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BN Hot Topic: Abeg, Don’t Compliment My Looks at Work, It’s Sexist!

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BN Hot TopicAnother day, another BN Hot Topic.
I am so curious about what my BN fam will say about this one.

Ok, here goes.
Charlotte Proudman is a 27 year old barrister in the UK, she received a message from 57 year old Alex Carter-Silk, a senior lawyer (not at her firm) via career social networking site Linkedin.

The message was a response to Miss Proudman’s request for them to connect on the site. In addition to indicating that he was happy to connect, he also complimented her Linkedin profile photo as “a stunning picture” and said she would “definitely win the prize for best Linkedin picture I have ever seen

Miss Proudman was offended by the message and instantly responded by calling him “sexist” and labelling his behaviour as “unacceptable and misogynistic“.

She also took the step of sharing their exchange on Twitter and then the news has gone viral.
Linkedin Compliment
Now that the news has spread like wildfire, Miss Proudman says her career has been damaged due to backlash while Mr Carter-Silk’s is unblemished.

People all around the world have been chiming in. Some feel Charlotte was being too sensitive and should have accepted the compliment in good faith; while others are congratulating her for championing the cause of working women everywhere but standing up against objectification.

I asked 2 friends about this via Whatsapp prior to publishing this. Both are successful young working women. One is a young Nigerian woman with a heavyweight job senior role in a Venture Capital firm while the other is a VP at a major biotech firm.
One sent this photo in response to my message.
Na Dat Small Tin
The other said, “Miss Proudman is My Hero”

BellaNaijarians, what are your thoughts? Also let us know your compliments at work stories.

79 Comments

  1. Niola

    September 10, 2015 at 1:48 pm

    I think she was being too sensitive jor,she should have just replied. Thank you….. me that a male colleague, said ahh, come dis woman, see how are you are looking after you just gave birth, your husband will roborobo you again o.. whatever that word means,!!but the mere thought of whatever he was thinking was enough to irk me, but in Nigeria, you know everything comes with a plastered smile, if it was my colleague in the uk, kai!!!harassment claim and compensation straight……

    • somtoo

      September 10, 2015 at 4:03 pm

      Hi dear, i can relate. I have suffered from work place harassment so much that if any guy pays me a compliment in my new office, the side eye i will give him ehn..mtcheww.
      I had to walk away from a well paying job because i was sexually harassed by people in managerial positions. This can make a lady ultra sensitive.
      I guess miss proudman (weird name) was trying to build a nice circle of professionals around her by trying to connect and instead got another guy talking about her face.
      Back to the guy talking about you and your husband’s business, please next time, try to frown so he will know its a topic that is off limits..like what is his business? People should learn that despite the fact you sit by me 9-5, there should be a certain kinda professional distance.
      You know a girl is beautiful, pay your compliments subtly and move on., don”t go on and on especially if it is in a work environment, its quite distracting.

    • Nahum

      September 10, 2015 at 4:30 pm

      I think she went overboard. The man was not even her colleague, and he just complimented her picture. If he had now gone further, then we can call him sexist for want sexual favours from her. Women, pls don’t destroy the feminist movement by doing over sabi. He just said your picture is fine. Say thank you and keep it moving. If he now says “drop your knickers” or makes suggestive comments, then go for his throat. It is all these over sabi moves that are destroying the movement.

    • Tafia

      September 10, 2015 at 4:37 pm

      And now Alex will never pay any female a compliment (even off social networking platforms)

    • amaa

      September 10, 2015 at 9:34 pm

      Microsoft Nigeria paid out 39 million naira to a female worker for a case similar to what you have narrated. We need to understand Sexism from the American Culture. IN our culture women tend to be less sensitive about sexual harassment(which i think is wrong) and a lot of what we call compliment is actually sexual harassment. In a policy handbook for a company any conversation that makes a woman uncomfortable in the work place and she gives you a warning and you do it again is considered sexual harassment. You might think she over reacted in her society it is very clear what constitutes sexism. You can not even shake a female colleague in some Arab countries talk less of looking into their eyes

  2. Rude gal

    September 10, 2015 at 1:52 pm

    It’s no big deal tho.. except u perceive an ulterior motive with the compliment.

  3. Pretty O

    September 10, 2015 at 1:52 pm

    Ode! i’m sure ur boo or bae doesnt even compliment u….
    It’s not that deep… girl bye…

  4. lotusflower

    September 10, 2015 at 1:55 pm

    First, he didn’t approach her due to her looks, she approached him. I think she was a bit harsh to him. He did state that he knew it wasn’t politically correct to compliment her. (I guess some may wonder why he didn’t exercise self-control and NOT compliment her).

    Either way, her response to him was overboard, especially her decision to share it online. Now her career is in jeopardy. She should have just told him that it was simply unprofessional and that his first instincts were correct. Was it necessary to lambaste him publicly?

  5. chi-e-z

    September 10, 2015 at 1:56 pm

    Hmm I don’t agree with her sharing on social media after addressing the man. It was a misguided compliment to which she replied with rudeness. Looks don’t equate professional skills rather does rudeness and brashness equate boldness.

  6. mrs chidukane

    September 10, 2015 at 1:57 pm

    Much ado about nothing! A simple thank you from her would have sufficed. If he had then gone further,her annoyance and long speech would have been justified but hey, it’s her life.

  7. Fashionista

    September 10, 2015 at 1:57 pm

    Saw this on twitter. Babe needs to chill out abeg, wtf? It was a compliment, you say thank you that’s what you do. I am a Feminist but a “happy” one, chivalry isn’t dead and our manners shouldn’t die too. If he followed up with a second message that was inappropriate, showing that it was more than just a compliment, then yes, by all means treat his fuck up. But on the face of his message? please calm down. She made such a huge fuss on twitter. This is the “men-bashing” Feminism that doesn’t help our cause.

    I bet if a man holds a door open for her, she may spit in his face! Get over yourself woman!

    • NotANutellalover

      September 10, 2015 at 2:30 pm

      I agree with you, a simple thank you will have been the reply to his message, after which she can ask how to follow up with him regarding her career opportunities in his firm. Home girl just let go of her helper if he was truly the one meant to advance her career. Now her image is tanished in their field. I wish her all the best. #Themnordeyfollowpersinplaysmallplay

    • Fashionista

      September 10, 2015 at 4:48 pm

      Looool! yes oh, them no fit follow her play oh, shior! Her blood is too hot, kilode.

    • BlueEyed

      September 10, 2015 at 6:17 pm

      There was no need for that lengthy exchange, home girl chime down a little it’s not that serious. A simple thank you will suffice and if he took it further, then u react.
      Plus personally I feel this old man was just tryna be cool on social media, the man probably hasn’t still gotten a hang of it and just probably wanted to be “IN”

  8. Oma Oma

    September 10, 2015 at 2:03 pm

    I don’t get it……maybe she was having a bad day or something because all I saw was a simple compliment that “thank you” would have resolved

  9. Anita

    September 10, 2015 at 2:06 pm

    Na wa o, me i see nothing in complimenting someone, i think she toke it far not only did he send the message to the man but also went public to share it with everyone. I know how many times men i don’t know compliment me and many of them i can’t even remember their faces. If she stopped at telling the guy she does like the compliment, it would have been better but going public, i feel she went too far. The girl sef no fine.

  10. Ada Bekee

    September 10, 2015 at 2:06 pm

    O Di egwu o! See this monkey o. Anyways, I blame Alex for making such nice remarks about the near ugly picture of Miss Charlote Proud(woman). Nne, you never see back lashing. Your privacy go soon damage not just your career. You wan form James Bond or St.

    • nwanyi na aga aga

      September 11, 2015 at 11:14 am

      Loooool! In fact that is what I actually think irked the young lady, you know when you feel ugly or under dressed then someone suddenly decides to compliment you, a part of you will feel ridiculed and you will almost certainly believe the person wants to take advantage of you. That was what happened. This morning before I read this article, One of my bosses came in as I raised my head to greet the man, my eyes caught his exquisite shoes, Nna men! very clean elegant pair of shoes my eyes have seen in recent times, I quickly said to the man cos he was about moving past my desk, Sir, I hope you don’t mind but I love your shoes, the man was so happy that he extended his arms for a hug to me. He then said, “No one has complimented me since this year began, I will never forget this”..
      As far as I am concerned the man gave the lady a harmless compliment, any person with a good heart will compliment a good thing. Soon all these perceived movements a la their vague interpretations will turn this world to a sad one. So a man cant say your picture is fine again? *sighs* its ok.

    • Tosin

      September 19, 2015 at 5:51 pm

      me too i like compliments, catcalls from igbo traders, all that. it’s funny. flirting is cheap and easy and makes people feel good about themselves.
      i do have to figure out how to use/harness some male attention tho. like when you’re in serious mode while men want to flirt. once i figure that out…watch out hehehehe

  11. Gracee

    September 10, 2015 at 2:07 pm

    I think it she was just too sensitive ,it wasn’t worth it, It was just a compliment,i dont see any “sexist” thing there.
    She may have had her heart broken recently and had to respond that way.(Just saying)

  12. NYC

    September 10, 2015 at 2:08 pm

    Huh????? What’s wrong with this chick? As a lawyer, you should know your vocabularies & the meaning of words right Charlotte?. Cuz calling him ” sexist” is way out of line & if some one is calling giving you a nice compliment like ” Stunning”, take it & simply say thank U. Nothing marks a man’s character better than his attraction of intelligence.

    • I said so

      September 10, 2015 at 4:39 pm

      Afi “Vocabularies” na???

      Abeg! Leave Aunty Charlotte alone jare! She was probably “PMSing” or ain’t some in a minute. Either way she has my full support.
      Dirty old man! I bet he didn’t compliment his wife who would probably appreciate the gesture o, but he knows how to “complement” girls half his age. Agbaya!

  13. Audrey

    September 10, 2015 at 2:11 pm

    @niola…your colleague said “ur husband” willand not “I”will” and u’re talking if u were in England and bla bla? You’re even more sensitive than the lady when you know that comment was a serious boost to ur esteem after birthing a baby…abeg shift jor

    • Niola

      September 10, 2015 at 2:35 pm

      haba @ audrey so he should be thinking about how my hubby and I roborobo abi…and you should have seen his face o and his hand movements oo….haba o wa disgusting o….

  14. Josh

    September 10, 2015 at 2:13 pm

    Don’t pay compliments to my face, pay compliments to my brain-Christina Yang

    • Meah

      September 10, 2015 at 2:40 pm

      @Josh, How ’bout complimenting my face AND brain. Being pretty and brainy arent mutually exclusive, you know. people need to chill…

    • ElessarisEllendil

      September 10, 2015 at 3:34 pm

      But your brain is technically in your face.??

  15. Tee

    September 10, 2015 at 2:21 pm

    I do not support the display on social media but addressing the issue is important. As a married woman I don’t tolerate, hey babe’s, I miss you; (prob after a long hol wknd-liar, get a life),hello sweet heart, you look sexy in that dress, you’ve got beautiful eyes, you have nice lips though, pretty woman, from any colleague. Infact they are much aware of my take on that now,so they don’t compliment. Na there e dey start, imagine a male colleague calling a female colleague at 10pm becos he couldn’t sleep. Stop it whether or not you are married. I know some women love all that compliments but draw a boundary if you don’t want to get into trouble soon.Naija men say the things they haven’t said to their wives in years to female colleagues. Or better still, if you say I look good today rather than sexy is modest. Plus to give a married woman looks that makes her uncomfortable in the name of compliments. Hmmmmm just my opinion sha.

  16. Iris

    September 10, 2015 at 2:22 pm

    I also find it a little annoying when men do that on LinkedIn. It was particularly annoying when I was desperately looking for a job and accepting connection requests from everyone who sent it (a friend said to do that because help could come from anywhere). I’d get excited to see a message and it would be ‘thanks for accepting my request. Can I get your number? I’d like to know you better’. It would have been easier to swallow if the people were CEOs or senior management but in most cases they didn’t even have career advice to offer . However, I think it was absolutely unnecessary to publicly shame this man on social media. If she was offended she could have sent him a private message and written about it publicly in an article or something without using his name. It’s not surprising to me that she came off in the situation looking worse than he.

  17. jess

    September 10, 2015 at 2:26 pm

    Cheap popularity if you ask me. She had to post on social media? Simple compliment, say thank you or ignore it.

  18. nee

    September 10, 2015 at 2:28 pm

    a woman could have also sent same compliment (with lesbianism idea behind it perhaps). i bet she wouldn’t have had any problem with it. Reposting the message was an immature move. Bae should get a life!

  19. Feminist gang

    September 10, 2015 at 2:30 pm

    These feminist people again?
    Dem don kolo tey tey

    1. You made the first move to connect with him
    2. He accepted and complimented you.
    3. You should have gone ahead to strict business on why you requested for his friendship
    4, If he tried to take advantage or go out of business, you could caution.warn him and any subsequent attempt could be termed whatever you want to call it nor on a first meeting.

    Now you see, if you don’t compliment a girl, you are in trouble. If you do, you are in trouble.

    We meet people in the office everyday, “you look good today” “you are looking good” “nice attire” from a colleague (male/female) doesn’t mean they want to have you or interested in you. This her attitude arises from her insecurities and complex

    Now to my feminist gang, why cant you all go to another planet and form another life.
    You take your hand yourself ask for a friendship request from a male and you turn to cry fire.

    a sexist is someone who discriminates on the basis of gender.
    What is sexist in a simple compliment? Does a compliment mean discrimination on the basis of gender? (except if you don’t know the words you throw around)

    Misogynistic means hating women in particular. If he hates you, will he compliment you?

    All ye girls carrying your face like idi amin up and down town, later you will say there is no bf, no man to marry you…..to smile, you no fit; to accept a simple compliment, you no fit; handshake, na wahala, always squuezing your face all over as if they stole your bread….kontinu

  20. AB

    September 10, 2015 at 2:37 pm

    She took this too far…Lawyer/barrister whatever you call yourselg, go figure! Its simple…Someone compliments you one of 2 things 1) thank you sir, much appreciated, ensuring that any other relationship going forward is cordial, and strictly business 2) Simply state how offended you are by the compliment & keep it moving and oh a 3rd – just dont link yoursef in na, leave it! This was taken way too far and I know many barristers in the UK are way to proud for their own darn sef…Law yes is a prestigious career, but please calm the heck down & enjoy the little jolly things of life….Its really a man’s world, ofcourse he aint gon’ get sacked or moved by all this silly attention sought by a some NQB… Also if its always sexist to her when compliments are made about her look, then mbok, Nne m , stop putting a picture up! Abeg next news……

  21. funmi

    September 10, 2015 at 2:37 pm

    I don’t get this lady. She was the one who sent the invite to connect with the man and he complimented her profile picture so what is the deal a simple thank you would have been fine. Rubbish

  22. NigerianPie

    September 10, 2015 at 2:39 pm

    She’s being silly and stupid!!! I’m sure she would have preferred it if he said she looks like shit! My boss compliments me some days and what’s my secret and says I’m not looking so good other days and what’s up if anything is wrong. He does it to other female staff, I have never seen him do it to men sha maybe they have their bro code. But it creates for a nice working environment and allows you to be at ease while working.At least when he complains, you know it’s nothing personal and doesn’t hate or dislike you, Abeg park well madam, rubbish upon nonsense. This is the type of rubbdgthat Natu abi Naruto of a “commenter”would love to defend

    • Natu

      September 10, 2015 at 4:15 pm

      @Nigerianpie get my name out of your smelly mouth. I didn’t send for you so don’t come for me. Don’t play me because I am the wrong one!! I will cut a biatch real quick.

    • Nahum

      September 10, 2015 at 4:50 pm

      LMAO!!!! You no go kill pesin lol

    • Comment

      September 11, 2015 at 3:48 am

      Wow, NigerianPie……..Your boss complimenting your looks at work allows u to be at ease ?? Ok…….

      The man looks old enough to be her dad and is probably someone’s husband….she may have over reacted but dude crossed professional boundaries. Over familiarity is disrespectful especially for a first time conversation……free the babe jor. To each their own. We can’t all be the same emotionally.

    • nwanyi na aga aga

      September 11, 2015 at 11:36 am

      Yes o, if you actually work in certain jobs where two letters of displeasure can sack you, you will surely feel at ease with a boss who compliments you, at least if he is correcting you, you will know it comes from a place of peace. In my work place, they re trying out this employee satisfaction something.. compliments from bosses are highly encouraged. Although suggestive words like “you look hot, sexy, muah” are discouraged. This Monday meeting a colleague came in with red eyes, our boss asked her “You don’t look bright today what is the problem?, and later gave her a day off” The man could have ignored her after all wetin concern agbero with overload?, a lot of times compliments put people at ease/break the ice..Bikonu if you have psychological problems that manifests as a result of compliments, visit a Center and talk to a psychologist. Some people hide under different movements to deal with their issues, it is wrong. Don’t traumatize other people with your hidden malaise. See this girl would ve traumatized this man for life. He will never compliment any unknown lady for life..Lol!

    • Comment

      September 12, 2015 at 5:00 am

      Nwanyi…..bla bla bla……your last statements are unwarranted….you literally went off point.no one said complimenting is bad….its professional misconduct and over familiarity that’s bad….keep your arguments within the context of this particular story……..he doesn’t even know her…..It’s ironic you’re defending him. Even he fessed up to being ‘politically incorrect’….. Even he knew he was crossing boundaries. Yes she over reacted but at least blame them both.

      You say I need a psychologist……..but I’m not the one who needs a boss to tell me I’m looking cute to feel good about myself…, my self esteem is beyond that……..he should compliment my performance and my contributions….and yes he can show concern for my wellbeing but telling me I’m so good looking the first time we meet is dodgy. We can agree to disagree.

  23. red

    September 10, 2015 at 2:45 pm

    smh! kilowaletoyen? this one don take feminism to another level.. issokay!

  24. Friday's other child

    September 10, 2015 at 2:50 pm

    My husband worked in ‘big law’ for a decade and he often told me sordid stories about how partners conducted themselves with attractive interns or junior associates. I doubt there are any lawyers working in ‘big law’ that will deny that attractive women in the profession get the short end of the stick when it comes to workplace harassment and in that context I don’t think her response was inappropriate. The problem however with ‘big law’ is that it is for the most part dominated by people who wont sympathise with her position, so I hope this doesn’t end up cutting her career short.

    Good on her however for putting him in his place. I can’t even imagine the circumstances in which I’d say such a thing to anyone on LinkedIn.

  25. Tina

    September 10, 2015 at 3:00 pm

    The woman was right to be offended. She didn’t contact him for social reasons so his compliment was inappropriate. However, she shouldn’t have publicly shamed him – that was unnecessary.

  26. Me

    September 10, 2015 at 3:01 pm

    Immature and overzealous feminist. She clearly needs a lesson in networking!

  27. iyke

    September 10, 2015 at 3:09 pm

    This is what you get when you are too book smart (brilliant) but not intelligent/lack wisdom
    Charlotte was brilliant in putting the man in his lane….all her reasons were valid…it was all aboout power and control.I admire her courage and brilliance.
    But being mean,rude and public shaming the man was irresponsible and unintelligent.There was no need for that.
    You want a NIGERIAN MAN to respect you,and watch his words with you,show him brilliance laced with intelligence/wisdom.

  28. Que

    September 10, 2015 at 3:21 pm

    Walahiiiiii….her response to his mail is the kind I can give when my period is approaching and I am generally in overdrive and unconscious of my heightened response to EVERYTHING around me!!!

    He said it is a ‘stunning PICTURE’….he didn’t say SHE was stunning, the real compliment is to the PHOTOGRAPHER!!!

    I think she did a poor job with this conversation….. she could have controlled it differently, but let IGG get the best of her. This is the kind of situation where my mama will say “…she be like pikin wey dey find cry, then you come go push e head…”

  29. Belinda

    September 10, 2015 at 3:25 pm

    I’m a feminist to the core but this lady is being a spiteful drama queen. There was no need to publicly shame the man after already rebuffing him. If he had invited her to a hotel I would get it but this is too harsh just because of an unwanted compliment.

    • WENDY

      September 10, 2015 at 3:51 pm

      feminist to the core..take it easy Belinda…easy…simple aight!!!!

  30. Delta geh

    September 10, 2015 at 3:29 pm

    I think he was inappropriate but she overreacted… He messed with the wrong person though! If he had read her linkedin profile that would have probably acted as a deterrent. She works for women’s rights and based on what she does, I don’t think she has destroyed her career.

  31. Anonymous

    September 10, 2015 at 3:33 pm

    The truth is that it is actually very strange that he sent that message to her considering her age and the platform which they were on. However, she was very immature in addressing the issue.

  32. Ibinabo

    September 10, 2015 at 3:43 pm

    Over board.. her name sef… “Proudman”

  33. Que

    September 10, 2015 at 3:53 pm

    Not every compliment is laced with dodgy intentions…..

    This story, together with some comments reminded me of a story I was planning to share someday, but seems fitting here…

    As a curvy runner, a couple times a week I manage to drag my lazy butt out to jog/walk/run depending on how d spirit is moving, and there are usually many similar people on the road with me… In recent times, I notice this particular man, looks about 40, who just walks brisquely all through his own sessions…. I noticed him in the first instance, cos EVERY single time I walk/jog past him, he would smile like he knew me, or offer a quick hello or a wave….. my first instinct was “…all these Lagos husbands no dey tire to eye girlssss???…” Everyday we cross paths, he does this, and though I generally don’t assume people’s intentions, at some point I wondered why he was focused on me…but then’ my instinct just said to me ‘this person isn’t harmful, no need to be cold…
    Since then, I simply responded with a smile, a hello and I guess sensing my new warmth, we eventually graduated to doing the hi 5 and continuing on our way…… then few weeks down the line, on a random morning in between jogging and walking, I start to just observe people as I do from time to time, and that day my mind decided to pay particular attention to this guy…. I watched him go past at least 20+ more people- male and female, old and young, aaalllll the time offering a clap of encouragement, a hello, a smile or a greeting to EVERY SINGLE HUMAN BEING he walked past that morning, as long as they were exercising, he was encouraging… I was fascinated to say the least… He took the time out each time, to focus on lifting other people up in his own little way….

    I know the world has given us much to worry about, but if you just try focusing on whats right and joyful about the world, I promise, you will see life differently.

    • Comment

      September 11, 2015 at 3:54 am

      @ Que Lovely story but a very weak comparison to this woman’s situation.

  34. concerned9ja

    September 10, 2015 at 4:07 pm

    Women are funny creatures..their response half the time really depends on who is paying them compliments!!
    Now if it were Brad Pitt,George Clooney or that hunky dude??…..mmmhhh go figure!!

  35. Tunmi

    September 10, 2015 at 4:11 pm

    It is annoying though. She had the intent of a business engagement and this guy decides to focus on her appearance. That’s where it starts. It wasn’t just the picture otherwise he would have asked for the photographer’s information. I have no problem with her response. I have a problem with making it public.

  36. Bis

    September 10, 2015 at 4:31 pm

    Haba! Miss Proudman! Oro yii abi eemi? Whilst it’s understandable that she didn’t appreciate the compliment, her response was wayyyy overboard! Ki l’a gbe, ki l’e ju? Absolutely unnecessary drama!

  37. OJ

    September 10, 2015 at 4:35 pm

    This is a clear case of PC gone bad. Anybody remember the Adrian richard donglegate case, where two guys made a joke between themselves about forking a dongle (IT jokes), well this richard woman overheard it and made a whole issue out of it on social media…the man got fired and richards got fired too. PC and feminazi is crap, period! its much more dangerous in the western world where more and more women are moving up the ranks and adopting the feminist ideology or also f—ing there way up to……i used to compliment ladies at work, i was fun loving and like interacting with people, but then u are dealing with ladies their mindset is already messed up with what is sexist and what is inappropriate, and hence not really understanding what is a God given natural behaviour for a man to say ”thats a nice outfit you have, you look great”….as innocent as the compliment may be, so long as she doesnt like you or she feels the slightly uncomfortable, she can go to HR and from there na firing squad ooo….. i speak from experience cos i’ve been there. if she likes you, she would be giggling and blurshing at her secret corner, after all, how does office romance and eventual marriage start??. My new office, i dont interact much with ladies there, i dont compliment, i hardly say hi even if they come to work naked, i dont give a hoot about them….then guess what the same ladies are saying, ”that guy is a snob, that guy doesnt even look at us, he doesnt do this he doesnt do that. he doesnt give us attention…..the fact is i dont need ur attention, i dont need all that drama again!!! i give my attention to more deserving and down to earth ladies

  38. molarah

    September 10, 2015 at 4:42 pm

    I kinda get where she’s coming from – even though her response is a bit much. As a single woman in the workplace, it takes real wisdom to know which comments from males (especially those senior to you) to say “thanks for the compliment” or to provide a stiff smile and quickly change the subject. But public shaming is a two-edged sword – it may end up hurting you more than the person you wanted to put on blast.

  39. molarah

    September 10, 2015 at 4:44 pm

    Ok, so I’m just seeing the fact that he mentioned he was being politically incorrect. This was overkill, Miss.

  40. Kezhia

    September 10, 2015 at 4:47 pm

    A tad bit over reaction from the lady, but different strokes for different folks. Honestly, I would have sent him a private message informing him that I do not appreciate his comment and put him in his place. If he did it again after my message to him then I will publicly embarrass him.

  41. shirley

    September 10, 2015 at 5:00 pm

    she is absolutely ridiculous

  42. Nne

    September 10, 2015 at 5:05 pm

    I understand her grief but she took it too far. That linkedin can be something else… while searching for a job, I would get request, after accepting it you would see the men trying to ask for your number. Some of them are ceos or in good position, when you finally give your number expecting them to call you relating to a job/opportunity, they would call you and start asking you personal questions about how they are interested in dating you etc……woman matter too much…May God help us as for this proud man you are so young yet see what you did to yourself. SMg

  43. #ideyobserve

    September 10, 2015 at 5:09 pm

    madam, ki la gbe ki le ju? now she says her career has suffered? of course, cos everyone thinks you are too emotional

  44. cnn

    September 10, 2015 at 5:40 pm

    i feel like this post came at just the right time..I am in supoort of the ladies reaction..I personally think compliments in an official environment are not necessary. I get that am beautiful u dnt need to tell me. You find guys in the work place who are ready to even talk about how many pimples you have and you need to go for a spa treatment and shit.. smh ..biko work is work we not kool like dt

  45. Anony Mouse

    September 10, 2015 at 6:07 pm

    A great deal of discretion is required to have a successful career in the legal profession. By blasting this out on Twitter, Ms. Proudman showed that she was lacking in the discretion department and that is the reason why her career may be in jeopardy. She could have ended her conversation with the gentleman in question on Linkedin – albeit more politely – like someone said, rudeness does not equate boldness. It is possible to be firm but polite. But the fact that she decided to put the conversation out on social media is one reason why many people may not hire her as an attorney. My $0.02.

  46. Swizzle

    September 10, 2015 at 6:31 pm

    This is what you get when feminism loses the plot

  47. damseldam1

    September 10, 2015 at 6:55 pm

    am seeing this in two ways angle firstly i feel she over reacted she should have just easily said thank you or ignore him but on the other hand am sure she probably felt if she didnt set the guy straight it may open the door to unserious men commenting on her looks only and may spoil the reputation she has built both on the site and at work and no one will take her seriously as their eyes may be suddenly open lol

  48. marvellous

    September 10, 2015 at 7:00 pm

    That’s way out of line on her part. I am in support of reduced r no comment on physcal appearance iin work place settings but a well placed comment never hurt to much. In the present scenario she overreacted and it wouldn’t hold much water in a work place (linkedin being the workplace in this instance) harassment suit

  49. ilovecompliments

    September 10, 2015 at 9:28 pm

    Silly women. I hope no one ever compliments her again, she doesn’t deserve it, personally or professionally. I also hope nobody offers to help her when she is stuck, or offer her a seat on the train when she is tired. She clearly over-reacted. If i worked with her I would shun her from now on. She may consider him sexist, but she clearly is ill-mannered in her response and by broadcasting on twitter. It’s not this man’s fault her father didn’t love her mother.

  50. Passerby

    September 11, 2015 at 12:51 am

    I think it’s sad that many are blaming this woman for how she felt and even shaming the gender by making references to periods, PMS and so on.

    She was very expressive but that was how she felt why blame shame her? Even the guy stated that he was making a “politically incorrect statement “.

    Nigerians are one of the most unprofessional people I’ve ever encountered….Im Nigerian and have worked in 2 different continents and believe Nigerians have a culture of over familiarity and being flippant about disrespect because it is part of our culture. Look at the first comment….how is that even acceptable that someone would say that in a work setting and it’s ok???…..we allow men to walk al over us….because we too are hungry for male attention.

    She should’ve simply told him that she found his comment unprofessional especially for a first time exchange but she has a right to her emotions….it’s a shame, I’m sure many of you commenting are women. Imagine if this was your husband on linked in….was it really necessary or appropriate.

    It’s only in Nigeria that any form of male attention to a woman is a big favor…no wonder she is being insulted. Shior.

    • Aleesha

      September 11, 2015 at 6:11 am

      Thank you for this.

  51. ay

    September 11, 2015 at 2:54 am

    She’s a lawyer, she over reacted. It was supposed to be a conversation she could have controlled with maturity, but she messed it up. What would she have said if it was a potential client? Anyway she is young and probably not been in practice for long…I am a woman and not bad looking and I do my job. Please let’s make compliments, compliments and nothing more until they become something more…

  52. OJ

    September 11, 2015 at 3:53 am

    If she feels been objectified, then she’s a hypocrite becos she has objectified men before
    see the latest on her case…
    dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3229951/Ooh-la-la-hot-stuff-s-prim-barrister-centre-sexism-storm-said-men-ogled-web.html

  53. Aleesha

    September 11, 2015 at 6:32 am

    I guess she may have overreacted, but as she said, it’s LinkedIn, not Tinder. The man couldn’t even wait to establish some form of familiarity with her, before commenting on her ‘picture’! Pray tell, how would she have managed to keep the relationship professional, when Mr man has already started with the compliments? There Really is a time and place for everything.
    As a woman, you have to prove that you’re more than a pretty face, then after all that work, men still focus on your looks. Never mind what this 27 year old might have achieved, or how impressive her LinkedIn profile may have been, na only her picture oga see.
    While I may not have put him on blast like that, I totally understand where she’s coming from. It may have been couched in a compliment, but that was inappropriate. Benevolent sexism I think they call it.

    So, yes she took a hammer to a fly, but the baba no try.

    • nwanyi na aga aga

      September 11, 2015 at 1:04 pm

      I compliment people a lot appropriately so this actually rubbed me in a wrong way. You know in networking there is something called “breaking the ice”. When you meet a person at first, the person does not jump and start giving you job links because of the qualifications you filled on linkedn, the person has to converse with you a while and see how you think/reason and gauge your level of intelligence and preparedness before either filling you in a job or adding you to some connections that will help you, and believe you me if you work in people oriented jobs you will know that if you really want to break the ice, the best topic is not professional, they re usually books, shoes, dress, make ups, perfumes, wrist watches, movies, sports(politics to be used less often as they attract strong emotions and sentiments) abstract subjects usually are encouraged, Most people break the ice with compliments. Compliments are easy conversation starters..”Oh your wrist watch is nice, is that a Cartier?… You also read Adichie, how did you see purple hibiscus?.. . In this case the man said “Your pix is stunning” a normal reaction would ve been “Thank you Sir,yours look equally good” then you can bring in your business, or if you re someone like me who sees business in every opportunity, you will say ” Thank you sir, it was taken by my friend Fashion photography, she is a talented photographer” You never know where your sun will shine, the man might be looking for someone to give him a new portrait you will sharply connect at a fee. If the man wants to take it too far by making suggestive comments “You will politely decline and remove him from your connections, even if you now share at least people will see the reason for your rant. All these “iru mmachu” (face frowning) you people carry around and call feminism is not it o, I encourage young women to read up the history of feminism and what the cause stands for to avoid scenarios as such as this.

    • Comment

      September 12, 2015 at 5:16 am

      You just don’t get it…..lol.

  54. Perrified

    September 11, 2015 at 6:46 am

    So here I am sitted reading the comments about this ladys’s diatribe and my reading is interrupted by a voice asking me, “Fine girl can I borrow your Biro?” First of all, I am a married mother of 2, so I know that to some people I should accept it as a complement but no. I found it patronising. Normally, I would sound off on the patroniser by asking him what he called him and then giving him a lecture on how that was an inappropriate way to address anyone, not just a woman but then because it was an elderly man my home training kicked in and I passive aggressively responded that I didn’t have one though I had five. He moved on to the lady beside me and said good morning, can I borrow…
    Now back to the matter. Proudwoman needs to calm down. She didn’t need to respond or acknowledge the compliment. Her silence on the compliment and a continuation of the conversation on another line of thought would sent the message well enough because the man intintellent enough to have cited that the statement was politically incorrect. And now her career is in jeoparsy. Ah, youthful exuberance, what can you say? This will teach her to exercise a bit more tact in future. What if the man is the main decision maker in the next meeting she walks into? What if my “harasser” happened to be a friend’s father? #Lessonslearned

  55. Comment

    September 12, 2015 at 5:15 am

    Perrified…..typo for petrified maybe? Many have flogged the horse about her over reacting but unfairly failing to acknowledge that the guy too was overfamiliar…..except a few.

    It says a lot about the standards we set for men in comparison to women….what you’ve said in essence is….be silent and bottle your emotions….because of the potential of who he might be…..is that what you will teach your daughter?…..just be quiet?…..how about a middle ground like saying something more diplomatic like. “I would appreciate that you found my work stunning instead…..”

    She should learn to communicate her feelings better but he too should learn to be more professional.

    He has made it clear right off the bat that he can’t hide the fact that he is distracted by her looks….that would make anyone uncomfortable…

  56. Teawine Penner

    September 15, 2015 at 12:09 pm

    Whatever the case, next time just block the real names before you post any such stuff on social media!
    That’s like so basic!

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