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Mercy Ajisafe on the Struggles of African Women & how Society Rewards ‘the Deplorable Behaviour’ of Men

Adesola Ade-Unuigbe

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MERCY AJISAFE

OAP Mercy Ajisafe had quite a bit to say this morning via her social media page and quite a number of her followers agree with her train of thought.

According to the Cool FM presenter, society does not understand the difficulties modern day African women face. She also went on to condemn the way men are rewarded for things they should be condemned for.

She wrote:

Sometimes I wonder why society seems hell bent on ignoring how difficult the plight of the modern day African woman is. The world is rapidly expanding and evolving, yet we are expected to adhere to the same value systems of our mothers and grandmothers. Despite the fact that there are very few ‘men’ left in the traditional sense. Our fathers and forefathers were leaders, teachers, providers and facilitators who understood their duties, and executed them with pride. In my opinion, society not only encourages the deplorable behaviour of the modern day man, but also rewards it. Why do men think that the fact they are men, means that they should be treated as an authority when they possess none of the qualities of men? Because the truth is if you don’t possess the qualities associated with masculinity(strength, integrity, courage, bravery, wisdom, responsibility, reliability, compassion and the desire to protect ones family and partner to name a few), the only thing that quantifies you as a man, is your penis. I still cannot fathom the concept of a man using a woman for money or opportunities, how on earth do you dare call yourself a man?

She also went on to talk about the future we (as a society) are building for ourselves. She stated “There are so few men these days (of course women have also lost their way, but as a genuine WOMBMAN, I can only talk for myself) that I am genuinely worried about the future. What are our options, honestly? Polygamy? Procreation via modern science leading to an abundance of single parents? Honestly, what do we do?”

Do you agree with her train of thoughts?

Adesola is a BellaNaija editor and Voltron. Yes, things are that serious for her when it comes to BellaNaija.com.She's a lover of gist, novels, music and food. She's constantly trying not to take life for granted. She spends most of her time either keeping up with the world on the Internet or sharing some acquired knowledge about digital media.To communicate with her directly, you can hit her up on: Instagram - @adesola.au Twitter - @ThisConnectd

29 Comments

  1. straightfromlasgidi.blogspot.com

    September 28, 2015 at 9:37 am

    I quite agree with her train of thought. Very few men possess the qualities she listed above and it’s quite sad.

  2. Adufe007

    September 28, 2015 at 9:47 am

    Its so unfortunate, misplaced priority greatest undoing of our generation, like ve always said men run the world, women run their worlds.

  3. Nne

    September 28, 2015 at 10:25 am

    To be honest I do not know if I agree with her train of thoughts

    Nigerian women are the biggest enablers infact some of these women can make you cry out of frustration. Thankfully we have some women that are doing great things for themselves.

    I think Nigerian men get away with things easily because the women enable and love it that way, simple. It could be the wife, mother, sister, gf,etc
    Once women agree to stand together and fight for what they want then things would change.
    Women can be anything they want be it housewife, career, sidechic etc but if we do not respect the power we have how do you expect the men to respect us

    The thing is Nigeria is going the other way round. In the west they fought for women empowerment, education, had laws put in place to protect the woman; that is why a woman can be anything she wants be it career, housewife, prostitute, video vixen etc but she still has the laws of the country to protect her

    But in Nigeria although the female child is educated, we do not have laws that protect us and our “culture ‘ while wonderful has some effects. Change is constant we need to start addressing certain issues as a nation. Education and Re orientation of the nigerian mind is needed
    We truly need a sort of feminist movement in this country; not to insult the men but to help in empowering the women and making the people and government realise that times have changed we cannot expect women to grow and change their roles to become providers but expect the men to stay the same

    The only thing I will advise for now is women stop complaining. If you know the kind of man you want just pray, believe and keep it moving until you get him. Although scarce but there are good men out there. Don’t waste time complaining about the men you do not deem suitable because trust another woman is waiting to have that man.

  4. Kaycee

    September 28, 2015 at 10:49 am

    The only thing holding the African women is the African women. Forget all this popularity contest of who will bash men more that is going on, deep down ladies know that the very essence of their living revolves around men. Women need men to put them through stress and a position a little bit uncomfortable for them, in other to develop a certain level of chemistry. Every time I work through my department, and I see most of this exuberant career driven women, I see the desire to be dominated, and have good sex, which I sometimes oblige and condone with every level of dignity left in me. I have come to realise that most women crave subjugation and dominance. The slight maltreatment create some kind of pop in a cherry sort of reaction, when done passionately and persistently,

    What it is my point you may ask? Basically, for ladies who feels not loved as much or not being treated as they should be, by their man. I advice ladies to stick to that relationship, as that less than 30% wrong doings might be the optimal point of your ecstasy level.. In other words, any man that treats you better than that, u will certainly find him abated and sacrosanct.

    • May

      September 28, 2015 at 11:59 am

      Normally, I tend to stay mute on comments, but your opinion is the most ill informed generalization that I have come across in my life. The mere fact that you think women’s existence centers around men is one of the reasons why our society will not move forward. There is no rational justification to say one sex needs one more than the other ( and please do not hit me with the procreation jargon), they need each other. I agree with the earlier comments that we need to spend less time talking about the flaws of the opposite sex and continuously try and implement the change we want to see, within our relationships and as a society as whole.

    • Leila

      September 28, 2015 at 12:14 pm

      Like seriously, are you sane? What happened to you in childhood to make you think this way? I feel sorry for you. Nothing else to be said.

    • Leila

      September 28, 2015 at 12:20 pm

      My comment wad directed @Kaycee

  5. bruno fierce

    September 28, 2015 at 11:18 am

    who broke this one’s heart?

    men this, men that biko stop this foolish talk.
    “the deplorable behaviour of men” how? can someone explain to me what that means.

    many of u just keep opening ur mouth and talking shit just because u want to join the feminist band wagon. I have said it countless times, bashing men is not feminism. u will only make ur self look stupid and petty.

    if u knew how hard many nigerian men worked to provide for their wife and kids u won’t be opening ur useless mouth to say shit. bus drivers, conductors, brick layers, shoe makers etc all working hard cause they dont want their wife and kids to go hungry.

    let me ask u what is the difficulties a modern day African woman faces? is any body stopping her from working or voting or driving a car or owning a car or a house? explain to us who is holding an african woman back from achieving her goal? afterall many of u ladies ur main goal in life is to be married, (its the truth)
    but when a woman is getting old and can’t find a man to marry her, she starts to blame men and society, how is it a man’s fault because u can find a husband?

    I hope when a civil war breaks out in Nigeria, I hope all women who are 18 years and above will be forced into the army while all nigerian men will stay home and take care of the kids. nonsense

    • ROFL

      September 28, 2015 at 2:22 pm

      LMAO @ feminist bandwagon. Of course feminism is beautiful cuz without it, many socieites would still approve of husbands beating/flogging their wives, women spending their days in the kitchen, women suffering in silence, etc. I’m talking of real feminism here not embittered and extreme feminists with blind views. Then again, cowards and misguided men are scared of thorough bred feminists.

      LMAO once again @ your civil war prayers. May that war break out in your home and not in the country. If only you know the dehumanization and violation, etc. women suffer during wars. Rape, assault, harassment, slavery, on going abuse, etc. If you have ever lived through civil or any war, you would surely hope that someone will give you a gun or at least shoot you on sight instead of kidnapping you then turning you into a sex slave. Oh, and most sex slaves are raped to death or tortured to death. So yes, I would rather fight on war front where I stand a chance with weapons and support of my troop than be running around with multiple children trying to avoid bullets, explosions or being kidnapped. You know quite well you’ll flee with no shoes on if war breaks out, so don’t shift your emasculation on women when it’s evident that your issues are deeply rooted inside.

    • charles

      September 28, 2015 at 4:54 pm

      First time I agree with you Bruno

    • Ani

      October 2, 2015 at 11:42 am

      Thank you for your comment, it’s so easy to notice,it’s the old ones that have useless their lifes by sleeping with so many men that cry there are bad men in Nigeria. Who ll want to be with a woman every man has sampled

  6. MakaWhy

    September 28, 2015 at 11:42 am

    Men are in for it. Every woman blames a man for any and every issue in her life. Part of growing up is taking responsibility for one’s actions. A lady knowing too well that you’re married but seeks to have some of you, another wants to have a baby with you outside wedlock at the end they turn around and blame it on the man. African men are lampooned every step of the way by African sisters who love to eat their cake and have it. They wouldn’t want to be treated like Oyibo women e.g. pay your bill when we go to a restaurant; the men seeks divorce as soon as gravity takes the better part of you while you get recycled some more; abandon the children with the women etc. African men’s homely/family disposition is taken for granted.

  7. ElessarisEllendil

    September 28, 2015 at 11:48 am

    “Sometimes I wonder why society seems hell bent on ignoring how difficult the plight of the modern day African woman is.”: Seeing this I just knew I would regret reading this, “the modern day Africa woman” does not seem to understand that she lives in third world conditions and that its hard for ALL of us. FFS, you think we enjoy living here??

    LMFAO, the so called modern African woman is a lesser version of her forebears, its not even close, 100 years back, the typical African woman was a multi-tasking machine!!!, from farming, petty-trading to taking care of the children, laundry and cooking, she did all this without takeout, vacuum cleaners and the washing machine, some of the very exceptional ones in addition to all of the above still had time to be Priestesses and Mid-wives, to lead their female only meetings e.t.c.

    Please modern African women realise that they are way more Men in Nigeria than just the few bad eggs you see in Lagos and Abuja, for starters, do none of you visit your villages?? Only a liar believes that for every one Man you lot parade as an example of the decadence of the modern Man there are not 7 others living according to the ideals of old both here in Nigeria and worldwide change your environment, grow a pair(metaphor ohh not literally) and quit whining.

    Abeg!

    • Leila

      September 28, 2015 at 12:18 pm

      And there will always be people like you who just do not get it. This is why change for the woman is an uphill task in our societies.

  8. Yue

    September 28, 2015 at 12:02 pm

    “Because the truth is if you don’t
    possess the qualities associated with masculinity
    (strength, integrity, courage, bravery, wisdom,
    responsibility, reliability, compassion and the
    desire to protect ones family and partner to name
    a few), the only thing that quantifies you as a man,
    is your penis.” You talk about us living in a modern world and still abiding by our grandparent’s standard, but You end up with a conclusion termed as the “truth” on the traits that qualifies a man. Now, I’m perplexed to extremes! Courage,wisdom,responsibility and the rest are personal traits, things that we build in ourselves, for ourselves and by ourselves. Although, certain experiences and situations may forcefully make us accept and exhibit these traits, it has a lot more to do with our personal life and standards and very little with our gender! A woman can possess all these qualities (now or years ago, it was ever possible). Infact, anyone can. So ending your point in this manner makes me wonder what Your whole write-up stands for. Generally, men feel like there are certain traits they need to possess to qualify them as “men” e.g wealth, power, strength etc, hence their authoritativeness. These may not be thesame exact qualities you stated above, but the similarity is very obvious. -(That men need to possess certain traits (which is clearly personal than social to qualify them as men is what is kiiling our society) If I’m not courageous as a man or do not take responsibilities for my actions, I should be dammed not in connection to my gender but who I am as a person. It is this mentality that we women fight against, a mentality that ruled past generations that feminists are pushing away in every way. So please Aji, I suggest You get your fact straight whenever next..

  9. Tee&Fii

    September 28, 2015 at 12:10 pm

    Well it’s true, it’s not time to bash or blame men,society etc anymore. The question is do us women want this change, we’ve talked about for so long. Most especially, the coloured woman, and to be specific the African woman.
    The one thing that women have never tried to do is coming together and CLOSING OUR LEGS…,. and NO it’s not a religious move or feminist movement walking down your street. And this goes to all the single ladies.
    But if we say that we can’t, it’s too hard bla bla bla then we need to ask ourselves………
    Women for the love of God is time to wake up and get clarity….No judgment, just saying.

    • Anonymous

      September 28, 2015 at 5:30 pm

      I am confused, I thought we had passed this stage of thinking we opened or closed our legs to make a man respect us. I open my legs when I feel comfortable with it and everybody respects themselves. If you have self esteem be ye male or female you will not sleep around except you want to.
      Btw, I am a female, visually stimulated( Idris Elba and Will smith’s body anyday) and slightly polygamous by nature depending on my mood

    • molarah

      September 28, 2015 at 9:19 pm

      I hate to be the one to break it to you…but yes…that’s what it revolves around. Humankind has not yet evolved (and I doubt if we will) to the extent that restraint on sex ceases to be a bargaining tool for relationships. Your ‘opening of legs’ at will gives you the illusion of choice, truth is, ‘sexual liberation’ women practice just ends up handing power back into the hands of the male folk.

  10. bibi

    September 28, 2015 at 1:12 pm

    @kaycee what kind of twisted logic is this?Your female subordinates are the one I pity,they are obviously in for it.

  11. bibi

    September 28, 2015 at 1:12 pm

    Ones

  12. onyx

    September 28, 2015 at 1:15 pm

    @Bruno Fierce, you have spoken well. The new trend of ” African men bashing” is really in full swing. Madame Ajisafe and co keep on polluting the minds of ladies with articles like these that you and your cohorts keep churning out. Guess it’s the new fad. We the association of African or Naija men agree. We are all evil, we are to blame for ISIS even. Make una kontinu.

  13. Tari

    September 28, 2015 at 1:30 pm

    Because the truth is if you don’t possess the qualities associated with masculinity(strength, integrity, courage, bravery, wisdom, responsibility, reliability, compassion and the desire to protect ones family and partner to name a few), the only thing that quantifies you as a man, is your penis.

    Enough of these attention seeking pieces!!
    The lack of these qualities know no gender. As scarce as it is for men, so it is for women.
    I struggle to appreciate people who see everything through the prism of gender. It signals a lack of intelligence.
    Who told you that bravery, wisdom, integrity, courage and reliability is an exclusive preserve of the masculine gender?

  14. G!

    September 28, 2015 at 2:04 pm

    Kaycee you are a small minded, sexist pig! Fancy reducing your argument to the female’s need for sexual domination. Bah!

  15. Yue

    September 28, 2015 at 7:06 pm

    Thank You hunnie! I thought I had gone entirely bonkers as it seemed like I was the only one who noticed it until You showed up!

  16. dayo

    September 28, 2015 at 7:31 pm

    …this is seriously unnerving and disturbing to say the least. This girl or woman ranting about things she knows nothing about just shows the problem the African society faces at large. She says “the world is expanding and evolving”…but she has no idea in which direction. Her point of view is distorted and skewered to an extent that she thinks that African women sleeping around; claiming to be single parent, drinking and dressing like porn actresses is something to be proud of. She says that there are no men left in the”…traditional sense…but society wants them to behave like their mothers…” This is very unsettling…because this young lady has no idea that the reason she made it this far is because…”Her” so-called African mothers and grandmothers had a value system that help compensate for some irresponsible male behaviour, and kept the family moving in the right direction. There are more than enough so-called “traditional men..” or men in “the traditional sense…” in Nigeria to start a decent family. The problem is girls or women like this Mercy Ajiface, would rather be attracted by opulence and materialism, promiscuity, make-up and false hair, sometimes false teeth, and not completing their education. And then complain about men and women equality because they don’t want to be the mothers their mothers were: There mothers knew they were equal to men, but also knew they -the mothers- had the most important role in the family, which was to mold and shape and guide, not just the children, but also the husband. Now that’s the kind of wisdom this Mercy Ajisafe is seriously lacking. So people please stop encouraging her and her backwards “expanding and evolving(devolving)…” mentality on African ethics!!!

    • Anonymous

      October 3, 2015 at 5:33 am

      Actually she’s my first cousin and just about everything you said is so off base. Bye Felicia! Hir dogs holler that’s why you mad.

  17. Brighton Lad

    September 29, 2015 at 11:18 am

    Articles like this annoy me. She talked about how our ‘traditional’ fathers were teachers. Leaders, providers and facilitators. I can bet that if she met a not so rich ‘mordern’ man who could be all these things and more, she wouldn’t even know it and will judge his masculinity based on his bank account.

  18. Husbandless chics be crying wolf

    September 29, 2015 at 4:26 pm

    All these husband-less chics be crying wolf all day and bashing men right, left and centre.

    Your brain is damaged.

    If you want to talk about traditional men and women, go research and figure out silly girl

    1. Men were authorities
    2. Men had wives (not one)
    3. Men provided for the house (and are still doing including buying you your recharge card, undies, paying for your trips, paying your bride price, renting/buying the house you move into after wedding, giving food money….)
    4. Women were submissive to the core (not crazy like you who do whatever you like and still want men to be your equal)
    5. Women were home makers (not waka bout like you who rarely stays ahome, parties all night long, frequents eateries and barely know hot to boil yam, talk less of other dishes)

    6. Who are the society? Is the society not made up of you and I?

    Husbandless chics be crying everyday when kids wey dey born yesterday don marry give birth. After you fu*k d whole town finish, do shakara all over and your time don expire you now come here crying shit

    No go out go see small girls getting married every weekend to real men

  19. Mo

    September 30, 2015 at 9:41 am

    Sometimes I dey fear for Nigerians, why do we assume every woman is a prostitute looking for money? do you know her personally? We no dey like truth sha. I dont necessarily agree with everything you said, But I know what you’re saying Mercy, and you made very valid points. Most of all, I appreciate your intelligence and ability to articulate yourself.

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