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Quincy Iwediokpulu: Relationships, Sleepovers & Drawing the Line

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A friend of mine was visiting and we were having the usual men gossip when she said:

“Q, see I don’t get all those talks about me not sleeping over at my boo’s house o…I mean how the hell do I get to know him in and out if I don’t spend ‘quality’ time with him, not just outdoors but indoors as well?” I shrugged, not quite sure how to respond.

Personally, I understand why any parent or guardian or even the society would insist that ladies do not spend the night at their partner’s houses. In fact women even get prejudiced for even attempting to sleep over at their partner’s place – especially in the event that something bad happened. But besides the persistent increase in domestic violence and rape, there is also the case of diminished bride price. No parent wants their daughter to be paid lesser than the original fair value simply because Oga bobo has already had a taste of the apple pie.

But the case seems to differ when the relationship is a long distance one. Oga bobo is finally in town and you are telling Sister Mary that she should not sleep over. She would just look at you as if you smoked something.

“Sleeping over doesn’t necessary mean we will have sex” my friend insisted “Inasmuch as it provides such an opportunity, we can choose not to”

Oh! Nsogbu! Grammar! E-n-g-i-l-i-s-h!

Inasmuch as I agree somehow, I still disagree o. It is true that nothing might happen depending on the circumstances surrounding the sleeping over. On the other hand, it could be that Brother Man had really had some serious Holy Ghost intervention and the angels of the lord had appeared boldly to him on your behalf to tell him not to touch you. Even with that, it would still take the entire restrain in the world for him not to… unless there is no attraction whatsoever. Perhaps he had just discovered that you are his cousin or some distant relative – his father’s uncle’s brother’s sister’s cousin or something-something like that.

It is only a naive girl that would spend the night over in her boo’s apartment and not expect anything to happen. It’s as if you are deliberately tempting the force of nature, booing and shaking your bumbum in his face like “mbok, you cannot do anything o…duh!”

Like seriously, who are you kidding?

It is said that our generation has moved from just the wooing facets in relationship. The waters, they say, must somehow be tested before it can be swum; and there are many theories that support this. These theories even go as far as insisting that even though intimacy is the most least-talked-about in relationships, it is no doubt the most crucial especially in marriages. The only way one can really get to find out if his or her instrument is working properly and effectively is to sleep over.

Oh!

 Last night, I received a call from one of my girlfriends.

“Q, come and carry me o” I was still rubbing the sleep from my eyes trying to place the voice when she yelled into the phone again, “Q!!!!!! Can’t you hear me?”

“Shade…?”my brain finally registered. She had called with an unknown number and her voice seemed to have changed with the night “Where are you?”

“I am at my boo’s place. I no fit sleep” She said and I could hear some ‘gaah’ sound in the background.

“Aha!” I exclaimed “Why na?”

“Babe the guy dey snore like 10KVA generator and I no fit sleep at all, or no worry, I dey go sleep for parlor” she said and then dropped the call.

It is said that sleeping over helps in many ways to truly get to know a person besides sexual intimacy. The proponents of this notion actually argue that a person is more themselves at home, than when they are out there in the dating world posing like the Mr. and Mrs. Perfect. It is very easy to lie that you are ‘this’ or ‘that’, or you don’t do this or that. Imagine sleeping over and you discover that your boo still curls up like a baby and sucks his thumb, or that he farts uncontrollably in his sleep. Worse, you wake up in the middle of the night, say 12am to find your girlfriend lying straight on the bed next to you, with both hands by her sides. You know all those witchy witchy lying positions… her face is up toward the ceiling and she is chanting gibberish.

Omo! fear go catch you!

This even reminds me of a male friend who complained about waking up at 2:00am in the night to find his girlfriend gone from his bed. He said at first he thought she was in the bathroom. An hour passed and she was no show; so he went looking for her, only to find her in the garden sitting on the grass, smirking and laughing with nobody. He said it had to take three signed testimonials from doctors for him to finally believe she was actually sleep-walking. Before then, even his pastor had pronounced her ‘possessed’ and advised him to run for his life.

I still don’t know if spending the night at a spouse’s place is right or wrong or if it is necessary or not so I’ll really like to know your thoughts. What weird sleep-over experience at a boo/bae’s place have your experienced that you’ll like to share?

Do you think it’s really necessary to spend the night at your spouse’s place even though sex isn’t in your agenda? If you are married and you did, please tell us, was it necessary?

Photo Credit: Dreamstime| Monkey Business Images 

Quincy Iwediokpulu is an Upcoming writer, fashion designer and an Accountant by profession. she owns and manage a blog called “The Q EFFECTZ” @ https://www.theqeffectz.com where she teaches interested individuals how to make cloth patterns, D.I.Ys and also likes to gist about life issues

89 Comments

  1. Hawtstuff

    July 3, 2015 at 7:51 pm

    Quincy you are a real bae for this article.
    I think it is a necessity to at least spend a night in boo’s place, not because of sex but to explore your intimacy. I once had a BF who snored horribly (you know d sound of this ” I better-pass-my-neighbor” generator). Mehn I kept on nudging him all through the night and to make matters worse, he is a cartoon network addict. When I finally got some sleep, he woke up by 5am to start watching Ben10.
    My point is that our society is totally different from that of our parents, when there was an element of sincerity in courtship. Now things have changed and pretense seems to be the other of the day in courtship & relationship. Life is too short, sleep is too precious & sex is too important to discover how this all goes down on your wedding night.
    On the other hand, I don’t support co-habitation oh…

    • ChicadimplesNG

      July 3, 2015 at 8:26 pm

      Nne, did u say cartoon network?? Ben 10 kwa??
      Chai!

    • nene

      July 4, 2015 at 8:13 pm

      lmfao.

    • EllesarisEllendil

      July 3, 2015 at 9:33 pm

      It depends on when this happened, if it was the the Cartoon Network that aired KND, Samurai Jack, Megas XLR, Juniper Lee, Young Justice, Green Lantern, The Powerpuff Girls, its understandable, if he was watching Avatar-The Last Airbender on Nicktv, its understandable, If its this year or last though, I no get excuse. Cartoon Network is now shit!!!!, its like they had a meeting and banned violence and anything but meant for toddlers story-lines, except for Adventure Time and Gravity Falls.

      I know “Cartoons” have a bad reputation for childishness but its no different from watching Scandal or KUWTK, hell some Anime have better story-lines than Scandal and Dexter’s Laboratory>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>KUWTK.

    • Abeeeee

      July 3, 2015 at 11:33 pm

      Looool @hawtstuff please introduce @EllesarisEllendil to the Cartoon Network guy.

    • Tunmi

      July 4, 2015 at 2:22 am

      I LOVE YOU!!!!! Man I miss those cartoons

    • Doxa

      July 4, 2015 at 9:21 am

      I am a lady and I still watch cartoons, i’m watching Daffy duck and Bugs bunny now sef. I will continue to watch cartoons till Jesus Christ comes again.

    • Onye

      July 4, 2015 at 7:26 pm

      you don’t support cohabitation but you are already sleeping together. I know people who lived together but did not have sex. They stayed in different rooms until their wedding night.

    • Doubting Thomas

      July 6, 2015 at 2:47 pm

      Hmmmmmmmmmm…………….

    • St

      July 6, 2015 at 6:44 pm

      hmmmmmmm…indeed…well, different room u said…buh cohabitation is diff frm spending a nait ooo..its like buying a noreos biscuit and having the carton at home…

  2. nammy

    July 3, 2015 at 7:51 pm

    It all depends on what u both decide to do, the truth is that you keep learning about your partner every day so sleeping over does not guarantee that you get to know each other better

  3. Sleepover

    July 3, 2015 at 8:33 pm

    So that was how I decided to sleep over one night I was ill and le boo picked me up from the hospital…I took the drugs they gave me to help me sleep and the next time I woke up me and le boo were swimming in a pool of my urine on the bed…I almost died! Me that had not wet the bed since i was 3 years old now wet the bed at almost 30…boo was such a sweetheart about it and asked me to just put towels over it and come back to bed and even cuddled me till morning…in my head I was just like i’m lucky this didn’t happen the 1st time I slept over..

    • Blue

      July 4, 2015 at 7:52 am

      Trust me, your bae is the one.

  4. Tunmi

    July 3, 2015 at 8:41 pm

    “there is also the case of diminished bride price. No parent wants their daughter to be paid lesser than the original fair value simply because Oga bobo has already had a taste of the apple pie.”

    I think a part of me died at this part. Of course, the man’s worth will never diminish.

    • EllesarisEllendil

      July 3, 2015 at 9:37 pm

      EEEYAH, come back to life, ndo. Men also don’t give birth, some things are as they are. Live with it. If your SO decides to bargain with your worth because he seduced you before marriage or another guy did, I would recommend not marrying him because he already undervalues you.

      To me the bride-price setting should be viewed as a test for both parties, but what do I know, the system favours me anyways, so take my words with a pinch of Salt.

    • Person

      July 4, 2015 at 1:31 am

      This is exactly what I said on another post. BellaNaija ‘secretly’ supports misogyny and patriarchy. Except they don’t have editors. Or else will you explain that part of the article?

    • Tari

      July 4, 2015 at 7:23 pm

      BN, please stop censoring my comments.
      I get easily irritated at censored debates. It is an oxymoron and i am allergic to it.
      I guess i need to retreat to my little corner. Yhat is the end of my short stay here.

    • SA girl

      July 4, 2015 at 10:44 pm

      I agree 100% with you reading this article not to be hyperbolic was sickening.

    • Lois

      July 8, 2015 at 11:39 am

      ‘secretly’ you typed? BellaNaija is a forum created by people who were raised in a Patriarchal society. I am sure they feel no shame about that. This is a reality we live with in Nigeria an many other societies in the World. I have read about Matrilineal and other mixed societies right on this blog and i think they have been fair enough and have stayed unbiased in even what seem alien to the culture of their locality.

  5. FasholasLover

    July 3, 2015 at 8:44 pm

    I beg, l gave up after reading the first few lines. Is a spouse not a wife or a husband? Why will you not sleep in “your house” If this person is your spouse, the assumption is that you are married. No??

    BN, due diligence pls!

  6. Prmx

    July 3, 2015 at 8:50 pm

    Abeg i love sleep overs joor…i and boo are in a long distance relationship so where do you suggest i stay when i go visiting ehn?!lol. Asides that,there is this intimacy curling up into each others arms through the night,sharing those long tongue twirling kisses amidst sleepy eyes brings lol Its just nice sha. No sex yet but we do other things hehe…..and oh yeah,it was such a relief to discover bae doesn’t snore cos that’s a deal breaker for me o as stupid as it sounds.

    Nice article Q.

    • CovertNigerian

      July 3, 2015 at 9:24 pm

      Haha…other tins ke? Wetin remain again?

    • Tari

      July 3, 2015 at 10:42 pm

      BJ is not sex, according to Bill Clinton.

    • Tosin

      July 3, 2015 at 11:32 pm

      @Tari : you reading me brain waves 🙂 lifelib.blogspot.com/2015/07/over-sharing-highlights-from-one-year.html

    • nene

      July 4, 2015 at 8:14 pm

      lmfao

    • tobiloba

      July 9, 2015 at 10:18 am

      @prmx, do i know you? lol

  7. onetallgirl

    July 3, 2015 at 9:24 pm

    I don’t thing is it necessary to sleep over, just hang out at your boo’s house all day then go home simple.

    • Doxa

      July 4, 2015 at 9:27 am

      Sometimes I ask, dont people make love in the afternoon?

    • Tari

      July 4, 2015 at 3:42 pm

      Nothing as sweet as early morning glory.

  8. pam

    July 3, 2015 at 9:32 pm

    I wonder why people find it so difficult to believe that it’s possible for two grown people to sleep together on the same bed without having sex. When it seems so strange to people, I start to wonder if my sweetheart and I are normal so o. Lol. We’re so determined not to have sex before marriage (both virgins), we’ve spent countless nights together but we have been able to hold back on actual sex. We’ve had times where we fell and had intense making out sessions but sometimes we even manage not to. I’m actually getting used to sleeping on the same bed with him without making a move and also saying no when he makes a move. Sometimes I fear that may affect us in marriage when we’re actually fully licensed to do the do. Please anyone out there in my shoes?

    • Tari

      July 3, 2015 at 10:46 pm

      Absolutely nothing do una.
      Don’t be deceived otherwise.
      You are not alone. If Both of you decide to screw yourselves tomorrow too, nothing still do una.

    • demashi

      July 4, 2015 at 9:02 am

      We were in your shoes Pam. My wife started having sleepovers in my parents house when the visits during our dating period became more frequent and longer. It was actually encouraged by my parents and her mum was fine with it. I mean, we had been dating for 3 years and our introduction was just a few months ahead. She also did spend a week at a stretch when it was thought our place was more conducive when preparing for an exam. Truth is, it increased the bond between her and my mum. When I moved to my place months before our wedding, the sleepovers stopped cos she could easily retire back to her place from my new location. We never had sex cos we knew the bounds and struggled to keep it. Sometimes when we get to close, I just roll off the bed. We’ve been married for over a decade now.

    • Papacy

      July 5, 2015 at 12:41 pm

      I don’t get this. You won’t have sex but u will sleep over to bond wt ur spouse’s family abi to study ur spouse’s REM cycle and snoring habits? Biko. Owa o! Make I comot this bus!

    • keny

      July 4, 2015 at 4:52 pm

      This is so me

    • Authentic 'Sunshine

      July 5, 2015 at 9:15 am

      Please someone educate me: Is coital penetration the only act considered as sex/ lovemaking? . You make out, heavy petting, anal penetration, kiss, oral everything, fingered up and down, masturbated for the nation and simply because he has not penetrated – dick to opio, you’ve not had sex?

  9. EllesarisEllendil

    July 3, 2015 at 9:39 pm

    Sleeping over just isn’t for me. Catholic rules and all that, you are however welcome to inspect my House and eat my food, stay as long as you want, but not overnight.

    If you want to know me better ask questions, thought that was what that was for?

  10. EllesarisEllendil

    July 3, 2015 at 9:40 pm

    BTW “Q”. Somebody watched a ton of James Bond films growing up.

  11. Anon

    July 3, 2015 at 9:53 pm

    Sorry, but I thought the word “spouse” was for married folks. Got me a bit confused at first. Well, back to the main topic. Usually it’s ideal, not to but if you must, let it be as minimal as possible

    • Tari

      July 4, 2015 at 7:14 pm

      It can only be minimal if the thing no sweet.
      Once tasted, no going back.
      Best to leave it until the knot is tied.

  12. mama nony

    July 3, 2015 at 10:15 pm

    Basically it’s a personal decision, you might not find anything if you are searching

  13. xxxxx

    July 3, 2015 at 10:24 pm

    Ok this is totally off topic, but i just need some clarity.

    Pls if you are a V but you still do stuff with your bf i.e fingers… are you still in the same category as the ‘Vs’ who haven’t even done anything at all? Cos its still penetration isn’t it? I mean before i did it with the ex, the fingers were used and when we finally did it….it didn’t hurt neither did i bleed…….sooo perhaps i had lost it without even knowing.

    I have been forming celibate for 4 yrs now but i have done some stuff…again ‘fingers’ once or twice. . Does that still count or i am just deceiving myself. lol’

    • Tosin

      July 5, 2015 at 10:28 am

      allll goooo to hellll hawhawhaw. just kidding. there is some scholarly work by W.J. Clinton on this topic. just kidding again. ok, tell us about the fingering, depends how many fingers lol ok i’m out.

  14. Great Lady

    July 3, 2015 at 10:39 pm

    @Pam. It won’t take long before you guys eventually have sex. If you both are determined not to have sex before marriage, then don’t put yourselves in positions or circumstances that will aid that decision. To wait until marriage, to have sex there has to be ground rules that must be followed strictly.

    • pam

      July 4, 2015 at 5:55 pm

      Actually we’ve been together for 4 years and we’re getting married soon. If we had the will power to hold back all along, there’s no demon that can make it happen now that we’re only counting months. I usually say ‘man know thyself’.

  15. Californiabawlar

    July 3, 2015 at 10:51 pm

    Sleepover for me is sleeping under the comforter, bros sleeping on it…and next morning he starts threatening/complaining/teasing about the amount of restraint it takes to keep doing ‘this’ and I dare him to ‘try it na’ …lol.

    I think sleepovers are really cute and there’s a certain amount of intimacy it brings 🙂

  16. sleep ko over ni

    July 3, 2015 at 11:45 pm

    whether you start today or tomorrow to be doing sleepover as bf/gf, it wont change the outcome of your marriage (if that’s where you’re heading). i’m speaking from a woman’s perspective…. you can have intense conversations with a guy over the phone. in fact you can have intimate conversations over dinner. you don’t need to go to his apartment or lie in his bed to tell whether he will make a good husband. cock and bull tori for the gods. see women, we need to stop this rubbish game of “Lord I surrender to your will” but let me check for myself whether this guy get am. I’m 24, and right now i’m talking to a guy that i’m seriously considering getting married to. the most physical contact i’ve had with him is a hug….and a side one at that. no frontal anything. in fact, i don’t plan to kiss him on the cheek until we are engaged not to talk of a kiss on the lips…that one we will accomplish at the altar. i know this guy, i understand him, i can tell the type of husband he will make. i’ve never done anything with him but i know we have chemistry. ive never cuddled him but i can tell he’s a big softie and would love cuddling after we are married. the point is, if you tell yourself you don’t want to do anything before marriage….dont cut corners. don’t mock God. the insight you get lying in his bed and doing comforter wars, is incomparable to the insight you will get from God when He sees that you are honoring yourself and your body.

    Anyway, they say actions speak louder than words. If i get married to this guy, i will revisit this post and let ya’ll know how successful it turned out….and how great our intimate life is even though we didnt make out until our wedding night. He that walketh by Faith……

    • MC

      July 4, 2015 at 11:39 am

      You’re talking to a guy that you are strongly considering getting married to?
      Talking….just talking?
      Not dating? Not in a relationship with? But talking?
      Hmmmm how interesting.

    • maromec

      July 4, 2015 at 1:08 pm

      ALL you listed still doesn’t guarantee a successful marriage.If you have never experienced marriage,then you haven’t.But try and know the size of his manhood.it matters a lot, dont go crying from one place to another ….

    • Tari

      July 4, 2015 at 3:41 pm

      Size does not matter. Usage is the koko.

    • lol

      July 5, 2015 at 5:21 am

      Cuddle ke! Please update us on this when you two become one.

    • Lois

      July 8, 2015 at 11:54 am

      I am in my mid-late 30s and has been married for 8 years ad I submit to you that ‘talking’ is not enough for someone you are considering to marry. Sleeping over is not the same as co-habiting and does not necessarily mean you will engage in ‘unholy intimacy’ with your man. All depends on your will, convictions and understanding with your partner. One size does not fit all in a relationship. Sleeping-over many times have brought to fore or unraveled many issues that would never have been visible while ‘dating out-doors or even in-doors’. Ask older women and you will know what sleep-overs have done to save them, salvage them or even help them.

    • Miss Magic

      July 9, 2015 at 4:08 pm

      I agree with you Lois.. I was in a serious relationship with a guy for about 10 weeks, he declared he’s intentions from day one, so right from the start we both knew where the relationship was headed. He was a really nice person (or so he seemed), focused, intelligent, matured, strong christian by all definitions in naija..lol and not bad looking….infact, I felt he was God sent, so though I didn’t like him from the beginning and wasn’t particularly attracted to him, I felt I should try dating him.

      Fast forward four weeks into the relationship, I saw him in a new light. Think his attractive personality made me attracted to him physically and I really started liking him. Infact, I couldn’t wait to kiss him.

      By the fifth week, we both went for he’s friend’s birthday party and left the party really late. Since his house was close to his friend’s and mine was far, he convinced me to spend the night. Well at least I felt it would give me time to get to know him better in an intimate kinda way (not sex oh).

      Before we went to bed, he told me I could sleep alone in his room, while he sleeps in another room, if that made more more comfortable. What a gentleman I thought and of course I told him it was fine, he could join me on the bed. We said a prayer, which he orchestrated (another plus for him I though) and said goodnight.

      About 30 minutes later, I noticed someone touching me, initially I responded then he started trying to take my clothes off. Ha, in my mind I said ‘nawa bros take it easy na’…I then told him ‘baby please i’m tired’ and he became even more aggressive. After much struggles, he let out a loud hiss, left his hold on me and went to the far end of the bed. At that point, I decided that this was definitely not the kind of guy I want to spend the rest of my life with. Though he apologized the next day, but my mind was made up. I think spending the night with him made me see another side of him which I might never have seen if I just went ahead and married him. To some, this might seem like a simple mistake, but his attitude that night was too different from the guy I knew, made me wonder what else he was hiding from me.

      This is definitely the longest post i’ve ever written on Bella, but maybe one or two persons can learn from my experience. It’s really easy to say wonderful things about yourself or even act like Mr/Mrs Perfect, but in my opinion, it’s very important to see how that person acts when his/her guards are down. If that means spending the night, please go ahead!

  17. jessica

    July 4, 2015 at 12:07 am

    I have no experience in this so I believe my opinion shd really lie low. anyhow girl m feeling ure post, u cracked me up from d beginning

  18. Donthavetimeforrubbish.

    July 4, 2015 at 2:41 am

    when the option of relief is am arm length away.No No No No No..dont even go there, don’t even attempt to tell yourself you have willpower

  19. Tife

    July 4, 2015 at 4:42 am

    Wait y’all…..how does sleep over equate having sex….there pple that who do not sleep over and still have sex na…..abi??

  20. fleur

    July 4, 2015 at 6:24 am

    Unfortunately, I had low tolerance for poor writing while reading this. It is at best disjointed in terms of having a real story line. It was everywhere – sex, sleep walking, snoring, etc. I was not sure what story you were trying to tell. For that reason, the essay seems forced, contrived. The part about your friend calling you to ask for a ride and hanging up in particular seems unreal. The tone you tried to adopt does not go with your writing. You tried to be flippant and amusing yet your writing style in this piece did not permit this. I am not going to excessively analyze the piece. A few words of advice. Be inspired when you write or else dont write. Take a breather and wait until you are inspired. Great writing comes from a place of passion…….and great technique of course. Even the best writers fail when they dont feel and channel the passion. Sorry to be a downer but criticism is intended to make you stronger and better. Use it to your advantage.

    • Tari

      July 4, 2015 at 3:39 pm

      You harsh o.

  21. Daniel

    July 4, 2015 at 7:21 am

    I think it’s a personal decision

  22. demashi

    July 4, 2015 at 9:05 am

    One another note, great topic but you’re trying too hard to write like Isio

    • Debee!

      July 4, 2015 at 10:55 am

      Wow! You just read my mind,

    • Anonymous

      July 4, 2015 at 12:15 pm

      True

    • Tari

      July 4, 2015 at 7:18 pm

      So, it is now Isio’s style?
      There is nothing original about that style, Isio is not the owner, as good a writer as she is relatively speaking.

  23. Ogo

    July 4, 2015 at 10:57 am

    I usually never leave comments here but I would say this is one of the best articles I have read in a while. Really educative and funny at the same time. And the comments are just hilarious.
    Well, the sleepover issue seems like a big deal because of our generation and our parents feel that when they tell you don’t sleep at a man’s place and you don’t then you are a good child.
    For crying out loud don’t people have sex during the day? Must it be at night? If two people are to get married how do you know yourselves completely if you don’t sleep on the same bed to know if he snores for instance and if she turns to snake at night? Hahahahahahaha. That’s why nowadays you would see a marriage of two months crashing and they are saying we didn’t know each other. What were they doing while dating? Only going to fast foods and watching movies and pretending to be perfect.
    For me I have known my fiancé for about a year and we are getting married soon. its a short period but I would say we have been able to understand ourselves so well and this has been made possible cox though we don’t cohabit, we most of the times spend the night together and of course we have agreed not to have sex until the wedding though it’s not been easy.
    Talking about these things can be very vital and not pretending cox both parties are human beings and they both have feelings.
    When I was in naija there was no way my mum would have said you can sleep at your boyfriend’s place but now she would keep on telling me you guys should know yourselves o. Then I had to ask her one day, mum how would that be possible? She was reluctant to answer initially then she said well you are a child of God and a big girl, you guys can spend the night together, talk,play but you can avoid sex. Just pet your man and tell him your wedding isn’t far again and I just burst out laughing saying we would talk then break melon. Hahahahahahaha!
    Anyway, from that day I have become more open to her so I would say our parents also have a role to play.

    • Ada_ugo

      July 4, 2015 at 3:03 pm

      why do you keep writing “cox”?

  24. berger n akara

    July 4, 2015 at 3:58 pm

    sleeping over is not a bad thing jor! boo and I work monday to friday .. we live in the same city but so far from each other.. so you mean to tell me I should not carry my bow legs to his apt friday evening and come home on sunday night ? lol its been 3 months now and he snoresssss but i just have to pinch him and he behaves himself. we still havent had sex so “sleeping over” does not always mean pounding time..as Prmx said.. we do other things 🙂 ..

    • Tari

      July 4, 2015 at 7:17 pm

      other things like BJ?
      I hope you ladies know it is is not completely safe? Whether he comes in your mouth or not.

  25. Diddy

    July 4, 2015 at 4:28 pm

    i just love your surname

  26. Jojononz

    July 4, 2015 at 4:49 pm

    Na wah oooooo …………..No one is having sex before marriage, then who is having sex? Ha awon eniyan sha…..it is well even in the well.

    • ihedima

      July 4, 2015 at 5:48 pm

      my dear, the saints on bella naija though……. No one is having sex plus some are about to get married without as much as hugging their hubby to be…. Most of you are anonymous , you can like to be truthful, no one will judge you.. i was in a long distance relationnship, now long distace marriage.. Sleepovers were very important for us. If you see DH and i planning our sleepovers, you would think its something else.. fun times…. hehe….

    • chichi

      July 4, 2015 at 8:43 pm

      LOL. My dear,THOUSANDS visit this blog. If you are looking for ppl having sex, click on other articles and you will find them. Why is it so hard to believe that there are chaste ppl out there? Is there something you are insecure about?
      Please can ppl not practicing premarital sex talk without yall discrediting them?

    • Kili

      July 5, 2015 at 1:10 am

      I am.

  27. Dee

    July 4, 2015 at 7:19 pm

    Please, don’t be ridiculous. A woman is NOT naive to think that spending the night at her BF’s place is okay.

  28. ibkgeorge

    July 4, 2015 at 7:47 pm

    Its up to you…

  29. ify

    July 4, 2015 at 8:18 pm

    Really nice article!it hits the truth without missing

  30. vee

    July 4, 2015 at 9:13 pm

    I like the the the picture

  31. omawunmi

    July 4, 2015 at 9:31 pm

    So I sent a comment about having sex first night. apparently bellanaija is censoring.# issorait.

  32. Teee_xx

    July 5, 2015 at 1:54 am

    Sleeping over at Bae’s doesn’t make you naive .
    Choosing not to sleep over doesn’t make you better than those who do, it depends on the priorities you both set for the relationship and yourselves.
    We’ve been dating for 3 months now with a number of sleepovers and we’ve not even french-kissed ^_^
    It takes understanding and knowing your limits….

  33. persia

    July 5, 2015 at 11:00 am

    nice article ooo. i love it. I don’t see it bad crashing @ oga bobo’s house sha. that snoring sha.toh nowhere to run to after marriage. what if he salivates in his sleep. sleep over most Times doesn’t necessarilly mean sex.

  34. Ugo

    July 5, 2015 at 12:49 pm

    Lol all u bellanaija commentors r so funny. Una all don turn to spiro….ok ooooo!!!

  35. Sea

    July 5, 2015 at 1:34 pm

    LOL, my take on this is very simple, if you have been in a relationship for a year or more, I think its only logical that you sleep over once in a while. No one is saying become a part time house member. Its just like saying ‘if we go on a vacation together, do we sleep in the same room?’ please can we be realistic, even if you stay at your partners house 24/7 you can really never finish knowing someone, even as time goes on you learn new things about yourself. So this being said, it is a matter of opinions and perspectives. you can sleep over in your partners house in my opinion. The truth is most parents say don’t because of sex but to be honest, if you want to do anything, it does not take a sleepover, staying the whole day alone together can cause you to have this same sex we are talking about. So i guess we should broaden our scopes on relationships, everything does not necessarily ball down to nakedness. Except you have no adequate self control and you do not know what you want. I think sex is really not the issue, neither is a matter of i will know him or her better. Its just something you do because you just want to stay with the person you like or love. Not like you see each other everyday. People are busy.

  36. Engr.Danny

    July 5, 2015 at 7:33 pm

    Sleeping over isn’t a biggie, the big deal here is discipline in a relationship. First of all, we’ve got to define our relationships with mutual boundaries and limits understood. With that in place, there should be no fears in sleeping over. Pls if u can’t be disciplined enough or don’t trust ur partner to be then sleeping over is a no no! However, it actually helps to know ur patner more. Thanks.

  37. Engr.Danny

    July 5, 2015 at 8:24 pm

    Sleeping over isn’t a biggie, the big deal here is discipline in a relationship. First of all, we’ve got to define our relationships with mutual boundaries and limits understood. With that in place, there should be no fears in sleeping over. Pls if u can’t be disciplined enough or don’t trust ur partner to be then sleeping over is a no no! However, it actually helps to know ur partner more. Thanks.

  38. From a side chicks point of view

    July 6, 2015 at 3:39 pm

    This is a very interesting but tricky topic…

    You can decide to be hollier than thou and not sleep over at le boo’s house because you are saving in for wedding night and you can be the baddest girl and just do the damn thing every now and then (during sleepovers or even afternoon quickies…lol)

    My issue is when you now move completely into le boo’s house; your clothes in the wardrobe, toiletries in the bathrooms and so on just because he promised you you guys will be married. A girl that will sleep with your man doesn’t care about the things you have displayed in the house. Please don’t be fooled that doesn’t secure your place as the Mrs at all… Most of these women don’t understand that men gets choked up quick easily, they also need their space… don’t be surprised if the reason he’s entertaining you is because you can cook, eventually he might not even marry you. Come sleep once a while, he should come to you place too… stay away from each other for weeks that way you miss each other… And trust me by keeping this distance, if it happens that he eventually breaks your heart, you get over it faster… rather than you going back to pack your pots, crockery, cutlery, tooth brush and underwear to make space for the next girl coming in

  39. red

    July 6, 2015 at 4:56 pm

    una don spoil finish for BN. loool *tongue out*

  40. red

    July 6, 2015 at 5:02 pm

    anyway for me, i never say never. i don’t buy the idea of sleeping over but i know that a situation may arise where ill have to sleep over or sth. i used to sleep over at my ex’s parents house bcs their house was far from mine. my spirikoko cousin also slept in her fiance’s house once, they went out together and it was late, though she stayed there with her friend acting as the chaperon, she and her friend in a separate room and the guy in his own room. nothing may have happened in they had slept on d same bed but they were trying to cut off wagging tongues..at least..there was a witness with them.
    all these things sef no get hard and fast rules, just do the right thing at every circumstance you find yourself in.. really its not advisable but if you find yourself in such, abeg apply caution.

  41. St

    July 6, 2015 at 6:59 pm

    please…not to mock u,,,just wanna ask, Are you a virgin?

    • red

      July 7, 2015 at 9:17 am

      that question sint for me right?

  42. red

    July 7, 2015 at 9:17 am

    isn’t**

  43. Chinexy

    July 12, 2015 at 8:44 am

    Q, thumbs up. U really getting us (guys n babe) with your write up.
    For me, as much as I will suggest sleep over, I will also advice it should b done with smone u have intimate relationship wit cos dats d only way u really get to know who ur other half is.
    Keep up d good work.

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