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What is the Price of Your Unpopped Cherry?! | Some Gist + Battabox Video

Atoke

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I was minding my business earlier on today when my friend sent me a message, saying she had been reading stories on the Motherhood In Style Facebook page. So, she posted one particularly interesting one for me to read.

The complainant listed a number of issues going on in her marriage, and she said something which struck me: This is the man that I reserved my virginity for, see what he is paying me back with.

That bit was funny! I wondered when women were going to stop seeing virginity as a chattel – something to be gifted. In the case of this woman, she believed she had been wronged by someone she gave this gift to. You know, kinda like… I gave you a Swarovski earrings and here’s what you repaid me with.

Anyway, if you’re a BellaNaija faithful, you’ll know that all matters related to virginity seems to get all the gears going at full throttle.  I’m probably going to get flack for saying categorically that ‘Hymen, Not Chattel’, but let’s leave that matter for a quick second.

Read the story below:

HELPLINE: Please post only comments that are useful, helpful, constructive and practical.

I’m married but still TTC. The problem is that “pictures and phone numbers of my husband ex-girlfriends are still with him. After our wedding, I told him to dispose the pictures including their mobile contacts but he refused and warned me seriously never to waste any of those pictures. These are people he told me he decided not to marry any of them and nothing will join him with them again due to reasons best known to him. Last month, I collected the pictures of these four different girls and tore them without his knowledge. He’d warned me not to touch them or he’ll burn my own pictures. Last week, he discovered that those pictures are no longer in the album. He confronted me but I told him I know nothing about them. Since then, things have been bsf between us. He doesn’t pray with me anymore, we don’t talk to each other and he hardly respond to my greetings. This is the man that I reserved my virginity for, see what he is paying me back with. My heart weeps day and Night for the way I am being treated by him. Please, I need your opinion and advice on how to handle the situation because i have vowed not to apologise to him as he has denied me of my respect and dignity as the woman of the house. All that is coming to my mind now is divorce since I’m worth nothing to him. Please no insult, thank you.

Okay, so we’re now on the same page. Cool?

So, I got busy with the events of the day and I swiftly forgot the lady who wanted to divorce her husband. But you know how they say the spirit moves…

I strolled over to YouTube and guess what caught my eye? A Battabox video!

Ding! Ding!! Ding!!!

Guess what Adeola, the presenter, was asking Lagosians? “Can Nigerian men pay more to marry a VIRGIN?

The responses… HILARIOUS! I’ve laughed so hard, I’ve got tears running down my face.

Check it out here:

Okay, now you’re done watching… please share your thoughts. What is the value of your unpopped cherry/unpolished knob!?

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Bevan Goldswain 

You probably wanna read a fancy bio? But first things first! Atoke published a book titled, +234 - An Awkward Guide to Being Nigerian. It's available on Amazon. ;)  Also available at Roving Heights bookstore.Okay, let's go on to the bio: With a Masters degree in Creative Writing from Swansea University, Atoke hopes to be known as more than just a retired foodie and a FitFam adherent. She can be reached for speechwriting, copywriting, letter writing, script writing, ghost writing  and book reviews by email – [email protected]. She tweets with the handle @atoke_ | Check out her Instagram page @atoke_ and visit her website atoke.com for more information.

84 Comments

  1. deb

    May 20, 2015 at 12:30 am

    Bruno&Ada nnewi where r u guys? Virginity is ignorance #dead LOL

    • Ada Nnewi

      May 20, 2015 at 11:19 am

      I’ve had a busy morning…i’ll be right back in abit with a proper comment 😀

  2. imose

    May 20, 2015 at 12:49 am

    Just here to read comments…. Hiiiii

  3. onetallgirl

    May 20, 2015 at 1:04 am

    Virginity is ignorance!?!!?! Really a#@$ hole! Just because a virgin values herself, and only wants to give herself to one man,( her husband), instead of opening her legs to any man who walks up to her and says she’s pretty doesn’t make her ignorant.

  4. cindy

    May 20, 2015 at 1:46 am

    I honestly don’t get the point of this article. One thing I’m sure of though is that the comments will be full of virgin-shaming. In as much as I’d say keep your virginity for yourself and your God and not any human being, the reality is that there is this sense of assurance and fulfilment knowing that your significant other knows and respects the fact that you’ve only been with him or her. At least for the fact that it saves him or her from worrying about your exes and their pictures in your photo album. I understand the woman’s point maybe she just worded it wrongly. No need for the author to sound so condescending. Virginity is not an achievement to you, it is for some others. Leave them be.

    • Nkiru

      May 20, 2015 at 9:07 am

      I concur with you @ Cindy! For God sakes what is the world turning into? Pls ladies and fellas, keep your virginity if you are still one and never let anyone look down on you for that! You deserve an award for that! And only God can reward you for that! even if your hymen has been broken, you can still decide to be a vigin till marriage! Am quiet disappointed in you Bella for looking down on the pride of womanhood! Even if her husband does not cherish her, she still has her testimony that she can share with others! Keeping yourself for marriage shows me a strong and disciplined woman!

    • Future/past

      May 20, 2015 at 11:38 pm

      “Pride of womanhood” please can you stop? Who made these rules for crying out loud? How can you say a woman’s pride is in her virginity? What of those that were raped or peer pressured into sex, so they have no pride now? Please let’s draw a line between what God wants from us and our opinions a on a matter. You don’t get a prize for being a virgin as evidenced by the lady who wrote the complaint. Do good because that’s what God wants from you. You may never be rewarded for doing it on earth but do good anyway.

      In my opinion people who shame virgins and people like you who attach a woman’s worth to her virginity are the same. Youre not helping anyone. You guys do more harm than good.

    • oo

      May 20, 2015 at 2:45 pm

      being a virgin when you marry doesnt mean there are no exes in the past nor their pictures in your photo-album #justthottopointthatout

  5. nnenne

    May 20, 2015 at 1:48 am

    Virginity should not be flaunted or looked at with disdain.
    Do whatever your religion, values approve of. Not just to make prince charming proud. Life should be about you too.
    Am pretty sure that teenagers read this blog. Let;s not create the impression that sleeping with Tom ,Dick and Harry is the only way to marital experience/ bliss.. Casual sex comes with consequences too…emotional, physical etc.
    Sometimes, excellent workers are hired without experience.

    Whatever rocks your boat…

    • TA

      May 20, 2015 at 6:53 am

      @ nnenne thanks babes. Just to add to your last illustration that no worker is born with experience. Everyone has had to learn on the job.

    • Tsarah!

      May 20, 2015 at 11:54 am

      I’m so stealing that last quote

    • Tosin

      May 21, 2015 at 7:36 am

      on the job training! ngwanu.

  6. chi-e-z

    May 20, 2015 at 2:04 am

    Hmm Virginity is important oh as in the day you lose your virginity is the day you realize that sex dey only sweet man 😀 … so to spear yourself being asexual keep it… But that woman really cross the line tearing pictures because I’ve pics of people I dated b/c we’re or were friends some of those people shaped me into a stronger and better person for the right person. I’d hate if anyone tore up those memories or any of my memorabilia.

    • NIRA

      May 20, 2015 at 10:12 am

      “sex dey only sweet man”?? really??!!! I wonder whom you’ve been having sex with. Please I hope you’ll not teach your children that. Sex is to be enjoyed by both man and woman biko!!!

    • Anonymous

      May 20, 2015 at 1:28 pm

      you are an ODE. didn’t you read what she wrote. Gosh Nigerians are freaking annoying

  7. cindy

    May 20, 2015 at 2:04 am

    The ignorance though. See the one that said he thinks virgins are not exposed or that they are virgins because they didn’t get the opportunity not to be. So somebody cannot just decide to want to keep him or herself again now. You know virgins live in a cave in Olumo rock now, they have never seen civilization. Mtchew.
    And see all them opening their mouths saying they want virgins, it means she has good home training. You know their mothers brought them up to be popping here and there na. Shoro niyen? Virginity has nothing to do with home training. It is a personal decision. So it is sweet to marry one abi? Who is disvirgining the ones around?
    Please is there a way somebody can marry a man that is a virgin? Maybe it would even curb their tendency to cheat. Or not, since my brothers at the top have said a virgin is more likely to cheat after the initial deed has been done.
    Very stupid interview and senseless article. Now a poor girl that probably has self esteem issues will see this shit and decide to go and get laid just because some mumu boys and girls said it’s no longer the trend. Nonsense!

    • Adeola

      May 20, 2015 at 7:19 am

      Spot on!!!!!!

    • Chinaza

      May 20, 2015 at 7:51 am

      Thank you! This article will do more harm than good. The author sounded so biased and the article has an undertone of mocking virgins. If you’re a virgin out there reading this, please keep yourself. Don’t mind those ignorant, classless men spewing rubbish. Just have it in mind that being a virgin doesn’t make you a good person but it says a lot about how disciplined you are girl! #virginsrock

    • S_fortress

      May 20, 2015 at 8:53 am

      I doubt Atoke is saying virgins don’t rock. She’s talking about the immense value people place on virginity. Even Battabox puts a monetary value on it. I kept my virginity until I was 25 and it had zero to do with discipline, I didn’t want to be a virgin but I remained one because of circumstance. It definitely wasn’t gifted and I didn’t expect something back. It was just sex and I enjoyed it.

      For women, society has decided that our body count determines our morals. But funny enough, that doesn’t apply to men…

  8. Scorpio

    May 20, 2015 at 2:32 am

    The dude talking from personal experience though, lmaoooo….he sounds pained!

  9. lol

    May 20, 2015 at 2:42 am

    Its worth nothing. You shouldn’t be marrying me based on what I have down there.
    If you marry and virgin good if you Dont good for you. Vaginas decay but love is forever. Lol

    • Hauwa

      May 20, 2015 at 9:36 am

      Viginas decay….LOLOOLLOL!! You’re a troll :'(

    • nene

      May 20, 2015 at 10:16 am

      gbam

    • Tosin

      May 21, 2015 at 7:39 am

      if no be for vagina, i don’t think Nigeria’s population and marriage-friendliness would be where it is now.

  10. cindy

    May 20, 2015 at 3:18 am

    In other news, that Dr Craig picture that keeps popping up in related posts should go joor. Girl is already heart broken that he’s engaged and yet BN keeps rubbing it in my face??

    • Sugar

      May 20, 2015 at 9:58 am

      HE is married!!!!!!!!!!!! it has passed the engagement phase girl……..

    • cindy

      May 20, 2015 at 11:20 am

      Ha! married ke?! ????????????
      it’s alright, my own hubby is on his way *sniffs* ??*crosses leg* ??*sips tea*????

  11. Melanin

    May 20, 2015 at 3:56 am

    “Virginity is not love” Hmmmm

  12. lala

    May 20, 2015 at 5:16 am

    i just wish i kept mine but I believe in my heart that God has forgiven me!

  13. TA

    May 20, 2015 at 6:44 am

    I can’t view the video because network is horrible where I’m at right now… Virginity is a very personal decision borne out of various reasons. For some it is to get the peace and contentment of knowing you are pleasing God as per His laws on pre-marital sex. As for the 2 women referenced in the article, they probably feel that way because the men they married viewed the women’s virginity as gifts to them, maybe just maybe that is why they feel like their gift has been treated with disdain. Human relationships are complex I tell you. A woman who feels disrespected in her marriage will perhaps think of all the things that may lead her husband to feel that way about her…Ideally, mutual respect in a marriage is based on genuine love not what a person can bring or can’t bring to the relationship but we know human relationships are far from ideal.
    PS: Virginity is priceless

  14. confused

    May 20, 2015 at 6:49 am

    Am I only the only person wondering why they’re talking about “paying for a virgin”? Are women objects to be bought and sold?

    • Hauwa

      May 20, 2015 at 9:37 am

      Taa! commot diaa. Its bride price my dear, please stop wondering.

  15. Grown Woman

    May 20, 2015 at 7:09 am

    Do some of these men even care if you are a virgin or not…only few men would appreciate that.As for those girls pics, he should’nt rub them on your face and should respect you as his wife and keep them away…im sure if it was vice versa he wouldn’t tolearate so oyaa please go dig ya exes pics and have them to mxiiium some men though have no respect whatsoever.

  16. N

    May 20, 2015 at 7:18 am

    Battabox is the reason why I’m scared to use pedestrian bridges in Lagos 🙁

    • Hauwa

      May 20, 2015 at 9:39 am

      Lool! is it wierd that I really want to be on a battabox video? what bridge are they usually on?x

    • N

      May 20, 2015 at 9:51 am

      Lol, it’s not funny. They use the Ikeja-along bridge a lot and the one at Anthony bus stop.

  17. Olagold

    May 20, 2015 at 7:21 am

    virginity shouldn’t be d reason for marriage . though iam fully in support of keeping it and appreciating those who kept it.# thumbs up to me and my sweetheart

  18. Me.

    May 20, 2015 at 7:51 am

    Yes. It is true that virginity is not love, however I am happy that I am a virgin. I choose not to have sex with anyone that I do not want to end up with on the long run. People may say that you can get married and then he behaves anyhow. that is not the point, what is is that I kept myself in today’s day and time. And for the people that say that virgins are a workload and you need to teach them this and that just remember that you were once a virgin. And for the ones that say that virgins don’t know what they are missing I want to tell you that in this case, “what you don’t know won’t kill you” theory applies. Lol.

    Now back to the matter, please pray for the people you choose to spend the rest of your life with so they do not go a complete 360 on you.

  19. Made

    May 20, 2015 at 8:19 am

    chai..1:30-1:35,..”Good home-training for a lady to be a ‘vargin’, as a very ‘holda’ age…lol, going to Abadeen from the yaport. (added this part doh!).. Yoruba pinpul e ma pa mi ooo

    • Simone

      May 21, 2015 at 9:29 pm

      bleh! he made his point..Nigerians! Always shaming other people

  20. Ifunanya

    May 20, 2015 at 8:22 am

    Women! women!! women!!! How many times have I called you????

    Keep your virginity because God’s word says so, NOT because of one these anu mpama’s. or just for the heck of it. But not because you hope to win Noble Price for Purity from your husband.

    The probability of you having a happily ever after is verrrrry slim. it MAY not happen as I have seen plenty virgins suffering in their homes.

    By the way, how many of these “umu anu ohia’s” expecting abi ‘wanting’ virgins are actually virgins?

    Notetoself: Keep calm, least you burst an artery.

  21. vivianmorh

    May 20, 2015 at 8:49 am

    Okay am confused. When did sex become something to pay a woman for,, when did it suddenly become a commodity that virgins now get more profit on their goods. The simple question should have bin would u like to marry a virgin nt would u pay more to marry a virgin. Abeg make una stop objectifyin us naww.

  22. Blah blah

    May 20, 2015 at 9:17 am

    First of all, the woman with the story is silly. How do you get married to someone hanging on to ghosts of girlfriends past? That’s someone who obviously has a problem. For reasons best known to him? She married someone who’s not transparent and open with her, someone probably still in love with one of those girls and she thinks her virginity would change him?! Silly much. Darling, your husband has issues he should have resolved before going into marriage.
    Secondly, why do non-virgins like mocking virgins? It seems to be a thing on BN. Being a virign doesn’t mean he won’t cheat on you. It doesn’t mean you would have a happy home. Blah blah blah. If you are happy with your decision to have popped your cherry, what is your business with what others do with theirs? Why does it affect you so much?
    Atoke, why is it paining you?

    • dindin

      May 20, 2015 at 11:08 am

      most importantly, who keeps foto’s abi foto Albums these days???

  23. Ochouba Chidinma

    May 20, 2015 at 9:21 am

    can’t watch d video joor……… all I know is “Sex is beautiful and God made sex… For marriage only!! #PurityBand! #VirginsStillExist!! winks!

  24. Jhennique

    May 20, 2015 at 9:28 am

    Please what sort of ignorance is prevailing on Lagos streets? Did they go to Oshodi to do this survey?
    na wa oh. The world be making virgins feel like shit these days. It takes strong determination to keep it.
    Personally virginity is not a thing of pride. The thing is if you have sex with one person the chances of you doing it with another person or persons are more. I prefer to keep my life clutter and baggage free. If i had slept with all the people i once believed i was going to spend the rest of my life with before it finally turned sour i wonder where i would be by now.
    People tell me how they want ready made wildlings in bed. How its not pleasant teaching sexual experience how my vagina would have dried up or carried cobweb. Dont think i havent considered givng in because body no be wood but last last its Gods mind for me that matters.
    Im not saving my virginity for my husband. Im doing it for my own peace of mind. Is it not this sex that i will marry and do as i like until i tire? Enyia please…….There are more improtant things inmy life right now, How about finding true love frst???

    • Tsarah!

      May 20, 2015 at 11:59 am

      I feel like I wrote this! So no be only me sef!

    • Omote29

      May 20, 2015 at 5:40 pm

      Obim! Correct! No too much talk for this matter. Peeps be like its okay to test-drive. Test-drive ko, Test-run ni.

  25. rose

    May 20, 2015 at 9:32 am

    I don’t understand why we frown so much on virginity or abstienence. Even when ive discussed this with groups of friends, it always becomes a tensed discussuon….with comments like “you not holy pass’….’.dont waste you’re time waiting for these naija men..etc….it is so rare that you hear other women or men encourage and respect each other for their personal decisions…

    The biblical idea of virginity had nothing to do with the act of serving another man, waiting for the husband. It was about the Lord and how he viewed sex and sexual intimacy as sacred. It never meant the person was holy or holyier than others. What was holy was the act of sex, however through out the centuries the acts has been seen as this thing that we all just do, that has no big deal. We need to stop teaching our children false doctrines..that saving yourself means you are special or waiting to give it to your husband or wife. What it truly means is an act of worship to the Lord. We are all sinners imperfect in Christ. Being a virgin or not is not your identity, i

    • NP

      May 20, 2015 at 10:48 am

      It’s simple really. People virgin-shame because they regret losing theirs but cannot admit it so they want the virgins to feel bad, lose theirs as well and join in their club of misery, shame and regret. Hahahahahahahah! Evil friends, we know you all!!!! You can’t fool us!!! Bible-believing, practicing Christians rock. Shame on all the haters! Envy go kill you!!!

  26. mrs chidukane

    May 20, 2015 at 10:08 am

    Virginity is awesome but the truth is that most virgins expect their marriages to be perfect because they kept themselves and that is really foolish. Our churches are also to blame as they always equate keeping yourself and marrying a person working for the Lord with happily ever after and it’s really not as simple as that. I’m not talking about the poster alone. I’ve heard similar stories so many times. A man who will mistreat and cheat on you will, whether you’re extremely experienced or you’re a novice. Don’t allow virginity blind your eyes to the real issues in your relationship. Being a virgin doesn’t even make you immune to fertility issues. I know runs girls who have very happy homes with many kids. Girls who have had abortions and stuff with men that treat them like Queens and they have no difficulty getting pregnant. Whatever your status, virgin or non virgin package yourself well and don’t forget to shine your eyes.

  27. nene

    May 20, 2015 at 10:25 am

    virginity is overrated like sex. the true meaning of a virgin is the bible definition. if you think sexual thoughts, are you still a virgin. a virgin in the bible term is untouched, naive, innocent, with a pure heart. if you masturbate you’re not a virgin. how many people meet this criteria. virginity these days is only applicable is a penis hasn’t entered the vagina? in my experience most virgins i’ve met choose to be for several reasons:
    1. homosexuals claim to be virgins
    2. people who haven’t found anyone who wants them sexually
    3. asexual people
    4. very religious people (this is very rare, like 0.1%)

    in the old days people got married early, so you lost your virginity from marriage. these days, how many people get married early? how many people can stay as virgins with all the sexualization going on?

    • Blah blah

      May 20, 2015 at 12:42 pm

      You surely haven’t met that many people!!
      I think you need to go back and read bible passages on the mind and thoughts. Thoughts will always come. What we do with them is what’s important. Do we entertain them or dispel them?
      Thankfully God isn’t man who would condemn us and mark us guilty for having thoughts. Which by the way, we cast and submit to the authority of Christ Jesus.

    • rose

      May 20, 2015 at 1:35 pm

      Girl bye!!!!!(not in a rude way) but seriouusy..girl that list you have is 1999. I k ow some hottie,rich ass fine black guys. Who aint interested in sex or anything, head,lick down before sex. They are assured in their faith (not religious) …change your circle darling…you can get a wider perspective xx

    • true talk

      May 21, 2015 at 6:02 am

      Rosie Rosie! hook a sister up with one of these your rare male specimen that you speak of! Lol

  28. annoymous

    May 20, 2015 at 10:36 am

    Ladies should keep their Virginity becos God say so,,with the mind that u are pleasing God ,don’t wish to be rewarded or valued for it(at least don’t expect reward from people or your spouse u may be disappointed),let God be your rewarder. if you didn’t. Marry as a Virgin u are not less valued by God(all u need do is to repent of your past mistakes and turn from them) virginity or disvirginity cannot guaranty happy marriage. A lot of factors determine success of marriage

  29. wagamama

    May 20, 2015 at 11:15 am

    Hello people!

    Why are some saying “don’t keep your virginity for a man, keep it for God”? Its all about personal choices ooo.

    If you want to keep your virginity for your future husband……DO IT!

    If you want to keep your virginity for religious reasons……DO IT!

    If you want to keep your virginity for cultural reasons……DO IT!

    If you want to keep your virginity due to personal preferences……DO IT!

    If you do not want to keep your virginity due to personal preferences or any other reason…..DO IT!

    Just know this,
    —-> These are not barriers that filter out the type of partner you’ll end up with.
    —-> A bad person will be mean to you, regardless of wether you were married a virgin or not.
    —-> You virginity should be worth more to you than your partner! It is your prize NOT HIS/HERS!! He/She is only human! Being married a virgin does not mean your partner won’t react to you the way they see fit! THEY WILL NOT WALK ON EGG SHELLS BECAUSE THEY MARRIED YOU A VIRGIN!

    To all the virgins out there, I LOVE Y’ALL!

    Wishing i was still one

    Wondering what sort of punishment is being reserved for me (since i kukuma dis-virgined myself………Curiosity KILLED this “cat”)

    my FEARS are religious, not cultural, personal or marriage related. sobs

    • wagamama

      May 20, 2015 at 11:40 am

      On a second Note,

      FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCES,

      sexual intercourse is OVERRATED!

      (This is coming from someone who has been in several long-term sexual relationships).

      I enjoy the “mental imagery”/daydreaming before penetration…..

      I enjoy the argoo/tension before penetration….

      I enjoy the foreplay before penetration….

      During penetration…..sometimes (2 in 10) its pleasurable, MOST times I’m left wondering why i started having sex in the first place.

      Now I’m an advocate of “SELF-EXPLORATION” (Only time i actually get immense pleasure)

      I KNOW, I KNOW…….(I’m going to hell…..Sobsssssssss)

    • tunmi

      May 20, 2015 at 2:26 pm

      That’s sad. It’s an enjoyable activity with a great partner.

    • Person

      May 20, 2015 at 6:15 pm

      LMAO!!! We are together. Actual penetrative sex is soooo overrated! Like I am there thinking, ‘did I finish that advisory note? It needs to be ready for my meeting at 9am. Dude, you aren’t done? Oh you were asking a question? Let me form some moaning sounds real quick before he knows my mind has wandered!’ ??? Now, I am team celibate because I don’t enjoy it sef. No need to continually indulge in what I do not enjoy. I am worried for my future hubby o 🙁

    • Anna

      May 20, 2015 at 7:54 pm

      Truer words have not been spoken?…

    • Ada Nnewi

      May 20, 2015 at 8:34 pm

      You guys are doing penetrative sex all wrong, you need to explore your bodies yourself first so when your partner is poking you wrong you can redirect his poking so it’s effects are felt in the right places…

  30. Minister Ade

    May 20, 2015 at 11:36 am

    Do whatever is right… Don’t let articles like these make you do what is below God’s standard.

    Marry if you cannot hold… If you can hold, then abstain.

  31. odimma

    May 20, 2015 at 12:06 pm

    Why is virginity always an issue?
    Me thinks most times, the guilt felt by non-virgins make them taunt virgins.
    The half-baked boy that said virgins won’t be romantic enough….the first time you did it, who taught you?
    Some of these guys forming experienced, bring them to action and see them messing up. Some cannot go one round but will be forming sex-macho.
    Jare, onto weightier matters of life. Value of cherry indeed….mschew

  32. Noms

    May 20, 2015 at 12:09 pm

    The case in question had nothing to do with virginity.
    The woman was plainly disobedient to her husband,she tore the pictures, she didn’t admit to seeing them,he reacts and she is crying “after keeping my virginity”. I believe women should submit to their husbands. I am not saying his keeping the pictures are right or wrong but there are other ways she would have handled it like praying, ignoring or gisting about the girls. This singular act of tearing the pics will only tell the man that he is not trusted and could lead to him trying to actually reach out to the ladies if he haven;t already.
    If she was accused of infidelity by her husband and she comes with “after keeping her virginity”, I will understand.
    I am saving it and I expect my husband to trust me to an extent(yes, because he met me as such),people change and all that, but there should be a level of trust.
    Marrying as a virgin doesn’t guarantee a good marriage and that has been said a lot of times.
    There is nothing wrong in having expectations (…the expectations of the …shall not be cut off). We all have the way we want to be treated based on what ever criteria we use but the thing is we should leave room to absorb disappoints when our expectations are not met. Whatever you do,do because you really want to do and not because you want to please people or join a bandwagon so you can take responsibility of the consequences either good or bad.
    I have kissed a few guys and I compare them in my mind,its really not a fun thing to do so I for one can’t imagine comparing sex.What if I can’t have the best(sex) in the lot for keeps, then i live in misery for the rest of my life?
    What you don’t know won’t kill you but I am trusting in the ALL knowing God to bring my ways the one that we will both satisfy ourselves. Like some one mentioned in another post-the god of libidos,lol

    • cindy

      May 20, 2015 at 1:08 pm

      Please what is it that you are saying? Submit to your husband? Exes pictures are in family album and I should ignore? Please just keep your opinion to yourself. What sort of talk is this? So if the reverse were the case, what should the man do since he can’t “submit”? Mtchew! People like you teaching ladies to take shit from men since 19….

    • Noms

      May 20, 2015 at 3:58 pm

      Family album? I had to go back to check if I missed it. Since it wasn’t specified,I took the album to be the husbands’ which he had before he got married after all who really keeps an album like that these days when most albums are photo-books where the pics can’t be taken off except the whole album is destroyed.
      If it was such a good way to have handled it, why didn’t she own up to her husband that she tore them. She expects the man to pretend that a ghost came and still wants them to pray together.
      I insist on submitting to one”s husband and devising ways to solve issues without being disobedient. If you see your husband as an authority over you, it shouldn’t be much of a problem to submit first, then discuss if e pain you well well.
      For this scenario, its safe to say the man was expecting his wife to do something to the pictures or somethings else, if not why will he be looking at albums so often.
      Its my opinion and I am not forcing you to take it so there was no need asking me to keep it to myself.

    • zsa Zsa

      May 20, 2015 at 6:36 pm

      I’m not quite sure where “disobedience” and “submission” fit into the scenario.
      This is a marriage, an intimate relationship not a father/daughter or boss/subordinate relationship. When it comes to matters of the heart a simple”obey” will not cut it. Not saying the lady should’ve torn the pictures, maybe a heart to heart talk would’ve made the man see her point….or not but whatever.

  33. kakazainab

    May 20, 2015 at 12:20 pm

    Virginity!!!
    PRICELESS
    The saying that it is lack of opportunity, ii look at with distain.
    It has to do with discipline .
    And please, Atoke, don’t compare it with a swarovski earring. Biko, they are not the same. Once taken it cannot be given back. Swarovski plenty with different designs. Everyone is entitled to their opinions but no mockery please.

  34. 2unmie

    May 20, 2015 at 12:23 pm

    Am a guy and am pleading to young gals outta there pls kip ur Virginity its your dignity and just be careful of d guy u fall in love with

    • rose

      May 20, 2015 at 1:38 pm

      I rebuke you!! All the way to 2090 !!!!!! May my great great great great grand children never fall for any advice as empty as this. Being a virgin is not the defining factor for anyones DIGNITY GIRL OR GUY!! This is from a fellow virgin, by the way.

    • Jay baby

      May 20, 2015 at 3:19 pm

      Rose you’ll be fine, okay?

  35. sasseva

    May 20, 2015 at 12:41 pm

    My take on this matter …I see virginity and beauty as a thing of pride but if u decide to useit as a weapon of manipulation… my dear get ready for the emptiness sadness and heartbreak it will bring….I mean coz I am a virgin ….I will not learn how to please my husband sexually ?or coz I am beautiful I must be an airhead…lazy doll…or lack cullinary skills …mscheww

  36. concerned9ja

    May 20, 2015 at 1:13 pm

    HiV. .Sexual diseases. ..price is high love…especially today!!

  37. Girlbeingreal

    May 20, 2015 at 8:24 pm

    It boils down to one thing… What would make you happy? we are so used to stuff being rammed down our throats… An ass hole wouldn’t treat you better just cos he married you a virgin. If you want to wait, that’s OK, nobody wants their first time to be with a douche. But Please don’t say you are saving it for someone who has had his fair share of ass only to be treated like crap later.

  38. temilouluwah

    May 20, 2015 at 8:38 pm

    In summation, do not cast your pearls before swines lest they trample them under their feet and tear you into pieces.

  39. Swizzey

    May 20, 2015 at 11:59 pm

    So, are you telling me that people whom are really active don’t mind opening up new territory whether it be bushy,stinky, sticky, non smelly,slightly smelly, really smelly? YUCK

  40. Tosin

    May 21, 2015 at 7:29 am

    Re: Helpline. I guess TTC is something about not having children. How do I put this nicely – she is a child herself, but she has one right idea: divorce. She doesn’t feel like being married to the guy. She is free, bye.
    If the guy was asking, I’d have scolded him, “how dare you give your own wife that kin ultimatum over mere pictures” but he’s not here, and she too now went to tear what, to gain what? (Terrible comment coming from me as a chic but: that’s how people chop beating)

    As for the main question: first, what is an unpopped cherry? how do you even pop a cherry? does a cherry look anything like female genitalia to you? are you joking?

    As for the video: not watched.

  41. Tosin

    May 21, 2015 at 7:34 am

    ok, watched. pretty funny.
    Virginity is not love (saith the philosopher) … is very very potential (saith his brother)

  42. annie

    May 21, 2015 at 11:02 am

    Back to the lame topic, keeping your virginity should not be because you want to offer it to someone, it should be because you fear and honor God’s word which he has given to us to obey. I am 21 and a proud virgin at that, I keep myself till this day, because I know it’s the right thing to do.

  43. june

    May 21, 2015 at 9:46 pm

    Well, everyone seems to think virgins are always being shamed, but i beg to differ. Probably because my friends are virgins, and i am the only non-virgin. So they are the ones always trying to put me down. It’s so annoying when they all up in your grill asking questions about it all the time and making me feel like i am the town slut. Yes, i wish i was still a virgin, because i lost mine in unfavourable circumstances (and they are aware), but he fact they still just talk shit at times is just disgusting. To each his own. Let nobody be shaming nobody.

  44. Ada

    May 22, 2015 at 4:51 pm

    My dear this thing sounds like what I would say biko. I recently lost my virginity (I am 28 or I will be in a few days). If this guy messes me up eh, after I have “gifted” him with my virginity, the matter go pain me and I go talk like the girl in the article above o.

    Do I consider it a gift? Yes I do. I hold am for so many years. Sharing my body with a man is a gift and I for no do am at all, but Bobo pressured me for over a year! Now here we are, if he does rubbish, I am sorry to offend the author of this piece but me go talk the same thing and e go pain me say the guy wey I first sleep with do me like that!

  45. B

    May 25, 2015 at 4:00 pm

    Pointless article full of sarcasm. If you don’t believe in keeping your virginity, don’t mock people that choose/chose to do so.
    What exactly is an ‘unpopped cherry/unpolished knob?’. Is that something the writer decided to add to make virgins feel bad, because it doesn’t make sense.
    So disappointed in this article and the writer.
    Let people make their own decisions and don’t try to mock them whatever they decide.

  46. tess d

    June 16, 2015 at 11:23 pm

    only when ladies stop seeing their virginity as someone else’s prize will this feeling of dissatisfaction cease. It is your body n no one else’s. If you choose to keep your self do it because of you not because you to be put on a heavenly pedestal in a mere human’s eyes. This whole hymen quagmire is ageless. I want to hear people say I am a virgin because I choose to be, not because I am “keeping” myself for somebody. When the latter is the case, there will always be a loophole of dissatisfaction. Afterall, are marriages better because of virginity?Absolutely, positively not!
    No need to shame anybody’s sexual preferences or lack thereof, just make sure the reasons are selfish not for someone else.

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