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Can a Woman Be Childless Yet Happy? Cameron Diaz says YES!

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Cameron Diaz Signs Copies Of Her Book "The Body Book"

Were all females created to be mothers and wives? In many traditions, the answer to this question is a resounding YES. However, Hollywood actress, Cameron Diaz, has a different take on the matter.

The 41-year-old award-winning actress who will turn 42 this year, is neither a wife nor a mother. And that’s just fine with her.

In a recent interview with UK Telegraph Diaz revealed that although she is not a mother, she does not feel childless, as she has many children in her life. 

“I can have a kid any second, if I want. All my friends would be like, ‘Sure, come and get [our kids] them,” she said.

“… I’m certain that if at any point I wanted a child, that child would find its way into my life, whether through adoption, or through being in a relationship with somebody who has a child,” she said.

“I have a lot of girl friends who don’t have children. It’s not like I’m the spinster who didn’t have a child. I just didn’t do that in life, and I’m OK with that.”

She is also not in a hurry to get married. When she turned 40, she told Esquire that she certainly didn’t want marriage while she was in her 20s or 30s. When asked if she would get married now that she’s in her 40s, she said “We’ll see.” 

Another famous woman who has chosen not to marry or bear children is 60-year-old media mogul, Oprah Winfrey, who has been in a relationship with her partner, Stedman Graham, for over 28 years.

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So Bella Naijarians! What’s your take on the matter? Do you think as a woman, it is possible to live a fulfilled life without being a wife/mother?

24 Comments

  1. Theisokogirl

    April 23, 2014 at 12:00 pm

    Its her life and she’s definitely doing what makes her happy.She doesn’t need kids and a man to validate her existence.

    • Anonny

      April 23, 2014 at 2:39 pm

      I agree,Motherhood is not beans,I like the fact that she is honest about it,There have been lots of stories about Mothers killing their children.I wish they could reason like she has done

  2. Motun

    April 23, 2014 at 12:11 pm

    Tough one…

    • tinu

      April 23, 2014 at 12:31 pm

      what’s tough about it? lol. Does she need kids or a husband to feel fulfilled as a human being? She says she doesn’t. Many of our African sisters believe without marriage and kids they are nothing. That’s their opinion (which I disagree with by the way). Cameron Diaz disagrees and it’s her right to. Many of our sisters kill themselves to get married at all costs but too many of them are in miserable marriages anyway. We all have such examples. Be single and happy. It is better than married and miserable.

    • Bella

      April 23, 2014 at 2:23 pm

      mammy thank you o. its an African mentality we were instilled and borne into, but the freedom is not only chains but also of the mind body and soul. If she is happy then so be it rather than a life of regrets, misery and ill-treatment, not every married is happy and not every one single is happy – the only thing to do is make your life worthwhile however that way may be, Be happy NOT EVERY ONE NEEDS kids, animals or a man or woman to be happy!

  3. corolla

    April 23, 2014 at 12:17 pm

    Why is this up for debate?whose business is it if other women are fulfilled or unfulfilled?This isn’t a mathematical formular neither are we in anyone’s soul to know if they are fulfilled or otherwise. There are many women who can’t have kids and have come to terms with their fate.what will a discussion like this do for them?

    • ScarletXianne

      April 23, 2014 at 1:31 pm

      I tire o. First thing I thought to myself was, what kind of question is this?! Ah ah, Bellanaija! If any woman decides that they need a child or husband to be happy or fulfilled na their own be that. But asking, in other words implying that a woman must be married or have a child to be fulfilled? That’s crazy.

  4. Troll

    April 23, 2014 at 12:20 pm

    It’s very very possible;your happiness should depend on you and not on others.
    Personally -if I’m given a choice- I’d choose being a mother without being a wife even though the eye my mother gave me when I voiced this opinion tells me I have no choice. Anyway, I think we’ve passed the age where a woman is expected to be fulfilled through marriage and childbirth. It shouldn’t be a yardstick for a woman’s fulfillment. Life’s too short mehn. Be happy anyway you can.

  5. LotusFlower

    April 23, 2014 at 12:43 pm

    Of course it is possible to be fulfilled without a child. Are we going to act like all wives and mothers are fulfilled? I know a number of women who are wives and mothers. They love their children but they also claim to be unfulfilled.
    Fulfillment is personal. Having or not having a child is not a guarantee that you will be fulfilled.

  6. iyke

    April 23, 2014 at 12:46 pm

    In our society, with all the values and norms, we have “expectations” of what women do and are. And usually, that expectation is that a woman will become a mother at some point, by getting pregnant and giving birth. When that mold goes against the norm, many people feel they have to worry and that is true. A typical naija lady has this deep biological and emotional desire to be a mother …. in her 20s, she already imagined being a mom by the time she’s 40 or at least in her late 30s …. She never imagined she’d be single at 40 talk more of being childless. Life however happens, and life did not turn out as expected.. Sure some of you LADIES can relate to this.
    What is a sister going to do?
    Not mincing words, when you’re over 35 and heartbroken over a breakup with the guy who you hoped would be ‘the one’ or haven’t had a good date in a while or watch your close friends go on to their second or third pregnancy, it’s hard in a country like Nigeria to deal with. It’s so disarming. And sometimes, it’s unbearable. The good news however is that you can still happy for all the other things in your life as being single/childless doesn’t mean you are alone. Yes you can still be happy by choosing to accept and appreciate your extraordinary life,(if you have one) and continue to live your life to its greatest potential. At least I know that fulfilling your professional potential (CAMERON Diaz’s case) can be extraordinarily rewarding.
    So, to all my beautiful sisters out there still single, you honestly don’t have to defend why you are not a mother yet when it’s all you ever wanted to be. I know it may be hard to accept, but KNOW THIS: Love is still ahead of YOU. DON’T settle for anything less. Your desire to be married to someone you are crazy about before conceiving, is a noble thing. And if it doesn’t happen, REMARKABLE happiness can still be found in other aspects of your life. (Honest friends,family,career, et al)

    • Marie Antoinette

      April 23, 2014 at 1:52 pm

      …the gospel according to Iyke! Don’t you ever keep it short?

    • iyke

      April 23, 2014 at 3:03 pm

      am 6ft 2 ..why should I keep it short?

  7. Serendipity

    April 23, 2014 at 2:31 pm

    BN, u shouldn’t ask if a woman can be childless yet fulfilled. One can find fulfilment in othr spheres of their lives. Nigerians and the unrealistic pressures it places on women, conditioning women into thinking that without a man and children that they are incomplete. I cannot speak for other women but for me, I hope to find a good man , start a family, have kids, because these are things that I want. Some women don’t want to get married or have kids and do you know, it is ok. They have their reasons and so long as it is working for them and they are fulfilled, I respect that.big respect to single moms who raise their kids by themselves or who have left abusive relationships. And the men too because it is also hard for them finding good gals. .For me, the scariest thing will be settle, with somone just because. Staying with a man I don’t love or care about because I want to be married or have kids with someone I don’t even fancy. For me, right now, that is the scariest ish. We all deserve love. So while I wait reservedly for my man, I’ll do a good job of living my life, working at my job, taking that leap, seeing where I land, building my career, loving the people in my life, travelling to farflung destinations, falling in love, and maturing everyday. I won’t wait for the stars to be aligned. I will reach up and rearrange them in the way that I want , creating my own constelallation.

  8. Fashionista

    April 23, 2014 at 3:03 pm

    Such a silly question to ask I’d say. Surely BN cannot believe that EVERY woman wants kids?? come onnnnn!!!! There are sooo many forums and discussions blogs that are rife, regarding women that have made this choice. The only reason BN ask’s this question in such a prejudiced manner if I might add, is because as always, the Nigerian society likes to dictate things.

  9. jcsgrl

    April 23, 2014 at 3:52 pm

    I don’t understand the gripe with BN for posing this question for discussion. The discussion is relevant whether in the abroad or in Nigeria. Personally, having children is not for everyone. There are people who cannot handle raising a child or maybe can but choose not to. Its a matter of choice. Whatever you choose, there are pros and cons and you need to prepare for it. Having children is fulfilling for most women including me. Those who choose not to have children still have children around them who they can relate to. Children can be such joy and a blessing. They can make life worth living. However for those who choose not to, I wonder what it will feel like in old age. I’m assuming the couple are married or in some long term relationship. I’m trying to picture a woman in her 70s or 80s with no child around them. I’m not sure life would be soo fulfilling at that time and might be something someone will regret. I’m not talking about having biological children but maybe adopted children or mentees that you impacted over the course of your life. In Oprah’s case, I believe she has godchildren and ofcourse her girls in SA who she can surround herself with and still have the feeling of family at an old age. If you have none of that and age catches up with you, how would your life be? Would you be the grouchy old woman in a nursing home whom nobody comes to visit? My gosh will anybody attend your funeral or even mourn you when you pass? Those are things a woman or man might need to think about concerning the future. If you feel like even in the old age, it wouldn’t matter, hey go for it

    • slice

      April 23, 2014 at 4:51 pm

      imagine if you do all this b/c people told you you’d be unfulfilled if you didn’t and then ghen ghen old age comes and you’re alone anyway – kids have gone to look for greener pastures or married some guy and the same Naija women who told you to have them are now telling them they need to focus on their marriage and no one else 🙁

    • Bundeschick

      April 23, 2014 at 5:59 pm

      There are no guarantees in life Missy. You can still have kids but they don’t outlive you in the case where they die prematurely or simply do not care/estranged. Happens more often than you think. And then what? I’m sure you wouldn’t be feeling that smug anymore. Don’t presume to know what other people would or would not feel in their old age.
      Besides, one must not have biological children to not die alone at old age. There could be a partner/spouse, nieces and nephews, siblings etc. etc. who would be there for you in your old age.

    • jcsgrl

      April 23, 2014 at 8:55 pm

      I hear what you both are saying on the unpredictability of life. I forgot to mention that having children also brings a sense of continuity…something that hopefully outlives you and carries your name or semblance. I would assume that in old age you would want to be surrounded by loved ones biological or not. Like I said, whatever anyone decides they need to consider future implications

    • slice

      April 24, 2014 at 1:06 pm

      i see your point my dear. for those of us who want kids, may God bless us with same.

  10. Miss Bee

    April 23, 2014 at 5:07 pm

    I love how everyone here seems to be of the common mind that a woman really doesn’t need a man or children to live a happy fulfilled life. Personally, I want kids but not right now. My sister doesn’t want any at all or a husband. I wnt to get married and have babies but not because society expects it but bcos that has always been a desire for me. We really do not need men or babies to be happy; we need to have our ish in order and find things to do that actually makes us happy. I’m 28 going on 29 and as much as I want to get married and have kids, I really am not in a hurry. This i sbecasue I know what I will have to give up when I eventually get into my husband’s house. We as a society need to get past this if-you’re-not-married-with-children-you-are-a-failure-as-a-oman mentality. It really isn’t getting us anywhere.

  11. Amiphat

    April 23, 2014 at 5:54 pm

    Truth be told, women today have more opportunities and technology, travel and general exposure gives us more options.

    In the old days, there was a limit to what you could – remember when our mothers were teachers, nurses and secretaries? Even aspiring to become a Doctor was a stretch, if your parents even took you seriously at all. Those who rebelled had a tough time finding “suitable” husbands.

    I’m thankful for the opportunities I have now, the world is a bit more forgiving now to women who decide not to either marry or have kids.

  12. NNENNE

    April 24, 2014 at 4:00 am

    She lives in an organized society, where children do little or nothing for their aged parents. ….There are adult day cares, group homes, elderly living/housing with all of it’s trimmings, meals on wheels, social security, cooling centers and heating centers as needed, home health aids. She sure can do without a child.

  13. Uwandu

    April 25, 2014 at 3:29 pm

    The general question that everyone seem to miss is what’s your purpose in life or why are you here? There is a reason for all to be born and be counted…However, most find it very difficult to believe that the sole purpose in life is to procreate and multiple. Yes, happiness(which is what you make of it) may come in one form or another, but if the purpose is defeated or if that is not met then you as an individual is not fulfill. The bible even said it “go and multiple”. I’m pretty sure most celebrate claim to be happy if their needs can’t be met while deep down they regret it all.

  14. Owelle

    May 1, 2014 at 2:28 pm

    U just spoke my mind. I can’t even mention my thots to my mum. She’ll organise a special deliverance session for me and if that doesn’t work, she’ll knock me out and marry me off while I’m unconcious

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