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Liz Awoliyi: Sharing Your Good News with the Right People

Elizabeth Osho

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FullSizeRender (1)So, I read an interesting Facebook status a couple of weeks ago about Nigerian ladies getting pregnant and hiding it from friends’ – and I realized so many of my own ‘friends’ did this.

It’s a Nigerian thing, our elders implore us to have this way of thinking, and it seems they are right on this one, and on sharing your good news in general.

It’s only natural to want to share with the world that you’re happy or that you’ve got great news!

It may be hard to fathom, but do you realize that there are some people who can’t stand hearing good news about others’ awesome accomplishments? Sometimes, they think you’re showing off, being arrogant, and generally taking pleasure in rubbing your good news in their face –this in turn rubs them up the wrong way!

Wisdom is needed. Life is full of bitter people who find it hard to celebrate other people’s good news – especially when things are not working out as great for them.

With certain people, when they know the source of your happiness, they want to attack it! Simply by over sharing your good news, you’re putting yourself at risk. Some people thrive by stealing other people’s happiness or knocking their source of joy.

Naturally, we believe that sharing our good news with another person can only bring about good. Sharing your positive experiences with others, brings you pleasure, but is it bringing the listener any joy?
Watch how friends and even close relations respond to your good news.
You: “I got a first class”
Friend: “Well, your course wasn’t that hard really.”

Have you ever been hurt by a close friend or relation being entirely unmoved by good news that meant so much to you.
You: “I finally got a flat on the island”
Friend: “Island that has no water, no light, and you guys are constantly flooded”.
Be careful who you share your good news with. Some people will genuinely be happy for you and celebrate your excitement, whilst others will make you feel like your good news isn’t worth celebrating or being excited about.
Get comfortable with yourself, your decisions and choices without the need to share with others ultimately for approval. Guard Your Truth.

The best solution is to cultivate a habit of spreading your happiness around your inner circle, your mum, dad, husband and kids.
Be careful of who you share your news with, and be sensitive of other people’s feelings.

What are your thoughts on the dissemination of your good news?

Tv/radio presenter, occasionally I write! Social media strategist. Online Editor of Genevieve Magazine @LizAwoliyi

50 Comments

  1. Lauretta

    June 16, 2015 at 1:24 pm

    True… wisdom is a necessary in sharing good news, I have been a victim of sharing my good news to the wrong people. Now am more matured and I conceal my happiness to my inner circle.

  2. Zee

    June 16, 2015 at 1:32 pm

    Yes to the inner circle only. No to awon aiye.

  3. Onetallgirl

    June 16, 2015 at 1:36 pm

    There are names for people who are not happy for you when you succeed. There called HATERZ!!! Lol

    • A Real Nigerian

      June 16, 2015 at 1:52 pm

      “There”

  4. Jagbajantis

    June 16, 2015 at 1:38 pm

    It is a delicate subject and sometimes you cannot really legislate for how a “friend” will react to your “good news”. Some people just want to watch the world around them burn, and suffer from pull-them-down-itis. What are you going to do? Become unsuccessful?

    Here are some tips I abide by:

    1. Try and gauge whoever it is that you are sharing the good news with. Not everyone needs to be told that you won $50million in the lottery, especially if that person is living below the poverty line. If your “friend” lives in a face me-I face you condo in Okokomaiko, perhaps it is best if you leave out your town crier message that you just moved into an Ikoyi luxury flat

    2. Share info on a need to know basis. Does that person really need to be told your good news? Does it benefit or impact them somehow? For example, your sugar daddy bought you a spanking Merc SUV 550. You are debating whether to tell your fellow runs girl about the car. Why na. Do you intend to allow her ride shotgun; or will you drive past her at the bustop splashing mud sef. Mind ya self o

    3. Celebrate, but be careful not to rub successes into peoples faces, so it looks like you are pompous. Be joyful, but not vain. Vanity and excessive show of success is unattractive, like a huge boil on the forehead of the prettiest girl.

    Off topic, Liz , I really fancy you like crazy. Let me hold your digits, ma

    • Femi

      June 16, 2015 at 5:06 pm

      Oh boy, you hit the nail on the head oh! Correct! Lol!

  5. Anon

    June 16, 2015 at 1:38 pm

    Well said! I really enjoyed this article. Thank you for sharing your wisdom!!:)

  6. olu

    June 16, 2015 at 1:44 pm

    I will only share my good news when it is at a 100%.
    I dont want to spread the news while at 50% and then have to share bad news if it never gets to 100.
    Plus…’trust no one ….some may unknowingly help share your news to the wrong crowd. That’s how and why armed robbers visit most families.

  7. Aronkus Peperempe

    June 16, 2015 at 1:59 pm

    Lizzy Baby loke loke, sebi Oluwa lo seyi o. Owo n’ wole wa, Oluwa lo seyi o ahhhhhh…

    Sharing your good news with the world is strictly by discretion in my opinion. Sharing that piece of news might serve as an inspiration to someone else, a reminder/ hope to someone else. Who knows!

  8. Lara

    June 16, 2015 at 2:01 pm

    So true even the ones you call your close friends.

  9. 9ja

    June 16, 2015 at 2:16 pm

    We traditionally don’t announce pregnancy in 9ja for many valid reasons, I remember telling my MIL I was pregnant with my 1st & she said I shouldn’t tell anyone else, that pregnancy announces itself. I have learnt that the less of your business you tell people the better.
    I really love this article.

  10. teee

    June 16, 2015 at 2:16 pm

    Hmmm tell me about it,i can write a book on these types of friends..you give them ur good news sooo freely with soo much excitement and they kill it instantly…funny part is in never this way with them.for watever reason they just cannot b happy for you…..and d funny thing is sometimes u think that they r doing much better than u but they cannot just stomach d fact that something great happens to u… this particular one i couldnt stand anymore..i started hiding from her everything about me and trying as much to stay away but she wont back down……..frenemies

  11. Bola

    June 16, 2015 at 2:16 pm

    My own is I don’t understand the logic with hiding pregnancy. Is it that the baby can no longer be killed or jazzed once it’s born? Side eye, maybe hide the child forever.

    • Kamer sista

      June 16, 2015 at 9:36 pm

      The baby only gets stronger as he grows. The little one in your belly is more fragile, and should be protected just as the earth NATURALLY protects the seed before it grows into a beautiful flower.
      And even when the child is born, parents, especially mothers (more talkative) should still pay attention to WHAT they expose their child to: don’t brag about his or her academic success, physical beauty etc. in order to protect them.
      This is why I think that Kim K does really bad to that precious girl of hers! Too much exposure is NEVER good for children. Let them grow peacefully, and PRAY as much as you can for wisdom when dealing with their destiny.
      Joseph in the Bible talked too much, too early…And ended up as a prisoner in Egypt. Maybe that was not God’s perfect plan to establish him over there WHO KNOWS?
      -excuse my english at this point. I am a french speaker, living in France-

  12. Vivadrew

    June 16, 2015 at 2:20 pm

    And I feel family members do that more – sharing your good news around just so to boost their ego. dang! it hurts more coming from a family when you actually do expect them to just hush.

  13. Bisi

    June 16, 2015 at 2:29 pm

    Wisdom is Key in any n
    Good news – Attracts HATERZ
    Bad news – Attracts Laughable peoples
    ..Use Ya Head. SHIKENA

  14. nammy

    June 16, 2015 at 2:35 pm

    i just got promoted at work, i have not even seen the letter yet and someone who supposedly has connections at the head office has helped me spread the news round the whole office. Granted, its not a news i can hide but i would have loved to share it myself. I am not a fan of sharing good news, most of such news will eventually show themselves, if i am pregnant ul know sooner or latter, If i buy a new car una go see am so pls do not expect me to share any news with you. thank you.

  15. Alias

    June 16, 2015 at 3:01 pm

    I agree that we should be discrete when sharing good news. However there’s nothing hidden under the sun. Imagine that you’ve a good friend who hears your”good news” from other people. You leave your good friend wondering whether he or she was not worthy enough of being told. This is why Nigerian woman suffer so much silently in the name of trying to keep people from knowing their good news. The Bible says rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn. If you rejoice alone, you’ll mourn alone.

    • moi meme

      June 16, 2015 at 9:12 pm

      Thank you. The problem I have really is not that you shouldnt hide your good news. Granted its your business, especially pregnancy. But as a close friend who has become almost like family, you “hide” it from me, only for me to hear it in passing from a non friend…then when its time for baby shower, youre ringing up my phone consistently….Hide the baby shower too…#imjustsaying.

  16. Titilayo Oriolowo

    June 16, 2015 at 3:05 pm

    Nice one!!!! One really has to be careful on how you share good news with friends and family because just as u said some people tend to be happy at your achievement but won’t blink an eye to bring you down when the opportunity comes for the. May the Lord lead us right.

  17. Chai

    June 16, 2015 at 3:24 pm

    Back to backwards thinking, you cant share good news with your friends, but they are the same friends you claim are your closest friends you make them bridesmaids and invite them to your wedding to rejoice with you, you trust them then. The only reason i wouldnt tell my “friends” im pregnant is if the pregnancy is way to early and the risk of loosing a baby is still high, not that the would not rejoice with me, or someone wast to steal the source of my joy. i am a child of God, we dont live in fear, for no weapon fashioned against us shall prosper

    • Anjie

      June 16, 2015 at 6:27 pm

      Yass!

    • Anon

      June 16, 2015 at 6:46 pm

      I am not quite sure I understand the whole pregnancy thing. There’s someone I thought was my friend. She even shared my apartment at one time. The she gets married and conceives, calls me to say she’d had a threatened abortion and so can’t travel for my wedding. I totally understood. Then done months later, we are gusting and I ask about the pregnancy, just gist cos she’s the first among us to get pregnant. Then I ask when she’s due and the response is soon. I’m like in a few months, and she just says soon. I have to admit it hurt cos I was like, you lived with me. If Simeon wants to harm your baby, you really think it would be me? And I’m the kind of person that if my friend asked, I wouldn’t hide. It’s all good sha, maybe I’d do same. Who knows? Even Sisi Yemmie managed to hide hers and she’s a blogger…lol. That being said, I always genuinely rejoice with others. I’m not one to undermine anyone’s achievements.

    • madamnk

      June 16, 2015 at 11:39 pm

      I know right? and she (sisiyemmie) had previously put up a blogpost talking about how she doesn’t know why women hide their pregnancies.

    • Aleesha

      June 17, 2015 at 4:00 pm

      I have learned that just because you think someone is a close friend, doesnt mean they think of you in the same way.

  18. oy

    June 16, 2015 at 5:17 pm

    yes ooooooooooooooo. awon aye anirun labe ahon.

    • Livvy's Mama

      June 17, 2015 at 8:00 am

      I’m sure Sisi Yemmie shared her good news with her family and friends. Not sure why you think she should come on a blog to announce her pregnancy… To what end?

  19. nene

    June 16, 2015 at 5:39 pm

    gbam. i share good news with everyone or keep it totally to myself, but i won’t choose which “friends” too share it with. it’s all or nothing.

  20. Ehilu

    June 16, 2015 at 5:48 pm

    i always feel happy when my friends share their good news. However, when i need something really bad and GOD says “IT IS NOT YET TIME!!!”, seeing people getting that same thing kind of make me sad, but i always see them as lucky and thank GOD for them.

  21. oyetty

    June 16, 2015 at 5:59 pm

    Yoruba Proverb – “Bi isu Eni ba ta, a ma n fi owo bo ni”. In most cases, hardwork precedes success. Often too many times, people forget the hard work you have put in, and when your breakthrough comes, they just start hating. Goodnews and success should be shared with discretion, even bad news. It’s not only people in your level on below that sometimes get cold when you share your joy, even people doing better than you always want you to play catch up. I always say, that you bought your house or car first, only means that yours will be old by the time I buy me. Nice write up babe x

  22. Berry Dakara

    June 16, 2015 at 6:05 pm

    I’m a little bit on the fence on this one. I typically wear my heart on my sleeve and am an open book, so it’s easier for me to share my news. However, like you rightly said, there are those people who will not be truly happy for you, so one should know when/to whom they spread their good news.

  23. Ruthless

    June 16, 2015 at 6:55 pm

    I love every bit of this article and I am afraid it mostly applies to women. We are never happy about each other’s progress. Jealousy revolves around our lives. May God give us all wisdom in out dealings with others.

  24. Rue

    June 16, 2015 at 7:26 pm

    This is the reason i never tell my family and my friends when i’m dating. I’d rather they found out when i’m about to get married. From the way Some of my friends constantly ask me ” how is your boyfriend” makes me suspect they are waiting for me to say ” we broke up o”. Now i date and break up without anyone knowing. No time abeg.

  25. Adia

    June 16, 2015 at 7:27 pm

    Sometimes sharing your good news also helps you know your true friends.
    I remember telling a friend that I just got engaged and her response was “should I be surprised?”
    I was like whoa! Granted she is older than I and may have been a little sad, but she was there from the start of the two year friendship turned engagement. I expected a “congrats!” at least.
    That said, I just carried my two legs and fled.

  26. observer

    June 16, 2015 at 7:34 pm

    I just love Liz, such a breath of fresh air!

  27. van tobi

    June 16, 2015 at 7:41 pm

    Some people’s comment here, can easily pass for an article. Keep your comments short. It’s healthy!

  28. CEO

    June 16, 2015 at 9:21 pm

    Don’t cast your pearls before swines

  29. Tosin

    June 17, 2015 at 7:49 am

    a little bit ridic, in my view, but it’s resonated with a few so…thanks.
    ok, so people are to jump for joy every time you tell them some good news, to not criticize, to at the same time be real, to be there for you when things go wrong, … otherwise they’re not the right people for your royal acquaintance. i’m learning.

    as it is with marriage (grand expectations of perfection) so it now is too with acquaintanceship.

  30. Zoe_quin

    June 17, 2015 at 8:00 am

    As friends let’s mind d questions we ask, why ask if someone she’s pregnant wen you ll see it wen it grows, dere are some knowledge dat are useless to us, too many questions arouses suspicion, minding ur business is should not be too expensive for us, learn to protect ur feelings, weigh ur questions pls.

    • aij

      June 17, 2015 at 5:09 pm

      I hate the ‘ARE you pregnant’ ques with passion. What role do they want to play in the duration of the pregnancy?
      I don’t even reply. People should learn to mind their business especially with sensitive questions like that.
      When the baby comes, that’s when you have a role.
      Bad belle people too will be forming uterus markers….Mschew!

  31. ACE

    June 17, 2015 at 8:15 am

    Speaking from personal experience don’t even share keep it to yourself until it matures , in fact share it with only God and Angels. A lot of angry people full of jealousy and hate. If you must share just with immediate family. I tried sharing mine with my church brothers and sisters and the good news didn’t last they killed the news . Please let’s all be really careful..

  32. Julia

    June 17, 2015 at 12:37 pm

    Since I’m aware of the various types of temperament and can gauge people’s reactions based on this, I know what to expect from different people by way of reaction.
    For instance, my mum is very expressive and so when I share a piece of news with her and she doesn’t seem excited she IS NOT particularly happy about it and I dig. Even if she’s trying to dodge, I KNOW and probe further. For my dad, who’s Phlegmatic, like myself, I don’t expect him to show much reaction, so if I get one from him or don’t get from him, it doesn’t mean he’s less happy.
    As a phlegmatic, who are known for not being emotional, expressive and are quite realistic (for instance, already expecting that a particular relationship would culminate in marriage), I’ve learnt to project my secondary temperament (Sanguine) when reacting to the news by a friend, to avoid being looked at one kain.
    I’ve had friends and family members who were more excited about my ‘good news’ than I was. In fact, I’m more likely to show excitement over others good news than mine because I can’t suspect my own lack of excitement, but others can suspect my lack of excitement with regards to their good news.

    Now, I’m quite able to really project how happy I feel about someone’s good news in my voice and body language than I was able to before.

    The point I’m trying to make is that there’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to gauging how happy others are about your good news. They may actually be the realistic ones who are truly happy within than even the very exuberant ones who make a show of theirs.

    • MakealotofSense

      June 21, 2015 at 8:06 am

      Makes a lot of sense. As short as that statement is, within me I am in total agreement with what you have written and just as you have opined, I will just say a simple and short “Makes a lot of sense”.My point is – I guess I need to also be more expressive.

  33. Jane

    June 17, 2015 at 1:03 pm

    Nicely written article! Nice one Liz! Enjoyed reading it!

  34. Fikayo

    June 17, 2015 at 1:40 pm

    Spot on! Indeed, wisdom is profitable to direct

  35. EfKay

    June 17, 2015 at 2:47 pm

    Hmmm…once upon a time in the very recent past, I used to be the sort of person who would freeze up at other people’s good news. Especially when it was something I had always wanted to achieve/do/have. It wasn’t so much envy as it was disappointment in self, knowing full well that if I had been just as dedicated, hardworking, prayerful as they were, I’d have had a testimony too.
    But now I’m learning to genuinely be happy for others and if anything tidy up my life and learn from them. Not easy but baby steps…

  36. David

    June 17, 2015 at 10:59 pm

    If only I could tag my friend and his girlfriend that just suddenly became my frenemies when I got this new job. Apparently, they had been happy all the while I was jobless and now they act so weird. e jealousy is oozing like fart. To think I assumed we were like family. People love to give you the crumbs from their tables rather than see you fish with your hands. I leave you two in Gods hands.

  37. beautiful and strong woman

    June 17, 2015 at 11:10 pm

    Hello Ms. Awoliyi,
    Any chance I could know who designed the dress you are wearing? Very lovely! Thank you

    • Laraba

      June 18, 2015 at 3:31 pm

      I believe its a Lady Biba dress.

      Now to the article. Well if you come from my kind of family, (Everyone looks all nice and posh, speaking phoneee but the principalities in there is on a whole ‘nother’ lever) you will keep your good news and allow it announce itself.

      I used to be an open book until my eyes saw pepper. I never even knew i could believe in all these ‘awon aye’ stuff but hmm.
      Now i share my good or bad news with wisdom. And i am so sorry dear friend or family if you feel i didn’t share with you, feel free not to share your good news with me too I will still rejoice with you from my heart.

    • Laraba

      June 18, 2015 at 4:19 pm

      I believe its a Lady Biba dress.

      Now to the article. Well if you come from my kind of family, (Everyone looks all nice and posh, speaking phoneee but the principalities in there is on a whole ‘nother’ lever) you will keep your good news and allow it announce itself.

      I used to be an open book until my eyes saw pepper. I never even knew i could believe in all these ‘awon aye’ stuff but hmm.
      Now i share my good or bad news with wisdom. And i am so sorry dear friend or family if you feel i didn’t share with you, feel free not to share your good news with me too I will still rejoice with you from my heart.

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