gracefully?

If on a bad hair day, you are complimented for having a pretty hair, would you give the person the “bad eye” for mocking you or blush and say “thank you”?  What do you do on a day when you feel particularly pretty and then someone makes a negative comment about your look, do you smile in confidence and say “I am beautiful & I know it”, or do you start to doubt if you actually looked good?

I grew up as a young girl with a battered self esteem, and even though I was told I was pretty, I never saw myself in that light. I didn’t look like the regular light-skinned, slim, tall attractive girl, so I put myself in a box and tagged myself “not-so-pretty” and if by  any chance you called me pretty, I would have you labelled “enemy of the year” because I simply felt I was being mocked.

Over & over again people kept telling me I had very gorgeous eyes (now I know I do), but as a young girl, I really didn’t see the big deal, they looked so regular. To make matters worse, I had eye-bags.So I’d stand in front of the mirror and ask “what could be so pretty about these eyes?”

My complexion was another issue. While some people thought I had a beautiful ebony skin, other people thought I was simply too black to be called pretty, some even thought my skin color was as a result of poor hygiene. Some may have been sincere compliments, while others may just have been wicked mockery, but the major difference between who I was then and who I am now is simply my mindset. The opinion I have of myself is right up there just  below what God thinks of me and that is so much higher than what any other body thinks. I also remember somewhere in the Holy Book where my maker calls me a masterpiece. Wow! Then I am truly one.

I don’t really care if you think I have a big nose, or if you think I am too skinny, or that my ears are wide and flappy. Your opinion of me is yours. I can accept it, appreciate it, I can even respect it; but I would not base my decisions or actions solely on what you think about me. What should matter most is the opinion you have of yourself, and though it’s normal for people to make their comments, they should not draw the standards for you.

So now, If you ask me about myself, I’ll tell you that I am a beautiful dark-skinned young lady, with a slim petite body to die for. I have gorgeous eyes with beautiful round cheeks. I am smart, intelligent, creative and playful.

Henceforth, when somebody makes a comment  and you’re not sure if they mean to mock you or they’re just saying the closest thing they can think of, don’t get mad or insecure. Smile, because you already know too well that you are a ‘masterpiece’.

 

Photo Credit:www.skinlighteningtreatment.com

I am Princess Simisola, a lady on a mission with a burning desire to help leaders overcome the scourge of low self esteem & lack of self confidence as it is prevalent in the land today. My Role is to give Hope, that notwithstanding how low the World has made you to feel, you are worth more than a thousand rubies, and there is greatness inside of you that the World requires, that Nigeria is in dire need of. My Message is Simple, In every uniqueness, therein lies greatness.Visit my blog : http://princesssimysola.wordpress.com , or follow me on twitter @princessimysola Instagram; @princesssimysolaNb: I write like I talk…. My styleGod Bless you real good.

71 Comments

  1. LPS

    June 11, 2012 at 9:39 am

    Well said. I love this Simi.
    http://personalstuvs.blogspot.com

  2. muynee

    June 11, 2012 at 9:41 am

    fantastic piece!

  3. QueenofEverything

    June 11, 2012 at 9:49 am

    true words… we must learn to embrace ourselves and love our bodies/features and disregard other people’s “opinions”… God made us the way we are for a reason.
    Growing up, my aunt would regularly tell me I was ugly and how my nose was too flat. This same woman saw me on my last visit to Nigeria and could not stop gushing about how beautiful I was and wanted to show me off to her friends.
    I thank God I was strong enough and resilient not to let all those things she said to me destroy my self-esteem and confidence.
    Bottom line is, if you don’t love and appreciate yourself, you can’t let other people do the same.

  4. enkay

    June 11, 2012 at 9:50 am

    Awesome!!!

  5. kemmy1

    June 11, 2012 at 9:50 am

    Inspired indeed! Lovely article! I am a Masterpiece!

  6. Ron

    June 11, 2012 at 9:52 am

    Inspiring.

  7. Stellamaris

    June 11, 2012 at 10:25 am

    Ds is sometin every prsn shld read,low self esteem is a dream killer!!!

  8. efe

    June 11, 2012 at 10:29 am

    We are all MASTERPIECE made by God ,for a purpose and remember this, we are made in the very image and likeness of God……… FANTASTIC

  9. jbaby

    June 11, 2012 at 10:37 am

    i love this cos im beautiful

  10. MAMA PUT

    June 11, 2012 at 10:38 am

    Very true!! Simisola Agunbiade? Is that you?

  11. tweeter

    June 11, 2012 at 10:47 am

    So let’s lay off the bleaching/lightening cream and fake colored contacts and reduce the weave craze!

  12. ify

    June 11, 2012 at 11:00 am

    Lovely right up, u just need to boost ur self esteem and believe ure beautiful, so many pple that try to downgrade you are just been jealous, they want to look like you buh they cant. Tust God, believe in yourself and do ur thing without minding any baggas. Thanks simisola.

  13. IBK

    June 11, 2012 at 11:01 am

    Good piece of work girl! now, I’m now proud of my big beautiful self.

  14. Mz B

    June 11, 2012 at 11:02 am

    wonderful piece! keep it up

  15. me speaks

    June 11, 2012 at 11:12 am

    indeed awesome. i’m a masterpiece!

  16. Abs

    June 11, 2012 at 11:20 am

    Is it normal for wishing that my skin could be darker? And I’m as dark as a typical Ghanaian woman could be. I so love my skin tone I think its my best asset. I just don’t get it when I see people with bleached skin. nothing like being a black beauty! I gladly accepts compliments when offered. If it ain’t genuine then its the offeror’s cup of tea. Nice piece Princess.

    http://www.abadawoode.blogspot.com

  17. eesha

    June 11, 2012 at 11:22 am

  18. thisiseseosa

    June 11, 2012 at 11:46 am

    Awesome write up girl. A masterpiece you are indeed. Well done.

  19. Master piece

    June 11, 2012 at 12:41 pm

    Yeah, indeed i am a master piece!

  20. lili

    June 11, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    I am an overweight lady in her 20’s. I personally believe that women with my figure have it the hardest despite the over-discussed and cliched dark-skinned/light-skinned topics. I am also willing to bet that several of the ladies here commending this article will not hesitate to say that being “fat” is a physical eyesore. Even the article here assumes that weight is unspoken rule in the criteria for beauty, ala “I’ll tell you that I am a beautiful dark-skinned young lady, with a slim petite body to die for.” My weight has been the bane of my existence, from being teased in high school to being overlooked for dates or relationships. I have put a lot of activities and self goals on hold because I am too “fat” to do anything worthwhile and want to lose weight first. Any big girls think like this? And losing and maintaining weight loss is a struggle. I want to have faith in this article but we all know that certain types of women will forever be left out of the picture. Well – off to the gym!

    • Uloma

      June 11, 2012 at 1:58 pm

      i agree with you 100% percent. Being over-weight is a universal hinderance. Not only is it very unattractive but it is more importantly a health issue. But is it really such a struggle? Not sure if I agree. I think people understand weight loss in a completely wrong way, thanks to overly publicized quick fix solutions. From my experience, if people spent as much time working on a lifestyle change as they did pitying themselves they would be a lot happier.

    • lili

      June 11, 2012 at 3:59 pm

      I just got back from the gym (hate working out but you have to do what you have to do). True to my expectations the same old condescending pointers alluding to “health,” “Lifestyle changes” and “self pity” managed to show up (believe me, I have heard it all from friends, family, acquaintances – you know how upfront and “brutally honest” Nigerians can be). But – let’s not act all nice and loving and parrot the untruth people who have something to say about overweight people care about health. It is 100% about looks. I am actually not soliciting for anyone’s pity but stating things are based completely on my reality. I probably know more about nutrition, food and exercise/fitness than the average person, but that has not stopped me from being what I am and struggling with keeping my cravings in check. 95% of people who lose weight gain it back within 5 years, according to statistics. I certainly fall into this group as I have tried to utilize healthy means to lose weight and have “yoyoed” over the years between weight loss and regaining. So yes – it IS a struggle for me. I may be judged undisciplined by societal standards but it is what it is. I am currently on a new weight loss program and am trying to eat healthy and incorporate a “lifestyle change” once again. Not easy but since even I find myself unattractive and a failure at attaining my prior physical goals, it is only right that I am more resolute in doing it right. Try and try again, even if I don’t succeed at first, or second. Wish me luck!

    • MAMA PUT

      June 11, 2012 at 3:37 pm

      My dear Lili, I totally agree with you. Though I am a Uk size 6, I have a lot of friends and family who speak to me about these issues. The truth is it is very unhealthy; it can affect your heart, lungs, fertility and so much more. There are hundreds of obesity related diseases. I understand that you’ve put your life on hold so you can lose weight because you think all other things will fall into place when this is done. Don’t look at it that way. Look at losing weight as a way to become healthier but not as a way to be more beautiful or get more dates. This can mess with your self esteem. The right opportunities will come when the time is right. The world may tell you that you’re unattractive but you are beautiful, maybe a little unhealthy but you can sort that out. I wish I had the words to encourage you but I just wanna say that you are beautiful in every single way; a masterpiece! BTW, a lot of men bypass me because I’m too petite. I hate that but that’s just me!! You on the other hand, can lose weight if you work hard and there are several men that find “more curvaceous women” to be beautiful. Go head girl!!

    • TO LILI

      June 11, 2012 at 4:37 pm

      @lili I soooo understand u and know where your coming from. LOVE YOU now on the way to becoming what you want to be. Don’t put your life on hold because u want to lose weight. How about doing both at the same time-achieving your goals while trying to lose weight. If you don’t love ur self plus the size, trust me you won’t love you without it. Also lose weight because of you and the fact that you want to be health not because ur friends and family think you should cos when u do lose the weight they’ll find something else to complain about.

    • TobechiD

      June 11, 2012 at 4:42 pm

      I can totally relate to the article written above. Sometimes some people just don’t understand the psychological effects some comments can have on a person.

      Lili, as much as you hate those terms, “to get something you’ve never had, then you must do something you have never done”. Truth be told, losing weight IS a lifestyle change. Check out my blog sometime and we can see about motivating you to lose weight k.
      Nice writ-up Simi.
      tobechidaniel.blogspot.com

    • netsy

      June 13, 2012 at 8:27 pm

      i have felt that way for a long time, i was big, but now i know i can never let people’s comments bring me down. you have to love yourself embrace who you are. and let your dreams become a reality. dont put your dreams on hold just because you do not feel worth it. embrace who you are…

    • modupe

      June 19, 2012 at 12:58 am

      i dont think the article is overlooking the weight thing, i think its doing the opposite telling us to embrace who we are no matter what others say or think, and i fully understnd what you mean being a big girl and all, you know about everything is always when i lose some weight, but i think the purpose of the article is to challenge us to change that way of thinking, why must we lose weight first, why not just do what we need to do, its all about mindset and how we view ourselves, trust me, i myself am using the article as a catalyst to change my view of myself, its about time lol

  21. Miss Pepeye

    June 11, 2012 at 1:25 pm

    Yes we are indeed all Masterpieces. But come oh, fellow Bella Naija-ists. The next time Bella posts some “red-carpet” pics of girls wearing mini skirts and who happen to have knock knees or “k-legs” and you abuse them, walahi, i’ll flog that commenter. lol 🙂

  22. christy

    June 11, 2012 at 1:42 pm

    Funny piece of writeup,everything that you wrote is actually on point,but I tanx God dat I get compliment all d way.I have a short fat friend that so much luv herself that I wonder if it real,or if she is trying to cover up her inferiority complex,I always wish I have the aural of happiness that she seem to potray.I have no issue weather u are short dark in complexion,flat nose,petite stature,bt damn it,if you are fat,blcas to a greater extend,you own yourself to be blame,I hardly make friends with such kind,am nt hating,but flapping arms,fat stomak,over size hip,butt,no,no,no,I just cant

    • miffed

      June 11, 2012 at 3:26 pm

      Uhm…..you don’t make friends with “such kinds of people”??? Christy are u for real or did I misinterpret ur comment? Talk about judging by looks. I’m glad not everybody thinks like you…the world would indeed be a very very bad place for anyone who isn’t skinny (as if it isn’t bad enuf already)

    • MAMA PUT

      June 11, 2012 at 5:04 pm

      AS IIIIN! I’m really glad that not everyone thinks or writes like her! The world would be a terrible place. Shallow mind and horrible grammar. Lord take control.

    • TG

      July 17, 2012 at 3:29 pm

      OH NO YOU DIDN’T!!! Please pray…..really PRAY that people you meet henceforth will not use English language as a requirement for friendship. …. if they do … E don be!! Just imagine?? And WTH is “aural”?

  23. Uloma

    June 11, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    Seriously..do people actually spend time wondering if someone is mocking or complementing them? Not only is this a highly IRRELEVANT problem, but an ineffective response.

  24. oekajeh

    June 11, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    @lili,my dear wake up!dont hide behind your size ,dont you see what plus size women are doing today,living their lives and enjoying evry bit of it.

  25. Olanike

    June 11, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    Simsola darlyn wow!dis is a very nyc, nyc write up…..Proud of u

  26. sista in the Lord

    June 11, 2012 at 2:26 pm

    When I was younger my nick name was “oloju globe” eyes kongba or ojuyobo.
    This used to make me cry all the time. Secondary school was worse; some will call me “nok culture” or froggy eyes.
    I grew up believing that I looked like a frog and my self esteem was the size of a mustard seed.
    The funniest thing was that getting older my face kinda grew into it. Now I literarily get stopped on the road just to be told that I have amazing eyes. Some days ago, in a lift filled with people, a lady exclaimed saying “sorry I have to embarrass you but you are soo beautiful” When I get experiences like this (very often if I may add) I always ask myself : were those people blind when they used to call me “opolo eyes or did my face really change? Moral of the story…..you are responsible for your own self esteem, don’t let any bad mouthed person run you down, cos trust me some people really derive joy in making you feel “froggy”>

    • Yummymummy

      June 12, 2012 at 11:33 am

      lol me too…I was called eyes kongba>>until when I got older and people told me they love my eyes….all those aunties are just been jealous of younger ones beauty innit?

    • pretty me

      June 14, 2012 at 11:17 am

      hmmmmmn in junior sec sch,i remember my maths teacher always calling me 250 or 500 watts cos of my big bold and beautiful eyes.i got so used to it dat even on d road wen he calls me 250 watts i unconsciously turnaround to ansa him.nw am alot older and people both male nd female compliment my lovely eyes.

  27. Yinka

    June 11, 2012 at 2:57 pm

    Great article…..couldnt have thought of myself in a better way…..

  28. Adewale

    June 11, 2012 at 3:01 pm

    This is indeed a masterpiece, brilliant, deep nobody could have said it better. I celebrate you.

  29. Tosin!

    June 11, 2012 at 3:18 pm

    Nice write-up babes, keep it up!

  30. Gorgeous

    June 11, 2012 at 3:21 pm

    I am light skinned or caramel. But i must tell you, i really admire genuinely dark skinned beauties. My sister is brown and she is just as gorgeous. Its all in how you take care of yourself, and do what suits you. Also if you have a vibrant style and add some color to your wardrobe you will be a head tunner. I will also never date a light skinned guy, so go figure. 🙂

  31. PD

    June 11, 2012 at 3:51 pm

    …….henceforth am gonna appreciate my nose and chicken legs more!!! nice write-up!!

  32. MISSGLAM

    June 11, 2012 at 4:15 pm

    nice! very inspiring…

  33. moi

    June 11, 2012 at 4:42 pm

    Good piece. Win £10 off at ASOS on my blog. Read more here:http://artbecomesyou.wordpress.com/2012/05/24/art-becomes-you-first-giveaway/

  34. Okezie Kingsley

    June 11, 2012 at 4:42 pm

    Superb, guess most people had dis issue while growing up.

  35. bundle

    June 11, 2012 at 5:30 pm

    @christy, you need Jesus,
    Weight is a criterion when choosing your friends? How shallow and mean can you be? i`ld really like to see what you look like, even if you looked like Kimora Lee, i wouldnt want to be friends with you because, its obvious that whatever beauty you claim to have is only skin deep. When next you look into the mirror to admire whatever you see on your exterior, please take time to look into your heart, it needs a major makeover, and while doing that get an english teacher, your grammar hurts my eyes.
    Mind you i am not fat, so i`m not not ranting cos i feel you are referring me, i just think you sound like a major b#@$%h. mcheeeeeeew!

  36. bukky k

    June 11, 2012 at 6:43 pm

    [email protected] christy, like seriously……, I grew up with my mum abusing me and telling me my eyes are like a frog’s own. my nose are to big , my thighs are too large and joined together(I was born obese and my parent were advised against giving me baby formula). to cut the long story short…. I grew up feeling ugly and shapeless…. and when people tell me am pretty, I just look at them as if they are mad…, but on my 24th birthday my boss told me am so pretty and if she could have anything, it will be my eyes and my body cos to her there are sexy… dat day changed my perspective of me…. I went home, looked myself in the mirror and fell in love with myself and believe me it has helped me stand up to my mum who still constantly torment me. people like lilly are not to be on the face of this earth, who are U to judge…. in a way I guess my mum and lilly are kinda related, cos they think alike. what is the guarantee that you will not blow up after childbirth or menopause…and like bundle said and I will re-quote, you need serious Jesus not just Jesus but serious Jesus

  37. ShecrownLita

    June 11, 2012 at 7:20 pm

    Mind blowing…. Growing up… I hated my lips.. Cos peeps diss me i have very big lips.. I was soo conscious of it.. That i had to suck it when taking pictures… Now i pay extra attention painting my lips as i see it as the most beautiful part of my body! Go Simi!

  38. iamfascinating

    June 11, 2012 at 9:38 pm

    true talk!

    Top skincare advice, natural items for great skin,original skincare products e.g.Likas papaya whitening soap all available at http://www.thestunninglady.blogspot.com

  39. Pendo

    June 11, 2012 at 11:19 pm

    i am dark skinned too and what annoys me is people always feel the need to say to me “wow you are a black beauty” even random strnagers i meet why can’t they just say you are a beauty or beauty now comes in shades???

    • missA

      June 12, 2012 at 12:40 pm

      hahaha and no one evr says ‘ure such a fair beauty’.
      we all are guilty of what this article stresses. We should make the choice today to consciously restrain from thinking up criticism.

  40. faith

    June 12, 2012 at 12:00 am

    I used τ̅☺ be unattractive but now I am beautiful!

  41. Ib

    June 12, 2012 at 12:43 am

    Bella naija where is Glory Edozien?No,its not my intention to be annoying…I just need answers.No offence Simi.

    • K!

      June 12, 2012 at 6:49 pm

      Yes Bella, where is Glory Edozien?

  42. brittany

    June 12, 2012 at 1:04 am

    HOWEVER,be CAREFUL not to be overconfident

  43. L.A Chick

    June 12, 2012 at 5:48 am

    Nicely said! The world is a mirror, smile to the world and the world smiles back… The more confident the smile, the more positive the response. Being happy with oneself is a long journey that start from within and no amount of compliments can make you feel beautiful unless you come to terms with yourself. I used to feel insecure and as you so perfectly described it, compliments actually reinforced my insecurity. However, I have now internalized the fact that I am a beautiful, intelligent, articulate, sexy, fun to be with black woman. And if people keep saying that about me, it’s just because that’s what I am (wink) Cheers to you. XOXO

  44. tina

    June 13, 2012 at 12:37 pm

    tell ’em sis. really a nice piece. as it says in psalms 139, we are wonderfully and fearfully made.

  45. DatFashionboy

    June 13, 2012 at 1:24 pm

    When I was young i’ve always had dis issue of looking down on my self,I used to think I want too dark and ugly…..later as I grew up and got into higher institution I received a lot of compliments that I have ever got in my entire life.It has really build my self-confidence and has helped me in a lot of ways.Thanks to dose people that make realised I was so handsome and had a lovely dark skin.

    Datfashionboy.blogspot.com

  46. Segun Akiode

    June 13, 2012 at 1:26 pm

    Princess Simysola, this article is simply a master-piece in itself. Message sent and received. Thanks for sharing 🙂

  47. Amaka andrews

    June 14, 2012 at 8:50 am

    Thank you for this write up. We all bave issues with our bodies and this keeps us away from feeling beautiful. For me ,i have slim light legs and this keeps me from wearing short things and when i decide to wear anything short i’m always looking out for what people say and how they look at me. At the end of the day i feel so misrable. These days i dont care anymore i’m beautiful and wonderfully made by my maker. So i’m just going to be happy and live a good life. Thank you for this piece.

  48. sean pizzy

    June 14, 2012 at 2:04 pm

    People might actually think negative about you, but what matters most is the way you see yourself.
    Nice article and a bold one.
    Thumbs up dear colleague. Teach more to the world.

  49. black pearl

    June 17, 2012 at 9:21 pm

    I had similar issues too, m nt too sure if I’m beautiful or not, getn compliment 4rm pple, I ask myslf if dey r since or not, buh pple kip telln me m beautiful. N wat m happy abt is my boyfrnd likes black gals, n now I knw who I am, d master piece. Fanks 4 dis inspiration word, cos it will go a long way

  50. Segun Adekoye

    June 21, 2012 at 10:01 am

    awwwww. sweet stuff. wish peeps would think as u do.

  51. Alexandra Igwe

    June 22, 2012 at 12:50 am

    I’m happy after reading this piece, beautiful writing.

  52. mara

    June 22, 2012 at 5:59 am

    this is a beautiful write up and a must read. i’m disappointed by some of the comment i’ve read. while unintended, i hate that some of the comments has taken away the simple yet general message the writer wanted to convey. The writer finally got to a place in her life where she can fully embrace who she is and thus encourages everyone to follow suit regardless of the struggles. Her intentions was by no means to downplay the weight struggle that some might face. It’s very easy to take one look at a person and suddenly assume life must be good to them, but you may not know the struggles they face in life. everyone has some demons they’re wrestling with, some are more obvious than others. It’s not your place to judge anyone especially when you haven’t spent a sec in their shoes. embrace who u are: big, small, short, tall, dark/light skinned etc we’re all made in the image and likeness of God. I know my creator loves me unconditionally and deems me beautiful. but for some reason, i refused to believe that was enough. i wanted to hear people say that i’m beautiful, in some odd way i thought hearing that from people will provide the reassurance i craved….thank God i know better now. i’m beautiful simply because God himself made me and he says i’m good enough….cheers

  53. mara

    June 22, 2012 at 6:16 am

    @christy: i literally had to read your post over and over to be certain my eyes weren’t tricking me. are u being for real? u need a lethal dose of reality check or Jesus…take your pick. omg u are unbelievable. u have a distorted view on self worth. so u assumed your friend who’s fat and short should be wallowing in self pity and crying herself to sleep every night. u even questioned the genuinity of her happiness….wow are u that superficial? smh

  54. Esther

    June 25, 2012 at 1:03 am

    lovely write up. For most of my teenage years i struggled with been skinny , a painful lanky size six. I was a happy go lucky fun type but i had deep issues with my weight. It was such a touchy subject for me. I felt i could be so much more if only i had more flesh and curves like my friends. At 25 , i am a lovely size 12 and a testimony that late bloomers bloom best , but the truth is my body did not change my mind. I still struggle with insecurities and deal with self esteem issuesl ike every woman. My remedy is love urself ,no matter how you look, focus on your inner beauty and most of all belive what God your father says about you. Only then can you find true peace and comfort in your own skin.

  55. Semira

    June 27, 2012 at 4:47 pm

    lovely piece….i absolutely like :)….my favourite part is “The opinion I have of myself is right up there just below what God thinks of me and that is so much higher than what any other body thinks”.

  56. pius

    June 29, 2012 at 4:15 pm

    nice write-up simisola keep it up

  57. gen

    July 22, 2012 at 10:46 pm

    i cant stop smiling …… this article is what I needed to read right nw…

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