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Victor Akunna: Keeping the spark of Romance



It takes only a few minutes to get married, but a life time to build a marriage”  – Dr. Myles Munroe.
It is amazing how we sometimes stop the chase after the exchange of the wedding vows. This leaves one wondering if slipping the ring through the ring finger is synonymous with the loss of motivation. Sometimes couples express their frustration about the level of apathy and nonchalance displayed by their spouses as regards making their marriages work.

I heard a story sometime ago. This lady was chased for about 2 years by her fiancé at the time. After constantly wooing her, she said “yes”. During this period, he made all kinds of promises just to win her heart and love. Soon after they got married, she had to resign from her job to become a full-time housewife because of the conflict of interest with her husband’s job. She soon started to complain about her husband being away for the whole day, without calling or checking up on her, even while she was pregnant. This was a guy who would often call, text or ping her every 20minutes before they got married. Do some guys see their wives as another trophy on the marital cabinet?

On the other hand, some guys often complain that their wives seem to abandon them as soon as the babies start arriving. It is as though she experienced a personality change. She suddenly seems irritable, snaps at the slightest provocation, and looks untidy with stains of breast milk all over.
Personally, I wonder who is more liable for this ‘cancer’ eating up the fun and excitement within marriages. However, one thing I am certain of is that it takes two to tango. Marital romance, like anything of value, it demands work, time and creative effort to get off the ground. The only marriage we get, if left to chance, is a boring one.

I thought I may throw in some thoughts for spicing things up:
1. Valentine does not have to be once a year- you decide how often.
2. Don’t wait for a major crisis, such as an affair, to get things right.
3. Get into your spouse to find out what works (what he/she finds romantic).
4. Consider activities that help you spend time together- hobbies, sports, shopping, bathing, cooking, seeing movies together, etc.
5. Write sneaky notes containing inspirational and sexy words to be concealed in places where ONLY your spouse will find them.
6. Send the children to their grannies, and take a weekend off together.
7. Spice up your sex life by trying out some adventurous moves; routine kills excitement. (Caution: it must not degrade your spouse, injure them or go against their consent)
8. Don’t push the responsibility of being romantic to your spouse. A healthy competition here won’t be a bad idea.

You don’t need to have a fat bank account to do some of these things. Being romantic is not a natural gift; it is a skill anyone can learn.

Finally, it is not always what you do that restores your marital romance or makes your spouse respond, but the message your action communicates; which is that you value the marriage and your spouse enough to pursue an intimate relationship with him or her.
Make your hubby/wifey feel ‘hot’ again.

“Relationship is a living organism, how you nurture it determines how it will grow.”

Photo Credit:

Victor Akunna is a UK based Relationship Coach, and a member of The Coaching Academy, UK. He is focused on helping individuals, couples and companies build sustainable and valuable relationships with key stakeholders. He and his lovely wife, Chidi, run The Foundation for Family Affairs. You can follow him on BBM PIN 73E8821E


  1. naana

    May 30, 2014 at 9:08 am

    i believe communicating with your spouse and learning what works for the both party is another way of keeping romance burning.
    as you rightly said that exploring and learning is another key.
    as soon as some people get married, they have the notion that there is no need to spice up their relationship because the ultimate goal has been achieved.

  2. Nana

    May 30, 2014 at 9:58 am

    I think men are more guilty of this because when a woman loves she loves completely. This makes her go all the way to give her love, her heart and her body.

  3. Miss pee

    May 30, 2014 at 10:04 am

    Pls bella where is the LIKE button? Write up so precise and on point

  4. Theresa Omoronyia

    May 30, 2014 at 10:40 am

    Thank you Victor. “The only marriage we get, if left to chance, is a boring one.” So true!

  5. Kiks

    May 30, 2014 at 11:19 am

    my father needs this!!!

  6. bunmi

    May 30, 2014 at 1:13 pm

    nice piece.thanks.

  7. Joke

    May 30, 2014 at 5:11 pm

    I’m in a three month old relationship and my guy has never told me he loves me but he acts like it in a funny type of way that its so difficult to decipher. Red flag maybe?

  8. fashionandstylepolice

    May 30, 2014 at 5:29 pm

    Good reminder.

  9. Love Angel

    May 30, 2014 at 7:22 pm

    @ Joke if he is not saying he love you, its either he is having a second thought or he is too shy. But what is the whole point of the relationship in the first place?

  10. LauraT

    May 30, 2014 at 8:36 pm

    I think men like to play games. Joke if he is not saying anything after 90 days its either he is having a double mind or he is dumb.

  11. Iluyemi Oluwasindara

    May 30, 2014 at 10:55 pm

    A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage. 1 must take his/her time 2 study d oda party and we also nid God’s divine intervention and guidance b4 venturing in2 marriage.

  12. Joe Tall

    June 1, 2014 at 5:58 pm

    Guys, what do you do if your wife enjoys spending time with other people, work, school more than she does with you. I feel like all I get are left overs especially when she is exhausted. Every time I complain, there seems to be one excuse or the other which ends up making me feel guilty about talking. Please, what do I do?

    • Tade

      June 2, 2014 at 11:13 pm

      Sorry keep saying and doing what you feel is right. Seem you care more about your wife than she to you many more men are victims. But try and make it work unfortunately no one listens to a man until things spin out of order and the woman decide to talk then the blame will be on you you are needed not loved bro.

  13. olamiti temitope

    June 2, 2014 at 8:23 am

    This will really help, thank you Akunna.

  14. Me Full Ground

    June 4, 2014 at 9:49 am

    Great write up. It is as it should be. Effort must be made on both sides otherwise things would go out control and resentment can set in. It should not be one-sided, both parties must be committed to enjoying the romantic and sexual relationship and compete to please each other.

  15. Odekanmi Benedicta

    June 8, 2014 at 9:25 am

    Awesome write up..
    Thanks for sharing

    Please check out my articles @

  16. patience

    July 2, 2014 at 8:04 am

    Nice writeup tanks

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