Connect with us


Peculiar Okafor: Phrases that Excuse bad behaviour



Human relationships are complex, you constantly have to navigate human dynamics. As you grow older, you learn to deal with people and the baggage we all come with –  as well as an understanding of their place in your life.

In all of this, there are people with extremely horrible behaviour and these people use certain phrases to excuse this behaviour.

It’s Just the Way I Am
Really, you have a horrible behaviour and the only ingenious excuse you have is ‘It’s just the way I am?’ Well, honey, we don’t like the way you are; so change or find ways to mitigate the negative effects of your behaviour.

I don’t mind the haters
The remix of this is: ‘it’s just beef’. Trust me, few people hate or beef you. You probably have a bad attitude, that’s all. I’m not saying jealousy doesn’t exist, but if your defense for your bad behaviour is ‘beef’ then dear, you need to check yourself.

Don’t Judge
This phrase has been hugely overused. There’s a huge difference between judging and criticizing or even saying things just the way they are. Someone is a nuisance and people say ‘don’t judge, because you sin differently’. When people say stuff about you, listen, reflect and decide whether or not to take learning but do not dismiss the advice.

You Don’t Know What I’ve Been Through
We ‘ALL’ have baggage. You don’t get to your twenties and above without some baggage; but do not make the rest of us pay for mistakes of someone else in your past. We refuse to pay for their mistakes.

Are You Any Better?
Well, whether or not someone is better than you are doesn’t mean they cannot make observations.

In all, I believe in loving and accepting people for who they are, not judging and understanding that people are going through a lot. However, as a society we need to hold one another to high standards, so we don’t lose the values that bind us. Most importantly, as human beings, we owe it to our world to present the best version of ourselves. Like someone I know always says ‘be your best self’.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Sam74100 

Peculiar is a Marketing communications personnel, she believes that one can have a full life without being bitchy and she wants it all 'A good career, love, laughter, wealth, you name it. She blogs at Follow her on Instagram @daworkdiva and Facebook ''


  1. olu

    July 6, 2015 at 1:38 pm

    waiting to read the comments …..that’s just the way I am 🙂

  2. Nkay

    July 6, 2015 at 2:11 pm

    And by Gods grace, some people can abuse that.

  3. nammy

    July 6, 2015 at 2:14 pm

    I am working rily hard to be my best self, i frown a lot, not because i am angry but its just the way i am, people complain about it and say it scares them away from me so, in being my best self, i try to wear a smile whenever i notice that my default frown face is rearing its ugly head.

  4. The real D

    July 6, 2015 at 2:25 pm

    The one I saw recently on BN, “just my humble opinion”after being rude or my proper 9ja peeps ” I am just playing” or varying versions of this. You are always rude but when you are called out on it. It is suddenly supposed to be a joke. Some even insult you further by insinuate that you lack a sense of humor ” we cannot play with you anymore?”

  5. Oyindee

    July 6, 2015 at 2:25 pm

    Honestly,the truth is a lot of people who say this phrases are hurting deep inside and might be suffering from complexes or insecurities ,trust me,as long as i don’t really care what people think about me and i am ‘who i am'(yes i said it) there just has to be some evaluations and reflections from time to time for me.there is this saying that when a lot of people are saying the same thing it just might be true and its time to make some adjustments(it doesn’t mean am a push-over it just means that am not a bad person by heart and i might be doing the wrong thing),a lot people who use this phrases are defensive and there is a need to prove something,i have a colleague that is always up in people’s faces and businesses and everyone says leave her that’s just ‘who she is’ and all, i have since found her nose,given to her and told her to keep it out of my business,lol,it all bothers down to loving who you are and thriving to be a better person…..

  6. L & L

    July 6, 2015 at 3:14 pm

    Honestly, my view on this, is, live and let live, you can’t expect people to apologize for what seems normal to,them ie their attitude. Change can only come,if they truly desire to, with the help of God. It’s either you accept them the way they are genuinely (quit nagging and highlighting their faults) or take a walk. Simple.

  7. Motun

    July 6, 2015 at 3:48 pm

    The phrase that hits me the most is “It’s just the way I am”. People just tend to hide under that phrase to get away with their ill behavior especially in cases where the consequences of their actions are still under their control but when the aftermath of such actions are detrimental to their happiness even worse their life; they adjust with speed and it stays like that.

  8. Hauwa

    July 6, 2015 at 4:49 pm

    Thanks for this! and thanks for your addition @ The real D! I tell you what REALLY annoys me are people (so called ‘peace makers’) that try to shush you when you are calling someone out on a particularly rude and obnoxious behaviour… with: you know that is the way she is nah, she has a short temper, or ah ah forgive nah, let it go nah mscheew… I know someone personally who is so obnoxious everyone avoids being in her company for any protracted length of time, BUT when I refused her coming to stay with me due to my PAST experience (ended up in me being physically assaulted by her!) THEY come up with ‘Ah ah, can’t you let bygones be bygones’!! I tell you….

    Or worst still, keep quiet in face of evil and bad behaviour and then go talk about it behind backs … cowards. If you ARE obnoxious to ME, i will let you know– kindly but where we take from there depends on your response…….THAT’S JUST THE WAY I AM!!!

  9. Anjie

    July 6, 2015 at 5:23 pm

    You left out the “no offence” disclaimer that is usually followed by an unbelievably rude opinion that you never asked for.

  10. Theresa

    July 6, 2015 at 11:04 pm

    Eye-opening article, we need to grow wiser and better. Thanks Peculiar for this enlightening article.

  11. Grace

    July 7, 2015 at 9:26 am

    Beautiful piece Peculiar. We all need to learn to grow together rather than tear each other apart with ill behaviours.

    • Peculiar Okafor

      July 7, 2015 at 9:36 am

      You’re welcome dear.

  12. red

    July 7, 2015 at 10:26 am

    i do a lot of “are you any better”, in fact that’s my specialty but God is helping to me to change that. it ain’t healthy

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Tangerine Africa

Star Features