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An Absolute “Must Have” Or Else…



Every girl has this fantasy of the kind of man she wants to end up with, so we work hard at finding AND keeping him. There are “standard” requirements (blame Harlequins Romance please)- tall, dark, choca mocha skin, well toned muscles, romantic, one oil well somewhere or at least maybe an oil prospecting license. The list is endless. Besides the “he must have the fear of God oh, not a church goer” requirements, for me, it has always been humor, brains, fluent English, did I already mention humor? I’ve never really spent any time picturing a well chiseled face and body because, in my mind the guy doesn’t have a face. He just has a musical laugh and his wit is way up there. I’ve visualized the kind of intellectual sparring we’d be having over a cup of hot chocolate.

These fantasy criterion, however are not limited to us members of the “fairer sex”. I’ve heard that some guys also say things like; “A Lady on The Streets but a Freak in The Sheets”, “Oh! and she must know how to whip up a storm in the kitchen”, “she must have her own money”. “She must be demure and respect the fact that I’m the man of the house”.

It’s all in their heads though, because when life deals us its cards, you realize that those things you thought were set in stone are actually amenable.

My cousin ALWAYS dated tall, broad shouldered guys. For some reason, those were the guys who toasted her and just like that, they were her thing. The man she married was short and bless his heart, wore nerdy glasses.  A guy I went to school with is a certified, tried and tested “a$$ man”. If her booty wasn’t giving Kim K a run for her money, he wasn’t going near it. As life would have it, his fiance’s bum is flatter than a washboard. I teased him about it and what I got was “Mehn Atoke, all those ones no matter jor! When you find the right person, you just know”

That was all sorts of sweetness. I mean, we spend all our time sculpting perfection (or at least, our idea of it) and when we finally settle down, most times, the person doesn’t meet any of those criteria. So, I just wonder, does the criteria change? Do we become more mature as we grow older? Do we get to the stage when we resign ourselves to fate and say “Anyone wey come!” Or, do we just take off the rose-coloured glasses and see things differently? On the flip side, that “change of criteria” – is it deemed “settling for less”?

What do you guys think? Should I keep searching for that uber smart guy who’d make me laugh till my ribs hurt? Or should I just “arrange myself well” and take what life gives me? You know what they say… lemons…lemonade!

Photo Credit:

You probably wanna read a fancy bio? But first things first! Atoke published a book titled, +234 - An Awkward Guide to Being Nigerian. It's available on Amazon. ;)  Also available at Roving Heights bookstore. Okay, let's go on to the bio: With a Masters degree in Creative Writing from Swansea University, Atoke hopes to be known as more than just a retired foodie and a FitFam adherent. She can be reached for speechwriting, copywriting, letter writing, script writing, ghost writing  and book reviews by email – [email protected]. She tweets with the handle @atoke_ | Check out her Instagram page @atoke_ and visit her website for more information.


  1. ifeyinwa

    June 13, 2012 at 4:29 pm


  2. Chika

    June 13, 2012 at 4:35 pm

    Nice read…I think the truth is that we just grow up and priorities change. Instead of thinking about the way he laughs, you are looking for a man who has goals and aspirations. He might not laugh that great, but you still see him in your future. Some are lucky, they get exactly the kind of man that was always in their dreams. Some are even luckier, they get the man who was never in their dreams but who hits all the points when it comes to loving them the right way and being amazing. Most times, we refer to the latter kind of people as “settling”. Sometimes, we are right. Other times, meeeehhnnnnn that’s the man that they should have been dreaming about in the first place. #mytwocents 🙂

    • Lara

      June 13, 2012 at 8:23 pm

      Worth a lot more than two cents! So right! I especially like thats the man they should have been dreaming about all along…

  3. bundle

    June 13, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    well, let`s just say, as you grow older, you realize that you can`t get everything you want.

    • onenaijababe

      June 13, 2012 at 4:58 pm


  4. LatestBabe

    June 13, 2012 at 4:40 pm

    Hahaha.. Good one. I think you already answered your question, when you meet the right one you will know. It is not necessarily lowering your standards. I use myself as an example, i have always also thought i knew what my exact dream guy should look like and then i met my fiance and in terms of looks he is what i wants but in terms of personality he is not. I a bit shy and so i have dreamed of having an outgoing person to compliment my nature but my fiance might even be a more shy person than myself. His English is not too perfect but i have travelled and learned enough to know that others take pride in their langauge and that english is a borrowed language for it to count. But one thing i know is that he loves me and i love him. What am saying is if you should lower your standards it should be because you found the right one.

  5. AnNo

    June 13, 2012 at 4:40 pm

    es, there are those who fall under the “Anyone wey come!” bracket. But for some I think it’s also about give and take. I believe when he ticks the most important boxes and does you like “yori yori” then the other requirements do not seem as important. At the end of the day as a friend of mine put it, once the couple settle in as husband and wife and start having kids, you almost live as if you’re close friends and not actually a couple.

    Without a doubt we should all have those qualities that are an absolute must. Religion? Nationality? Education? Career? Personality? Fertility? We should each have our own.

    • Gidi

      June 13, 2012 at 5:09 pm


    • NakedSha

      June 13, 2012 at 5:51 pm


    • AnNo

      June 13, 2012 at 6:39 pm

      Yes Fertility.

      My friend was asked to prove she was fertile before her bf could propose to her. It was not a joke. He insisted. She showed him the door.

    • NakedSha

      June 13, 2012 at 8:09 pm


      Biko, how?

      The girl go carry belle first? Or how? I don’t doubt you; I’ve heard of it before. I just don’t know how…

    • Purpleicious Babe

      June 14, 2012 at 3:26 am

      YEP… it happens ohh.. well mum had to carry belle first before marriage.. true talk..

    • Gidi

      June 14, 2012 at 7:37 am

      I obviously believe you but the dumbness of that route is revealed when the girl has a miscarriage afterwards or the child dies after birth for whatever reason. If she is unable to conceive after that,what happens?

  6. bundle

    June 13, 2012 at 4:47 pm

    BTW the William and Catherine dolls are so cute.

    • doppleganger

      June 13, 2012 at 11:40 pm

      if only william really looked like that lol

  7. feintoe

    June 13, 2012 at 4:49 pm

    Lol, we really need to take off the rose-coloured glasses and see things the way God want us to see it. Nice one Atoke.

  8. ibi

    June 13, 2012 at 4:58 pm

    i love the dolls, priceless. You can still long for what u want in a man, U Might get 80percent:). BUT ABOVE ALL BE CONTENT. all the best!!


    June 13, 2012 at 5:01 pm

    Nice article…

  10. IssyOma

    June 13, 2012 at 5:08 pm

    Interesting piece….I have always been a fan of tall dark handsome guys, but somehow they seem like the wicked/heartless guys… i found my not-so-tall dark ok guy…..who is a gooooooooooooood guy. wink wink

  11. bundle

    June 13, 2012 at 5:16 pm

    Come to think of it, maybe what you want may not necessarily be good for you, ask yourself why exactly you want those qualities, and you my be surprised at how silly and inconsequentialyour reasons are, now I ask the guys, what is so important about a woman having a huge backside or bossom, and the women why must he have an oil well, if he can very well take care of you and the family comfortably? what value would that add to your relationship, Also ask yourself, are you ready for the responsibilities that come with having the alpha male as a husband or having the woman who’s got it all for a wife, it always looks greener on the other side, but remember that the water bills will be higher ….they say “if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans” The good Daddy upstairs may have something different planned for you. Just pray that you get the person from whose ribs you were formed, and for guys- pray for that missing rib. funny enough when you find that person, all your other requirements become irrelvant, trust me i`m married so i know.

    • Omolola

      June 14, 2012 at 12:08 pm

      Nice one

  12. TruthTeller

    June 13, 2012 at 5:30 pm

    Things change as you grow older. I’m a freak for really tall, HANDSOME guys with nice abs. As God’ll have it,all the guys i’ve dated up until my fiance all have pot bellies, something I can’t stand – really (i’m 5’7, size 6.I need someone to compliment that size)let’s just say I love a well toned body!
    I’ve realized it’s beyond setting certain standards or being so critical, it’s about the content of that person’s character and how the person treats you. I once dated a really handsome (pot-bellied)guy(i’ve already mentioned i’m a sucker for fine dudes :)) but he had the tendency to reap where he didn’t sow and traits of getting violent amidst many other negative traits. I didn’t wait to marry him to discover that. After waking up and “smelling the coffee”, I looked out for a helper (even with house chores and taking off my weave!), confidant, best friend, lover,one that understands my imperfections and so much more rather than look for the tall,handsome, dark, rich wife beater (that’s not to say however that all good looking successful guys’re bad). BTW did I mention he’s a ‘tall” , dark not bad looking successful one? (yippee! lucky me)

    • Chika

      June 13, 2012 at 5:46 pm

      Amen sister!

  13. AnonYMOUS..

    June 13, 2012 at 5:46 pm

    I think as you grow older your priorities change and you kinda start focusing on the most important things. You cannot overemphasize some qualities sha (e.g being God-fearing and not a church goer, being ambitious and all those things). After a while, physical looks may not be so important. My friend once mentioned to me that she never thought she would marry a man that is shorter than she is, or someone that snores and has a thick accent. Guess what, her husband has all these qualities but she says if he had more flaws I will marry him over again because he is an amazing man… For me, relationships are about compromise; as long as you tick the very important boxes, we are all set to go 🙂

  14. mia

    June 13, 2012 at 6:06 pm

    nigerian women dont love tall dark and handsome its the media that is forcing it down their throat , nigerian girls will kill for a tall fair and handsome nigerian man because they feel he is ajebo and he must be rich too .

  15. TruthTeller

    June 13, 2012 at 6:37 pm

    @mia, you get sense!that’s absolutely true.

  16. Speak it

    June 13, 2012 at 6:47 pm

    Dated 3 of the so called ideal man ( aspa picture i had always painted in my head) nd found them not ideal afterall. Then i met my fiancé(God’s Ideal man for me), look-wise he is nothing like d pictures i’ve always painted, but he’s everything one could wish for in a man nd he completes me. Wedding set for December 😀

    • doppleganger

      June 13, 2012 at 11:42 pm

      awww, sweet!

  17. Modinat

    June 13, 2012 at 6:53 pm

    heoww am tinkin about diz wan and i know is not by might is just wat happens that will happen because lez jest say that i marry a tall handsop man and he will be flogging me in the house and outside efrybodi wee be saying modinat i wish i av marry the man that you av marry but me i wee be crying inside my hat because i know that the hansop man is not a good man but is one that is beating me inside the house is that a good kinds of living ples ask ursef befor u take that step of marrying the hansop man and you dont know his family bekgrand and tins like that because it is impodant to know all thes and then marry the guy after you fin out all these and the moz impodant tin is to also find out his likes or dislikes for instances he might like to eat egusi efryday and you will be in dat house maken mayb okro or somtin like dat whish he doesnt liking he wee jest beat you o anyways i am finishes this comment and tanks bella for the niz most cheers form Mody baby or Modinat if u like dat wan.

    • Lara

      June 13, 2012 at 8:21 pm

      “Modinat” U made me laugh out loud, I read this to a friend with the “Jenifa” accent and all! Nice one & makes a lot of sense too 🙂

    • Bless

      June 14, 2012 at 1:07 am

      Haha! Mody baby… This your comment wan make I laugh scatter belle. You’re mad funny!!

  18. Saveme Lord

    June 13, 2012 at 7:01 pm

    @ Latestbabe, it seems you’re speaking to me!

  19. Abs

    June 13, 2012 at 7:27 pm

    ‘(blame Harlequins Romance please)-‘ that made me smile and it’s really true that when u find the right person you forget about everything. nice piece.

  20. Sandi

    June 13, 2012 at 7:37 pm

    Atoke, it’s called maturity. As we get mature, not necessarily get older, we start realizing what truly matters. Superficial things take the back seat.

  21. elle

    June 13, 2012 at 8:44 pm

    Mia pls jst say that is what u like don’t force it on us, thankyou!I’m a Nigerian woman and I lovee dark guys and I have a lot of frnds dat love dark guys as well

    • cherry

      June 14, 2012 at 2:26 am

      actually mia is right ,fair guys get all the girls they dont even need to lift a finger .

  22. Speak it

    June 13, 2012 at 8:45 pm

    What we want is not necesarilly what is good for us nd what is good for us mostly doesnt come in d most attractive packages. Bt wit time nd maturity, i’ve learned to go wit what is good for me. Nt to say wen it’s attractive it isn’t good.

  23. Nma

    June 13, 2012 at 9:31 pm

    Priorities certainly change with age/wisdom. My forte has always been tall(6’1 and up), dark, athletic, and handsome…..American football player type. In addition to that my “character” requirements were offf the hinges too! lol. Friends would tell me to get real cos u can’t get ALL that in one package. I sha got to a point (about last yr) where i decided to see less of the physical and more of the inside cos after all is said and done, when the dust settles…that is all that matters. Looks may change, but a good man will remain a good man…plus, a good looking man with a bad character can turn into the ugliest toad as the scales fall off. Coupled with the fact that ur family, friends and people may awww and oooh at u guys, dubbing u as the cutest couple ever….meanwhile u are getting emotionally bulala’d inside, and miserable as heck…but u can’t really speak up or may not wanna leave cos u wanna maintain that “facade”. They’ll come and chop ur rice and drink ur fanta at ur wedding, and head on home, leaving u to deal with this man for the rest of your life

    I decided to take my eyes off the less important stuff and even the important aspect too and just focus on me…..and some how some way, the love of my life came with EXACTLY all the criteria i have ever wanted and more! I would have still fallen madly in love with him if he wasn’t exactly my “dream guy” physically cos he’s sooo good. But papa God hooked a sister up big time! The only thing is that my mind has always been programmed to marry an igbo man….and this guy isn’t even Nigerian! lol….never thought this day would happen but i love him completely along with his culture. Parents are not happy with that bit, but i pray they come around cos whether they do or not….its going down!

  24. G

    June 13, 2012 at 9:33 pm

    The older you get (or the more years one spends on earth) the better you know yourself. It is not so much that priorities change but more so that one’s priorities evolve. Humanity and essentially mankind is an evolutionary process – that is the koko of the matter – as we evolve so does our priorities and criteria for happiness/wellbeing. SIMPLES!

  25. CEO

    June 13, 2012 at 9:42 pm

    First of all, there’s a difference between the kind of people you date and the person you marry. HUGE DIFFERENCE. Many times, the specs people cook up you can find that in a casual dating r/l. When things are casual, you can pick and choose what you want.

    When it comes to marriage, the tables turn. You’ll have certain basic things that may be important to you but the physical wouldn’t be such a huge deal anymore because you get mature and realize what really matters.

    BTW, ladies hve to be careful. I hear so many girls saying ” he must be 6″3″, this and that. Just know that when you make ridiculous expectations like that, guys also have specs they want. so be wise

  26. TobechiD

    June 13, 2012 at 9:49 pm

    The truth? Maturity sets in and you realize all those things can take a back-burner to the nitty gritty that really matters.

  27. Bhekky

    June 13, 2012 at 10:32 pm

    Atoke its cald maturity&nofin mor k!9ce piece swidy!pls kip d fire burnin!

  28. KingsQueen

    June 13, 2012 at 10:33 pm

    too many stories jo… i just want a good man (sent from God, cos not all good men are as they seem) one who’ll adore me and treat me like the Queen that i am and all the rest is history…

  29. Tokunbo

    June 13, 2012 at 10:42 pm

    All u girls sef! My friend is a certified boob man! But the babe he’s engaged to, I doubt her cup size reach B sef. But he’s madly inlove with her.
    This girl I went to pri sch with, babe loves light skin guys with toned abs! And she always fell for the stupid ones that cheat on her. And I remember I used to say to her she should stop wasting her time looking for fine light skin guy with abs. Becoz the truth is she is DARK, FAT and UGLY. So i couldn’t understand why she had high standards when she really didnt have much to offer. My point is, check yourself first before u start writing list! Wat are u bringing to the table before u look for a partner.

    • Nike

      June 14, 2012 at 11:33 am

      That is a horrible statement. Everyone has something to offer. She may not be a 10 in the looks department but I am sure she has a good heart and was intelligent. I am sure you don’t have much to offer either and should never expect anything good in your life because you are so shallow and contemptuous, judging by your crass statement. Don’t be mad, I’m just judging you the way you judged your so called “friend”

  30. toun

    June 14, 2012 at 12:38 am

    am the so called hip hop babe pretty good looking with kim k hips and everything i so much love tall dark and handsome broad shoulders every everybut guess what they’ve showed me pepper that is the reason why am still not married at 31 but getting married in aug to a skinny as in skinny winny but trust me no guy has ever made me happy this way in my life he treats me like a queen and i love him

  31. Deep

    June 14, 2012 at 1:01 am

    @elle dark guys all the way. I cant stand light skin boys hiss but i did n do still love my x who was light skinned but throughtout the relationship i kept telling him his not my type i prefer dark skin boys. Dark skin boys alll the way baby

  32. Nonya

    June 14, 2012 at 1:50 am

    I agree with most of what has been stated so far, in terms of maturing and realizing the more important qualities. Did you notice that in the examples that you gave, the qualities that changed were only the nonsensical ones. Having standards and a checklist is absolutely necessarily because if not, you will end up in a miserable situation. The key, however, is selecting the right qualities that are going to matter in the long run. I don’t see anything wrong with your requirements so carry on jo 🙂

  33. enne

    June 14, 2012 at 3:14 am

    Well nice piece Atoke!in as much as we ladies all have our ideal man all up in our head don’t forget that what u think ur ideal man is might not be the best for you.need I say u seek God deligently to send ur mate to u.I learnt that {permit me to quote d bible pls)God caused man to fall into a deep sleep n took out of him a rib n formed a woman.n He said he who findeth a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour from the lord.what this means is that every woman has a man,n becos he will have to find you,you on ur part be that woman who was carved out of him,am sure if he is not tall n handsom like u wished he would be amazing in ur life.that’s y they say if you see the person u will know,he may not be denzel washington but be assured tht if u seek God out deligently,he would reward you with what he truly prepared you from.oh I have this big thing for tall big guys,he musnt b handsome but offcourse great sense of humour n offcourse grt dress sense,but if he comes n he is not tall n dark,I pray he wld make me happy make my ribs I still think its ok to dream but seek God to send u the man he prepared u for.

  34. POSHNigeria

    June 14, 2012 at 3:48 am

    Yes! Ive been down the ‘tall, dark, handsome, rich’ guy road several times. Im not going to generalise, but they ALL were BAD news! It was a trip to hell and back. I always said ‘God forbid’ to dating a short man or a light skinned man or a man thats just building his career or business. Well, Im done painting pictures of what i want him to look like or have and ive started praying on how i would like his heart to be. Shikena!

  35. ogie

    June 14, 2012 at 3:51 am

    Everyone to his own…

  36. Purpleicious Babe

    June 14, 2012 at 3:54 am

    Can I just say I want him HARD.. SEXYY… FINE.. & HOLY.. lol well none is holy what I mean is he is on point with GOD and he is ambitious too, and has respect. Why I cant I have everything??? Some people do and its not like they had special powers they asked and it was given by our very own Almighty GOD.

    On a serious note, maturity sets in and depending on your mental state you are most likely going to be more realistic and expect less. But I am sorry am not compromising on some standards like smoking or a dude that swears like no other or has extreme traditional values that has no backbone ewwwww.. its a NONO. But then again, u never know… #rejectsitsinjesusname#..

    Maybe am naive or clueless. But there is a reason why bible said watch and pray( i do think this can be interpreted in different context). he can be fine and handsome but no real value to add and he can be short and stubby with more values to add. hmmmm..

    • Purpleicious Babe

      June 15, 2012 at 4:41 pm

      P.s they are also tall and handsome and nice dudes out there too and horrible short and stubby dude Just letting u know its varies.

  37. iamfascinating

    June 14, 2012 at 6:51 am

    Be true to you. Externals are fickle.

    the top anti-aging product retinola nd collagen creams are available at

  38. osato oboh

    June 14, 2012 at 7:46 am

    what a nice one,i wish i can b reading such articles every day.keep it up.u ar going somewere some days

  39. Gezani

    June 14, 2012 at 7:48 am

    There is no formula for such things. I have dated the handsome guys and the ugly ones. Sometimes its the ugly one’s that are so abusive because they wanna bring your self asteem down. Its worse if the person is ugly and also have an ugly heart. I want a man who is God fearing, he knows his worth as a man, funny and makes me laugh and kind.

  40. Gidi

    June 14, 2012 at 7:50 am

    After reading most comments here,it just occurred to me that most pentecostal pastors must be immature. They always tend to end up with the prettiest girls with often questionable characters.

  41. Adun

    June 14, 2012 at 8:24 am

    I totally love this article and it is really relevant in this age/time. Alot of the times our childhood fantasies do not particularly become our reality in the end. The decision to choose a life partner is one of the hardest and most sensitive and should be done with wisdom and foresight

  42. happychic

    June 14, 2012 at 8:46 am

    very tricky topic……honestly i do not think there are any fast rules to this……having a set of criteria isnt bad… might be lucky to find a man that fits in to all your requirement and still have a good heart! it does happen.
    Growing up i was a tall, extremely skinny and unattractive girl! Yeah! I know you are all thinking….”this babe has low self esteem” but i am being honest….Not like i cared or anything like that. Anyhoo, i didnt have a criteria of what i wanted my man to be like….but anytime i was asked, i went with the crowd’s description of tall, dark and handsome. When i was in the university, i met this tall,dark and handsome guy(he won face of my university 3 years in a row!) we became good friends and unknown to me, he was attracted to me. He asked me out a couple of months later and i said no. Well, turns out i wasnt in the bit attracted to his personality….i mean he was soooo handsome….but that was where it stopped for me. Turns out he was too reserved for my liking! so i said no! (i didnt even believe me!) I moved on to another guy…this time tall, light skinned and plumpy. He had the personality but was the devil!!!!! Gosh! it was hell with him. I sha managed to move on from him after wasted 6 years!
    To cut the long story short, I finally married a handsome, dark, same height as moi guy and he has got a fantastic personality and a very good heart!!!

  43. Hills

    June 14, 2012 at 9:17 am

    @ toun: You are funny,”skinny winny” huh? Dont worry you’ll feed him.
    @ Gidi: You must be reading another article because your comment does not line up with the post. You just judged “men of God”. Be careful o God doesn’t like that.
    Sha, what i want is someone i can always be proud to call “my man” because i will sure make him proud i”m “his lady”.
    Besides God grants us our hearts desires. Not desires borne out of selfishness,greed,competition,shame,”how i for do?”.

  44. Mz B

    June 14, 2012 at 9:24 am

    interesting read, but the way i see it. If you have a criteria of who you would like to date/marry, that same guy who is your ideal criteria probably has his crietria and you dont fit it, so who loses out?

    whats the point of having preferences! However that being said there are some qualities that are essential that a person should have etc God fearing, trustworthy, not be married etc lol but all other things like looks and build are just a bonus.

  45. Thato

    June 14, 2012 at 9:26 am

    Just let God lead you as an individual to a right partner.

  46. Thato

    June 14, 2012 at 9:29 am

    U r so funny kwaakwaaaakwaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!

  47. PD

    June 14, 2012 at 10:40 am

    @toun….skinny gba….cant stand skinny but oloruko…to be sincere at dis time n age ….if na broom i go marry am.

    i dont do 6’3 wateva cos me sef tall well….hates abs cos of the stupid look on der face when they ask u out….n it feels like plank when u touch it….i dont get!! wat do we really c in abs??? phewwwww……when the koko is wat we should be concerned about!!!*rollingmyeyes* for me i just want a friend…..some1 i can talk his ear off n cook for!!! finish!!!! love the article!!!

  48. Kiz

    June 14, 2012 at 10:51 am

    its a mixture of all you have stated, we grow more mature and our priorities change plus when you find THE ONE, it transcends looks.

  49. Ife

    June 14, 2012 at 11:32 am

    i really love dis article. i’ve been battling my head for some minor issues before like this before. My boyfriend is just an inch taller than me, so when i wear heels i become taller than him. i then end comparing myself to other couple. But seriously, i really love this guy. he’s so intelligent,God fearing,loving and very mature and he’s proposed to me already. Then i concluded that i will not leave 80% of what i can”t do without (i.e good character , humility,intelligence) for 20%(tall,dark and handsome) of what is not too important.

  50. Priscy

    June 14, 2012 at 11:41 am

    When u meet the right person, U’ll just know. Everything will work outand u will learn to tolerate and live with each others differences

  51. ephee

    June 14, 2012 at 12:22 pm

    yea ryte. my kind of guy i dated / asked me out were tall, dark,, handsome and built but i ended up marrying a petite and cute guy. i fell relaxed and more peaceful with him than my ex who guys run after. my hubby though petite is romantic, caring and daring

  52. Hills

    June 14, 2012 at 1:40 pm

    @ephee: daring *wink wink*

  53. christy

    June 14, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    @PD big hug for ur statement,I ve never luv guys wit abs,can’t imagin feeling a wooden body.

  54. shirl

    June 14, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    This article seems to be calling me out lol oo charley those mills n boons and historical romances have really messed man up oo. i remember one of my aunties telling me that if i kept reading those books i was never gonna get married cuz to her it was all fantasies. That said i must say i have a list too tall- physically imposing- handsome- articulate-ambitious -God fearing -must know how to treat a lady- romantic-must have a good sense of humour hunk of a man(actually the list does not end here) but growing up i have seen people that i swore were handsome or pretty but few yrs down the line got me wondering what i ever saw in them or what happened to them, i think as you grow old you realise that if you meet someone who meets majority and the emphasis here is on MAJORITY of the things u re looking out for you should go with the person cuz the physical stuff is/are only icing on the cake cuz if you were to get mad at your mate you won’t be thinking foolish handsome man you would be thinking foolish goat more like. The physical stuff is quite transitional

    • Negra

      July 13, 2012 at 7:54 pm

      Shirl, are u Ghanaian? The ‘charley’ gave u away. lol

  55. Bamz

    June 15, 2012 at 1:55 pm

    Tks Atoke for this very articulately written piece, the illustrations are very on point. it sure is an article we can all relate to. I particularly loved Chika & Speak it’s contributions and I absolutely agree with G & Adun and I can relate to your comment Mz B. I’d like to add dat I’m very impressed with the write ups on BN lately they’ve been very relevant like Ebun Oshin’s “The best Laid Plans” & Jibola L’s “Never forge”t- very thought provoking & well written articles.
    well I’m also on team tall, dark & handsome, (my lil extras)witty & romantic but I’ve realised that this criterion that we are often so quick to list when asked what we want in a man are actually cliches fuelled by years of reading romantic novels & watching mexican telenovelas, soap operas etc. These media set us up for unrealistic expectations in both the person we want & how our relationships should be. We make our romantic movie heroes the standard.
    Do we sit and ask ourselves why we want the things we want & what value it will add to our relationships. There is need to draw a line between make believe & reality. Also I dont think we settle for less I just think reality sets in & we r made to grow over our childhood fantasies and become more realistic with our wants

  56. alotibi

    June 23, 2012 at 1:05 pm

    Jewels come in various shapes and sizes, but generally as refined or crude. Irrespective of how found, they are precious! And when these precious “things” are found they are brought up to the standard so cherished, the unchangeables are accepted and loved just the way they are

  57. FunkyW

    November 19, 2013 at 11:32 am

    GREAT READ! Its over a year that this was written and I’m seeing it for the first time.
    Atoke I think you should publish a book, it’ll be nice to read a book with all these interesting topics and comments . Ciao!

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