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Winifred Adebayo: 5 Reasons Why a Break Up May Feel Like the End of the World

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It starts with the hair-net parade, followed by a pact not to bath, couch camping and finally the house swimming with tissue paper from tears. I’m sure the men have an interesting equivalent of how break-ups are mourned.

One thing remains the same: a good number of relationships end with at least one party feeling like their world has ended. What’s more heartbreaking is this suicidal-break-up becomes a pattern in people’s lives. So, here are five reasons why a break-up will definitely feel like the end of the world.

Forfeited Dreams
During that honeymoon stage of a relationship, not everyone knows how to differentiate between a compromise and a stupid sacrifice. Whenever, you give up an ambition, a career, or an aspiration for a relationship you ASSUME is altar-bound, you have made a stupid sacrifice. If that relationship fails, the years you gave up and the opportunities you let slide will either never come back or take a very long time to come back. Those forfeited dreams will definitely make a break-up seem like your world has ended.

Lost Identity
Lost identity is attributed to this pseudo-married complex that is rampant today: when people perceive themselves as a person’s spouse, while still single. As a result of this misplaced self-image, the decisions made, the friends kept, the places visited, and everything around becomes built around the boyfriend/girlfriend. The result is simple: since that relationship/person has become the pillar that holds your life, when that relationship/person goes you will fall into pieces. The break-up will make the obvious clearer; you have no life without the person.

Premature Steps
As subjective as this may seem, there are actions that are taken too early in a relationship that can cause a break-up to hurt a lot more. Whether it takes six months or six years, there are things that should only be done when two people are clear to a certain extent that their futures merge. To mention a few – social media publicity, attending intimate family events together, and any form of financial agreement should only take place when there’s no doubt on BOTH SIDES that this is a life-time journey. If any of these happen to early and one party walks away, it hurts a lot more and is harder to deal with.

Sex
I am fully aware of the arguments that exist on this issue, and I know there will never be a resolution. Regardless of what we think or choose to believe, there is no relationship that sex doesn’t add an extra layer to. The intimacy shared in that union is not one that can be overshadowed with logic and many words. In the comfort of our solitude, we all can attest to the fact sex is one of the best gifts to humanity. When shared with someone who has made no legal commitment to you that break-up will really hurt.

Dependence
The moment a relationship/person makes you feel better about yourself, and/or meets your basic needs (food, shelter, and clothing), there is TROUBLE. If that relationship ends, you’ll feel really lost.

It’s true ‘relationships’ are a compulsory yet seemingly complicated part of life. However, when people embrace themselves as individuals and make God the center of their lives not human beings, they fare a lot better. A relationship should add value to you not define you. Break-ups happen for a multitude of reasons. Most times they bring pain but it shouldn’t always feel like life has ended.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Michael Zhang

Winifred Adebayo was born is Rivers State. She is a registered nurse and working on a PhD. She loves to write; it’s her form or art, designed with self-expression, experiences, and fiction. She blogs at www.winiesworld.com

10 Comments

  1. Ebony

    February 24, 2015 at 1:53 pm

    Opening line “It starts with the hair-net parade”
    BN, pls stop using this girl and her hairline for your illustrative pics :p
    It’s distracting.
    Very true and relatable article.
    A lot of times I believe things happen to me and I have to go through different experiences so I can talk to my kids (especially the girls) in future.
    I wouldn’t come across as distant when giving advice, and I’d have foresight for them, thanks to hindsight from my experiences

  2. esin

    February 24, 2015 at 2:36 pm

    “‘a relationship should not define you but add value too you”” thanks alot.

  3. chi-e-z

    February 24, 2015 at 4:25 pm

    Break ups = Break down and Make ups= waste of time. I’ve resorted to dying alone …

  4. nene

    February 24, 2015 at 5:55 pm

    great article

  5. very well written.
    walejanainspires.blogspot.com

  6. Rukamina

    February 24, 2015 at 7:19 pm

    Awesome read. Baby girl focus. These boys don’t love you. Get money.

  7. Tobi

    February 24, 2015 at 10:32 pm

    I understand the fact that this is tough and no one really wants to say it. Don’t have sex with someone you are not married to. Avoid bad memories, Don’t give yourself away. Sex is not a joke it’s a great bond and makes it hard to detach. When I went through a break up, I was so happy I didn’t have sex. Though I was hurt, everyone around me asked me just one question. Did you have sex? Once they heard no, they said move on girl. Thank God I am happily married with kids. Like I said, it’s tough but having sex with someone you are not married to will destroy your self image after a break up. Run away from it. Carry yourself with such dignity that anyone who wants the benefits should put the ring on, a lot of people think they can keep their partners that way, that’s the common lie, because if that was true, we won’t have break ups then since sex is enough. I remember a girl who gave in to her fiancée a week to her engagement due to serious pressure. Guess what, the guy still broke it off. I could not understand it. Stop letting someone else play on your emotions by saying ‘if you love me, you will let me’. A person who wants to strip you off your treasure will never approach you like he or she is wicked.

    • Tola

      February 24, 2015 at 10:44 pm

      My own deterrent is shocking. When I was younger, my mum told me about the mixed school she went to. Girls from an only girls’ school nearby had to do exams at her school so the boys at her own school will ignore them to mingle with those girls. After their adventure, they will sit on a round table and discuss every single detail of their escapade. Honestly that deterred me, I was too proud to allow myself to be talked about that way. Does it not sound better to say ‘oh she is one of the youngest entrepreneurs of our generation or graduated Summa Cum Laude. The world will tell you that you have to but you don’t have to because everyone is doing it. There is something about your purity that makes you even more attractive. My gorgeous cousin (for real) is getting married in April and I am so excited about it. Why? because she kept her purity. To me that’s an exceptional display of beauty and brain. You are beautiful or handsome yet your emotions are in control which makes you beautiful not only on the outside, but also on the inside.

  8. Eva

    February 26, 2015 at 11:51 am

    I have never commented on BN before, but this really got to me as i for one dnt really believe in having sex with someone you are not married to or have plans to marry you cos sex is way beyond the physical, it is also a spiritual bond.,that way makes you so attached to d person. so in order to avoid heartbreak, i have always stayed away from sex and it has really helped me alot no matter how much i’m into d person i try to control myself cos i had to break up with a guy who started acting funny cos of my refusal to have sex with him and i really loved dis guy but it never took me long to get over him only for me to find out he got engaged weeks later but been planning to finally have sex recently with a guy whom am madly in love with due to the pressure from him and friends telling me he will love me more if i have sex with him but not even sure if he actually loves me d way he claims . bt thanks to this article which just helped me reset my brain cos i believe if he is actually d one for me, he will respect my choice to wait and first put a ring on d finger.

    • Toyin

      February 27, 2015 at 12:05 am

      Keep it up Eva. If you guys eventually get married the respect will skyrocket but once you let him, complications will come in. He’ll start telling you things he’ll never tell you right now, Somehow he will assume control. My fear for you is this :what if he breaks it after having sex. It happens to men a lot. They love you so much, but once they get there, something in their system rejects you. And as per the guy who left you, he is not serious. A man who is crazy about you will be so much in a hurry to put the ring on. One man had to wait for the girl to complete her education, he wanted her so seriously. Let that man be. I remember the girl who had sex with the man that eventually married her cousin, this girl hates family reunions. She gave in and yet the guy left her. She believes that’s the most foolish mistake she’s made in her entire life. Girl keep it, don’t let them take your treasure. I married as a virgin and guess what I am not ashamed at all, still my pretty, sophisticated and educated self, all that didn’t make me lose my treasure. Keep it

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