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Asake-Okin: Borrowership 101



In Principle of Finance class, I was taught that the sources of funding include; family and friends (F&F), grants, financial institutions etc. Apart from F&F, other sources might require the borrower to meet certain criteria. (Read up the 5 Cs of credit if you are getting funds from a financial institution.)
A couple of weeks ago, I decided to clean-up my internet banking by deleting beneficiaries I did not foresee future transactions with. As I cleaned it up, I realized about 3 or 4 people who promised to payback funds borrowed by month end did not fulfil their promise – 2 out of these people never mentioned anything about the money till date.
I am sure we can all narrate a story about a defaulting debtor who decided not to payback and still remained mute.  However, if we search deep within us, we also have magnificent debtors who pay back on or before the stated date.
“Asake, you should never lend out what you can dash” Ayo said.
“What if the borrower genuinely needs more than I can dash out?” I asked myself.
I remember during my youth service, a fellow corper needed to pay for her professional exam on a particular day. The bank to which our NYSC allowance was paid into was very far from our place of primary assignment. As soon as our salary was paid, she reached out to me and asked I could lend her 35k which was my entire salary. She said she would pay back within 2 days. On the second day, she called me before 7am to request for my bank details. YES!!! She paid back.
I feel like the rule of lending out only what you can dash would be unfair to those who are credit worthy and do not have alternative borrowing source(s).

Apart from the rule above, there should be more rules and regulations guiding borrowing from F& F so I came up with Borrowership 101 – Basic rules for borrowing, (feel free to add yours).
Be direct with your request:
Loan ≠ dash. Never assume a loan is a dash no matter how small the money is.

Share a payment plan:
This helps both you and the lender plan effectively. Sometimes, we borrow a lumpsum that we are unable to pay back due to our current cash flow. Discuss the option of installment payment with your lender.

Stick to the plan:
There will be times when you cannot fulfil your commitment; please communicate the change in payment and stick with the revised plan.

Notify the lender of any payment – if under an instalment payment plan
Also, share the total loan paid so far and balance to go after each payment. This helps guide against any future dispute on how much is outstanding.

Do not broadcast your loan or payment plan to a mutual 3rd party:
Take into consideration that your lender might not be a commercial lender as there might be a dispute if the 3rd party approaches your lender and does not get the same facility.

Do not borrow a perpetual defaulter money the third time unless it is a dash.

Remind the borrower(s) of their commitment:
They might have forgotten. Honestly, I have done this only once, it is not my favorite thing to do

We have to acknowledge there are moments in life when we need money to do something personal or a business deal which cannot be solely funded by us hence we source for funds.

There was a time I used to spend my mum’s money because I was always with her debit card. Whenever I paid back and tried to reconcile the account with her, she’d tell me she is not interested – saying “You borrowed my money and you should be disciplined enough to return the exact amount – if you don’t return it, next time you swipe the card, there will be nothing there”

Till next time, remember money can be a relationship builder or breaker – the coin can land either way, toss wisely.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Mary Katherine Wynn 

ASÀKÉ-Ọ̀KÍN is the other girl in my life, who blogs when she is inspired to do so and recently added amateur photography to her life outside her Supply Chain career. She blogs at


  1. Gaga

    October 7, 2015 at 1:13 am

    Beautiful Piece…….Very educative – finance wise! Never stop,never settle, d sky is ur start!

  2. The real D

    October 7, 2015 at 1:18 am

    These rules and regulations don’t work for the average human especially some of my fellow country men and women. Someone once told me if you want to test the true character of a man give him money or power. Our sense of entitlement will not free us to do the right thing. I have uncles ,aunties and cousinsthat have not hesitated to say that my dad’s money is theirs so they have no intention of paying him back. The only uncle my dad has a good relationship with has decided to cut off from every other brother or sister of theirs after he almost lost his house after co signing a loan for another uncle (one of their other brothers) after dude took loan, spent it all and conveniently disappeared. Knowing fully well that his brother used his house as collateral
    That is family, I know of a so called man of God that borrowed money from my dad to get a place for himself and his wife but told my dad( months after agreed upon date and yet no money) that he has no intention of paying him back according to him, my dad had more than enough hence it was his God given responsibility to help him spend it.

    • Asake-Okin

      October 7, 2015 at 10:29 pm

      Wow…. I can only imagine how your uncle felt. He was only trying to help.
      The best way for this rule to work is if we hold our “ownself” accountable first.

  3. AntiMoneyLending

    October 7, 2015 at 1:24 am

    Nice article! However, the golden rule for me remains; whatever amount I can’t give out (dash),I won’t lend it to anyone…..I’m not Barclays!

  4. Chi

    October 7, 2015 at 2:44 am

    Nice piece. At first it’s difficult to determine whether an individual will be a defaulter or not, and that scared me. I’ve seen my parents lose so much money nd [email protected] brought me to a point where I decided to lend wat I can dash. for d sake of sincere pple I need to know how to identify genuine borrowers.

  5. smug

    October 7, 2015 at 7:33 am

    Nice article i must say. For me I’ve always lived by the golden rule, “don’t lend out an amount you cannot dash out”. However, this rule does not apply to family and the inner circle.

  6. 'tima

    October 7, 2015 at 7:42 am

    To maintain a gud relationship wit F&F, its advisable u lend out d money u can dash out without worries so that if d person defaults, u won’t av much hassles. Though dat wud be d last tym u wud lend out 2 dat particular person.


    October 7, 2015 at 9:09 am

    To lend money is human, but to collect it back is Divine, God will help us the lenders.

  8. bunny

    October 7, 2015 at 9:29 am

    Nice post, I usually don’t comment but this piece hit home. I recently loaned my 5000 naira and she promised to pay back the next week, after about 2weeks, I called her asking of the money as I needed to buy my baby’s formula, she asked for my account number which I sent to her and waited until 3days without getting any alert so I called her again and in her words “I dey on my way to the bank now” and up until today I still haven’t received any alert. This pissed me off big time and people might think the amount is too small to get angry over but lemme make a recap, I had my baby 10months ago and this said cousin even though we are supposed to be kinda close hasn’t come to see my baby. Also, she couldn’t even have the courtesy to call me to request for the loan, she sent me a text which I replied immediately, she couldn’t also call to acknowledge when I sent the money, she also texted me “thank you”. It’s just so. Annoying the sense of entitlement we Nigerians have. She just blew any chance of asking me for anything in future, even if it’s 50kobo, I WONT GIVE!

    • Ada

      October 7, 2015 at 11:03 am

      You mah no dey serious o. How person go send you text to ask for money and you go come transfer am? Lai lai, next time make sure the person is calling or at least chatting (whatsapp or bbm) and explaining why they need the money and when they will pay it back. Engaging with the borrower and explaining that you are not Dangote and that you need the money as much will provide backing for you when the person starts forming amnesia.

      In fact there are rules of borrowing. If you are gonna be asking me for money, you better have the courtesy to give me a call.

      Another thing people should do is be honest with themselves. If an unemployed or underemployed person calls you and requests for big sums of money for no life changing reason, you mah you need to help the person by saying no. Don’t make him owe you when you know he cannot pay back, some people are shameless borrowers.

      My Man’s unemployed brother called to ask me for an amount of money I knew he could not pay back to use and “do something”. Ah ah?! Me I had to help him by saying no because 1. he cannot pay back. 2. “Do something” is not a need 3. If you are gonna ask your brother’s girlfriend for money, you are a chronic borrower and you need deliverance, you gats have limits!

    • slice

      October 7, 2015 at 2:25 pm

      I dont agree with the phone call requirement o. U know borrowing can be hard for theborrower too. U dont need a call with the poor sucker working up the nerve to ask. A text will do. If I trust u and I have it, u get a simple response asking how u want the funds and when u plan to pay. If I start asking u more questions chances are that loan wont happen

    • bunny

      October 7, 2015 at 11:17 pm

      *sigh* things we do for “family”

    • Asake-Okin

      October 7, 2015 at 10:33 pm

      I can relate with your post. I gave my very first defaulter my last pocket money. Most times,we tend to put people’s needs ahead of us, sometimes we just have to be selfish.
      Irrespective of the mode of communication, a defaulter will default

  9. b

    October 7, 2015 at 10:03 am

    Sometimes the easiest thing is to not borrow at all. I would like to be a lender and not a borrower. However I do understand that there are instances where borrowing comes with the territory i.e. mortgage. This was a good and informative article.

    It’s always good to give what you can afford to give away, that way if the person cannot pay, it may still hurt/annoy but you are easily able to give it up.

  10. Blondie

    October 7, 2015 at 11:34 am

    try to discipline yourself & Live within your budget….Save before your spend what’s left. that way u make preparation for the rainy day…. borrowing is never an option for me.
    I don’t hope to find myself in a situation so much so that i must borrow. i hate it! Some people just do it so casually, even borrowing from Peter to pay Paul. I also can’t lend u money that i can’t forget about, this prepares me for the stories that touch.

  11. Jay

    October 7, 2015 at 12:51 pm

    I ve learned my lesson about borrowing or lending people funds genuine or however, i simply don’t lend people money.. let me share some experiences.
    Lendee 1; friend.. very good friend. had issues paying school fees, i decided i had loose cash, i shld help out gave said friend 200k.. with a promise to get it back in 2 /3 months. time passes, no word, 4 months, 5, 6, 7 a year!!! i had to ask ermmm bros wey ds money nau! story begin enter.. long n short he kept dribbling me, till my best friend sent him a very nasty text, the next week h paid half and another half within same month.. thankfully we re still friends but i ve learnt neverrrrr again

    Lendee 2: Sorry son of a gun, collected 50k from me and till date has refused to pay back, initially asked for 90.. thank God i used wisdom to say i had only 50. he has changed his numbers and has moved out of the house i knew he stayed… how did i meet him again??? long storry.. I ve prayed thoroughly for him, wherever he is karma will def reach him. and to think he drove a range and had several other cars..

    Lendee 3: half caste friend who always needed me to pay one or two people for him while he was out of the country, pay my houseboy, pay my gardner, pay for the gen.. pay for that, i liked him o truthfully and he had money so i didnt see d big deal.. wor!!! he came arand na.. give me my money o.. no love in business mehn, he started posting me.. it took almost a call out on Social media before he released my cash a whole 2000usd of my money. After 1 year. i balled with that money sha..

    so i ve pulled my ears severally!! never again will i lend anyone money, if i have to give u fine.. if not byeee…
    Sorry abt the long episode.. n d typosss..

    • Phoebe

      October 7, 2015 at 1:38 pm

      Lol.. hilarious instances, pele.. I think paying back is a BIG issue oo.. How do these folk even sleep at night?

  12. Blondie

    October 7, 2015 at 1:31 pm

    But i can’t even find my comment since morning..
    came back to read other people’s opinions & mine has entered ghost mode.. why??

  13. de Mark

    October 7, 2015 at 4:00 pm

    rightly said, I can only lend more than I can dash out to family and insanely close friends. learnt the hard way. If u think of how hard u have worked only to have one annoying somborri borrow ur hard earned cash and not pay… ..

  14. General Besh

    October 7, 2015 at 8:07 pm

    I have few friends I can loan out as much as I have in my accounts and even borrow for them sef…they would do same for me and are always on time.

  15. Tolu

    October 7, 2015 at 10:11 pm

    Nice write up. Being a lazy reader, it’s not everyday I come across posts that keep u scrolling till d end and not wanting to stop. Really nice, concise, and entertaining. Thumbs up!

    • lazy reader

      October 8, 2015 at 10:21 am

      stop being a lazy reader. There is nothing like that
      If you condition yourself to, you will.
      i dislike people who don’t read and then ask you to brief them or summarize for them
      No! read yourself

  16. Damilare

    October 8, 2015 at 2:46 am

    Nice piece! I think the reason why some people don’t pay back is that they assume you can actually dash it out. In their minds, it’s a dash but the lender thinks it’s borrow.

    • Asake-Okin

      October 8, 2015 at 5:59 pm

      That is why we need to align intention i.e be direct with your request.

      Assume it is Dash ke? Why will i dash someone half of my salary or my entire salary…

  17. tope

    October 8, 2015 at 1:24 pm

    Very lovely piece….

  18. tope

    October 8, 2015 at 1:37 pm

    ‘Be direct with your request:
    Loan ≠ dash. Never assume a loan is a dash no matter how small the money is’ This is for me…The moment I lend out money…I immediately assume I just dashed it out. so if I get it back it feels like I just made profit…Hardly do I ever get back anyways so I just neva lend out any amount I cant dash out. Most borrowers know how to come up with perfect excuses….and worse is the sort of insult u might get for asking atimes….Too many defaulters…very few are true to their words….Whats I feel is important is having the grace to differentiate from defaulters and non defaulters

    • Asake-Okin

      October 8, 2015 at 6:01 pm

      That grace is important.. The challenge is there are people who need large sum of money that you are unable to dash out but their payback period works for you

  19. Ng

    October 8, 2015 at 3:41 pm

    Great write up!!! Yeah! it’s better to ask for dash than promise to pay knowing fully well that you won’t be able to do so!

  20. NaijaPikin

    October 8, 2015 at 4:52 pm

    Cosigned for 2 car loans and then a student loan for 2 friends and 1 fam. Thankfully all of them have been very responsible with it.

    But i had to borrow myself sense sha and adopt “Don’t lend what you cant afford to lose”. its saved me a whole lotta heart and head ache. People not returning $200 here $50 there. Always good for people to show themselves when it is smaller amounts involved.

    • Abybal

      October 20, 2015 at 4:48 pm

      Nice piece sis, well to me i have faced a lot of disappointment as regards borrowing but i don’t know why i cant stop pitying F&F and cant say no when they ask, even if they end up disappointing you. Let just pray to GOD to keep enriching our pocket to always have when they ask.

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