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Isio Knows Better: Anwuli, the Side Chic

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Isio Wanogho - March 2014 - BellaNaijaI sincerely lay no claims to being more knowledgeable than anyone, but I do confess that I know better than I did yesterday, last year and a decade ago. Isio Knows better is an attempt to capture the shocking and highly entertaining conversation within myself. The conversations between my mind (the sharp witty one), my soul (the lover and the spiritual one) and my body (the playful one concerned with the more mundane things of life). She is the eternal referee between the caustic mind and the sensitive soul. This is Isio. So, here’s to making private conversations public.
Enjoy

***
They said Anwuli was pregnant. They asked us to keep it quiet. We were to help care for Anwuli and keep her focused and positive. Anwuli had had such a rough time of it, they said. Her parents had disowned her and chased her out of their home with a big stick when they found out their daughter had gotten herself pregnant for an Arab man. The Arabian wanted nothing to do with Anwuli. Anwuli insisted she was the Arab’s beloved and bethrothed. The Arabian changed his number and disappeared. Anwuli tried to kill herself- they said. And thus began the chronicles of Anwuli the side chic.

Somehow Anwuli found her way to our university hostel. She was lean and tall with an unblemished ant-hill complexion. She spoke softly until she became excited about something. Then she became so animated I worried that the child she carried could have fetal cardiac arrest (if anything like that existed).

Anwuli was properly cared for. She was after all the guest of my bunk-mate, and I liked my bunk-mate. She was maternal and described as possessing fine qualities which made her “wife material” She could be playful to many but she was also severe. She was extremely dedicated and also very trusting, at least in her relationships. So when her boyfriend (a senior Unilag student) came to her and told her about his down-on-her-luck cousin Anwuli, she obliged him his request and welcomed Anwuli into her life (and by extension our lives).

With Anwuli suddenly in our lives, my bunk mate went all out. She left her narrow single bed for Anwuli to sleep on while she would beg my other room-mates to allow her squat with them over-night. Anwuli was fed rice and meat while we ate rice with boiled egg. We drank garri, Anwuli was fed “Kellogs”. Anwuli would tell my bunk mate she was hungry for things that were difficult to sustain on a student’s budget, and she would get them. Imported powdered milk, burgers, sharwama, snails, muesli, carrot cake, tinned tuna, canned mackerel fish, grilled fish and Yamarita.

Anwuli was a sight to behold while she was sighing and shivering and whispering the flavour of “Blue Bunny” ice cream she needed at that moment. She would touch her forehead theatrically and sigh mightily. She would say feebly amidst exaggerated pauses … “Ah, Please…don’t…let me stress you…..hmmmmm… (insert her delicately touching her fore head and rubbing her tummy) “But you see, Is there any way we can get Spicy Chicken around here?”

And my dear bunk-mate would then go and start looking for Spicy Chicken. Odiegwu

The first thing I noticed about Anwuli was how flat her tummy was. Heck, I did 300 sit-ups daily, yet Anwuli put my “packs” to shame. I had to ask Anwuli herself how far along she was. She said five months. I blinked. Double Odiegwu.
The second thing I noticed was that the boyfriend would come more frequently then that Anwuli was staying with us. He would stroll into our room after lectures and eat the dinner my bunk-mate had prepared or bought for him and then proceed to doze off for a few hours while the women loitered around the room or the hostel until he awoke. She even went as far as buying him provisions and even one time a phone when he lost his.

Fantastic as she was, this roommate of mine wasn’t a great cook. I mean she could cook, but it wasn’t so tasty. So I would cook my special stew for her and she would pass it off to the boyfriend as her creation. I had no problems with that really, it was afterall what friends did. A quarrel ensued one day because she was rushing me and shaking like a leaf in the bush. In her shaky-shaky state she put a bottle of kerosene (we were cooking with a kerosene stove) where I put the bottle of vegetable oil. Long story short, she didn’t believe I mistakenly poured the kerosene inside the stew. I was mortified she would think so poorly of me. True to God, it was a mistake!

A new pot of stew after, Anwuli and the boyfriend ate themselves to a stupor.

Anwuli was with us for a month before we learnt something jaw opening. The roommate had walked into her boyfriend’s room unexpectedly when she saw the abominable. Anwuli nestled on the boyfriend’s laps with Anwuli’s mammary glands strategically positioned in the boyfriend’s oral cavity. They were in cloud 49, lost in Solomonian ecstasy. If you know what I mean. Yawa quickly gassed.

The truth was that Anwuli was not the delinquent boyfriend’s cousin, nor was she ever pregnant. Never was there an Arabian, and dear Anwuli loved life and Sharwama too much to ever consider suicide. She was just the side chic who knew about her boyfriend’s other girlfriend and didn’t care. She was a hustler (like the boy) who decided to play the girl and milk her for their comfort. My roommate after all came from a family of means and they were just playing a con. Anwuli came all the way from Benin and needed a place to stay. Two wicked people connived and used another human being like that.

In hind-sight, maybe my roommate was the side chic. Triple Odiegwu.

I could never understand the depth of cold-heartedness that would allow someone do such a thing to another. Sleeping on your rival’s bed. An enemy from within. An unfriendly friend and a friendly enemy.

As for the boyfriend, I have no words. Men and women like that are the reason why some elites would never frolic beneath their social status, and honestly, after this chronicle of Anwuli, can you say you blame them? You just cannot help or do right by some people.

Still, may God help us all.

And thus ends the chronicle of Anwuli, the wicked side chic.

______________________________________________________________________________________________Isio Isio Wanogho is a top-model, TV Personality and entrepreneur. She is conversant in five languages and has 12 years of experience in the Nigerian entertainment industry. Isio, popularly known by her brand name Isio De-laVega, captivates audiences with her signature wide smile and relatable, quirky personality which endears her to many. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter @isiodelavega

Isio De-laVega Wanogho is a Nigerian supermodel, a multi-award winning media personality and an interior architect who is a creative-expressionist at her core. She uses words, wit and her paintings to tell stories that entertain, yet convey a deeper meaning. Follow her on Instagram @isiodelavega and visit her website: http://www.idds.pro to see her professional body of work.

49 Comments

  1. Temi

    April 1, 2014 at 1:55 pm

    No be today, even me, I don enter 1 chance before, she use me step up, by the time my number 6 came to work, I was so far spent; my consolation? I wasn’t forced, I entered the 1 chance all by myself.

  2. Ima

    April 1, 2014 at 2:00 pm

    Sheer evil! Karma is real though…they’ll get theirs.

  3. http://www.thelmathinks.blogspot.com/

    April 1, 2014 at 2:03 pm

    Reading this was a trip. Isio, beautifully told as always.
    There’s no pain like getting payed evil for your kindness. Something only the kindhearted would understand. I’ve seen it happen, I’ve had it happen to loved ones (my bestie took in her pregnant friend who’s parents disowned her, to live with her aunt’s family. Months after baby was born, friend and aunty’s husband started dating, aunty got thrown out, family intervened, girl got moved out with her baby to a posh apartment and a great job, courtesy of aunty’s hubby. Four years later, the duo are still dating. Aunty has never recovered from it and is now a shell who stays in a shameful and loveless marriage “for the sake of the kids” while hubby flaunts her niece’s former friend as his babe all around town and has taken the role of baby daddy to her little daughter.)
    People are wicked.

    thelmathinks.blogspot.com

  4. eesha

    April 1, 2014 at 2:05 pm

    Quadruple odiegwu!

    • D.i.e or Dr I.E

      June 2, 2014 at 9:55 pm

      Say that again. O-D-I-E-G-W-U. Raised to power 4

  5. Laide

    April 1, 2014 at 2:05 pm

    If I was ur friend..that might have been my first murder!

    • Warri Babe

      April 1, 2014 at 3:19 pm

      And what would you have gained? death sentence? life imprisonment? or the emotional stress? I’ve seen this happen wella especially during my Unilag days and trust me babes still do it!! The only advice is ‘be mega sharp’ or you would end up as the ‘mega mugu’.

  6. selfie

    April 1, 2014 at 2:10 pm

    NA WA OOOOOO!!!!!

  7. Jo!

    April 1, 2014 at 2:11 pm

    Ha!

  8. Neo

    April 1, 2014 at 2:13 pm

    Odiegwu x4! These type stories dont surprise me again. Thats why its good to be coasting on my cloud of “wickedness” instead of doing Mother Theresa. Its easier to deal with being thought of as mean, than dealing with the hurt of beingtaken advantage of. If i dont have some familial type obligation towards you (even then sef na on case by case basis) e go hard oh. Even at that sef! How will i be eating egg and u are finding sharwarma? Ur Arabian prince didnt drop Arab money with me biko, divide and find ur square root please.

  9. Her

    April 1, 2014 at 2:14 pm

    STORY OF MY LIFE!!!!! An enemy from within. An unfriendly friend and a friendly enemy.
    Exactly how I felt when I found out my friend had been screwing, dating and was now inlove with my boyfriend (Ex now). All along I felt they were just cool friends, and even when she would ask about my relationship, I would give her gist, not knowing she was an enemy. One day when she got fed up of being side chic, she boldly told me everything. Yes, I ended the relationship, and she gladly took my place (with her friends cheering her on #SidechicksWinning)LOL. Well, I heard they dated for a longtime n were happy, how wont they be;fellow evil doers. Don’t mean to sound bitter after all this time, but this writing just brought back memories. Wherever u guys may be, KARMA is waiting for you, it may tarry, but trust me,it would SURELY find YOU. *drops mic*

    • Fashionista

      April 1, 2014 at 4:37 pm

      Girl, you have every right to be bitter, so no need to apologise! Sorry that happened to you.

    • Annie

      April 2, 2014 at 8:57 am

      @Hers..ur story sound like something i know only that in this case babe is a schemer..she and guy agreed that there is no string attached, few months later she started asking if it was going some place and guy said nope and she took a walk right into anothers arms with hope that it would lead to marriage? while with this other ex started commenting on another babes post on facebook and ex babe went ahead to befriend this new babe(after all the were colleagues), babe talked abt having a laid back ex and all wo didnt want marriage but wanted sex all the time (all she wanted to do was paint guy bad so new babe doesnt see nothing in him) two years later guy asked new babe out and she agreed, why? cos she doesn’t believe in forming an opinion based on a one sided story..yeah all ex was trying to do was stop the future from happening? lols but new babe knows not to allow schemers who come into her life for the sole aim of stopping the future from happening? yeah she only befriended new babe when she thought ex was warming up to her…in this case she wasn’t and isn’t new babes friend in anyway, she used the new babe in several ways to get info abt ex, lied to new babe and all….if ex babe is bitter abt the new merger formed btw new babe and her ex, sincerely na she sabi…she exed guy a while back before she befriended new babe, dunno how that sums up as new babe snatching? wetin she snatch, ur ex? haba, we all end up with others peoples exes while other people end up with ours……..

  10. ejogene

    April 1, 2014 at 2:23 pm

    Odiegwu really! People are wicked! Sometimes one wonders if being good/nice is worth it.

  11. Ivie

    April 1, 2014 at 2:24 pm

    Odiegwu! Life happens….. That why i seek for the spirit of discernment ! God help us and save us from Unfriendly friends!

  12. Mz Slymm

    April 1, 2014 at 2:59 pm

    Odiegwuuuuuuuuu…….. As Meredith on my fav tv show will say,……..seriously? Are these stories for real? Odiegwu.

  13. Mz Slymm

    April 1, 2014 at 3:01 pm

    Nna See issues.

  14. Dr. N

    April 1, 2014 at 3:05 pm

    Whaaaaaat! Sharwarma! Blue bunny! U too who was cooking stew! People are mean O! Kai! I’m so shockkkkkkkked! Ladies, please, stop enabling. That’s all I can say. Odiegwu! drnsmusings.wordpress.com

    • babysco

      April 1, 2014 at 4:43 pm

      Dr.N im a fan of your blog .menh that blog really encouraged me. i’m closely following your new fiction. pls give it a good ending .kudos to you.just want to give a shout out 🙂

    • Dr. N

      April 1, 2014 at 5:31 pm

      Blushing despite how dark I am, thanks

  15. iyke

    April 1, 2014 at 3:07 pm

    It is no brainer that when someone needed help and they were lying to you, it would be on their conscience but if they weren’t lying and you didn’t help, it would be on your conscience. It doesn’t matter what Anwuli did, your bunk mate chose to help and she did it with a clear conscience, which makes her a good person.
    Isio De-laVega, this is a story for juveniles! Don’t dilute your brand.Write stories that can challenge people to think deeply.

    • ChySparkZ

      April 2, 2014 at 10:54 am

      …And your last sentence was totally unnecessary

  16. chikita

    April 1, 2014 at 3:09 pm

    hewo

  17. chikita

    April 1, 2014 at 3:09 pm

    hewooooooooo

  18. naana

    April 1, 2014 at 3:14 pm

    ………. humans

  19. lol

    April 1, 2014 at 3:15 pm

    Life goes on, if it happens to you, please move on, no time to waste. Bad and goods things happen to people. Its like when you fall ill or have an accident, it is not advisable to go on crying and asking why me. Take it like that. No be today “yansh” dey back. Since the days of Cain and Abel, people have been wicked. If you dey date anyone, no carry man/woman for head simples. The day dem do you bad thing, then you will remember the bible verse that says ” the heart of man is desperately wicked” even yours sincerely.

  20. Que.....glad to have my avatar back!

    April 1, 2014 at 3:36 pm

    Oooooo….. dear lord, I don’t even want to think about what those two deserve!! How can anyone really feel ok doing that to another!! I havent directly been around such dilemas (personal or loved ones) and I hope it stays that way…… I mean worrying about cheating is one thing enough, then this level just has no name…. their karma needs to be instant like hot oil frying both of them while d mammalian glands r in d oral cavity! The story was funny but I couldnt even laugh!! Make I just go dey my corner!

  21. anon

    April 1, 2014 at 3:49 pm

    The laws of nature are not diffrent from God’s laws. simply because God created nature. Whatever you will sow, you will reap. Its just fact. It may not be comforting to the person who has been hurt at the moment, but you know what God just removed you from the worst sort of husband- one who not only cheats, but does so under your nose and with financial extortion to boot!
    Patience is a trait we all have to learn. This is chapter 3 of the story. lets see what happens to sidechick and lover man. Nonsense!!!!
    Never understood why woman are so callous. Its disgusting enough to be a cheater, but you are comfortable sleeping in the girlfriend’s bed?

    • Dr. N

      April 1, 2014 at 5:33 pm

      I lik ur angle. As per reward

  22. mia

    April 1, 2014 at 4:08 pm

    there’s surely a special place in hell for such demons! haba!

  23. Fashionista

    April 1, 2014 at 4:30 pm

    Shet!!!!!! I certainly did not see that coming! You know what, I would actually beat the crap out of the Anwuli girl, you know why? Unlike when people say don’t go after the babe but after your own boyfriend who is the one that was in a relationship with you. Mba oh! This babe benefitted of my goodness, niceness, cooking (good or bad) and my MONEY damn it!!! All that blue bunny ice cream, shawarma and what not isn’t cheap especially as a student. The fact that she came in my face and took all that from me, slept on my bed and all the while she was playing me for a fool, she automatically gave me go ahead to put some hurt on her and that is exactly what I’d do to the bitch!

    As for the boyfriend, no bloody comment!

  24. Bee

    April 1, 2014 at 4:46 pm

    Odiegwu really!!! i am confused who the side chick is but some men can be heartless tho.

  25. titan

    April 1, 2014 at 4:54 pm

    pls what does this “odiegwu” mean??

    • Beht why

      April 1, 2014 at 5:41 pm

      “Na so”

    • Dr. N

      April 1, 2014 at 5:56 pm

      It’s an expression of disbelief, shock, n horror.

    • The Nigerian

      April 1, 2014 at 8:07 pm

      Odi egwu means : it is scary. o di meaning it is, while egwu is fear. Used to state disbelief.

    • Ekwitosi

      April 2, 2014 at 2:44 am

      unbelievable!

  26. Just me

    April 1, 2014 at 5:48 pm

    Too bad, some girls just have the guts, extra sized liver to dare consequences and sleep with their besties man, I wonder what families they come from and what they hope to achieve from all this. This kain one chance make good ladies become beasts, and when you hear stories of ladies bathed with acid, you can understand why. Hell hath no fury than a woman scorned. God help us all o, make I no see this kind if not, only God knows what will happen to both of them

  27. X factor

    April 1, 2014 at 8:20 pm

    Whaat?

  28. Sommie

    April 1, 2014 at 8:36 pm

    Heyyyyyyyy…I’m shocked at Isio’s story and triple shocked at Thelma’s story.Thelma,what did your friend do?Let the chic go like that?

  29. s.t

    April 2, 2014 at 5:34 am

    Please, can someone tell me her(iso’s) blog name or websites where i can get more of her stories or articles. Thanks in advance.

    • Isio de-laVega

      April 2, 2014 at 11:44 pm

      Hi s.t!
      Unfortunately I do not have a personal blog at the moment, but a website; idds-zendesign.com and social media accounts like Facebook and instagram.

      However, BN does a fantastic job of cataloging all IKB published articles if you would just type in Isio Knows Better in the search bar above.

      Thank you for reading.
      Warmest regards.

  30. ChySparkZ

    April 2, 2014 at 10:29 am

    …And your last sentence was totally unnecessary

  31. Teni

    April 2, 2014 at 2:08 pm

    Odiegwu is right, and Karma is definitely gonna catch up with them though the babe will be too hurt to even want to think that! I hope they get their rewards sha cos they were just wicked to her

  32. frances

    April 2, 2014 at 11:29 pm

    wickedness of man.
    real wickedness oh

  33. UB40

    April 3, 2014 at 3:20 pm

    Thelma u see that your friend’s anty tell her not to be sad. All she needs to do is pay a butcher to visit that side chic, cut off the fingers of one hand and the toes of one leg, also cut off one ear and scrap all form of hair from her head and remove her under lip. As for the husband just look for his house, land, company and car papers and make sure she clears his account. Useless and ungrateful side chic by the time am done with her and the man dat love will disappear from their head nonsense people. Am so pained and angry for that woman.

  34. funmilola Adebari

    April 8, 2014 at 5:03 pm

    eeyah!!!

  35. Adaora

    May 20, 2014 at 8:22 pm

    Wowwwwwww

  36. PennStudent

    July 6, 2014 at 4:03 am

    The sort of punishment that awaits annuli and the boyfriend Ehnnn!!!!!!

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