Connect with us

Features

William Ifeanyi Moore: Over-Communication – A 21st Century Dilemma

Published

 on

The problem with communication when thought of in a quantitative manner is that we can’t really outline when it is too little or too much. And if that wasn’t enough, we have the problem of personal differences. There are people like me that don’t generally appreciate excessive communication and can even label it a sign of insecurity. There are people I know that would shiver more than crack addicts in need of a fix if as much as an hour passed without hearing from their love interest (slight exaggeration here, but you get my drift).

I often wonder how my parents managed to date without the use of smartphones or even e-mails. Have we become a lot more prone to emotional dependency and insecurity because we have the technology to allow for such neediness? Or have humans always been as needy but didn’t have the means to tend to our insecurities? Perhaps I have it all wrong and the need to talk constantly is actually not a result of underlying insecurity, but just a natural need that arises out of fondness.

In my humble opinion, and please go easy on me if I am wrong, any form of human communication is a break from our constant loneliness. Naturally, this loneliness is something we struggle with, and as our society becomes more individualistic and less community based, we would feel the pain of loneliness even more. For this I would recommend self-love. And not the superficial self-love hashtaged on Instagram pictures (I wonder why I’ve never seen a guy do one of those self-love picutes…post for another day). I am talking about a self-love that covers knowing who you are and being comfortable and accepting of it, mastering being with yourself without the need of any external validation and ridding yourself of all inferiority complex. In a society where self-praise is often equated to arrogance, it can be rather difficult to appreciate ourselves.

I cannot give a list of dos and don’ts to govern communication; but a mindfulness of how we interpret communication behaviors like slow replies, shortened conversation and outright communication breaks, go a long way to letting us know if we are communicating out of want or need. Perhaps some of you can relate to the ease of communicating with people before we get emotionally attached to them. How we could take our time to reply and not be persecuted, and they could take their time and we wouldn’t get paranoid or feel unappreciated.

Do you have any experience with thinking someone is needy because they want to chat all the time? Or maybe you find yourself with this habit…feel free to share in the comment section. When is it too much or too little?

Photo Credit: Dreamstime |  Robert Kneschke

William Ifeanyi Moore is an MPharm graduate from the University of Portsmouth, UK. His true passion is in novels and poetry but he cheats on them with movies, plays, and music. He believes sacrifice and compromise is the bedrock of any healthy relationship. His debut novel Lonely Roads is out on 10/12/2015. Blog: www.soulsyrup.space Twitter: @willifmoore Instagram: willifmoore

24 Comments

  1. Bolu

    October 6, 2015 at 6:57 pm

    Yes William is back and I enjoyed reading this. And I love this sentence “I am talking about a self-love that covers knowing who you are and being comfortable and accepting of it, mastering being with yourself without the need of any external validation and ridding yourself of all inferiority complex” That sentence is re-assessment 101 which some of us need 🙂

  2. NiceOne

    October 6, 2015 at 8:50 pm

    There is a normal and healthy amount of communication. Excessive communication just like most things done in excess is not good. I think our parents would have behaved similarly to us, why? because they rocked the Afro and boot coot trousers in season. I also like to get a difference in opinion regarding *stereotype* Men that don’t express emotions verbally vs Women that tend to express their emotion verbally. Really enjoyed reading your as it will give me something to think about.

  3. Vee

    October 6, 2015 at 9:21 pm

    As u put it,i dnt like ‘excessive communication’

  4. ladun

    October 6, 2015 at 9:48 pm

    Excessive communication is not my thing. It gets tirin

  5. Yue

    October 7, 2015 at 6:36 am

    Bae is back! (How many times did You sneeze during the past week, Will?) Boy did scream your name a hundred times over?!! Kisses :* welcome.

    Personally It is about knowing “who is who” in your life. If your acquaintances can be differentiated from friends, that is key! You know who You can hit up at Night and they don’t/won’t find it disturbing, as You both already have an understanding. As for the ” I am getting to know him/her” time, convos should me kept at a minimum? No! If it goes on that way, how do ya’ll get to even “know” each other? It’s about having a clear definition of who You accept in your life. If they turn out to be ones you can’t keep up with, then it’s Bye Bye.
    Oh! A little side note : You writers (abi na BN I suppose tell) should keep up with time, consistency is bae. Please, don’t make me fall in love with You for a month then boom! Disappear and let the love burn without more fuel, say after a month or so You return again. Abeg, is nor a write thing to does! We patronize this blog for many reasons and reading through articles like this is certainly one of the them. Ya’ll get things straight. If You must write Boo, Be consistent (an example is Atoke) if not, Don’t! Or if you’ll be taking a break , please do inform us.
    Yours sincerely.

  6. www.eniwealth79.blogspot.com

    October 7, 2015 at 8:53 am

    Excessive Communication is stifling.

  7. kibie

    October 7, 2015 at 9:16 am

    You are. Right, the secret is self love, n many of us lack that,, n excess communication isn’t only tiring, its rilli irritating…communication is a dialogue, and it’s ok to talk wen u have smtin to say, bt tnks to d the smart phones n all., communication these days seems to be idle chats,have u eaten? And wah did u do 2day? ..we av also lost the proper approach to inducing communication

  8. da goddess

    October 7, 2015 at 9:41 am

    When is it too little? I’ll know from the person’s reply. His replies are slow in coming and the sentences are at a minimal even though I sent him like a zillion line and he replies with just “hmm, or ok” or I call 50 times a week and he never calls or he calls just once. When is it too much? Just put the he in where I put I. He hehe. Reverse it. He does those things and I don’t call back. It’s got to be balanced you know. Mutually flowing and exciting on both sides by the way both parties reply. Communication we all know is a must for a healthy relationship. How our parents did it? I’m going to ask them right now. Cause I need a tip or two. As for me my communication depends on his replies and I have an issue, I always count who calls or text first. If he doesn’t calls first well that might just be our last

    • a child

      October 7, 2015 at 4:11 pm

      You are still a child

  9. Nomy

    October 7, 2015 at 9:41 am

    Firstly sweetheart your parents didn’t date. your fathers father found an apple in someones compound lol .This makes an interesting read, i love communicating but excessive or trying to chat me up at the wrong time can be a bore. i live in Lagos, nothing makes me happier than my bed after a long days work, sometimes its hard to even take a shower after crunch time traffic, so in cases like this when someone tries to chat me up, it can amount to irritation.

  10. @platinumzizi

    October 7, 2015 at 10:22 am

    Awesome! Someone who shares my thought on “excessive communication” and “self-love”!…Most times, there’s usually nothing constructive to talk about and nothing interesting to talk about, yet someone tries to communicate by all means and the other party who isn’t interested (or bored) would find it excessive and tag the other as being needy or insecure (and maybe the person just wants to be friends). I believe the connection you have with people determines the flow and acceptance of communication and its continuity. If communication is with the “right person”(with the right energy), so to speak, it won’t feel tiring or excessive; it will feel new every time. Emotional connection, psychological connection, etc, determine a lot in communication. And yes, self-love, simply put, should be a conscious and subconscious love of oneself. People don’t get it. But we learn everyday and find/discover ourselves everyday…’nuff said…And William Ifeanyi Moore, this is good stuff!

  11. Banke

    October 7, 2015 at 10:23 am

    Daily communication is essential with a love interest. It only becomes a red light when its borne out of attention seeking or being needy ,

  12. nunulicious

    October 7, 2015 at 10:34 am

    I have under communication when it comes to relating with my mom and also communicating the vision and dream of my baby company to my staff. Ironically, I am very great at power point presentation and advocacy for less privilege people and general other public or general speaking occasions.
    I wish I could have communicated better with my mom growing up or maybe she should have tried better with me? now she complains that we ignore her and are not close to her. I hope I have a better or shall I say closer relationship with my children when they come along.

    Dear future children, y’all be ready mehn, your momma’s gonna be an over communicator where you are concerned lol.

  13. uche

    October 7, 2015 at 11:51 am

    I think my issue with communication especially with a prospective bad is that at first, hr is the one who calls me 5times a day,always wants to ping or send voice notes. if I like him,there’s a little find smile on my face when I see his calls,if I don’t,then there’s a cringe. But the thing is after a while,I get used to the calls, I now want to hear from his n and then poof! he stops calling or his calls reduce. Then I’m the one who wants to hear his voice,I’m the one who feels miserable if I don’t hear from him. Now the balance of power has shifted and guess who is on the losing side?
    Communication is great but having a great and consistent communicator is even better.

  14. uche

    October 7, 2015 at 11:53 am

    I think my issue with communication especially with a prospective bae is that ,at first, he is the one who calls me 5times a day,always wants to ping or send voice notes. if I like him,there’s a fond smile on my face when I see his calls,if I don’t,then there’s a cringe. But the thing is, after a while,I get used to the calls, I now want to hear from his voice and then poof! he stops calling or he reduces the consistency. Then I’m the one who wants to hear his voice,I’m the one who feels miserable if I don’t hear from him. Now the balance of power has shifted and guess who is on the losing side?
    Communication is great but having a great and consistent communicator is even better.

  15. A.E

    October 7, 2015 at 12:28 pm

    Hmmm….. it feels like the write is talking to me. I can so relate to this! I can’t stop thinking about my Boo of 3 months even while we are at work the sweet part is he says he feels the same way. I don’t know if it is normal to think about him every second as i have never felt this way ever in my life and is getting me worried. I am trying really hard to fight my emotions to limit my excessive communication with him before he sees me as being too needy. Anyone with useful tips??

    • nomy

      October 7, 2015 at 3:15 pm

      aww i know the feel. Enjoy it while it lasts cos it will become boring soon when the butterflies in your tummy have turned to worms lol

    • Worms!

      October 7, 2015 at 7:03 pm

      @nomy you are mean! made me LOL though

    • Ada Awka

      October 11, 2015 at 6:12 pm

      I would have said go with the flow but… you need to guide your heart. Have you wondered how you would feel when there’s a decline in the way you guys relate. You may likely get paranoid thinking that he’s no more into you. The pace dwindles @ some point, it’s only natural. And NO, you can’t be thinking about him every second, whether he feels same way or not isn’t important. Men are known to have better control of their emotions, so pls dear sister, slow it down. Get busy with other stuffs, allow him to miss you! Don’t be available 2-4-7. You had a life before you met him, that life should continue!!!

  16. Blondie

    October 7, 2015 at 12:34 pm

    To each his own… one man’s meat is another man’s poison. Some people love it that way, calling & texting every hour to check, like they don’t have other things occupying their brains. Personally, i like space. I get pissed when the call is too much. Call or text once or twice a day is enough for me, if you want me to keep taking ur calls… My parents, at least twice a week. I’m still working on that. Some people keep calling over 10 times in a row like u hold their destiny, for things not even urgent. When u call twice in a row & i don’t pick kindly send a text.

    • a child

      October 7, 2015 at 4:16 pm

      when u are in love and someone treats you that way hope we can say by then that your destiny has been captured by your lover

      hehehe

  17. Grown Woman

    October 7, 2015 at 1:25 pm

    Communication is important especially when it comes to any healthy relationship.The effort should be made by both parties. I have noticed there’s this trend in men (some) not communicating after pursuing a girl.They tend to act busy once all the chasing is done.I think there should be a balance because excessive communication just shows you are idle and have no better things to do so for me 3 times a day should be fine 🙂

  18. Stacey

    October 9, 2015 at 7:31 am

    Came here for the comments as always. E just touch me for head to comment today, LOL. If you guys know how I live, eat ,sleep and wake on BN ehh yet to air my views na wahala. Sharawt to peeps like me hehe. But then,this didn’t get as much comments as I expected for an article this brilliant and reflects something that affects our daily lives. I am not an advocate of over-communication. In a relationship once or twice a week will do it for me. Necessity calls and of course my babes that will always want to share juicy gists are unavoidable. I even talk to my babes more than bae if I don’t hear from my BFF in a day, its not complete. Can I get a witness? Hel o hel. Heck am not even a “bae and I must talk everyday” kinda person and I love it that way and he doesn’t complain either. Do I get bored and lonely sometimes? Yes. I just make a few calls to people who are dear to me like treasured friends or family and I feel ok, it doesn’t necessarily have to be bae though. It doesn’t mean I love him any less. At most, we talk once or twice a week (but at length when we eventually do) and we both cool with that. On the issue of guys getting cold on communication after the catch has been made, e dey vex me ehhh. Sometimes I plainly state to some toasters “you don dey call me back to back now if I gree for you few months down the line now, person no go see your break light “. Why are men like that now? Eh, you guys should give us insight on this issue. I see an article topic brewing perhaps. And how can one avoid ending up one the loosing or seemingly needy side after power has changed hands. I wish there was a way to beat them to their game and maintain balance without feeling like you will lose the love interest. BFF is currently in this dilemma. Poor thing, she is such a hopeless romantic but doesn’t wanna be too vulnerable. Me na one kind unapologetic akpo and it working for me LOL. And oh,Williams! You so finnnneee!

  19. troublemaker

    October 9, 2015 at 10:06 pm

    Great Write up Will!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Star Features

Advertisement
css.php