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Kunmi Omisore: The Theory of (Love &) Everything

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As soon as I saw the trailer of The Theory of Everything, I knew I had to see it. Without going into much detail, it’s a film based on an autobiography written by Jane Hawking, Steven Hawking’s wife of many years. It was brilliant; made me laugh, anxious and sad, all at the same time. But most importantly, it made me question the parameters of love.

Jane Hawking, a woman I promptly added to my Great Wall of Respect, spent a great part of her life devoted to taking care of her husband, who had a motor neurone disease. After three children, lots of tears and an incredible amount of selflessness, she realises she wants to move on. It made me wonder… At what point does selfishness become more than an indulgence, but a necessity? If you choose to move on, does that mean it’s not love at all?

If I’ve learnt anything from my personal relationship with God in the last few years, it’s that love is not a feeling; it’s an active decision. And so I understood this, or am in the process of understanding this – being that I’ve had to consciously reverse the damage Hollywood has done. But while watching the film (honestly, my mind never stops), I myself had to question where – if there is – the line is between Love and Let Go.

It’s such a difficult question to answer because couples are vastly different; there’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to relationships. But is it a case of accepting that some people are only with you on this journey of life for a specific time, and they need to get off at the appropriate stop? I’m of the opinion that this generation is far too desirous of instant gratification. The same way we want our web pages to load at the speed of light is the way we want hassle-free relationships without the effort that goes into achieving it. However, is it worth acknowledging and accepting that some things – great as they are or were – have an expiry date?

When is enough enough, or does that apply to everything besides love? Is letting go sometimes the better option, despite how bad it might make a person look? Or, could it just be the Lazy Man’s excuse for giving up?

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Michael Zhang

Kunmi Omisore is a non-award-winning opinionist, currently living the life of a nomad. She believes in the power of words and the importance of people being able to express themselves. She is presently trying to make sure she doesn't end up penniless. Follow her on Twitter @Kunmi_O for more stimulating conversation and high levels of weistfulness.

15 Comments

  1. HAWTTALKWITHTOSAN

    January 14, 2015 at 6:19 pm

    Call me a hopeless romantic but I believe that TRUE love is selfless and has no expiry date. Having said that, I have never seen this type of love. I hope in time of test my relationship will pass. Perhaps that of a mother for her child is the truest I have seen.

  2. *Real* Nice Anon

    January 14, 2015 at 6:35 pm

    You know no one knows these things. When we marry someone one essentially signs up for ANYTHING. It’s a perfectly wrapped gift filled with sometimes good and sometimes downright awful. We can all shout “God forbid!” all we want but life will happen. Sometimes is pours and often times life is really amazing! Good times come and go but so does bad. In the end really, I just pray for the strength to handle whatever challenges life will throw my way. I enjoy life the best I can. That is all we can do.

  3. bruno

    January 14, 2015 at 7:20 pm

    I haven’t seen the theory of everything but thank you for ruining it for me. you could not put spoiler alert.

    • D

      January 15, 2015 at 11:28 pm

      Kpez I have to agree, you could have put SPOILER ALERT on it LOL!!

  4. juliet

    January 14, 2015 at 8:12 pm

    I disagree with you on the “Mother love to her daughter/son” My Mother is happy when her kids(us) fail in life, be school, job, relationship be anything. She wants her kids to suffer so that we can depend on her and then treat us bad in return because now we are depending on her. Luckily, we are amazing kids, we work hard and we support each other. If my Mom dies today and I’m abroad I will not waste my airfare to burry her. I will go to church and say a prayer to my sisters and brothers, that we become strong and more successful. And to thanking God for reducing our pain.

    • tunmi

      January 14, 2015 at 9:26 pm

      Damn….wow. Why is she like that?

    • D

      January 15, 2015 at 12:16 am

      Wow this is some deep isshh…Are you sure you don’t need an Aunty Bella column? My Mother is far from perfect but really not wanting her kids to succeed, that is extreme. I will say a prayer for you and her. Are you sure she is ok? and if yes, Are you sure you are not mis understanding her?

    • chifire

      January 15, 2015 at 3:44 pm

      Juliet, Pls let’s hook up, we re on d same plane here.

    • Mz Beehave

      January 15, 2015 at 7:22 pm

      Oh wow! This is cold but I am sure you know why you are saying this. I hope that you guys can sort out whatever issues are existing between you and please try to find the strength or grace to forgive and forget.

  5. Myne Whitman

    January 14, 2015 at 8:12 pm

    Spoiler Alert! I hope for a good review and convo on the movie not details of everything. Pshewww…

  6. Adenike

    January 15, 2015 at 12:16 am

    I know what it feels like to be in a relationship, give it your absolute all, and it does not turn out the way you want it to. Based on all my relationships, I’ve never had a better ex (meaning that the present treats me better than the ex did). And I have learnt a lot from all those relationships. One of which is YES! People have expiry dates in your life. For me, each former relationship taught me something useful which I applied in the present one. It’s not like I didn’t love any of them, because I’m a really dedicated person when it comes to relationships. However, you can love someone but you should not, can not or don’t have to be with them. You can’t be with everyone you love, doesn’t mean you love them less. Eg. People in abusive relationships, love their partners but should they be with them? In this “theory of everything” case, I’m sure she lost the fulfilment she derived from her relationship, and that’s where the big issue usually is.

  7. always happy

    January 15, 2015 at 1:56 am

    LOL Juliet’s comment just reeks of some detrimental brain washing. I hope somewhere in the reasoning you and your mum employ, relying and dependence on God is factored in. So when she is called home your inability or choice to fly home won’t be one made out of justification, selfishness or worse still a regret only you will live with, because as you know we all grief and deal with grief differently, even your siblings.

  8. Ure

    January 15, 2015 at 7:57 pm

    The first one month or there about of my marriage was the most difficult time of my life. I had never experience such trial, I was also pregnant, at that point i called a lawyer to find out the process of getting my marriage annuled and i wanted to go for an abortion. God,friends and family talked me out of it and now when i look back i realise that walking out of my marriage and getting rid of my baby would have been the biggest mistake of my life.

    My point? trials and tribulation will surely come (see John 16:33) bt giving up is never the answer or best thing to do no matter how diffcult,. that is why we must hold on the God. God is the pillar that got me through that dark phase of my life and he is the pillar of my life. A personal relationship with God will get you through anything.

  9. omab

    January 16, 2015 at 11:28 am

    I have never seen that kind of love Jane showed. She didn’t decide to move on, Steven fell in love with his doctor who he divorced Jane to marry, its possible she would have still stayed back with Steven if that did not happen. Am glad he gave her room to also experience love. I learnt from her that love isnt just a feeling but a way of life. Steven’s life is just a miracle from God he experienced through Jane and am sure someday he will understand that (thats if he doesnt already)

  10. Omoté

    January 16, 2015 at 12:41 pm

    Love is a choice n it requires a lot of working at. Life happens n u suddenly realise those rose-coloured spectacles u’ve bin wearing are blurring ur vision. By the way, all diz pple don spoil d movie 4me *sad face*

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