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Ali Baba Gives More Relationship Advice – ‘You have to protect what’s yours. Sometimes it’s not even worth it’

Adesola Ade-Unuigbe

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Ali BabaComedian Ali Baba has been on a roll with his relationship advice.

He posted on Instagram:

Sometimes, you have to protect what’s yours. Sometimes, it’s not even worth it… But if it’s yours EVERY TIME you are faced with losing what you hold dear… You will protect it. The people who tell you to forget it, will do more if they were in your shoes. A lady told me of how her Auntie made her leave her 2 years marriage, because a friend of hers, saw her husband with some Ex flame. And the friend told on him. (By the way, the friend is a divorcee.) Anyway, the matter became serious and she moved out after she consulted with her Mum’s Older sister, Auntie Bimbs. Auntie was so crossed that she is tolerating such crap. Adding that is what men like to do, eat their cake and have it (or is it have their cake and eat it again). Lo rokan sha, She moved out of the Dolphin matrimonial home and got a place in Lekki. Years down the line, when Otunba, Auntie Bimbs husband had his 60th, she found out that, 2 of Otunba’s kids, 12 and 15 were from his former Secretary, who had relocated overseas as part of the settlement deal. She had not told her mum that Auntie was one of the main people, that made her move out. When she told her mum, some hell, not all, broke loose! Moral of this story is, much as we want everyone to live right, and keep promises made, when things don’t go as planned… YOU DECIDE! Hillary Clinton is wife to who again? Monica Lew-wha? Caveat!!!! This is not a license to be loose oooo

Adesola is the BellaNaija Head of Content and Digital Ventures. She is a BN stan.. Yes, things are that serious for her when it comes to BellaNaija.com. She's a lover of gist, novels, music, and food. She's constantly trying not to take life for granted. She spends most of her time either keeping up with the world on the Internet or sharing some acquired knowledge about digital media. She is passionate about using her voice to speak against injustice, especially towards women. To communicate with her directly, you can hit her up on: Instagram - @adesola.au Twitter - @Adesola_AU

50 Comments

  1. MOM

    June 19, 2015 at 11:26 am

    a word is enough for the wise.

  2. Anonymous

    June 19, 2015 at 11:35 am

    Comedian Ali Baba has been on a roll with his relationship advice.

    • RIFF RAFF

      June 19, 2015 at 2:25 pm

      Forget Ali Baba, BN have u checked Caroline Danjuma’s or rather Carolyna Hutchings’ latest post where she subtly talks about being tired of the bullshit and losing self-worth because u hang on someone who doesn’t deserve u?

    • BuharisSideChick

      June 19, 2015 at 5:10 pm

      it is dat his wife l feel sorry for. Suffering and smiling.

    • Rose

      June 20, 2015 at 1:36 am

      @buharisidechick….u see ur self? That’s y ur a side chick….Ali baba is only saying that we should makeup our mind on what we can and cannot tolerate all by ourselves without wanting to do things just because of what Pple will say.

  3. Babym

    June 19, 2015 at 11:37 am

    I agree with ali baba on this one. It is a vey tricky one though, very very dicey. This is where ur heart and ur head struggle to make the best decision. However, what works for A may not necessarily work for B. I think ppl shld just do what they feel is best and forget what ppl or society will say. If u feel u want to work at what broke in ur marriage then by all means stay and fix it, u r not weak for trying to make it work. if u feel it is broken beyond repair, then please take a walk. U r not stone hearted for walking away. But plssss dont do it because aunty xyz and the rest of them said so. Screw them

  4. On Your own

    June 19, 2015 at 11:38 am

    All those telling the women to leave, don’t take his BS, don’t do this don’t do that are actually taking the same BS from bfs and hubbies

    As if they will help you take care of the kids or pay the bills or keep your company…..No one lives with you and no one has the right prescription of how you should go about your life.

    He who has an ear…..
    Listen to advice on BN, LIB, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook “AT YOUR OWN PERIL”
    Divorce him or her at your own peril
    Break up with him or her at your own peril
    It is strictly your own decision and be ready to live with it

    Don’t say BNer or friends advised me to do

    Strictly On your own

  5. Ross

    June 19, 2015 at 11:45 am

    So what? Ali Baba is telling Toke Makinwa not to leave Maje Ayida???? Or is he telling her not to give in to the pressure of people shouting ‘leave him’?? No one is perfect, but when women have affairs they are crucified. No one listens to any kind of reasoning – ”oh she was unhappy, oh her husband was never home” etc., Nobody cares. She’s a whore; but when it is a man, all these yeh yeh men come and start speaking philosophy in tongues.
    Alibaba, I respect you, but you men need to champion women’s causes and not tell women how to cope with heartache. You know nothing of the humiliation!!!
    And Nigerians should stop these stupid stories about ‘I know a woman …and 50 years later she realised shouldn’t have left her husband even though he used to beat her or had children with her first cousin’. Stop it. Its ridiculous!!!

    • Og

      June 19, 2015 at 1:07 pm

      I love u so much Ross your comment is just right on point. I’m really irritated by his right up d only message I got from it is make ur own decisions! Please stop trying to twist stories to suite and satisfy me

    • BuharisSideChick

      June 19, 2015 at 5:13 pm

      I am yet to be married o. but pls. how does one go back to being happy, trusting once a husband cheats? No only cheat but hv a live evidence of the infidelity?

    • Ali Baba Is A Cheat Too

      June 19, 2015 at 8:17 pm

      I can tell you for free. Once a man cheats dat marriage na yakare. A woman can choose to stay and keep smiling but trust me it is over.

  6. lacey

    June 19, 2015 at 12:13 pm

    Silly write up! Who is Alibaba to be giving advice! Did he not leave his 1st wife that he used to climb the social ladder! Alakori! Is he not married to the love of his life now! I have not commented on Toke’s issue because she saw all the signs and turned a blind eye,so if she likes let her die there or move on. It’s her choice to make!

    • nene

      June 19, 2015 at 7:03 pm

      shikena

    • adelegirl

      June 23, 2015 at 9:07 am

      But the “love of his life” is an extremely successful woman in her own right, perhaps, some will argue, even more successful that the former wife… I mean, being a female Bank MD is not something to be sniffed at…That he made some less than admirable decisions in the past doesn’t mean he may not have learnt from the past and become wiser. Cut his some slack now…

  7. cindy

    June 19, 2015 at 12:30 pm

    I love how Alibaba is always trying to sound sensible when deep down we all know that he is just like the rest of them. You don’t want us to call you out but just accept the fact that you are as mysogynistic and chauvinistic as the rest of them. You sound to me like the white guy who picks one or two black friends so as not to look racist. Oh please! What you just described there is male priviledge. If the tables where turned, would you stick to a cheating wife? I don’t know about others but to me cheating, abuse, and huge egos are major deal breakers. I won’t tell anyone what to do in their relationships. If you want to take a walk, take it and don’t let people like Alibaba confuse you. It is not your fault that your partner cheated. Don’t feel guilty about what is best for you. If you want to stick around for any reason, stay put. It is no one’s business. Just don’t come crying out to anyone if the situation arises again. Best thing is to listen to God’s will. I personally still have the heart to forgive if it’s a one time thing, I mean what would Jesus do? But if it is repetitive, then I’m having none of that. I don’t want no STDs. And for those men who say they love their wives but still cheat, please kindly take your love and shove it up your ass. People have different love languages. It is not about how you love, it is about how the other person feels loved. I personally don’t like the kitchen for any reason. But I plan to cook for my man if that is what he loves, provided he doesn’t have an ego the size of jupiter. I’m doing that because I love him and I want him to feel loved. That is being selfless. Put the other person first. Stop cheating, don’t normalise it.

    • CONGLOMERATE

      June 19, 2015 at 1:28 pm

      You just go about ranting, I bet you didn’t even read well and assimilate what he wrote, BN females are the worst type of delusional, una rants nor dey pass here. lol

    • zsa Zsa

      June 19, 2015 at 5:25 pm

      @Cindy, i agree.
      @Conglomerate, pls don’t call female BN readers delusional…so not necessary.

      I have come to realize that in marriage there are no “absolutes”. You do what works for you and not what people or society expects you to do.
      If you had asked me 10 yrs ago what i would’ve done if my husband cheated on me, hit me or verbally abused me, i would’ve said i would pray about it and what not. 2 to 3 yrs into the marriage i would’ve said i would kill him. Presently, my response would be to make him suffer.

      My responses have changed over the years because of how much of myself i have given to this marriage and what we have built together. Therefore if my husband miss steps and i take a certain action, its because i want to and not because the world says blah blah blah.

      There are no absolutes. If a woman leaves her man for any reason there are no winners. The “new” woman has not won and neither has the man, it just is what it is. Let people make their choices and be prepared to live with them.

  8. Ifeanyi

    June 19, 2015 at 12:43 pm

    @Ross…You Obviously didn’t Understand the point He was trying to make…before jumping to start all these ‘feminist’ talk…Read it again, I advice! Seek First to Understand….then, be Understood! One Habit of Highly Intelligent People.

    my 2 kobo

    • Ross

      June 19, 2015 at 1:40 pm

      @Ifeanyi, I understood him loud and clear. First he spoke his mind (i.e, women should stop listening to other women telling them to leave their husbands when they cheat because the woman advising you might have stayed with her cheating husband). ZERO content, ZERO substance.
      And then so that we don’t come for him, he quickly added at the end that women should make the choice themselves. Citing ridiculous examples of a story all of us have heard before but non of us can confirm.
      A mockery of marriage is what you Nigerian men are encouraging and when we women reject it, you people shout ‘feminist’. Say whatever you want, this piece by Alibaba is rubbish and he should refrain from giving women advice and face his fellow men. Nigerian men need help and advice cos the state of rotten marriages in our country today is you people’s shame. Shame when a man cannot make a woman he married happy. Then they come and try to use english to cover the nonsence. Mscheuuwww!!!

    • Ifeanyi

      June 19, 2015 at 3:17 pm

      @Ross…Well, if you chose to see it that way…Who am I to advice you to the contrary?
      Wisdom is profitable to direct…That’s All!

    • Amdi

      June 19, 2015 at 8:48 pm

      Are you having an issue with ur man presently? You sound so personal on this issue. Nagging doesn’t solve anything. Easy…and make ur point…less confrontational.

  9. nnenne

    June 19, 2015 at 12:59 pm

    Am not one to give advice. We are all individuals.
    Everyone , need to take time to think and do what works for them. Whatever the consequences the Individual concerned will be the one to live with it.
    Life is not “one size fits all. ”
    No one really knows you like you know yourself.
    In all situations, do you!

  10. Nerd

    June 19, 2015 at 1:08 pm

    I think Alibaba is chavaunistic. When a man cheats, if the woman decides to stay or to go depends on her. There is no right or wrong way.
    If we keep giving excuses for the way men treat us and blaming women, these men will never change.
    One last thing, we are the mothers who raise up this men. We have the power to teach them decency so just maybe, we can change the future generation so our daughters live in a better world.

    • Ross

      June 19, 2015 at 1:56 pm

      @Nerd……..PREACH. I say the same thing oh. Our grandmothers and mothers were great women but they gave their men too little responsibility and so here we are. With big sized badly behaved babies who never want to be held accountable for their actions and put the blame on a woman no matter the issue. We have to raise better sons!!!

  11. Nerd

    June 19, 2015 at 1:10 pm

    @Ross thank you jare! You made my day.

  12. Oyeeshiofune

    June 19, 2015 at 1:25 pm

    Why must every relationship advise be about the woman. Cant this so called celebrities/relationship advisers also advise the men to stay true to their wives and be faithful… In as much as there is sense in what he is saying. The world is too hard on women to be perfect or else they will lose their man while the men are just meant to be super gods to be worshiped when things go wrong.. For women, the pressure is real whether you are single or married!!!! Ali Baba i think you should also advise your fellow men to stay true even in times of challenges and not throw in the towel by impregnating their ex or having flings with the office secretary..

  13. Author Unknown

    June 19, 2015 at 1:35 pm

    The story/ analogy makes no sense to me. Would have made sense if her aunty knew of her husband’s illegitimate kids all along, stayed in her marriage, but had advised her niece to move out of a marriage where the husband was suspected of cheating. Everybody must sha talk.

    So many conclusions being drawn here. One that a divorcee cannot have another person’s matrimonial interest at heart, and two that Auntie Bimbs could not have had the best of intentions in advising her niece to leave the marriage. Nigerian society and our need to be and stay married come what may. Now her aunt is a bad person? I’m not advocating leaving your marriage at the slightest problem, but being divorced or separated is better than being in a bad marriage. Again, the definition of ‘bad marriage’ is subjective. Protecting what’s yours indeed.

  14. Die by fire

    June 19, 2015 at 1:38 pm

    Are you people brain dead?
    Seems some nuts are missing from your brain
    abi dem swear for you ni?

    Did he talk about Toke? Did he mention Toke?
    Y’all can cry and go hug a transformer
    When it is someone else’s issue, you will be running your mouth like a tap but when it comes to yours, you know how to deal with it and cover it up. Many of you cry on top men matter cos of how dey treat you and yet be forming team strong girl. Strong my foot!

    Many of you have bfs and Husbands with side chic, some of them even have a child outside, some even treat you badly and you will come here doing like you know more than your head.

    As for toke, make she do anything she wan do, no one get her time.

    Die by fire!

    • Busarni

      June 19, 2015 at 2:42 pm

      @ die by yourself ; You didn’t take your meds again, today. Just look at how you are embarrassing your self . Mtscheeeeeeew

    • zsa Zsa

      June 19, 2015 at 5:09 pm

      What was the point of your rant?

  15. Zee

    June 19, 2015 at 1:49 pm

    Parazone bleach.

  16. Busarni

    June 19, 2015 at 2:39 pm

    Ali baba; the last time I checked (2011); you were trying to clear the air on your ex Patricia leon. You raved mad when people said you milked her dry and moved on. so. who are you really to stamp your authority on relationship matter.
    Abi, you want to ride on Toke’s back and become another joro olumofin? I respect your hustle but it irritates me that these advice you are dishing out is coming in droves after last week brouhaha between toke and her partner.
    My advice for you; face your comedy and compering work;

  17. smh

    June 19, 2015 at 3:20 pm

    see,some of you amaze me. you are calling a relationship with a particular sidekick of *8years* a mistake? may God punish any man/woman out there that opens his/her mouth to call *cheating a mistake*. it’s clearly a choice people and 8years definitely is not a mistake. it’s ok that we’ve been naive at some point in our relationships but for how long do we women continue to forgive(suffering and smiling) while the sidekick enjoys all the things you probably labored for?
    see, the time you are using to pray for that stupid spouse of yours to change,use it to pray for peace of mind and direction(s) on what to do.if you kill yourself all in the name of some cheat,he will move on 2minutes later o. men like maje don’t endue well in life.your cheating ways will catch up with you at some point in life.

    bellanaija please stop encouraging all that BS list of how to keep a man and how to make a relationship work write-ups now..we are begging you to at least let us rest for one wk.

  18. Third

    June 19, 2015 at 3:44 pm

    Funny how couples say their partners are God fearing at the begining for their marriage life. Is to cheat God fearing?

  19. Nerd

    June 19, 2015 at 4:54 pm

    I spelt chauvinistic wrong.. My apologies.

  20. Doc?

    June 19, 2015 at 5:10 pm

    Listened to Mike Muddock say-“Whatever is missing in your life is something you have not greatly valued or respected! Whatever you don’t or stop to celebrate will exit your life; God, Miracle, money or a mate! Whatever you stop protecting will be stolen! ”
    Stop looking at other peoples experiences. You can’t keep saying “All men are the same” and expect a good man to come into your life.

    Personally I have made some hard decisions because of the valued I place on my kids, not just in raising them but also spending time, caring for them and teaching them. It was great Faith that got me these kids in the first place despite the long wait before I had them. The same faith must be applied in the things we value – career, income, health and even the right mate.

    • Akpeno

      June 19, 2015 at 6:45 pm

      So what are you saying Doc? That because someone who has never been married did not value a husband got a bad one? How could she value a husband in the first place if she had never been married?? Don’t say dating a man because those are two different things a Boyfriend is by no means a husband and does not and is not expected to perform the duties of a husband.

      As for your hard decision about raising your kids…. It is very vague the way you phrased it… Are you saying your husband is a no good cheat who you decided to stay with in the interest of raising your kids through according to you”great faith” My dear… if you are staying in an unhappy marriage because you want to raise your kids right…… then you are in for a shock unless you are the greatest pretender this world has ever seen…..

      When a spouse cheats, or is abusive whether physically, mentally or financially, the abused or cheated on is morally broken and therefore unhappy. When the abused or cheated on is unhappy, it affects the children…. Why we Nigerians fail to see how sensitive and intelligent children are is beyond me!

      Most of the children brought up in this unhealthy homes grow up to be unhappy abusive spouses … not all just a large percentage of them… some of them turn out to be complete opposites due to conscious efforts on their part.

      So my dear who are you helping? your faith? or your children? People need to be more thoughtful in this relationship/marriage decisions they make… especially when children are involved. It is no longer you….. And YOU need to be your best YOU in order to raise Productive healthy children and being in a marriage no matter what the health of the marriage is, is not always the answer… After all Child abusers, mass murderers and rapist are also from 2 parent homes…why didn’t that make a difference….?

    • PurpleiciousBabe

      June 20, 2015 at 4:27 pm

      GBOSA!!!!

    • Akpeno

      June 19, 2015 at 6:52 pm

      So what are you saying Doc? That because someone who has never been married did not value a husband got a bad one? How could she value a husband in the first place if she had never been married?? Don’t say dating a man because those are two different things a Boyfriend is by no means a husband and does not and is not expected to perform the duties of a husband.

      As for your hard decision about raising your kids…. It is very vague the way you phrased it… Are you saying your husband is a no good cheat who you decided to stay with in the interest of raising your kids through according to you”great faith” My dear… if you are staying in an unhappy marriage because you want to raise your kids right…… then you are in for a shock unless you are the greatest pretender this world has ever seen…..

      When a spouse cheats, or is abusive whether physically, mentally or financially, the abused or cheated on is morally broken and therefore unhappy. When the abused or cheated on is unhappy, it affects the children…. Why we Nigerians fail to see how sensitive and intelligent children are is beyond me!

      Most of the children brought up in this unhealthy homes grow up to be unhappy abusive spouses … not all just a large percentage of them… some of them turn out to be complete opposites due to conscious efforts on their part.

      So my dear who are you helping? your faith? or your children? People need to be more thoughtful in this relationship/marriage decisions they make… especially when children are involved. It is no longer you….. And YOU need to be your best YOU in order to raise Productive healthy children and being in a marriage no matter what the health of the marriage is, is not always the answer… After all Child abusers, mass murderers and rapist are also from 2 parent homes…why didn’t that make a difference….?

    • jide

      June 20, 2015 at 2:02 am

      But you are not making sense.

  21. Akpeno

    June 19, 2015 at 7:12 pm

    So what are you saying Doc? That because someone who has never been married did not value a husband got a bad one? How could she value a husband in the first place if she had never been married?? Don’t say dating a man because those are two different things a Boyfriend is by no means a husband and does not and is not expected to perform the duties of a husband.

    As for your hard decision about raising your kids…. It is very vague the way you phrased it… Are you saying your husband is a no good cheat who you decided to stay with in the interest of raising your kids through according to you”great faith” My dear… if you are staying in an unhappy marriage because you want to raise your kids right…… then you are in for a shock unless you are the greatest pretender this world has ever seen…..

    When a spouse cheats, or is abusive whether physically, mentally or financially, the abused or cheated on is morally broken and therefore unhappy. When the abused or cheated on is unhappy, it affects the children…. Why we Nigerians fail to see how sensitive and intelligent children are is beyond me!

    Most of the children brought up in this unhealthy homes grow up to be unhappy abusive spouses … not all just a large percentage of them… some of them turn out to be complete opposites due to conscious efforts on their part.

    So my dear who are you helping? your faith? or your children? People need to be more thoughtful in this relationship/marriage decisions they make… especially when children are involved. It is no longer you….. And YOU need to be your best YOU in order to raise Productive healthy children and being in a marriage no matter what the health of the marriage is, is not always the answer… After all Child abusers, mass murderers and rapist are also from 2 parent homes…why didn’t that make a difference….?

    • Doc?

      June 19, 2015 at 10:53 pm

      @ Akpeno RELAX! I am not suggesting anyone stays in an abusive relationship and am not in one. Marriage is hard work. It’s your decision to marry or not, just stay married and also work at it or walk away. I used my kids as an example of something I placed value on. I have sacrificed my career to a suitable one that gives me time for them and this was my own decision. So regardless of what one knows or hears about their spouse, it’s must also be their decision alone on what to do. Pregnancy and child birth it’s hard but aren’t women still giving birth? Is it easy to build a career? Work on a marriage or even file a divorce?

  22. Manny

    June 19, 2015 at 9:07 pm

    The problem with the lady in Alibaba’s example is that she did not make the decision to leave herself. Plus she relied on second hand, unconfirmed information. That the friend is a divorcee is irrelevant and is just divorcee shaming as far as I am concerned.
    It may not be intentional but Alibaba’s post does nothing to serve women. On the whole, it is just bad advice. I am not an advocate of women (men too) leaving without trying to mend what’s broken, even if infidelity is involved. However, it comes to a point where a woman will HAVE to leave when there is a threat to her health (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual).
    This talk about protecting what is yours is stupid and only serves to portray women that leave as weak ones that couldn’t fight on their knees or by their wiles. Yoruba people will tell you not to gbe ounje fun olongbo je. Please the cat can have my rotten food, even some good fancy looking food can give you food poisoning, even beef can be packaged as horsemeat.
    On a final note to my brethren in the Lord who like to say what God has joined together should not be put asunder. True but IT IS NOT IN ALL CASES THAT THE LORD JOINED TOGETHER. SOMETIMES, IT IS THE DEVIL THAT JOINED TOGETHER.

    • Oby

      June 22, 2015 at 1:14 pm

      Manny take kiss jooo,d last sentence make sense die..

  23. Apkeno

    June 19, 2015 at 10:20 pm

    Manny! I wish I could like your comment a thousand times Especially your last sentence!

  24. Sisi

    June 19, 2015 at 11:00 pm

    During the first few years of my marriage, I left my husband for 6 months cos of infidelity. Years down the line, I found out that truly he never slept with those girls.
    They were just desperate enough to always send personal pictures, messages, etc to his phone Facebook (places where I would see them.)

    You know what I did later wen we got back, I adviced him to use a password on his phone, change his Facebook password, etc. so I don’t see what ever

    Am glad we had d separation, I am indeed grateful we got back together. Our relationship is The best. We talk more, listen more, give more, etc

    Leaving a man, is a decision that is entirely up to the woman.

    You need to state why you are leaving, is it for sober reflections- will your husband use the time to reflect or hang out with the boys as a way to buy hapiness

    Is there a room for reconciliation and forgiveness.
    It’s a long one. I don’t advice for separation except of both parties are emotionally matured for it.

  25. The Bull

    June 20, 2015 at 5:48 am

    i have heard statements like “men are polygamous in Nature” “he is just being a man” “all men cheat” “pray for him or pray for your marriage” “God hates divorce” all these are just excuses being made, and there will be many more sham or unhappy marriages as a result of this. We have had countless articles of men and women, giving women advice on marriage, it is about time we start seeing more articles directed at men, from the look of things, Nigerian men need it more..

  26. mabel

    June 20, 2015 at 11:54 am

    Alibaba onishe..face your work o

  27. Oby

    June 22, 2015 at 12:48 pm

    omg, Manny take kiss jarey. Ur write up on POINT, d last sentence ON POINTER,lol if diers a word like dat.

  28. red

    June 22, 2015 at 4:30 pm

    na everyone dey give relationship advise now o. issokay!!

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