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Isio Knows Better: Things Not To Expect When I Get Married

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This is true. I know better. I lay no claims to being more knowledgeable than anyone, but I do confess that I know better than I did yesterday, last year and a decade ago.

You see, there is this conversation that we all have with ourselves, within ourselves and most times I just listen to mine. So, here’s an introduction to the Isio that is; beneath the surface.

There’s my mind: sharp, witty, caustic, 100% Realist. No nonsense. A ferocious reader; likes to acquire knowledge, highly opinionated.

And there’s my soul: soft, kind, maternal, nurturing, and forgiving. She is the lover, the spiritual one, the deep thinker, very empathic.

And there’s my body: which is where I come in, this vessel, experiencing life. The voice of the mind and soul. Likes beautiful things. Does not like driving, does not like traffic, absolutely detests saliva, sweat and yucky bodily fluids, loves laughing, exotic food and pretty much is concerned with the more mundane things of life. She is the everlasting referee between the caustic mind and the sensitive soul.

This is Isio.

Isio Knows Better is an attempt to capture the shocking and highly entertaining conversation within myself. Now I must say that these conversations happen in various languages, in any situation and underneath a poker face and a hidden smile.

Enjoy!

***
So, I am looking at myself in these gorgeous MAI wedding gowns at the 2013 Dream Wedding event. I am reminded at how thoroughly I listen with fascination when I hear people say/ when I watch on TV… that every girl dreams of her wedding day- and starts designing her dress and picking flowers even before hitting puberty.

I am mildly horrified because I know I had no such dreams. Even now as a grown woman I have watched people go mad planning a wedding. Screaming, breaking out (pimples), sore-throat, fights, drama and 50 shades of palaver.

This is what I know for sure of mine:

– It will be intimate and classy

– I will co-design my dress (of course it WILL be white. )

– Please hire a wedding planner. #ICantShout. Abeg.

And then:

– The wedding and reception had better be in the same place. There is NO WAY in hell I am entering a car plastered with “I DON marry o!” and ridiculous balloons blazing through Lagos heat just to go eat rice in one “hall” somewhere. No way, non possibile, mba o, édjuo! Iyèn k’o ti é possible rara!. (That’s NO in English, Yoruba, Italian, Urhobo, and highly emphasized in Yoruba to stress the gravity of the: THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT HAPPENING!)

Ermmmn, not too many people per favore.

Well, at least I hope so. But this I leave to my husband and his family. If they would rather have 5000 people, then, by God, we will have 5000 people there with my blessings, just as they take into account the few points listed below…

– My bachelorette party is non-negotiable. It is happening. Las Vegas.

Actually, they DON’T really NEED to know this part. Let’s just tell them I’ve gone to ‘‘shop’’ for a wedding dress, or something sensible like that, darling. Of course, darling. Don’t worry. I will be good. I will NOT look at anything or touch anything. I promise!

– Any friend or family member waiting for me to come sell them aso-ebi is on a long thing.

Absolutely no way am I going to Lagos Island to “select” shiny material and start “convincing” people to buy. It’s never going to happen. I am NOT saying you can’t HAVE your beloved aso-ebi, but please please please do not make me do it. I will just start crying here for you now. Yes, it’s that serious.

If my siblings/parents or in-laws like that sort of thing then you have my blessings to “sort” yourselves out.

– Did I mention hire a wedding planner?

Oh yeah, this is really important. Hire someone fantastic to handle the “wedding”, (she reports to me, of course) and leave me to handle my MARRIAGE and pamper my man. This is what I would rather be doing. And kindly remember that this wedding is NOT the end of our celebration. There is still the honeymoon, so please temper justice with mercy before you send us an enormous bill.

– Madam Wedding Planner, it had better be the classiest-most-memorable-and-exquisite-event my guests will have ever had. No Half Measures O! Don’t think because I don’t like balloons you will now do my party anyhow… decorating event “halls” with blue and gold N100 per yard bed sheets- squeezed together to form a big “flaawa”. Tsk Tsk!

#ThisWillBeAll #AnUrhoboWomansSlashScorpioGirlsGuideToAPerfectWedding #keepitdramafree #WeddingDosAndDonts #WillAndWillNot
_______________________________________________________________________________
Isio Wanogho is a top-model, TV Personality and entrepreneur. She is conversant in five languages and has 12 years of experience in the Nigerian entertainment industry. Isio, popularly known by her brand name Isio De-laVega, captivates audiences with her signature wide smile and relatable, quirky personality which endears her to many. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter @isiodelavega

Isio De-laVega Wanogho is a Nigerian supermodel, a multi-award winning media personality and an interior architect who is a creative-expressionist at her core. She uses words, wit and her paintings to tell stories that entertain, yet convey a deeper meaning. Follow her on Instagram @isiodelavega and visit her website: http://www.idds.pro to see her professional body of work.

51 Comments

  1. queeneth

    January 21, 2014 at 12:51 pm

    Lmaooooooo,simply hilarious isio I just love u..nice one

  2. Iyke

    January 21, 2014 at 12:58 pm

    Now you are talking…500 invitees is way too much sef…GF take note….Igba Nkwu…you are OYO. aso ebi et al, you are OYO….traditional wedding et al, you are OYO. How and when I decide to tie the knot,it must be classy,exquisite intimate and modest at a very beautiful and romantic location far away from the maddening crowd.Lake Como,the Alps on my mind.50 guests max.
    Honeymoon, where ever you want,I will oblige you.

    • Thatgidigirl

      January 21, 2014 at 1:51 pm

      Iyke, Igba nkwu is tradition, you HAVE to do it….even if its not a carnival, you just have to pay your wife’s bride price. As for the intimacy and, destination etc i’m with you on that jor, 50 guests max! Anyone that feels the need for a big party can throw themselves one on my behalf while i’m on honeymoon.

    • Que

      January 21, 2014 at 3:04 pm

      He’ll do na, I think he meant sponsoring it…but even that is normally work of d girl’s family… at least d south east n south south ones I’ve experienced. Then mr groom n family handle white.

  3. lade

    January 21, 2014 at 1:12 pm

    it’s like i’m the only one that doesn’t dream of wearing a white wedding dress. cream (maybe off white) is more like it. anyone like me out here?

    • simplyjane

      January 21, 2014 at 1:55 pm

      Lade, i am with you on this one. I would like my wedding dress to be ivory or a very light tinge of pink. Meanwhile this Isio na craze babe! lol

    • memebaby

      January 21, 2014 at 7:08 pm

      you are’t alone..il love a pastel color ,maybe tiffany blue or a dress with gold touches around it..

    • Sandi

      January 21, 2014 at 10:09 pm

      Not only you dear, ivory with a heavy lean on cream. No white.

    • HRS_Cindy

      January 22, 2014 at 11:18 am

      Yuppp! I’ve always imagined cream or champagne…

    • Isioma

      July 10, 2014 at 4:22 pm

      ivory is in style now. People with great taste dont really do white..

  4. Jo!

    January 21, 2014 at 1:39 pm

    This babe is in my head! Everything up there is Me!!! Apart from the white sha, I’m definitely wearing Ivory/Champagne

  5. Que

    January 21, 2014 at 2:53 pm

    I KNEW we were kindred spirits, ur #urhobogirlscorpiowomanattitude #keepitdramafree explains it all, I got both bits…. you have saved me stress of typing I only need to bookmark n forward this page to any person involved in planning my wedding-well sans d vegas bit… #thatsall!

  6. iyanu

    January 21, 2014 at 3:14 pm

    i’m loving this babe…..life is damn too short to die trying to please others. Bachelorette, definately…..wedding and reception, definately……intimate and classy, definately…… In short dont let me write too many words. Isio said it all

  7. natty

    January 21, 2014 at 3:34 pm

    omg!! this is funny. As for me 200 guests max and that’s because I come from a large family. Trad 50 guests.
    There will also be a special IV given at the church wedding to only people that are seated at a certain early in the church. This IV would give guests access into the reception, I don’t want any yeye person that would come to my wedding to eat only small chops and rice. If you can’t come to the church then no rice for you

    • me

      January 21, 2014 at 3:49 pm

      looooooooool! I have always tot about this matter. makes sense will consider it more

  8. Mz Socially Awkward...

    January 21, 2014 at 3:40 pm

    Hehehehehe…. 🙂 Keep it coming, Isio, you’re preaching to the choir.
    (Although… Why Vegas for the bachelorette “parry”? It’s too plastic and generic, bleh. Think of the hoot of a romp you could have in Prague, NYC, Amsterdam or Miami to mention a few…)

    • Old Girl

      January 21, 2014 at 4:32 pm

      Prague or Amsterdam in the summer will be one hell of a hen party!!

    • Isio De-laVega

      January 21, 2014 at 4:55 pm

      Awww, thanks for the comment.
      Well, while Amsterdam and New York were amazing cities, being in Las Vegas and experiencing it – it was just a mind blowing experience. So amazing I barely slept in three days, looool. Honestly though, I think everyone should experience Vegas at least once in their lives if given the opportunity.

      So, here is why Vegas…
      The way I see it, it is the perfect place to celebrate the last days of my “being single” with my best friends, because my life and priorities WILL change, and I will never be the that same person/age again, nor will I ever have that moment again- the moment before being married for the first time.

      #Bless

      🙂

    • Jo!

      January 21, 2014 at 5:23 pm

      Just curious Isio, where and what would you recommend a girl does in Vegas? (this grammar seems funny but *shrug*) Google is my friend, yea, but I’d like to hear first hand. Thanks

    • Isio De-laVega

      January 21, 2014 at 6:59 pm

      @Jo… There is a lot to do in Vegas, depending on your preference. Shopping, dining out, theatre , musicals, lounging etc. If you decide to stay on one of the Hotels on the strip, there are a wide variety of activities, hotels, casinos et al located there. I stayed at the Wynn/Encore and it was huge! There are so many clubs in Vegas with great music. The energy of that city is electrifying. If you are there for just a holiday or to party… Vegas is beautiful!

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      January 21, 2014 at 10:52 pm

      🙂 I suppose you’re one of the ones who’ll go back. I’m more of the “once is nice & enough for a lifetime” school of thought (except, maybe, if there was an option to stay outside the strip and take in other sights). It’s a really stimulating location for a hen party, though, I’ll give you that and here’s hoping you get serenaded at a Boyz II Men or Michael Buble show (or similar), to add to the memories 😀

      @Old Girl, right?? Plan to hit Prague towards the summer, praying it’s an ace trip!

  9. chinwe

    January 21, 2014 at 3:42 pm

    Isio you have just said what’s on ma mind cos me ehh all that struggling to buy aso ebi na lie! i no go do am. mbok wear what you have n come get entertained, ehe also no souvenirs pleaseeeee

  10. Esther

    January 21, 2014 at 4:05 pm

    OMG Isio! – ‘Don’t think because I don’t like balloons you will now do my party anyhow… decorating event “halls” with blue and gold N100 per yard bed sheets- squeezed together to form a big “flaawa”. Tsk Tsk!’ Totally cracked me up.

  11. Zayt

    January 21, 2014 at 4:40 pm

    [email protected] Don’t think because I don’t like balloons you will now do my party anyhow… decorating event “halls” with blue and gold N100 per yard bed sheets- squeezed together to form a big “flaawa”. Tsk Tsk!

  12. Jane public

    January 21, 2014 at 5:05 pm

    I am reading a lot of me, me, me, me, what Isio wants, what Isio wants forgetting that yes the marriage is about just you two but the wedding itself is not. It is a coming together of two families. It is not just about you the bride. If it was, then go to the registry with you and the groom alone and call it a day. Ask those who have gone through this process, you are just setting yourself up for high bp, fighting with your family and his and probably setting the battleground for how they will treat you after the wedding. Even if you have the best of intentions, they may misinterpret it negatively. Yes, you should have a say about the wedding but don’t be so close minded to the point you act like it is a one woman show and your families are just spectators. Learn the meaning of compromise and practise it. If i wanted to be bitchy now, I could say, oh this me, me, me attitude is why you are still single, but I won’t be so close minded because there are many factors involved. When Mr Right does come, remember he didn’t drop from the sky and he will also have a say, besides his family would too because it is also their sons wedding not Isio’s wedding.

    • Iyke

      January 21, 2014 at 11:50 pm

      Can somebody please give this lady a drink.Take a bow lady.That’s wisdom!

    • mama

      January 24, 2014 at 12:34 pm

      jane public please go back to taking your medics…….don’t like your withdrawal symtoms

    • Divad

      February 1, 2014 at 7:09 am

      I actually like what you have said, most young girls these days are all about the me’s….when quite honestly there’s other people involved…finding the balance and making everybody happy and also yourself is what makes you a real wife….because quite honestly the real marriage is after the wedding and you don’t wanna lay a terrible foundation

  13. shes right,our wedding is feb 15 and rather than use the traditional church, we are gonna have a garden setting wedding and all events are holding at the same venue.

  14. Crown

    January 21, 2014 at 5:43 pm

    I seriously love Isio’s dream and her lovely response to Ms Socially Awkward but i totally agree with Jane Public. It all depends on the man/woman u r marrying and his dreams/values. We all had that dream but there’s a place of compromise when it comes to marriage.

  15. kilipot

    January 21, 2014 at 6:22 pm

    I dont want to spend all my savings on a wedding.
    I dont want a white wedding dress/gown.
    I dont want a dress or gown that on person will be holding or packing for me to walk
    I neither want balloons nor “about to wed” plates.
    I probably will be riding in my own car to the wedding, I am not sure I want to borrow or hire sef ( still thinking about it).
    I dont those white abi silver hideous pins in my hair.
    White wedding and traditional wedding are happening on the same day.
    No plenty plenty variety of food, my wedding is not a restuarant.
    If i had my way, there ll be no asoebi o ( but my mum ll never agree).
    I want just 100-150 guests.

    I just want something modest
    I want a very quiet wedding

  16. my wife is Fiiiine!!

    January 21, 2014 at 8:14 pm

    @ Jane Public, Let the Chic dream a lil bit, my wife and i had so many dreams of how we wanted our wedding to be. needless to say we spent more that we wanted to; actually our parents came to our rescue. And so many other compromises that we had to make; i for one wanted the hall locked until we got there, so that those that can like to go straight to hall without coming to church will start to rethink that strategy; but i was told by my wife’s peeps how that may be insulting to certain important individuals. Needless to say i had the decorator cordone of a good number of tables to make sure family and friends that made it to the church had a place to seat at the reception. despite some of the other things that i dont want to bore you with, the day turned out special, romantic, and peaceful. it was a celebration of love. So let Isio dream a lil bit, afterall we all pray to do this once. I am sure she will compromise where she can and should; abi Isio i lie?

    • Sandi

      January 21, 2014 at 10:14 pm

      This is why I will request RSVP and have guest seating already done. Guests will not be choosing where to sit. That way everyone will have a place to sit. If your name is not on the seat, it is not your seat.

  17. frances

    January 21, 2014 at 8:38 pm

    hehehe, funny but true, I also pray for a drama free
    wedding too but Isio, you know where we come from naa? Urhobo babes
    from Delta, only mumsi church meeting members go reach 500 esp if
    na catholic church or God’s grace ministries not to talk of
    relatives and others, then pospsi work people and relatives before
    groom side.. well well, as we want,God go do am for us.lol
    http://imperfectlyperfect92.wordpress.com

    • lulu

      January 22, 2014 at 6:13 am

      Gods Grace Ministries (GGM) big for Warri sha

  18. frances

    January 21, 2014 at 8:42 pm

    hehehe, funny but true, naija weddings wahala too much..
    but Isio pray well o cuz you know as a true Delta-urhobo babe, only
    mumsi church members esp if na catholic or God’s grace ministries
    don reach 500 already not to talk of relatives and popsi people
    before groom side.. keep speaking it though, God go do am..
    http://imperfectlyperfect92.wordpress.com

  19. zsa zsa

    January 21, 2014 at 9:32 pm

    Isio is definitely my kind of girl 🙂

  20. Mrs A

    January 22, 2014 at 5:11 am

    Everyone should chill out.
    It’s not that serious.

    I’ve seen more than a few broken engagements and marriages because people cannot compromise.
    Sometimes it takes the tinniest thing.
    As a successful wife you will have to be a master negotiator and peace maker in your home.
    I suggest you start practicing now.
    All this use of “won’t” “don’t” “can’t” “absolutely not” isn’t the way.

    I wish you all the best!

  21. Soon to be Mrs....

    January 22, 2014 at 8:15 am

    Isio i sooo love this. My wedding is in a few months and am defo trying to keep it aso ebi and drama free 😀 Love the write up.

  22. Anonymous

    January 22, 2014 at 8:20 am

    Sense

  23. Aderonke

    January 22, 2014 at 9:04 am

    Hilarious Isio, well said. I like the fact that u still sound flexible though for family excesses cos in Nigeria that may be inevitable

  24. X- Factor

    January 22, 2014 at 10:55 am

    Wow!

  25. Miss C

    January 22, 2014 at 11:25 am

    Haha I love you already…. Not just because you are urhobo :):)

  26. khoryin

    January 22, 2014 at 12:22 pm

    Gbam!!! Well said!! Like u read my mind. I so loving you on this one.
    “Hire someone fantastic to handle the “wedding”, (she reports to me, of course) and leave me to handle my MARRIAGE and pamper my man. ”
    Lol! Bt true o
    Talkwedding.wordpress.com

  27. tee

    January 22, 2014 at 2:21 pm

    Hmmn funny and good one, but I thought there was a difference between “marriage” and “wedding”… From the title of the article `i thought she wanted to talk about what she won’t expect in her marriage after her wedding or when she gets married. I did not expect to read about what she plans to do in preparation for her wedding and on her wedding day. Marriage is different from wedding…

    • bella dama

      January 22, 2014 at 4:51 pm

      my thoughts as well. @ the end of the write up, i had to scroll up to be sure i ddnt miss any paragraph… funny one though.lol

  28. DAMI

    January 29, 2014 at 11:11 pm

    nice piece, but honestly, the title should have been ‘if wishes were horses’. my wedding is this Saturday and trust me I dreamt like u but sake a few similar details, u really need a lot of discipline, an I don’t care attitude, bullshitting family expectations, fighting with hubby,waging silent wars with inlaws to achieve your dream. let me know how successful you are when ur time does come. until then…’if wishes were horses’

    • Bobosteke & Lara Bian

      January 30, 2014 at 12:41 pm

      Wish you all the best of Christ, Love and Life.

    • Bobosteke & Lara Bian

      January 30, 2014 at 12:48 pm

      I believe in planning for the future but a wedding has not featured on the list so I have no idea what I want or do not want.

      The only thing I can state categorically is that no groom of mine is going to put on any yeye sun shade, whether trendy or obsolete. Why would you be covering your eyes? Have you marry before, ni? What’s with the James Bond wannabe look? I most certainly would not permit it.

  29. Bibi

    February 28, 2014 at 9:07 am

    In my case, its the boyfriend that wants the ceremony. Registry don do me. I’m not a people pleaser so i try to avoid any drama. I gave a limit of 200 – invite only- guests but my mum said that won’t fly (both my parents have 8 siblings on each side so you can imagine). The wedding is not even this year and i’m tired of the details involved. When i finalize date, she wont believe the opposition she will get from me. My guy and I are ready to pay for a certain number of guests. If you want more than that, you pay for them in another location. My wedding shouldn’t let me see red in my bank account.

  30. Isioma

    July 10, 2014 at 4:25 pm

    i did exactly the same thing. Infact, only those that came for the church ceremony knew the location of the reception and no entry without your church prog. Paid off at the end cos my reception was at a restruant. Classy and simple…

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