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Aunty Bella: Mrs. My Mum is Butting Into My Marriage

BellaNaija.com

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Aunty Bella is our  agony aunt column on BellaNaija. We launched this column in the early days of BN and periodically feature issues sent in by BN readers. We hope the BN family can offer insightful advice as well.

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I have been married for 3 years now to a wonderful man. We have been blessed with a baby who is almost a year old now.
After the birth of our baby, my Mum agreed to retire voluntarily to take care of our baby when it was time for me to resume work. She’s been doing this job of taking care of our baby with so much love.

However, there is a problem. My Mum is trying to control my marriage. She has an opinion on every single issue and she’s not shy to express it. She confronts my husband concerning issues which should be handled by me. My husband has complained about that, and I try to explain to my Mum that, she should not address my Hubby personally but to rather do so through me. She often gets offended and complains that my Hubby is like her Son, and that I am trying to tame her. I try to make her understand that he is the Head of my family and should be treated so. She sometimes makes statement s that are very disrespectful about my Hubby. Once during an argument with her, I got so upset that I told her that she was trying to destroy my marriage and that she should learn to stick to the reason why she is living with us. She was so hurt by my outburst and frankly I felt really bad as well. I apologized afterwards and she did same and promised to do better.

The situation has improved a bit and we don’t argue so much now. However, yesternight, hubby and I decided to get a bit intimate and my Mum acted in a way which was as if she was trying to prevent that. We live in a 2 bedroom apartment, she has one bedroom to herself while Hubby, myself and baby share the other. As baby was asleep yesternight, we had no choice but to do our stuff in the parlour. This was around 10:30 pm. Just when things were getting steamy, she called me. We had to pause for me to go find out what she wanted, she obviously didn’t have any reason for calling me as she asked a very trivial question. After answering her and going back to continue, she stepped out of her room and went to the washroom which is quite close to the parlour.

Later after the Mister and I were done, I quietly stepped into her room to pick something. It was almost midnight by then and I thought she was asleep by then. She wasn’t. She proceeded to ask if I was exercising, when I asked why she was asking such a question, she went ahead to say she thought I was skipping rope… I was shocked and it definitely won the most awkward moment ever.

I ended up informing hubby about my Mum’s questions as he noticed I was in a strange mood when I got back.
Hubby is really upset now and I can only imagine what might be going on in his head.
I feel so bad that he has to put up with my Mum’s attitude. Though I’ve had a few brushes with his family, he tries to prevent any of them from giving me stress. Whereas I seem to be unable to call my Mum to order.
My Mum is generally a good person and I love her so much but sometimes, I wish I could love her from afar.
She is going to be around for another year, till baby is old enough to start school. I really need to know how to handle her and still keep my nuclear family happy.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Mimagephotography

103 Comments

  1. ElessarisEllendil

    August 21, 2015 at 2:56 pm

    Trust me on this, you need to “respectfully” kick your Mother out. Mothers are always the last to realise you’re an adult.

    • Anon

      August 22, 2015 at 11:47 am

      Amen!!

    • jide

      August 22, 2015 at 2:26 pm

      Nasty girl having sex in the living room while her mom can hear her. Something has to give. You can’t have free Omo odo a.k.a and then complain your free Omo odo is not minding her beeswax. Abeg. Stop freeloading and hire a nanny you can pay to mind her business. Hate it when people bring their parents to do nanny duties and want to lock mama o ni mama in the basement. Oshi ati iranu

  2. AnnieRose

    August 21, 2015 at 3:04 pm

    Finally, a real issue unlike the ones we ve been having so far here.

    • Blah blah

      August 21, 2015 at 3:39 pm

      Finally a real issue? Why?! Because it has to do with marriage. It’s only when it’s a marital issue it is suddenly real. You realise everyone’s issue is the most important in their eyes right? I for one think this is such a non-issue. I would have kicked my mom out tete. In fact my father would have ordered her back home since.
      If your dad is in the picture tell him to call her to order. And be ready to give her a fat allowance monthly cos she retired cos of you.
      Real issue ko real issue ni.

    • Kadara

      August 21, 2015 at 6:37 pm

      Having sex in the living room while your Mum is in the bedroom is gross! You should rather have stayed in the room and try not to wake your son, you should also consider how uncomfortable the situation must have been for your Mum. Also going back to tell your husband what she said was wrong since you know he already has problems with her. You should cover up your Mum’s flaws from him not calling his attention to them.

      You people are enjoying the free nanny part so you must learn to cut her some slack or get yourself a nanny that will know her place. Your husband should remember that while she may be annoying like most mothers are she is making a big sacrifice for you guys. Best thing is help Mum get back to her life, help her with money to start a small business if that’s what she wants. And Let her go back to her own home and have her own interests. Go and get a nanny, your a mummy has helped for long enough

  3. l

    August 21, 2015 at 3:06 pm

    tell ur mumsy to leave and get a professional nany that could help, she doesnt have to live with you in order to save your family.

  4. thatafricanchic

    August 21, 2015 at 3:06 pm

    You have CLEARLY failed to draw a line. You discuss too many things with your Mom and why does she have to know about what is going in your family. Let all your arguments start & end in the bedroom. Dont involve her in any discussions. If she doesnt know anything she obviously cant butt her mouth into your issues.

    Work on this before your husband says enough is enough

  5. Tife

    August 21, 2015 at 3:07 pm

    Why dont you send your mum back to house, drop ur kid there weekdays and pick him/her for weekend?? I love my mum to the moon and back, she is my all in all, but when i get married, i doubt i’d want her living with me

  6. ada

    August 21, 2015 at 3:09 pm

    hasnt her omugwo finished? or is she staying there permanently..the issue is if the house has a lot of space she can be in basement or in her seprate area…it wont stop so just find a nanny..sometimes u pay for a nanny to avoid all that..

    • basement kwa

      August 21, 2015 at 4:58 pm

      Basement ke! You want her to lock her mother underground ?

    • ada

      August 22, 2015 at 10:55 am

      there are some amazing basement apartments..wer she can hve her separate living room kitchen and bathroom..am not referring to any rubbish basement..

  7. Thatgidigirl

    August 21, 2015 at 3:23 pm

    So who is taking care of your dad? (I’m assuming your dad is in the picture). There’s only so much your husband can take before insulting her, and when that time comes you would be forced to choose.

  8. Ana

    August 21, 2015 at 3:25 pm

    @ where u skipping…..cracked me up big time….I think u need to do away with whatever services she’s rendering…..your marriage is still young to be having issues with a 3rd party..she raised her family she should allow you raise yours too….. Maybe u guys should go on a vacation so she can be out of the house as well and on return u ensure she’s isn’t coming back to live with you…you have to let her out wisely so she doesn’t hold anything against you.

    • Sugar

      August 21, 2015 at 5:47 pm

      The sex knacking must be so loud for mama to hear skipping sounds. Cheiiiiiiiiiii

  9. KENNY

    August 21, 2015 at 3:25 pm

    ARE YOU MARRIED TO YOUR MUM OR TO YOUR HUSBAND?

    HOW OLD ARE YOU SEF?

    WHEN YOU ARE READY FOR MARRIAGE, BUY FLIGHT TICKET FOR YOUR MUMMY OR GO TO CHISCO PARK… BETTER STILL THE ”YOUNG SHALL GROW”. MAYBE YOU WILL UNDERSTAND BETTER AFTER STUDYING THE NAME CAREFULLY. DO THE OMUGWO BY YASELF.

  10. Ninni

    August 21, 2015 at 3:29 pm

    I believe you shd appeal to your Mom to return to her space… everyone needs their space… as far as your child is concerned, there are other ways the baby can be taken care of… it doesnt have to start n end with her or anyone for that matter staying over.

    If you happen to take-in and have another one, isnt that asking her to stay put for another 3years?

    Sometimes, we working moms need to realize that we cant have it all…. and for what we cant have…. we shd be prepared to PAY for it. afterall…. thats why we are working.

    Get a good creche or nanny to take the position, and let you Mom live her life and enjoy been a GrandMa that she is and not a Nanny that you have turned her to be.

    cheers

    • dami

      August 21, 2015 at 8:48 pm

      Love! Love your comment. My tots exactly except for the fact that i think your mum has been gracious to you to a large extent. Its time you let her enjoy her grannyhood not nannyhood

  11. ChiChiChilolo

    August 21, 2015 at 3:30 pm

    Hmmmn. Matter for ground. You must draw healthy boundaries between yourself and your mom. Your marriage depends on it. It might be a good thing. Abeg play card for there! Find a away to stay at peace with her! She came visiting and will certainly go one day! Ora biaru ije nwe una! Pepper ose oku! In order to solve the problem of the mother interfering in her married daughter’s life in ways that may spoil her life, she and her husband should pay attention to a number of things, including the following:

    1 – Direct advice from the daughter or her husband to the mother not to interfere in their lives, telling her that this is not permissible for her, and that this interference may lead to the couple splitting up.

    2 – Telling the father (the mother’s husband) that he must stop his wife from interfering in the life of her daughter and her husband.

    3 – Hinting to the mother, or even warning her, that if she continues to interfere in their lives, then the husband will stop her from visiting her daughter or getting in touch with her, and he will also stop his wife and children from visiting her mother. This will clearly demonstrate the strength of character of the husband and wife, and it will prevent the mother from interfering in a negative way in their lives.

    4 – It is essential that the couple work out together how to deal with this problem and that neither of them tries to solve it on his or her own without the other. This problem concerns both parties, so it needs a common strategy to deal with it.

    5 – They should consult the mother with regard to some matters, and ask for her advice, so that the relationship between them will remain with limits, and so that she will know that her involvement is not rejected completely, and that they may need her in some cases. This will give her confidence and maintain contact, whilst preventing negative interference.

    6 – Reducing the number of visits and contact with the mother, and when the visit does take place, there should be a focus on talking about useful things, advice and reminders to do acts of obedience, and avoid sins and bad deeds.

    It is indeed well.

  12. mrs chidukane

    August 21, 2015 at 3:35 pm

    I love the were you skipping question. Talk to her and draw the line on most of the things you tell her about your relationship with your husband. Finding reliable help isn’t easy so I wouldn’t be too quick to send her away. Just keep talking to her, reduce the way you complain about her to your husband so he doesn’t hate her and don’t let her into your marital issues and gist. If all these don’t work or things get worse, you can then consider asking her to leave for the sake of your marriage.

  13. miss Pynk

    August 21, 2015 at 3:36 pm

    This is a reason why you never ask folks to make big sacrifices for you. You should have never let your mom leave her hob to become a full time caregiver to your child. As far as she is concerned you are her child and a child itrepsective of your age….better offer her an out in terms of a trade or ask her what else she wants to do with herself since she has no work togo back to. You can’t ask her to leave without helping to either find and fund a purpose for her or both. The more occupied she is, the less likely she is to be in your business because she is busyliving her own life.

    My mother is almost 60 and doing a 2nd masters with plans for a phd…we live in the same city and I have to book an appointment to see her literally. The busier people are, the less time they have to examine your situation whether good or bad fully.

    My advise to you is to tell your mom you want baby to start going to daycare or school so baby can mingle, but you are worried she will be bored, so what does she have an interest in doing. If itinvolves money, better be ready to pay it so she can spend half her time doing something else. Even if you can’t move her out of your house completely she is out of your hair part of the time. And gradually ease her out of the house.

    http://www.pynk360.com

  14. nnewisisi

    August 21, 2015 at 3:38 pm

    But why would you and your hubby be having sex in the living room when you know an adult is in the next room not too far and anything can happen. Take your son to daycare and ask ur mum to go before ur marriage will be over

    • Eze

      August 21, 2015 at 6:12 pm

      Read the article well

  15. Audrey

    August 21, 2015 at 3:38 pm

    Reading this, I realised how impatient I am.
    Your mom is menopausal and bored, she will definitely become mischievous and nosy. Respectfully send her back home. You’re sitting on a time bomb; she sees your husband as her son, her son! most likely as a little child just as she sees you. Be wise my sister.

  16. buzor

    August 21, 2015 at 3:45 pm

    My dear, a day is big enough to break a marriage talk more of a year…you said she stil have up to a yr to stay on-till the baby come of age. my dear it better you pay somebody monthly than lose happiness with ur husband cos of ur mother…as sombodly rightly said mother are the last people to understand wen they r over stepping…she will feel bad wen you tell her to leave but it won’t last (dat is if u do it in a mature way) but the fact remains her place is not in dat house no matter wat she does..she can do three good things and spoil them with five things … my dear solve this issue nw

  17. fan

    August 21, 2015 at 3:45 pm

    You have to endure till she leaves,you made a mistake for allowing her to over stayed at the first place.Any action you take now will be held against you,if it’s possible let her go for a break.

  18. whocares

    August 21, 2015 at 3:48 pm

    I try not to give advise to married people as it seems that I have permanently pitched my tent at the #teambaeless camp, and this issue is such a sensitive one as well. At first I thought, “your mom has an opinion, that’s not so bad, whose mother doesn’t”? but then I read about coitus interruptus.. your mom has to go. Of course if she has retired to voluntarily look after your child you will come across as selfish. Maybe before she leaves, you could suggest she volunteer, that way she gets out more, meets new friends? If she has other things to do she might not be so involved in your business (I am assuming that your mother has left her geographic location to move in with your family and child care is EXTREMELY boring so she might need a hobby or friends) If that does not work, and you cannot afford a separate apartment for her, then thank her for her help so far, because let’s face it, the amount of headache she has saved you on childcare. Your son is 1 now. He can mingle with other kids at daycare?n’est pas? get a nanny, get a nanny cam and hope for the best. I would say discuss it with your mother but from what I have read so far, she will give you an incredibly drool look and ask you what you are talking about.

  19. *Real* Nice Anon

    August 21, 2015 at 3:51 pm

    You sound like a little child. Set your mother straight and quit acting like a child.

  20. Boladale

    August 21, 2015 at 3:56 pm

    If this happen to me, I will politely send my mum to her house, before my husband do it for me. This is because by the time your husband get fed up, the story wont be the same again.

  21. Viv

    August 21, 2015 at 3:58 pm

    Serious wahala……..plz send ur mum back#when i got married my mum insisted on coming with me to my husband’s house,traditionally ur mum should accompany u wit ur belongings to ur new house, but me i refused,after reporting me to all my Aunties n crying it still dint work……Am pregy but both mothers are permitted to spend 1month in my house.

  22. Fabulicious

    August 21, 2015 at 4:08 pm

    This is an exact case of someone I know,same thing only diference was that because her own mum was around,she then decided to use the opportunity and finish giving birth with mum as leave in nanny taking in 6months after each baby 3 good times.By then Mumsy has ready become part of nuclear family,when she started causing problems and was asked to leave, the woman’s mother insulted her and called her a baby making machine alongside other hurtful stuff. The fact that she retired to look after your baby no even fear you. She has used that one to stone you with guilty conscience. You are the one that failed to draw boundaries.You better look for a polite way to ask her to leave before your home falls apart.As it stands,you and hubby will definitely put her on you people’s payroll for life oooo even if she leaves while you find a trustworthy nanny to hire.

  23. Rachael E.E

    August 21, 2015 at 4:08 pm

    Mother in-laws!!! whatz always their problems ? Especially the ones who think they are rich and can do as they wish. Even when u think u have confided in them, they turn around to mock u. They want to control everything in their children’s homes. They think they know it all. .And when u don’t stick to their ideas, they term you evil. . One thing they forget is that, they have lived their lives and this is your own life. Never allow her ruin your home , because in the end, this will definitely imply you lived your whole life pleasing her. Is she God ??? Let her go to hell.. RUBBISH !!

    • Isabella

      August 21, 2015 at 4:30 pm

      Did you read the story at all, it’s her own mother. Na wa ooo/

    • me

      August 21, 2015 at 4:35 pm

      Mother, not MIL
      You were so quick to ascribe the problem to a MIL

  24. Rynyx

    August 21, 2015 at 4:23 pm

    First, if your mum must continue staying with you, you need to move the baby to her room and go nurse him/her there at night and when the need arises. that way, you and hubby can get freaky in your room.
    Next, there is almost no nice way to go about this, tell your mum to calm down. its easier for you that it was ur mum and not the MIL where you have to walk on eggshells in expressing your mind. my mum has these tendencies. i don’t even encourage it when it starts and she knows where to stop. you need to stand up to her for ur husbands sake. let her know that you will ask for her help running your home if and when you need it.
    where is ur father? or ur siblings? if your family is closely knit, call all of them and let them talk to her. call family meeting and cry. that ur marriage will scatter if she doesn’t stop. if that is not enough to help her relax, then…….no more ideas.

  25. Funniest thing is that

    August 21, 2015 at 4:25 pm

    Funniest thing is that a lady can never allow her MIL to stay in their house for over 1month but when it is her own mum, it is allowed. 3months, 6months, 1year,….. Ladies, see your life! If it is your MIL now, you will say she is a witch, she is this, she is that, but when it comes to your own people, it is allowed.

    Your husband is the first culprit. He is too gentle. If he didnt give room for that in the first place, your mum wouldn’t be around for that long

    You caused it as well. Your family (family of procreation )is the main priority now above your family of origin. If you want to marry your mother, fine, but if you want to continue staying with me, is either she goes or you both leave my house. Take a nanny, a younger sister or a relative to come stay with you.

    Let me tell you what will happen next, your husband wont feel at home any longer, he will stay out more, start having side chics and the rest would be history

    No time for nonsense.+

    • BlueEyed

      August 21, 2015 at 5:36 pm

      Thank you! These are the same women that will raise hell on their husbands if it were the other way round. MIL bashers I hail oh! come and save one of your sisters from her own household witch.

    • Mrs. T

      August 23, 2015 at 12:25 pm

      Funniest thing is that:
      You’re so right. People are so quick to attack their Mothers in-law. Some people, if their Mothers in-law should do something that they don’t like, even if its something their own Mothers will do even worse, they’ll start ranting. But it’s okay for their own side of the family to act annoying. Growing up, I grew up with 3 of My Mothers siblings living in my home, fine my home was gigantic and 20 people can live there and you won’t even know, but it was annoying. My Dad’s people were sort of “devilish”, and of course, they didn’t ever come around, but that didn’t mean My Mum’s siblings, not one, not two, but three should live with us. These people know are old and don’t allow their spouses relations live with them, smh! Honestly, I can’t even take it myself. We should stop the mentality of accommodating any BS our family members throw at us, but complain when it’s the “husband’s side” or “father’s side”. If it were your husband’s Mom doing all these, the whole universe will hear. Personally, there are certain types of help I reject, I rather do on my own. The help that’ll you’ll render to me, that you won’t allow me to rest for, or keep throwing it on my face, or keep reminding me of what you’re doing for me, I don’t want it, please. After 3 months max, your Mom shouldn’t be living with you. She has her life to live, you have yours. Get a nanny. When you husband starts keeping an affair, he’ll have something to say. Guys that look for any little opportunity to cheat.

  26. oh well

    August 21, 2015 at 4:42 pm

    Easy Peasy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    First of all,get a maid that will be sharing your mum’s present room with her. 2 weeks after your maid (who must be a sensible person not all this 8year olds from Togo) arrives,she hopefully knows the routine and how to take care of baby,send your child to a creche where u drop him/her on your way to work and pick up on your way back thereby leaving mama “jobless” at home.
    If she hasn’t gotten the message by then,Tell her you want to travel and use the opportunity to fumigate the house so everyone needs to leave the house. Shebi she will go to her house then……..

  27. tilda

    August 21, 2015 at 4:43 pm

    You want to eat your cake and have it.besides you , Your mum is the BEST person to take care of your kids. So here are your options
    1. Ask mum to fuck off. It’s the only way to stop her interfering. While she lives with you no amount of intervention will stop her interfering attitude.
    2. Give up work stay home and look after your kids. Discuss with hubby he’ll probably sing a different tune once he realises he’d be the only bread winner and you will too, when oga attitude changes towards you. You might regret it

    3. Get a house girl, to help you destroy your happy home, abuse your kids. Mind you uou will be paying hard cash for all mentioned services. Again discuss with hubby when he realises impact on finances he may suddenly become more accommodating of your mum.

    You have options each with a cost. Nobody can eat their cake and have it

  28. Lens

    August 21, 2015 at 4:48 pm

    Aunty!!! read the article well… Its her own mother not her mother in law

  29. Great Lady

    August 21, 2015 at 4:54 pm

    I think you know what to do you’re just afraid to carry it out. Let me spell it very clearly, your mum’s services are over. Let her go back home. Abi will she baby sit every baby you have? Babe be wise, before you destroy your home.

  30. Mabel

    August 21, 2015 at 4:56 pm

    Your mother appears to be someone with no filter whatsoever, she just says what she wants whenever she wants and then everybody else have to deal with it. This type of personality trait to me is a form of aggression and ugliness to be honest, the nice nasty people, who appear nice on the surface, but when you really get down deeper they are not so nice after all. That she would openly disrespect your husband in his own is quite telling, and that she would mock your husband’s and yours intimacy is just the same, considering that is the same intimacy which caused you to have a grandchild to present to her. Before your do anything, I think you and your husband and your child should take a weekend or even a week away, budget permitting, just you three to reconnect as a family. If your mother chooses to stay at the apartment or go back to her matrimonial home at that time, it is up to her. I feel some time away will do you all good, sometimes a change of scenery is what is needed, perhaps your mother wants some time away as well and do not know how to come out and say it so the resentment manifests in other ways.

    When you return from your trip, go about as normal, do not immediately do anything different, but after a couple weeks sit your mother down and let her know how you would like things to be in your home. keep a completely neutral, emotionless tone in your voice when you are speaking to her, but let her know what you need. Let her know how important it is for everyone to live harmoniously, Express your appreciation for everything she has done, and all, but stick to the script of yours and your husband’s needs.

  31. Manny

    August 21, 2015 at 5:00 pm

    The baby should have been sleeping in your mother’s room. You can go nurse her there.
    Having sex in the parlor with your mother a few feet away. You got the reaction you deserve ke.
    Your mother has a little bit of resentment against you … we assume that older women want nothing more than to sit at home nursing babies. Whereas, them girls just wanna have fun.
    If I were you, I would kneel down and beg her, that I’m sorry for being rude to her and that I realize that I have been giving her more to do that she signed up for. In essence, put the blame on me. And that now you realize it’s time for her to live her own life. Make sure to express appreciation. If your parents have their place, she should return there. If they don’t, you people might have to rent a place for her.
    If she now says no no no she’s not leaving, it’s okay, I’m afraid you and hubby will have to get a bigger place to rent.
    And if your husband is on your side, it’s time for him to start saying to her “let my wife handle it” anytime she goes to him directly.

  32. Zee

    August 21, 2015 at 5:15 pm

    Lol. simply analyse the issue and proffer solution, if wisdom is available
    Just stop the blame game biko..like she knew she would experience something like this

  33. Nonye

    August 21, 2015 at 5:17 pm

    My mum currently lives with me and she is with us because of my 18mths child. She usually camps for extended periods when I put to bed and stays for about 2 years on and off. The thing is, she lives about 40mins to 1hr away from us. To ensure my sanity, she stays only on week days and by Friday she is off to hers to take of her husband and attend to her house. In fact, she leaves before I am back from work. Is she the best and most reliable person for the job? YES. Is she the only one that can do it? NO.
    From the onset, I put everyone in their place. I give the respect that is due to both my hubby and herself. She respects my husband and it is reciprocal.

    I think for you, you need to put her in her place by limiting the discussions with her. She stays in your house but does that mean you will discuss everything your family is going to do next with her? No! Cook your meals, clean your house, serve your husband his food, keep his space clean. Do your own duties. Keep marital conversations to your husband. Its not everything that you ask for her opinion. Sometimes you may just want to go against her opinion to show you are your own woman.

    About having sex in the sitting room, I think that was uncalled for especially as you knew she was within earshot. Respect una self small na. What happened to your bedroom? And if Junior was inside it sleeping, so what?

    And did you have to tell hubby what she asked you after your steamy session? You are only fueling the situation with the “she said, he said”.
    If your mum is too opinionated and the atmosphere is not healthy, then you better make alternative arrangements.

  34. Advisory Committee

    August 21, 2015 at 5:26 pm

    Let me start with the easy one – you should not be having sex in the sitting room in such a small house when your mother or someone else is next door. Why? the sitting room is a common area. You should use the floor in your bedroom if that is all you have going right now.
    As I read your article, I thought I was reading an article I wrote. I cannot even start about my mother. When she has a nightmare, she would say that one of my husband’s brothers are trying to perform witchcraft on her in her dreams. When I ask her pointedly if she interacted with one of them in the dream, she would say, “no, but I know it is coming from them.” Meanwhile my poor brothers-in-law, except for one, are naive christians. One died recently. My mom insists he was not innocent and that is what killed him – lack of innocence. I asked her if she knows a crime he committed. She says she just knows he was not innocent. . I just told her to stop. She also believes my husband makes money on the “pukunde” level and that he sends everything to his mother. I roll my eyes. I make the same salary as my husband. Yes, we are relatively high earners but we have a very high 6 figure house to pay for. she always makes comments to suggest my mother inlaw is the luckiest woman because her son sends her his paycheck. Me sef dey wonder how my mortgage get’s paid because I know his salary and he empties everything except his lunch money into our joint account. If I was insecure, can you imagine what would happen?
    when my friends visit, guess who now owns the visitors? My mother. She would take over, interrupt, tell them my food kills because it has spices and will destroy their immune systems and heart. She tells some of them they are ugly. No I am not kidding. One of my friends once shaved her head – low cut things. My mom said “X, you look so ugly with this hair cut.” I almost passed out three times over. I had to beg my friend later. So many days she sees me and her first comment is you look ugly. I be correct babe wey dey spoot. She says this if she for some reason does not like a hairstyle, blouse, skirt. A friend visited one day from Nigeria. Her first comment after not seeing this girl in four years is that her neck is swollen and she looks ugly and she needs to take care of herself. Meanwhile, my friend added a little weight and has been complaining to me that she was suffering low self esteem from it. I accosted my mom later and her response was that she needs to know she is ugly or she wont take action. My mom lived a chauffered life. None of her drivers lasted long. they would always quit. why? My mom never plans her day and does not consider other people’s needs. “Sunny take me here, take me there. ” On the way to here and there, she takes a detour to wherever. Meanwhile, driver’s kids are stuck in school waiting for their father to pick them up. Now she thinks I am her driver. When she was baby sitting for me, Saturdys were hell. She would visit every grocery store and come out with something worth $1 from each one. This is after 2-3 hours. The parking lot was my home. That is until an armed robbery happened in a parking lot where I was waiting for her one day. I told her my life was more important than her $1 shopping sprees. I put my foot down and that was it. I became a slave master after that. she called her siblings at home and told them I had enslaved her. I begged her to leave. Leave and escape slavery. She no wan leave. Let me take a breath before I continue…..My mom has never really asked me how I cope or whether I have enough to survive. That is not her business.

    Ol girl, hold ya marriage well well. Respectfully send mom away. Mine now comes only when she needs assistance – medical, etc. I leave it at that. She knows no boundaries and drove her husband (my pops) nuts. I dont know how pops stayed married to her until his death. So I know it can get quite testy. More importantly, the bible says to honor parents without question. Keeping these types of parents faraway is important to remain in compliance with this commandment and to keep your sanity.

    • newbie

      August 21, 2015 at 9:54 pm

      My people have a saying ‘Ihe ojoo too ochi’ loosely translated to ‘it’s not supposed to be funny but it’s funny. Chai! Your mumsie is a serious cross o. But I’m happy at the way you handled her all the way through. Wisdom. Girl you got me at the brother-in-law menini part. Say whaaaaat? And the ‘you’re ugly’ (to your friend) part too. Laff wan tear my pant!?

    • Are you my sis?

      August 21, 2015 at 10:32 pm

      I really hope BN post my comment. This had me in stitches from start to finish as it describes my Mum to a T! “You look ugly…” ha ha ha. I can laugh now but…
      I too have just had a baby and I am wary of imposing on my Mum for fear of it fostering resentment should the load become too heavy for her to bear.

    • Donjazzyagain

      August 21, 2015 at 11:48 pm

      Oh my goodness . Did I just write this…actually I feel I need to know you we need to just talk and vent . Gosh this is mee.

    • Hmm

      August 22, 2015 at 4:08 pm

      Oh wow. That’s my mother in law and her kids. I’m dreading her coming for omugwo. In Yoruba culture, the mil comes.

    • Mrs. T

      August 23, 2015 at 12:33 pm

      Hmmmmn,

      That is false, I’m Yoruba and I’ve never heard that the Mother in-law comes to take care of your baby. That is false. Igbos when you give birth, it’s almost mandatory that your Mother comes to assist and take care of your baby. In Yoruba land, there’s no rule that your Mother must come and assist you, but Mothers still do that. Yoruba culture doesn’t say that the MIL should help take care of your kids, after child birth. Please speak for yourself. That’s not the case.

    • Diuto

      August 22, 2015 at 5:26 pm

      Your mum is gangster men. I doff my hat for your family. Ezigbo chinch

    • Goldyn Gurl

      August 26, 2015 at 2:41 am

      Lolololol! Time of death: 9:39 pm EST.
      “She needs to know she’s ugly or she won’t take action”. Lolololol! Chei.

  35. MyOpinion

    August 21, 2015 at 5:28 pm

    i think you should calm down, from your mention you explained that you spoke to her about not interfering and you saw some change, even if it’s little. I believe you can still talk to her about it for the sake of your child, plus you have to maintain your job to keep up somehow. Try and get her engaged in some kind of activity; small business, church or friends to keep her mind occupied. Idleness can sometimes set you into a situation you do not desire. And that is her challenge right now. Don’t send her out abeg, you still need her, I mean isn’t it better to have her take care of your kids than getting a nanny or house-help?

  36. Ogechukwu

    August 21, 2015 at 5:32 pm

    First of all, you don’t discuss your mum’flaws with your hubby. In time, you will regret it. Secondly, sort your mum out yourself, use attitudes and some times, few words to make her understand that this is your home. Having been married for over 10 years my dear, I will advice you to manage the situation at hand. Thank God is your mum we are talking about here. My little cent though.

  37. PurpleiciousBabe

    August 21, 2015 at 5:37 pm

    Hi love,

    Thanks for sharing your message.
    I think its alright to allow your mother to stay and care for her grandchild. Quite frankly, my Mum who is partially dependent will do the same.
    Initially my instinct was like send her packing like everyone else said but mmmm
    I have learnt wisdom is the principal thing.

    There are many angles to this?
    You could send her packing but the ‘ish’ will be on you.. You get my drift.
    You could if you can find alternatives on how she can relocate/babysit and maximize her time.
    – I doubt explaining things to her does any good. She is a mother and she is doing what she knows best *akproko* She will try to minimise it but she can’t change. If she is anything like a protective and over indulgent mother then you gotta try and be one step ahead.
    – I would definitely try all the options I can and if none as in she has to live in the house.
    Start ignoring her mishaps.. Pere! Very simple. Play dumb. P.S. Discuss your strategy with hubby.
    The issue of skipping rope lol, I would reply yes oo Mum I have o, it was an awesome exercise and I felt so much relieve. You should try it sometime. lol.(be sarcastic). Maybe tease her a little. Mum don’t try to pretend you are not naught lol. (dont try it oo, except she is fun like that).
    If she highlights hubby shortcomings, yes Mum it is an area we are all working towards (Quote a passage in the bible to back it up)/use real life examples. Remember that Uncle Biodun that used to do so and so, he has stopped now etc. You get.

    I will let her know the sitting room and the other areas are ours to use/have sex in.
    Yes, its my house, if I opt to use another room to avoid waking baby so be it.
    Tell hubby how you playfully turned every mishaps into jokes. Just be one step ahead.

    Whatever you do, do not take anything she does personal except if course she insults hubby and disrespects his authority demeaning both of you. I doubt she will.
    Other than that, try to enjoy her presence and quirky ways.
    Pay for her to go out. Treat her to spa and lovely dishes if you have not done so already.
    Give her something to talk about and look forward to.
    Be one step ahead.
    Once you understand that one day you shall be like her start taking calculated strategies. You may not be invasive but you certainly will be clingy. x

    Enjoy your marriage, Mum and baby. x

  38. Busarni

    August 21, 2015 at 5:42 pm

    Send her out asap, some people carry out witchcraft activities unknowingly. In other news, my bae Lilian Chinkata esoro finally got our approval on Ubi. We (d girls) wish her well.,,,,,

  39. Tru

    August 21, 2015 at 5:52 pm

    oyyyyyyy…@ “Were you skipping” LOLOLOLOL. You would have said “No Mum, I’m practising driving” #MischieviousGrin. Nne, please, your Mum has to leave while you find alternatives . One will certainly come up when you search hard enough. Your poor hubby must be moaning to his friends about how his MIL is destroying his home.

  40. Ewa

    August 21, 2015 at 5:59 pm

    Bella, when are you going to give us the Lillian & Ubi introduction / traditional wedding gist????? SDK says it’s happening tomorrow. True? 🙂

  41. Blueberry

    August 21, 2015 at 6:01 pm

    trust me it won´t stop until she leaves. I have been through something similar and it was unpleasant.

  42. eve

    August 21, 2015 at 6:06 pm

    well i entirely blame you and very soon you may loose your man to another woman. i know women who are working and taking care of their babies as well after about six months. i dont know why some women destroy their marriages with their own hands.this man is doing his best not to allow his relatives to worry you and there you go. sooo sorry for my comments but i mean well. better let her leave. watch the movie “” not easily broken””

  43. Kili

    August 21, 2015 at 6:21 pm

    I don’t know why women have gotten so used to having someone help with babies

    Put your child in a crèche or get a nanny. My sister has a live-in nanny who goes home every weekend. She’s had one since when her baby was 3months. My partner’s sister put her children in crèche from 3months- they are 10 and 4 respectively now. Also, my niece is 3years now and the sky hasn’t fallen.
    My friend also recently had a baby, she did outside Nigeria, and she says she takes care of her baby all by herself. No Mummy, Aunty, or Sister to help- it’s just herself, her baby and God.
    They all claim it’s not easy but somehow they have found a way to “carry on”
    And these story have helped me form a perception of raising a family. Thankfully my partner is of that opinion and we have both agreed to be supportive of each other when babies start coming, that we will both actively raise our family together.

    Send your mother away, send her packing like now.
    She is very domineering and manipulative just like my mum. I wonder how you didn’t see all these before you got married. I see right through my mother’s gimmicks now.
    And your husband is very patient, don’t make him stop coming back home.

    Discuss with your husband, both of you can work something out. Either he drops the baby off at the crèche and you pick it. Take turns in babysitting, feeding, changing diapers and all that.
    You both made the baby, you both should contribute towards the upbringing of the child.

  44. Me

    August 21, 2015 at 6:35 pm

    Your mum is with you to take care of your child. Nannies/day cares can be pretty expensive. She’s doing you a favour although you may think otherwise. I think you should tread carefully until she’s gone; cos the other option would be working only to give it all to a nanny/daycare.

  45. bokun

    August 21, 2015 at 7:12 pm

    What are you having sex in the living room for,?in such a small flat with your mum living there and to get to toilet you have to pass through the living room. You dey craze?. You no get respect for your mama ni and your abaya hubby no respect you or your mama. Your daughter will do the same thing to you ke. Can you hear the nonsense you want people to judge for you. Shame on you, in fact shame don finish for your eye dat is why you can have loud sex in a communal room in your small flat with your mama watching you. Foolish wife and daft daughter.. monkey. The mama should kukuma pack her things and leave you people to go at it like rabbits. Mchewww. I know there were other concerns you mentioned o! But that having sex in the living room just showed the kind of daughter you are. Please let mama go home, the insult is to much .

    • Diuto

      August 22, 2015 at 5:33 pm

      Take a glass of cold water. Feel better now?

  46. GLB

    August 21, 2015 at 7:27 pm

    I believe your mother means well to give up her job just to care for your child. Stop telling your hubby when she is poke nosing and remind her to stop interfering once she starts. You don’t want him to start seeing her as a burden instead of an important helper.
    Go and read the nanny and househelp tales and you will appreciate having someone who genuinely cares for your child being responsible for the baby when you are not around. Just weigh the pros and cons before making any decision.

  47. Caligula

    August 21, 2015 at 7:40 pm

    If that was my mum, I would’ve bluntly told her I was getting it on with my man. Period. POINT BLANK. Your mama needs to mind her business. Sounds like you’re walking on eggshells, sorry darl ?

    • Kele

      October 1, 2015 at 8:17 pm

      LOOOOL! I swear! That’s exactly what I would have said. My mum does the most EVERYDAY but I always have her medicine at hand.

  48. GLB

    August 21, 2015 at 7:45 pm

    You probably will be too worn out to ‘skip’ if she wasn’t there to help you with the baby… lool. After all the creche, housegirl and nanny issues, you are one of the lucky few that don’t need a camera to ensure their baby is in safe hands.
    She is probably poke nosing because she is bored. Find out from her what she wants to do during her spare time. Get her books if she likes reading, movies if she is into TV. You can even get her a machine to sew. If she likes gisting, buy plenty air time. Why not move the baby to her room if she doesn’t mind so you and hubby can have your room for skipping while she can use the house without fear of running into two skipping mates. All the best.

  49. deebaby

    August 21, 2015 at 8:04 pm

    Hi I totally understand as I am in the same shoes myself.You need to count the cost and weigh your options carefully.I put my 9 monthh old in a creche and we were paying one thousand one hundred pounds monthly for him to go 5 days a week and he would be ill for one week out of the one month and it’s non refundable if he does not attend.No one preached to me before I smartened up and brought my mum from nigeria and believe me there is no one like grand parents thhat can take care of a child cos they are doing it for love.My son has really blossomed under my mum’s watch and he has never been sick again for a day since my mum arrived in march. She leaves in a few weeks and I and hubby will take 5 weeks between us to care for him pending while she returns.
    My mum respects her boundaries and I believe you can easily put her in her place and no matter how much she annoys you don’t tell hubby so he doesn’t resent her as you need her.
    Am sure if you live in thhe Uk you know the financial implication of putting a child in nursery and the live in nannies usually have no papers and I won’t trust my dog with them cept you will hire a proper nanny and. You will pay her pension and NI contributions.You can make out in the same room your baby sleeps in and you ll be fine just try and be quiet as the walls are paper thin,

    Because we have put son in a creche before though he still goes one day a week so mum can rest we have really come to value her help and really appreciate her.Call your mum to order it’s a situation that can be easily remedied

  50. deebaby

    August 21, 2015 at 8:05 pm

    Sorry for the typos and punctuation marks.Didnt read a second time before posting

  51. jasmine

    August 21, 2015 at 9:06 pm

    Sorry to say, ur mum doesn’t know how boundary. There’s nothing like respect!!! Ur mum still sees u as a child. I can make love to my husband anywhere in my house whether my mum is there or not. She knew u guys were on it but just decided to come out so u’ll know she’s still awake. If u can’t take care of child by urself, then I dunno what else you can do. My mum had us 6. No maid, no nanny and she was a teacher. Popsy was never around coz he worked in a different state yet she coped. It’s ur family tho. Pick one. Either u love ur mum more and ignore ur husband or u love ur husband and ignore ur mum remember ‘we’ the single girls r out here waiting for ur husband. Better wisen up

  52. yes

    August 21, 2015 at 10:04 pm

    First if all stop giving your mom unsolicited information bcos she will react and has a right. Hell has to freeze over
    over before having sex in the living room with my mom across the hall. You guys are lucky your mom wants to babysit. My mom will never babysit and she will relax herself in the house and tell you to find a babysitter. Keep ur mom out if your affairs.

  53. regine

    August 21, 2015 at 10:18 pm

    Since your mom is around why not make use of that opportunity to go out with your hubby and do it in a hotel or in the car once in a while.

  54. Tade

    August 21, 2015 at 10:26 pm

    I laugh in Spanish !!!!!!!!!!.My friend invited her mum over for a month to hlep out.,only for the mother to be asking her daughter’s son to cook for her.My friend was really upset.Infact,my friend’s mother calls the husband as if she calling an houseboy.Infact,the marriage don hit rock.Please,send your mother away.She needs to respect your husband.Respect is reciprocal.

  55. Poster

    August 21, 2015 at 10:41 pm

    I sent in the mail…Thanks so much to everyone who commented and offered suggestions.

  56. Donjazzyagain

    August 22, 2015 at 12:08 am

    Get a nanny or drop him in daycare.

    Simply put some moms are not meant to live in period. 2-3 months max. While some moms eh you will be begging them and paying them to stay, they can cook and mind their business , even when you tell them issues they will tell you to go and face ur husband. You gotta be honest with yourself and know which ur mom falls into, she will neverr change ,you need to stop hoping this or that visit will be different, cause it will not.Those with excellent moms will never understand the other folks so don’t vent to them.

    I’m talking to myself. I need to listen. I know what to do but it’s just hard cause I’m a daughter as well as a wife. Sighs**

  57. Ifeyinwa Mic

    August 22, 2015 at 12:13 am

    So what’s the best way to handle the situation if it were the MIL? Get the hubby involved?

  58. obinna

    August 22, 2015 at 2:01 am

    I will never disrespect my wife and encourage her to do the same to her own mother. I have a mother and would NEVER subject her to seeing or even hearing me get intimate with my wife.. I can assure you ,Your husband will certainly not have sex in the living room with his family member, not even his mother in the next room. The way you treat your mother is the way your husband and his people will treat you and your family members and even worst . If your husband had an iota of respect for you or your mother (if he really loved you)he would NOT rub sex play in her face. Why tell your husband everything your mother tells you. GROW UP. At your sge you should be able to negociate these things. It is not everything you should share with your husband , it will not bring you closer on the contrary he will just see you finish .Send your mother packing let your husband replace her with his family member and see how he will treat that family member with respect. You will then be ashame of how you treated your mum. Marriage is for GROWNUPS .Shine your eye. If you were my sister and my mum told me these things I will be sooooooo mad at you. I think you should send your mother home immediately. Immediately! !!!.

    • Poster

      August 22, 2015 at 11:15 am

      @Obinna; thanks for commenting.Though I do not agree with you about the part that my Hubby doesn’t respect my Mum, I admit I have not been totally fair to Mum, considering the big sacrifice she made of retiring to take care of my baby. I will do my best to reverse the damage I have caused already.

    • femfem

      August 23, 2015 at 12:12 pm

      Love this

  59. Person

    August 22, 2015 at 3:09 am

    First and foremost, you have no respect for your Mum. And your husband is an agbaya for having sex with you while your Mum is in the other room. Yes, it is your house but you do not respect your Mum’s space. I can’t deal with that. Secondly, you speak like a child. How can you be discussing your marriage and all that goes on with your Mum? Abi, how else will she know what is going on if you aren’t discussing it with her?

  60. Tosin

    August 22, 2015 at 5:52 am

    The writer is a very honest person, I like her already. Maybe she got it from her mum, lol.
    This is the deal: since your mum has shown that she can not behave, you need to lay down the law. I’m assuming you guys go to work Mon-Fri and need her loving baby care most then. One or two days a week, she’s fired. Let her go and exercise her curiousity and gbeborunism with other folks for a bit, while you guys get your nasty on lol, possibly with screaming baby interrupting.
    I think it’s important to HANDLE situations when they need to be handled, not let iranu continue and now be crying. When you draw the line, she’ll still love you, you’ll still love her, etc etc, but she’ll be better directed on how to behave. She’s semi-fired.

  61. ANON

    August 22, 2015 at 7:15 am

    I am very interested in this opinion poll. Being married 20 years and had the same problem in the begining. My mother is an opinionated woman she has always been that way. Unfortunately i dealt withvit exactly how the writer is. By grassing on my mum and generally deespecting her in favour of my husband. My pround ,strong independant mum eventually left my house a broken woman vowing never to come back to my home again. His family then came to help , my dear come and see double standard and transformation on my man. It broke me that he could not even stand up for me when they balantly interfered in our marriage ,treating me with contempt. I felt betrayed and till this day i have lost the doe eyed love i thouggt i had for this man. He put his family first, and treated mine the way i had shown him too. So i blame myself. @obinna I think you have given sound advise coming from your cultural pespective .Also Coming from a man I really appreciate it too. Too late for me , I now have a strained damaged relationship with my mum. I am still married but feel truly emotional scarred. I have no one to turn to,;my family hate me to. My advise to you is to try and salvage the mother daughter relation ship. Send her home before permanent damage is done. Before you send her home change your attitude towards her and make sure your husband is aware that you love and respect her. Go to the market and buy her beautiful gifts to send her home with. My dear there is notting as painful as your husband treating your family substandard. It reslly hurts that alone can impact negatively on your marriage. So prevent it from happening to you. Godbless.

    • Poster

      August 22, 2015 at 11:05 am

      @Anon; thanks so much for sharing your experience. I will do my best to right the wrong.

    • ANON

      August 23, 2015 at 2:33 am

      It’s all good my dear. I wish you a happy marriage life.

  62. sibo

    August 22, 2015 at 9:05 am

    My friend you are a woman. You have different roles to furfill. Mother, wife, daughter u might also be an employer and employee. All these roles are important. You learn to juggle efficently without dropping any ball. As a daughter treat your mum with respect. You only have one mother. You should contain the situation what you are doing now is escalating it. To avoid insult I strongly recommend that you send your mother home.

  63. tobi

    August 22, 2015 at 12:03 pm

    You don’t take sides. Simple. Both your mother and your husband are important in your relationship. You should be trying to build a positive relationship between your mother and husband. I don’t understand why you are exposing her bad attributes to your husband. No body is perfect not even your husband. I am sure you knew your mother very well before you invited her to your house.

  64. Siya

    August 22, 2015 at 4:31 pm

    You have all spoken well. I especially like and respect the comments of obinna and ANON. My mother would say, don’t tell your family secrets to your husband. It will not bring you guys any closer.He will only use it to mock you one day. As an unmarried person, I’m going to learn a few things from this story.I can only hope I make better decisions when the time comes. If you must take any advice,listen to obinna and humbly learn from anon’s experience and I suggest you pray even if you are not a praying person. It helps.
    All the best.

  65. Luchi

    August 22, 2015 at 4:45 pm

    Obinna and Anon’s reply were really insightful. I was on the side of giving her mum those sarcastic answers and putting her in her place bt u knw what, u’re only teaching ur husband hw to also disrespect ur mum. Wisdom is profitable in all things, I think it’s time for mummy to go back home, let ur husband also personally appreciate her for d sacrifice she made b4 she leaves and then find an alternative way of taking care of ur kid. Dnt go d route of bringing hubby’s relative to replace her sha, get a person dat is nt a relative so u and hubby will be on neutral ground with d person.

  66. are you a learner

    August 22, 2015 at 4:52 pm

    I think its very Nigerian to say you don’t take sides….very funny, if it was the husband causing issues with her mum, im sure you will immediately start bashing the husband. I will take sides, if her marriage breaks now, im sure u ll come here to tell her why didn’t she send her mum back then. all you double mouthed people. A lot of people give advice they cant do. AND WHAT THE HECK IS THESE EXPOSING HER BAD ATTRIBUTES TO HER HUSBAND…last I checked husband and wife are one and best of friends- that’s how it should be, so how is it a problem that she told her husband what her mum said. @tobi, You sound like you are the mother cos ur advice is so bias

    • tobi

      August 22, 2015 at 7:20 pm

      Yes learner . My advise was for her to be equitable, ie neural in her dealings with the matter at hand !? .So you would rather
      go in like a bull in a China shop and watch the trail of damage . Not my method , i dont do Collateral damage as i cherish all my relationships. Like it has been said marriage is really for grown ups who have perfected the skill of diplomacy. To each his own. You lie in the bed you make for yourself and therefore dearie you are freely entitled to whatever opinion you have and so am I. Shikena. “Very Nigerian”!? The heck does dat mean!? And since when did remaining neutral equate bias? And I think your crystal ball is cloudy look again to see if I am really the mum.

    • Bokun

      August 22, 2015 at 8:58 pm

      Madam abi oga learner what will you have her do?. Throw her mama outside like you did your own. People like you are never happy excrpt there is blood shed and tears. Anyway the poster has already thanked the people she’s taking advice from. Thank God she’s not taking your destructive advice. You are not a peace maker. Go and continue pouring fuel in the fire in your own house . Nonsense

    • babe

      August 23, 2015 at 9:32 am

      Your marriage will not last long if you take sides. Believe me. Even if they are wrong you call them privately and tell them. That will prevent resentment. You sound militant and immature. Like a person who reacts without thinking out the consequences and then regrets.

  67. Tope Oyewole

    August 22, 2015 at 5:06 pm

    D couple are shameless, having sex in d living room. Its beta to disturb a baby dat can’t report wat he sees or hears. Its an act of shame mama was just tryin to make her kno its inappropriate. Let her go, take ur baby to creche.

  68. Omolola

    August 22, 2015 at 11:12 pm

    oh please!! people should stop the bashing “having sex in the living room”. Its not something I would do though.Went to visit my folks and i could not bring myself to “do it” ,felt weird and i just begged hubby(to him it should add some spice). Anyway, its besides the point am trying to get across..Its their house and its their life. If it happened in the room would it have been okay? or the bashing would still be on? So you people saying its wrong,when you have guests you don’t do it? really? 3 months?!……..

  69. passingby

    August 23, 2015 at 7:32 am

    I think it’s about time you and your oga start to pay for childcare. Your mother is not your custom made personal slave, she has done her job of bringing you up let her rest. If that was your mother in law you will be serving her and getting a good dose of this is the way my son likes it done. Even if you employ a maid, she will still bring her own personality. And what’s with having sex in an openned parlour with the washroom close by knowing fully well that your mum would need to access the washroom. That kind of thing may turn you on but it shows no respect to your mother. Did you really expect her not to have something to say about that or were you just pushing her buttons. @ are you a learner, It is not just A Nigerian thing to show some decorum were it is needed, civilised people nigerian or otherwise do it all the time. However it is a common trait of some Nigerians to mistake the concept of civilisation with baboon level backwardness.

  70. Darius Aminu

    August 23, 2015 at 12:56 pm

    Your mum is a third wheel and since your marriage is a bike not keke napep, the third wheel is not necessary. Fire ur mum and hire a nanny.

  71. larz

    August 23, 2015 at 8:31 pm

    1) Let everyone play their natural roles in your life. Their roles only, nothing more nothing lesss. Your mother is your children’s grandma not their nanny, not a live in help. And a MIL to your husband.
    2) Keep a safe distance.The more ppl live with other, the less special they are towards them. It is hard to say you shud keep stuff away frm your spouse. You can try but once he starts sensing you r keep stuff from him, his imagination wud run wild and it might bring your trust to question. When I get frustrated with my mum, my hubby is one to tell me I am overeacting. He can say that becuz he doesnt get an opportunity to be frustrated by her.
    3) Like some sed, mothers are the last to realise that their children is all grown up. What distinguish a child from an adult is their independence i.e. not needing their mum anymore. You make it harder for your mum to see you as an adult if you still need her
    4) Sex: I wonder if your mum make funny comments if you are sexing in the bedroom too? The fact is living with young couples means they have a healthy appetite. I personally feel that your mum shud have showed more understanding. PS- nothing wrong with telling your mum to go out to Mr Biggs or buy icecream with ur child whilst u n hubby and get sexing. You are married wuth a child, surely she must know you are sexually active.
    5) Sacrifice: never make ppl make sacrifice for you or you are tied with gratitude. This includes quiting their job to care for your child or being carer for your children. You will seem ungrateful to tell them off.
    6) Have a heart to heart and tell your mum that you know it is inevitable that living with someone will cause a strain in rships. You want your new family to continue to see her in the best light possible and her to them and you are afraid that this wont happen if they live together. Give her time to find her bearings and get a new job or something.

  72. pat

    August 24, 2015 at 2:48 am

    I am with the general consensus of sending her home. If you can’t appreciate her services then why keep her there. It’s obvious your apartment is to small, and personal space is becoming an issue . Some people say becos it’s your home you can do whatever you like regardless of who is there. For me sha o! I enjoy walking around with just my underwear on. But when I have visitors in the house I don’t do that becos i want my visitors to feel welcome, and I don’t want them see me like that. As for sharing things with your hubby, there are some things you are more equipt to take on without involving your man. Men do not even appreciate you sharing every trivial things with them, their man brains cant handle it. Be a wise woman. Wisdom is a gift that not many possess.

  73. seun

    August 24, 2015 at 3:26 pm

    Pleeasseee, can people stop bashing having sex in the living room, its a 2 bedroom apartment, and the baby is sleeping in the room, theres nothing wrong in havg sex in the living room please, its the mum that should ignore, abeg. Do you know what it takes to finally get a baby to sleep, so they should succeed in waking the baby up becos mum is around and they cant have sex in the living room. We focus so much on other people, we forget the essence of ourselves. Anyway, I think the best thing is for you to politely tell your mum you will be enrolling your child in a crèche soon so she can actually leave and spend time with her husband. Your mum has built her own home, its time to build yours. You had better do the needful and let her go. Get a nanny or maid to help with house chores, or use a creche

  74. tunde

    August 25, 2015 at 7:55 am

    Naaaaah man sex were mama can see me. Oh my daz!!!!. I can’t get my freak on with mama walking in on that. She knows I have sex she don’t need a visual evidence. I never walked in on my parents doing it. That kindna Shit’s private man. That’s just Wrong!!!!!. I know you gon send her home. Maybe your man likes kinky though, my bad. He might suggest a threesome with the new girl servant you guys hire. Lool.

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