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Atoke’s Monday Morning Banter: They’re Looking But We Just Don’t Care

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Monday morning is that time when you don’t need any thing getting in your way. It is on Monday that you’d be most frustrated if you have a flat tyre on the Third Mainland bridge, or when those pesky Road Safety marshals decide to pull you over and start asking for the left eye of a Brazillian lizard. Nobody needs stress of any type on a Monday morning… especially with this heat wave that has settled and has refused to even take a small break.

However, when stress comes, you need to have some sort of tension relief mechanism.  For instance, for the life of me I couldn’t figure out where I dropped my wallet. I searched everywhere, did a mental backtracking to the last time I saw it and… nothing. I was starting to get frazzled and worked up and then the  image of Nollywood “bad boy” at Africa Magic Viewers Choice Awards floated to the top of my head and I just started laughing. Morale of the cool story? There’s always a reason to smile.

Speaking of the awards, the organizers did a good job and it’s really exciting that we’re making great strides in the entertainment industry. Anyway, while at the event, there was this really good looking couple beside me and it appeared like they couldn’t get their hands off each other. It was really cute to see. The babe kept running her hands down the boo’s ears, neck, arms. Boo’s fingers running back and forth babe’s thighs. She was giggling quite a lot so it was really difficult not to notice.
It felt like I was at two shows. The one on the stage and the guys by my right.

On our long ride back to the mainland my friend said “So what was doing those ones beside you? Shebi they were coming from home and they’d still go back to their house. Ki lo de de?” I laughed and called her an enemy of public love. I said “Abeg, abeg, it was shacking them and rightly so. Love is not easy to find“.

“Ahn ahn! Don’t they even care that everybody is looking at them?”

We laughed about it and right there I knew what we were going to talk about this morning. What’s up with Public Display of Affection (PDA) really? Some people are really touchy-feely people and when they’re in that phase of their relationships they can’t get enough of each other. Some people have argued that PDA is a way of marking their territory “Notice how firmly my hand is gripping that behind? Well yeah, that bum is mine!” “See how far my tongue is down her throat? Well, I’m working it down there… it’s all mine. Keep away!”

It has been argued that on this side of the world, we have a faux sense of self consciousness and as such it’s not common practice. People of that school of thought have argued that PDA is a western import and that we (they mean Nigerians) are more “reserved and decent” *chuckles*

Is there anything wrong with showing love in public really? I mean, imagine an expressive and emotional person having her true nature suppressed because she’s trying to conform to certain societal norms and dictates. Someone said that there’s a place to draw the line – so who determines where that line is drawn? Are you a fan of PDA? Where have you drawn the line in expressing how you feel in public?

Anyway, I gotta love you and leave you guys now. Have a fabulous week ahead. Visit BellaNaija everyday because we have some super amazing features this week. I also have two autographed copies of BankyW’s album for giveaway! So please send an email to features(at)bellanaija(dot)com if you’re interested and we’ll let you know how you can pick up.

Remember to love, to laugh and to stay positive in the face of all adversity.
Peace, love and cupcakes!

Toodles!

Photo Credit: www.123rf.com

You probably wanna read a fancy bio? But first things first! Atoke published a book titled, +234 - An Awkward Guide to Being Nigerian. It's available on Amazon. ;)  Also available at Roving Heights bookstore. Okay, let's go on to the bio: With a Masters degree in Creative Writing from Swansea University, Atoke hopes to be known as more than just a retired foodie and a FitFam adherent. She can be reached for speechwriting, copywriting, letter writing, script writing, ghost writing  and book reviews by email – [email protected]. She tweets with the handle @atoke_ | Check out her Instagram page @atoke_ and visit her website atoke.com for more information.

49 Comments

  1. Nomy

    March 11, 2013 at 10:46 am

    PDAs are uncomfortable for me o, my ex really wanted that kind of relationship and touchy feely stuff in public. I was just not into it at all. I remember going out with him to buy sharwarma at shoprite, next thing i know, he is kissing me right in front of the counter, forgive my shy shy but i pulled back. I think i ended up embarrassing both of us, i for shun, pretend. I still don’t like it.

    • Nomy

      March 11, 2013 at 1:22 pm

      Oh so i was first? Toh. Bella any prize for that?

  2. Tolani

    March 11, 2013 at 10:50 am

    I am too shy for PDA :'(

  3. The original Beebee

    March 11, 2013 at 11:00 am

    first

  4. Gbemi

    March 11, 2013 at 11:04 am

    I am a firm believer of P.D.F (Public Display of Flirting) i.e. flirting with my lover in public but when we get home we can grab each other with the stored up emotions etc etc etc. However displaying some serious affection in public is just so wrong (for me oh, i am not suggesting any general rule!!!)

  5. her

    March 11, 2013 at 11:12 am

    a quick kiss on the lips or cheeks is perfectly acceptable for me

  6. Neo

    March 11, 2013 at 11:15 am

    Ah, first of forst, this heat is epic yo! i think hell fire is moving to Naija.

    This topic is so apt cos on Saturday i went to Shoprite and saw this old couple strolling in. They were just holding hands, nothing R rated but the intimacy spoke volumes. So i think its ok to show the world you’re in love but please keep it PG. Also if its forced or showy it comes off as excatly that, in church on Sunday this (obviously newly wed) couple were sat in front of me. For the duration of the service, bros had his arm around her neck and it just looked so heavy that my own neck started paining me on sister’s behlaf. Just when i was feeling sorry for her, they switched and she put her own arm around his neck. to top it all when they asked men to celebrate women for Mothers’ day, bros gave her a full on kiss! i wanted to pour ice water on them. Kilode?

    My ex was big on PDA, there was no way u’d see us out in public and not knw we were dating, the brother of right now is another matter entirely. We’d go out and dude is walking two miles ahead of me, the funniest bit is how he’d have to walk back just to tell me something and nag me for walking too slow. For me, I dont have to stamp you with hugs and kisses and ass groping for the world to know you’re mine, i know it and you know it thats all.

    Aint nobody got time for that!

    • adade

      March 11, 2013 at 11:41 am

      Lol

    • OGO

      March 11, 2013 at 12:20 pm

      lol!! u r funny

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      March 11, 2013 at 3:00 pm

      Hahaha! I chuckled out loud @ “I wanted to pour ice water on them”. You’re such a kill-joy :-).

    • ArabianPrincess

      March 11, 2013 at 4:38 pm

      Aint nobody got time for that, Aint nobody got time for that, Aint nobody got time for that…U should be a comedienne

    • ij

      March 11, 2013 at 5:40 pm

      i had tears in my eyes from laughing at your post , u r a basket case honestly , but thanks for a really good laugh

    • Nshina

      March 16, 2013 at 6:29 pm

      Lmao….I had a good laugh reading your comment.

      PDA is fab and all but moderation is key.I could kiss my boo goodbye in public or hold hands and such but I won’t be queueing for popcorn in silverbird for eg and suddenly start seriously kissing. To each his own sha!

    • candyjay

      March 19, 2013 at 8:50 pm

      BUHAHAHAHAHA i fell on the floor while reading this comment

    • Iphie

      March 21, 2013 at 8:38 am

      Neo, you have made my day! Jeeze

  7. enitan

    March 11, 2013 at 11:26 am

    PDA when we are dating? heck no. I’m too sensible for that PDA when we are married? yea maybe. and yes, i’m a touchy feely cuddle person

  8. anonymous

    March 11, 2013 at 11:26 am

    No PDA please

  9. okromouth

    March 11, 2013 at 11:33 am

    awwwnnn..this is such a cute topic..actually had my first real smile for the week. oh well,m a helpless romantic.. i totally love PDAs..havent had the best relas yh,but i knw,when the ryt boo comes my way..hmmphhh,we shall do,nothing Xrated but just show love all d way.
    it gets annoying sometimes though,or well,mebbe a lil display is appropriate..it’s cute though,and even cuter when the couple are hot..

  10. Aint nobody got time for that

    March 11, 2013 at 11:41 am

    As for me, the Height of my PDA is to hold hands or a hug…. Na Cinema u go see rubbish pass…. SMH. I think its INDECENT, there might be kids around… GET A ROOM PLS!! (MY OPINION) onto the next agenda… tainz

  11. ALEXIA

    March 11, 2013 at 11:44 am

    i am a tochy feely person by nature and when i am with my Beau i can’t help myself but hold hands touch his face and sometimes a quick peck on the lips. The funny thing is i don’t do these things on purpose i’m just been me so i think PDA is ok if it is PG

  12. Tiki

    March 11, 2013 at 11:47 am

    I love PDAs, as long as they are not exaggerated. I’ll kiss in public but no tongue please, save that for private. holding hands or an extra squeezy hug is okay, but no groping coz I’d just feel cheap. Bottom line is, the fine line between being affectionate and PDAs is knowing how to express your love without hurting others’ (reasonable) sensibilities – that said, it’s most important to know where you are!

    • Purpleicious Babe

      March 19, 2013 at 1:55 am

      Yh i agree… just a show of affection nothing to extreme that will make me feel uncomfortable.. there is no need for the groping or the tongue kini etc.

      But am good to go with PDA… I have nothing against it, I myself is a No fan of it but I do not condone extremities sha, the one that both couple look.. ewwwwww…. and one is forced to look away in disgust and irritation.

      I think its a western ting, lets call it what it is jor. Growing up in niaj, I rarely saw anything such as PDA but here in the UK the culture is there and it grew over time, over the years influenced by different cultures too e.g. FRENCH etc. I think with time Niaja (Africa) too will slowly adapt as we seem to at everything. I am sure in some parts of Niaj depending on the area, some couple exercise mild PDA like holding hands.

      lifeinstagesdoz.blogspot.co.uk/

  13. Zeebs

    March 11, 2013 at 11:57 am

    To be honest, we weren’t taught showing forth love in public by the society of the 70s 80s and 90s. However, love is to be appreciated. I learnt from me! I love PDAs but wouldn’t acknowledge so. But that was in the past! I am ALL for PDAs now. Afterall, you love this man. Why not tell the world just about how much?

  14. Dimz

    March 11, 2013 at 11:58 am

    I absolutely dont have an issue with PDA, but then, there should be a clear expression of moderation…not when ‘supposed lovers’ are smooshing in public…lil kisses, pecks and all are cool by me…..

  15. fashionandstylepolice

    March 11, 2013 at 12:16 pm

    I am way to shy for PDAs…

  16. abi

    March 11, 2013 at 12:50 pm

    PDAs within the PG rating and touchy-touchy are fine if you are married. But to be doing X-rated PDA with bf/gf? No way! Hian! If you guys don’t get married nko? think of how u are spoiling your market in front of the world especially when you have a parade of 3 4, 5 boyfriends. Its still a conservative society after all.

  17. Gigi

    March 11, 2013 at 1:19 pm

    Abeg, pecks and quick kisses, hand holding, waist holding, e don do.
    But at church, maybe hand holding.
    If we’re at a party with fellow adults then we can dance close and personal. But no grabbing breast or ass or thighs … no “kissing” or bedroom behavior in public abegggg.

  18. Africhic

    March 11, 2013 at 1:24 pm

    I’m to shy for PDA jare

  19. Partyrider

    March 11, 2013 at 1:42 pm

    Some people just over do their own.
    I was on a train one time,and this couple were almost removing their clothes,on the train oh..haba
    I am not a PDA person.we can hold hands,waist holding ehen..all that extra stuff miss me with it.

  20. Tae

    March 11, 2013 at 2:02 pm

    I am very big on PDA, i am naturally a very touchy person and most times i don’t even notice i am doing it. Luckily my man is just the same, we are the couple that leave all the other chairs in a room and i’ll sit on his laps, in fact even my parents are used to it. I remember a friend’s grandparents back in high school, they were well into their 70s and o boy they could never keep their hands off each other even after decades of marriage. They would constantly give each other pecks and she would sit on his laps, even their grand kids were always laughing at them but it was oh so cute. I pray for that.

  21. Isys

    March 11, 2013 at 2:20 pm

    I like PDA but have limits to the extent of PDA i’d engage in personally. Watching other people however, i find amusing and sometimes cute, love is a beautiful thing really, show it if you can *shrug*

  22. RilyNaughty

    March 11, 2013 at 2:21 pm

    I personally love PDA (pecking,holding each other, kissing), it means you’re proud to be with that person and you don’t mind others knowing it. But grabbing boobs and ass is just wrong

  23. Tzatziki _ Sauce

    March 11, 2013 at 2:21 pm

    I for one do not see anything wrong in it…The only thing I have noticed in southwestern Nigeria (where I was born and raised) is that when you do such in public,80% of the by-standers give you one weird look ..like you just took a s**t in their bowl of cereal……they just don’t get it.The only time I saw a couple kiss publicly (save for wedding ceremonies) was at a motto park in Sagamu,the drivers and vendors at the park starred at the couple as if they committed a crime…….I feel PDA is good but the general public need more education in that department and hopefully that’ll lead to acceptance.

  24. PDA Yes plssssss...

    March 11, 2013 at 2:51 pm

    I love PDAs and although some of you think it’s done to mark territories, i think its not..i personally feel that if a couple (married or not) are free and comfortable with each other’s company, there’s bound to be some form of PDA…not the groping and shoving hands down each other’s pants kind of PDA. I just feel it’s cute. I got told off by a friend on my last trip to naija with my partner and how we were all over each other in public places and all that she always tried to sit inbetween us so we dont embarrass her whenever we were out together. lol.

  25. ij

    March 11, 2013 at 3:48 pm

    well there is everything wrong with it on a Monday morning in a packed train and there are 2 idiots within 2 seconds of your face kissing and making irritating weird kissing sounds.
    It was so uncomfortable , i didn’t know where to look , idiots !!

  26. Olori

    March 11, 2013 at 4:01 pm

    In my opinion, there’s nothing wrong with a little PDA. I’m not saying anyone should make it their primary activity when they go out but if you’re out and you get a buzz of affection in your head, feel free to indulge a little bit as long as you’re not being obscene.
    Benefits?
    Makes the pair more affectionate; encourages on-looking ‘bad belle’ to get their own.

  27. Rubynnia

    March 11, 2013 at 4:04 pm

    I’ve got touchy fingers too and I’m a sticker for PDAs but there are some PDAs I won’t engage in because I’ve reserved them for marriage only.

  28. Zayt

    March 11, 2013 at 4:52 pm

    Nothing wrong with a little PDA as long as its not too much. Ex hated it soo much the dude wont even hold hands in public *phew* however present ‘le lover’ is a sucker for PDA( which i dont mind 1 bit! *teethy smile*

  29. Adedayo

    March 12, 2013 at 2:32 am

    PDA? Aint nobody gat time for that

  30. aunty

    March 12, 2013 at 5:10 pm

    moderation is key 🙂

  31. Teetee

    March 13, 2013 at 4:57 am

    I love PDA,holding hands,pecks,quick kisses…but I never overdo it.my ex loved it too,we would be so lost in our own world,not sending anybody….I hope my future hubby would like it. 🙂

  32. Olaleye Olusola

    March 15, 2013 at 9:34 am

    Mild PDA is just fine. Wild PDA on the other hand, i feel is unnecessary, and defiles every sense of modesty.Besides, the body has got to be treated with some dignity. Excessive PDA does the exact opposite.

  33. eniola

    March 18, 2013 at 12:10 pm

    I preach till after marriage abeg and should be limited to holding hands, goodbyes pecks, hugs at most holding d babe’s waist n wrapping arms around d neck. otan.

  34. Marietta

    March 19, 2013 at 4:22 pm

    i love PDAs!! my current bf spoils me with ’em all the time! his hands are constantly around my waist, my chair is his laps, he helps me out of the car with BOTH his hands and a quick peck etc…. i looveeee me some PDAs anyway…. but don’t get it twisted its naija so we are very respectful of people and only reserve the heavy petting and yearning for when we are in the car or home! I miss him already!! 3 more months to go!!

  35. megzy

    March 22, 2013 at 11:22 am

    PDAs are good, but the pple around you should be respected because lot of pple don’t feel comfortable…as for me am too shy for that.

  36. Hot mama

    April 5, 2013 at 6:52 pm

    i lurrvvv PDAs…BUT only with the one ure very sure is the one…hw do u think sumone who’s very touchy and feely in nature with inconsistent bfs comes across to the public #jst sayin#

  37. KENNY

    April 22, 2013 at 1:48 pm

    My hubby really likes PDA and so far he want it, I got no choice other than to be in the same pace with him, afterall I am married to him! I am not in anyway shy about PDA, I love my husband and ready to show him my love anywhere i am; even our kids are used to that just that there is limit we can go when the kids are around.

  38. Kgirl

    April 22, 2013 at 6:57 pm

    @neo, cant help laughing who carry wood, na who neck dey pain. Lol cant imagine couples keeping miles when walking…too bad. I love PDA but with limit. U need no one to tell u we re in love when u see us 2gether.

  39. maria

    July 30, 2013 at 3:57 pm

    i wil touch grab shake in public i don’t care, if you are disgusted close your eye. i ll let everyone know that this on is my own, i don’t see anything wrong in kissing, grabbing or holding beside he is my man. it is just me thou

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