Aunty Bella is our agony aunt column on BellaNaija. We launched this column in the early days of BN and periodically feature issues sent in by BN readers. We hope the BN family can offer insightful advice as well.
I have been married for 3 years now to a wonderful man. We have been blessed with a baby who is almost a year old now.
After the birth of our baby, my Mum agreed to retire voluntarily to take care of our baby when it was time for me to resume work. She’s been doing this job of taking care of our baby with so much love.
However, there is a problem. My Mum is trying to control my marriage. She has an opinion on every single issue and she’s not shy to express it. She confronts my husband concerning issues which should be handled by me. My husband has complained about that, and I try to explain to my Mum that, she should not address my Hubby personally but to rather do so through me. She often gets offended and complains that my Hubby is like her Son, and that I am trying to tame her. I try to make her understand that he is the Head of my family and should be treated so. She sometimes makes statement s that are very disrespectful about my Hubby. Once during an argument with her, I got so upset that I told her that she was trying to destroy my marriage and that she should learn to stick to the reason why she is living with us. She was so hurt by my outburst and frankly I felt really bad as well. I apologized afterwards and she did same and promised to do better.
The situation has improved a bit and we don’t argue so much now. However, yesternight, hubby and I decided to get a bit intimate and my Mum acted in a way which was as if she was trying to prevent that. We live in a 2 bedroom apartment, she has one bedroom to herself while Hubby, myself and baby share the other. As baby was asleep yesternight, we had no choice but to do our stuff in the parlour. This was around 10:30 pm. Just when things were getting steamy, she called me. We had to pause for me to go find out what she wanted, she obviously didn’t have any reason for calling me as she asked a very trivial question. After answering her and going back to continue, she stepped out of her room and went to the washroom which is quite close to the parlour.
Later after the Mister and I were done, I quietly stepped into her room to pick something. It was almost midnight by then and I thought she was asleep by then. She wasn’t. She proceeded to ask if I was exercising, when I asked why she was asking such a question, she went ahead to say she thought I was skipping rope… I was shocked and it definitely won the most awkward moment ever.
I ended up informing hubby about my Mum’s questions as he noticed I was in a strange mood when I got back.
Hubby is really upset now and I can only imagine what might be going on in his head.
I feel so bad that he has to put up with my Mum’s attitude. Though I’ve had a few brushes with his family, he tries to prevent any of them from giving me stress. Whereas I seem to be unable to call my Mum to order.
My Mum is generally a good person and I love her so much but sometimes, I wish I could love her from afar.
She is going to be around for another year, till baby is old enough to start school. I really need to know how to handle her and still keep my nuclear family happy.
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